Chapter Thirteen.

Margaret was sitting in her study, what used to be her father's book room; going through all the paperwork and correspondence that she had put on hold since the day of her return. Fanny had just left; Lily Dixon was in town getting the last items for supper. Margaret was alone and thinking of Frederick, the guilt was still very much there, but when it showed its head Margaret would make herself busy so as to push those feelings away; until she at least went to bed. She had been so busy since arriving that everything she felt, did not come to the surface unless she was alone or retired for the evening.

She was feeling immensely guilty about Fred at this moment, due to a letter she had received from someone who had not signed there name. They were begging for help and asking her to help them, she was there only hope; but without a name she could do not a thing. The only thought that came to her mind when reading this note was the hand it was penned in; it looked so very much like her brother's; but knowing this not to be true her emotions had got the better of her. She put the letter in a desk drawer and slammed it shut; hoping that her guilt would be shut in there with it. But every time that she looked at another letter from then on, it seemed they were all written in Frederick's hand. With the guilt making her feel like she was drowning, she stopped working and went to her bedchamber's to get some rest; with luck on her side she would feel better after resting and could continue on with her checking correspondence.

She was awoken many hours later to the sound of the gentle deep tones of John, whispering her name, calling her sweetheart, it was lovely; but her earlier feelings were still deeply set in. Turning on her side away from him, she told him to go away, that she wanted to be alone. John being John did not stand for this, so without thinking twice he just lifted her off of the bed and walked her back down the stairs; with Dixon following behind. The tears had started to fall before they even got to the first step. Margaret pushed her head into his neck and sobbed and sobbed, by the time she had recovered herself, she did not realise they were sitting in the living room, with herself on John's lap, John kissing the top of her head and rubbing circles on her back soothingly. She felt so safe and comfortable, there was no where she would rather be than in his arms.

"I am sorry John, I did not want you to see me like this again...I am so sorry!"

"Hush Margaret, it is fine; you can not change your feelings over night. This will take time, you will have your bad days but you have to remember, we are all here for you; to help, you must not push us out"

"I will try not too, but it is harder than I thought, I have dealt with this on my own for so long, I think it is second nature to just go back to that way, I was doing so well until..."

"Until what Margaret?"

Margaret raised herself from John's lap and went to the other room, retrieved the letter and handed it to John. John looked it over and then looked questioningly at Margaret.

"I receive these kind of letters, begging for help and such, and normally I would not let them affect me and I do my best to help those people; but here there is no name and the hand it is penned in, looks...looks...like Frederick's"

With that she burst into sobs again, John immediately embracing her and comforting her; she held on tightly as she did once before. He sat back down resuming the position they had before, Margaret sobbing and leaning further into John; it was as though she was trying to be an actual part of him. He left her like this, not daring to move her in case she reverted back to thinking she was worth nothing; at the moment it seemed it took anything for Margaret to feel inferior to everybody and everything. He was not going to let her get to that stage again, if he had anything to do with it he would have her back on her feet and never go through guilt again, but the realisation was he could do nothing but be there for her and be positive and encouraging, so she could do it on her own. Deep in his own thoughts; he did not realise that the sobbing had stopped and Margaret had fallen asleep in his lap, the smile that entered his face was one he could never have pushed away, she felt comforted and safe enough to fall into an exhaustive sleep curled into him.

Looking around the room to see how he could move her but keep her with him, he saw Dixon enter the room, she smiled gently at seeing the pair and nodded towards the chaise lounge that was in the room; gently holding her he stood and placed her down on the chaise and covered her with a comforter that was draped along the back, kissing her forehead he walked towards Dixon.

"What do we do Dixon? She seemed to be doing so well and then this happens"

"Sir, we are all doing fine by the mistress; she will have her bad days and that is what we are dealing with today they will get better and will decrease in time. We just have to be patient, that is all"

"Well, I have written to the navy, asking for the whereabouts of the grave site of her brother so we can at least take her to him, so she can say a proper goodbye. I believe I did the right thing, but seeing how she is today I really do not know if I was correct in my assumption"

"You were correct, she will be able to heal a lot easier with being able to see the grave. It will cut her deep for a while, because to her it is so very much real then, but then she will be able to see he is at peace with her parents and that she can finally move on with her life and be happy"

"I should hear back from the navy any day now, as I wrote them about a week back. So let us hope we get the information we asked for and then we can help Margaret that much more better, I did not mention me writing to them; in case they declared I could not have the information. But I did recite I was a magistrate and that I was in need of that information, I am hoping they will bite and tell me what I need to know"

"I am sure they will sir!"

"Now what is this I here you have a lovely name and have not spoken of it all this time, now then madam; I would be honoured if you would allow me to call you by that name, if you give your permission. It is a lovely name and not one to be hidden"

Dixon gave a slight nod in agreement and blushed profusely at the compliment, but to her horror John had not finished, he seemed to be plying for information.

"So!; I see you get along with my friend Nicholas" another nod of the head "and he speaks of you often; I have had many a day where at the office he has sat and spoke of you in the most gracious of ways. Is there something I need to know?, seeing as I am a regular visitor an all, will I be seeing more of him around the house do you think?"

Dixon was now at a state of pure embarrassment and flattery that dear Nicholas could possible take a liking to her, she still remembered the day she had told him to take off his boots when he had come to see the master and miss of the house; Oh to look back, how embarrassing a thought that is.

"I do not rightly know sir. If he is a more regular visitor to the house, I believe it would be more for the Misses benefit than my own"

"all right then, I will let you have that excuse and I will not embarrass you any further on the subject, but I will be watching closely" John chuckled light heartedly and so did Lily Dixon, she knew he was playing with her and she did not mind at all, it lightened the mood in the home for a while, one that even though was done at her expense, was done good naturedly and for the best of reasons. She left the room to let the Mr Thornton and the Mistress relax and unwind from the emotions and stress of the day. Hoping that the following morning would be a better one.