October came quick. Quicker than Feferi would have liked. Her parents refrained from acting weird in front of her again. Why, she would never know. She assumed they'd just gotten in a fight with her sister, but she'd never asked, and no one brought it up. Karkat started to hate school a little more everyday because of who was in his class and the promise he'd made to Feferi. Sometimes she wondered if it would've been better for Gamzee to have been in her class and not Kanaya, but then she knew Karkat would have worried more.

The leaves were turning colour on the branches, slowly swaying in the wind. Feferi tilted her head, eyeing the leaves thoughtfully as she swung her feet out in front of her. She was sitting on a table outside, waiting for her friends so they could have lunch together. Ryuu showed up more and more, actually including himself in group activities. That made Feferi happy. She enjoyed his company. He was witty and humorus, while stubborn and down to earth at the same time. It was an odd quality.

"Wow, you got here fast." Kanaya commented, taking a seat on the bench like seats that surrounded the table. Feferi shrugged.

"I was close to my locker, and didn't have to stop anywhere so..." She raised her eyebrows momentarily, as if to say that was all. There really was nothing more.

"Right. That makes sense." Kanaya nodded, opening up the brown paper bag she carried her lunch in. Instead of pulling the bag down to look into it, she raised herself up off her seat slightly to peer inside, only to wrinkle her nose.

"If you don't like what your mother packs you, then pack yourself something." Feferi commented, seeing her reaction to the food.

"Well I would but-" Kanaya was cut off by the shrill shriek Terezi let out as her cousin grabbed her around the waist and lifted her into the air. She was laughing, which meant it must have been part of the conversation. "And the ontarage follows."

"What was that for?" Feferi asked Karkat as he eagerly moved away from the two. "What's going on?"

"I really don't know. I just happened to be there when she screamed." Karkat dug his finger into his ear, wiggling it around like that would ease the pain. Feferi decided to dismiss it, sliding off the table to take a seat beside her boyfriend. She happened to look up just in time to see something glint off of Ryuu's face.

"What is that?" Feferi asked, squinting at him. "Is that a piercing?" Now she was surprised. Ryuu didn't seem like the type of guy to get something like that.

Ryuu touched his lip peircing tentavely. It still looked red, which must mean he'd gotten it recently. "Yeah. I thought it would help ward off the 'geeky' look I have going on." His eyes darted to the side as he scratched behind his ear, making his glasses bounce up and down on his face. Also something he'd changed since Kanaya's birthday party. He wore his glasses more often.

"Well, I think it looks nice." Kanaya said with a smile. "It suits you, but the glasses don't really help on the 'not-so-geeky' factor."

"I like his glasses." Feferi defended. "I think they give you some sort of spunk. Like...like a goth kid or something? I dunno, I don't really follow the trends and labels like that." Now Feferi looked away. "But I think the two together work. I'm not sure how it would look with just the piercing."

"Well?" Ryuu said, making Feferi look up a little confused. He'd taken off the glasses and now just stared off into space, his version of an attempt for him to not squint.

Feferi concidered it for a moment. Without his glasses, he looked more masculine, which made the piercing seem a little off, but with the glasses, his features softened so it looked better. "With the glasses. They make your cheek bones look softer. I think the softer features make the piercing look more natural."

"Glasses it is then." Ryuu said, slipping his glasses back on as he dug into his lunch.

"What." Karkat asked, giving Feferi a slightly disturbed look. She gave him a confused one in return. "How can you tell if it makes his cheek bones look softer? They look the same to me."

Feferi looked back at Ryuu for a moment, before turning to Karkat and shrugging. "I don't know. I guess I just notice things like that a lot more. Mind you, I try not to point them out unless asked about them. I know some people really dislike how they look. Or aren't too fond of their features I guess."

"Alright, I suppose that works."

The final bell rang, signalling sweet freedom for every student within the school. Feferi took her time getting her books into her bag. She was having a hard time remembering what needed to be brought home and what could stay. After a moment, she decided just to shove the two more important classes, math and science, into her bag before shutting her locker and turning away. The sooner she was home and able to rest, the better.

Even then, Feferi sat out on one of the tables outside, swinging her feet gently through the air, mind stuck on nothing in particular. She'd made it this far, but didn't seem to have the will power to walk home. To move really. "You okay Fef?" Feferi raised her head from her shoes, seeing Ryuu standing on the sidewalk, people moving around him to continue on their way.

"Oh yeah. I'm just waiting for my Dad to come and get me." Feferi lied, smiling as her attention returned to her feet.

"Want me to wait with you?" Foiled. Had he seen through her rouse?

"No, that's okay. Thanks though, I appreciate the offer. I wanna join dance, so he kind of has to come here to sign the form." Not once did her eyes flick up to see if he was still there, to glance at him a moment for his reaction. They simply stayed locked upon the growing and shrinking ray of light that glintd off her shoe.

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow then. Hopefully you get into dance." Ryuu nodded, racing down the sidewalk to catch his bus. Why wait if he didn't have transportation? If he couldn't simply walk home? Feferi raised her head now, looking over her shoulder to where the buses lined up. Maybe he was that worried about her? Worried that something would happen to her, or that she would hurt herself.

A small smile grew across Feferi's face, fingers wrapping around her wrist as she slowly massaged it with her thumb. Even though there were no scars here, she imagined that there was. That there were little bits of discoloration within the flesh, signalling what had once been there. Cuts. "I won't hurt myself anymore." Feferi said softly, flipping her hand over so she could smooth her fingers over the skin. "I promised I wouldn't."

The air had grown cold when Feferi finally decided to walk home. Everyone else had left the school grounds, telling her it was time. She'd decided to follow up on her lie to Ryuu and had run inside to grab a form for Dance. It was competitive though, which meant she'd have to try out. Even though it was getting darker, Feferi felt oddly at peace. Comforted by the warm glow of the sun falling in the sky, the way the leaves shook gently upon their branches, refusing to fall quite yet. This was why she loved the fall so much. Everything seemed to stand still, but in the same instant it could move so quickly, flitting before your eyes, keeping you from seeing everything.

Feferi's eyes fell upon the dance form she was holding in her hands. Someone really did have to sign it. Someone had to take responsibility for her not attending the after school class, for her costumes, make up, rides or whatever else was needed. Did she really believe she could get into this class? Sure, she loved to dance, but could she dance well enough to get in? "What am I talking about? Of course I can get in! I'm amazing at dance!" Feferi told herself, making her hands into fists like they did in anime shows to get themselves pumped. She wanted to get home as quickly as possible so she wouldn't forget to have the form signed by her mom. Feferi lowered her head, smiling to herself as she hummed and started to dance her way home.

But why was she going so slow?

Why was she taking her time getting home?

She got her answer the moment she lifted her head from the ground, attempting to pay attention to what was around her instead of being lost in thought.

First she heard screaming, her mothers high pitched shriek. Then she heard something being thrown across the room. Finally, a window breaking and papers all over the lawn. Feferi stood just outside of their yard, staring slightly wide eyed through the broken window. Both her parents were standing there, looking a little dishevelled and surprised. She knew what she had to do. In one motion, she crumpled the paper in her hand, picked up her leg and swung herself to start walking away from the house.

"Feferi!" Her mom called out, worried now.

Maybe this was why she took her time coming home?

Maybe she knew it all along?

Nothing was going to change.

Her life wasn't going to get better.

It wasn't going to get better.

Feferi clenched her jaw, grip tightening more around the crumpled piece of paper. She picked up her pace, lowering her head as she bolted. Like hell she wanted those people to catch up to her. Like hell she wanted anything to do with them. All they did was make her upset. Neither of them could protect her from what mattered most. From what mattered in her life.

From what scared her to the core.

Feferi only managed to run about a block away before she collapsed on the ground sobbing. Her hands were upon her face as she cried, trying to calm herself down. "I hate you! I hate you so much!" She screamed, bashing her hands into the cement with her rage. "Why can't you protect me?" She was sniffling now, staring down at her hands. She'd scraped them up with her little fit. Feferi looked over her shoulder, sitting back on her legs before wiping at her face again. She needed to keep moving. Feferi pushed herself slowly to her feet, cleaning herself off before she continued onwards. That place couldn't be called home anymore. That wasn't her home anymore.

Feferi kept cursing at herself as she walked. Where was she going to go? A couple times she turned to go to Kanaya's house, but ended up turning around, walking away. Oh how she wanted so badly to go to Karkat's house, but she knew he'd probably make a big deal out of this. Not to mention her dad would murder her when he found out. Terezi? But she always got on Feferi's nerves if she was forced to be around her for more than a few minutes. Especially by herself. Not that she didn't like Terezi. She was a wonderful girl, just not her cup of tea.

So who else did that leave her? Gamzee? Hell to the no. She would rather hang herself than go to that jack asses house. Tavros? Feferi hardly knew the boy, not to mention going to his house probably wasn't best for her sanity. That left Ryuu. What would her dad say when he found out? What about Karkat? Would he take it the wrong way? Feferi through a fit for the second time that night, only this time her bag came swinging off, flying through the air before hitting the ground with a thud. Where did she think that would get her? To the magical land of Narnia? Oh how she wished. Feferi walked up to her bag, eyeing it for a moment before she kicked it hard. She kept thinking that it was the nice part of her, the side that would take crap from everyone, and she was life. No matter what she did, she just couldn't get up. Something was always kicking her back down, and she hated it.

She really, truely hated it.

Air forced itself from Feferi's nose as she turned around, hands on her waist. She was mainly checking to see if anyone was coming after her yet. She doubted it. Just went to show how much her family loved her. A whole bunch of non-existant love that is. But what did she expect? Did she expect them to come looking for her? To send the police to find her? What happened when they brought her home and found the glass and whatever else had gone through the window on the lawn? What then?

"Probably nothing. Knowing my family, they'd say it was an accident. Like 'Oh, we were moving stuff around and it broke through the window and just toppled out.' Pfft. As if." Feferi muttered to herself, stooping to collect her battered bag. It was covered in shoe prints now, and she didn't care to dust it off either. Too much time and effort would be put into something so pointless. She supposed she would go to Ryuu's house. It didn't hurt. She'd deal with Karkat later, as well as he father. Karkat she supposed would be easier to deal with than her father. Maybe she could get away with lying to him for a while?

Feferi's eyes fell to the crumpled paper in her hand. That's right, she'd wanted to sign up for dance. Slowly, she uncrumpled it, looking at the words printed upon it. When were the auditions? When did she need that signature by? "October 8th." She whispered to herself. "Shit." She rubbed at her forehead. That was three days away. Friday. Friday. Some how, Feferi had to figure out how to get her parents to sign this before Friday, and keep the fact she was staying over at a guys house from them at the same time. If she even stayed over at Ryuu's house that is.

Her life was slowly crumpling around her. Slowly but surely, and there seemed to be nothing to keep her up either.