Love is Protection

by Xlovestory33X

Finally back together, Clare and Eli have much to celebrate about including Clare's new internship at The Toronto Daily. Eager and excited to start and with Eli by her side with his unconditional support, Clare quickly molds herself at her new setting. Unfortunately, her passion for journalism clouds her judgment as she soon realizes people are not who they seem.

13. Chapter 13

Hi there my dears! :) You guys never cease to amaze me with your generous response to this story! It's so fantastic knowing that you guys are just as in love with it as I am. It makes it so easy to write when I know I have such lovely readers to write for. Like I said before, I cannot express my gratitude enough. I love you all! I'm sure all of you are anticipating when the truth finally comes out and let me just say to hang in there. It's coming. And with that, please enjoy chapter 13! :)

I cannot believe I just did that.

I quicken my pace and allow each footstep to draw me further and further away from Eli.

I'm excited I said it, don't get me wrong. It's the truth after all.

I push open a door to my right and walk outside into the much needed fresh air.

But oh my God, I've been jerking Eli around a tremulous mood rollercoaster. And that's not fair to him at all.

I realize I've walked straight into Jake and Katie's garden. I take a seat on a bench nearby a cluster of tomato plants.

I couldn't help it. He was being so understanding and compassionate. The complete opposite of the anger and rejection I deserved for the way I've been acting the past few days. The only words that had any chance of relaying to him how much I appreciate his response were those three words.

I tighten his large jacket around my small frame and let his lingering scent embrace me.

He deserved to know at least that seeing as how so many other things in my life have been kept from him.

I know I shouldn't have rushed off. It truly is unfair to him. If I was being honest, I've been acting like the crazy one out of the two of us and I honestly never would have expected saying that.

But before I let myself go down that road, I can't help but feel a little let down. He didn't exactly say it back. Not that I gave him a chance to. But Eli didn't even chase after me. He didn't stop me and tell me he loves me too.

I groan in frustration with myself. How much do I expect from him? He's been everything patient and kind. And yet I want more. Again, that's unfair.

What is wrong with me? I'm not being honest with the one person in the world who deserves my honesty the most at the moment. All to protect him. But it's plain as day that keeping this from him is eating both of us alive. Him knowing the truth can't exactly do more damage, right?

Images of Eli's anger and schemes of revenge flash through my mind.

No, no. It definitely can get worse.

Abruptly, I feel my phone vibrate in my purse, forcing me to escape my thoughts. I look down and shuffle through all the junk in my bag trying to find my phone. Finally, I spot it lighting up at the very bottom of the bag. I reach down and answer it quickly, not even bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I ask aloud.

"Hello, Clare."

My eyes widen.

My phone slips out of my grasp and falls into my lap.

And I stare straight ahead of me as if I'm in a trance.

"Hello?" I hear his voice ask loudly through the speaker. "Clare, are you still there?"

I quickly blink my eyes and robotically reach down and pick my phone back up. With shaking hands, I bring it back to my ear. "Yes, I'm here," I respond in a low voice.

"Great. I was just wondering if you would be able to come in early today. I know you have school, but if I called your principal, do you think he would be willing to let you leave early?"

"I, um…" I trail off. What exactly is the protocol for skipping a day or two or twenty of work?

I hear him let out a deep sigh on the other end. "I don't have all day, Clare. I have a lot of work to sort through today. Can you or can you not come in early?"

I feel anger rise up within me at his tone. I realize that I can't go back to The Toronto Daily. I can't face Asher every single day. I can't be in the same place where he attacked me. And it's not fair, but no one said life was. He takes advantage of me and I have to lose my job. Lovely. "I'm not coming in at all, Mr. Rickman."

"Excuse me?" He asks in response.

I clear my throat before repeating myself. "I will not be coming in to work today, or any day after that. I'd like to leave my position."

A slightly cynical laugh travels into my ear. "Why Ms. Edwards, you can't just do that."

"Why not?" I ask him.

"I'm actually looking over the internship contract right now. You signed that you would remain here for the whole duration of the position. If you violate that, I'm afraid we may have to take measures against you."

I almost drop my phone for the second time today. This can't be happening. "No," I whisper.

"I guess that means I'll be seeing you today? I'm assuming you won't be coming in early since you haven't given me a response about that."

I just remain silent as I realize the full extent of my circumstances. I can't even resort to my usual response of running from my problems. Life is more than just unfair, it's cruel.

And if life wants to play dirty, then so can I.

"I'd like to see the contract." I state.

"Sure, you can take a look at it when you come in today."

I shake my head as I respond, "I'd like to look over it before I come in. Is it possible for you to send it to me?"

"Well, I suppose I can e-mail you a copy."

"Okay," I respond.

"But I will be seeing you today, right?" He asks me.

Not wanting to answer that and honestly not knowing my answer, I just mumble a goodbye in response before hanging up the phone and returning it to my purse.

There has to be some sort of loophole, some way of walking away from that stupid office and everything that happened there without dealing with any repercussions. And I'll find that outlet if it's the last thing I do.

I stand up off the bench and quickly walk towards the computer lab, desperate to log onto my e-mail and extensively read every tiny word of that document. I find a free computer off to the back and make my way over there. Taking a seat, I shake the mouse to wake up the screen. I quickly enter my Degrassi log in codes before connecting to the internet and signing into my e-mail account.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I realize Asher actually did send it to me, and pretty quickly at that. I wasn't expecting him to comply with my request so easily. He probably doesn't think I'll find anything to help me.

I open the document and begin reading. The first part is dominantly about my main roles and responsibilities, topics I am very familiar with. I continue on to read about being tardy and absent. My eyes widen and my mouth breaks into a grin as I read about how the newspaper grants me two sick days off for the duration of the position. Already one step ahead of myself, my hands reach back into my purse for my phone. I dial the main office number desiring to talk to a receptionist as opposed to a harasser.

"Hello and thank you for calling The Toronto Daily. This is Mary speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hi, Mary! It's Clare. I'm supposed to come in at my usual time today, but I think I've come down with something."

"Oh no! Are you alright?"

I decide to answer honestly. "Not remotely." It's the truth. "And I don't want to be contagious and spread whatever it is I have. So, if you could please just let Mr. Rickman know that I'm a little too sick to come into work, that would be great."

"Yeah, of course Clare. Will you be able to make it tomorrow?" she asks me.

I bite my lip as I think. "I'll see how I'm feeling in the morning and let you know. Thanks for your help, Mary."

"Anytime, Clare. Feel better soon!" she enthusiastically responds before hanging up the phone.

I take a deep breath as I realize things are going much better than I thought. Asher can't prove I'm not sick so it's not like that violates my contract. So far so good.

I return my attention back to the document and continue to read the remainder of it. I pass over a lot of information about communication and teamwork before finally reaching the end and landing on the position termination section. I jump in my seat when the bell rings signaling that the lunch period is over and the students remaining in the lab begin to pack their belongings and walk out. I was so caught up in my work that I forgot to keep track of time.

Oh well, I'd much rather be a few minutes late, but know what I am up against. I slowly read the information offered to me. The first part makes my stomach drop. Unless the newspaper itself deems me ill-qualified and fires me, the contract is still upheld. Crap.

I read onto the next section and captivatingly take in every word. I whisper aloud as I read. "An employee may request a termination of their position in the following circumstances: a physical ailment prevents them from attending their shift, the employee relocates and can no longer commute to their shift, the employee is harassed by another member of the staff –"

I stop there. And I realize exactly what this means. All of a sudden, it feels as if my throat has closed up, making it a struggle simply to breathe.

This means what Alli asked me to do was right.

This means that the only way I can escape Asher is to do the one thing I am most terrified of doing.

I have to report him.

Maybe I didn't exactly lie on the phone a few minutes ago because I feel extremely sick right now. A part of me wants to throw up. Another part of me wants to take a nap which wouldn't be a bad idea considering the fact that I haven't slept the past few nights from my nightmares. And this other part of me wants to cry, but I shush that notion up. I've cried enough.

I need to get home. There's no way I can make it to the end of the school day. Besides, I'm keeping up good marks in the two classes I have left for the day so I'm not too worried about skipping.

I make my way towards the nurse's office and lightly knock on the open door. I spend the next few minutes trying to convince her that I'm not feeling well. According to her, my temperature is, and I quote, "just fine". Which seems incomprehensible to me considering how horrible I'm feeling.

About ten minutes later, I finally end up convincing her. It only took a few tears and she was more than happy to let me lie down as she filled out the necessary paperwork.

My mom shows up a little while later to pick me up.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asks with a worried expression as I slip into the passenger seat and buckle my seat belt.

"I'm not sure, Mom. It came on so suddenly," I respond.

She puts the back of her hand to my forehead. "You don't feel warm, but you look a little ill. Let's get you home. I'll cook up some soup if you'd like."

I smile at her in response. Her motherly reaction has definitely been something I've missed since our family broke apart. "That would be great, Mom. Thanks."

We remain silent for the majority of the short car ride to my house before I realize I didn't let anyone know I left. I grab my phone and send a quick text to Alli telling her that I just needed to rest and thanking her for this morning. I know she'll understand. I decide it's only right to let Eli know as well. I pause for a few moments, thinking of what to say. I type out a message.

"Hey, Eli. I wasn't feeling very well so I decided to go home a little early. I'm fine, don't worry. Just need some rest. Have a good rehearsal today. And I meant what I said earlier, I love you."

I read it over a few times and finally happy with it, I click send just as my mom pulls into the driveway.

"Why don't you hop in and take a hot shower while I put together the soup?" My mom suggests as we walk into the kitchen.

I nod my head. "A hot shower sounds perfect."

So, I make way up the stairs and undress. I gently drape Eli's jacket over my bed before heading into my bathroom and turning on the water on. I wait a few moments for the water to heat up before stepping in and letting the water run over my body much the same way I did the night Asher kissed me.

I can buy myself at least two days off and plead sickness. But I have no way of avoiding Asher and the scene of my attack forever unless I report him.

I can't explain to you how scared that idea makes me feel. This whole ordeal is a sensitive topic to everyone. No one likes to hear about a young girl being sexually harassed. It's one of those things people know exist, but hate to talk about. They ignore its presence hoping that makes it unreal somehow. So for me to acknowledge that it happened, I'm making it real. I'm letting everyone know about the shame that I've been through. What girl wants everyone she knows to look at her with pitiful glances? Or worse, what girl wants everyone to judge her? I can already hear their whispers as I walk down the hallways at school, "Oh that's the girl who slept with her boss" or "That's the girl who put out to get ahead". As sad as it is, people are cruel enough to stretch the truth that far. And I'll no longer be Clare Diane Edwards. I'll just be "that girl".

And I can't handle that happening to me. I can't handle that happening to the people I love. I can just imagine what Eli will have to hear. I can picture one of those dumb Ice Hounds heckling him, "Hey you're the dude whose girlfriend cheated on you with her boss. Guess you weren't satisfying her enough."

Or even worse, what if no one believes me? I have no evidence of the attack. There are no security cameras inside the office. It'll be my word against his. Who would believe a small high school girl over a well known newspaper editor?

I lean my forehead against the shower wall in hopelessness. I lose either way. If I don't report him, I must deal with the trauma of being in close proximity of my harasser every day I go into work. If I do report him, I run the risk of no one trusting my story or everyone trusting my story, but twisting it to please their own gossiping mouths.

This isn't a problem anyone can solve. Because there is no correct answer.

I turn off the water before stepping out of the shower and drying myself off with a towel. After slipping into my soft and comfortable pajamas, I take a seat on the side of my bed and close my eyes. I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves before opening my eyes again. I shift my glance over to the framed photo standing on my bedside table of Eli and I that Adam took for us at his party just around a month ago. We're sitting on the bench I found him at right before I was about to leave the party. He has one arm around my shoulders and the other leads to where my hands are clasping his free hand in his lap. We're both smiling. We're both happy.

So much has changed.

I set the frame back in place and curiously eye a book under a stack of papers. I lift up the papers and reach under to pull the thick book out. I immediately recognize the light purple cover. It's the Bible I've had since I was a little girl. I bring it closer to me before flipping through the pages randomly. I can see verses I've highlighted and pages that I've marked. So much effort put into a faith that I don't fully understand anymore.

I ask the same question that I did when my parents told me of their plans to divorce. "If Jesus loves me so much, why does He want me to go through this?" If everything happens for a reason, why do I have to struggle through this?

I pause with my flipping when my eyes land on a small paper I stuck between two pages. I read it over and realize it was probably given to me during one of our Sunday school meetings. It's a simple yellow paper about the size of a post-it and on it are typed the words of The Serenity Prayer. I whisper the words aloud, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

I let myself ponder over those words.

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change what Asher did to me. I cannot change the fact that my only options are detrimental to myself and those around me.

Courage to change the things I can. I can change the fact that I'm drowning in my own lies and secrets. I can change the way I'm treating Eli.

Wisdom to know the difference.

It dawns on me that there are some things I just have to acknowledge and admit. And there are some things I have to alter. And I need to ask for the wisdom to know what I can and cannot change.

But God, what am I supposed to do? I don't know which option to take. Even if I accept what has happened to me, how can I change my future? Do I report Asher or not? Do I tell Eli or not? And how exactly am I supposed to report Asher without having Eli's support?

A knock on my door forces me out of my prayer. I close my Bible and return it to the table. "I brought you some chicken noodle soup. Your favorite," my mom perks up as I shift to lean back against the headboard.

I smile in gratitude when she hands me the bowl. "It smells great. Thanks, Mom."

"Go ahead and finish that up. Try and get some rest. I'll come check on you in an hour or so, okay?"

"Sounds good."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks again, Mom."

She smiles back at me before walking out of my room and slightly closing the door behind her, but leaving a little of it open. I take a sip of the soup and am immediately drawn to my childhood. I realize that today has been the most motherly my mom has acted in a long while. And I am really grateful for it. She returned exactly when I needed her.

I spend a few silent minutes finishing up most of the bowl before my exhaustion hits me. I set the soup on the table amidst the photo frame, Bible, and papers. I reach over and grab Eli's jacket as I slip under the covers, taking it with me. I open it up and drape it across my body as I curl into his scent. I shift into a comfortable position before letting my droopy eyes finally close. I can only hope no nightmares plague my sleep this time.

I wake to the sound of Jake walking through the hallways on his way downstairs for his usual nighttime snack. How do I know this? I've been wide awake these hours of the night for the past few days. I sneak a glance over to my clock. It's a little past one in the morning. I yawn before stretching my arms above my head and sitting up in place. Eli's jacket falls to join my blankets as I do so.

And all of a sudden, with his lingering scent still in my senses, it becomes crystal clear to me.

I asked God for an answer and He gave me one.

I've been asleep since around four in the afternoon. And not once did I have a nightmare throughout that whole duration. The only thing different was Eli's jacket. It kept me safe. It kept me warm. It embraced me almost as if it was Eli in the room with me.

I slip out of bed and quickly change into a t-shirt and running shorts. I slip my arms into the black jacket before putting on my running shoes and grabbing my phone.

I wait for Jake to return to his room before silently tiptoeing down the stairs and out the door. The cold air feels good against my warm skin.

I turn towards my right and begin running.

I have to tell him.

I have to tell him because I need help.

Because I'm driving myself insane.

Because I can't do this on my own.

And I need answers to questions Eli might help me solve.

Granted, he'll be angry. He'll be disappointed. He'll be hurt. But he promised that he's not going anywhere.

And call me selfish, but I need him right now.

I stop running and bend over in an attempt to catch my breath. I take in my surroundings and realize I'm not too far from the abandoned church. The place that just a few days ago proved an escape for Eli and I.

I shift my body and start walking towards that destination as I reach into the jacket pocket to pull out my phone and dial Eli's number.

My heartbeat accelerates as the rings continue to sound into my ear. Please, please, please pick up.

The rings stop and I get hopeful as I await his greeting, but all I hear is his voicemail message. My heart sinks. My eyes tear. My hands shake.

In my desperation, I redial his number.

I hear one ring.

And just as the second ring sounds, he picks up. "Clare?" he asks groggily into the phone.

"Eli!" I practically yell.

I realize this must have woken him up and simultaneously driven him into cardiac arrest. "What's wrong?" He asks in a more alert voice.

"S-something terrible happened and I need you."

I hear movement on the other end of the line. "Where are you?" His panicked and worried tone is evident to my ears.

"At the abandoned church," I respond.

"At one-thirty in the morning? Clare!"

I realize exactly where Eli's mind has traveled. Me, alone, at night, at an abandoned church. "I'm safe. Don't worry about that."

I hear him swear softly. "Just please don't go anywhere. I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?"

I softly shut my eyelids as slow tears stream down my face. "Thank you."

"Stay on the line."

"I know."

I hear the rattling of keys as I'm assuming Eli's borrowing Bullfrog's car. He's not fond of Eli driving, let alone driving his most prized possession. I hope he'll make an exception just this one time.

Just as I hear the car door slam shut, I speak up. "Eli?"

I hear the ignition as Eli turns the car on. "I'm here."

I let out a sob at the loaded meaning behind those words.

Eli lets out another curse. "Clare, please. What happened?"

"I can't say it. Not over the phone."

I hear him sigh before responding. "Alright, I'm almost there."

"Eli?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. Please remember that."

There is silence on his end. My hands shake with my fear and nerves.

After an eternity, I hear his voice again. "I'm panicking, Clare."

Oh, gosh. "Calm down. Please."

"How am I supposed to calm down when you're talking like this?" He hurriedly asks me.

"I'll explain everything. Just please drive safe."

I hear him take a few deep breaths to calm himself. "I'm just down the block. Hold on a little longer, Clare."

"Eli, promise me you'll remember that no matter what, I love you. Promise me." I demand just as he did so long ago when we were both sitting in Morty after dealing with the Fitz ordeal.

"I promise."

As soon as he says it, the brightness of his headlights shines at me and the abandoned church.

What an emotional rollercoaster, no? Don't hate me for leaving it there. I promise to update soon! :) Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter. I think we all know where this is headed so stay tuned for the big reveal! Please leave your thoughts as I always love hearing from you all. Your reviews are such lovely motivation and never cease to bring a smile to my face. :) Thank you for reading and see you soon my loves! :)