Chapter 13

A Beginning and an End

Kikyou continued to scowl at InuYasha, having no interest in speaking to him. It didn't matter that her heart skipped a beat, or some part of her longed to speak to him on a deeper level. He was a scumbag and pervert just like the rest of the men she had been around. Still though she didn't walk away. Her gloved hands stayed on the horses muzzle continuing to pet the animal.

"He's a good horse, and he likes you." InuYasha commented, motioning with his head to the dazed and happy animal. Kikyou turned to look at the animal, and tried to conceal her smile. Beast really was cute, and she sighed, disappointed that InuYasha was the one that owned him.

It was at that point Kikyou's stomach let out the loudest growl she had ever heard before. Beast even jolted, lifting his head with a snort. Kikyou blushed hard, turning even farther away from InuYasha. The man didn't say anything though s he walked past her, the smell of food hitting her nose. She watched as InuYasha walked past, two large bags of wac donalds in his hands. He silently put both bags into the saddle bags and securely locked them in place before glancing towards her.

His eyes captivated her. The soft amber was molten, and she could look into them all day long. That was dangerous. He had proved by their first meeting he wasn't worth much, and she had no desire to even somewhat settle down with a guy like that. Luckily for her, InuYasha silently mounted the horse, and gripped the reigns loosely in his hand. She gave one last pat to Beast and a single glance to InuYasha before turning and making her escape.

Some part of her wanted to stay, but she knew it would end badly if she did. So instead, she forced her feet to keep moving away from the man and horse. Although, she didn't get far before she felt something brush against her shoulder. She looked up, and let out a shocked laugh to see Beast's muzzle over her shoulder and an innocent looking InuYasha sitting in the saddle. She took note that the male had dropped the reigns and was letting the horse do what he wanted.

InuYasha shrugged nonchalantly, before his faced turned serious and apprehensive. "Could you help me with something?" He asked, pointing to the saddle bags below him. "I bought enough food for my brother and me, but he cancelled at the last second. Something about him and Gome, and well, I hate wasting food…"

Kikyou opened her mouth to decline, but stopped. She took a moment to look at the situation, and she saw surprised her. InuYasha knew she was hungry. There was no was he didn't hear her stomach just a few minutes prior. Still though, he made it seem as if he needed her help with eating the food than just offering out of pity. He knew she was embarrassed, and made sure she had no reason to feel so. It was enough to make her think about her answer, instead of out right denying him.

"Also," He started, a blush on his cheeks. "Gome, umm, well, she told me…Fuck." He sighed, rubbing his face in agitation and Kikyou couldn't keep the smile from her face as she watched him. "Damn it! I'm sorry for being a perverted dickhead. Fuckin Miroku dared me to do some shots, and I was an idiot. I don't even know how many I drank, and I barely remember-"

"I'll help you." Kikyou interrupted, her smile wider as she tried to keep a chuckle at bay. She had never had a man fumble as they talked to her. It was as if InuYasha was worried he would ruin this chance again. And the way his face lit up made it that much better. "But, where will we eat? And I don't have a car at the moment. It's in the shop."

"Will the park do? I know its cold, but I have a heated blanket in my bags, and the pond is beautiful when its frozen. Occasionally the ducks will slide across it. That is if any are too stupid to not fly south. Lol." He offered, and Kikyou nodded. She couldn't help. But feel as if this was a date. It was something she would keep to herself, but she wouldn't argue it either. "As far as getting there…"

Kikyou took a step back when he held out a hand and she realized what he wanted. He wanted to ride to the park, but there was only one problem with that. "I don't know how to ride." She admitted. She expected him to look down on her, but instead, he just smiled.

"I'll teach you."

She hesitated for a moment longer, the gently took his hand. His grip tightened on hers as if he didn't want to let go. He walked her through how to get behind him, and on the first try, and with him pulling her up mostly, she was seated behind him. She squealed and wrapped her arms around InuYasha as tight as she could as Beast took a few steps to adjust to the extra weight. His hand patted one of her arms and she relaxed a bit.

"We'll go slow." He comforted, and with that he set off. It wasn't fast at all, and even with her being high up, she found riding to be a bit of fun. The smile on her face was large and even hurt a bit as they made the short trip to the park. It didn't take long before they arrived, and she was disappointed when he began to instruct her on how to get off. He grabbed the food and blanket, before letting the animal roam wherever he wanted.

"Thank you." Kikyou said, taking a bite of her burger after InuYasha had gotten them setup. She was comfortably warm and hadn't quite had this much fun in awhile. InuYasha grunted a bit and leaned back, already having scarfed back his half of the meal. He rested on his elbows and looked out at the frozen pond, the silence between them wasn't stifling at all.

"So… where are you from?" InuYasha asked, hesitantly. Kikyou looked at him in confusion, and he blushed again. "You, uh, you never rode a horse before. And well, that is common knowledge around here…"

"So you put two and two together?" Kikyou asked with a shrug of her shoulders. "I'm from California. There are horses around there, but not much. Nothing like here. And the only ones who had horses were those that could afford them."

"Yea, they are expensive. For awhile there, I didn't think I would be able to keep my ranch." InuYasha agreed, before looking towards Kikyou again. "Cali huh? Never been. How different is it from here?"

"You have no idea." She laughed and launched into a tale of her life before the mountains. The mountains in California, were nothing compared to where she was now. He never once interrupted or made a rude comment, instead he listened. But soon enough, she got tired of talking about herself, and wanted to turn to InuYasha. "What about you? Why did you buy a ranch?"

"Keh. To piss off my asshole of a father." He answered, and Kikyou was surprised for a moment.

"That's it? Just to make your dad mad?" She asked, turning slightly to look at him some more.

"You ain't ever met the bastard, ask Gome, she understands. I wasn't good enough in my fathers eyes. My grades weren't the best, I never brought home the prettiest girls, I spoke my mind way too much. I was nothing like my brother, who was quickly rising to be one of the best doctors for his age. So, my father paid for me to go to law school. He apparently black mailed the top dog, and bam, I'm supposed to be shipped off to become a lawyer just like him. He had also just told me I couldn't hang out with my friends because of a mistake they made and he hated Gome, who is my best friend. So my brother and friends, helped me pack my shit, and I bought the ranch all within two days."

"How did he take that?" Kikyou asked, hoping she never had to meet the man.

InuYasha let out a bark of laughter, his eyes lighting up. "Steamin. He was so angry, Sesshomaru refused to tell him where I was. Which just made things worse. Eventually he found out, and told me I was going to fail, and for awhile I believed him, but then I finally had a breakthrough. And when I made my first million I made sure the old man knew. All the bastard could do was walk away. Even though I made something of myself, surpassed him and my brother in monetary value, I still wasn't good enough. If it wasn't for my ma, i'd have nothing to do with the fucker."

Kikyou grabbed his hand, and his head snapped towards her. "I think that if any one can come out on top, even with all of that negative energy trying to pull them down, they are worth much more than their money."

The look he gave her then damn near broke her heart. She wondered if anyone has told him he had done good, or if he has just believed everything his father had told him. Hearing what she said, had touched something deep inside of him, and it made her happy to know that she could do that for him.

There was no denying it anymore. He had proven he was much more than a perverted dickhead, and the connection was there. She wanted to see exactly where this relationship went, because while he seemed to be gruff and rude on the outside, there was a much softer spot inside. It was that spot she wanted to get to know.

…HM…

Kagome fiddled with her fingers as she looked down at the table. Across from her sat Sesshomaru, his gaze concerned as he watched her. They had just finished their meal in silence, and now it was time to get to the hard part. Luckily Sesshomaru had requested a private table for them to sit at, so she didn't have to worry about anyone over hearing them but she now had to fight with herself.

She needed her questions answered, but she didn't want to hear them. She placed a hand to her stomach feeling it roll already, and Sesshomaru sat up straighter, getting ready to help her if she were to become sick, and that action alone did it. Seeing his concern was enough to give her the courage to move forward, if only to see where their relationship was going to go from here.

"Tell me about it." Kagome breathed, her deep breathes helping to keep her nausea at bay.

Sesshomaru nodded tensely, before swallowing. "We had only been together for a few months. I was studying for a test when Kagura contacted me. At first I ignored her, but she was persistent. I finally replied to tell her to leave me alone, but she offered answers, and at that time, I wanted a few of those answers, much like you do now. I was told we would be in the presence of others, but she lied. I attempted to leave immediately but… she wanted more from me. I declined, even mentioning you but she never gave up, and… well, you know where it went."

Kagome nodded, closing her eyes for a moment and swallowed deeply just as he had. "You resisted, but she continued?"

"She went so far as to push me to the ground and grab me." Sesshomaru admitted. He hated seeing the pain on Kagome's face, but she needed answers, and he would give them.

"Some would consider that rape." Kagome commented, and Sesshomaru shook his head. Claiming rape would make things easier for him. Kagome would come running back to his arms, and all would be well, but he wouldn't lie.

"I gave in. I willing went to bed with her." He whispered, and Kagome looked away, tears in her eyes.

"Why her?" Kagome asked, looking at him again and he fisted his hands. These questions were a lot harder to answer than he thought they would be.

"She was there. You and I had not reached that step yet, and…" he paused, but continued on when she didn't say anything. "The sex with her had always been good before that night."

"Is she better than me? Does she please you more?" Kagome gasped out, the tears starting to fall. She had given him her virginity, so she had no idea how to do anything at first. He had needed to teach her.

"No!" Sesshomaru exclaimed, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Never think that, Kagome. You give me everything I ever needed and more. I knew that the first time we made love. I was stupid and wasn't thinking, and you and I hadn't been together, I had no idea how good for me you would be. No matter what happens, please Kagome, don't ever think she is better than you. She will never be better than you, no one will."

"I don't know what to think anymore." Kagome admitted. "I want to believe you, that she means nothing to you, but it's hard. Everything I thought I knew has been thrown out the window." She paused to think for a moment, before turning back to him. "You said before that night? The sex was always good before that night?"

"You know me, I have never had… complications in the arousal department, but… that time I did. I either… couldn't keep up my arousal, or couldn't reach sexual gratification. I think my body knew, deep down, that what I was doing would hurt you, and eventually we just gave up."

"Sesshomaru, if you didn't cum, how is Malik here?" Kagome asked, her eyes confused as she met his.

"It is still possible to become pregnant, even if the male has not cum. Precum, while less likely can still do the trick." Sesshomaru reminded, his face screaming that he wished her hopes were true, but they just weren't. Malik was his… no matter how much he didn't want it to be true.

"And Malik? What do you plan to do about him." Kagome asked. This would be a major deciding factor on what she would do about Sesshomaru. Ultimately, she didn't think she could stay with Sesshomaru if he kept Malik. The child would be a constant reminder of what Sesshomaru had done.

"I don't know. I had this picture of my future and how I wanted it to be. You and I with our children running around our feet. Malik... he doesn't fit into that picture, and I don't want him too, but if I were to turn him away, that would make me a horrible father, and I don't want to be like my own." Sesshomaru replied, leaning back in his chair as he thought about his own answer. He was stuck in this dilemma and it broke Kagome's heart, because Sesshomaru would most likely do the right thing, and take Malik in. And if he did, Kagome would never go back to her husband.

"I think it's time for me to go." Kagome whispered, standing from the table. She barely had time to react before she heard a chair scrap and fall to the floor, and arms wrap around her tight. She gasped as she realized Sesshomaru had grabbed her and pulled her to his chest. His entire body shook as he held her, and she could have sworn she heard him holding back tears.

"Please Kagome. I beg of you…" He whispered in her ear, and she shook her head, her tears falling freely now.

"Could you forgive me?" She asked, and he tensed immediately , his arms holding her even tighter. That was enough of an answer. "Could you accept any child I produce through infidelity?" The same reaction as before, and she knew it. No, he couldn't accept any of those things were they to happen. "Why do you ask me to do, what you yourself can't?"

Sesshomaru still held onto her, but one arm released its hold, and cupped her stomach, rubbing at the slight swelling beneath her clothing. His hand was warm on her skin and she shivered as he took a shaky and wet breath. His other arm finally let her go and went to his face, and while she couldn't see it, she knew he was wiping away his tears. They both knew that the chances of them ever working out were lower than them separating. A lot lower.

"i'll take you to mother's." He whispered, pulling back completely. His hand slipped from under her shirt, and her tears fell faster at the loss of his contact and the broken look o his face. Still though, she nodded, and began to make her way to his car. For today, their time was over, and she wasn't sure if they would ever have any more, and in that moment both felt completely and utterly shattered.

…HM…

Its been awhile, and I apologize. I hoping this is me getting back into writing. Between a horrible pregnancy, and learning to be a mom, I just haven't had the time or motivation to write. I'm slowly starting to get the hang of things though. I won't even promise schedule updates, but I will promise that all of my open stories will eventually be finished. I just need your patience.