Truth Be Told
Only now could I feel the adrenaline pumping through me; keeping me from feeling the pain that I should be. All that I could concentrate on, at the moment, was my intense hyperventilating and the images of Peter narcissistic expression, when he was about to kill me once and for all. My eyes couldn't seem to concentrate on anything but the images in my mind and Eric's tall, menacing figure. By now, I had been sat there for so long that I hadn't even comprehended that Eric had already caught up to Peter, Al and Molly and returned to me. I couldn't even comprehend what he was saying to me in that very moment. All I could do was see his face. Though I hated myself for it, I was scared. Afraid. Alone.
" Rianna. Rianna, snap out of it!" Eric was shaking me now and it hurt. I couldn't decide whether it was the pain or loudness of his voice that finally broke me away from my thoughts, but I was now staring straight into his worried grey eyes.
" T-They..." A single sob shook through me, the first one so far. Somehow, despite feeling the need to, I'd managed to hold back my cries for the whole time, but now they were all threatening to escape - threatening to cripple me into a pool of fear.
" Don't," Eric ordered firmly, cringing as he saw a single tear slip from my eye. " Don't talk about it. Don't think about it. Can you walk?" Though I knew his anger wasn't directed at me, I couldn't help but feel a little frightened by the tone of his voice; he sounded feral almost. It was unlike anything I'd ever heard before.
" I-I..." Just the sound of his voice had oddly soothed me, however. Because of this, I managed to hold back my cries again, but this only increased my shaking and breathing. " I don't know."
Eric's eyes seemed to soften as he stole a glance at my shaking body and blood stained face. " Come here." His voice was gentle and soothing. At first I hadn't understood what he meant, but my curiosity was soon answered. Suddenly, Eric scooped me up into his arms, cradling me against his chest as if I was as light as a feather. He began to walk with ease, while holding my body tightly against his. His chest was warm and welcoming, making me feel as if I was caved with protection and comfort. The feelings surging through me were the same that had occurred when I'd first been in his arms - this time they were more powerful and lasted longer.
While he moved, I tried to concentrate on calming myself down. Before I knew it, he had walked into an unfamiliar room - that appeared very much like an apartment. I didn't focus much on the surroundings and instead on the feeling of Eric's arms around me. Soon, however, he had placed me down in a sitting position on a soft bed, leaving me feel cold again. It felt like I'd been abandoned, even though he'd only wandered mere metre's away from me.
" Eric." I found myself saying his name out loud and he turned at the sound of my voice, approaching me again. He seemed concerned. Crouching in front of me, he seemed to examine my neck.
" Does it hurt to speak? That wound needs stitching. I can either take you to the infirmary-" Eric began.
I quickly interrupted. " No... I-I'm fine..."
" They won't go near you again, Rianna, I will make sure of that... I have stitches here but I'm not as qualified-"
" Do it... I trust you." Eric frowned at my words, but quickly headed to a cupboard and pulled out a medical box. My eyes followed him as he walked away from me. It seemed that my fear rose when he moved further away; I felt much more comforted when he was around.
" This is going to hurt, but I need you to be strong and not scream. I'm surprised what happened didn't alert anyone else..." Eric muttered the last sentence and pulled out an anti-septic cloth. Both our eyes locked as he pressed the cloth against my neck wound. Instantly, I gasped in pain and gripped onto Eric's wrist. " Just a few more seconds," He whispered to me as I squeezed my eyes shut. While I tried to ignore the pain, I felt a hand brush against the side of my face, pulling my hair away from the wound on my cheek.
" W-What did you do to them?" My breathing had finally slowed but my heart was still pounding. Since I was gripping onto Eric's wrist tightly, my body wasn't as shaky anymore. Deep breathing seemed to be ridding the adrenaline from my body, meaning I could feel the pain much more now.
" They'll all be in the infirmary for the night. They're lucky they won't be in there for longer..." Eric snarled, his voice low and sharp, causing me to flinch. Finally, he pulled the anti-septic away from my wound. The stinging subsided a little, but surged again; this time in my cheek as he pressed it to the gash on there.
" Why are you doing this?" I gripped his wrist tighter as the stinging increased, but I opened my eyes so I met his concerned ones again. Only now did I notice how close to me Eric actually was. Only now could I feel his warm breath on my face and smell his musky, slightly cologne filled scent.
" Don't ask stupid questions," Eric ordered, moving his eyes away from mine and on my wounds instead.
" You... You said you wouldn't save me again..." My voice sounded raspy and weak; not the voice of the brave girl I strive to be.
" Well I did," Eric replied bluntly.
" Why?"
Eric sighed deeply and took the cloth away from my wound. I frowned at the blood covering it. " They... You were close to by apartment. Your screams woke me up... what I did was instinctive."
My frown deepened in confusion. " Instinctive?"
Eric looked through the medical box for a second before finding some stitches at the bottom. Pulling them out, he looked up at me again with innocent eyes; the same ones that I'd only see 6 years ago. " Half the time I don't know what I'm doing when I save you... I just do it."
" I know what instinctive means," I muttered, my voice still quite. My attempt at snapping at him was feeble and clearly didn't work. " Why me?"
Eric let out a scoff. " If you find an answer to that question, then tell me because I don't know."
" You're being nice to me... You're supposed to be ruthless and irredeemable... You're supposed to be like your father..." My eyes widened as I realised what I'd just said. Eric's hands instantly froze just before the stitch pierced my wound. For a moment, a tension filled silence hung in the air.
" What did you just say?" Eric's voice was low and cold; distant, almost. It was different to before; before he was open and warm, now he was the opposite.
" I-" I was about to speak but didn't know what to say. " Please just do my stitches..." Eric took a deep breath, before beginning my stitches in silence.
In a matter of around 10 minutes, both my wounds were stitched up and Eric was placing the medical box back in the cupboard. We'd both sat in silence the both time, and throughout it all I'd worried about what questions he was going to ask me about what I'd said.
" You're staying here tonight." It wasn't a choice but an order. This surprised me, as I'd believed that the first thing he would say to me would be a question about what I'd said.
I was in no mood to protest, and the last thing I wanted to do was sleep in the infirmary or in the dormitories. After last night, I didn't think I'd ever feel safe there again. Peter, Molly and Al were always going to be a threat to me now... " Okay," I replied.
" If you... If you ever need anything, then you know where to find me," Eric told me in a quieter voice, avoiding my eyes as he spoke. After washing his hands of the blood from my wounds, he shuffled through some draws in the left corner of the apartment.
" Okay."
" Is that all you're going to say? Okay?" Eric snapped, his anger rising for some reason. " Are you not going to question why I'm telling you this? Why I seemingly care?" I shook my head at him, a small frown forming on my face. " Good."
" You care... otherwise you wouldn't be doing this." My voice was sounding a little stronger, now that the images had receded in my mind. All of my concentration was focused on Eric - like he had ripped away all my thoughts of what they'd done. " You wouldn't have woken when I screamed for help when Peter grabbed me from behind, pinned me to a wall and threatened me... You wouldn't have come to me when Molly handed Peter and Al a knife and Peter cut me with it... You wouldn't have fought them away from me while I felt helpless and afraid... like the weak little girl I've always been."
Eric approached me again, his eyes wide and angered, his palms twitching. " Why were you out walking in the middle of the night?"
" I couldn't sleep... I just... I needed some fresh air..." I mumbled back, looking up into Eric's fury-filled eyes. His hands clenched into fists and he looked away from me, looking through the drawer again.
" Put this on. The bloods ruined your shirt." Eric ordered, throwing a black jumper to me. Before I could even answer, he turned away and walked into, what seemed to be, a bathroom. I watched with a frown as he left, then realised that he was giving me privacy to get changed. Before now, I hadn't realised the amount of blood that had actually seeped from the wound, but as I pulled my black tank top from over my head, I found that at least a quarter of it was now red.
It was just after I'd slowly pulled the warm, thick jumper over my head that I heard the smashing noise. The noise had come from in the bathroom and, without thinking, I bolted up from the bed and knocked, before entering the bathroom. Stepping inside, I gasped as I saw the scene in front of me; glass littered the ground around Eric, where he stood clutching the sink with his strong hands. It appeared that he'd smashed the large mirror in anger, as his knuckles were blood stained.
" Get away from me," Eric ordered in an authoritative tone, his face contorted with guilt, hurt and what looked to be fear. I was so use to see Eric looking strong and so unaffected by anything, that this caught me by surprise. Instead of listening, however, I took a step further into the bathroom.
" Why did you do that?" I questioned in a soft, angelic tone, hoping that his anger would fade.
" I said get away from me!" Eric's voice was louder this time and his smashed his hands against the sink, wincing in pain as he did. This time I didn't reply instantly and, instead, I approached him cautiously, gently pressing a hand against his right arm. A sigh escaped his lips at the feeling of my touch, and he seemed to relax slightly.
" Eric..." My voice was a mere whisper now. His head turned slightly as my voice, but still our eyes didn't meet; he kept his locked on the ground. " It's okay,"
" It should be me telling you that." Eric's jaw clenched and I felt the urge to move away from him again, sensing that the anger rose again. It didn't. So instead, I moved closer towards him, this time wrapping my hand around his arm. My instincts lead me to do this, right now my brain wasn't functioning properly. All I knew is that I had to help Eric, like he helped me.
" Now it's my turn to tell you. I'm okay... You're okay..." I whispered soothingly, willing for him to look at me. Instantly, it seemed like something snapped within him, and he swiftly turned to wrap his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. A small smile formed on my lips as I buried my head into his warm, muscular chest, feeling the comfort I'd felt before. The feeling was strange and foreign, yet the most amazing feeling in the world.
" It's my fault... It's all my fault..." Eric mumbled, while lowering his head down and into my hair, inhaling deeply.
" What happened to me is my fault... Why are you blaming yourself?" I didn't bother pulling away. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his torso and gripped him tighter. What lead Eric towards showing me this affection, bewildered me. I couldn't begin to understand it. Then again, why was I showing him the affection back?
" I thought 3rd would be safe enough... The 1st ranked initiate at the end of stage 1 is always targeted by the others... 3rd was supposed to be safe." Eric growled, protectively gripping me tighter. I felt his hands clench into fists behind my waist. " It's not just that..."
" Then what is it, Eric?" This voice that I was using was unknown to me - the last time I'd used it was more than 6 years ago, when I use to speak to my mother.
" I could have stopped it... I could have saved them... I was weak..." Eric's voice was slowly hardening in anger. This time, I pulled away slightly as looked up at him. His arms were like an unbreakable lock around me, meaning that I only managed to move a few inches away from him. It was just enough to allow our eyes to lock on one another.
" Who, Eric? Who?" I frowned as I asked.
" Your mother." My eyes widened as he said this, and I knew we were back on the touchy topic. He remembers. Eric remembers. How? How long had he known? Why was he telling me now? Why? He remembers. " I could have saved her... I should have stopped my father... then maybe-"
" Stop... Stop..." I ordered, squeezing my eyes shut and pushing the memories away of my mother. I couldn't afford to be upset and weak right now. " You remember?"
" Who forgets something like that?" Eric snapped, anger flaring in his eyes. " My father made me watch death after death of every divergent rebel, in an attempt to harden me. He made me into who I am today. He made me like this!" I flinched slightly at the ferocity of his voice. Yet again, his eyes softened as he saw this and he took a deep breath to calm himself.
" There was nothing you could have done. What's done is done. You saved someone, that's all that matters. You saved me." Eric didn't reply to this. Only a frown formed on his face in response. " You sound like him sometimes... when you're angry... like the time when you hung me over the chasm, or when I shouted at you when you were telling me that I wasn't a killer... It still scares me and I hate that... You're not the only one he's affected..."
Eric's frown deepened and hurt seemed to form in his eyes. " I don't want to sound like him... I don't want to be like him... I don't want to feel this guilt anymore!" His hands unwound themselves from around me as his anger rose again. Refraining from breaking something else, Eric swept both hands through his hair and clenched his jaw.
" Guilt?" I hated the fact that my voice was still no higher than a whisper.
" I didn't save them... any of them, only you. I could have saved more, but I didn't. I'm not supposed to feel guilty about it, but I do." Eric's voice was rough and stone cold. " I've been trained to spot divergents... to kill them. I have to... I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to let you get hurt... I want to protect you..." Eric looked up at me, his voice sounding truly broken; his father had broken Eric from a young age. Eric's father had broken the part of a human that cares. " I don't know why... but I have to protect you."
" Eric..." I began, but he interrupted by storming up to me so we were inches away from each other again. For a second or two he just stared deeply into my eyes, grabbing my face between his hands.
" Just stop talking." He ordered, before smashing his lips against mine with an unforeseen passion, that sent a whirlwind of emotions through me; one's that I'd never experienced or ever thought to exist. For some inexplicable reason, this moment was beyond perfect.