Chapter Thirteen

The air was cold and harsh on Brendan's face. Leaving the house had proven to be difficult after being so comfortable the day before. Stephen had whined a little when Brendan had told him he had to go out but he had accepted it silently when Brendan bent down to brush his lips softly against his.

He couldn't leave Warren in charge unsupervised for too long; fuck knows what would end up happening. Even so, he felt uneasy being out of the house and yet he couldn't quite work out why. He wanted to take care of his business as quickly as possible and then return home.

He walked into the club, spotting Warren almost immediately sitting beside the bar, a newspaper in his hand.

"Alright, Brady?" He asked lightly, not looking up.

"Fine. Got the books?"

"Office" Warren said shortly.

Brendan nodded, closing the office door behind him.

He spent about an hour working on the books before he heard a knock on the door. Warren walked in after a few moments hesitation and sat across from Brendan.

"What is it, Foxy?" Brendan asked, not looking up.

"Do you mind covering for me tonight? Mitzeee and me, we've well, got plans" Warren grinned slyly as Brendan slowly looked up.

"Is that right? And I don't have plans?"

Warren raised his eyebrows. "Oh right, course. You have your Stephen back. How longs that going to last then?"

"It's not up for discussion" Brendan said tersely.

Warren laughed. "I'll give it a few months until it all comes crashing down"

Brendan stood up abruptly. "Is that it then?"

"Depends, are you going to cover me or not?"

"Sure, whatever" Brendan said airily. He'd ask Stephen to join him anyway.

"Thanks, mate" Warren said, clapping a hand on Brendan's shoulder which he recoiled from. "Remind me to return the favour sometime"

"Oh ye can count on it" Brendan said, seeing Warren out of the room. He was about to close the door when Stephen bounded up the stairs.

"Bren! Glad I caught you" Stephen said, eyeing Warren warily and sliding past Brendan into the office.

"What is it?" Brendan asked, feeling tense.

"Amy called, she's back tonight! I can't believe it; I said a little notice would have been nice…" Stephen trailed off, shaking his head. "Anyway, she's staying with Mike for a bit until she finds something more permanent and I said I'd help her unpack and deal with the kids"

"Can't Mike do it?" Brendan asked. He couldn't disguise the annoyance in his tone.

"He has enough on his plate" Stephen said dismissively. "Besides, I want to" His pale blue eyes looked at Brendan fixedly for a moment. "That's okay isn't it? We didn't have plans?"

"I have to work" Brendan said with a sigh, sitting on the edge of the desk. A part of him wanted to make Stephen stay and work as well, but that wasn't Brendan's style anymore; not always.

"Aw that's a shame" Stephen said, cocking his head to the side.

"Hey, how are ye getting there?" Brendan frowned. Stephen would be going quite late he imagined. He didn't like the idea of that.

"Oh I'll get a taxi or something"

"No" Brendan said, the word coming out without warning.

"No?" Stephen laughed a little. "How else? You don't want me to get the bus, do you?"

"No!" Brendan said again, a little more forcefully. "No, listen I'll drive ye, before work"

"Oh" Stephen's expression lightened. "That's great, thank you"

"My pleasure"

Stephen occupied the space around them a little awkwardly. He could probably sense Brendan's displeasure but couldn't work out why. He moved forwards, hesitating before kissing Brendan's cheek.

"I'll see you later" he said, skittering out of the office.

Brendan sighed heavily, knocking a few pens off of his desk in frustration. "Great" he murmured to himself.

xxx

Ste slipped into the passengers' seat, his hands resting on his lap awkwardly. Brendan hadn't said much since he'd returned from the club. Ste couldn't help but feel as though he had done something wrong. Brendan slid in beside him, starting up the engine. It was odd but Brendan looked impossibly more attractive in his car. He pulled out his shades, driving away from the village speedily and decisively, as was Brendan's style.

It took a while for Ste to find the courage to say anything. He stared out of the window for a while, watching the world pass by in a blur. He hadn't driven since he was a teenager and had been arrested for the accident. It didn't inspire much confidence in getting behind the wheel once more. Ste glanced over at Brendan who looked straight ahead at the road, his expression unreadable. Ste decided for some light conversation to ease the tension.

"How come you're working tonight then?" He asked, his voice coming out low and raspy. He cleared it.

"Foxy has plans" Brendan said distastefully. Perhaps this hadn't been the best topic after all.

"It worked out quite well then" Ste said lightly. "Me going to Mike's and all" he clarified.

"Hm" Brendan replied darkly. They were silent once more.

"Is something, um…" Ste trailed off uncertainly. "Wrong?"

Brendan finally looked at him. "No" he said.

"You're acting strange" Ste said without thinking, immediately regretting his choice of words.

"Strange?" Brendan asked, incredulous. "What are ye on about?"

"Can we stop somewhere a minute?" Ste requested, feeling uneasy.

"Alright" Brendan said, his voice low. He pulled into a service stop, cutting off the engine and leaving the car eerily silent. "Well?" He said after a while, his fingers drumming across the steering wheel in irritation.

"Do you not want me to go?" Ste asked uncertainly.

"That's ridiculous" Brendan said quietly. "What kind of man would I be if I couldn't handle ye having yer own life away from me?"

Ste frowned, noting the truth hidden in Brendan's words. "That's it, isn't it?"

"What's it?" Brendan asked sharply.

"You can't handle it" Ste said slowly. "You're scared that-" he cut off, feeling foolish and bigheaded. "No, never mind"

"No, carry on" Brendan pressed, clearly agitated.

"Okay…" Ste began again. "You're scared that by letting me go will make me not want to come back, and leave you again"

"A little dramatic for a trip to Mike's" Brendan said dryly but Ste was sure he had hit a nerve.

"It's not just that" Ste said, beginning to understand. "This morning you said something"

"What did I say? I was half awake when I left ye"

"You said…" Ste frowned. "You said that you had to go, and you looked at me…" Ste trailed off, remembering. "You looked at me like it was the last time you ever would, and when you kissed me…it felt like goodbye"

"It was goodbye" Brendan said gruffly. "I was going out"

"No… it was more than that" Ste said, staring into the distance. He looked at Brendan suddenly. "Are you scared to leave me alone?"

The question took Brendan by surprise. He gripped his sunglasses firmly, not looking at Ste.

"It's alright" Ste said, dazed. "I think I understand"

"Ye don't" Brendan said suddenly, his voice coming out low and harsh. "I'm not like ye, Stephen. I'm not like everyone else. I don't do relationships. Sure with Vinnie, I said he was my boyfriend to ye but, well he wasn't, not really" Brendan stared out of the window. "I don't accept things like other people do, I don't know how to distance myself from ye when ye are so close to me, and after so long without ye. And after everything that has driven us apart and threatened us, how can I accept that ye will be there every time I come home? Who's to say ye won't be gone?"

"Well I say" Ste said softly, overwhelmed by Brendan's words. "You just have to trust me"

"I don't know how" Brendan said, brutally honest.

Ste hesitantly reached out to take Brendan's hand in his smaller one. "Relationships are never easy, they take work and sacrifice. You have to give each other space, and I know that space is very important to you, at least I thought it was" Ste said doubtfully.

"Maybe when we weren't…When it wasn't like this, when I knew I could lure ye back whenever I wanted"

"Me leaving" Ste said, comprehension dawning suddenly on him. "Really changed your perspective, didn't it?"

"Ye have no idea" Brendan breathed out a shaky breath.

"I don't know if that's good or bad" Ste said hesitantly.

"Both I think. It's left me more of a paranoid mess than before, and at the same time made me realise what I was missing"

Ste nodded slowly, thinking things through. "How can I help? What can I do?"

"Nothing" Brendan said. "Just let me work through it myself"

"Do you need me to…?" Ste left the question unanswered. He wasn't sure that going to Mike's was the best idea right now.

"It's fine. Ye go, I'll pick ye up later, okay?"

"Okay" Ste said, breathing a sigh of relief.

Brendan looked at Ste then, his lips curving into a sad smile. "I must frighten ye quite a bit"

"Not anymore" Ste said truthfully. "You can always tell me these things though, I don't mind"

Brendan nodded. "Alright"

The rest of the journey passed by amicably. Brendan drove one-handed, his other hand enclosed over Ste's. When they arrived outside Mike's, Ste leaned across the seat to give Brendan a tight hug, his lips finding the place on his neck he loved to be touched.

He watched him drive away feeling both relieved and a little anxious. There was so much they still had to work through; Brendan had been a closed book for so long now that things were starting to bubble unceremoniously to the surface. Ste liked the honesty, cherished it after all of the uncertainty and fear, but he still felt uneasy. He needed to show Brendan that he wasn't going anywhere, not now Brendan had proved himself.

Amy was impossibly happy to see him. The kids bounded over to him, clinging to his legs before Ste bent down to wrap them in his arms. He smiled at Amy over their heads, feeling like a family once more.

They spent the day sorting through Amy's things and separating Ste's own boxes. It took a while and by the end of it Ste felt exhausted. Collapsing into a kitchen chair, Amy made him a cup of tea and brought it over with her own. She sat across from him, a pensive look on her face.

"What is it?" Ste asked uneasily, sipping at his tea.

"What's the plan, Ste?" Amy asked directly.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you staying with Brendan, or moving back in with us?"

Ste stared down at the mug in his hands. "It isn't easy" he said quietly.

"I know" Amy said gently. "And it's completely your choice and we'll be nearby regardless, so you can come by every day"

"Good, that's good" Ste said distractedly.

"Has something happened?" Amy asked curiously.

"What? No. Not really" Ste looked at her. "Bren's just a bit paranoid right now, that's all"

"He's frightened about losing you" Amy said. It wasn't a question.

"Well, yeah. Pretty much"

"It doesn't surprise me" Amy said with a sigh, putting her mug down. "He doesn't deserve you and he knows that"

"Amy-"

"Hear me out" Amy put up a hand, silencing Ste. "But I can see that he loves you, and you love him. And nothing I say or do will change that"

Ste smiled ashamedly.

"So I'm happy for you, both of you" Amy said with a small smile. "And if Brendan needs to keep you close right now then that's okay. We're here regardless"

"That means a lot, thank you" Ste said genuinely, reaching across the table to kiss Amy's cheek.

Amy chuckled. "Besides, if I get a new boyfriend you'll only cramp my style" She grinned a little, teasing.

"Is that right? Got your sights set on anyone?"

Amy blushed visibly.

"It all comes out now!" Ste said triumphantly. They spent the remainder of the evening chatting about Amy's love life and other chatter; it felt good to talk to Amy once more. After they put the kids to bed they cuddled up on the sofa together like they used to. Ste was almost reluctant to go home; it felt so comfortable here with Amy and the kids.

xxx

Brendan was at the club, his fingers tapping impatiently on the bar, glancing up every now and then to look at the clock. Cheryl emerged from the office, walking towards him with a knowing smile on her face.

"Missing him?"

"Mm" Brendan said in acquiesce.

"When are you picking him up?" Cheryl asked, leaning against the bar.

"Another hour or so" Brendan said, looking at the clock once more. Cheryl followed his gaze.

"It's quite late, what are they doing?"

Brendan held his phone in his hand. "He texted, they're watching television or something now the kids are asleep"

Cheryl looked at Brendan, her face soft. "Do you not think he should stay there tonight? Just this once?"

Brendan looked at her sharply. Cheryl read his expression easily, she knew her brother well.

"You have to trust him to come back, Bren. Otherwise it won't last"

Warren's earlier words echoed in Brendan's mind. Cheryl was right, as much as he hated to admit it.

"Ye think?" He said, unsure.

"I know" Cheryl corrected. "Go on, text him. He'll appreciate it" Cheryl patted his shoulder as she moved past him and away.

Brendan stared down at his phone, contemplating what he should say. Eventually he decided on:

"Stephen, ye might as well stay with Amy tonight. I'll be fine, missing ye like mad, but I'll deal. About time I trusted ye, isn't it? BB"

The reply came through only moment's later, making Brendan smile warmly. He hoped no one was watching him right now but he suspected that Cheryl would be.

"Thank u. Love u xx"