Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's notes: Thank you for commenting folks - you make writing this so much fun.
Leaving the house on time, with a newborn, was a feat Bella had yet to accomplish. She had the diaper bag and baby carrier by the door, the stroller ready to park on the porch. She'd just put her shoes on when the sound, and ooze of a wet explosion in her arms made her grimace. Holding Sarah as far away from her nose as she dared, she slugged herself and the baby upstairs, changed the offending diaper and outfit, and then washed her hands. By this point, Sarah was beginning to fuss again, and Bella realised she was probably hungry. Sighing, and giving up on arriving at the baby group on time, Bella sat down on the couch to nurse. Again.
She waited for more explosions, but none came, so she carefully wrapped Sarah in a warm blanket, and tucked her into the stroller. Just as she had rolled it out the door, the phone rang. Bella toyed with not answering it, but thinking it might be Charlie, set the brake, and ran back in to get the phone.
"Stay inside!" Alice said, her voice high and hard.
Then the line went dead.
Bella dropped the phone and ran for the front door.
Across the road, captured mid stride by the slow-motion Bella's mind seemed to be operating at, was a vibrant whirl of red hair.
Victoria.
The shocked breath that rattled in through Bella seemed to last forever, her hand trying to yank the braked stroller back inside.
And then, there, before her brain could make sense of it, was another body, this one crouched defensively at the top of the stairs. She knew every angle of it, and stood, frozen, mesmerized by the movement of the bronze hair that the cold breeze ruffled.
There was a second body then—Alice's, she realized, crouched also against attack.
Victoria disappeared, as if by magic—there one moment, and then gone, the laurel bush rattling where she'd been.
Bella was fumbling with the straps of the stroller, hands shaking, trying to get Sarah out. When she did, she pressed her to her chest, arms wrapped protectively around her.
She could feel her own breaths coming faster and faster, the air not quite enough for her body to accept.
Alice had stood, and turned around slightly, watching her intently. "Bella," she said calmly, and slowly, "you're holding her too tightly."
The words registered, but dully. Bella was looking at the ghost on her porch.
She wasn't sure if he was real.
"We need to go," Alice said, her voice rising in alarm. "Now."
"Hold on to Sarah, Bella," the apparition said.
She just looked at it dumbly.
"Bella," Alice said, "we have to go. Can you hold her while we run?"
No response.
"Edward, take Bella. I'll take Sarah," and Alice went to take the baby.
Bella said nothing, but stiffened, arms tighter around Sarah.
"Now!" Alice's voice was high with urgency.
And they were flying. Bella closed her eyes, arms curled protectively around the fragile flesh of her child, colder arms around them both.
When the movement ended, she felt herself set down carefully onto the upholstery of a couch.
She could hear voices, babbling softly around her, too quick for her to catch, so she focused on breathing, loosening her arms slightly around Sarah. She was still asleep, her trusting face puckering, lips moving in a silent suck.
Her baby safe, she set her carefully on the couch, knowing her own control was almost spent.
The shaking was growing, the air still tight in her lungs. When the curtain of blackness descended, it was a relief to feel her body slump into its welcome nothingness.
When she came to, she was laying down, feet elevated, a heavy blanket over her.
"Sarah!" she gasped, trying to sit up.
"She's right here," Alice said, one hand holding her down, drawing Bella's eyes to the small bundle in her sure arm. "She's fine. Just lay down for a bit, OK?"
Bella did, her eyes scanning the space.
She was in the Cullen's living room. That much she could piece together. Alice was there, and ten short feet away, the vision that had haunted her for months stood, hands curling, face a mask of anxious worry.
Esme's figure came into view, a cup held between her hands.
Bella closed her eyes again.
It was too much.
She couldn't handle seeing them all.
Too much.
At least her breathing was reassuringly normal. She made it her only thought.
It helped.
But then she opeend her eyes, and they were all still there.
This time, Alice didn't push her back when she sat up, but she did look at Esme and Edward, who moved silently from the room.
"Here," Alice said, handing her the cup. The scent of honeyed tea reached her, and she took a sip.
The hollowness receded slightly, as she drank more of it.
"Why," she began, her voice hoarse, "did you come back?"
Alice looked worried. They'd talked about this. "To keep you safe, Bella," she said softly. It was almost with reproach.
Bella nodded. "And you'll all leave, once that's done?" she asked.
"If that's what you want, yes," Alice said quietly, almost inaudibly.
"I see," Bella whispered, acknowledging the answer, still nodding, as if to herself.
Edward had joined the others outside, his mind raging. It had all been in vain. Their leaving. The torturous time apart. Her misery.
For nothing.
He wanted to destroy something. Burn it. Make it ash. Explode each particle into nothingness.
But he couldn't.
Instead, he watched, as they did, feeling the needling of Jasper's influence, prickling at his anger and despair, like having pins and needles in his heart.
"Don't!" he snarled.
"Then keep it together!" Jasper barked back.
Edward would have liked nothing better than to take his frustrations out on Jasper at the moment, but a small, and solitary wail made them all look towards its source.
Bella had taken Sarah, pressing her to her chest, rubbing her back. She stood carefully, walking, holding her head carefully in her hand.
Esme had reappeared, looking worried. Alice looked uncertain too.
"It's just gas," Bella said, and walked still, trying to soothe her.
Alice and Esme exchanged nervous glances. They were worried Bella would faint while she was holding Sarah.
"May I?" Esme asked, tentatively.
Feeling her own shakiness reassert itself, Bella sat again, and held Sarah out.
Esme took her deftly, smiling gently at her, and then very carefully, turned her over so that Sarah's chest rested lengthways on Esme's forearm. She rubbed her back, and was soon rewarded with a large belch. Sliding her back over, she nestled her into her arm, wrapping a blanket around her with a well practised motion.
"Thank you," Bella said.
"Oh no, thank you," Esme said, smiling. "It's been a while. Feels good to hold a baby again." She let her fingers fuss with the edge of the material, tucking it away from Sarah's face. Flicking her eyes up at Bella, she saw her nod, and kept Sarah still.
Bella cleared her throat. "Is it safe for us to go home?"
Alice frowned. "I'm not sure yet," she said. "Not alone, no. If we're close, then yes. What they're doing is...not certain."
"They," Bella said, as if testing this word out. More than one.
"Victoria, and one another. At least," Alice confirmed.
Bella nodded, taking this in.
"It'd be better if you stayed here," came Edward's voice.
Bella's shoulders stiffened.
"I'd like to go home," she said, this time through almost clenched teeth.
"No," Edward said, "it's not safe."
"YOU GAVE UP THE RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU LEFT!" she bellowed.
Then she looked at him. Directly.
He was real alright.
She was glad she was angry. She wouldn't trust herself to lay eyes on him otherwise.
"It's safer here. For both of you," he said.
She wanted to scream at him, vent her rage and anger at being put in this position by him, but she knew he was right.
It was safer. And while she might have once been cavalier with her own life, she wouldn't be with Sarah's.
Her face felt hot, and she was sure it was a florid red.
"I need some air," she managed, moving by him, carefully avoiding contact.
She stood on the deck, hands on the railing, trying to breath out the frustration at being captive to their protection.
Sarah's wail made her close her eyes, and stow her own feelings.
Esme was walking slowly in her direction when she turned, and quietly handed her to Bella.
"There's a guest room, if you'd like to some privacy," she said softly, tipping her head in the direction of it.
Bella followed Esme up the short flight of stairs to what had been Esme's study the last time she was here. The south facing window illuminated a spacious bed, a rocking chair, a dresser. Tucked into the corner was a small bassinet.
She felt like an animal being installed in a zoo.
"Thank you," she said, less than graciously, and closed the door.
Sarah fussed, unsettled, and after almost an hour, Bella began to allow worry to enter into her mind. She didn't want to seek the help that was here though, and jumped slightly at the knock at the door.
"Just me," Alice said. "I come bearing lunch."
Right, Bella thought. She hadn't eaten. Or had much to drink. No wonder Sarah was fussing.
"Come on in," she called, still trying to get Sarah to latch, and stay.
Alice entered, pushing the door open with her hip. She closed it quietly, carrying a tray.
"Here," she said, setting it on the bed.
It smelled alluring.
"Want me to hold her while you eat?" she asked.
Bella frowned. Sarah was still mewling, her cries wavering in the space.
"You can't feed her until you eat yourself," Alice reminded her.
It was true, but it rankled to be told as much, even by Alice.
Reluctantly, Bella handed over Sarah, who quieted in Alice's arms. She ate, and Alice cooed to Sarah, melodiously describing her latest purchases.
Bella had to remind herself not to laugh while she ate.
"Couture nursery rhymes. Awesome."
"Style starts early, Bella. Clearly your mother didn't recite them," Alice said, cocking a judgemental eyebrow, but smiling also.
"Horrors," Bella muttered, finishing her lunch. "That," she said, "was amazing. Who do I have to thank?"
Alice didn't answer right away. "Is it OK if I say his name, or do I need to refer to him as he-who-must-not-be-named?" She put it lightly, but Bella could tell she wasn't sure how it would be received.
"You don't need to dance around it," Bella said, but her stomach twisted.
"Mmm," Alice said, "alright." She was eyeing Bella. "Have something to drink, you're dehydrated."
"That," Bella said, "is annoying."
"Yes, but I'm right, and Sarah needs you well."
"Uh-huh," she said, taking a drink.
Sarah's wails were growing louder.
Bella sighed, wrapping both her arms around her chest. She was sore.
"We have formula," Alice said.
"No," Bella said, taking Sarah back. "Absolutely not."
"I'm not saying she needs it. Just saying we have it."
Bella snorted. "Same thing."
"Hardly," Alice said.
In the kitchen, Esme looked at Edward with narrowed eyes. Don't, she thought. She's doing fine.
Edward could tell she meant it. She'd seen a century of the medical profession interfering with what women knew was best.
Bella held her arms open for Sarah. "No formula," she said, and put her back to her breast, wincing as she did. She closed her eyes, and leaned back, trying to relax, to calm herself.
Her stomach was in knots of anxiety, anger, and much as she hated to admit it, fear.
The sudden solution that presented itself made her sigh in relief.
"Pass me the phone, please," she said.
Alice looked at her, drop-jawed and stunned.
"No!" Edward growled.
Alice was still trying to process Bella's choice, and its implications when she heard Edward and Esme hissing at the door.
What surprised all of them, was Rose.
"Don't be an idiot!" she spat at him, low enough that Bella wouldn't hear. "It's her choice!"
"Not if it puts her in more danger, it isn't!"
"Alice," Bella said, "can you pass me the phone, please?"
Alice did, but slowly, almost as if she wished she could prevent it by degrees, with this delay.
"Hey Leah," Bella said, feeling relieved, "yeah, we're fine….yes, I'm with them...actually, I was hoping I could come stay with you tonight, if that's OK? Alright…"
Edward had barged into the room, startling Bella, and Sarah, who pulled away painfully, making Bella inhale sharply, and fumble with the phone.
Alice caught it, and giving Edward a warning look, returned it to Bella.
"Please stay," he said, "it's not safe there." He was desperate to keep her from the wolves, imaging her or Sarah mauled at some slight provocation. He'd seen enough of Emily's face in the minds of others. He knew where Bella and Sarah were safest.
"I think you'll need to come get me," Bella said, "can you get the car seat from my place?"
"No," Alice said, drawing Edward's angry eyes, "we'll drop you off." She returned the stare, daring him to challenge her.
"We'd be happy to," Rose added, from the doorway.
Esme stayed out of sight in the hall, her thoughts pained.
Stop trying to force her choices, Edward. You're only making things worse.
It took all his self control to lower his voice. "I'll drive you myself. What do you need for the night?" he asked.
"Hold on, Leah," Bella said, putting the phone to her shoulder, resettling Sarah. She didn't look at him. Couldn't. "Clothes, diapers, wipes, car seat, toothbrush."
Alice tapped the dresser. "I think we've got you covered, Bella. Better if you didn't go home...just yet," she said, frowning in concentration.
Edward held out his hand for the phone. "May I discuss where we'll meet her?" he asked.
Bella still couldn't look at him.
"Sure," she mumbled, holding it out to him. Their fingers brushed as he took it, and she felt the unnerving needling numbness, like she'd been shocked, travel up her arm.
She focused on Sarah, rocking back and forth, eyes closed, trying to relax again, but without success. The baby pulled away again, crying and frustrated.
Edward had walked away to finish the phone call, trying to give her some space. The conversation over, he'd returned, handing back Alice her phone. "When you're ready," he said quietly, to Bella. "We'll take you."
She nodded, looking away, hand over her face, trying to not to cry. She wanted to tell herself it was the exhaustion and the fright of the morning, but knew it wasn't all.
GO! Rose yelled silently at Edward. You're upsetting her!
When he turned to leave, she scowled at his back, following, making sure he didn't return.
"Bella?" Alice said tentatively. "Want me to put some things in a bag for you?"
Bella could only nod, the tears moving freely now. Sarah was crying loudly too, and the rocking was doing little to soothe her.
"How can we help you?" Esme said softly, coming to sit by them.
"She's hungry," Bella said, "and I can't feed her right now—" she wasn't sure how to explain.
"Stress can do that," Esme said, a gentle smile on her face. "I remember. You just need to—"
"Relax," Bella said, "I know." She wiped her nose. "I can't do that here." There were fresh tears, these ones of humiliation and shame. "Can you get the formula, please? I can't take her in the car like this."
"Sure," Esme said, watching her, concerned. "That's not a failure, Bella—to feed your baby."
"I know," Bella said, but it was clear she didn't feel it.
Esme returned quickly with it, and Sarah drank it willingly.
Bella let Esme take her while she washed her face. "Thank you," she said, taking Sarah back into her arms. "I'm ready."
Alice followed her to the garage, putting the bag in the trunk. She'd tucked lanolin cream on the top layer, hoping Bella knew to use it.
"You're not—?" Bella said, when Alice didn't move to get in the car.
"No," she said, "we'll follow, and be nearby, but we don't want Leah to feel...threatened near you."
That left Bella, Edward, and Sarah in the car.
"Thank you, Alice," Bella said, "for everything," and gave her a hug.
"Here," Esme said, walking in with a coat, and a small bundle. "These should fit."
Bella appreciated the coat. The garage was cool, and she'd left hers at home. "Thank you," she said, the emotions bubbling dangerously under the surface. Esme squeezed her hand wordlessly.
There was a thick sweater, just a little too big for Sarah, but enough to keep her warm, and a matching knitted blanket. The colours were startling beautiful. Whorls of blue, and green, with shots of gold thread running through them. It reminded Bella of looking at the ocean on a sunny day. She noted that there was no tag on either. They were handmade.
"Glad she'll get some use out of them," Esme said, fingering a curl of wool near Sarah's hand.
When Bella looked up from wrapping Sarah, Alice and Esme were gone.
"They've gone ahead," Edward said, seeing her look, pulling out the car seat from the back of the Volvo.
Bella nodded. It was too dangerous to use words near him.
"Do you need a hand?" he asked, watching her fumble with the unfamiliar straps.
She frowned, but moved back to let him secure them. Better she was safe, than to risk securing them incorrectly.
Edward moved deliberately, making sure she could see how it was done next time, and then locked the seat in place. He stood back, hand gesturing to the front, and then the back, eyebrows raised inquiringly.
Bella sat behind him, carefully avoiding his gaze in the rearview mirror.
They were a few minutes into the drive, when he spoke.
"She loves you. She was happy just to be with you when you fed her the formula."
Bella closed her eyes, and focused on breathing in, and out. She wanted to open the window, so she wouldn't be so overwhelmed by his smell, let alone by his voice, but she knew it would make Sarah cold, so she shut out as many of her sense as she could. If it wouldn't have felt so juvenile, she would have stuck her fingers in her ears and said "LA-LA-LA-LA!" over his voice.
She said nothing instead.
When they arrived, Bella presumed, at the designated meeting point, Edward stopped, and waited. Leah was parked a ways down the road, arms folded, leaning against her car.
"It's safe," Edward said, and got out, opening the door for Bella.
She unbuckled herself, and went to pick up the carseat.
"Wait," Edward said, "I'll get it. It's heavy."
He had her bag already, and when she stood, he pulled the carseat, and base from the car, waiting to follow her.
Leah had moved, and was standing, clearly nervous, at some invisible line that divided their territory.
Her thoughts were anything but calm. Most of her rage was directed at Edward, who was approaching, nervously. He wasn't convinced she was in control. He closed his eyes briefly, and said, "the car seat's too heavy for Bella to carry. Can you take it, please?" He held it out, arm fully extended, resting it on his fingertips.
Leah took it like it weighed nothing, and walked away as quickly as she could.
Before she could see, Edward slipped a phone into the top of the bag, and then handed it to her. "If you need anything, please call," he said.
Words were not a currency she would exchange with him. She wanted no part of the economy he was offering, and only nodded, taking the satchel from the vibrant touch of his hand, walking away to join Leah.
Sitting in the passenger seat, driving west, she pressed her arms tightly to her chest, trying to staunch the flow of milk, and the feeling that his touch had unlocked.