Chapter 13

Chat Noir didn't make it very far. Far enough to be out of sight. Far enough that he wouldn't be found. Collapsing on a roof, he curled up into a ball and sobbed. He pulled at his hair, buried his face in his knees and keened. Tears stung the cut on his cheek, each wretched sob stabbed at his chest, but he couldn't stop.

Curled up tighter and tighter, until he couldn't breathe. Until his muscles ached and still he curled up.

"I don't want this. I don't want this. Oh, god, what do I do?"

Tiny paws rested against his hands and a purr rumbled. "I'm so sorry."

Plagg. His transformation must've worn off. Adrien curled up tighter, shying away from Plagg's touch. "Don't touch me. I don't deserve it."

"Kid, that's not going to happen."

He rocked, a self-comforting motion which did little to serve his needs. "My mother. He has my mother."

"I saw. I saw everything. Let it out," Plagg soothed and rubbed himself against Adrien's forearms. "Let it all out. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Adrien's head shot up. "And you!" He cupped his hands underneath Plagg. "I made you transform! I made you and I hate myself and it was the only thing I could think of! And I couldn't tell you because—"

"I figured that out too," Plagg reached up to touch Adrien's uncut cheek, then rubbed his face against Adrien's nose. "I understand. I'm not angry. You did the right thing."

Adrien babbled. Sometimes coherently, but mostly it was a messy string of words which made no sense. Half formed thoughts and feelings which washed into words and slipped from him mouth into the world without acknowledgement. His chest ached. His throat felt raw. Stomach clenched and dizzy and breathless and his hold on the world was flimsy at best.

When there were no more words and no more tears and no more anything and he was wrung dry, he lay on the roof in a ball and stared at nothing.

Gradually, a song drifted into his awareness. Sweet and low. A song Adrien hadn't heard in ages. A lullaby his mother used to croon when he was sick or upset. It wasn't her voice and it wasn't Plagg's. But if he closed his eyes, he could pretend.

The song rose and fell, sliding over him and cleansing the hurt. Not gone, the pain lingered, but the tones made life bearable. Memories filled his mind of happier days, when her smile lit up the room and her hugs meant the world to him. She spun circles around him, lifted him in the air and smothered him in love.

She hadn't meant to leave him. She hadn't meant to go. She'd been captured and trapped and it was up to him to save her. Somehow.

Plagg's purr filled the spaces between the croons. A constant rumbling warm seeping through Adrien's skin. Time plodded on and with time came fatigue. Adrien's breathing quietened. His mind became less chaotic. Eventually he unfurled from the tight ball he'd been in and looked up at the blurry purple kwami floating in the air above him and serenading.

Seeing that he had Adrien's attention, Nooroo said, "You are Félicie's boy. Thank you."

"You knew my mother."

Nooroo smiled, "She was my choice. My Papillon."

Nothing was going to surprise Adrien today. Not anymore. He felt… numb… and full at the same time. A clarity which only came from grieving to exhaustion.

"And you are mine," Plagg said. "My choice. Don't believe him. Don't you dare."

Adrien sat up. Removing his glasses, he cleaned them of tears so he can see. "Plagg—"

"He's the master of manipulation," Plagg continued. "He will twist anything to his advantage. I didn't pick you because you were her son. I picked you because…" Trailing off, Plagg wrung his paws.

Adrien tilted his head and waited.

Plagg scowled. "Gah, you're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Plagg—"

"You have a good heart. One of the best. You're kind and selfless and everything I'm not."

Adrien poked him with a finger. "I love you too."

Disgruntled, Plagg pouted. "I didn't say that."

Sighing, Adrien looked up at the stars. "Marinette hates me. I deserve it. How am I going to explain this? She's never going to believe me."

"Adrien—"

"Don't try and sugar-coat this," Adrien said. He touched his cheek and winced. "I am royally screwed no matter what I do." He twitched. "It was so… weird though. Even for her. She was… I dunno. Every other time, she's given me the benefit of doubt and this time…" he snapped his fingers. "Gone. Like that. So wrong."

"She used desolation," Plagg said.

Adrien dropped his hand. "She what?"

"Oh no," Nooroo said, his paws fluttering to his mouth.

"It's… her version of cataclysm," Plagg said. "She destroyed her home."

"Why?" The word tore itself from Adrien throat.

Plagg shook his head. "There wasn't time for Tikki to tell me. We touched only for a moment. All she told me was that Marinette used desolation and she sacrificed her heart."

Adrien gulped in a breath. "Are Tom and Sabine safe?"

Plagg wrung his claws. "I… don't know."

Adrien clutched at his head. Mind, body or heart. That was the cost. Adrien had sacrificed body when he'd used his version of Ladybug's cleanse, taking all the bad luck into himself to store. He'd made her promise never, ever to do her version. And she had. And she'd sacrificed her heart. He closed his eyes. She would. She would be the one who sacrificed her heart. Body and mind could still work without compassion and emotion and… love. "Okay, what do we do?"

"You're… taking this better than I expected."

"Plagg, I literally can't even right now. Tell me what to do."

"You cataclysm her heart. Wipe the block the magic cast over her emotions clean. Most bugs pick heart, it's the… easiest to recover from."

Adrien blinked at Plagg. "That would've been nice to know before I went blind."

"No… Adrien, different costs for each of you. Body is easiest for my kittens, but it's the one thing you need. Heart is easiest for bugs, but it's the one thing she needs."

"Cataclysm her heart? I can't do that, it's too risky."

"Alternatively, you can try to make her feel," Plagg said, with a shrug. "Anger. Love. Sadness. Fear. Anything that elicits a strong emotional response. It rarely works."

"Right." Adrien slapped his knee and laid on the sarcasm. "Simple then."

Plagg gave him an unimpressed look. "Adrien."

"No, I'm just going to walk up to her and make her feel. When she doesn't have a heart. Easy." He grabbed a handful of hair and tugged it to make sure he was awake. "Fuck my life."

"Which is why you cataclysm her heart." Plagg said. "And focus on—"

"Royally screwed. I'm royally screwed," Adrien muttered and hauled himself to his feet. "You watch, next I'm gonna fall from this roof trying to get down. Death by gravity. Perfect way to end a shitty day."

"Is he always like this?" Nooroo asked, floating beside Plagg.

"Sometimes he's worse."

"We need to find some cheese," Adrien said, peering at the edge. "And Nooroo. What do you eat?"

"Pickled chillies."

Adrien stared at the butterfly for a moment too long. "Right. Couldn't be something easy, could it? Noooooo." He sat on the awning and flipped so he faced the wall. Reaching down with his shoes, he found toeholds in the wall. "Well… guess we're going home."

"Er, is that a good idea?" Plagg asked, floating down to sit on Adrien's shoulder.

"Nope," Adrien said lowering down and dug his fingers into the joins in the brickwork. "But I doubt he'll expect that."

Plagg floated down beside him. "I really don't think—"

"I need money, I have some on me but not enough if I need to lie low for a while. Food. A change of clothes. A first aid kit. I'll be quick. Besides, he thinks I'm going to work for him."

"And you're not?"

He didn't answer that because there was no real answer. "Once I'm back in the suit, finding Marinette will be easier."

"It's easy now. I know where she is."

"That should've been what you led with, Plagg," Adrien muttered. He tried to reach too far for a handhold and winced at the sudden burst of pain in his chest.

"Not broken," Plagg said with a sheepish smile. "I'm really sorry."

"I didn't give you any cause to believe in me. The bruise isn't going to look pretty." Adrien paused. "Neither's my face… do you think, if I went looking like this, she'd have some sympathy for me?"

"Risky," Plagg said. "It's easier to cataclysm her."

"Like she's going to let me get close." He heaved in a sigh. "If she kills me, then she kills me. At least I won't have to make a decision or betray someone."

"That is a very morbid outlook."

Thinking he was low enough, Adrien released the wall and jumped down the rest of the distance. He landed wrong and ended up soaking his jeans by sitting in a puddle. "Great. Perfect." He sighed and staggered to his feet.

The mansion was empty, to Adrien's relief but he didn't want to stick around. He didn't bother cleaning up, he just shoved a few changes of clothes in bag, emptied a jewellery drawer in case he needed to sell some things to survive for a while, and gathered all the spare cash he could find. Cards would be no good. That was trackable and he didn't want his father to find him.

Hitting the kitchen, he gave both kwami something to eat while he stocked up on camembert and jars of chilli. "We may have to ration," he said. "This stuff is expensive."

"I'll make do," Plagg said.

Adrien peered at him. "That's a first."

Plagg gave him a look. "Kid, there is clearly something not right with you at the moment. I'm trying to make things easier."

"I'm okay."

"You are not," Nooroo said. "Your aura is most peculiar."

Adrien fussed around with the bag, then thrust his hands into his pockets. His fingers curled around Marinette's necklace. "I'm… very numb."

"You are fragile," Nooroo said, then looked at Plagg. "It is a bad idea to go to Ladybug now."

"We don't have time," Plagg replied. "Heart eats away at everything. The longer she's like that, the harder it'll be for her to come back."

"The best thing about Marinette is her heart," Adrien said, hoisting his bag onto his shoulder. "Let's go."

"Do you even know what you're going to do?" Nooroo asked as he floated over.

"Not a clue. Thought I might wing it."

"If we get in quick and cataclysm her, it'll be over," Plagg promised.

Adrien shook his head. "No. It's just beginning."

Hiding in the collar of Adrien's shirt, Plagg gave him directions. It wasn't that far from where he lived and Adrien made sure to keep his head down as he walked. The cut on his cheek was obvious, as was his dishevelled look, but most of the neighbourhood's attention was on the bakery. He wished he had his phone to call Alya, but he seemed to have misplaced it somewhere. Maybe in the back of the car.

Standing on the empty street opposite the place Plagg had instructed him to go, he sighed and stared at the door.

"You okay, kid?"

Adrien bent his arm across his stomach. "I'm… I don't know."

Tiny paws patted his cheeks. "I hear you. You can do this."

"Can I? She said she didn't want to see me again. She thinks I've gone rogue… If she has no heart… how can I reason with her?"

"We don't. We cataclysm her," Plagg reminded him. "Then deal with the aftermath."

He adjusted his bag, wondering why Plagg was so set on the cataclysm. "Right," he said and walked toward the door.

It was locked, and the sign in the window said 'closed' but he knocked on the door anyway. After a moment the blinds hanging in front of the glass in the door lifted, a lot lower down than expected. Adrien smiled at the eyes which peered at him. "Um… hi, I'm looking for—"

"We're closed," a gruff voice said through the door, then a finger pointed. "Emergency room's—"

Plagg rose from Adrien's collar. "Open up, Fu."

The blind closed, then the door unlocked and opened, revealing an old Chinese man in a red floral shirt. Adrien recognised him from the butterfly house… which meant it was entirely possible this was Gui. In the small foyer behind him was an open wooden door and a flight of stairs.

"Hello Plagg. It's been a while." The man turned his gaze to Adrien. "You would be—"

"Adrien!"

Adrien jerked forward at the sound of Sabine's voice. Two rapid steps inside, brushing past Fu. "Sabine?"

"Spots on!"

Adrien backed away, dumping his bag on the ground to give himself more room. "Claws out!"

Ladybug slid into the tiny foyer through the door, her yo-yo spinning and ready to attack.

Chat Noir held up his claws. "Bugaboo—"

She launched her yo-yo at him and he threw himself underneath it, skittering across Fu's wooden floors.

"Marinette!" Tom boomed. "What are you—"

Bolting across the floor, Chat Noir hid behind Fu. "It's not what you think!"

"Stop this!" Tom continued, standing behind Sabine.

"Well, hello Nooroo," Fu said, mildly. "It's been a long time."

Throwing the yo-yo again, Ladybug looped it around a lamp post outside, then got Chat Noir's ankle and heaved.

"Oh shit," Chat Noir complained, his claws scraping the pavement as she dragged him. He floundered, grabbing at the lamp post itself and hung there as she tried to pull him in.

Ladybug wound the string of her yo-yo along her arm as she stalked toward him. "Traitor!"

"Do you want something to eat, Nooroo?" Fu asked.

"No, thank you. I'm fine. They certainly are energetic."

"I'm sure they'll finish soon. Let's go find Wayzz. He's missed you. We have been worried."

Releasing the lamp post, Chat Noir used her yank to gain momentum as he bounced toward her on all fours. Leaping, he spring-boarded off her shoulders and dove inside Fu's house with her yo-yo still around his ankle. With a yowl, he made a beeline for Sabine as she stood in the doorway Ladybug had come from. She gasped, startled, and stretched out her hands for him. He couldn't tell if it was to ward away or hold onto him.

Ladybug yanked again before Chat Noir reached Sabine, dragging him back toward her. He flopped flat on the floor and made her work for it. "You used us! You used me!" Ladybug snarled.

Scrambling back on all fours, he darted by her and sling shot out the door again. "You gave up your heart!"

She spun, the twine of her yo-yo curling around her legs but she didn't seem to notice. "I am protecting my family!"

He went back for another pass and dashed back inside, winding the yo-yo string around her further. "So am I!"

"You're in league with Hawk Moth! I saw you!"

Was that anger? That was a good sign, right? He had to make her feel anything and that was a better alternative than using cataclysm on her. Any emotion and as emotions went, anger was a good one. Ladybug yanked him back and he went willingly. Instead of darting past her again, he jumped and landed with his feet on her shoulders, looping as much of the yo-yo around her as he could.

She made a grab for him and tangled herself further. "Stop moving!"

He leapt off, unhooked the yo-yo from his ankle and yanked it tight.

Ladybug eeped, her arms and legs restricted. She wobbled and scowled at him. "Let me out!"

Chat Noir released the yo-yo, knowing she'd be magically untangled in seconds. He slumped, kneeling on the floor by her feet. "He has my mother."

In the background, Sabine gasped.

The yo-yo unwound.

Arms across his stomach, Chat Noir bowed his head and closed his eyes. "He's got my mother. She's alive and trapped and I don't know how to help her. He promised me if I gave him our Miraculouses, I could have her back. I can't believe him, because my father—" his voice cracked and his throat felt raw but he continued talking anyway, "—is Hawk Moth and he's the spirit of the box and they said there's no coming back from that. I've lost him and I've lost him for a while and I've been living with that thing. Every move he's made since my mother disappeared has been to manipulate me into becoming an akuma and you just don't understand how much that hurts. I thought he loved me! I can't fix this. I can't face it, not alone. And you gave up your heart. You gave up your kindness and your love and you can't understand. No matter what I do, I'm betraying someone." He slipped of his ring and the transformation faded. "My mother or you. What would you choose?"

"Adrien?" Plagg asked, shocked. "What are you doing? We need to use cata—"

Head bowed, Adrien cradled the ring on the palm of his hand and offered it to Ladybug. "I can't do this alone. If I can't do it with you, I won't do it at all."

He closed his eyes and waited and struggled to remain composed. All or nothing. She would either take the ring and he'd never have a chance of repairing things, or she'd find it in herself to remember what they once had.

Ladybug grunted. Her yo-yo clattered to the ground. Adrien glanced up to see her clutching at her chest with her eyes scrunched closed. Her hands quivered, her knees shook and she doubled over. One hand landed on his shoulder to keep herself standing and he reached up for her. A gasp and a shudder and her eyes welled with tears. "Adrien?"

He dragged her into his lap and clutched at her.

"Oh, God," she moaned. "Adrien, those things I said—"

He shook his head and made a noise of denial that stopped her talking. A gaspy breath and he buried his face in her neck, to hold her as tightly as he could. She grabbed him and hugged him hard and it didn't matter that her knee dug into the bruise on his chest. She was here and she was becoming whole and the world could collapse around them and it didn't matter. He was home.

Another pair of arms encircled him from behind and Adrien stiffened for a moment before he recognised Sabine adding herself to the hug.

The front door creaked closed before another, much larger form lowered down to the floor and his huge arms drew them all in.

It was a long time before any of them could bring themselves to move.

Author's Note:

Family snuggle time.

Just a reminder, this is based on the first thirteen episodes and definitely not canon. We don't know Adrien's mother's canon name. Yes, I know it's the feminine version of Felix. It just seemed to suit her.