"I want to do it. I want to remember."
Shikaku was quiet, dark eyes hooded as he regarded me from across the table. The man beside him shifted in his seat, long blonde hair falling across his shoulder. He brushed it off impatiently, and leant towards me.
"This won't be easy," he warned. "Locked memories can be very dangerous; are you prepared for the risks?"
I nodded solemnly, hands clenched in my lap. Inoichi Yamanaka had come highly recommended; Kakashi trusted him, and I trusted his judgement. Though I had not asked how he knew he was so good. I suspected that something personal lay in that direction, something he would not want me digging at.
"Then we'll help you. I should warn you, once we start, anything you don't want me to see must be hidden. I will not pry where I am not wanted, but if you should think of anything, I will see it. Do you understand?"
I nodded again, less certain. I had secrets to hide, and not all of them mine. Still, I needed to know what it was that I had been forced to forget, and why.
"Then let's begin. I need you to relax and let me in. Can you do that?"
"I think so," I replied, smiling wryly. I hope so.
"Good."
I was standing in a dark room, shadows roiling in the corners. Inoichi appeared beside me, frowning slightly.
"I need you to guide me to the memory," he ordered, voice echoing strangely.
I began to walk. A long, shadowed hallway extended before me, doors evenly spaced along its length. I walked past door after door, searching for a starting point. The door to my right flew open, and I stopped to peer in. We watched as a younger me walked through the gates of Konohagakure for the first time, Father at my side.
"You need to go further."
Turning away, I continued down the seemingly endless hallway, still searching. The farther back into my memories we got, the slower I moved. I was hesitant, scared of what I might see should another door open. At this thought, the door on my left swung inwards, revealing the silhouette of a man lying on top of me as a child. I could not have been any older than 10. Blood pooled beneath me, dripping from the knife glinting in the shadowy hand of the stranger. I slammed the door closed, pale and shaking.
I was close, I knew it; but the closer I got, the more doors opened around me, as if warning me away. I ran past them all, but I could not stop myself from remembering. Behind that door, my father was beating me for failing at a task he had set me; behind another I was chained to a wall, unable to move as my mind was assaulted. More and more of these memories flashed past me until I could run no longer, tears streaming down my face.
The hallway ended in a single door like the others, but not. I stared at it, unable to bring myself to open it right away.
"This is it," I whispered, voice weak.
"Whenever you're ready," Inoichi murmured.
Taking a deep breath, I reached out and grasped the handle. It was cold; pain lanced through my hand like shards of ice. I pulled the handle down and pushed the door open onto a familiar scene. Children crowded the basement, huddled for warmth. Some were chained to the walls, hanging by their wrists in the dim light. The door at the top of the stairs opened, flooding the room with light. I knew what came next.
"Numbers 3, 8, 7 and 14. Come with me."
I followed the others up the stairs, helping the girl in front of me when she stumbled. The light grew brighter, beginning to burn. I strained my eyes in an attempt to see what lay beyond the door, but could not make anything out.
Shadows surged from the floor, enveloping me in darkness. I could not find my way out; I could no longer see Inoichi. I heard screaming, and quickly realised it was coming from me.
"Come this way Miya!" Inoichi called. "Over here!"
I stumbled through the darkness, trying to find my way to Inoichi. Slowly, the shadows around me seemed to lighten, and I shoved my way forward, dazzled by the sudden burst of light.
"Are you with us Miya?" Shikaku called softly.
"Yes," I mumbled, eyes slowly adjusting to the light. "I'm here."
Inoichi was watching me, looking ruffled. Rubbing his temples, he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Shikaku glanced at him, a flicker of concern in his eyes as he watched his friend.
"I'm ok," he said in response to Shikaku's look. "But I don't think we can unlock that memory. Someone laid a trap; a very clever one at that. I'm sorry Miya, we can't risk what might happen to you."
"Is there a way around it?" I asked, voice small.
"Possibly. You would have to find it on your own though. Any outside interference will only put you in danger. I recommend not trying just yet, until we can find out more. You need to be careful with this," he frowned.
"Go home," Shikaku smiled warmly. "You need the rest. Believe me, I've been through something similar. You must be exhausted."
"Thank you," I smiled tentatively. "For everything."
"That poor girl," Inoichi murmured as he watched Miya exit the room. He had never seen someone so young that had had to endure so much.
"What is it?" Shikaku asked, not missing a thing.
"It's just… Miya. There's so much pain, so much darkness buried in her. She needs to talk to someone, and soon. Hell, I might need therapy after that session. The things I saw in there… No one should have to go through anything like what she went through, much less all of it." He shuddered, eyes haunted.
"How bad is it?" Concern marred Shikaku's face; concern for Miya, and for those around her. He had firsthand experience with people unable to cope, as had Inoichi. They both knew how dangerous it could be to ignore the problem.
"Her mind is so fragile. I don't think she knows; it's a miracle she can function, everything is balanced so precariously. There was no light when I entered her mind, just shadows and darkness with no end. One push in the wrong direction, one more crack, and she could shatter completely."
Shikaku stood, wincing slightly at his stiff muscles. They had been at the table for hours while Inoichi had been attempting to help Miya, and he felt it.
"Come on, let's go get a drink. It sounds like you could use one."
I was disappointed that Shikaku and Inoichi had been unable to help, but not deterred. I would unlock that memory however I needed to. But first, I was going to get some rest. Shikaku was right, I was exhausted, and distracted; I arrived at Kakashi's apartment without realising I had even walked that far.
Still early in the afternoon, I didn't expect to find anyone inside, and wandered in with my guard down. Movement in the lounge room drew my eye, and I froze on the spot.
"Hello sweetheart."
"Father. What are you doing here?" I asked warily, scanning the room for any other threats.
"I'm just checking up on my girl, making sure she's not getting into any trouble."
"What type of trouble?" I asked hesitantly.
"Sticking her nose where it shouldn't be. You're not digging up old bones now, are you sweetheart? That could get…. Messy."
"…No Father," I mumbled, head down. Even now I still listened, afraid to retaliate.
"Good girl." He stood and walked past me, turning back with his hand on the door. "Don't go telling anyone about our little chat now," he whispered in my ear. "Wouldn't want anyone to get hurt."
With that he was gone, leaving me standing in an apartment that no longer felt as safe as it used to. Several minutes passed before I moved, closing the front door and sitting on the couch. I was still on my father's radar, in a big way. Somehow, he had known what I had attempted this morning, and he clearly did not want me remembering.
"Miya? What's wrong?"
Kakashi had come home, earlier than I was expecting him. Composing myself, I turned to face him.
"The memory can't be unlocked. Apparently, someone laid a trap; any outside interference could be very dangerous to everyone involved."
"I'm sorry," he murmured, sitting next to me. "I know how important it is to you to find out what's in that memory. But maybe this is a good thing; we don't know what that memory contains. It could be… unpleasant."
I offered a weak smile, unable to tell him what really bothered me. Unable to tell him that Father was still watching me, and I was scared. Perhaps it was for the best anyway, I didn't want to upset him. I could deal with my father on my own. The mystery of the basement filled with children, of the room that lay beyond that door, could wait for now.
"Maybe you're right," I murmured, leaning against him. "Maybe some doors are better off staying closed."
"How can I make you feel better?" Kakashi asked quietly.
"You might want to be careful who you say that to," I grinned. "You might not like the answer."
"Unless you're going to make me formally apologise to anyone again, I think I can handle it," he deadpanned.
"I'll go easy on you," I promised. "Why don't you make dinner tonight, for starters?"
"That I can do. Should I expect any other requests?"
"We'll see," I smiled cheekily, eliciting a laugh.
"Oh, how peaceful things would be without you here," Kakashi sighed dramatically, and I giggled.
"You'd never have any fun if I wasn't around to make you."
Two seasons passed before I thought of that memory again. Heeding my father's warning, I had stopped trying to remember, stopped trying to dig into the past. For two glorious seasons everything was peaceful; everything was normal. I was no longer shunned by the majority of the village. After Yui and her sensei (whose name I had learned was Genzo) were put on trial and imprisoned for their attack on me, most people decided I was not the monster they had portrayed me as.
For two seasons, I lived in a bubble, thinking that every day would be like that; peaceful, undisturbed by intrigue and plot. Spoiler alert: I was wrong. As summer gave way to autumn, things began to change for the worse. A group known as Akatsuki had been on the rise, injuring and even killing shinobi from a large number of villages. Their attacks appeared to be random, with no tactical or strategic benefit discernible.
Worse, for all the shinobi that were wounded or killed, only two known members of Akatsuki had been killed, and at great cost. The puppet user Sasori, and his explosive partner Deidara, had been cornered near Sunagakure. They took several shinobi with them when they died; those too wounded to escape the battlefield had been caught in Deidara's suicidal explosion before anyone could get them out of there.
On top of Akatsuki, there was civil unrest within Konohagakure. One of the council elders, Danzo, was pushing to remove Tsunade from the position of Hokage. His connections with ANBU and influence on the council had caused a lot of trouble for the village, sowing unease among the shinobi of Konohagakure. Many suspected he was trying to install a puppet Hokage, someone he could control from the shadows. Thankfully the other council members had yet to be persuaded, and Tsunade remained Hokage for now.
Even with these storm clouds brewing on the horizon, I wouldn't trade my life here for anyone else's. I had people I cared about; friends and teammates who cared about me. I had more freedom than I had ever had, even with my father hovering nearby, his threat hanging overhead. I would die for these people, this village; I now understood why Itachi had gone through with the murder of his clan. I would do anything to protect the people of Konohagakure.
But as I soon learned, there were people who had other plans for me. I had been ignoring the shadow lurking in my head; pretending that it wasn't there, that it couldn't hurt me. I had hoped that if I believed it enough, that would make it true.
The day of the attack started like any other. I rose early with Kakashi, keen to get a quick sparring session in before training with Riku and Asahi. Clouds marked the horizon, threatening a storm later that night, but otherwise it was a warm, sunny day. All was peaceful; until it wasn't.
Alarms sounded as strangers appeared in the village, triggering the barrier jutsu used to detect intruders. I joined Asahi and Riku as we made our way to a large, cleared area just outside the village proper. It was there the intruders waited for us with their friends on the inside. I recognised my father among the group, and my blood ran cold.
"Just in time," he called to me, smiling. "You're going to be the star of our show."
"What is this?!" Tsunade demanded, Shizune and several other Jonin at her side.
"This is a reckoning," Danzo answered, stepping forward. "For years now, we have been working on something; something that will redefine warfare. For far too long our leaders have been weak, blind to the potential of unknown soldiers. That changes today. You can resign as Hokage now Tsunade, or you can watch as your precious shinobi lose this battle. What do you choose?"
"We will never hand over Konohagakure to the likes of you," she responded calmly.
"I had thought you might say that. We'll start our demonstration now. You might want to clear some space. If anyone wishes to interfere, be warned: you will be dealt with, harshly."
Turning to my father, Danzo gave an order I could not hear, and joined the crowd. Father faced me, grinning savagely.
"Number 8, prepare for combat."
The shadow I had been hiding from surged into my head, overriding my control. I watched, a spectator in my own body, as I walked to the centre of the area cleared by the crowd and awaited further instructions. I fought to regain control, but was a prisoner inside my own head; everything that made me who I was had been locked away, unable to escape.
"Now, who wants to do the honours?" Danzo called mockingly. "Ah, I know. Kakashi."
Several ANBU members forced him into the clearing, faces hidden behind their masks. I watched in horror as he faced me, trying to scream, trying to do anything, and failing miserably.
"You will fight her, or everyone here will die," Danzo threatened, voice low.
"Number 8, activate combat protocols. Target: Kakashi Hatake."
Horrified, I tried to scream again as my body dashed forwards, kunai drawn. Kakashi was forced to parry my strike and leap away from my follow-up. He was not willing to fight me, and it would get him killed. I tried to scream, tried to warn him, but no sound escaped my lips. The fight was fast-paced, at a speed I had barely learned to control only recently, and utilised ninjutsu as well as taijutsu. No one interfered, and I could not blame them; Danzo's threat hung over us all.
"Water Style: Water Dragon jutsu!"
Kakashi was forced to use chidori yet again, his Sharingan already active. He was tiring, I could see it. The both of us had performed multiple jutsus, and could not keep this pace going for much longer. He was trying to immobilise me, where I was being forced to try and kill him. The fight had been drawn out far longer than intended, and Danzo looked pleased about it.
That same damn opening appeared in his defence, leaving him vulnerable to my strike. Off balance, he was easily knocked to the ground by my follow-up kick, too tired to block it. The thing, the programming controlling me, drove a kunai straight down, aimed at his heart. The blade stopped, point just barely drawing blood; for a moment, one precious moment, I had regained enough control to halt the downward momentum of the thrust.
Shuriken thrown my way forced me to back off, leaving Kakashi lying on his back, thankfully without a kunai sticking out of his chest.
"See, this is exactly why I don't take students," Kisame growled. "Too much trouble."
"You loved training her," Itachi pointed out.
"Only because she was crazy enough to seek us out."
"And crazy enough to put up with your training methods," Itachi retorted. "Now if you don't mind, we need to stop her."
"In my defence, I never left any permanent marks."
The arrival of two S rank criminals had shocked the crowd, many of the lower rank Genin and Chunin retreating further from the fight. Danzo was frowning; he had not anticipated this in his plans.
"Number 8, deal with them."
Yet again my father commanded me, and again I was forced to fight. I targeted Itachi first, immune to the thing that made him truly dangerous: his Sharingan. Kisame however had other ideas. Samehada was drawn in preparation for the fight, bandages unravelling from its surface.
They came at me together, well-practiced at attacking in a pair. I ducked Kisame's swing but could not avoid the kunai thrust towards me by Itachi. Blood dripped from my arm where the blade had pierced my skin, leaving a long gash. Before I could recover from this, pain flared as Samehada came slicing down, grazing my back. The rough surface of the sword removed skin and drew blood, shredding the back of my shirt in the process.
The two of them had me cornered, each creating an opening for the other when they attacked. Unable to escape their attacks, to escape their reach, I sustained more and more superficial cuts to my limbs as they wore me down.
"Now!"
Itachi unleashed a flurry of strikes, pushing me backwards as I was forced to defend myself yet again. Blood glistened in the sunlight, weakening my grip on my weapon. The two of them could have killed me from the start, but instead were doing as Kakashi had done, attempting to immobilise me.
"Water Style: Water Prison jutsu!"
An orb of water formed around me, holding me in place. Kisame had worked his way behind me and performed the jutsu, achieving what Kakashi had been unable to do on his own.
"Fight this, Miya," Itachi called softly.
"You put up with far worse from me," Kisame added, grinning. "You're stronger than this. "
Kakashi approached the bubble, blood staining his clothes. He watched me quietly, hand over a wound he had sustained just above his hip. Reaching out with his other hand, he touched the surface of the water.
"When you're ready," he murmured.
A strange sense of calm enveloped me in the orb, even as fighting broke out around us. Several others like me had been activated, though I could not see Sai among them. Danzo and my father had their attention on the many battles now occurring between ANBU and several sleepers like me, and the shinobi of Konohagakure. I watched as if from a different world, the water around me spotted red where my blood had mixed with it.
The shadow in my head was fighting the jutsu, to no avail. I knew I had to regain control to free myself, but I was struggling to work out how. Desperate, I decided to try something very dangerous. Calming myself, I looked inwards, imagining myself in a glass cage. I began to probe that cage, searching for a crack, a hole, any weakness that I might exploit. I was running out of oxygen, and needed to work quickly.
There! Having found what I was looking for, I shoved with all my might, determined to break free and attack the shadow living in my head. The cage shattered like glass around me, pieces disappearing as they fell around me. Now for the dangerous part; I focused what little chakra I had access to in my head, blasting apart the shadow as it attempted to regain full control.
Finally, it was gone; and I couldn't breathe. Panicked, I opened my eyes, unaware I had even closed them, and reached out Kakashi's hand. He opened his mouth and said something I couldn't hear to Kisame, and I was released, coughing.
"That's it, no more students for me," Kisame declared. "If I have to kill them to stop them from doing something stupid, then something has gone seriously wrong."
"Thanks for almost drowning me," I gasped.
"Any time," he replied, hefting Samehada over his shoulder. "It's time for us to disappear," he added, looking at Itachi.
"We're leaving such a mess behind," Itachi murmured, eyes on the fighting around us.
"We can clean this up," I assured them. "Go, before someone tries to arrest you."
"No more getting brainwashed, ok?" Kisame growled, and they vanished.
"What the hell do we do about this?"
"Find Tsunade or Sakura," Kakashi answered. "We both need medical attention before we can help."
"Sorry for almost killing you," I mumbled, staring at my feet.
"You're forgiven," he answered softly, tilting my head up and kissing me.
"I'm glad you waited until you were a Chunin," Tsunade interrupted drily. "Now, I'm going to heal the worst of your wounds. We need the both of you in this fight."
I blushed at Tsunade's comment unaware she had been nearby this whole time. Slugs had already begun their work on the two of us, courtesy of Tsunade's summon, Katsuyu. Focusing on the wounds that could prove fatal in a fight, they worked quickly; I glanced at the crowd around while I waited, looking for Sai. I couldn't see any sign of him in the chaos, and mentioned this to Kakashi.
"He's out on a mission, Akatsuki made an appearance. One less teammate for us to fight," he added drily.
"That's a good thing," I chided. "Now, where's my father? I need to repay him for all the loving care he's given me over the years."
We joined the battles around us, assisting our fellow shinobi in removing the threat to the village. I tried to help those like me where I could, but when it came to ANBU, I showed little mercy. They had chosen to fight for Danzo, or so I thought. At the time I did not realise how little choice they actually had, how enthralled they really were. Some of them truly believed they were doing what was right for the village, and I began to doubt my own choices.
The issue of morals and viewpoints, of who was right and who was wrong, was discarded the instant I came across my father. He was surrounded by several members of ANBU, protecting him as he gave orders. Furious, I surged towards them, bloodlust clouding my mind. All I knew in that moment was that I wanted to hurt him as much as possible for all the things he had done, all the horrible things he had put me through.
He came to meet me, a twisted grin marring his face. The shinobi around him turned to face me, but he ordered them back. This was his fight, and he would fight it on his own. I watched warily as he approached, the crowd around us creating space seemingly unknowingly.
"Hello sweetheart. Have you come back to daddy?"
"Never," I spat, feeling sick at the nickname. "You're a monster."
"Oh no honey, I'm not a monster. You're the real monster here."
He darted forward, immediately putting me on the defensive. His taijutsu was formidable, though I had never known him to use ninjutsu. Back and forth we danced, blood glistening as it hung in the air. Cuts appeared on the both of us, most of them superficial. He had always been better than me when I had lived with him, but I'd found better teachers since then.
I was tiring, and he knew it. I may have had the worst of my injuries healed by Tsunade and Katsuyu, but they could not replace my energy or chakra. More cuts began to appear on my skin, and I began to leave fewer on my father. I was slowing down, unable to maintain the pace any longer. With a triumphant snarl, he knocked me to the ground.
"Time to show them what kind of monster you really are."
Power and rage roared through me as Father touched me, removing a seal I had not known was there. I screamed as all that energy, all that anger, was released, manifesting itself into a giant cat-like beast with two tails. Panic ensued as the crowds around us began to run, shoving each other in their desperation to get away.
"How?" I asked, eyes wide as I stared at the beast wreaking havoc.
"Oh good, you did stop digging after all. Here's your reward," he grinned, removing another seal from my body. "If you survive, that memory you've been after has been unlocked. A gift to you," he smiled mockingly, vanishing into the crowd.
Stumbling to my feet, I searched the crowd flooding past me, looking for someone, anyone, who could tell me what I was supposed to do next. I leant against the wall of a nearby building, confused, exhausted, and afraid. I had done this; that monster had been hiding inside me, and now it was destroying the village I had sworn to protect.
"Miya! Over here!"
Asahi was shoving his way through the crowd towards me, relief showing on his face. I waited where I was, mind whirling as I struggled to come to terms with what had happened.
"Are you okay?" Asahi panted, reaching me. "You're bleeding! We need to get out of here, that thing is too powerful! Miya, are you listening to me?"
I had remembered something Naruto had told me once, about how everyone needs a friend, someone they can talk to. Even monsters. He had smiled knowingly when he'd said that, tapping his own head. How could I have forgotten, he too had a beast sealed inside him. He was a Jinchuuriki.
"Come on Miya, now isn't the time to space out!"
"I need to get over there," I mumbled to myself. "I need to get over there, now! I can fix this!"
"Are you insane? That's a tailed beast, they've been sealed away for a reason! What can you possibly do?!"
"Hold it."
"No way! It could kill you! I won't let you take that risk!"
"I have to try Asahi! It's my fault, I need to fix this! Do you understand?"
Asahi stared at me incredulously, and I stared back. Finally, he nodded, shoulders sagging.
"Alright, I'm coming with you. Let's go."
We pushed our way through the crowd, moving towards the tailed beast instead of away from it. The closer we got, the more the crowd thinned, until we were standing alone before the beast.
"Do you know how to seal it? Because I've got nothing," I murmured, staring up at the beast.
"Perhaps I can help," a new voice called. One of the Jonin that had been with Tsunade when everything started was standing nearby, watching us.
"Why do you want to help?" I called, wary of trickery.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures. Someone has to take it, and I don't see any other volunteers around here," he replied. "Are you prepared for this?"
I nodded, face determined and jaw set. The Jonin began his work, performing a complex sealing jutsu I could not identify. Markings appeared on my exposed stomach as he worked, flowing over the scars I had forgotten to cover that morning. Asahi looked at me questioningly, but thankfully kept his mouth shut as the Jonin worked.
Light shone in the sky as a barrier jutsu was performed around the tailed beast in an attempt to hold it. The Jonin with us worked faster, communicating rapidly with someone through his earpiece. Sweat broke out on his forehead as he completed the technique, sealing the beast inside me.
All was quiet, the sudden silence deafening. As the shock wore off, cheers erupted from those nearby, spreading like wildfire through the crowds. I sat down, hard, and was quickly joined by the Jonin who had performed the sealing jutsu; we were both exhausted. I could hear the tailed beast inside my head, furious at being sealed away again. I made the decision to talk with it later, after I had recovered.
"How did I know I would find you here?" Kakashi voiced, looking down at me.
"Lucky guess?" I answered, smiling wearily. "Kami I need to sleep."
"Ditto," groaned the Jonin beside me.
"Well then, let's get the two of you to the hospital. And no buts," Kakashi added, shooting me a warning glance. "You've already lost far too much blood Miya."
I had to agree with him there, and smiled sheepishly.
"Yes sir."