Maggie took the box into the bedroom and placed it on the bed. When she looked back at her, Alex definitely had 'that' look in her eye. "Danvers!" Maggie barked. "Stop staring at my butt."
Alex grinned. "I wasn't staring. I was … thinking. I was pondering."
"Pondering what?"
"About your butt."
"And what earth-shattering conclusion did you reach?" Maggie grinned.
"I'm undecided," Alex teased.
"Undecided? You think you could find a better butt than this in National City?" Maggie pretended to be affronted.
"Oh no. That part is not in doubt. I have no hesitation in stating that yours is the best in the city. By far. I was trying to decide. Butt or boobs?" Alex was laughing openly now.
"Are you dissing my boobs?"
"Oh no. Never. Not for one moment. Also NC's finest. And therein lies the conundrum. I mean … we all know I'm a baby gay."
"You're too sexy to be a baby," Maggie interjected.
"But in sapphic terms, I have much to learn. And I can't even decide if I am a boob or a butt girl. What does that say about me?" Alex grinned as Maggie descended the three steps and came towards her.
"It says you have great taste. And hey," Maggie undid the top button of her white button-up. "It's not like you have to choose one or the other." Another button popped open. "It's all here for you, Danvers. Whenever you want."
"I want," Alex's voice was hoarse. "I very much want."
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Ninety minutes later, Maggie rolled over and grinned wickedly. "I knew moving in was going to be fun."
Alex blinked, her mind foggy. She smiled back. "You know we have to get dressed," she said, sadly. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the evening, and most of the night, exactly where she was. With Maggie. But they had to go to games night, which was at Kara's this week. They both knew how important these traditions were to Kara, and they didn't want to let her down.
Maggie sat up and stretched. Alex's eyes widened at the sight of her naked torso, eliciting a satisfied smile from Maggie. Maggie loved that Alex stared so openly at her. There was no game-playing with Alex. Alex thought she was hot, so she looked. Maggie climbed off the bed and headed toward the bathroom. "I get the shower first. Unless you want to share?" she suggested in a sultry voice.
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"You're 15 minutes late," Kara's smile was wide. She could tell from Alex's still flushed skin exactly why her sister was late. And Maggie's hair was still damp.
"Sorry, sis," Alex held out a box of potstickers as an apology. "I had things to do."
"You had me to do," Maggie whispered in Alex's ear.
Kara blushed and moved rapidly towards the kitchen. It wasn't the first time Maggie had forgotten about her superhearing. "Beer?" Kara called, trying to sound casual.
At the end of the evening, Agent Vasquez held out a jacket, and Alex smiled when she saw Jo shrug it on. These two were becoming friends, and it was sweet.
Vaz had confided to Alex that she had been devastated when her long-time girlfriend had dumped her, and she had told her that she had sworn off women. She said she couldn't risk being hurt like that again. But Jo Greyson was not on the market for a relationship, so Vaz was finding it easy to make friends with the recently widowed woman.
Jo was still utterly devastated by her wife's death, and now had to contend with a less-than-easy pregnancy, all the while juggling a job with the university and a nearly four-year-old son who couldn't quite grasp where his other mother had gone. So she, too, was enjoying having somebody neutral to chat to, and to spend time with.
"Are you around on Saturday afternoon?" Vaz asked her. "I could put that shelf up for you."
"You don't have to do that. I'm sure you have better things to do on the weekend," Jo protested.
"Nope," Vaz said. "Anyways, I wanna see Stevie. He's a great kid."
Alex pricked up her ears. She didn't know that Vaz had met Stevie. She smiled inwardly. It would be good for these two women to have some support from each other.
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"You don't have to be nervous, Mags," Alex said gently, when Maggie checked her gun for the fourth time. She was setting out for a four-day undercover operation which, everyone hoped, would result in a major drugs bust. Maggie only had a small part to play, that of the bartender, but it was an important link in the chain.
"Remember," Alex told her. "Cake. Piece of. You're going to be amazing," she kissed her softly. She ran her hand down the arm of Maggie's leather jacket. "I like you in street clothes. Though I will miss the uniform, when you get made detective."
"If," Maggie cautioned.
"When," Alex was firm. "Remember, they'll be lucky to have you. So, Dimples. First day on the course. Do you have your lunch money?" she teased.
Maggie swatted her. She cocked her head to one side. Alex knew she would never tire of that.
"If I don't get made detective at the end of all this, I've still won the lottery," Maggie said softly.
"Sap," Alex said.
"Yup. I still feel bad about Thanksgiving, though. I wanted to be there. To protect you from your mom."
"I'll be fine," Alex said, trying to make her smile seem genuine. She hadn't seen her mother since Kara had come out as Supergirl, and she just knew that Eliza would find a way to make it her fault. She saw the look on Maggie's face. "Mags, it's okay. Your career is important. You are important. You'll be back on the weekend, and I can bitch about my Mom then. Don't do this, Dimples. None of this is your fault. And, really, none of it matters. I have you. I have Kara. I have Barbara, Barney and Bartholomew," she teased. "I don't need anything else. Well, I'd like a dog. One day. Do you like dogs?"
"You know I love dogs, Danvers. I'll get you a dog for your birthday. Hey, Alex," she saw the shake in her girlfriend's hand. "It's only for four days. Three nights. And I'll be thinking of you on every one of those nights. And my hand-to-hand skills are pretty good now, thanks to you."
Alex cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I just … I just love you so much."
Maggie tilted her head to one side, and Alex's insides just melted at the gesture. "Yeah?" Maggie asked.
"Yeah," Alex agreed.
"Glad we're on the same page," Maggie kissed her tenderly.
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"I don't even want to talk about it," Alex was morose after the Thanksgiving debacle. Granted, her mother had eventually apologized, but it was too little, too late for Alex to relax completely. And Alex now had to worry about Hank Henshaw. She had thought she was a good judge of character but, according to her mother, the DEO was a dark place, the darkest part of which was Henshaw.
Alex had noticed him acting odd on occasion, but her gut instinct had always been to trust him. Completely. He had shown the utmost faith in her, and he looked out for her. Or did he? Alex reached for her glass again.
Maggie took a moment before speaking. She didn't want to upset her girlfriend, but she was starting to worry about her dependence on alcohol in times of stress. Maggie was no stranger to the whiskey bottle herself, and she didn't want to make Alex feel worse about herself than she already clearly did. But Maggie wanted the best for her, wanted her to be happy. And healthy. And she knew only too well, from too much personal experience, that Alex was going to be feeling like hell the next morning. And the next morning was Sunday. That was their special day. They usually spent the morning making love, slowly, no pressure, no deadlines, nothing to worry about. But that was not going to happen tomorrow. More likely, Alex was going to be spending most of the morning hugging the porcelain.
Alex saw the look on Maggie's face, and her expression darkened. Defiantly, she took the bottle and filled the glass again.
Maggie could tell it was not the time to challenge her. So she didn't. She reached out and touched Alex's shoulder, hurt when Alex flinched.
"I love you," Maggie said, softly. "Every bit of you. And that's because of who you are. Alex, you are an extraordinary person. You're good, you're strong, you love more fiercely than anyone I have ever met. I know your mom hurt you, and I'm sorry for that."
Alex knew that she was behaving badly. But, somehow, she couldn't stop herself. She took another slug. She grabbed the bottle, and headed unsteadily for the couch, where she plopped down, and poured again. She stared defiantly at Maggie.
Maggie knew what was happening. Alex felt rejection from her mother. She hadn't truly believed her half-assed apology, and now she was scared. She had lost her father, her mother had let her down, again, and even her relationship with Kara had been under strain recently. So, whether she knew it or not, Alex was testing her out. She wanted to know if Maggie would be by her side, however bad it got.
Maggie's heart broke for her lover. Alex still wasn't sure of her love. Maggie would walk through fire for Alex. She would die for her, and gladly. To Maggie, Alex was the most important thing in her life. She would give up her career for her, she realized. And she had never been with anyone more important than her ambitions as a cop. Hell, if Alex wanted to, she would move to Alaska and open a fishing bait shop. And Maggie hated fish. Alex was it for her. For the first time, Maggie really realized just how far gone she was on Alex.
So Maggie sat next to her on the couch. She shuffled, so that Alex could lie down, and rest her head on Maggie's lap. At first, Alex was reluctant. She thought that Maggie would challenge her, would take away her whiskey. But Maggie just wanted to be with her. Alex brought the bottle to her lips again, spilling some due to the awkwardness of the angle. Maggie didn't try to stop her. She just ran her hand through Alex's hair.
Alex wanted to weep at the tenderness of the gesture. Her head pounded, yet she took another slug. Part of her wanted to horrify Maggie so much that Maggie would leave, and Alex could wallow in that feeling she had had for so many years – that, despite how hard she tried, she was unlovable. But Maggie wasn't going anywhere. Maggie loved her. Even now. She took another drink. Oblivion. That was another option. She needed to be somewhere where her pain didn't follow her.
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Maggie was grateful that Alex's bed was only up three stairs. She was strong, but Alex was a lot taller than her, and right now, she was a dead weight. Maggie knew that she had never seen Alex so drunk. She wondered how often she had done this. And her mind went back to when Alex used to frequent her coffee shop. Her 'party girl phase', Alex had referred to that time lightly. Then, Alex had been deeply, searingly unhappy. And Maggie knew now it wasn't just confusion about her sexuality that had caused it. Alex's issues were deep-rooted, and she didn't know how to help her.
The one thing Maggie did know was that she wasn't going to abandon Alex. She would stay with her. She would show her what was so obvious to everyone else – that Alex was an amazing person. She was so beautiful inside. So tender. So loving. So principled. And unbelievably smart. But it was Alex's compassion that truly made her who she was. Maggie remembered Alex's face as she chatted with the toddler Stevie. She just emanated love from every pore.
Maggie dragged off Alex's jeans and her socks. She removed her overshirt, and wrangled her bra from under her sleeveless tee. She could sleep in her boxers and tee, Maggie decided. Not that she would be doing too much sleeping, Maggie winced inwardly. If Alex was anything like she was after so much liquor, she would be spending a great deal of the night, and the next day, regretting her choices. Resolutely, Maggie went to the kitchen to find a large basin.
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Maggie hadn't realized it was possible to throw up quite so much, and still have more to give. But she would not leave Alex. "I know, babe," she whispered, when Alex leant over the toilet again. She was plastered in sweat, and gasping with the pain in her head. Maggie could see the torture Alex was going through.
Alex collapsed back, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.
Maggie made a decision. It wouldn't be easy, but she would try to get Alex into the shower, to rinse them both off. But Alex wouldn't be able to stand for more than a few seconds. So Maggie headed to collect the low stool from the kitchen. She would set Alex on that in the shower stall. She glanced at the bedroom, and decided to change the sheets quickly. A clean bed would be comforting, the sheets were damp with Alex's sweat.
Maggie was gone less than five minutes, but when she got back, her heart broke to see Alex slumped against the wall, weeping with such intensity that Maggie just gathered her close and cradled her.
Alex tried weakly to push Maggie off her; she knew what a disgusting mess she was, and she hated that Maggie was seeing her like that. But Maggie wouldn't move, and only held her closer. And Alex gave in. She gave in to the misery of her family situation. She gave in to the grief over her father. She gave in to her anxieties about Hank Henshaw, and the role he might have played in her father's death. And then she gave in to the love that her girlfriend had for her.
Alex was meek when Maggie guided her to the shower. She allowed Maggie to wash them both off, and to dry and dress her in dry, warm pajamas. Maggie helped her back to the clean bed, and crawled in next to her. And Alex started to relax when she felt Maggie pull her into her arms, and hold her tight. She felt like hell, but for the first time since Maggie had left for her undercover operation, Alex started to feel secure. She didn't care about her mother's opinion of her. Her mother could go to hell. Alex had the best girlfriend in the world, and she would do the very best she could to deserve her.
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Alex woke, periodically, her mind whirring and panicky each time she did. Drunk sleeping was never relaxing, she remembered that now. And each time she awoke, she felt Maggie's hand in her hair, a soft kiss on her brow. Twice more her stomach rebelled during that longest of nights, and each time Maggie held her tenderly over the basin, and wiped her down afterwards with a cool cloth.
Alex could tell, by the angle of the sun, that it was mid-afternoon when she awoke, alone for the first time. She struggled into a sitting position, and heard a noise. She realized that Maggie was by her side. Maggie was fully dressed. She looked so beautiful, in her jeans and plaid shirt. Alex just wanted to cry. Why was she still here? Surely, Alex's behavior had scared her off by now.
Maggie sat on the edge of the bed, and ran a hand over Alex's brow. "Feeling like shit?" she asked, in a gentle, loving voice.
"Mags … I'm so sorry. I was …," Alex started.
Maggie reached over and placed a finger over Alex's lips. "Don't. Don't be sorry. We've all done it. And we'll probably all do it again some time. I'm pretty sure I will. We have the same problem, Danvers. We both convince ourselves that some booze will fix it."
"But Maggie, I shouldn't..."
"Stop," Maggie was firm. "You were hurting. I hate that you were hurting. I hate that you're hurting now. But I don't blame you for any of it. It's not your fault. None of it is your fault. And I love you."
"Even after the puke-fest?"
Maggie nodded. "Even after that. Alex, you're a wonderful person. And you're it for me. And if you need me to prove that, I will do anything you want. Because you are not going to scare me away. The only way I will leave you is if you tell me you don't want me."
"I'll always want you," Alex's voice was barely above a whisper.
"Then we're good. And we always will be. I'm not going anywhere, Alex. And you can tell me anything. Anything you want. It won't scare me off. I know you, Danvers. I sometimes think I know you better than you do. And you are extraordinary and wonderful and perfect."
"And sweaty," Alex pulled disconsolately at her pajamas.
"We can fix that," Maggie smiled. "I'll run the tub."
Alex was surprised when Maggie returned ten minutes later, to see Maggie wearing just a robe. She was quiet as Maggie guided her to the tub, undressed her, and helped her in. Maggie then dropped her robe and slid in behind her. She pulled Alex back into her. "I know you still feel like shit," Maggie said, softly, running a washcloth gently over her. "Maybe this will help."
By the time Alex was back in bed, her head was starting to ease. And for the first time, she thought maybe she would be able to keep down the pills Maggie was holding out for her. She snuggled into Maggie's arms. Her mind was starting to clear. This was real. Maggie was real. What they had, it was real, and it wasn't going anywhere. Maggie wasn't going anywhere. Maggie loved her. She loved all of her. She had looked into her soul, and seen the darkest part of it, and she still wanted to be with her. She would be okay. They would be okay. Together.
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"Okay, J'onn," Alex smiled. It was hard for her to come to terms with Hank Henshaw's new identity. But it was a relief to her, in so many ways, not least that her instinct to trust him had been correct. J'onn was a good man. Well, a good … Martian? Alien? Friend, Alex decided. He was her boss, but he was also her friend. And he was Kara's friend, too.
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"That's so not fair!" Kara cried when Maggie guessed the last clue from Alex's mime. "We should ban partners from playing together. They know each other too well."
"Suck it up, Little D," Maggie smirked. "Anyway, you have to be nice to your sister. It's her birthday tomorrow."
Alex blushed. She hated being center of attention.
"I know!" Kara squealed, and rushed to her bedroom. She returned, with a small box, which she held out to Alex.
"Tomorrow, Kara," Alex reminded her gently.
"I know. I know. But I'm pretty sure Maggie has plans for tomorrow, right Officer Sawyer?" Kara smiled.
Maggie grinned. "Always."
"So open it now. Unless you want me to crash your date tomorrow."
Alex took the box and smiled. She weighed it in her hands. "It's a hockey stick," she teased, pretending to guess.
Maggie rolled her eyes.
"A watermelon?" Alex's eyes glinted with humor. Maggie was so pleased to see her girlfriend so relaxed and happy. Since her episode with the whiskey, Alex seemed so much calmer and more at ease with herself.
"I know!" Alex said, triumphantly. "It's a catalytic converter!"
"Open it Danvers, or we'll be here until your next birthday," Maggie instructed.
Alex opened the box, and lifted the tissue paper. It was a photo of her, Kara, Maggie and J'onn, in an antique silver frame. They were all sitting at the table in the alien bar. Alex remembered Winn taking the photo. Her eyes pricked. "It's beautiful," she said softly. She eyed Winn critically. "Though next time we have a family photo, we need you in it too," she told him.
Winn was touched by Alex's inclusion of him as part of the family.
"We should get one of all of us," Maggie declared. "Now. Winn, you stand over there. Jo, you sit on the couch. Vaz, you crouch there," within minutes, Maggie had them all organized, and had set her iPad on a timer to take pictures. She smiled at the results, and immediately sent a selection of four photos to all of their email accounts. Everyone took out their phones at the same time, and smiled.
"Family is what you make it," Alex said softly, looking at her screen.