It's been two days, and even though we're all supposed to be in class, even though the exams are already over, most teachers have suspended the classes. Lily had come over as well, so the four of us are hanging out in our room. Lily and James cuddled up on James' bed, Remus and I cuddled up on my bed.
"… and she punched him right in the face," Lily laughs. She had been telling some story about one of her friends who had found out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her. To be honest, I wasn't listening. I'm too fucking tired to listen. This morning, when James had gone to pick up Lily, Remus and I had enjoyed our time alone. But fucking hell, he must have read a book about sex or something, because he tried out new things that I had never even heard of. And now I feel as though I have ran forty marathons, without sleeping, in a week. I am exhausted, and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. Remus seems to notice, and he gets a cheeky smile on his face. I see it, and I playfully punch him in the arm.
"What the fuck happened this morning?" James asks.
"You don't want to know," I say, and Lily raises an eyebrow. "Trust me. He seems like he is all sweet and shy, but once you're gone, and the door is locked…"
"Shut up," Remus laughs, his face turning dark red. I laugh, and they all know that I'm only messing about. Fucking hell, I had meant it, because once we're in bed, he sure as hell isn't shy Remus. But I would never tell our friends about that in a serious way. I think Remus would find a way to punish me if I would… well, perhaps I should tell people things about him then… I give him a kiss, and he puts his head down on my chest again. But then the door swings open, and before we have even had the time to move away from each other, Remus' parents have walked into the room.
"What the…," Mr. Lupin says, looking over at us, and Remus quickly gets up from of the bed, away from me. I had seen his parents only twice before, and they had looked at me as if I was a piece of shit under their shoe. Well, they probably would prefer to have a piece of shit under their shoe than to see me. Especially now.
"What is going on?" Mrs. Lupin asks, and Remus look at me, a panicked look on his face.
"Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, we…," I try, but Mr. Lupin doesn't even give me a chance to speak.
"No. We need to speak to our son," Mr. Lupin says, and James, Lily and I quickly leave. Fucking hell, we do not need to be here. Well, I want to be here for Remus, but I'd only make it worse. I flash him a supportive smile before leaving the room.
"What happened?" I ask, when we go back into our room. We had seen Remus' parents leave, and had immediately gone back to our room, only to find Remus sitting on my bed, crying, his face buried in his hands. I sit down next to him, and wrap my arms around him.
"I told them," he says, and I let go of him. What did he tell them? He couldn't possibly have told them the truth about me and him, could he? Fucking hell, Remus! "I came out to them."
"You did?"
"What did they say?" Lily asks.
"They said that it's probably just a phase. So I told them that I'm in love with Sirius, and they said that that's a phase as well. They blame this place," he sobs, and he looks at me. "They're transferring me to another school next year."
"They can't do that. It's our final year," James says. Fuck this. I cannot lose Remus. Not now we have finally gotten together and things are finally perfect for us. Well, they were perfect, until his parents showed up.
"Why were they here anyway?" Lily asks.
"They wanted to surprise me and come pick me up a few days earlier." Them showing up sure was a surprise. Fucking hell. "I don't want to leave this place."
"You won't. They probably just need some time to get their heads around the idea of you being gay and having a boyfriend, that's all," Lily tries, but we can all see how worried she is.
"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine," James lies. And it's great that they're trying to comfort him. But if we're all going to fucking lie to him, then how can we solve the fucking problem? They are taking Remus away. So how the hell are we going to stop them? But before I can say anything, they are coming back into the room.
"Remus, we have spoken to your aunt Annabeth. You will be moving in with her for the summer, and after the summer you will be finishing your education somewhere else. We think it's best for you," Mrs. Lupin announces, and Remus' sobs become louder again.
"Please, just let him finish school here," Lily tries, but Mrs. Lupin shoots her a glare.
"They truly like each other, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. Surely there's nothing wrong with that?" James tries.
"I don't see how any of this is your business."
"Remus is my friend, and so is Sirius. That's how it's my business." Wow, you go James. "Surely it will only be worse for Remus' education if he needs to switch schools now."
"Please let me stay here," Remus begs, looking up at his parents. But there is nothing in their eyes but anger and determination. No hurt, no pain, no love, they aren't feeling sorry for him. These people are fucking horrible.
"Remus, you go and pack your bags. Now," Mr. Lupin says. "Your flight is leaving tomorrow."
"Please."
"Flight?" I ask, looking confused. Where the hell does this aunt Annabeth live exactly?
"She lives in America," Remus explains.
"Pack your bags, now!" Mr. Lupin says, raising his voice. "I am not telling you again."
"Please let him stay here. I'll stay away from him," I try. Because fucking hell. I cannot let Remus move to America. I cannot lose him. I love him too fucking much. I know that I wasn't going to see him anyway for these two months, but knowing that he'll be in America is too much.
"Five minutes," Mr. Lupin says, ignoring me, and he and his wife leave. We quickly help Remus pack his bags, not saying a word. I don't think any of us know what to say. But then we have to say goodbye. Lily and James say goodbye first, and they say that they'll see him again after the summer. But I've got a gut feeling that they won't. The Lupins will do whatever they can to keep him away from all of us.
"I don't want you to go," I say, tears stinging in my eyes, and he nods, tears still falling from his eyes. He wraps his arms around my neck, and I pull him so close that I'm afraid I'm hurting him. But fuck, I may not see him again for months. I don't want to let go, but I have to, and I do. I let go of him, and I give him a kiss. It is the most heartbreaking kiss we have ever had, and after, he packs his bags, and leaves the room, expecting us to stay behind. But we follow him, and I grab one of his bags, and carry it for him. We follow them to the car, ignoring the Lupins' death glares. Fucking hell, do I want to punch these people. I know that my family is horrible, but at least they don't try to hide it, they are always horrible. These people are horrible, but pretend to do it for their son. They pretend to do what's best for him, when it isn't. When it is breaking his fucking heart.
"I'm going to miss you. All of you," he says, and he gets into the car. I can see him crying as they drive away, and I just break. I cannot put into words how much I love him. Beautiful Remus. Shy Remus. My best friend Remus. My boyfriend Remus. I love him with all my heart, my body, my brain, my soul. With whatever part you can love. I love him.
I'm sitting on my bed, staring at Remus' empty bed, wondering when I will be able to see him again. I had expected to hear from him, but his parents must have taken his phone. So I won't hear from him for months. I feel empty, hollow, like a part of me is missing. I feel sick to my stomach, weak for loving someone so much. But I can't help it. I have simply fallen in love harder than I could have ever imagined. And it really fucking hurts.
"What are you still doing here?" James asks, when he runs into the room, completely out of breath.
"What?" Go away. Fuck off, and leave me alone. I'm in pain, can't you see?
"His flight is leaving in two hours."
"So?"
"Your boyfriend is going to America, because his parents are forcing him to, and he's not coming back. And all you can say is 'so'?" What the fuck is he talking about?
"Not coming back?"
"Didn't he let you know?" Let me know what? Fucking hell, James. Explain, you stupid son of a bitch!
"No."
"Last night his parents told him that he'll have to finish his education over in America. He's moving in with his aunt until he has graduated."
"Why didn't he tell me?" Aren't we supposed to be in a relationship? Aren't you supposed to tell your other half when you're moving to the other side of the world? Or do I have too high standards? Fucking hell!
"Maybe he didn't know how to say goodbye? Maybe it's too painful?" James suggests.
"We've got to go and say goodbye," I say, and the spoiled brat rolls his eyes.
"I know, that's why I was so surprised that you were still here. Come on, there's a taxi waiting," he says. And fuck, am I glad that he has money. If we would have had to take the bus, we would have never been in time. We run out of the school, and get into the taxi. James instruct the driver where to go, and I grab my phone to check for messages again. But nothing. I try calling Remus, but he isn't answering. So James tries, but there's no answer. I feel sick, because this cannot be happening. Remus cannot be moving to America for at least another year. He'll forget about me, and we'll lose what we have. I don't want to fucking lose it.
"I love him," I say, and James looks at me with his eyes wide open. I have never said the l-word out loud, not like that. Not with this meaning. "I really fucking love him, James."
"I know," he says, and he checks his phone again. For the rest of the drive there, we just keep trying to contact Remus, but with no luck. As soon as the taxi stops, we jump out. James throws money back at the driver, and we run into the airport. James checks to see where we have to go, while I'm looking around for Remus. But then James drags me along, to where everyone has to check-in. And I see Remus, with his parents. He looks awful, as if he has cried all night long, and as if he is about to fall apart. Fuck, I hate seeing him like this. I just want to go over and hug him. But there are hundreds of people in front of me.
"Remus!" I shout, and he turns around, but he doesn't see me. So I try again.
"Remus Lupin, you get your fucking ass over here. Now!" James shouts, at the top of his lungs, and everyone is looking at him. Because here he is, a posh teenage boy, together with me, who looks like a tramp, shouting at someone. Remus has now seen us, and he tries to get to us, but his parents are holding him back. But he manages to break free, and he runs towards us, his parents quickly following.
"What are you doing here?" he asks.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I'm not even sure what I feel most. Anger about him not telling me that he's moving to America, or hurt because I'm losing him. But when I see the pain in his eyes, I know the answer. I feel pain. Yes, I am angry. But it doesn't even matter. The anger doesn't even begin to compare to how much pain I am feeling.
"I didn't know how to," he says. "And I didn't want to say goodbye." I can see that he's telling the truth, and that he's in as much pain as I am. More, because it's him who is forced to move. Because of me. Well, not all because of me. But mostly because of me.
"Remus!" Mrs. Lupin says, looking angry. "We need to leave, now."
"At least let him say goodbye to his boyfriend, will you?" James asks, shooting a glare at her.
"I don't want to go," Remus whispers, looking heartbroken. I don't give a fuck that his parents are here, and that people are still looking at us. I wrap my arms around him, and I hold him tightly. I can feel him shaking, and honest to god, I just want to take him in my arms and run away with him. But I know I can't. It would only get him into more trouble.
"I'm going to miss you so fucking much," I whisper, and I close my eyes. Remus' hands are clinging onto my back, and I can feel his grip tightening.
"I can't lose you, Sirius."
"You won't. I'll still be here when you get back," I say, and I open my eyes again. I lean back, so I can see his face, and I brush the hair out of his face. "I promise."
"Thank you." Thank you? Fucking hell, Remus. You do not need to thank me. I don't have a choice, do I? I think I'd fall apart if I wouldn't. I hate to admit it, because I feel like some weak lovesick puppy, but without you, I'm nothing. But if I'd tell you that, you'd probably laugh at me. Fuck, I would laugh at me.
"Remus, we need to leave. Now," Mr. Lupin says, looking more annoyed than ever. We give each other a kiss, our final one for a long time, and let go of each other. Remus gives James a big hug, and then follows his parents. But this feels wrong. I love him. I do. And yes, I sound like a lovesick puppy. And yes, we've only been together for a little while. But fuck, I love him, and he needs to know before he leaves.