Hey everyone, it's me, The Goon. Enjoy Chapter 13 and please review :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or 8 Bit Theater. (so far, the only characters I technically own are the Light Warrior Replicas and he White Mage and Black Belt Replicas)
Just for the sake of a quick recap, I'm putting some character profiles here for major characters [so far], but feel free to skip this part if you wanna jump right into the story.
Fighter- The most enthusiastic of the Light Warriors, but certainly not the brightest
Black Mage- A magic user with a real evil steak, and spends most of his time trying to get White Mage's attention, he is now allowed to use MORE than one Hadoken per day
Thief- A clever and witty pickpocket who is hiding something from everyone else
Red Mage- A noble magic user who is obsessed with quests and statistics
White Mage- A pure and innocent servant of the holy, she plays a key role in the Light Warriors' destinies
Black Belt- An expert in martial arts and somewhat like White Mage's guardian, what could be in store for him in the future?
The Light Warrior Replicas- They go by the names of Matt (Fighter's replica), Toby (Black Mage's replica), Marcus (Thief's replica), and Felipe (Red Mage's replica). Since they are creations of Sarda, they believe that they are the real Light Warriors and that our heroes are the replicas
Sarda- The Vice Principal of 8 Bit Academy, and also one of the most powerful sages in all existence...and is often referred to by the Light Warriors as a jackass
The Principal- The mysterious principal who is in charge of 8 Bit Academy, and predicts the destinies of the Light Warriors. Who IS The Principal?
Zell- A goofy guy who is always getting himself into trouble, and is part of the team accompanying the Light Warriors to retrieve the Earth Orb
Auron- A ladies' man who gets the attention from a lot of girls, who is also part of the team accompanying the Light Warriors to retrieve the Earth Orb
Wakka- A beach boy who ends most sentences with "man" and "yah", and part of the...well, in short, "Earth Orb Recovery Team"
Quistis Trepe- A teacher at 8 Bit Academy who forms the Earth Orb Recovery Team who accompany the Light Warriors
Rinoa- A scout for Quistis
The Dark Warriors - Consists of Garland, Bikke, Drizz'l, and Vilbert von Vampire. They are regular students at the Academy, but spend much time plotting against the Light Warriors.
Lich - The King of Hell and Vilbert's father, he has power over life and death.
The White Mage and Black Belt Replicas - They go by Rebecca (White Mage Replica) and Jared (Black Belt Replica), and like the Light Warrior Replicas, Sarda created them for reasons unknown.
"So are we gonna do this or what?" asked Red Mage.
"Depends," replied Thief, "Does someone want to explain what the hell just happened?"
"What do you mean?" asked Red Mage.
"As soon as those two strange people appeared, White Mage and Black Belt just disappeared," remarked Thief.
"And?" asked Red Mage.
"Where did they go?" asked Thief.
White Mage and Black Belt had gone from the Dark Warriors Fortress to a plain white dimension within half a second.
"Whoa! It's white everywhere!" exclaimed Black Belt.
"Just who were those two people that looked like us?" asked White Mage.
"It was almost as if someone had created exact replicas of us," said Black Belt.
"But how can that be? Sure, there are powerful wizards and brilliant magicians, but the only one I know who can do something this extraordinary is…wait a minute," said White Mage.
"What seems to be the matter?" asked Black Belt.
"Have you ever noticed how Sarda gets bored often?" asked White Mage.
"All the time, actually," replied Black Belt, "Why do you ask?"
"Well, I'm thinking this replica thing that's happening is something that he calls a joke," said White Mage, "And pardon my language, but for that, he is, without a doubt, a jackass."
"White Mage!" exclaimed Black Belt, "I never thought I'd hear a single word of vulgarity out of your mouth!"
"When you get someone like a White Mage angry enough, you would be surprised what I can say," said White Mage.
"I…don't think I see you as the same person anymore, White Mage," said Black Belt.
"Shut up!" shouted White Mage.
"Again with the vulgarity! What is happening to you, White Mage?" asked Black Belt.
"Instead of asking what is happening to me (which the answer to that is nothing)," said White Mage, "We should be figuring out a way to get out of this strange dimension!"
"I would suggest we explore it a little but there's nothing but white emptiness here," said Black Belt.
"Unless someone on the outside can reverse this course of events," stated White Mage, "I see no way of us getting out of here on our own."
"What are you just standing there for?" cried Jared, "Take out the Dark Warriors!"
"I dunno," said Thief, "It's usually more convincing when White Mage or Black Belt tells us to do something."
"I'M Black Belt!" exclaimed Jared.
"No, you're not," said Red Mage, "You're just a fraud, disguised as Black Belt, along with that other mage!"
Black Mage was still in the back room, but not in a way he would ever expect. One thing he instantly liked much better about Rebecca than White Mage was that it was easy to convince Rebecca to lift up her robes for him. It was just as easy to pop right into action. Rebecca knelt down, with her robes over her face, and Black Mage went right into action in a doggy position. Fighter was coming in from around the corner, hearing Rebecca's pleasurable moans and Black Mage's cries of lusty satisfaction.
"Hey BM, Thief suggested I bother you instead of him," said Fighter, "Since you're my best friend and all. Oh, and while you're at it, Hadoken this place to the ground so we can get the Earth Orb!"
Black Mage leaped back, surprised and irritated that Fighter interrupted that moment of pure luck.
"Dammit, Fighter, I was having a moment with White Mage!" said Black Mage.
"That doesn't look like White Mage," said Fighter, "Her robes are different!"
"What does it matter?" asked Black Mage.
Rebecca was beginning to break down into tears, and to the surprise of both Fighter and Black Mage, Rebecca asked with a choke in her throat, "Y-You mean…I'm just a substitute…for White Mage?"
"See? She just admitted she's not White Mage!" said Fighter.
"As much as I care, which is very little, that is surprisingly the smartest thing I've ever heard you say since we began this stupid quest," said Black Mage, "Hell, that might even be the smartest thing you've ever said in your life!"
"But there is one thing White Mage and this woman have in common!" stated Fighter.
"What would that be?" asked Black Mage.
"They both have really big hammers!" exclaimed Fighter.
"What does that mean?" asked Black Mage.
He turned around and saw that Rebecca had pulled out, from under her robes, a giant hammer much like the one White Mage had, only it was pure gold instead of dark blue.
"Uh oh," muttered Black Mage.
"I'm telling you, I'm Black Belt, and that woman across the hall is White Mage!" said Jared.
"Okay then, if you're really Black Belt, then answer me this," said Red Mage, "Where are you from?"
While Jared thought up an answer, Thief whispered, "Psst, where is Black Belt from?"
"Don't you remember?" whispered Red Mage, "About half a year ago in Pre-Calculus, he said he was from a mountain stronghold in the east…not sure what it was called, though."
"I am from a mountain stronghold in the east!" declared Jared.
"You ARE Black Belt!" exclaimed Red Mage.
"I can't believe how stupid you are, Red Mage," said Thief, "If he were really Black Belt, he could tell us which mountain stronghold in the east it was."
"It could be any of them," said Jared, "How else would I learn all of the magic spells I have?"
"Ha! That proves you're a fake!" shouted Thief proudly, "Black Belt doesn't know the slightest thing about magic! He's your stereotypical jock! Therefore, you're a fake!"
"Though it does leave us with the question of where the real Black Belt still is," said Red Mage.
Suddenly, something small, blue, and loud came crashing through the wall. Rebecca had used her giant gold hammer to send Black Mage flying through all the walls until Red Mage blocked him. He left holes in the other walls.
"Dammit! Those were brand new!" whined Garland.
"Organs…bleeding…back…aching…head…spinning…" Black Mage said as he attempted to get back up.
"Well, you're no use to anyone like that," said Rinoa, "Here!"
Rinoa threw another Panacea to Black Mage, which instantly cured him.
"You should have made him pay a price," said Quistis, "A heavy price."
"Well, at least I feel better now!" exclaimed Black Mage.
"Perfect!" exclaimed Fighter, "Now you can Hadoken this place to the ground!"
"Excellent," cackled Black Mage, "It will be my pleasure!"
"ENOUGH!" shouted Lich.
Red lightning bolts emitted from Lich's body, and dark, purple orbs circled around his body.
"Dark Warriors, attack them!" commanded Lich.
"Dammit, that totally cancelled out my Hadoken!" cursed Black Mage.
"Finally, we're getting somewhere," said Auron.
"About time we got into action, yah!" exclaimed Wakka.
"Let's do this, guys!" shouted Zell.
"This should be easy," said Drizz'l.
From many miles away, Sarda could hear thousands of hundreds of conversations going on all over the world. But right now, one was catching his attention. He knew Black Belt and White Mage were trapped inside the dimension, and could hear White Mage saying, "Unless someone on the outside can reverse this course of events…" and stopped to consider something.
"You know what?" said Sarda to The Principal, "We don't really need Rebecca and Jared to get White Mage and Black Mage out of the way!"
"And how is that?" asked The Principal.
"I have control over space and time! If I want them to be whisked away from the Light Warriors, I can just do that myself!" exclaimed Sarda, "I'm sure Rebecca and Jared will have some other use eventually, but for now, their part is done."
To be continued...
~The Goon~