We are in Mom's room because they're done and I'm scared.
If that girls Mom died of Leukemia after getting the same surgery that my Mom did, my Mom could die, too, right?
The doctor comes in to check on her again.
"What kind of cancer did the girls mother have?" Mom whispers.
Lie, I need to lie. "She didn't say."
In fact, everyone knows she did say, but Mom doesn't catch on to the lie.
I stand up and look at he doctor. "Can I talk to you please? Like...outside."
"Okay." He says. He steps out the door and holds it open for me. I mumble a thank you and walk out. He leads me down the hall, away from the door by the huge windows that I'm sure the paparazzi are going to be snooping in the second that they find me. "What's wrong?"
"I was sitting in this waiting room and this girls Mom died. I comforted her and all and I asked how her Mom died and she said she died right after getting the same surgery my Mother just got. Is my Mom going to die? What's going on?"
"Did the girl have green eyes?"
"Yes."
He sighs. "She did die after the surgery, but she also had Heart Cancer. That's what took her."
"So my Mom...?"
"Your mother has an eighty percent chance of survival. After she heals the surgery, we'll start remission. The cancer could come back, though."
"What happens if it does?" I ask.
"Radiation and more bone marrow."
I let out a long breath. "So she isn't going to die?"
"Probably not right now but don't worry. I'm doing whatever I can to keep your mother alive."
"I hate cancer." I mutter.
"Me too, that's why I'm fighting it."
I nod and walk back to the room.
"Everything okay?" Mom asks, suspicious.
"Everything is perfect." I smile.
…..a…...
"So what do you want to do?" Finn asks.
I feel...left out? Mom is home and I'm going out with Jo, Blight, Finn and Annie.
Peeta is staying home, not with only my kids, but with Mason and Ben too.
I made sure I expressed my anger about the whole situation by ranting to my husband. I didn't stop until everyone got here to pick me up. All the kids heard my rant, and Peeta's family and they kept agreeing it's fucked up. I think Peeta's upset he wasn't asked to come but he keeps insisting he's fine and that angers me even more.
It's like a double date and then I'm the third wheel.
I grit my teeth. "No clue."
"Kitty." Finn says. "You look pissed. What's wrong?"
We haven't even left yet, we're still on my porch.
"I'm fine." I say.
"Why didn't you ask Peeta to come? Are you guys fighting?" Johanna asks.
"No we aren't fighting. You didn't even tell me to ask him."
She scoffs and brushes past me into the house. "Loverboy!" She shouts, slamming the door behind her.
"We should go out to a fancy dinner." Blight says. Jo comes back outside with Peeta.
"He's coming." She says.
"Did you even ask if he wanted to?" Annie asks. Everyone has their hands joined except for Peeta and I, and it feels empty without his hand in mine, especially since he is standing right next to me.
He must feel it too, because he takes my hand and kisses it, and then threads his fingers through mine.
She looks at Peeta. "Do you want to come?"
He shrugs. "I don't want to be a burden to you guys."
"You are not a burden." Finn says. Everyone agrees except for me.
They all stare at me, except me to say something.
"What?" I ask.
"Is he a burden?" Jo asks.
"That's a stupid question. He knows I'm not a burden. If he was a burden we wouldn't have sex whenever we get the chance." I mutter, and we all start laughing.
"So where are we going?" Annie asks. "Finnick thinks we should go out to a fancy dinner."
"Fuck that." Johanna says. "Let's go to the mall in Louisville, eat at the food courts and then raid the stores."
"I'm down for that."
"Who's watching the kids?" I ask.
"My parents." Peeta says, kissing my cheek.
…..a…..
Against my protests, everyone decided we are going into a music store called F.Y.E. If it stands for something, I don't know what it is, and the rest of us don't either.
"Hey Kitty," Finn says. "Doesn't this girl look exactly like you?" he holds up my album. Johanna rips it from his hand.
"Fuck. Brainless, this girl and you could be twins."
Peeta takes the album and studies the two faces. "We should call your parents to see if you have a twin."
"Excuse me," Blight stops some girl and boy, Ryan and Rose's age for sure, holding hands. "Could you tell me if this girl," he hands the people my album. "And that girl," he jabs his thumb in my direction, "Look alike?"
The girl looks from the album to me, and back to the album.
"Isn't that actually her?" the girl asks.
"No." Peeta says.
"Yes it is, because my Mom listens to her album all the time. You're her husband. She always says how attractive you are, and even though you could be my father, I have to agree with her." She pauses and takes the last album, the one in Blight's hand. "If I buy this can you sign it for my Mom?"
"Um, I guess?" I don't know if I'm even allowed to do that. The only person I can get in trouble with is Haymitch, and he doesn't scare me.
The girl walks away, and a couple minutes later she comes back with a black sharpie. I sign it and take a picture with the kid and her boyfriend even though they're way too young to be dating and then she leaves the store saying how her mother is going to be so happy when she gets home.
"Fucking kid is fifteen years old with a boyfriend, in a crop top with her boobs hanging out and shorts that hardly even cover her ass. If I ever see any of my kids dress like that," I inhale sharply and don't finish my sentence.
"That was gross." Peeta says.
"What was?"
"The fact that a girl my daughter's age just called me attractive. It makes me uncomfortable and sick to my stomach."
"Well she's not wrong."
"Yeah but your my wife. You can say that." He says.
"Whatever, the bitch took the last copy and now I can't buy it." Jo says.
"Oh, we have more." A worker says, and he restocks the shelf.
Johanna buys one.
"I am going to torture you so badly on the way home." She snickers. "Now sign this shit." she thrusts it into my hands and gets a sharpie from Annie's purse.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because."
…..a…..
This is fucking torture, like, can I die please?
My music is being played, and I really don't want to hear it.
It's my voice and my music and this sucks. We're all crammed in my car, but Peeta's driving. The windows are down all the way and I'm right in between Annie and Finn with Blight in the back row behind us. My knees are pulled up against my chest and my eyes are squeezed tightly shut with my hands clamped over my ears and they're all screaming along with my voice, when the living and breathing me isn't making a noise, and every time one of them looks at me they laugh.
It's one in the morning.
We pull up at Peeta and I's house and I'm out of the car before the vehicle has fuly stopped moving, having crawled over Peeta's lap. It's snowing so the moon is blocked by the clouds. I walk through the light flurries. It hasn't snowed since winter and this is the first time so I know the kids will be excited.
I walk into the house. All the lights are off. I sneak past the living room and the kitchen, checking to make sure everything was taken care of. Of course it was, because Mrs. Mellark is here. I go upstairs and, before even entering my room, I go and check on the kids.
When I open up Jillian, Elizabeth and for now, Juliette's door, all three girls sit up, looking scared at first, but then lay back down when they see it's me.
"It's late girls." I whisper.
"I was scared." Jillian whispers. "All three of us."
I go into the room all the way. "Why?"
"Because I was just scared without you or Daddy here."
"Well, both of us are home." I whisper. "Now, I need all three of you to be god little kids and go to sleep." I kiss all of their foreheads and hug them and tuck them in and then I continue my rounds.
After I check on my kids, I go and take a shower, and then I dress in Peeta's shirt and climb into bed. I'm sleeping before he's even in the room.