Chapter 13 – Remember

Carol's eyes fluttered open as she slept in her hospital bed. She could hear Daryl speaking in soft tones, and she couldn't help herself as she peeked over at the cot the nurse had brought in for him. He lay back against it with Sophia sleeping against his chest. She was so new, just a few hours old. After her birth, Carol had held her and cooed over her and kissed her, but the labor had been arduous, and the delivery had been just as difficult.

Carol tried not to move. She was very sore, but she'd managed to lie on her side, giving her a perfect view of her husband and their new daughter.

"What do you think, Soph?" Daryl asked softly, his eyes closed as he lay back, rubbing the baby's back through her swaddling blanket. "Hmm? You gonna sleep all night? That's good, 'cause we wanna let Mama sleep, right?" The baby grunted in her sleep. "See, your mama? Daddy loves her so much. Never thought I'd meet anybody like her, but I was lucky. Now we're twice as lucky, 'cause we got you. You and your mama are the most important people in my life. Don't tell your uncle Merle that, 'cause that might just hurt his feelings." He chuckled a little, and Carol couldn't help but smile from the bed, closing her eyes, enjoying the sound of Daryl talking to their baby.

The last few months had flown by. They'd finally got the baby's room all set up, they'd gotten married, they'd had their short but worth-it honeymoon, and within a month of coming back home, they were parents, and they were beginning a brand new chapter in their lives.

It was a little scary to think about for too long. They'd fallen into this thing hard and fast, but if you asked Carol, she wouldn't change a thing. Daryl was her best friend. Her partner. Sure, she'd taught him a few things in the bedroom, but he'd taught her a whole lot about love. They'd both been pretty lacking for the kind of affection most people have no trouble finding in day to day life, but somehow, these two had come together and found it in each other, and just to think about it made Carol love him all the more.

"You sleep now, Soph. Promise I'll never let anybody hurt you. Promise I'll always keep you safe. You and your mama and…whoever else comes along." He kissed the top of her head. "Sleep now, sweet girl."

Carol turned slightly, watching the rise and fall of Daryl's chest. She knew him well enough now to know that he was already sleeping. She smiled a little and got out of bed, picking the baby up from his arms and gently cradling her as she took her to the portable crib. She kissed the top of Sophia's head, smiling as the baby's soft hair tickled her nose.

"Let's let Daddy sleep now," she whispered. "He's had a rough day." She grinned and put the baby down in the bed, stroking her hair softly until the baby settled and went to sleep.

"What do you hear in there?" Carol giggled as she leaned back against the couch and Sophia rested her head against her mother's belly.

"I hear sissy," Sophia giggled. Ever since they'd told her she was getting a new sister, Sophia had been obsessed with listening to her mother's belly, always wanting to press her ear up against it and whisper to her little sister.

"Kenzie's talking to you, hmm?" Daryl asked as he sat on the floor, leaning his back against the couch. His arm was stretched back, and he had his hand resting on Carol's belly. "Don't think Kenzie can talk yet, Soph."

"Yes she can," Sophia said with an adamant nod. She leaned her head against Carol's belly again. Carol giggled in amusement. "She talks to me, 'cause I'm her sister." Carol felt Mackenzie kick, and Sophia jumped.

"Did you feel that?" Carol asked.

"She moved!"

"Kenzie's already trying to beat up on her big sister. I think our kids are more like you and Merle than I thought they'd be," Carol teased, ruffling Daryl's hair. She saw Daryl's shoulders slump slightly at the mention of Merle. He hadn't been around much the last couple of years. He'd been off and on in trouble with the law for one reason or another, and when he wasn't in jail, he pretty much kept to himself. Daryl had gone out there one night, and Merle had explained to him that he was all fucked up and he didn't want his niece to see him that way.

The last time Daryl had spoken to Merle, he'd told him that Carol was pregnant again, and then Merle was gone, and he had no idea where his brother was, but if he knew Merle as well as he figured, he'd turn up sooner or later.

"Hey, he's ok. You know Merle. He can take care of himself," Carol promised. Daryl nodded, but Carol knew he wasn't completely convinced. "Hey, Soph, why don't you go play in your room until supper's ready?"

"Okay," Sophia said with a nod. "Bye, Kenzie. Talk to you later!" She gave Carol's belly a kiss and hurried off upstairs. Carol sat up and patted the couch cushion next to her. Daryl maneuvered himself up onto the couch, and Carol tugged at his arm until he was lying with his head in her lap. She ran her fingers through his shaggy locks and smiled down at him.

"You know Merle," Carol continued. "He's got problems. We know that. We've known that for a while, but he's got the good sense to keep that stuff away from Sophia. He's going to be ok. He's going to figure everything out, and he'll be back. You just have to give him some time."

"He's my brother," Daryl murmured. "He's my blood. Just hate that he's out there and don't have nobody." He turned slightly, stroking Carol's belly. "Don't want our girls to ever know what that's like. To be alone, ya know?"

"They won't," Carol assured him. "Our girls will have us, and they'll have each other, and everything's going to be fine. Merle will come home, and everything will be alright." She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "You'll see."

Ever since she was a baby, thunderstorms had helped Sophia sleep. By the time morning came, she was still out like a light, and Daryl was the first awake. He climbed out of the truck to take a piss, and it wasn't long before Carol was up and about as well, taking her business behind a bush. He couldn't help but smirk. He'd seen the woman spread eagle on a table giving birth to their child. He knew every damned inch of her, but she liked to pee in private.

When she came back around to the truck to join him, they stood side by side, shivering in the cool, morning air.

"What's the plan?" she asked quietly, eyeing him.

"We keep movin'," he said quietly. "Gotta get you and Sophia somewhere safe." She noticed how he seemed tense now, and she reached to touch his arm. He flinched.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly. "Daryl?" Her eyes searched his, and he fought every urge to clam up and not say anything. He knew she needed him to talk. He needed to talk. He just hated the way he felt about himself in this moment. He hated that he was about to see that sadness in her eyes again.

"Had a dream about Kenzie last night," he said quietly.

"Oh," Carol murmured. She nodded and rubbed his arm. "I dream about her a lot. I dream about what she'd look like. I think she'd look like you."

"It ain't right she's gone," he said quietly, turning to lean against the side of the truck. "At the same time, m'glad she ain't here for this." He felt her hand slip into his.

"In the weeks after…after everything…I told myself it was for the best. She was too good for this world. It made it hurt a little less. At least that's what I told myself." She sniffled. "I miss her, Daryl. Every minute, my heart hurts, because she's not here. But I thank God that I survived. That you survived. And we still have Sophia. We're doing alright. Kenzie just…she wasn't meant to be."

"She was," Daryl argued. "I felt her. I'd touch your belly, and she'd kick, and I'd feel it. You'd feel it." He watched the tears slip down her cheek, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. "At the hospital, they let…they let me hold her for a minute. They…she was so tiny." He flinched at the memory. "I asked 'em to take her footprints for ya."

Carol thought back to the photo she'd packed of Kenzie's tiny foot prints, like miniature replicas of Sophia's.

"I didn't hold her," Carol choked out. "I should have held her."

"M'sorry," he murmured.

"Don't," Carol sniffled. "I asked them not to…they were going to bring her to me before they took her away, but I was…I couldn't believe it. I couldn't. I should have held her, Daryl. I should have let her know her mama loved her."

"Hey," he whispered, drawing her into his arms. She fell against him then, clutching his shirt and letting go of everything she'd been holding onto. She sobbed against his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt to his skin, and he held her tighter.

"I cried for her," Carol whimpered. "When you told me? All I wanted was to see my baby, but when the nurse offered to bring her, I froze. I couldn't. What kind of mother doesn't want to hold her baby?"

"It wasn't…you couldn't…I get it." He clutched at her back. "Kenzie knew her mama loved her. You did. It just…everything happened, and I hated myself for it. And I hated that I couldn't do anything to bring her back, to make you happy again."

Carol pulled back a little, and Daryl wiped her tears away.

"And somethin' happened. One day, you were ready to talk, and I wasn't, and everything got so messed up. I'm so sorry, Carol. I'm sorry for what happened to us. M'sorry I couldn't help you like I should've."

"You were grieving," Carol murmured. "We both were. We just didn't know how to grieve together." She gently placed her hand against his cheek. "I was alone. But so were you. And I'm sorry."

"Don't." He shook his head, blinking back his own tears. "You ain't got a thing to apologize for." He leaned in and pressed his lips against her forehead. "I shoulda been stronger."

"You lost your daughter. We lost our daughter, Daryl. I don't know how anybody can be strong after something like that." She fell into him again, clutching him, resting her head against his chest. "But we're here now. We're ok. Sophia's ok. We can be strong. We can keep going. For Mackenzie." She looked up at him, and he nodded.

"And for Sophia." He swept his hand against her cheek before pressing his lips down against hers.

"Mommy? I'm hungry!" Sophia poked her head out of the back window of the truck. Carol and Daryl pulled apart to see the smile spread over Sophia's face at the sight of her parents kissing.

"Let's see what we can find, ok, baby?" Carol called to her daughter. Sophia giggled and pulled her tiny frame through the small window. "Sophia Dixon! Where did you ever learn how to do something like that?" Carol sighed, exasperated, wiping away the remaining damp streaks against her cheeks from her tears.

"She's a Dixon. Dixons find a way," Daryl chuckled, giving Carol's hand a squeeze. "C'mon. Let's find somethin' to eat, and then we'll hit the road." Carol nodded and walked with her husband toward the truck, both of them terrified but ready to push forward for the sake of their daughter. One thing was clear, without a shadow of a doubt. Sophia's safety and well-being was the priority, and they'd do anything to make sure they kept her safe.