Chapter Thirteen

Watson blanched when she saw Charlie the following morning at work. She had no doubt that Joey had explained to her what happened the night before and she felt terribly embarrassed. She had been in a relationship for five years and now, newly single, she had forgotten how to approach women. Her first attempt had been an utter failure. She couldn't bear to see Joey again and she felt awkward around Charlie too.

"Hi," Charlie greeted, as if nothing was different.

"Hi," Watson said. "Um, did you speak to Joey last night?"

Charlie's mind flashed back to all the other things she and Joey had got up to that night besides talking but she tried to focus on what she knew her colleague was likely to be referring to.

"Oh, yeah, she did."

Watson frowned.

"Listen, you don't need to feel embarrassed," Charlie said kindly. "She was so flattered. Joey just doesn't do the whole relationship thing."

Watson nodded.

"I didn't offend her or anything?" she checked.

"Oh, no, of course not and she really wants to be friends."

Watson almost felt relieved, although she still didn't know if she could face the girl again.

Joey arrived at Charlie's house and knocked on the door. They were planning on having lunch there together after Charlie finished her shift.

"Oh, hey, Joey," Ruby said brightly. "Charlie's not home yet."

"Oh. Should I come back?"

"No, come in and hang out. She won't be long. She said you were coming over for lunch."

Joey came in and perched on a chair, accepting when Ruby offered her a drink.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Ruby asked.

"Sure."

Ruby sat down, looking serious.

"How did you know you were gay?"

Joey was taken aback by the question.

"Just… I know someone. She hasn't talked to me about it or anything and I don't think she's gay but I wonder if she's impressionable, you know?"

"Impressionable?"

"Like, she's had a rough time with guys and might be led to believe that girls might be the answer?"

Ruby felt terrible talking to Joey about it but she didn't know what else to do about Charlie. She wasn't blind. She'd seen the way Charlie looked at Joey, the way her eyes followed her around the room. It wasn't right, especially as it seemed that Joey was harbouring feelings for Charlie too. But Joey's were genuine and Charlie's were misguided. Ruby felt the need to help, to stop the situation before it escalated too far. And she suspected this wasn't the first time. She hadn't been old enough to really comprehend the situation but she distinctly she remembered her father being convinced that Charlie was getting caught up in something similar once before. If Charlie was a lesbian, that would be fine, but she wasn't. She'd had plenty of boyfriends so she had to be heterosexual. She didn't want her to confuse admiration of another woman like Joey, who was easy to admire, for something more confusing.

"Ruby, I don't think it works like that. I mean, I could be as lonely or disillusioned as I wanted but I'd still never be with a guy because, well, that's just not who I am."

"But what if someone really admires someone else and they confuse that with wanting them… you know, sexually?"

"Then they'll figure it out pretty quickly. It's either working for you or it isn't."

"So, if a girl is attracted to another girl then that's it? They must be gay?"

Ruby started to fret.

"No, sexuality is more fluid than that," Joey explained. "The person you're talking about could be all manner of things – gay, bi… I don't know… somewhere in between maybe. She could just want this other person and nobody else. That's possible too."

Ruby sighed.

"I'm not much help, am I?"

"No, you are. I'm just worried about her."

"Who are you worried about?" Joey asked.

"Oh, just a friend from school," Ruby lied.

"Well, being a teenager is a pretty confusing time. A lot of people question themselves and everyone turns out differently."

Ruby sighed harder.

"I'm still not helping," Joey concluded.

"No, you are. I haven't thought about it that way before. I'm just so confused about what to do with her – whether to talk about it or not."

"If you find a time when you can talk about it, maybe she's desperate to share it with someone," Joey said. "Trying to figure out your sexuality can feel like the end of the world, especially doing it alone. I mean, this person you think your friend admires or likes? Does she know?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything. I could be jumping to conclusions."

She held her head in her hands.

"Your friend will be okay," Joey assured her. "She'll work it out. In the meantime, don't get stressed out about it. The most important thing you can do is let her know that you accept her and love her and want to be her friend, whatever she turns out to be."

"I can do that," Ruby said. "Well, thanks, Joey. I'm off to meet Annie and Jai."

She left just as Charlie was arriving home. They exchanged brief pleasantries on their way and then Charlie hurried in to see Joey.

"Hey, how was your shift?" Joey asked.

Charlie came and straddled Joey's lap and kissed her deeply.

"A necessary period of time until I got to see you again," Charlie said. "I think I might be addicted to you."

They kissed again.

"I think I can cope with that," Joey grinned. "Hey, I had an interesting conversation with your sister just now."

"Do you want to talk about my sister or do you want to make out?" Charlie asked.

Joey chose the latter.

"Tell me about your life, Joey," Charlie said thoughtfully.

They had eaten lunch, with a few distractions and gone for a walk along the beach. With their shoes off, they walked in the surf with the sand between their toes. They held hands discreetly. Joey cast a glance in her direction.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything you want to tell me."

Joey shrugged. She tended to compartmentalise her life and not really talk about things that had gone before. But then, it seemed that Charlie was changing most things about her. She didn't tend to get close to people but she'd completely let Charlie in, so perhaps she could open up a little about her history.

"Um, well, I was born and raised in fishing village, which is pretty much where I got my love of boats and the water from. And it's where I learned everything about sailing. I left as soon as I could. Then I travelled around a lot, as you know. I've worked various jobs – on boats, in bars, as a gardener and in the hotel, obviously. That's it, pretty much. I've never done anything terribly interesting. I just keep myself to myself."

"What about girlfriends?"

"A couple of whirlwind love affairs, minus the love part," Joey said vaguely. "A few casuals and stuff. But there's only been one special woman in my life."

"What was her name?"

Joey stopped.

"Charlie Buckton," Joey said with a giggle.

Charlie flushed and laughed too as they continued to walk.

"You said you didn't have any family," Charlie ventured.

"They're still in the little fishing village," Joey said sadly. "I don't see them. They won't see me."

Charlie stroked the back of Joey's hand with her thumb and waited for her to continue. Joey sighed heavily.

"They knew I was gay pretty early on. I never made a big announcement or anything but I didn't go out of my way to hide it. Then when I started seeing someone, well, I did try to hide it then, but even though they didn't know who it was, the tell-tale signs of a first, giddy romance were there. When the relationship ended and things were as difficult at home as they'd always been, I took off. I kept in touch and I went to visit and everything, endured the awkward family Christmases where my father would demand to know why I didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't thinking about settling down. And then one day, a few months before you and I met for the second time, Brett, my brother came storming into my apartment for a 'surprise visit'."

Joey sighed and looked out at the water. She wished she was allowed to show some affection towards Charlie but they were in public so hidden hand holding was all they could manage.

"Well, it was pretty early in the morning. I'm convinced he planned it that way. I was half undressed when I opened the door. I'd been seeing this girl, Kathryn for a month or so and she heard voices in the kitchen so she came to see who was there. She was also half undressed. Brett figured out exactly what was going on and lost the plot. We argued. It got physical. I'd like to call it a fight but really, he just beat the crap out of me. He screamed all sorts of obscenities. He scared the shit out of Kathryn who was frozen to the spot."

Charlie couldn't bear the image of Joey being beaten up.

"What happened?" she asked.

"He left and Kathryn took me to the hospital," Joey explained. "I had to stay in for a few days. Then…"

"You skipped town?"

"How did you guess?"

She offered a wry smile.

"I headed home to try and talk to my parents. Dad took Brett's side. Mum stayed quiet. She was never entitled to an opinion of her own but she crept outside as I was leaving and told me she loved me and that she was sorry she couldn't stand up for me. She gave me every penny in her purse, kissed me goodbye and that was the last time I saw any of them," Joey said sadly.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Charlie said.

She turned to hug her close and Joey relaxed in the comfort of her arms. Drawing away, she took a breath and kept on walking.

"I've never talked about it before," she admitted.

"Thank you for trusting me," Charlie said softly.

"I can't seem to help it."

They continued walking in silence.

"So, what about you?" Joey asked.

"What about me?"

"Tell me about your life."

"Born, raised, Mum, Dad, sister, became a cop, have a string of failed relationships behind me and could never quite admit to myself why, Mum died a few years ago, which was painful beyond measure, but finally I feel like life is starting to settle again."

"Were you close to your Mum?" Joey asked.

She remembered Charlie talking about her being sick the second time they had met. She remembered how hard it had been for her to accept the diagnosis.

"Yeah, she was so lovely. She was always proud of me and Ruby, no matter what we did. And she was so funny! Ruby gets her sense of humour from her. And there was such a contrast at home, you know? Mum was so warm and Dad… well, he wasn't around long enough to have a regular temperature. He was always so busy working. The force came first and the family came second. Or that's how it felt anyway," Charlie explained. "I always wanted to make him proud but I've never quite succeeded."

"I'm sure you have, Charlie," Joey said.

"I doubt it."

"Come on, you've followed in his footsteps. What father wouldn't be pleased with that? I mean, it can't have escaped his notice that you became a cop to impress him."

"Hey! I didn't… Okay, maybe I did."

Charlie frowned and Joey chuckled.

"You read me too well," Charlie complained.

"You don't normally mind," Joey pointed out.

Charlie laughed.

"So, what about this string of relationships?" Joey probed.

"Um… well, you remained pretty elusive about yours," Charlie reminded her.

"There wasn't much to tell," Joey said.

"Same here."

"Any long-termers?"

"I was with one guy for a year."

"What happened to him?"

"He cheated on me."

"Did he get diagnosed as clinically insane?"

Charlie smiled and fought the urge to reach across and kiss her. There were too many people milling about. Holding hands felt risqué enough.

"Well, his loss is my gain," Joey smiled.

"Okay, I can't bear being polite," Charlie declared. "Let's go somewhere private. I just really want to hold you right now."

Joey leaned against a smooth surface of a rock in a small cove they'd found further up the beach. Charlie snuggled up against her, running her fingers up and down her arms.

"This is nice," she said dreamily.

Joey murmured an agreement.

"I hate to think of you suffering the way you have, Joey," Charlie said shyly.

"It's no big deal."

"But he hurt you."

"It doesn't matter now," Joey said. "It's in the past."

"I'd still arrest him if I got the chance," Charlie grumbled. "And not very politely either."

Joey laughed.

"Big, strong cop protecting me," she grinned. "I feel special."

"You are special."

Charlie tilted her head up and kissed her.