Chapter 13

THWACK!

I gotta go.

THWACK THWACK!

The burning of his lips still lingered on mine; the feeling of his hands on my back and head still indented.

THWACK!

I walked over and angrily grabbed the four kunai lodged deeply into the wooden dummy against the brick wall in my bedroom. There were dozens more holes in the wood showing my frustration in the evening's events.

I don't know what came over me. Why the hell did I pull him down into a kiss? Stupid stupid stupid.

THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK!

ARGH! The scene had been replaying itself in my head for the past few hours, and I was so pissed with myself afterwards that I came straight here into my bedroom and started chucking kunai at the wooden target in anger.

He had had a good time, and I had to go and fuck it up by kissing him. After all these years he had finally started opening up to me, and I just had to go and scare him off by doing something selfishly stupid.

I grabbed the bottle of liquor on my side table and took a long sip of the harsh liquid; I really should have stopped when I got home, but after that clusterfuck it just seemed like the right thing to do.

Tonight had been awesome; me, him, and Mikey had had a great time. My stomach did flips as I remembered my impromptu dance with him in the middle of the street. Yeah, I had danced with Mikey as well, but once Raph and I started being so close to each other it just kind of clicked.

I surprisingly loved it. I loved his strong arms holding me, almost possessively, like he was warding off any other potential guys from coming in and whisking me away. He was close enough for me to smell his specific scent, that lovely mixture of musk, leather, and a few other things I couldn't quite put my finger on; it was intoxicating…even more than the few drinks I had.

Was it just the alcohol talking though? Was I interesting in Raphael like that? I had never put much thought into it since he and I didn't really like one another as kids. I mean, Mikey and I had a discussion before I left for school about how, even though I loved him, he was just a brother to me. But did that count for any of the others? I'd only ever seen Leo and Donnie as big brothers in my eyes, there was no way there'd ever be any attraction towards them.

I raked my fingers over my face in frustration before I let loose my kunai again. I did know one thing; things were going to be awkward unless I fixed it, and soon.

But how could I fix this? How could I seriously go up to Raph and try to tell him what I thought about this situation…when I didn't even know how I felt about it myself.

The sound of buzzing caught my attention momentarily, and I walked out to the front hallway to see my cellphone vibrating towards the edge of the table. I quickly ran over to grab the device before it fell, and noticed it was Donatello calling.

"Hey Donnie," I answered after clearing my throat and trying not to sound like I had been drinking, "What's going on?"

"Hey Elena, sorry for calling so early, I didn't wake you, did I?" Hell I didn't even know what time it was since I had been venting my frustration in my bedroom for who knew how long. I glanced over at the stove's digital clock to see it was almost four thirty.

"Ah, no, that's ok. I was having issues sleeping anyway," I replied, trying to sound as tired as possible to make it sound convincing. "What's the special occasion?"

"Is everything ok there? I got an alert that one of the silent alarms on the windows went off. The uh," he momentarily paused as I heard typing in the background, "Looks like the northwest corner of the apartment, so, uh...that's the balcony in your bedroom."

I froze at the information; someone had tried to get in while I was here? "I, uh…I didn't hear anything. Think I should go check it out?"

"No, one of us is heading out now to come check it fast. Just go get somewhere safe and stay hunkered down until we get there, ok?"

I felt silly as I realized I was nodding, "Yeah, ok. See you soon." I pressed the screen to end the call and looked around warily, like someone would just jump out from behind a corner. I quickly ran to my room and grabbed my kunai before shutting myself into the bathroom and locking the door. That was the only room that did not have a window, so if anyone was actually in here, they'd have to bust through the door to get me.

But then again, I would be trapped too. I smacked my forehead in frustration. Idiot.

My head swam from my consumption as I kept my breathing shallow, afraid that if someone had gotten in here they'd hear me. I knew if they were in the apartment they'd eventually find me in here, but dammit at the moment it kept me calm. The minutes ticked by slowly until I finally heard the voice that I didn't want to hear right now…

"Elena, are you in here?" Raph's voice echoed through the apartment, a slight hesitation could be heard on the edge of his question. Maybe he was forced to come check on me instead of Leo or Donnie. He probably didn't want to be here anymore than I wanted him to.

I sighed as I stood up and unlocked the door, slowly opening it to peek out. I saw the large turtle at the end of the hallway by the doorway to my room. The sound of the lock got his attention and he quickly turned towards the noise, his hands grasping his weapons.

I felt heat rush to my cheeks as my stomach flipped around at the sight of him; apparently my body hadn't forgotten our last encounter.

I couldn't tell his expression, but could tell he was also struggling with something internally.

"Hey, sorry for you having to come out here so late," I wrung my hands around the hilt on my blade, "Is everything ok?"

He nodded his head back towards my room, "Yeah, I checked the balcony, and nothing looked outta place, so may just chalk it up to a buggy system, though I know Donnie will just whine if you tell him that."

I let a small chuckle escape; yeah, I could hear Donnie's voice saying something like with the precise calibration of the system there would be a .0000531% chance of a malfunction or something equally nerdy.

"All I found was this," he tossed me a small object. Turning it over in my hands I saw it was a pen; one of the ones that pharmaceutical reps would give out like candy at the hospital. "Look familiar?"

"Yeah, dad brings these home by the truckloads. I don't think I ever ran out during high school and college," I paused as I thought hard. "I probably left it out there one night after sitting on the balcony."

An uncomfortable silence fell between us. The words that formed in my head, what I really wanted to talk about, would be a doubtful reprieve from the awkwardness.

"You holdin up?" he asked hesitantly. I nodded slowly in response after a moment, though I couldn't stand to look up to his eyes.

"I, uh…" he stumbled over his words slightly as he continued, "I saw your training dummy in your room. You're getting better with your aim."

"Thanks…"

A few moments of silence passed between us as he cleared his throat, "Well, I uh…I guess I'll let you get back to sleep. Just let us know if you have any more issues." He started to move back towards the balcony in my room, just a few feet before he'd leave the apartment.

"Raph, wait," I said quickly as he had turned to leave. He turned back at me, and my voice caught in my throat. What the hell was I doing?

"Maybe we should talk about earlier," I could feel the doorframe to the bathroom against my back, and truthfully the idea of just shutting myself away sounded wonderful at the moment.

"Ok, talk," his words were tense, not really knowing which way the conversation would go.

"I, uh…I wanted to apologize for earlier," my eyes stayed glued to the floor, not having the courage to face him. "I shouldn't have done that, it was a mistake to push that on you and wasn't right of me, and I'm sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable."

I saw in my peripheral vision that he had crossed him arms, which he used to do a lot as a kid when he didn't want to hear what you had to say. Ugh…he must be really upset with me for putting him in this position. He must have not liked it, or just thought I was a drunk chick getting handsy.

"Maybe it would be better if we…um, we-"

"Forget it happened? I'm ok with that." He said sternly before turning to go back towards the balcony, "Anything else?"

Yeah, I wanted to tell him how much I liked it, and how much I thought he liked it too. And inwardly how I wanted to do it again. The more my mouth was saying to forget it my heart was arguing and saying no, go for it, you idiot.

"No, that's it." Dammit, what was I doing?

"Ok, see you later then."

And with that he was gone. Again. Wait, no! I ran to the bedroom and saw he had already closed the balcony doors. I burst through them, but by that time all I saw was the manhole cover being slid back into place down below.

Dammit Elena, you really have fucked up this time, haven't you.

"And then after that he just said OK, see you later then before jumping off the balcony and disappearing into the sewer," I sighed in frustration at the memory as I rested my head onto my folded arms at the kitchen's island. I rolled my head to the side to glance at the orange clad turtle in front of me, "I really fucked it up this time, haven't I Mikey?"

I hadn't slept at all since Raphael had left earlier this morning, and combining that with my continued alcohol consumption and exhaustion from the evening's events I was a mess. I don't really even remember Michelangelo coming into the apartment, himself trying to nurse a hangover and surprised to find me still being intoxicated.

He poured the freshly brewed coffee into two cups and passed one straight to me while simultaneously grabbing the bottle of liquor I was trying to take a sip out of. He pointed to the two small Tylenol that sat on the counter. "Here, drink this and take those, it'll help." He turned back to the stove where he was scrambling some eggs and sausage, with some toast as a starch to help settle my stomach.

I poked at the cup, not really wanting any of it; I'd rather stay in this haze the rest of my life since I was so good at screwing things up. Though the breakfast he was making did smell amazing. I glanced over at the stove's display and realized it was two in the afternoon. Ok, well brunch.

I slid the pills over to me and begrudgingly took them with a careful sip of coffee before resting my head back down on my arms. He slid the finished product onto two plates and carried them around the island to take a seat next to me. I poked at the food with a fork while he dug into his.

"So check it out," Mikey said between mouthfuls, "Maybe he just needs some time. I knew he was acting funny when we went back home last night, but of course you know he's not the Dr. Phil type."

"I'm gonna tell you something, and I swear it better not get back to him, because I like my head where it's at, ok?" I glanced over at him as I tempted a bite; it was pretty good.

I could see the turtle take a second to try and get his thoughts in order; "Ok, so the other week when you had that coffee date? Yeah, we uh…we were kind of watching you from the alley across the street."

He looked over at me as I raised an eyebrow in question. "Mikey," I said as I took another bite, "I don't think I have enough coherent brain cells left to try and figure out why you two were spying, so why don't you just go and tell me instead so I don't have to brain please."

"Look, so I overheard you that day making plans with Bradford," he made a snooty sounding voice when he said Brad's name, eliciting a small smile from me. "So I thought maybe him seeing you shop around per se might get the ball rolling, ya know?"

Mikey looked over at me and saw my expression, "I know that Raph's got something for you. You don't see how he is when you're not around lately. I figured I could just help it out a little."

"So why did he act all pissed off this morning," I lifted my head to sit upright on my arms instead of being sideways. The combination of coffee, food, and meds was making it feel slightly less ran-over-by-a-truck and more just ran-into-a-wall effect.

"Because you basically threw away the whole situation and confirmed his thoughts about it never working between a human and turtle," he motioned his fork around for emphasis on his words. "Like he probably thinks you're ashamed of coming down to 'his' level, you get me?"

I sat silent for a few moments, taking in a couple bites of food, "So do you think it could work? You know, between a human and turtle?"

I saw him side glance over to me and wiggle his eye ridges, "You know I'm always up for finding that out babe. Though I think your family holidays might get a little awkward."

There's the Mikey I was used to. I rolled my eyes and leaned forward to take another sip of coffee, "No fair taking advantage of me in my vulnerable state right now. And here I thought all you and your brothers were all 'noble' and some crap."

He snorted in laughter next to me, "No, that's just Leo. Hell even Donnie has some skeletons in his closet, though I'm not telling anything."

"So how do I go about fixing this? Do you think he'd even want to be around me anymore?"

A few moments pass in silence, and I could tell the youngest turtle was thinking deeply. "Well, here's the most likely situation. He's probably going to act like when we were all kids, being the asshole, not talking much, etc, etc, etc. BUT I think he'll come around again."

"Truthfully, I would just suggest going on a few dates with Dr. Charming to get the ball rolling." He saw me look at him funny when he mentioned the nickname and continued, "Look, Bradford or whatever his name is. Raph'll get jealous and come around. If that's what you want, at least."

I don't really know what I want. Hell, I was perfectly happy being single as it was, and I still have all my career plans to think about too. I just realized I hadn't even thought about those plans for a few weeks, being so busy with recovering and training with the guys.

My stomach was starting to feel better, and I leaned over on the orange clad turtle's arm, "Why couldn't you have been a girl, Mikey…You're pretty much like my one true girlfriend as it is."

"Ouch, friendzoned…harsh words Elena," he mocked pulling a dagger from his heart, "like you said years ago, it never would have worked between us, though at the time I didn't agree." He lifted the arm and wrapped it around me in a comforting hug before kissing the top of my head. "Besides, I wouldn't be able to swap dresses with you. We're different sizes and I've got way more curves."

An honest laugh escaped my mouth as I burst into giggles next to him. It felt good to truly laugh after the shitty night I had. I realized just how tired I was from not sleeping all night and nestled into Mikey's side as he finished eating his food while I only picked at mine. We used to talk all through the night as teenagers, and would often wake up sleeping next to each other, oftentimes still sitting up.

He was definitely a lot larger than he used to be, but it still felt comforting all the same.

I must have dozed off slightly, because I jolted awake as he was trying to put his and my plate together so he could slide it back across the island.

"Here, c'mon sleeping beauty, you've had a long night and need your beauty rest," he helped me down from the stool and walked with me to my bedroom.

"Ooo Mikey, taking a drunk girl to her bedroom, might need to question your honor," I joked as I tried to stifle a yawn. I saw him smile in reference to our earlier conversation.

"Nah, I'd much rather you be very awake and sober to experience all of this," he indicated his whole body and I smirked before pulling the covers back to my bed and crawling in.

"Sorry for being a piss poor host. You have to cook and clean for me while I just drink and then go pass out."

The orange clad turtle smiled as he pulled the sheets up on me, "Don't worry, I'm planning on abusing my guest powers by playing on your playstation all day; you've got a way bigger TV than we do."

I felt my eyes being heavy, oh so heavy, and wanted to do nothing more than just go to sleep.

"You know I love you, right Mikey?"

I moment of silence followed, and I peeked one weary eye at the door to see him looking at me.

"Never had a doubt in my mind. Love you too E. Get some sleep."