A/N: First, I would like to thank all of the people who have read this and reviewed, made it a favorite, or added it to an alert. I really and truly appreciate it!
Second, just to let anyone who wonders know, Peeta already got his wonderful happy ending story in the real books with Katniss and I do not intend on changing it, adding to it or putting their relationship into a new scenario. So my fics will never be about her and him getting together, sorry.
Third, I am sorry for any errors. I am trying to improve my writing as I get constructive feedback. I hope it is working. I hope the quotes are easier to read as I have been trying to segregate speakers.
This chapter will mainly be a flash back of her games, since going into war is a similar effect and would trigger a response of some sort.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games series or any of its characters.
Capitol's Doll
Written by: kmac13
Original Post: 3/01/2012
Edited Post: 7/2/2012
Chapter Thirteen
District Two is like a fortress for the military of the Capitol. It has a giant mountain that contains all of their military facilities, it is called The Nut. And it is going to be a hard one to crack. Gale, along with Beetee and a few other higher ups in the District Thirteen military strategize tirelessly over how to crack it. They know that if The Nut doesn't fall, neither will the Capitol anytime soon.
Katniss loves watching Gale in his glory of planning. He gets the same look of concentration he gets when working on or making up new snares and traps. She can tell he is really in his element. She, on the other hand, feels like she is back in her games, fighting people and having Haymitch help direct her along the way.
Haymitch hates watching Katniss over the live feed as she fight. It reminds him all too much of her games and watching her fight to survive. He wants her to just be able for once to rest, but knows that rest will either come when they win or in death. He hopes it's the former, but sometimes with Katniss one never knows for sure. It is often hard to follow her thoughts as she is an act first then think person, but she is enough like him that he can guess it before it happens.
Her games were the first ones since his first year mentoring that hit him hard. He was constantly afraid for her. He stayed fairly sober and never took his eyes off of her. He did not worry about Farve, her district partner; he had been dead before the games actually started. Haymitch would not waste time on someone who did not care about themselves. Katniss cared, not for herself, but for Prim and he guessed her friend Gale.
He had some interactions with Katniss in the Hob before her games. He would only buy her rabbits if he was sober enough when she would be there. He always tried to pay her extra, but she never took it. She would only take what was fair. He liked that. He had known her father, but more than anything he was intrigued by this strong girl who had taken over so many responsibilities as a young child. He admired her and that is why he would buy her rabbits. It is a hard task getting under Haymitch's skin, getting his admiration, but somehow a little girl with the odds stacked against her had. That is why he tried to bring her home. That is why now, sometimes when he sees her breaking, he wishes he hadn't for her own sake. But he knew that she would not die without a fight and no matter what he did as a mentor she would have probably made it home anyway. He knows she will win this war just like she won her games, fighting and a life of guilt over the dead.
After another excruciatingly long day, Katniss lays in her bunk thinking about the events leading up to her games and her games. The fighting people, who don't necessarily want to fight, is taxing on Katniss's mind. It conjures up all sorts of stress and games related memories.
**Flash Back**
It is nearly time for the reaping; Prim shirt is coming un-tucked in the back. Forcing myself to stay calm I tell her to "tuck your tail in, little duck". I smooth the shirt back in place. She giggles and quacks at me. I love my sister more than anything and always have an urgent need to protect her. I am wearing one of my mother's dresses from her apothecary days. She has done my hair in an intricate braid. I guess I followed Gale's advice to wear something pretty. Who knows, I am not a very "pretty" girl in the same sense that Madge or Prim are.
We make our way to the square and sign in. Prim is so nervous, this is her first reaping and even though she has only one slip out of thousands, I know she is scared. Everyone is. I take her to the twelve year old section and I make my way to the sixteen year old section. I search out Gale who is standing in the eighteen year old section. He offers me a wary smile. It is his last year. He has forty-two slips with his name in it, I am nervous for him. I have twenty-two slips my self.
The reaping starts and the mayor reads the history of Panem like he does every year. Then Effie Trinkett comes up to the podium and greets us in her high-pitched Capitol accent. It's the same greeting every year, "Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor!" She wears pink this year. All over pink; hair, make-up and clothes.
Gale looks back at me again and I find myself worrying about him. I wish I could tell him there are still thousands of slips in the bowl. Effie's voice rings out over the crowd, "Ladies First!". She waddles over to the girls bowl in her ridiculously high heels and pulls a name out. "Primrose Everdeen." She announces when she makes her way back to the podium. Everything stops. I see my life flash before my eyes. Prim is my life and hers is about to be taken away from me. As I see her pass my section I run out. The other kids in my section move out of my way, expecting me to do this. "Prim, Prim wait!" I scream into the crowd as I make my way in front of her, blocking her from the stage and Effie. At that moment I could swear I thought Effie was evil. I wanted to kill her for pulling out Prim's name. I had to protect my sister. "I volunteer, I volunteer as tribute!" I call out. They debate the legality of how to volunteer, but the mayor sadly tells her to just let me up.
Prim clings to me, wailing for me not to. I turn to her trying my best to keep the tears from coming and to keep my composure, I forcefully tell her to let go. Gale comes up and pulls off Prim. His voice catches, "Up you go Catnip." He takes the still screaming and flailing Prim and carries her to my shocked mother. When he sees she has become useless again he takes her to his mother and takes his place back in his section.
It's all I can do to pray he remembers our pact. That if one of us has to go to the Hunger Games the other will stay behind to take care of our families. Effie asks me my name as I stand on the stage next to her. "Katniss Everdeen." I say quietly.
"I bet that is your sister, can't have her stealing all of the glory can we!" Effie says. I want to smack her so bad; I have to clench my fist to hold myself from doing so. "Katniss Everdeen your female tribute. Let's give her a round of applause." Effie shrills. She seems so excited to finally have some action in District Twelve.
To my, and I guess Effie's, surprise no one claps. Everyone stays silent, telling the world that they do not condone or agree to this. They are against this. Then, one by one, they all give me an old District Twelve sign. They kiss three fingers from their left hand and raise them in the air towards me. It means thanks, admiration and good-bye to someone you love. It takes all of me not to cry. I keep my face stone, but I know my glistening eyes show them thanks. Haymitch comes staggering over to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders and tells everyone he likes me that I have a lot of spunk. Really I think he will miss the occasional rabbit he would buy from me at the Hob. Then as if he is mocking the Capitol, he points to the camera, "More than you." He says. He is about to continue, but luckily for me falls off the stage and the attention for a moment is off of me so I can recollect myself.
Effie who seems distressed at this quickly recovers. "Now time for the boys!" She reaches into the boys bowl and calls a boy I had seen at school and some in the Seam. He is seventeen, but horribly small for his age, still bigger than me, and underfed. His name was Farve Landon. The mayor reads over the Treaty of Treason and then we shake hands before we are escorted to the Justice Building.
I am locked in a luxurious room. There is a red velvet couch and all of the furniture is wood, velvet and detailed. I have never seen such nice things before. As I sit there feeling the velvet of the couch between my fingers the door opens and my mother and Prim come in. I hold Prim in my lap as if she were my own child. I comfort the crying child and promise her I will try to make it home for her. I will try. I may not have a shot in hell, but I will not die, for her, without a fight.
I make my mother promise to stay for Prim. I don't allow her to cry. I refuse it. She does not have the right to cry, not now. I tell Prim that Gale will make sure they have meat and other things they need, but to sell her goat's milk and cheese and some of the medicines her and mother make. I tell them I love them and they are ripped from me too soon.
Madge comes in next and quickly takes the pin she is wearing off and places in on me. I try to argue but she doesn't let me. She makes me promise that this will be my district keepsake I can wear in the arena. I do. She leaves and I know she is really and truly my friend, not just someone I have sat next to for years.
Gale comes in last and immediately I am in his arms. We go over strategy and he tells me to get my hands on a bow or make one, that this is just like hunting and I need to forget that they are children just like me. He tells me I need to make it home. I make him promise to take care of my sister and he says he will. He is drug out of the room by the peacekeepers. He is saying something but I can't make it out. The doors slam and lock shut. I am alone again. I have refused to cry. I will not let them see me as weak. I am not weak.
The peacekeepers come in and escort me to a car, the first one I have ever seen much less ridden in. Farve looks like he may have been crying, but now his face looks like he has given up completely. He has no hope and he has come to terms with it.
Once on the overly indulgent train, Effie shows us our rooms and I lay in mine for a few minutes, trying to catch my breath. I shower and change and soon Effie is back telling me to come to dinner.
To my surprise Haymitch is there and looking much more sober than he had early. He gives me an innocuous nod, so subtle I don't think anyone else would have noticed if I had not looked in his direction. Although Haymitch and I never had a real relationship before the games, he knows who I am. I am the girl who sells him rabbits on occasion and he is the drunk who would try and over pay for them. I never let him. I only took what was fair. I think on some level he always respected that. He never bought Gale's rabbits, but it never occurred to me to ask why.
After dinner we went and watched the recaps of all the reapings. As expected the Careers from One and Two all volunteered with a sick sadistic smile on their faces. The rest of the tributes go by in a blur. The only ones standing out to me are, the girl from Five who looks like a fox, the boy from Ten who has a crippled foot and the two from Eleven, especially the girl. She is twelve just like Prim, but nobody had volunteered to take her place. The boy was like an ox. They almost look comical standing next to each other on the stage.
The next morning at breakfast I see Haymitch and Farve are already eating, in an awkward silence. "So what is the game plan?" I ask Haymitch once I get my food.
"Stay alive." He tells me darkly. I am so mad that I take my knife and throw it just past his head at the wall behind him. I am sure he felt the cool metal of the blade as it grazed his ear. It gets a good stick in between the seams of the wood paneling and makes me look better than I am. "You missed." He sneers, but his eyes show just a little bit of pride.
"No if I had wanted to hit you I would have." I reply back snottily. He looks me over searching my face for my bluff, but he knows I have none. He starts laughing maniacally.
"I may actually do my job this year, seeing as I have such a strong fighter." He says once his laughter died done. I nod my head in understanding. He knows, just as I do, Farve has already given up and I am still clawing at death's door to keep from being sucked in. Farve hasn't spoken once. I think the last words he actually said were to whoever came to tell him goodbye. I do not have any attachment to him, since I don't understand how he has no will to fight for his own life, even if it is a slim chance. He has already become a ghost, Haymitch knows it and so do I.
"So what can you tell me about how to survive?" I ask Haymitch.
"First thing is first, we will be arriving in the Capitol in a few minutes and you will be handed over to you prep team and stylist. Do not argue and do everything they say. They may be your only chances before you get in the arena to get sponsors. If they can make you desirable then people will not want you to die, then they will send money your way." He smirks as he says this, knowing full well I will be in my own personal hell in a few minutes.
The prep team is scary. They do not look like any people I have ever seen. Their bodies and hair are dyed an assortment of colors. They have piercings and other strange body enhancements. They scrub me down several times in different solutions to make sure they get off all the dirt and coal dust. They wax my whole body except the hair on my head. They buff and polish my nails. And once they have finished their rare brand of torture on me they look almost pleased. "There now you look almost human." One of them says as if I would be happy. I thank them for all their hard work and help, since I think they truly believe they are helping me.
They leave and I am left standing in the nude waiting for my stylist. When he comes in I am shocked at how un-Capitol he actually looks and even more shocked that he barely has a Capitol accent. He introduces himself as Cinna and is evaluating me as I am him. He circles around my body, taking it in, inspecting it; before he tells me I can put back on my robe. I join him in a sitting area where we eat lunch. He can see my disgust and evaluation of the Capitol opulence and comments on how despicable I must think them. He doesn't allow me time to answer just shrugs and goes into details about my costume for the night, the opening ceremonies.
In the past District Twelve has always dressed up as coalminers, except for one year where they were completely naked and covered in black dust. I am just happy that neither of those options are the direction he is taking it, but am overwhelmed with fear when he tells me I will be lit on fire.
I am dressed in a shiny leather body suit that covers my whole body. I have lace up, knee high boots on. I am also wearing a cape and head dress with red, yellow and orange flares. Cinna has explained that the fire is synthetic and won't hurt us, but I am still more than a little skeptical. I look at Farve who is just standing there like a corpse already, waiting for instructions. "I will pull off your cape, if you pull of mine." I say only half joking.
He gives me a blank stare, "What's the point? Die now or die later." He shrugs and we are called to the chariot. Once on Cinna lights us on fire. He holds my chin in his hand and tells me to keep my head high, smile and wave, make the crowd fall in love with me even more. I am not sure how to do this; this kind of thing has never been something I am good at. But once we are moving and I see myself in all of my fiery glory I can't help but smile. I put on a show just like Cinna wants. Farve stands there, dead to the world. There is no life in his movements or eyes.
At dinner that night, everyone is congratulating me on my success. The crowd loved me and I am all anyone is talking about, according to Effie who is apparently in the know. Farve is ignored for the most part, seeing as he isn't so full of life anyway. I wonder if this is how it is every year in the District Twelve suite, two already given up dead kids who are not even encouraged to make it through. I can tell Haymitch has mixed emotions. He says one thing, that he wants me to do anything I can to survive, but his eyes tell me to try and find an easy dignified way to die in the arena. I can't help but think what must be so horrible about winning if even the victors don't seem to enjoy it. I shake the thoughts from my mind. I have to win for Prim. Watching the recaps of the ceremonies I can tell I stole the show. Most of the camera time is on me.
The next morning, Haymitch instructs me to steer clear of archery. I am not to let anyone know how good I am. I must save that for the private sessions with the gamemakers. I never thought he paid much attention to me back home, but he must have to already know what my greatest skill is. Farve has none and he refuses to even join in on the strategizing. The next three days goes the same. I try to learn skills from all of the centers. I avoid archery. Farve just wonders around aimlessly putting out little effort. I eat lunch with Rue the little girl from Eleven. I know it is not smart to get attached to someone before the games, but we both offer each other company and love. We eat dinner and Haymitch and I sit and discuss different scenarios I could encounter and what to do. He doesn't ever give me answers just prompts and makes me come up with the solutions. It would be fun if it weren't for the reason. I have always been good at figuring out how to survive and Haymitch once again seems contradicting in his pride and sadness. We are sarcastic and short with each other, but we get each other so it is not too often taken in offense. We fight and bicker, but what else would you expect from two people so similar. It irks me that I am so similar to the town drunk, but here I have realized there is much more to it than I think.
The fourth day is our private sessions with the gamemakers. I am the last to go. I am called only ten minutes after Farve, clearly he did nothing; he spent the least amount of time in there. I walk in and the gamemakers are all sitting around drinking, joking and admiring a roast pig. I take a few practice shots with the bow then do some impressive shooting, even taking out one of the center light to make a fireworks like explosion. Some of the gamemakers look up and nod, but the rest continue to ignore me. I am not one who is known for keeping my temper in check or acting rationally all the time. I lose it. I send my arrow through the apple in the roast pig's mouth and stick it to the wall behind it. The gamemakers look at me in shock; one even falls over in a punchbowl. I bow and thank them for their consideration before throwing the bow to the ground and walking out without being dismissed.
When I get back to my floor. I run to my room and lock the door despite Haymitch's calls. I cry for what feels like forever. The last time I cried is when I was eleven and was watching my mother, sister and I starve and had failed to protect us. I had stooped so low as to look through trash cans to find discarded food. I made the mistake of looking through the baker's cans when his witch of a wife came out and started swinging her broom at me and threatened to call the peacekeepers if I didn't leave at once. I turned and ran to the side of the bakery and sat under a tree. I cried for the first time over my father's death and being a failure. I had let him down. There was a clatter in the kitchen and soon the youngest baker boy was outside with two burnt loaves of bread. He had a nasty whelp on his face. He tore off some of the charred bits and tossed them into the pig pin before throwing the rest of the two loaves at my feet. He turned without even looking at me and went back inside the bakery. I ran all the way home with the two loaves and we ate that night. That was the beginning of my hope. I had meant to thanks him the next day at school and when we looked at each other we both quickly turned away. I looked down and saw the first dandelion of spring and memories of what my father had taught me flooded back in and I knew we would make it then.
So tonight I cry out all of the pint up tears I have been holding in, trying to be the strong one. I cry because I fear I may have gotten them killed, or hurt my own chances of making it back to them. When I have cried myself out, I showered and made my way to dinner. I keep my head down. I am not ready to look at anyone or discuss the mess I made. Haymitch asks Farve what he showed the gamemakers and as usual Farve just looks down and shrugs. I finally take in a deep breath preparing myself for the onslaught of curses I will get when I tell Haymitch what I have done. He looks over at me with a smirk, "And you Sweetheart? What did you do that would cause you to lock yourself in your room?"
"Shot an arrow at the Gamemakers." I say, my voice only barely wavering. As a response I get a blanketed "What?" from the shocked members of the table. Haymitch shakes his head, but has a mischievous smile on his face.
"From the top Sweetheart." He demands. I explain everything that happened and when I am done Haymitch looks proud. Effie tells me it serves them right for ignoring me just because I am from District Twelve. She looks around nervously for a second then relaxes into her usual state of up-tightness.
"What will they do? Will they hurt my family? Arrest me?" I ask nervously.
"No. They can't divulge any information so all of those would be too much of a hassle they will just make your life a living hell in the arena." Haymitch tells me. I calm some, as long as Prim is okay, so am I.
"Didn't they already promise us that anyways?" I ask sarcastically. Haymitch howls a dark laugh. Farve shakes his head and the others sit there unsure of how to respond.
That night we sit and watch the scores. I sit tightly in between Cinna and Haymitch. I am not sure why, but I am comforted by being near them. Haymitch reminds me of home in some weird way and Cinna is always so calm it helps my own jitters. The Careers all score very well in the 8-10 range. Everyone else is in the 4-7 range with the exception of Thresh, the boy from Eleven, he got a 10 and. Rue did well scoring a 7. Farve received a 3 as we suspected he did nothing to impress the judges. The shock though was me. I got an 11. Haymitch hoots loudly and clasp me tightly. Cinna hugs me softly and everyone offers me congratulations. I am so stunned I sit there with my mouth open.
During the interview the next day the other tributes played the parts I was sure they would. Glimmer, the girl from One was sexy. Cato and Clove from Two were sociopaths. The girl from Five, Fox-face as I had started calling her, was crafty. Thresh was a beast. Rue was adorable. Farve was, well he just sat there and refused to answer questions or look at anyone. I did my best to follow Cinna's advice to be myself, but a happier version. I guess it was the nerves because I twirled and giggled two things I wasn't sure I knew how to do. I got a huge applause; the people of the Capitol must really be eating me up.
That night I say goodbye to Haymitch and Effie. They have to leave to go to the mentor center for the game and secure more sponsors for me. I think they gave up on the boy who has given up on himself. They focus solely on me now.
The next morning Cinna wakes me and takes me to the roof where we load a hovercraft. I am injected with a tracking chip and Cinna has me shower and change into the clothes I will be wearing in the arena. He makes sure I eat, even though I only pick at my food, I am too nervous. And he makes sure I drink. He tells me if he were allowed he would be betting on me. And that seems to calm me, knowing I have his confidence. I load myself into the glass cylinder that will take me into the arena.
I stand, sixty second on my disk and when the gong sounds that the games have begun I run to the nearest back pack. I pause for just a second as I see Farve walk up to Cato, holding out his arms practically begging Cato to kill him. Cato happily obliges. During this time a boy from eight tries to grab the bag out of my hands and as we wrestle for it, Clove sends a knife into his back, his blood shooting onto my face. I quickly shove his corpse off of me and take the bag, running towards the woods. Clove sends a knife at me, but my hunters ears allow me to hear it and I pull the bag up to protect my head. The knife sticks into my bag and I turn around and smile a snide thank you to Clove.
I run until I can't run anymore. Once I feel I am far enough away from all the other tributes I look in my bag. I have a water bottle, but no water, Iodine to purify water, rope, twine, a small fist aid kit, a sleeping bag and some dark glasses. I then think about Rue. I had not seen her at the cornucopia and pray she had gotten away. I am sure she had. She is smarter than the Careers will ever give her credit for.
I was hoping to have gotten the bow and arrow I had seen, but Glimmer had gotten to them first. I will be able to make do for now with a knife and twine, but hopefully I will get my bow since I know I will not have a chance physically against any of the other tributes without it.
I search for water for what feels like days. At night I sleep high in a tree. A girl starts a fire close to where I am camped up high in a tree and the Careers find her and kill her. They pass by me several times, shouting angry words about me. They are looking for me, but seem to be looking everywhere but up, thankfully.
Finally, after asking Haymitch for water and being denied, I figured it is probably because water is near by; I stumble/crawl onto a stream. I fill my bottle with water and add some iodine. I wait for what feels like forever, but probably isn't long enough, to drink. I drink hungrily and when I have had my fill I refill the bottle and clean myself some in the stream. I get a squirrel and cook it on the hot stones by the bank of the stream. I hope it cooks the meat enough; I would hate to die from food poisoning. I don't want to start a fire as it would signal the Careers to where I am.
I am suddenly awoken by the smell of a fire one night. I look around and notice a large wall of flames coming towards me. I quickly get myself down and out of the tree and take off in the direction of the animals. Haymitch was right, the gamemakers are after me. Fire balls are being shot at me while I run away from the fire. I am not quick enough for one and it sears my leg. I quickly place my hands over the burning spot on my leg without thinking to smother the flame. As fast as the fire started it disappears. I find myself dry heaving from the smoke inhalation and eventually wear myself out as I fall into a cool stream trying to subside my burning hands and leg. (Cinna told me he cried because it was his fault this was happening, he presented me as the girl on fire and the gamemakers were making sure I was.)
I am drifting off into an exhausted slumber from the mere shock to my system, when I hear people coming. I force myself to wake and look up just in time to see the Career pack heading my way. I stumble my way back through some trees and scurry up one. My hands and leg are killing me as I grab hold of the branches. I finally get far enough where I don't feel like I am in immediate danger from them.
"How are you doing?" I call down. I know this is a show and even though it may be stupid to taunt them, I do it anyway.
"We're fine. How have you been?" Cato calls back, a sinister sneer plastered on his face.
"It's been a little hot for my liking." I respond coolly smirking at my wittiness.
"Why don't you come down?" Cato calls back, licking his lips as if he is expecting his dinner.
"No I'm good…you can come up if you would like." I say tauntingly. I know their body masses will not be held be the tree and I can still climb higher, they are not aware of this though.
"I think I may." Cato starts to climb the tree. I climb a bit higher just to be safe. I hear a loud crack and Cato is on the ground with a loud thud. Glimmer rolls her eyes at him and she starts to climb up. She only gets slightly higher before she falls to the ground too. Irritated that they can not reach me Glimmer tries to shoot me, but misses by a long shot. I climb to where the arrow landed and grab it.
"Missing something?" I hold it up tauntingly. The people of the Capitol must really be enjoying this show.
Finally the girl from District Four tells them that they should just camp out at the bottom of the tree since I can't get down without them noticing anyway. They argue over the stupidest things. I wonder how long it will be before they just start killing each other off. As the anthem plays that night I see two white eyes beckoning me to pay attention. It is Rue. She points above my head and I see a tracker jacker nest. I start to saw away at the branch it is on with my knife. My hands are bleeding from the burns. When the anthem goes off, I stop I do not want them to hear me. I go back down to my perch and will wait until morning to finish.
A white parachute with a silver box drops near me. I grab it and open it. Inside is some burn ointment. I apply it to my hands and legs and the effect is immediate. In the early morning hours I see that all of the Careers have drifted off, Glimmer failed at her post to stay awake. I finish sawing the branch and it drops down on them. I get stung by three of them and quickly pull the stingers out before the wounds swell over. I climb out of the tree. Cato, Marvel and Clove had taken off to the nearby stream. Glimmer and the girl from District Four were on the ground dead. I try to pull the bow and arrow out of Glimmer's swollen green hands. The tracker jacker venom has taken its effect on me and I am not sure if I am hallucinating or not. I finally manage to get it and stumble off in another direction. I fall in a small clearing and pass out. I have nightmares constantly about my father's mine accident, about Gale and Prim and about the games. When I come to, Rue is sitting near me looking after me. She has placed chewed up leaves on my tracker jacker wounds.
"Thanks." I say. She nods timidly. "How long was I out?" I ask.
"Two days." She says.
"Allies?" I ask. Again she nods and we shake on it. We hunt and forage for some food. And as we eat our dinner she catches me up on what I missed and we talk about our homes. I am under the impression that not all of the Districts have as easy going Peacekeepers as we do. I don't remember the last time someone was whipped or shot, but in Eleven it happens all the time. She tells me about the Career's food and supply pile and I get a wickedly good idea. I whisper in her ear my idea to destroy it and how we will distract them so I can. She agrees and the next morning we get started. We set up three fire sites with lots of green wood to make more smoke. I head to the lake where they have their supplies and Rue starts the fire on the first site and moves among the trees to the next one.
When I get to the Career's camp I see Fox-face leap around trying to miss certain marks on her way to the goods. She is very clever. Somehow she has figured out their code. I figure out that it is mined and that my best bet is to set off all of the mines at once if I want to destroy all of the food. I shoot one, two, three arrows and rip open a bag of apples that tumble down the pile setting off a chain reaction of the mines. Everything is blown to bits and I am blown backwards. I scramble back to my hiding place. I can't hear out of my left ear and am off balance. I see the Careers run back to their camp. It is funny to watch Cato's mind break. He throws a massive fit and snaps the neck of the boy from Three who set up the mines. The Careers take off again to search for whoever blew their supplies to bits. I eventually regain some hearing and balance and make my way to Rue's and my meeting place. (Haymitch and Finnick had told me once after the games that this was truly one of the best plays in game history.)
She isn't there and I sing out our signal. I check the last fire site and notice it hasn't been lit. I start to panic. I hear her young voice scream out for me and I run towards it. When I get there I see her trapped in a net and Marvel thrusting a spear in her stomach. I shoot him in the neck before he can even turn around and look at me. His cannon sounds instantaneously. I cut Rue down and hold her head in my lap, trying to give her comfort.
"Did you get their supplies?" She asks.
"Yes, I blew up every last bit of it." I say. She smiles at me.
"Promise me you will win." She pleads.
"I promise." I tell her, a tear falling down my cheek.
"Sing for me." She barely whispers as she is drifting off into death.
I sing for her. It comes out choked from my tears. And when I finish, her cannon sounds and I close her eyes and lay flowers around her body. I take her pack and place it with my things and cry over her for another minute. When I get up, I collect my things and give her the same goodbye the people of District Twelve gave me. I run off and start crying in a tree to myself. I feel like a small piece of me has been ripped out. Another parachute falls to me and I open it and find bread that Rue had told me about. It is the bread of District Eleven. Before I eat it I look to the sky, "Thank you District Eleven. I am sorry for your daughter." I say before I take a bite and eat it with salty tears streaming down my face. After that I become numb to the games. I hunt for food and make sure I drink enough water. I lose track of who has died and when a feast is called I don't think twice about going.
I get there early and see Fox-face leaving the inside of the cornucopia to get her bag from the table. I run to get mine and am tackled by Clove. We wrestle and she throws insults at Rue. Thresh hears and he beats her to death with a rock. He tells me we are even. I run off back to the woods. I watch from the edge as Thresh and Cato battle. Cato eventually wins after hours, but two cannons sound and I am confused as to what Fox-face died from. (I found out later she ate the wrong kind of berry in the woods, nightlock.)
The next day, Cato and I are driven to the cornucopia by hungry wolf looking mutts. We climb up and are at a stalemate. He finally makes the first move towards me but slides off instead. I hear his screams and pleas. I lean over the edge and see his blue eyes for once look human. I send an arrow through his head to end his misery. I am not joyous over winning. I sit on top of the cornucopia and cry. I am announced the winner and when the hovercraft comes I still do not move. I sit and cry for all of the pointless bloodshed. An attendant has to come down to carry me into the hovercraft.
This, Haymitch tells me, is the point in which the people of the districts finally made me their symbol, it is the fact that I had won, but refused to acknowledge it. I was so overcome with sadness for the ones who had died that I could not even care that I was alive. I brought humanity to the games. I was not a happy, ruthless victor. I was a saddened, broken victor. I really didn't believe I deserved to live anymore than anyone else in the games.
Finnick comes into Katniss's bunk and sees her silently crying. He lifts her up some and lets her continue to lie in his lap while he strokes her hair. Finally she opens her eyes with a gasps. "Where are we?" She asks a little dazed. She felt like she was still sitting on the Cornucopia crying for the children who died instead of her.
"We are in Two little flower. What is wrong?" He asks seriously concerned, she is not one to cry too often.
"I was in the games. I just feels so….guilty for living sometimes." She says with her breath still shaking.
"You should never feel guilty…it's their fault and that is what we are fighting against so no one will ever have to be put in that situation again." He tells her gently. He understands the guilt, but no one has ever talked about it. She is the first victor to actually show it.
She starts to feel nauseous and runs to the small bathroom in the hall. She throws up and Finnick follows her to help her back to her bed. She is tired and wants to sleep. They do and in the morning she is sick again. She isn't running a fever so she brushes it off as stress. Finnick buys it, but not everyone does, but no one says anything.