Chapter 13- Just One Last Push

Note: Thanks for all the follows and reviews everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter, please pay close attention to this one as it will jump back and forth in time quite a bit and lay the groundwork for future chapters! Thanks for your continued support, I appreciate it and look forward to your feedback.

August 15th, 1965

"Come on Lana, push down, push down."

"Ahhhhh!" Lana screamed, squeezing the nurse's hand tightly as she pushed. She pulled away and grabbed the nurse's arm again, squeezing even tighter when the next contraction came. "Ahhhhhhhhh!"

Lana had been in labor for twenty-six hours and was in excruciating pain, emotionally and physically. She hadn't dreamed it would take nearly this long to give birth to Bloodyface's baby and get it out of her life forever. The last twenty-six hours had been a personal hell for her. She'd spent them, not only in pain, but mentally reliving the nightmare she'd endured at Oliver's hands and now that she was nearing the end, the anguish was getting to be too much for her.

"Ahhhh! My God make it stop, make it stop! Please make it stop!" Lana gasped, shutting her eyes, she winced and opened them quickly.

"Lana, hang on sweetie pie! Hang on, worse is almost over." Her doctor reassured her.

Lana couldn't face the reality of what was happening and was having a hard time looking around the delivery room. She shouldn't be having this baby. At this point; she was desperate to get away; but she was captive. She'd been captive once before…nine months ago and deep down, she knew that being captive was driving her crazy and stirring up memories of things she thought she'd been beginning to shut away.

Each time someone touched her, or a contraction rocked her pelvis, she thought of Oliver and the many sickening ways he'd violated her. When labor first began, Lana had turned to closing her eyes as a means of escape, and a way to bear through the pain while she breathed: but that had been her mistake.

With her eyes open she had to face what was happening and bear through the pain, which was bad enough. Presently, Lana wasn't sure which pain was worse, the pain of being raped by Oliver, which had been very painful in its self, or the pain of bringing his demon spawn into the world, which felt as if it was tearing her in half. With her eyes closed, which they were more often now that she was pushing, all she could see was Oliver on top of her. And so for the last twenty-six hours, every time she closed her eyes, just to ease the pain, she saw Oliver violating her.

It didn't help that the rhythm and pain of her contractions matched the painful memories of her rape. Now, after many, many hours of pain, confusion and horror, Lana was beginning to not know what was what. Delusional and covered in sweat, her eyes, open, or closed she could see Oliver. The lines between memory and reality were exceptionally blurred for her.

"Ahhhh!" She cried, shaking her head "Get off me! Stop touching me!"

"It's almost over." The doctor soothed, in the past few moments she'd begun to understand that Lana was very clearly upset about something more than the pain. "You've just got a few more pushes before beautiful baby's out and you get to see him!" Her doctor reassured.

"I told you I don't wanna see him!" Lana yelled, she was sobbing.

That was the problem: Lana even thought that perhaps this was why the labor was taking so long, some part of her was holding back from giving birth because she still couldn't face what had happened. She didn't want any contact with this baby: she didn't want to see it, hear it cry or certainly hold it. She'd even previously asked that they not tell her what it was once it was born.

"Just get him out of me! And get him away from me! Ahhhhhhh!" Lana screamed, pushing down again.

….

5 years later, August 15th, 1970

"Mommy! Mommy wake up!" Linnea urged happily as she climbed onto her Mother's bed, effectively jolting her awake. Lana blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the light.

"Hi my Linnea. You know what day it is?" Lana yawned.

"My birfday!"

Lana could not believe that five whole years had passed since Linnea's birth. So much had changed. The world was a different place, and she was a different person. Lana looked back, on the morning of her precious daughter's fifth birthday, with such shame about the way she'd acted during Linnea's birth. In hindsight, she wished she would've taken that baby in her arms and given her a great big kiss the moment she was born. She was so thankful that she'd been asked to nurse her baby and ended up taking her home. Lana couldn't imagine her life without Linnea now. And she certainly didn't want to even think about where Linnea would be she hadn't taken her.

"Yes, your birfday." Lana smiled. "How old are you?"

"Five." Linnea giggled proudly, showing her mother five fingers. Lana laughed, taking Linnea into her arms and hugging her.

"You know what? I was just thinking about when you were born." She said. Linnea tilted her head; listening carefully. "When you came out of my tummy." Lana explained, sniffling. "Oh Linnea, you know what? I couldn't imagine my life without you."

"Mommy are you sad?" Linnea was confused. She was hurt by the idea that she made her Mom feel sad.

"No, Mommy's real happy." Lana explained. "Sometimes people cry when they're happy too not just when they're sad. Five's a big year, you and I've come a long way." She said, kissing the girl's forehead.

Lana paused, burring her face momentarily in Linnea's long dark brown hair as she hugged her. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek and onto her daughter's head. Linnea had no idea how far she'd come in her five short years of life, what she'd really been through, or even what she faced. Looking back, it all amazed Lana so much. Linnea had been inside her, under her heart while she was still in Briarcliff, while she'd tried to get the police to investigate Briarcliff and expose it for what it really was. And then of course, they'd been on the run, together for five years now, nothing bonds you to another person like that. Lana had never thought, when she started that they would last this long without Oliver getting to them.

In a sense, Lana realized that she was overprotective of Linnea because of Oliver and the fact that he was still out there looking for them. Even now, she remained panicked and overwhelmed by the idea that he came so close to being able to take the little girl from her, twice now. After the second time, she thought her fear over this was probably permanent even though they were in such a secluded place (they'd returned to their former residence in rural Georgia) and had not heard from Oliver in over two years.

This morning Lana took the time to hug her Linnea in thankfulness. She couldn't believe that after everything: they were together, that they were a family, and that the little girl that she had so desperately wanted to get rid of at one time was so wonderful. It all made her feel so simultaneously blessed and guilty.

"Thank you so much my baby." Lana said.

"What'd I do?" Linnea asked curiously.

"You don't know it now, but one day I think you'll come to understand. Your whole little life, you've been Mommy's reason…for everything she does even for living." Lana said. It was clear to her that Linnea didn't quite know what this met and Lana didn't necessarily mean for it to. The little girl's already big brown eyes widened with great surprise as she tried to take in what she was saying. Linnea smiled suddenly and sighed, hugging her Mom tightly and placing her head on her chest.

"That's nice Mommy. You're my reason too."

Lana was touched by this and froze, not really knowing what to say…no one had said anything like that to her since…well since Wendy would've and she thought it was going to make her cry again.

"Oh honey that just makes you all the more Mommy's reason." Lana laughed. "Are you ready to do some birthday stuff? We can do whatever you want." Lana said, sitting up in bed, causing Linnea to do the same. The girl nodded and became excited; quickly and fully returning her attention to the fact that it was her birthday.

"Can we go out for breakfast?"

"Yeah." Lana smiled, knowing immediately what she was getting at.

"And have ice cream for breakfast Mommy?" Linnea asked.

"Now that, sounds like an excellent idea. If I do say so myself."

….

August 15th, 1970

Oliver stayed in that day, away from the hot August sun. He was living in the middle of nowhere, in the dry New Mexico desert. He smiled brightly as he looked at the little picture in his hand, sad that it was now wrinkled and warn from being looked at so much. Oliver was even sadder at the thought that the girl had aged so much since the picture was taken and he had no idea what the now five year old really looked like.

"Happy Birthday my Linnea. Wherever you are, Daddy loves you."

Oliver was always sad on Linnea's birthday. It was a day of quandaries for him. He was happy that she was alive; that she'd been born at all and that Lana's attempts to abort her had failed; at the same time, he was obviously upset that he didn't get to be part of her life. At least, he'd killed the man who kept them apart, who, as it turned out, was not the Zodiac at all.

Oliver remembered that night, two years before, perfectly. After being chased through the city, he'd gone to Lana's to get his daughter and when he discovered that they were gone; he'd stayed there for the night. Oliver awoke not long before sunrise. He'd cried himself to sleep laying in his daughter's little bed. Now that morning had nearly arrived; he scolded himself for being so sensitive before and started to pull himself together. Now, time was of the essence and he had to get out of there. He'd been thinking about it since he saw himself in the paper the morning before. With his eye patch; he couldn't as easily conceal his identity and that was going to make it much more difficult for him to escape.

It was four-thirty in the morning when Oliver made his way down Lana's backstairs for the first time, carrying with him the most precious memento he could've ever found: his daughter's picture. He was extremely excited about having found a picture of his baby; it was a way to remember her without having to imprint her on his heart, not that he wouldn't anyway…this way, he wouldn't have to struggle to remember every detail as time passed.

Oliver sighed when he reached the bottom of the stairs. He took the little picture and zipped it safely in his jacket pocket. It was still early in the morning; he planned on sneaking into the boarding house to retrieve some of his possessions. From there he'd take a short ferry ride across the bay, which would bring him too close to Alcatraz for his comfort…but it would also bring freedom. The other side of the bay was much different than the city. An affluent area, it was also remote and at times densely wooded. He'd been there a couple of times, and the area reminded him of the place where he'd made his home in Boston. Oliver knew it was, in the very least, the perfect direction for him to run and while he'd like to stay, he realized that continuing to run once he arrived was the best decision he could make. Oliver had decided that he would go to Oregon and live on the outskirts of some town no one had ever heard of, at least for a while.

"Hey, hey Bloodyface!" Oliver's heart jumped when he heard a voice. He turned on his heals to face the man that he and Lana thought was the Zodiac.

"I understand the police were looking for you last night." Oliver said slyly, he took something out of his jacket pocket and put it in his mouth. "Tic-tac?" He asked, reaching into his jacket again and kindly extending a container full of mints.

The 'Zodiac' looked on with wide eyes, barely believing what he was seeing at first. He did a double take as Oliver shook the container and reiterated his offer. 'Was that…bone?' He wondered. The 'Zodiac' wasn't sure, but he was in fact seeing a mint container made out of hollowed out bone. Hesitantly he extended his palm, unable to hide that it was shaking a little bit. Oliver smiled as he poured a couple of tic-tacs into the other man's hand.

"There you go." Oliver smiled. "Nobody can resist a good mint." Oliver put another couple of mints in his mouth, allowing time for the 'Zodiac' to turn and begin to walk away.

Before, he'd understood that Oliver was in fact, Bloodyface, but he hadn't fully realized how insane that met he was. Hollowed out bone…as a case used to carry mints? While he was not really the 'Zodiac' as he had allowed Oliver to believe, he was a hardened criminal who was wanted by police, which was why he'd put Oliver on the hook last night and had a fun time watching from a distance as the police hunted him…hardened criminal or not, the idea of hollowed out bone shook him to the core and reminded him of Oliver's earlier threat to skin him, which he'd previously thought was just a bluff. Now he realized he couldn't be more wrong, so he calmly began to walk away. But turning his back on Thredson was the biggest tactical error he ever could've made. One moment he was facing the street and could hear the hum of traffic in the distance the next: cold, black, dark.

Oliver knelt down in the ally and smiled as he surveyed his victim's bruised face. He had hit him in the back of the head with a fire extinguisher he'd found nearby.

"He's alive." Oliver smiled, whispering to himself, his fingers pressed against the man's pulse. "Good." He said. "You're the man who hurt a child, a man who kept me from my child…and I'm glad you're going to feel every bit of this."

…

August 16th, 1970

In the two years since they'd left San Francisco Oliver's trail had gone completely eerily quiet. There had been rumors that he'd been seen in random places all over the country, like Reno, Buffalo and Trenton, New Jersey. But all those leads had turned out to be false and in reality, he'd not been seen or heard from since the night that the police chased him through San Francisco. The authorities considered him at large and while they were searching for him, they did so without any real effort, in part due to the fact, that he could really be anywhere. Lana had spent the past two years in a mixed emotional state. It was a strange combination of being on edge all the time because he was out there, and at perfect peace because he wasn't there with them.

It was the day after Linnea's birthday and it was sweltering outside. Lana and Linnea took shelter from the heat inside their little house, with the fan blasting and all the curtains shut. Linnea played on the floor with some of her new toys and Lana sat at her desk, working eagerly on the piece she was writing. When they'd returned to Catsfield, Georgia, two years before, Lana had begun working for the town's small paper as a Reporter. It was a small job, not like anything she'd dreamed of doing. It certainly wasn't the Pulitzer, but it was something. Lana was thankful that the stories she got to write were at least of better quality than the ones that she'd been forced to write in Boston. She was no longer relegated to the cooking column, for example, and once in a great while she got to make a trip to Atlanta, usually as a political correspondent.

All was quiet except for Linnea's little whispers as she played quietly on her own. Lana looked down at her and smiled every once in a while and then went back to her work. Very suddenly there was a knock on the door that caused Mother and daughter to both jump. Linnea watched her Mother carefully as she crossed the room to look through the window to see who was outside, observing that her Mother was shaking just a little.

"Mommy?" Linnea whispered.

"Shu sweetie…shu…" Linnea said nothing, but had wanted to ask her Mother why she shook every time someone knocked on their door She knew it wasn't normal. "Linnea, go to the bedroom, take your toys with you."

"Awe…" She was disappointed.

"No awes, go." Linnea sighed. Her mother was almost never strict with her and when her tone turned that way she knew she had to obey expediently.

Linnea went in the bedroom they shared and shut the door just about the same time her Mother opened the front door.

"What are you gentlemen doing here?" Lana asked, crossing her arms. "Last time one of you was here I almost ran you off my property with rose clippers."

Lana was floored that the DA from Boston, the man she'd chased off her lawn and one other man, who she presumed to also be an attorney, were standing on her porch.

"Do you have some news from me?" She asked, hoping they'd found Oliver.

"Ms. Winters, it's very important we talk to you about the case. I'm Preston Carter, the District Attorney for the city of Boston and…"

"I know who you are." She told him.

"May we come in?" The third man questioned.

"Have you found him?" Lana whispered.

"No Ms. Winters…but we're working on the case, can we speak with you, please?" Preston asked again. Lana sighed.

"Alright, but be quiet, don't be too detailed, and please be quick; my daughter's in the next room and I don't want her to know what this is about."

Lana was surprised that she let all these lawyers into her home, especially after she'd practically run one of them off her property before…but her experience with Oliver in San Francisco made her see everything a little differently and now she was more willing to speak with them.

"We're very surprised you agreed to see us Ms. Winters." Clifton Anderson, offered. He was one of the prosecuting attorneys, the one who she'd thrown out of her yard well over a year before when he came there to speak with her. He was more surprised than anyone that she had changed her mind and allowed in the house. In addition to surprised, he was a little intimidated by her.

Lana looked around the table, carefully eyeing the three men who'd come to interview her. She swallowed nervously feeling the lump in her throat dissipate as she remembered how long she'd been waiting for this…for someone to actually listen to her story, the police never really had. It should be a relief to begin to tell her story and she had to think of it in those terms.

"Before I begin." Lana said, ignoring Clifton. "Please promise me that you'll listen….the police you know…not very good at listening. Not in Boston, or in San Francisco. They're kind of a skeptical bunch who lean on their own understanding." Preston Carter, the District Attorney of Boston, nodded as she said this, not realizing that he wasn't much different. "…And second, once you listen. You've got to go and get him. For real this time. I know you're not that committed to finding him…but he's a psychopath…just because we haven't heard from him in over two years, doesn't mean that…"

"Ms. Winters, its not fair to say that we're not committed to finding him." Preston told her. Lana laughed.

"It's been two years! What do you think he's doing wherever he is Mr. Carter?"

"Well obviously he's hiding he's…"

"No." Lana said. "He's not just hiding. That's what you don't get. He's recovering. He's gearing up for the next battle. "

Lana knew this because it was exactly what she was in the midst of doing. Somewhere deep inside, she knew, without question that he would emerge from nowhere one day to battle with her and her alone. She didn't know if it would be today, tomorrow, or even five years from then. All she knew was that when the time came, she'd be ready for him.

"Ms. Winters, that's our chief aim, to get him out of society and we're here to ask you about…"

"Do you know what he was after in San Francisco?" Before they discussed anything else, Lana wanted them to know what he'd been after this whole time because it was the thing that kept him on the run.

"What?" The DA asked and looked at his colleagues, clearly confused by what she was asking.

"Do you know what he was after in San Francisco?" Lana asked again.

It was the DA's understanding, after all, that Oliver was simply after his own freedom, and the ability to continue committing crimes against women. That was one of the reasons that the case had not gone further than it did while Oliver was in custody, he'd wanted to try Oliver, but for all the wrong reasons. He didn't understand his unique and highly disturbed psyche.

"I do." Hayden Thomas, Oliver's attorney, said quietly and Lana looked over at him in surprise. "There's only one thing Oliver really wants. That's why you're here, in the middle of no where, right Ms. Winters?"

"Yes." She said quietly; a little suspicious that he seemed to understand.

"It's why you never finished what you set out to do…it's why you never published your book."

"I never published my book for that reason and because the story isn't finished Mr. Thomas. And it's also why I kept her in the first place." Lana admitted quietly. It pained her to say this but she had to; it conveyed the full extent of the danger Oliver presented to Linnea.

"Mommy, Mommy…can I come out now?" Linnea asked, coming out of the bedroom where her Mother had told her to stay. She stopped when she saw all the men sitting there in suits and her eyes grew wide.

"Shu honey its okay…Linnea I told you to stay in the bedroom and play quietly for a little while." Lana said kindly. "Excuse me, I'll be right back." Lana got up and took her five-year-old by the hand. "Come on sweetie, Mommy's busy, but just for a few more minutes."

Preston Carter paused and looked down at the child, studying her very carefully as her Mother took her into the other room. He'd been hearing about this little girl for five years now but this was the first time that he'd seen her. It wasn't often that his cases became real to him in quite this way. Everyone working this case knew that Linnea was a unique little girl, conceived in hate, and yet completely protected by a Mother's love. Most children with a background like hers were abandoned by their Mothers without a second thought. He'd never understood why Ms. Winters, in particular, had kept her baby. From what he knew of Lana, he would've figured she would actually have been among the first to abandon her child and he always wondered why she hadn't…but now he understood. Seeing her made something suddenly click.

"Oh." He said quietly when Lana sat back down at the table. "That's why…"

"That's why. I know you came to talk to me about the evidence but in order to find him, to try him and understand who he is, you need to understand that more than anything in the world; he wants my daughter. It's why he stays out there. To find her and to find me and even if you're not committed to finding him, even if he stays out there forever, you should know, he's getting my little girl over my dead body."

"I guessed that…you already shot him once." Hayden pointed out; he too wished that Oliver would've succumbed to the wounds from Lana's gunshot.

"Yes. It's just too bad I missed." In truth, Oliver would've been dead had the bullet gone an inch in any direction. He was just remarkably lucky.

"The truth is, if he stays out of there; it really will be over my dead body, and I think you know that, so, gentlemen lets make this quick and get on to the questions."

"Well, we wanted to talk first about the tape you made." One of them said.

He pulled a tape recorder out of the briefcase he brought and sat it on the table, Lana's eyes widened and she stared as he took the tape out of the case too and sat it inside the recorder. Her eyes tracked it all along the way; there was the tape, the ticket that had earned her and Kit their freedom. She had so fiercely protected it while at Briarcliff and then given it up to police when she was released. Lana immediately reach out when one of them pressed play on the recorder and she quickly stopped it before it could even begin.

"No." She said. "My little girl can never ever hear that tape. You can ask me anything you need…but you cannot play that tape."

That was another reason Lana had not continued with her book…she didn't want Linnea to know who she really was. Now that she knew Linnea, and that she was so wonderful. She had been wrong…her baby was not a monster, and she believed now more than ever that no baby deserved to grow up knowing that Daddy was Bloodyface.

By the end of their meeting; Lana agreed that shed come to Boston and testify when they found Oliver…if they ever did. Lana was relieved when they left. The men said their good-byes and she watched them make their way down the long dirt gravel road. One of them, Hayden Thomas, lingered behind and looked over at Lana kindly but sadly.

"You're his attorney." She commented, folding her arms and leaning against the entryway of her little house. "How do you do it? Why do you do it?"

"It isn't easy. I'll admit there's a little bit of personal vanity to it. I'm in this because it's a high profile case and who wouldn't want one of those?"

"I know a thing or two about that." Lana admitted quietly, referring to why she went to Briarcliff in the first place. He understood immediately.

"I'm not there to try to tell you that he's a good guy or that he's innocent or that he should get off the hook. I'm just there to make sure that he gets a fair trial. That's my real job."

"He doesn't even deserve that." Lana scoffed.

"As a lawyer, I have to believe that he does." Hayden frowned at this, letting her know that he didn't really like the idea any more than she did. "I'm sorry for what he did to you Ms. Winters…I know that can't mean anything to you, but I've spent a lot of time with Oliver…maybe even more than you. And I know him well, and I know everything that happened I wanted to let you know that while we came down here to get your help I wish there was something I could do for you…and your daughter…." He said, he reached into his jacket pocket and took out his business card. "Here." He said, handing it to her. "If there's ever anything I can do; please let me know."

Lana looked it over a couple of times but didn't really say much of anything. Hayden smiled, realizing that he couldn't possibly truly understand how she felt about all of this. He turned to walk away but then stopped again.

"Ms. Winters…I know you have one hell of a story to tell and it doesn't need to be over for you to tell it. What are you waiting for? It'll be a best seller, it'll bring down Briarcliff, which by the way, is a worse cesspool today than it ever was when you were in there." Lana's head snapped up when he said this, wondering what he met. "And most importantly it'll hang Oliver. So don't wait for us to find him…tell the world who he is." Hayden said nothing more and tipped his hat to her in a very sweet but old fashioned sort of way before continuing down the road well behind his colleagues.

…..

August 15th, 1965

"Lana it's okay you're doing real well I promise." The doctor told her. "Come on, one last push Lana and you'll be done."

Lana took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut. She wanted to be done with this now and forever. She readjusted her hands on the arms of the nurses on either side of her, pinching them even harder now as she began to push again. Later it would amaze her just how much they'd let her pinch them.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!"

Lana was lost in her own scream and didn't realize that the baby had begun to scream too. Its cry very quickly overtook the air space in the room. Lana was almost sickened when she first heard it begin to wail. The cry echoed and called out almost as if the baby were desperate for acknowledgement, to be known and loved and not forgotten. Lana laid back and took a deep breath, panting for air, trying desperately to calm down and catch her breath after twenty-six hours of excruciating pain.

"Lana." The doctor said over the baby's wailing.

Lana could tell that the doctor was pleased by the tone of her voice. She was just thankful that it was over and wanted to be left alone to recover now.

"Lana it's a baby girl." The doctor smiled.

"I told you I don't wanna see her!" Lana cried.

The doctor didn't listen and instead, placed the sobbing newborn baby on Lana's chest. Lana wasn't looking she but felt the weight of the baby when it was placed on her chest. The very warm, wailing little person wasn't something that could easily be ignored. Lana gasped, choking on her last tears as she looked down at the baby. It was very tiny, red and wrinkly. Lana gave the girl a cursory glance, she couldn't handle anything beyond that, she didn't want to see Oliver in this child. The idea of seeing the two of them personified in one being was too much for her to handle and she couldn't face it.

"No! No!" She cried. "Just go, just take her!"

"But Lana!" Her doctor protested. "She wants to see her Mommy…"

"I'm NOT her Mother! Take her!" Lana cried as she began to sob. She pushed the baby away, back into the doctor's arms, closing her eyes so she wouldn't have to see it again.

"Okay Lana, she's a pretty girl, I'm sorry that's the way you feel." The doctor said, she handed the newborn baby to a nurse who quickly took her out of the room, and the infant's cries faded as she was transported down the hall.

…..

September 6th, 1970

"Ha!" Lana sat up in bed, covered in sweat once again, she looked over toward the window, catching her breath, realizing that the noise that had woken her up was only a branch moving in the wind and hitting the window.

She looked over at Linnea who slept quietly and peacefully. Lana was jealous she never got a night's rest anymore. When she first went to Georgia, Oliver became a distant fear, something she wanted to stay away from forever…only now, Oliver was not a distant thing. After San Francisco, he and everything he'd done to her was infinitely real all over again. She knew that he could pop up in a moment's notice and change their lives forever, putting her and Linnea in real mortal danger.

She was reminded of it all night after night in her sleep when he came and haunted her in her dreams, even of Linnea's birth. And it would seem that the visit she'd had from the attorneys a couple of weeks before had intensified this because she'd barely slept since then.

Lana lye back down and closed her eyes, trying in vain, to sleep. But it seemed that closing her eyes was just an invitation for her mind to run wild, and an opportunity to see more things she couldn't stand to see. Aside from Oliver, she couldn't stop thinking of his lawyer's words to her: "What are you waiting for?" He'd asked, and he was right. What was she waiting for? For Oliver to strike first? To give him an unfair advantage. Lana hadn't realized that in hiding like she was; she was just a sitting duck. She'd get through it and it would be a blessing...like Linnea's birth. She needed to strike: she needed to see what she started through to the end.