"Jo! Jo, get up! Hurry up, get up!" The first thing I hear is the screechy, annoying sound of Shane's voice followed by the hard clatter of his body diving down on my bed beside me. Is he fucking serious? "Waaake up, Jo!" As if yelling at me isn't enough, he puts his hands on my back and violently shakes me. "Come on, I have so much to tell you! Get up!" I zombiously reach over with my hand and grab my blue dolphin Pillow Pet and put it over my head. I'm not ready to wake up yet. It's the weekend, he needs to go back home. "NO, JO GET UP!" He pulls my blankets off my body, takes my Pillow Pet off my head and smacks me in the butt with it. "Josephine Leanne McKenna Wilson, get up!" Oh, he's using my full name now. He even threw my confirmation name in there too. "Come on… Come on, J. Please?"

"WHAT?!" I finally pick my head up off my pillow and glare at him. My hair fell out of the messy bun I put in it last night, my eyes are severely heavy, I think I feel the remnants of drool on my cheek and I'm really cranky. "IF I DON'T ANSWER YOU THE FIRST TIME WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M GONNA ANSWER YOU THE NEXT TEN THOUSAND?!" It's not the first time Shane's came over to wake me up on the weekends but this is the first time he's irritated me this badly. I usually end up thanking him for waking me up because if he doesn't, I won't get up until two in the afternoon. I probably won't thank him too much this time around. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"I have to tell you about my night!" He climbs over top of me to get to the free side of my bed and lies down on my pillow next to me. I hope he's lying in my drool spot. "Come on, look alive. It's eleven o'clock! I've been up since ten and I waited all the way until now to come tell you about it. I have so much to tell you about!"

"Please go fall in a hole." I pull my covers up to my neck and roll over onto my side. "Or go get hit by the ice cream truck, whichever comes first." I close my eyes again and try to ease myself back into falling asleep. I feel him reach across my body and he grabs onto something that I can't really feel. With one more movement, he gives my messy bun-turned-ponytail a hard yank. "YOU LITTLE SHIT."

"Come on, J! You gotta get up. You gotta let me tell you about my night."

"Start talking." I mumble and bury my face back inside my pillow. His night better have included him winning the freaking lottery because I could honestly kill him right now. I didn't fall asleep until two in the morning last night and I'm still really sleepy.

"Okay, so…" He hasn't even started his story and I can already tell he's gonna be talking for a while. "There are two parts. But I'll tell you the second part before I tell you the first part because the second part is the good news and the first part is the bad news. Okay?" I just nod my head and keep my face down inside my pillow. "So you know how you took me home last night before you went to Alex's? How you dropped me off then dropped the car off and went to Alex's?" I just nod again. "Well, when I got home, I called Leah to see if she wanted to come over so we could talk and spend some more time together. My mom was cool with it as long as she was gone by 12. So anyway, Leah came over and we were talking and stuff about school, the football game, our exes and all that stuff. Are you listening, J?" I give him another reassuring nod. "And one thing led to another and… I had sex with Leah last night."

WHAT? My head pops up from my pillow and I just look at him with squinted eyes. "You did WHAT with Leah?!"

"I told you to wake up for this one." The look on his face says it all. He's nothing short of satisfied and happy with himself. I'm glad he's pleased with his actions because I'm a little bit disgusted. He's been dating Leah for just as long as I've been "dating" Alex and he already had sex with her?! That tells me that Shane's a giant jerk and Leah's an easy whore. Maybe you're just a little bit jealous here, Jo. You haven't been laid in two years and your boyfriend won't even hug you. Maybe you're jealous; don't be so quick to judge. Shane puts his hands behind his head and smiles some more. "It was so crazy how it happened. We were just talking and we started kissing and then we just did it." He looks over at me. "It was good, too."

"You seriously screwed her last night? SERIOUSLY?" I'm honestly just shocked. I know Shane's been with lots of girls. Hell, he's been with enough for the both of us. I never did think that Shane was ugly but I never did see what all the other girls see in him. He must be packing below the belt or something because I don't think he's much special. "Do you know how stupid that was, Shane? Did you… did you at least wear a condom?"

"Nope." He shakes his head and continues to give me that goofy ass smile. "I pulled out though. And plus, she's on the pill. But it happened so fast that I didn't even have time to grab one."

"THEY'RE IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER, SHANE. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS REACH." I'm so upset with him right now I can't even think straight. "You're so stupid. You're so dumb. You barely even know her and you screwed her last night. Dude, you're thinking with your third leg. You're an ass."

"Come on, J. It's not like I called her over specifically for that." He starts pleading his case to me but there's honestly nothing he can say to me right now. I'm so mad at him. "We were just kissing and it just happened. It was all so quick. There wasn't any… foreplay or anything. It was like BAM, BAM. It was kissing then sex. Just like that. There wasn't even a transition thing. It was just like… from kissing to just full out doing it."

"Can't you just go a month without sex, though? It's not like you're a horny little teenaged boy that doesn't know where and WHEN to stick his thing inside something. You can easily control yourself when it comes to that. You could've at least dated her for a month before you slept with her."

"Jo, she was all over me! We were kissing and SHE started touching me! She was all over me and she WANTED it… so I just gave it to her. I couldn't say no to that!"

"You could've. You just didn't want to. You big jerk. I thought you were over that. I really did think you were done with having sex with every girl that you kiss. I thought you moved on from that."

"I don't have sex with every girl that I kiss, Jo. You're overreacting just a little."

"You do, Shane! As soon as a girl kisses you, you screw them! And don't even act like it's not true. Oral counts as sex too."

"I didn't have sex with you." He mumbles. "I don't know, you're overreacting J. It's not like I'm gonna break up with Leah now that I slept with her. I'm gonna stay with her because I really like her. It just happened. I don't think it should matter when I did it because it was gonna happen anyway. If you told me that you banged Alex last night, I wouldn't judge you for it. It's your body and it's your decision." I just shake my head and roll my eyes at him, which makes him throw his hands up in frustration. "Oh, I forgot, you don't have sex, Miss Priss." Now he's just making fun of me and I don't appreciate it in the least. "I forgot that I'm talking to little miss 'I don't get into any trouble'. It slipped my mind that you think sex is overrated, you think sex is gross and you don't even let guys get to first base with you."

"That is NOT fair, Shane. First of all, I'm NOT prissy. Just because I don't put out like a slut doesn't mean I'm stuck up and a prissy little bitch. It just means I have more respect for myself than sleeping with a guy I just got together with. I'm sorry, but I have standards, unlike your girlfriend."

"You've been doing a good job on the hypocrisy lately, Jojo." He gives me a very sarcastic thumbs-up. "Can you even remember the guy's name?"

"What guy?!"

"The guy you met, kissed and had sex with the same day. Do you remember his name? Or does that not apply to you, Miss Priss?"

"YOU DON'T GET TO USE THAT AGAINST ME. It was ONE time, you do it ALL the time."

"It's still the same thing! You didn't exactly make him take you out to dinner. You're… you're not as above me as you think you are, Jo. Period."

"I never said that! I never said I was above you… I never even said I was above Leah! I just said that I wouldn't choose to have sex with a guy I hardly knew. That's all."

"BUT YOU DID, JO! YOU DID!"

"ONE FUCKING TIME."

"It still counts. If you count it as losing your virginity, then it counts as actual sex. You're not as dainty, ladylike and goody-two-shoes as you think. And just because Leah's not a prude like you, doesn't mean that she's a whore. It just means that she's not a prissy little bitch that tries to act like she's better than everyone just because she only had sex once."

"…Why don't you just tell me how you really feel about me, Shane? Just tell me how you REALLY feel." I roll my eyes at him. "I never fucking said that I'm above anyone, and I know I'm NOT. I'm not prude, I just don't think it's cute to go around having casual sex with everyone that'll jump in the bed with you. I don't even know why you're making it such a big deal. It's okay for you to keep bringing up my ONE time mistake, but the second I talk about your MANY, we have to fight?"

"You wanna talk about mistakes, Jo? Okay, let's talk." He folds his hands and clears his throat. "Here's one. YOU. ARE. A. BITCH. Just like everybody thinks you are. You think that just because you're super smart and a little geek that you're just head and shoulders above everyone. You think you're oh so mature for a freshman that everybody should bow down to you. You try to act like you're all unique and rebellious when in reality, you're nothing more than a lonely little girl that WISHES she was as cool as everyone around her. Here's a dose of reality for you; you HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU JUST MET. You didn't even know his name! I DARED you to kiss him, you DID, you LET him take you back behind a damn pool shed and have SEX with you. You make mistakes too, Princess."

"…Oh fuck you, Shane. Really. Fuck you. If that's really how you feel about me, then get the hell out of my room. Get out of my bed, get out of my room, get out of my house, get out of my LIFE. I thought I could trust you but now you're acting like an asshole. You don't think I know all my mistakes? I DON'T THINK I'M BETTER THAN ANYONE AND I'M NOT PRISSY." I can't believe he really just said all of that to me. I wonder how long he's thought all of that about me. "I'm not… I'm not even suggesting that I'm better than anybody. And if you think that… if you think that I'm that stuck up, then the last thirteen years of being your friend are complete bullshit. You don't know me at all."

"Now you're going to turn all this back around on me; classic Jo move." He rolls his eyes at me and sighs. "If you don't think that you're a little bit stuck up, then you don't know yourself."

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe… just MAYBE I know myself better than you do? You're a real asshole, Shane. I tell you things… and I tell you things out of CONFIDENCE. I don't expect you to go back and mock me for things I tell you. You can go to hell for saying all of that. You're a real ass, and I'm really starting to hate you. I'm starting to hate being around you." I blink my eyes just once and tears stream down my cheeks and drop onto my pillow.

"…Look, J. I really didn't mean that. I didn't mean to call you a bitch and stuff, you just piss me off sometimes. You're basically judging me for having sex with Leah, and I don't think it's fair that you're doing that to me. You're telling me not to judge you because I'm your best friend, but in the same breath, you're calling me an idiot and a man-whore. How do you think that makes me feel to know that my best friend thinks I'm a jerk? I'm just saying… you were kind of being a prissy bitch by slut shaming Leah and calling me a jerk. And I really do feel like sometimes you think you're above me just because you have one body and I have like ten."

"Well that's not what I was saying at all." I sniff and wipe my eyes. "I was just saying that you made a jerk move. You really did, Shane. If you have as much respect for Leah as you say you do, you wouldn't have slept with her last night. It's just not cool, because if you and Leah have a bad breakup then she's just gonna go around to all her friends and tell them that you're a jerk because you sleep with girls at the drop of a hat." I bite my lip just as more tears come spilling out. "And you think I think I'm better than you when in reality… I'm jealous of you." I shrug.

"…Why are you jealous of me?" He looks at me like I just said the stupidest thing he's ever heard. "You take all advanced classes, you make the honor roll every nine weeks, you're on the gifted team, you're so… grown up for your age. Why would you have any reason to be jealous of me?"

"Why do you think, Shane?" I wipe my face with the backs of my hands again and sigh. I'm so sick of everybody thinking that just because I'm smart, I'm mature and I'm in the honors classes that I'm automatically happy with who I am. Everybody just assumes that I'm perfectly fine when I'm not. I'm actually dying inside most of the time. "What I would give to just… be like you for one day. I would love to have boys drooling all over me, jumping in lines to sleep with me. You think it's all because I don't… want to have sex? Shane, nobody wants to lie down in bed with me. I'm… not anybody's first choice. I would love to be like you, just for one day. ONE day."

"…But you kinda got your wish though. Haven't you heard some of the crap that's being said about you? You're a hot commodity right now. You're hotter than any other freshman, so I've heard lately."

"…I know all of that. But I can't help but think it's because I'm dating Alex. You and I both know that NOBODY looked my way when I was just…me. Now that I'm dating Alex, everyone wants to jump my bones. I just wish it were… honest, y'know? I wish people actually thought I was hot and not just because I'm dating a senior."

"…It's not that they don't think you're actually hot, Jo. It's just… they didn't really notice you until you stood you. It's how it always is. I'm having that problem with Leah right now. I mean, Leah's always been the hottest cheerleader, but it seems like ever since we became a thing, more and more guys have noticed her. They really do think you're hot, they just didn't notice you until they had a reason to. It's like… it's like when you buy a car. You buy the car and all of a sudden, you start seeing that car EVERYWHERE but until you bought it, you never saw that car anywhere. Boys just have a reason to notice you now."

"Oh." I look down at my hands and fold them in my lap. "…I'm sorry for flipping out on you for having sex with Leah. I don't think you're a jerk… I don't think she's a whore either. I was just upset… and maybe a little bit jealous that you actually got laid last night when I could hardly even get kissed. I'm sorry."

Shane leans over and gives me an honest hug. "I don't think you're prissy and I don't think you're a bitch. I was just mad at you for calling me a jerk and calling my girlfriend a whore. I really don't think you're a bitch. You're my best friend in the entire world, I don't actually feel that way about you." He rubs my back in the hug and squeezes me tight. "…But are you serious about that? Alex didn't even kiss you?"

"Nope." I shake my head and pull out of the hug. "He doesn't really like PDA, and he's not really a lovey-dovey kind of guy. He wouldn't even kiss me. But I think he really likes me, because he made it CLEAR last night that he doesn't ever want to cuddle with me because he's not really a cuddler, but he let me lie on his chest for an hour just because I had a headache. He let me lie on his chest while he played Call of Duty. If he doesn't let other girls do that, and he let me do that, I should feel special right?" All of a sudden, I start smiling so wide it's unreal. "Plus, he kept playing with my hair and he said he NEVER does that…. I'm special."

"You're a little weirdo, but yeah. You're special, Jojo." Shane playfully tugs on my hair again which makes me laugh a little. "Did you enjoy yourself though? Even though you had a headache?"

"Yeah, I was fine. I originally thought that I had a headache because I was just nervous because I met his mom, but I came home to bullshit last night which totally explained the headache and the stomachache."

"Bullshit?"

"…Lady bullshit."

"…Is your aunt in town?"

"Yep."

"Gross."

Arguing with Shane really does take a lot of energy out of me. We're just both two strong personalities and when we clash, it's BAD. I know deep down within that he didn't mean anything he said to me. Shane's a lot like me when he gets mad. When he's pissed, he says whatever's in his head and whatever comes out just comes out. I've been around Shane far too long to even consider taking offense to anything he says while we're arguing. I have to admit that some of the things he said are sort of sticking with me, but I'm trying really hard to just let them go. Like I can't help but wonder if he truly does think I'm a prissy bitch. He obviously thinks that I think I'm above him which is totally not true. I don't think I'm above anyone and that's the god-honest truth. He must really like Leah to defend her like that to me, though. If there's one thing I gathered from that argument, it would have to be that he actually likes Leah.

Sat, Oct 18, 2013

2:22 p.m.

iMessage

Alex: hey text me when u r ready to leave

Me: wait, what time should i get ready? you never told me what time we were leaving last night.

Alex: damn I didn't? um just b ready by 3:00 if u can.

Me: okay. what time are we meeting the others?

Alex: 5:30.

Me: 3:00 is pretty early then, don't you think?

Alex: we r going 2 get something 2 eat b4 we go there

Me: dude you really gotta start telling me these things :/

Alex: srry. just b ready by 3:00. i'll b there 2 get you by 3.

Me: okayy.

I put my cell phone back on the charger and start immediately whirling around my room to find something to wear. I really wish he would've told me that we were leaving at 3:00. I would've BEEN in the shower, I would've BEEN had my outfit picked out, I would have BEEN started on my hair and makeup and I would have BEEN dosed myself up with Midol or Pamprin. Geez, Alex. I stand in the doorway of my closet, just staring at the things I could wear. Jeans are a no. I'm NOT squeezing my bloated ass in a pair of jeans with cramps as bad as the ones I have. Sweatpants sound heavenly but I'm not going to wear sweatpants on my second date. YOGAS. YOGAS, JO. YOGAS. "Hell yes…" I say out loud when I see that my favorite pair of yoga pants are clean and hanging up in the back of my closet.

Alright, so now I have another dilemma. If I wear yoga pants, I have to wear a thong. A tampon and a thong doesn't sound like the most comfortable thing right now. Why do I have to be a girl? Better yet, why do I have to be a girl THIS week? I yank the pair of yoga pants off the hanger and throw them on my bed. I might just have to suck it up and wear the thong and the tampon and just be extra, extra careful. Okay, now on to the shirts. I yank the most comfortable yet nicest thing I own down off a hanger and throw it on my bed too. Now off to the shower I go.

x x x

I've never been so uncomfortable in my entire life. First of all, this thong SUCKS. Second of all, I feel disgusting and huge in these yoga pants. I'm all gross and bloated and I feel like a whale. Third of all, I just really don't want to have a bra on right now. While I was finishing getting ready, I literally had to hide my phone under my pillow so I wouldn't look at it and feel tempted to text Alex and just tell him that I'm not going anymore. I'm pretty sure I took an illegal dosage of Midol to help with my cramps so I'm just going to wait for that to kick in and hope to god that I don't commit suicide before then. I sit down in front of my vanity and do some last minute makeup touchups. You're going to have fun, despite the fact that you feel like hell.

I mean, despite the fact that I feel like my body is rejecting my every organ, I look really nice. The black yoga pants look nice against the mint green, oversized knit sweater I put on. The fact that the sweater has the word "PINK" across it in white letters only made me put on a pair of white sneakers. I was going to wear my boots but I might have to run from some type of bloody zombie monster tonight so sneakers sounded a little bit better. The only thing I'm not happy with is my hair because the mist and moisture in the air while I was taking a shower turned it wavy and I don't have the time nor the patience to straighten it, so I just threw it up in a wavy ponytail and said screw it.

I grab my cell phone, my purse, turn off my bedroom lights and shut my door behind myself. Before I go downstairs, I walk down the hallway to my gram's room to tell her that I'm leaving. "Grammy, I'm leaving now. I'll be home later, before 1:00. If you need me, just text me or call me." I lean against her doorframe and wait for her to give me her blessing to leave. I told her this morning that I had plans and she was okay with it but I still want to make sure she's alright. She's lying in her bed watching NCIS like she's been doing all week. She's been feeling a lot better since she's been taking the medicine the doctor gave her but she's still been tired.

"I might be asleep by the time you get home, baby. I'll put the key on the porch, underneath the angel for you. You have fun with your friends and stay outta trouble." Once NCIS goes to a commercial, she actually takes her eyes off the TV and looks at me. As soon as she finishes her sentence, I turn out of her doorway to leave. "WAIT, JOSEPHINE." She yells after me. I swear I didn't do anything. The only time she uses my full name is when I've done something wrong. Shit, maybe she's pissed because I didn't wash the dishes this morning like I was supposed to. I slowly appear back in her doorway with not a word spoken. I'm probably in trouble and when I am, it's best if I don't say anything. I just respectfully look her in her eyes, but I find that her eyes aren't on my face. They're on my waist. Oh…. shit. I don't even have a lie to make up for this one. "Lift up your shirt for me really quick." Her tone is rather calm, which is bad news for me.

"Why?" I try real hard to just play it off but I don't think I can. I'm dead. I'm deader than dead. I'm in the casket, six feet under.

"Because I said so. Lift up your shirt for me, please." She picks up the remote and pauses the DVR player.

"No." I keep the tone of my voice steady, trying not to show any weakness because if I do, then I'm just admitting my guilt. "I'm not just gonna lift up my shirt for you, that's weird…"

"Jo, if I have to get out of my bed and physically take your shirt off your body, you know I will." She sits up in her bed as a threat. "Lift it up."

"I'm not gonna lift up my shirt, that's weird. Just ask me what you want to know." If you don't lift up your shirt, I think you'd better start writing your will. She's gonna kill you.

"1…2…."

"What do you want to know?! I'm not lifting up my shirt!"

"Lift. Up. Your. Shirt." I roll my eyes hard and just lift it up a little for her to see what I know she wanted to see. Grammy hasn't spanked me since I was like thirteen or so, so I'm not really scared that she's gonna hit me. I'm just scared that she's going to ground me until further notice. "…When'd you get that, Jo? Hmm? What's that?"

"…It's a bellybutton ring." I mumble.

"What'd you say? I didn't hear what you said."

"It's a belly. button. ring." I say in my normal voice.

"That's what I thought it was…" She lies back down in her bed and presses play on the DVR. "Take it out and leave it on my dresser."

"If I take it out, it'll get infected!"

"Oh, well that's just too bad. Take it out before you leave my house."

"Grammy, no. Please let me leave it in. I like it and it hurt really bad and I don't want to feel like I did it for no reason. Please can I just keep it? Please?"

"Take it out, Josephine."

"WHY?!"

"Because you ask me before you go and put a HOLE in your body, that's why! You're sixteen years old, you aren't grown yet!"

"You never let me do anything! If I would've asked, you would've told me no. Grammy, I don't do anything! I do whatever you ask of me, whenever you ask me to do it. I'm a good kid… I just wanted a piercing that I knew you'd say no to. Let me keep it… please?"

"If I have to tell you to take it out one more time…."

"Oh my freaking god!" I reach down and unscrew the ball on top of my belly ring. "You're not my freaking mother, you don't get to tell me what to freaking do!" Despite how bad it hurts, I yank the belly ring out and slam it down on her dresser. Jo, did you really just say that? Did you seriously just say that to grammy?

"No, I'm NOT your mother! You ought to be glad I'm not your mother, either! Are you sure you really want to say that to me right now? Are you sure you meant that?" She looks at me with nothing put anger in her eyes. I can tell I really hurt her feelings. "Maybe I should've just left you with your mother! You'd probably be dead right now, sitting in a ground rotting to your core, but that's fine because you wouldn't be with me, right? Because being with your mother would be so much better than being with me, wouldn't it? You're right. I'm not your mother… but I've tried damn hard to make sure I'm better than that!" I really feel like shit for saying that to her. I need to learn to bite my damn tongue. "You know what? Take the bellybutton ring. Take it, put it back in and leave. I can't even look at you right now. Get out of my sight, Jo. Get outta here."

"Grammy, I'm sorry. I…"

"I said get out. I'll talk to you about this later. Right now, you need to leave the house."

"I'm really sorry, grammy. I didn't mean to… I…" I sigh. "I love you…"

"I love you too, Josephine. But I want you to leave me alone right now."

"So are you gonna tell me why you're in such a bad mood or are you just gonna sit there in a bad mood?" Alex slides the small basket of mozzarella sticks across the table at me in hopes of getting me to take one. I can't even eat right now, I feel so bad. I feel like I literally just shot my grandmother dead. I'd like to believe that I only said that to her because I'm irritable and on my monthly, but I still don't think that's no excuse. I don't want to talk about what I just did. I feel so bad about it. "I don't give the best advice but I listen pretty well." He tries again. I slide down on my side of the booth and just sigh.

I thought for sure we were going to end up at a restaurant with three other couples so when I found out that it was just going to be me and Alex, I was very relieved. I'm glad I only have to deal with feeling this terribly around him and not a bunch of other people. I respectfully push the basket of our appetizers away from me and just sit there. Again, I'm having another dilemma. I can tell him what I said to my gram and he'll probably think I'm a disrespectful bitch. But I can sit here and silence and risk him thinking that I don't want to be here. "I just said something really out of line to my grandmother before I left. I'm just thinking of ways to apologize for it."

He breaks open a cheese stick and dips it in marinara sauce. "Whatever you said to your gram, I'm sure she'll forgive you for it. There's really no sense in beating yourself up about something you can't take back." He shovels the cheese stick in his mouth and chews on it. "What was it that you said?"

Just tell him. He's your boyfriend, he's not a stranger. "…She saw my belly piercing, and she wanted me to take it out. And I snapped and told her that she's not my mom, so she can't tell me what to do. And I've never said that to my gram before… and I could tell I hurt her feelings." I fling my messy ponytail over my shoulder and rest my chin in the palm of my hand. "I feel bad for it… and I need to find a way to apologize."

"…That's all?" He doesn't seem too amused by it.

"…Yeah. I don't know; I've just been in a crappy mood all day. I would never just say that to her to blatantly hurt her feelings. I was pissy so I just said it. And now I feel like crap." I sigh again and finally pick up a mozzarella stick. "I literally woke up in a bad mood today and I'm not even feeling well, to top all of this off."

"…How the hell do you wake up in a bad mood? Something had to have put you in a bad mood… you don't just wake up pissed off."

"Believe me, when you're a girl, it happens." I take a small bite of my cheese stick and chew it slowly. "I woke up completely shitty this morning."

"Women are so moody." He sits back in his side of the booth and crosses his hands. "Are you still not feeling well? 'Cause we can stop at the CVS on our way to the DemonHouse and grab some medicine or somethin'."

"It's not exactly something that medicine can fix." I wipe my hands on a napkin and lick my lips. "And it's not something I'm particularly comfortable talking to you about."

"Awww…." He nods as if I just gave myself away. I guess I probably did give myself away. Either that or he's just really sensitive to women and their many issues. "Is someone riding the crimson tide?"

"Ew, Alex… stop."

"Look, listen. I know all about those things… whether you're wearing the red badge of courage, riding the crimson tide, working the cotton cowboy… whatever you wanna call it. I get it. I get when it's that time of the month. Not your fault somebody's poisoned the water hole."

I cover my mouth as I laugh, hard. "You're an idiot." He's got so many ways to dance around the fact that it is what it is and I think I like it. "…I don't really want to talk about my… semicolon."

"…We can just call it an exclamation point, if that makes you feel better. All you've gotta say is exclamation point and I'll know what you're saying. You know… if calling it that instead of a period is better for you." I cringe at that word. I just really don't want to talk about that right now.

"Can we just stop talking about the happenings of… woman parts and stuff. It kind of grosses me out…"

"If I'm not grossed out by it, why are you?"

"Because I think… va-jay-jays are weird." I shudder. "New conversation, please."

"Before we change the conversation, I have one question to ask you about… va-jay-jays." He puts air-quotes around the word.

"…Whatever, make it quick."

"You're a virgin, aren't you? That's why things are awkward for you."

"Alex!" My eyes grow about ten sizes bigger and my jaw drops. "…I mean… really? Do I have to answer that?"

"I think it's a pretty legit question." He shrugs. "I think I deserve to know."

"Does it make a difference if I am?"

"Well, yeah, it kinda does. It lets me know if I can try anything or not…" He nods his head and looks at me with a smirk. "It won't make me like you any more or less. It doesn't matter to me. I just think it's a pretty logical question seeing as we're dating now…"

"…No, I'm not." I spit that out rather quickly and look around. "Haven't been one since I was fourteen. Can we NOT talk about this?"

"…I didn't think you were. You're too hot to have been one."

"…You're such a jerk."

"And you're a prude." He winks at me to let me know he's joking. I don't know, I find sex talk really awkward but for some reason, when I'm talking about it with him, it's not that bad. It's actually pretty funny.

"I'm not a prude. I just don't like to talk about sex…and…" I sigh. "I'm just not a prude, okay?"

"I think you are a little bit of a prude. Just a little bit though."

"I'm not!"

"Then tell me three turn ons and three turn offs without blushing."

"…Okay." I bite my lip to stop myself from smiling. "Turn offs… stinky breath, boys who smell bad and dirty fingernails. It's not that hard to brush your teeth, take a shower and clean your fingernails." I keep my face as serious as I can. "Turn ons… nice smiles, a sense of humor…and cuddling. I like boys who aren't afraid to smile, have a good sense of humor and will let me cuddle with them." I fling my ponytail to the side again. "So your turn."

Still smiling at me, he leans forward and rests his hands on the table. "I don't like girls who are prudes, girls who flaunt their bodies around and girls that act like the sun shines out their asses. I do like girls that are clean, girls that are good kissers and girls that who they're hot without flaunting it."

"…So one out of three for me isn't bad."

"You're two for three. Clean and hot without flaunting it." I can't help but blush at the fact that he thinks I'm hot. "…So prudy… tell me three turn on… spots without blushing. Go."

"Oh god." I close my eyes and put my hands over my face.

"You're blushing! See, I told you you're a prude."

"I'm not!" I try my hardest to stop smiling but I really can't. "Okay, I…" I'm blushing so badly right now. "I can't do it. I can't do it." I just feel so silly telling him about what…turns me on. That's just so awkward and weird and just… ugh. "…I can't do this." I know my face is bright red. "…I have to think about it, okay? While I'm thinking, you tell me… describe to me what your last crush looked like." Come on, Jo. You can tell him what turns you on, can't you? You're not a prude… are you? I think I am.

"My last crush, hmmm…" He sits back, laughing at me for blushing so badly. "…My last crush was… she was hot. Shorter than me but sort of tall for other girls, skinny with a pretty thick waist and thick thighs, big jugs…"

"How big were her boobs?" I like hearing what I beat out to get him. It makes me feel more confident.

"…Pretty big. I never saw her naked so I can't really say for sure."

"Okay, continue."

"Hmmm…" He twiddles his thumbs slowly. "Big butt… BIG butt… long legs and pretty long hair. Green eyes, I think… brunette hair. My favorite thing about her would probably be… the little beauty mark she has on her cheek, right by her mouth. She has a really pretty smile, especially when she's blushing. She's… she's kinda beautiful, actually. Like… she's more than just a pretty face and a hot body."

"Was she a good kisser?" I'm pretty sure I know who he's talking about but I want to string it along for a little while longer.

"Don't know… probably though. Her lips look like they'd be soft. If I could get her to stop being so shy around me, I'd probably be able to find out…"

"…I think she'd be okay with letting you find out though…" He wants you to stop being shy… stop being shy. And for god's sake, STOP blushing! If I don't do it now, I'll never do it. So with the little bit of courage I have inside me at the moment, I stand up a little and lean across the table to kiss him. His eyes close and so do mine. I tilt my head to the left, he tilts his to the right. Our lips just… touch. I feel like I'm going to explode into a million pieces. And guess what?

I'm blushing.