A / N – Sorry for the fluffy chapter 12, I didn't really do a good job of explaining things from Dixie's POV. Here is the next instalment

'Right, good morning everyone, we are here today to determine whether Mr Jeffrey Collier should be reinstated as a Paramedic with the Holby Ambulance Trust. As we are all aware from the files, Mr Collier was suspended from operational duty three weeks ago following his attack on Mr Rudy Valentino outside Holby ED. We are not here to put Mr Collier on trial for his actions. Merely to ascertain if he is fit and suitable to return to work following on from this as well as the shootings he was witness to.'

Jeff sat nervously in front of the panel of people who would decide if he was fit to return to work or whether he was to find a different job. He eyed each member of the panel as they introduced themselves to him, they were all a lot older than he was and he quickly learned that none of the people sat in front of him had front line experience, none had been paramedics, technicians doctors or nurses. He wondered how that would influence their decisions today; he wondered if they truly understood what he has gone through. Would they recognise the steps I have taken to get back on track?

Jeff shifted around in his seat and fiddled with his collar, this didn't go unnoticed by Dixie who was sat next to him in her uniform; she had managed to get some time off mid shift to be with Jeff, although she was meant to be there in her role as Operational Duty Manager, not as Mrs Jeffrey Collier. Without making too much of a fuss, she gently placed her hand on his leg giving it pat which made him look over to her to see her raise a smile before gesturing with her head over to the panel. Jeff smiled back before looking straight ahead at the panel.

'Mr Collier, we are going to ask you some questions about your ordeal at Holby College and the steps you have taken to recover from it. We will also hear from Natalie Jackson who you have been seeing in order to help you come to term with it. We will also ask you about your motives for attacking Mr Valentino establishing how you will refrain from doing this again.'

Jeff nodded to show he understood what was being asked from him.

'Finally we will speak with you Mrs Collier. We understand that you are in a difficult position today as we are talking to and about your husband, however, I must stress to you that the information you provide is purely professional and should not be influenced in anyway by your emotional connection with Mr Collier.'

Dixie nodded also showing she understood what was being asked of her, turning to look at Jeff once more, he smiled at her giving her a nod of reassurance.

The review panel had been the main focus of their conversations over the last couple of days, neither knew what to expect from it, what they would be asked or how the panel would reach their conclusions. Their main worry was centred on Jeff not being reinstated. They had spoken about what they would do; they had looked at their finances and worked out that they could survive on Dixie's wages along with their savings for about three months if Jeff couldn't find another job straight away. However, they had to remain optimistic that Jeff's excellent record coupled with his therapists report would stand him in good stead for a reinstatement.

'Mr Collier, we understand that you witnessed a terrible shooting at Holby College on the 7th September this year. From what your line manager, Mrs Collier has told us, she believed you to be suffering with PTSD. Could you tell us, in your own words and in your own time, how you feel that incident has affected you.'

Jeff readjusted himself on the chair before he spoke, he had rehearsed what he would say if he was asked about the college shooting with Dixie several times over the last two days, although, now he was asked, he couldn't remember what to say. Taking a few moments to gather his thoughts and take a few calming breaths, he opened his mouth to speak.

'Uh, well, uh…..it was nothing like I have ever seen before. You know when you are out on the front line, you are used to seeing RTC's, fights, forms of abuse, drug addiction and so on, I have also been there to treat gunshot victims, but this was different.' Jeff paused and looked over at his wife for comfort, just having her next to him was enough, so, taking another breath, he continued, ' I heard him fire, I had a young girl die in my arms, there was nothing I could do to save her, nothing. I felt useless. As it went on, I heard more shots being fired, more screams until it ended and I brought another girl, Simone out for treatment. It gave me nightmares, horrible nightmares; it is something which I do not think I will ever forget.'

'How did it affect your work Mr Collier, before the suspension?'

'Well, I was in a dark place I reckon, emotionally ya know. I didn't seem to have much time for time wasters, practical jokers or anything like that, but, I never let it affect how I did my job, never let it affect how I treated patients medically. But I wasn't in the mood to be called a hero, local celebrity or anything like that.'

The chairperson nodded at Jeff's response before the panel all seemed to lean forward together to make notes on their pads. Jeff wondered if he had said the right thing, he wondered what they were writing. He also wondered what they would ask next.

'Mr Collier, could you talk us through the shift you worked on October 5th, the day Mr Valentino died. We would like you tell us what happened and why you ended up attacking him outside the ED.'

Again, Jeff shifted in his seat and fiddled with his collar. How will I explain this one?

'Well, Dix, sorry, Mrs Collier and I were called out to the park, we had a report of a young female who had collapsed. When we got there, we saw it was Simone Lewis, Dix… Mrs Collier went to tend to her while I got the frac pac ready. Mr Valentino attempted to talk to me; he called me his mate and wanted paying for helping Simone. I told him no, from the way he was behaving, I thought he was either intoxicated or on a come down from drugs.'

Jeff went onto explain about how he later saw Mr Valentino at the ED, he had recognised him from the papers and was making comments about needing a hero, Jeff told the panel that whenever he saw Mr Valentino that day, he was constantly quoting song lyrics at him.

'I was just finishing up, I headed out to the ambulance, Dix.. Mrs Collier was going to finish the paperwork and join me. I saw him trying to climb through a window back into the ED, I told him again to go, before he showed me what he had stolen from Simone.' Jeff looked down at the floor, 'I don't know what happened, I guess I had had enough of him, I just saw red and flipped. I did attack him, I am ashamed of that and I am sorry of what I did.'

'OK Mr Collier, we understand that this is difficult for you.' Jeff nodded and returned to stare at the floor. 'Mrs Collier, could you tell us about your husband's actions and mood whilst at work following on from the shooting right up until the attack. We understand from the report that you found Mr Collier attacking Mr Valentino and pulled him away.'

Dixie nodded at the last part before she spoke 'Mr Collier was clearly upset and distressed following on from the shooting at the college, he threw himself back into his work, he didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to push him to talk about it. Mr Collier remained totally professional in his treatment of patients; he dealt with the press with professionalism not showing how he was really feeling.'

'Mrs Collier, do you feel that as Operational Duty Manager you had Mr Collier's best interests in mind? After all, you didn't refer him to the therapist until he was suspended, you didn't mention PTSD before the suspension and, by our records, it was six days after the attack that you reported him to HR. We also note that you didn't grant him special leave after the shooting but continued to allow him to work, to treat people knowing he was in a fragile state of mind.'

Dixie was totally taken back by this statement; she sat staring at the chairperson for what seemed like an eternity, was he placing the blame at her door?

'Mrs Collier, the trust would like to know why you acted like this, and do you feel that your lateness in responding to the emotional well being of Mr Collier had an impact on his actions with Mr Valentino? It is the belief of the Ambulance trust that had you of allowed leave for Mr Collier and advised us sooner of his PTSD that Mr Valentino would not have been attacked and Mr Collier wouldn't have been of such a fragile disposition. Do you think this is a fair judgement of the Ambulance trust to have made?'

A / N – TO BE CONTINUED…..