(Author's note: Partial writing credit of this story belongs to Animation Adventures)
Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams got skewered in China and ate disgusting street food. (Gags). Gabriella and Nekota got up close with meat curtains, Brody gained a crush on MacArthur, Syd and Dani hit a road block with their strategy, and Dwayne went absolutely bonkers! Poor Junior. (Laughs) Anyways, the Daters/Haters won the challenge. When it seemed like mother and son were out, it was a non-elimination round and they were able to stay. (Nineteen different circles containing the teams and their team colors surround Don) These proud nineteen teams remain. Who will be packing to go home today? Find out here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)
(Into plays)
(We are seen back at the Chill Zone where everyone was at yesterday. Don stands in front with Ryan/Stephanie. A Don Box is next to them.)
Don: Yesterday's Chill Zone stands on top of The Great Wall of China and is today's starting line. The Daters, yesterday's winners, will read the first tip. (Ryan grabs the tip then Stephanie steals it away from him)
(Confessional)
- Stephanie: We can't quit now. The money is like our children, we've got to stay together, for them.
- Ryan: I heard they're changing our name from the daters to the haters.
- Stephanie: Hey, my hate for him won us the last round so I plan to hate him even more today.
- Ryan: I couldn't hate her even more if I tried.
Stephanie: (She reads it) Fly to Oulu, Finland. (Raises an eyebrow) Finland?
MacArthur: (she and Sanders read the tip) That's the country where those fancy ass furniture stores come from right?
Sanders: Not exactly.
Don: (he stands in a slideshow of Finland) Yes, Finland. This European country is home to many coffee drinkers, cellphone users, and the most saunas per capita which is where the teams are heading. (He now stands in front of the sauna with a Don Box next to him. The Don box is only wearing a towel) Teams will find this Don Box here at the piping hot saunas to receive their next tip. (He is now seen in a sauna with a bear) Why suffer in the cold when you can suffer in the heat? (He opens the door and is seen tanned. His towel falls revealing his junk down under)
(Confessional)
- Ennui: Finland is a paradise.
- Crimson: They have almost 4 months of total darkness a year and Goth is mainstream.
- Ennui: (pulls out his cellphone and shows a picture of a man in Goth attire) This guy ran for office and won.
(At a taxi stand, all the teams try to hail a cab but they all fail to do so)
Devin: Taxi!
Josee: Chauffeur!
Crimson: Cab.
Gabriella: Come on! (No taxis stop for anyone) This is impossible.
Annie: (she gets out in the middle of the street and starts pounding the ground like she's a 5 year old having a tantrum. Everyone just stares in bewilderment. A taxi stops to check on her.) Can you drive me and my brother to the airport?
Taxi driver: Yes.
Annie: (to Leo) Come on.
Leo: (to the Julliard students) You guys want a ride?
June: (She, Annie, Leo, and Quince all sit in the back of a taxi.) So, it was really nice of you to share this cab with us.
Leo: You're welcome.
Annie: Hey, why don't we form an alliance?
June: How about you just toss me out the door now and save yourself the trouble of eliminating me?
Quince: Come on just give it a try.
June: Fine, we'll try a mini alliance today but if either of us get eliminated it's through.
(Confessional)
- Leo: We're making headway with June.
- Annie: So you do like her.
- Leo: Yeah but, don't let her know that yet. I want to tell her.
(Confessional)
- Quince: So you think you'll admit you've got it in for Leo?
- June: Only if we're both still around after today.
- Quince: I'm not hearing a no.
(Inside the taxi carrying the step brothers)
Lorenzo: You know what's weird?
Chet: Your face!?
Lorenzo: Aside from your face it's the fact that despite all our fighting we haven't been eliminated yet.
Chet: Well we must be doing something right or else all those other teams are idiots.
Lorenzo: Dude no one's a bigger idiot than you.
Chet: I'll show you an idiot! (Puts him in a headlock)
(Inside the cab carrying mother/son)
Dani: You feel confident and better about today honey?
Syd: Yeah mom so much better.
(Confessional)
- Syd: Yesterday we would've gone home had it not been a non-elimination round because of my overconfidence.
- Dani: But we had a good conversation with our "teammates" and we came to a consensus.
- Syd: I need to factor in what my mother can do and let her take the lead when possible.
- Dani: To victory, or at least not last place.
Don: (voice) Our teams are on route to Finland and thanks to the effects of digital editing, they have just arrived.
(All the teams are on the same flight and their flight takes off. The flight lands in Oulu's International Airport and all the teams head out in separate taxis. Owen and Noah are the first team to arrive at the sauna as Noah reads the tip)
Noah: (reads the tip) It's an All-In. "Finish Spa Day"? Teams have to sit in a dry sauna...
Owen: (smiles) Awesome!
Noah: (continues) fully-clothed at the highest temperature for ten minutes. (He turns to see Owen undressing)...
Owen: (Puts his shorts back on) Not awesome...
Don: (he's sitting in a sauna hut with a bear) Each hut has just enough room for two teams except for the last one which seats three and the ten minute time doesn't start until every team is in a sauna.
Noah: (continues to read the tip) Once the ten minutes are done, receive your next tip from the Don Box by crossing the semi-frozen river. (The semi-frozen river is shown. A baby seal sneezes and falls into the water)
Owen: (gets determined) Let's do this! First place! (He begins to run for a sauna)
Noah: (grabs Owen) Wait! Do you mind if we wait for Emma and Kitty?
Owen: (smiles) Not a problem! Anything for my Noah!
(Confessional)
- Noah: I think I'm starting to get Emma to warm up to me. The trick is to constantly get in her face. Chicks love that. Still, I'm not going to let this affect our game. My top priority is Emma. (Realizes) I mean winning!
- Owen: (chuckles) Sure it is.
Aaryn: (he and Yves arrive) Alright! First place! (They go inside a sauna)
Owen: Now we're in second place.
Noah: We'll be fine Owen. (The Goths arrive and enter the sauna the models are in. They shut the door)
Owen: Third place.
Noah: Still top three, buddy. (Out of nowhere, Gabriella/Nekota, Josee/Jacques, MacArthur/Sanders, Ryan/Stephanie, Lorenzo/Chet, Geoff/Brody, Annie/Leo, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Tom/Jen, Dwayne/Junior, Carrie/Devin, June/Quince, Mary/Ellody, and Syd/Dani appear and enter saunas.) Okay, what the hell?! Seriously, weren't we all on the same flight? (Emma and Kitty finally appear) Oh hey guys. Anyways, so it's two teams per sauna so we wanted to see if you guys wanted to share one with us?
Emma: So you guys waited for us?
Owen: (puts his arm around Noah) Yeah, we sure did!
Kitty: (to Emma) A sauna together huh? Sounds hot.
(The Sisters and TV Pros are seen in the 9th sauna. They are sweating uncontrollably and their hair is standing down.)
Kitty: (groans) So hot! How long has it been?
Emma: (sighs) Ten seconds.
Noah: (to Emma) So...
Emma: (groans) Too hot to talk. Sorry.
Noah: Right. Sorry.
(Confessional)
- Noah: It's totally working. (Smiles)
- Owen: (smiles) And all it cost us was our lead. (Noah face palms)
(Confessional)
- Kitty: What's wrong with you?! You like Noah but you continue to shoot him down! He literally gave up first place just so he could talk to you.
- Emma: Noah doesn't know that and I don't want him knowing it! (Sighs) I'll ask him out after we win.
- Kitty: (smiles) You're going to ask out Noah! You're going to ask out Noah! (Emma groans)
(In the 2nd hut, Josee and Jacques are seen struggling in the heat due to their clothes.)
Jacques: Why are ice dancing clothes so well insulated? (Sighs) Maybe your good luck charm is broken. I don't know about us winning this challenge.
Josee: Relax, Jacques. (Points) Our main competition are those weakling nerds. (Smirks) The heat will destroy them. (Camera pans over to the gym rats who are also sweating)
Gabriella: Don't talk about us like we're not in the room when we're literally right next to you! If I weren't so hot I'd slap you senseless!
Nekota: Don't do it, it's just not worth it.
(In the 3rd sauna hut, MacArthur/Sanders and Ryan/Stephanie sit.)
Ryan: When we get out we should run fast.
Stephanie: Great plan bicep brains.
(In sauna hut number 4, the Surfer Dudes and Stepbrothers sit in the heat. Lorenzo and Chet glare at each other but they don't argue.)
Geoff: Uh guys? Can we ask you a question?
Chet: Sure. What?
Geoff: Why do you two hate each other?
Chet: What, how'd you know?!
Brody: Yeah, it's just anytime we see you guys you're always fighting. We just want to know why? I mean I know this situation isn't exactly ideal right now. Someone new comes into your life and you're supposed to brother up unexpectedly.
Lorenzo: (glares) First off, we're STEP-brothers. Secondly, Chet's a loser! I hate everything about him!
Chet: (glares) Oh yeah! Well, Lorenzo's a Poo-Head! (They glare angrily at each other)
Geoff: Have you guys ever tried seeing if you have common ground?
Lorenzo/Chet: Huh?
Geoff: Yeah, maybe if you guys talked it out you could see if you dudes have something in common.
(Lorenzo and Chet look at each other and think)
(Confessional)
- Brody: Dude that was awesome advice! You should totally be a therapist.
- Geoff: (smiles) I know. I can't help it when I see two bros fighting. I feel like it's my job to help them out.
(In the 5th sauna, June/Quince and Leo/Annie sit and sweat.)
Leo: So Quince you want to score movies? That's so weird we want to be in movies.
Quince: Yeah I want to be like John Powell or Alexandre Desplate. Do you plan on being character actors or will you play anything and anyone?
Annie: We honestly want to star in musicals but unfortunately they just aren't the hot commodity they we're in the 40s and 50s.
June: I know, I'd love to be the choreographer for them. Or just a dancer. My goal is to be like Martha Graham.
Annie: I want to be like Marilyn Monroe or Bette Davis only with a longer lifespan.
Leo: I consider myself leading man material like Gene Kelly or Clark Gable, you know someone who can really bring joy to a room just by their presence. I feel like charisma is the most important part of being an actor, after his ability to emote, especially in this day and age it really does pay to be nice and fun.
Quince: Yeah that's the problem people just don't seem to want to have fun anymore.
Leo: That and there's no Oscar for best choreography.
June: That's what I've been saying!
Quince: (To Annie) This is going well.
Annie: I know.
(In the 6th sauna hut, Carrie/Devin and Tom/Jen are sitting and sweating.)
(Carrie uses her sleeves to wipe the sweat off Devin's brow. Tom cleans his fogging up glasses)
Jen: (Cringing) This top isn't made for steam press! (Squeals)
(In the 7th sauna, Dwayne/Junior and Dani/Syd sit. Everyone looks tired as hell.)
Syd: You okay mom?
Dani: Oh yeah I'm fine. (To Dwayne) How are you two holding up?
Dwayne: Good but we'll feel better once we get to leave, right Junior?
Junior: To hot to talk. Just stop.
Syd: I hope Aaryn's holding up ok.
(In the 8th sauna, Fabian/Jordan, May/Sam and Mary/Ellody are sitting in the heat. Mary does not look good. The geniuses' glasses are fogging up)
Mary: (to Ellody) Why did we choose this sauna again? All these bodies are only making it stuffier. (Cleans her glasses)
Ellody: Strategy. That May girl is the only competition we have intellectually. I want to see what she and her team's made of to see how they stack up.
Jordan: (To Fabian) You holding up man?
Fabian: (Wearing sweats and close-toed shoes) Figures they throw us into the deep freeze and then straight into the steam cooker. I'm just glad I showered last night.
Sam: We all are.
May: (Hair is all messy like it was in Dubai) Don't worry guys I think time is almost up, until then just visualize the bitter cold outside, maybe it will keep your minds off the heat.
Jordan: Good idea. (She and the geniuses do what May said)
Sam: Woo! This heat is going to shrink me down till I'm skinnier than I already am! (Wipes area around eyes. Looks down on his hands to see mascara on them. Concerned he wipes his hands across his face wiping off more mascara) Guys, my make-up is running! (Wipes tattoos on arm and they smudge) And my tattoos? Cheap ass ink! If we win I'm getting re-inked.
May: Later, it's too exhausting to talk now.
(The camera pans into nine different screens showing all the teams in the saunas. They are all sweating and their hair stands down. They patiently wait for the time to run out.)
Don: (voice) As the remaining teams get cooking and wait for time to run out, our teams in the first 4 saunas are about to step out of the heat and back into the cold.
(The camera zooms into the first sauna with Crimson/Ennui and Aaryn/Yves in it. They only have 0:32 seconds remaining)
Aaryn: (sweating and groaning) I normally love a good sauna but this is crazy! Thank god time's almost up.
Yves: Good because I think this heat is starting to have serious effects on my mind because I can swear the Goths are melting right now.
Aaryn: Dude, relax its just a halluci-(turns around to the Goths and gasps) OH MY GOD THEY ARE MELTING!
(The Goths face paint is indeed melting)
Ennui: Huh?
Crimson: What? (They look at each other and gasp loudly)
(The timer runs out for the first four saunas)
Don: (voice) And they're off! Some faster than others.
Ennui: (he and Crimson run away) First place.
Aaryn: (comes out) Wait up! (He runs after them while Yves cools off in the snow)
Gabriella: (waves to the Ice Dancers as she and Nekota leave) Bye guys!
Nekota: Enjoy the race! (They run for the river while Josee and Jacques crash in the snow. They are literally steaming. Lorenzo/Chet, Geoff/Brody, Ryan/Stephanie, and MacArthur/Sanders crash in the snow sweating)
(Back to the Sisters and Reality TV Pros who are still waiting. The final five sauna huts' time is about to run out. Kitty notices a bucket of water.)
Kitty: (dumps herself with the bucket and sighs in relief) I didn't know dry saunas had buckets of water.
Emma: Uh Kitty?
Kitty: Yeah?
Emma: That wasn't water...
Kitty: (goes wide eyed) T-t-then what was that?
Noah: That was Owen's sweat. (Motions to Owen who is sweating into four separate buckets similar to the one Kitty doused herself.)
Owen: (groans) I'm sorry but I am a sweat volcano. (Laughs and smiles)
Kitty: (she freaks out) AUGHHHHHHH! (Time runs out for the final five sauna huts. Kitty runs out screaming) AUGHHHH! (Runs for the river)
Owen: (he shoves Noah and Emma into the snow) NEED COLD! (The remaining teams walk weakly and hot to the semi-frozen river)
Jacques: (he and Josee crawl weakly in the snow) Must persevere. Greatness awaits! (Kitty runs over him and Josee) Now that was rude! (Owen runs over him and Josee) Okay, oww! (Ryan/Stephanie, MacArthur/Sanders, Geoff/Brody, and Lorenzo/Chet run over them) Why...
(Confessional)
- MacArthur: (smiles) You gotta admit that felt good! (Sanders nods)
(At the semi-frozen river, Crimson and Ennui are the first ones there)
Ennui: Here's the semi-frozen river.
Crimson: We need to be careful so our makeup doesn't run.
Kitty: (she shows up screaming) AUGHHHHHHHH! (She bumps into the Goths causing all three to fall in the water. Kitty finally resurfaces wiping her arms.) S-s-s-so unclean! (Owen jumps in and he is completely frozen solid) Uh oh.
Emma: (she and Noah arrive and see Owen frozen) Whoa that looks really cold.
Noah: (acts all tough) It can't be that bad. I've been in way colder situations. (He jumps in but resurfaces shivering) S-s-s-s-see? (Laughs nervously)
Emma: Uhh...
Noah: (smiles) Hey, I have an idea. You can climb on Owen and he'll carry you across.
Emma: Are you sure Noah? I mean, the water is pretty deep.
Noah: (smiles) Of course! Hop on! (Emma shrugs and gets on Owen.)
June: (She, Quince, Annie and Leo have made it to the river) Well, here goes nothing. (Pirouettes across ice floes like it's a game of hopscotch) You all coming?
Leo: I am. (Also hops across ice floes)
Quince: We'll find another way.
Annie: Wait for us.
June: For once I will. (Grabs the next tip) Head to Downtown Oulu and get ready to air out your rock on. Ok what the hell does that even mean? (Notices something on the shore of the river) Huh?
(Out of the water come out two people. They cough as they dry off. They don't look like anyone we know. The guy is peach skinned with brown hair and black eyes. The girl is also peach skinned with ginger hair and blue eyes. Wigs fall off them.)
June: Who are you guys?
Ennui: It's obviously me, Ennui.
Crimson: And I'm Crimson.
Leo: No you're not, because I don't feel a chill up my spine like I typically do whenever they're around.
June: You too? I thought I was the only one.
Crimson/Ennui: Huh?! (They look at each other and gasp) AUGHHHH! (They look into their mirrors) AUGHHHH!
Ennui: (shocked) My face!
Crimson: (covers her face) Don't look at me!
(Confessional)
- Ennui: (he and Crimson have bags over their faces) We've only been dating for three years so naturally we've never seen each other "ungothed".
- Crimson: I feel like a dead body that washed up on shore... But in a bad way.
(On the other side of the river the Geniuses, the anime nerds, and the Animaniacs approach the river)
Fabian: Semi-freddo river.
Sam: That's right.
Ellody: So what do we do? Because I am not swimming across since I am not a harp seal.
May: Wait I've got an idea. I saw an ax by the saunas, I'll run back and go get it. Wait here.
Jordan: Okay. (May runs off and the gym rats arrive)
Gabriella: God I feel so much better. (Notices people) What are you all waiting for?
Mary: May said she'll come back with an ax to help us get across.
Nekota: Let's wait for her rather than risk becoming ice cubes.
Gabriella: Good idea. (Both fall into the snow to cool off) Aww, bliss.
(Stephanie and Ryan reach the river)
Ryan: Seriously? I'm already shivering.
Stephanie: Guess we just have to go for it. (Pushes him in)
Ryan: You're pure evil! (Grabs her and throws her in)
Stephanie: You'll pay for this! (They swim)
(Later Father/Son and Mother/Son approach the river)
Dani: They can't be serious?
Syd: I guess they are. Let's look around and see if there's a bridge somewhere. If that's okay with you.
Dani: Sure thing honey. (They leave)
Dwayne: (noticing several people waiting by the river) So what are you all doing?
Sam: Waiting for May to come back with her ax.
Dwayne: What? (Hears something in the woods behind him and turns around to see May menacingly branding an axe)
May: HERE'S MARI! (Swings the axe)
Dwayne: AAAAHHHH! (To his relief May isn't attacking him but chopping down a tree next to him. When she's done she slams him into the tree causing it to fall over the river to be used as a bridge)
May: Bridge for use! Free for all! (Her team, the Geniuses, the animaniacs, the gym rats, Quince and Annie cross it.)
Junior: (noticing his beaten and shaken father) You okay dad?
Dwayne: I'm fine, we'll cross the river when I can get up.
Aaryn: (Arrives carrying Yves on his back) Come on Yves! You gotta cross the bridge!
Yves: Still too hot to move. (Aaryn drops her and then dumps a handful of water from the river on her face) EEEHH! I'm up! I'm up!
Aaryn: Then let's go! (They start to cross the bridge) I hope Syd finds his way across, wherever he is.
Chet: I'm not jumping in first, you do it!
Lorenzo: No you!
Chet: Let's just do it on three.
Lorenzo: fine
Chet: One, two, three-
MacArthur: (coming in fast) Look out! (Dives into the water pushing Chet and Lorenzo in) Man that's cold! But bracing! (Sanders approaches the river) You coming in or what?
Sanders: I'll cross the bridge. (Runs over to the tree)
MacArthur: Suit yourself. (She and the step-brothers swim across the river)
(It's later at night where the scene is Downtown Oulu. There's a stage set up with a crowd of goths in front. There are speakers, wires, and a meter on stage. A Don Box is placed near the entrance backstage. Taxis arrive carrying Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, May/Sam, Jordan/Fabian and Crimson/Ennui.)
Owen: (gets out of the taxi) Whoa! A concert! Don really outdid himself. Who's performing? (The five teams grab their tips)
Noah: (reads) Apparently, we are.
May: (reads) It's a Botch-or-Watch.
Emma: Teams must battle it out in Finland's national sport, air guitar? (Groans) For real?
Don: (he's seen on the stage now) For very real. Performances will be judged by this applause meter. (Points to the applause meter above him) Get the crowd into a maximum frenzy (plays air guitar while the crowd cheers causing the applause meter to ring), and teams can rock on over here to today's Chill Zone. (The Chill Zone can be seen on the other side of the stage) Bottom out (the crowd begins booing until the applause meter goes down) and its back to the end of the line to try again. Whoever didn't pull the rickshaw in Beijing must rock out on stage.
(The five teams are seen backstage practicing for their performances)
Kitty: (practices) How do I look?
Emma: Like a lunatic but I think that's what we're going for so we're good. (Kitty smiles)
(Fabian stims nervously)
Jordan: (to the camera) What? You think it's weird? Well good for your opinion. I'm just gonna let him stim until he feels confident enough to get onstage and perform.
(Confessional)
- Ennui: I love who you are on the inside but I just can't look at you on the outside.
- Crimson: I know. Looking at your perky nose makes me want to vomit.
Don: (As more teams arrive, he stops Crimson and Ennui from joining the line. They still have bags over their heads) Hold up! This is for Ridonculous Race competitors only.
Ennui: But it's us. I'm Ennui and this is Crimson.
Don: That can't be. I'm not even remotely afraid of you guys.
Crimson: But we have a camera crew following us. (The camera crew is shown)
Cameraman: Yeah Don, I have the footage. They really are Crimson and Ennui.
Don: Well, I guess that checks out. Good luck. (He walks off as Noah goes onstage. He looks nervous.)
(Confessional)
- Noah: Air guitar. All the coolness about not being a musician and all the lameness of jumping up and down like a buffoon.
- Owen: Yeah! This challenge had Owen written all over it.
- Noah: Easy buddy, I'm going to use my inner-Owen. (They fist bump)
(Noah is seen onstage doing his air guitar act. He plays awkwardly and sings while he does it. Owen, Emma, and Kitty watch him from backstage. Owen cheers for Noah while Emma rolls her eyes. Noah begins to look nervous.)
(Confessional)
- Noah: It's hard to dance like no one's watching you when someone's LITERALLY watching you.
- Owen: I was only encouraging you. Oh, you mean Emma.
(Noah gets distracted by Emma and trips over a wire. He goes head first into a speaker while the crowd boos him. The tower of speakers begins to shake. Noah gasps.)
Owen: (gasps) NOAH! (He runs after him)
Noah: NO! (Owen crashes on top of him)
Owen: (smiles) See? Safe and sound. (The speakers fall on top of them) Well, sorta safe and sound. (Laughs nervously. He and Noah head to backstage) I know you like Emma and I'm so happy for you but your crush on her just got us crushed.
Noah: I know but its fine. At least we're still top five. (Sees that every team other than Mother/son is here) Sixth, seventh, eighth. (Facepalms) Aww crud.
Fabian: (smiles as he goes onstage) Looks like I'm up. (Smile quickly turns to a look of fear)
(Confessional)
- Jordan: Fabian has severe performance anxieties. He won't even do a podcast unless he's blindfolded and he once only agreed to sing while wearing blinding contacts even though I was his only audience.
- Fabian: Don't worry maybe if I just don't look at the audience I can do this.
(Fabian is trying to perform but then all the sounds, like the speakers, the music, the voices from the audience, the hum of the lights and his own feet on the floor, not to mention the overwhelming visual overload like the lights causes him to go still. He looks into the eyes of the audience's eyes and it's like he's looking at the sun, he tries to look at his friend's eyes but he just sees demon eyes. He gets too scared and freaks out by completely freezing up and falls to the ground. The crowd boos him as a vaudeville hook pulls him offstage. A lot of contestants didn't seem happy to see that.)
Junior: So that's what it's like when an autistic person shuts down? Not fun.
Jordan: Blue screen of death?
Fabian: (Still frozen in fear) Yes. Sorry Jordan.
Jordan: Don't worry, I kind of expected that, we just have to rework our strategy. And unfreeze you. (To Sam and May) You guys are up.
(Confessional)
- May: Another challenge that Sam would've killed goes to me.
- Sam: Seriously, I'm a punk guitarist.
- May: But I'm not worried, I just need to channel my inner freak to win this challenge.
(May tries to play guitar while doing head banging metal moves, but only comes off looking silly. The audience boos her and she heads off stage)
Don: (voice) It seems like no one can air out their rock on. Did that make sense?
(A montage is seen of some of the contestants trying to air guitar. Kitty attempts to air guitar but they boo her out and throw a tomato at her. MacArthur does a power slide but they boo her out and throw tomatoes at her. Lorenzo is seen playing awkwardly and they throw tomatoes at him as they boo. Junior plays until he loses a shoe and they throw tomatoes at him as they boo him. Ryan tries flexing his muscles to get them excited but they throw tomatoes at him and boo.)
Don: (voice) And even when they get a groove on, they just trip over it.
(Yves tries to rock until she trips over her heels and falls offstage. She's okay. Geoff is doing well until the floor beneath him breaks causing him to fall down. He's okay. Annie tries to air guitar but the audience throws groceries at her and boo her off the stage. Carrie tries to air guitar but they throw spiked metal accessories at her causing her to run off stage in a screaming panic and into Devin's comforting chest. Jen tries to air guitar but they throw a multitude of knives at her, none of them cut her but they leave a perfect silhouette of her against the backdrop, she also runs screaming offstage. Nekota tries to air guitar but an audience member throws a baseball at him, knocking him out of his clothes like Charlie Brown, he quickly gathers his clothes then leaves. Jacques is doing twirls as he air guitars. He accidentally hits a wire causing him to be shocked and fall to the ground.)
Jacques: (glares at the wire) Why are there even wires up here?! This is air guitar! (They boo him offstage)
(Ennui's paper bag falls off as he power slides to center stage and performs pretty well. Suddenly he begins hears booing from the crowd)
Crowd: GET OFF THE STAGE PREPPY! (Ennui begins to look sad and tears up)
Don: (voice) Or perhaps they just lack that special something.
Devin: (He and Carrie talk to Crimson) Wow, is that you Crimson? Your skin is so flesh-colored.
Carrie: (smiles) And I love your hair.
Tom: And since I can look at you directly in the eye I can finally say how spectacular your outfits are, especially Ennui's belt going with his boots.
Crimson: (shocked and a bit scared) You're throwing a lot of positive emotions my way and I don't know what do with that.
Jen: (raises an eyebrow) Say thank you?
Ennui: (Crimson puts her bag back on her head as does he) Crimson, wait, this is just the way the world is for us now. I think I know how to handle it.
(Confessional)
- Ennui: We're quitting.
June: (to Quince) What the hell man. I thought you had this in the bag, you're the musician between the two of us.
Quince: (A little roughed up) Might I remind you I'm trained in classical, jazz, flamenco, rebetiko, Kingstown jive, son Cubano, tango, and ragtime, NOT rock n roll and heavy metal!
Mary: I also take it didn't go well?
Ellody: (Also roughed up) Yeah, and I'm sorry to say Mary but I think this is the one challenge we can't think our way out of.
Mary: What are we supposed to do?
Ellody: It's probably one of those "Feel the rhythm and don't overthink it" types of situations.
Mary: Seriously? Our whole lives are based on logic, thinking, and reason. We don't just do things based off of feeling. That's for Hollywood starlets, rednecks, and adrenaline junkies.
(May tries again to rock but fails and is chased offstage by vallhunds and lapphunds)
Don: (voice) Will anyone pass this challenge? Seriously, this is pathetic.
(Much, much later)
Dani: (She and Syd suddenly arrive.) Is it too late? Have we been eliminated yet?
Josee: No, but I have faith.
Aaryn: What took you so long?
Syd: We went the long way down the stream until we found a bridge, crossed it, and then had to run all the way back up stream to get the don box. (Reads the tip) Air guitar? (Shrugs) Why not, I'll try anything once.
Junior: Actually you can't. You pulled the rickshaw in China so it's your mom's turn.
Syd: Really? (Notices his mother's disapproving look) I'm sorry mom but I just don't think this is your challenge to win, I mean these people are tougher than nails.
Yves: (Runs backstage while being pelted by food) AAAH! These people are unpleasable! What do I have to do?! Shoot ping pong balls out my ass?!
Aaryn: (Laughs a little)
Yves: What's so funny?!
Aaryn: Well Yves just consider the actual image of you shooting ping pong balls out of your butt like in Priscilla: Queen of the desert. (Laughs some more)
Yves: (Starts laughing) Yeah I guess that is pretty funny. (They both continue to laugh)
Syd: Wait, has anyone passed this challenge?
Quince: (Just returned from failing again) No. By the way I think your team's next.
Dani: Yes! (Walks but is stopped by her son)
Syd: Mom, wait are you sure you can do this? You're not exactly metal.
Dani: Syd honey, let your mom take control and handle this herself. (Runs onstage)
Syd: Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
(The music starts but Dani is nowhere to be seen. The crowd begins booing while the applause meter starts dropping. Syd looks worried. Suddenly, the curtains rise to reveal Dani dressed like a younger Steve Tyler. She suddenly does a jump in the air and begins to air guitar to the music like Slash. She's doing pretty well, scratch that really well. The crowd begins to cheer for her as the applause meter rises. Syd and everyone else looks dumbfounded. Kitty even takes a photo without breaking her stare.)
Syd: Oh, my god!
(Confessional)
- Syd: You know, when I first entered this Race I thought that my mom was just like any other suburban soccer mom, content to just do her job as a realtor. But know I know she can hang ten and let loose like no one's business. She rocks! (Cheers) WOOOHOOO! GO MOM!
Dani: (is seen doing many air guitar tricks on stage such as spinning, rocking her head back and forth, then does a power slide and plays the air guitar amazingly. The crowd is loving it.) Now for the next part I need alcohol and a lighter.
Yves: Here you go. (Tosses both to her)
Syd: Where'd you get those?
Yves: The beer was from craft services, and the lighter I found on stage as I ran away. I think someone threw it at me.
Dani: (Takes a huge swig of the beer and then spits it over the lighter causing a massive fire to go over the crowd. The crowd goes crazy as some roast marshmallows with the fire. The applause meter suddenly reaches its max and rings. Everyone is shocked by what just happened but some applaud.)
(Confessional)
- Josee: We just lost, to a divorced 40 something suburban soccer mom!? (Throws a temper tantrum)
(Confessional)
- MacArthur: So spitting fire at the crowd is okay, eh? That gives me an idea.
- Sanders: I'm not liking where this is going. (Gives a worried look)
(Confessional)
- May: So we can freak out the crowd, eh? That gives me an idea.
- Sam: (Excited) I'm loving where this is going! (Smiles)
(Onstage Dani is still taking in the applause of the crowd and loving it. Her son runs onstage to meet up with her)
Syd: (excited) Mom that was amazing! But where did you learn all that?
Dani: (waving) Before you were born and I met your father I bummed around the country as a professional groupie for bands like Kiss, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, The Rolling stones, Poison, and the David Matthews band. Man that was so wild. By the way I'm banned from Detroit for kissing Prince Charles and Prince Nelson.
Syd: Don't worry even the people who live in Detroit want to be banned from it. But seriously mom, that was incredible! I'm sorry I doubted how hardcore you can be, I'll never do it again.
Dani: Well thanks Syd sweetie. Oh, here's my favorite part. Come on! (Takes her son and they both dive into the crowd to crowd surf their way to the chill zone) Woo hoo! It's like 4th of July 1989 in D.C!
Syd: Oh god everyone's toughing everything. (They crowd sets them down and they run to the chill zone)
Don: And so we have today's winners! Dani and Syd take first place for the first time! (They hug and cheer) And your prize is the same as the winners of the world wife carrying championship, the wife's weight in beer! Which is I'm guessing is 170?
Dani: You'd be right. Hey everyone at work, party at my house when we come home!
Syd: Great. Something I can't have till I'm 21.
Don: You also get your own sauna!
Syd: Now that's something I can use! This win is everything right now.
Don: Yes it is. There isn't a soul in Finland who isn't filled with joy.
(Elsewhere in Oulu a cab caries the goths. We see the goths still have the bags over their heads and are still not looking at each other)
Crimson: I wish it didn't have to end this way.
Ennui: Maybe it doesn't have to. We could try to accept each other the way we are. (They both take off their bags to look at each other. They actually smile a little until Ennui notices something outside the taxi's window) Look. (Points to a store that sells Goth clothing and accessories, they see two outfits, one a black coat and the other a red dress. Ennui smiles and looks at Crimson) Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Don: With the Dani's example fresh in their minds, teams amp up their performances with rocking results!
(MacArthur is seen using a lighter to fart to into the crowd. Two goths lose their hair but they continue to cheer. Lorenzo is seen doing the air guitar really well and gets people to cheer for him. Jacques uses two speakers to hold his legs up. All three teams get the applause meter up into the green.)
Don: (The Ice Dancers arrive) Ice Dancers, you've come in fourth!
Jacques: Fourth again?! (He and Josee begin to cry)
Don: (voice) Some teams even take on bizarre ways to continue on.
(Fabian is seen rocking onstage while wearing a blindfold. The crowd loves it and they applaud him. The applause meter goes up and rings. Jordan cheers then guides her boyfriend over to the chill zone before he walks over the edge.)
(Confessional)
- Jordan: When I knew he couldn't look into the crowd and rock, I just turned to the most common solution, the blindfold.
- Fabian: (his back is facing the camera) And it really worked! Am I facing the camera?
(May does some sort of weird routine we're she's pulling a charging cord through one nostril, out her mouth, into the other nostril and back out her mouth. Everyone behind stage is grossed out but Sam and the crowd love it. The applause meter goes off and rings and they head off to the chill zone.)
Don: Anime nerds, you're in sixth place! (Notices the cord) Now please take that thing out, it's disturbing!
May: A little help here?
Sam: Sure thing babe. (Starts pulling out the cord gently)
(On stage Ryan tries again but is struggling)
Stephanie: It's air guitar! Not air fly swatter!
Ryan: (angrily jumping up and down) STOP! TELLING ME! WHAT TO DO! (The crowd is loving it and they cheer him on. The applause meter goes off and rings. Stephanie looks happy)
Quince: (Is copying the routine he saw Dani do. The crowd is loving it and they cheer him on, June is also cheering him on. The applause meter goes off and rings.) Yes! I am the metal lizard king! (Runs to the chillzone)
June: (while running) Man you learn fast.
Quince: And that's why I'm top of my class.
(Annie and Yves are on stage dressed up like members of Babymetal while doing the air guitar. The crowd loves their routine and cheer both of them on. The applause meter goes off and rings. The models and the siblings run over to the Chill Zone.)
Annie: (To Yves) Good thinking man. But how do you know about this Babymetal band?
Yves: Aaryn's a huge fan and told me all about them.
Aaryn: Good thing you listened.
Leo: Better thing that you're a quick seamstress. Seriously you should win a Guinness world record for that.
Don: (voice) One-by-one, teams crowd surf their way to the Chill Zone.
(The screen splits into six separate screens. Gabriella gives Nekota a celebratory headlock for his performance, Dwayne strokes Junior's chin for a job well done but he looks embarrassed, Geoff/Brody cheer, Kitty snaps a selfie with Emma, Tom hugged Jen when she got the idea to lower her glasses over her eyes to look cool and Devin praises Carrie while she blushes. All of them are celebrating after they entertained the crowd and place.)
Don: (voice) And the race for last place comes down to three teams. (Three screens show the reality tv pros, the geniuses, and the goths.)
(Noah comes backstage from his latest failure)
Owen: Man how did we go from 1st to last? (Noah glares at him) Oh, yeah. Well on the plus side the goths aren't anywhere to be seen. (Noah gasps and Owen and the Geniuses turn around to see The Goths in new make-up and those clothes from the store. Everyone is shocked and quaking.) Oh, there you guys are. You wouldn't believe the super cute, preppy couple who said they were you.
Ennui: Step aside. (On stage a spotlight focuses on Ennui. He glances to one side as flames blast up, he glances to the other side as more flames pop up, and with just one single stroke flames on both sides pop up. The crowd goes berserk and everyone at the chill zone watches stunned, Tom actually faints from how cool it was, Kitty snapped a selfie even though she was still awestruck.)
Jen: When we can contact people again you have got to send me those picks.
(Confessional)
- Ennui: I've never felt closer to Crimson than I do right now.
- Crimson: I'll say. I can't believe we almost gave up on each other. Looks don't matter, it's the blackness deep down inside that counts.
- Ennui: Aw, that was beautiful.
Ennui: (approaching the chill zone): Well that went well.
Don: (sarcastically) Yeah, I'll be having nightmares about it for weeks. Where'd you even get those costumes?
Ennui: We borrowed them, we impressed the owner with our knowledge of Icelandic post rock. We're so cool.
Crimson: (They walk over to the ice dancers and notice Josee looking at her lava rock.) Wow, is that a Hawaiian lava rock?
Jacques: Yes, what of it?
Ennui: Man, that's hardcore, those things cast a shroud of darkness on all who plunder them.
Crimson: Can we have it?
Jacques: (angrily) Oh, nice going Josee! Your good luck charm has been cursing us this whole time!
Josee: Thanks for the tip, now how do we break the curse?
Ennui: Just toss it, anywhere in Hawaii.
(The ice dancers look at each other with uncertainty. Backstage the last two teams are wondering what to do)
Ellody: (downtrodden) I can't believe it. I built my first robot by the time I was 8 but I can't win over these stupid goths! (Yells)
Mary: Ellody! (Slaps her) Get it together! Who cares if you aren't a great air guitar musician? I know what you're capable of! You know what you're capable of! Now I think it's time to stop over thinking this whole thing and just feel it!
Ellody: (more confident) You're right! I'll just shut off my mind and let the music flow!
Owen: Noah, this may be our last chance. If we don't get it right this time we're definitely going home.
Noah: (frowns) But if Emma's watching I can't.
Owen: (shakes Noah) Snap out of it! (Noah looks shocked) Do you really think Emma wants to date a loser?
Noah: Maybe? (Owen slaps him) Oww!
Owen: Hell no! (Sighs) Being your friend and racing with you has been the best time ever. There's no one else I'd rather eat eyeballs with than you. But if we lose today it's over for us. We're done. What I'm trying to say is that I really think of you as my best friend and I don't want to see you lose Emma. Is that really what you want?
Noah: (scratches the back of his head) Gee, big guy. I don't know what to say.
Owen: You need to stop worrying about being Emma's hero and be my hero. (Tears up)
Noah: (tears up too) I love you buddy. (Attempts to go on the stage but then Don walks up)
Don: (walks up to the four) Here's the dilemma. The crowd is starting to get bored of you guys failing and we're running out of time so I came up with a plan that can please the crowd and finish the episode on time. (The four teens look nervously at each other.)
(Don now stands in the center stage while Noah is to his left and Ellody is to his right.)
Don: (to the crowd) Ladies and Gentlemen! Here are our competitors! Ellody! (Motions to Ellody) And Noah! (motions to Noah) You will decide who keeps racing and who will have to go home. The team with the loudest applause at the end wins. Ready? (They nod)
Ellody: Prepare to pack your bags Dev Patel!
Noah: You're going down Penny Maryann Rostenkowski!
Don: ROCK ON! (Gets offstage while the music starts. Noah sees Emma waving to him from one side while Owen gives him a thumbs up from the other side. Noah smiles. He suddenly gains the courage and starts to rock on. He jumps around and smiles widely as he rocks on to the music. Ellody looks at Mary and just lets herself go and is playing fairly well and people begin to cheer for her too. Noah gets a bit nervous when the crowd isn't cheering as loudly for him. Ellody smiles feeling she can do this and continues to rock on. Noah gets down on his knees as fire is shot in the background. Ellody notices that the crowd is cheering more for Noah and begins to air guitar harder. The crowd is going crazy for both of them. Both Noah and Ellody smirk as they stare and play the guitar solo. Then jump and power slide past each other as the songs ends. Everyone cheers) Wow that was seriously more impressive than I anticipated. You two did not disappoint. (Noah and Ellody smile) Sadly, one of you will have to go based on your overall applause. (The two teams get nervous.) Cheer if you believe Ellody won. (The crowd cheers pretty loud) Cheer if you think Noah won. (The crowd cheers slightly louder for him. He listens closely) Well it was a tight battle but… (Ellody and Noah look nervous) The Reality Tv Pros stay! (Everyone cheers. Noah and Owen cheer as they head for the Chill Zone.)
Emma: (to Kitty) Don't tell anyone but I think Noah just got me to like air guitar.
(Confessional)
- Owen: Awww. Good to have you back pal.
- Noah: I know. I can't believe my feelings for Emma almost cost us the race. Whoa. I'm off her for good.
- Owen: (shocked) Wait what?!
- Noah: If she was into me she would have said something by now. It's time to move on.
(Confessional)
- Emma: Maybe I've been taking Noah for granted. I didn't realize how much I liked him until he almost left. I'm going to change that.
Don: (to the Geniuses) Although you gave an epic performance, it just wasn't enough. I'm sorry but this is where you leave us, goodbye. (Ellody and Mary both seem sad but soon shrug it off and leave to find a cab. He stands in front of the camera) Another team is gone and the competition keeps getting stupider. Who will make it all the way? The only way to find out is to keep on watching THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)
=== Best of Mary and Ellody === (A slideshow is seen on the screen of Mary and Ellody's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Mary and Ellody voiceover)
Mary: (voice) Well that was kind of anticlimactic.
Ellody: (voice) Isn't it ironic that our downfall came from a challenge that required soul rather than thought?
Mary: (voice) That just proves how flawed this show is. On the brightside at least our downfall wasn't because of an intellectual challenge.
Ellody: (voice) Still we played our part and I actually had some fun.
Mary: (voice) Me too, I loved Venice and Paris and Brazil.
Ellody: (voice) I can't believe how much fun I had rocking out here and swimming in Hawaii, maybe we shouldn't put so much emphasis on studying and learn to have a little fun. Let loose.
Mary: (voice) Perhaps we should. Perhaps we should.
Ellody: (voice) I guess this only proves that geniuses don't always finish first.
Mary: (voice) You've been waiting to use that joke haven't you?
Ellody: Yes. (They both laugh geekily. Notices one of the many coffee shops in Oulu) Want some coffee?
Mary: Definitely. (They walk into a coffee shop)
(END OF EPISODE)
I loved the original episode SO much so of course I was ecstatic to write this chapter. My favorite part definitely has to be the failing montage with the success montage being a close 2nd. With the rockers gone I knew someone had to wow the crowd so I thought, why not Dani? Yeah I planned long ago for Dani to be one of those former teen rebels who mellowed out once she became a parent. I would've like to keep the geniuses around a little while longer but I figured this would be the perfect challenge for them to go out on, but it's not all bad, they've learned to let loose and live it up a little. One problem I did have with keeping them around this long, it's hard to write for genius characters when you're only of moderate intelligence yourself. What will Jacques and Josee do now that they've realized they've been cursed? Will Emma and Noah ever reconcile? Find out next week!