Shadow Boxer

by Random Little Duckling

Lexa is a semi-professional MMA fighter and works at a gym with her friend Lincoln as personal trainer. She lives with her former foster sister Anya who is as teasing and as annoying as any normal older sister. Clarke has just started her third year pre-med and is busy with her studies. Her roommates and friends Octavia and Raven try to get her to have a little more fun.

13. Chapter 13 - Call Me Maybe

Chapter 13 – Call Me Maybe

"You know, one of these days you're going to walk into something. And I'm going to laugh. Really hard."

"Huh?" Lexa looks up from her phone and realizes that she's almost standing in the kitchen. Slightly confused she turns around and sees Anya watching her from across the room.

"What?" Lexa asks, but then her phone buzzes again with another message from Clarke and her eyes flitter downwards.

Clarke: Wait so you've never been to a planetarium? We should totally go some time! I haven't been in ages either and last time I went was with O and Bellamy and Bell fell asleep and snored. It was super embarrassing haha.

Imagining Clarke rolling her eyes, Lexa has to grin at that little anecdote. At the same time, however, her heart jumps. Clarke wants to go to a planetarium with her? Together? Just the two of them? Would that be like a date? Or maybe-

Suddenly someone smacks the back of her head and Lexa's attention snaps to Anya who just passed by behind her.

"Hey!" Lexa complains. Even thought it wasn't actually painful, she reflexively lifts a hand and rubs the spot where Anya hit her.

"Stop sexting Blondie, I need your help here." Anya just retorts, lifting one thing after the other on the kitchen counter and peering behind them.

"I wasn't- we're not- we're just texting. Normal texting." Lexa feels the need to clarify, despite being pretty sure Anya is just teasing her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, can you please help me, or not?" Anya gives back impatiently, as she opens the fridge and scans it with her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Lexa asks finally, locking her phone and putting it in her back pocket. She'll answer Clarke later, when she has more time to think about how to respond.

"I can't find my keys and I'm already late to meet Mrs. Windsor."

Lexa snorts. "And you think you left them inside our refrigerator?" she teases, raising an eyebrow and grinning at her foster sister. Anya groans and throws up her hands, loudly bringing them down against her own thighs in frustration.

"Well, I checked everywhere else, for God's sake! It's like they've vanished! I swear if I didn't know any better I'd think we're still living with that kleptomaniac brat Michael Calbender." She curses with a scowl on her face, her ponytail whipping from one side to the other at her vigorous movements as she pushes the fridge door shut with unnecessary force.

Lexa hums knowingly, remembering the young boy with the greasy blonde hair and the million freckles as quite the annoyance as well. Then she puts down her gym bag and joins Anya in her search for her keys.

By the time they find them on the sink in the bathroom, Lexa's phone has buzzed two more times against her butt and her fingers are itching to get it out of her pocket and read them.

Did Clarke say something else? Something more about the planetarium maybe? Did she clarify that she really did mean to ask Lexa out on a date with that last text?

Not a second after Anya has closed the door behind herself, throwing Lexa a hurried and muffled 'bye' with her purse between her teeth as she struggles with her jacket, Lexa does exactly that.

She doesn't want to admit how disappointed she is, when she sees the texts are 'just' from Lincoln.

---

"Are you done with that?" Clarke asks Octavia and when she nods, Clarke takes the now empty coffee cup and puts it in the dishwasher with the rest, noticing how empty it is. It's almost the end of her shift and the dishwasher isn't even half full yet. It's been an unusually quiet couple of hours at the Pilot house for a Tuesday and Clarke was grateful when Octavia showed up about half an hour ago.

Octavia had offered to pick both Clarke and Raven up from their college campus at the University of Portland when they were done for the day, even though she goes to Portland State, which is the opposite direction from their apartment. Her second and third classes had spontaneously been cancelled, however, which meant she had been left with enough time to even go shopping for clothes and fit in a quick early dinner with Lincoln, before driving up to get them.

When Octavia recounted her visit to the gym, Clarke looked for an opening to turn the topic to Lexa and thus create an opportunity for herself to tell Octavia about their…whatever it was, but when one finally came around she found herself chickening out. The timing just didn't seem right, somehow.

Rather she let Octavia lead the conversation away from the gym and Lincoln and Lexa altogether and was eager to discuss Octavia's birthday plans with her instead.

Those are proving to be no less of a reminder of the fighter, however, Clarke finds, when her mind immediately wanders to Lexa again at the mention of beer. Briefly the memory of Lexa, carrying a case of said alcoholic beverage, flashes through Clarke's mind and she has to fight a smile.

"We should get a keg, like last year." Octavia muses out loud and Clarke hums in agreement, forcing herself to pay attention again.

"You've got to stop me from funneling this time though. Beating Jasper's best time was fun and all, but it was so not worth it." Clarke grimaces, the ghost of the aftereffects of her own experience with funneling still tasting bitter in her mouth.

Octavia smirks at Clarke as she opens the notebook in front of her. The page she turns to is titled 'Birthday Party'.

"Hey, you're making a real list? Look at you!" Clarke says with a grin of her own. "I'm such a good influence on you guys."

Octavia shoots her a look, but the lingering smile on her face tells Clarke she doesn't necessarily disagree.

"Alright, so 'keg'." Octavia begins the list in lieu of a retort, writing the word as she says it. Then she looks up at Clarke, her dark hair falling over her shoulder and onto her notes. "What else?"

Clarke snorts, bending down to lower her own empty glass into the dishwasher as well. "So, I'm not that much of a good influence then. More like the loser doing your homework for you."

"Eh, yeah, but…" Octavia shrugs, "I'll invite you to the cool party I'm throwing this weekend! My parents aren't home. It'll be like totally sick." She promises in a Valley Girl accent Clarke can't help but laugh at.

"Wow…" she slowly bobs her head forward and back twice, before shaking it, "It's like travelling back in time."

"Hey!" Octavia objects, dropping the act and leaning forward to shove Clarke's arm.

Clarke laughs again, taking a step back to counter Octavia's push. She's only kidding, of course. While maybe having been one of the annoyingly energetic and popular girls, Octavia was never a mean girl in high school; at least not in the last two years, when Clarke knew her. Both Octavia and Raven were mostly just focused on their sports teams, especially soccer, and Clarke doesn't recall ever having seen either of her friends act like they're better than any of their classmates.

That's what Clarke liked about them from the start. They didn't care about clothes or cars or a kid's background. They didn't care that Clarke didn't know the newest hot gossip or listened to that band everyone liked now. They didn't even let her reticence scare them off and stop them from trying to get to know her better and become friends. Especially Raven seemed to really want them all to become friends. Which was particularly unexpected seeing as pretty much the first thing she found out about Clarke was that she had slept with her boyfriend.

She can't believe she's really here. She can't believe her mom actually did this; just decided to move them to Portland. Just like that.

She can't believe she'd so completely ignore Clarke's reasoning and pleading and begging and just deny her any say in this…oh- oh, no wait, yes, yes, she can. She can absolutely believe it, because that's what Abby does. Her mother is seemingly only happy when she can ruin Clarke's life in some way and strip her of any control over it whatsoever.

Angrily Clarke takes another drag of her cigarette, as she looks out at the waterfront. She's been trying to really capture the essence of the scene in front of her for hours, days really, but however hard she tries, no matter how many times she draws and redraws the lines in the art notebook on her lap, she just can't translate what she's feeling onto the paper. She can't make the broken and weather-worn wooden poles that are sticking out of the water in front of her make her feel the same way in her drawing as they do in real life.

What seem like the remnants of the pillars of a pier that was long ago torn down for some reason, or maybe ripped apart by a hurricane, gripped Clarke from the very first moment she spotted them on one of her endless wanderings through the city her mother made their new home a few weeks ago. They seemed to call out to her, pull her in, and whenever she looks at them, she feels her pain reflected and magnified a thousand fold.

Looking at these poles, these ghosts of their former selves, destroyed by whatever it may have been, ripped apart and left there to slowly drown right where they were hammered into the ground, sentenced to live out their days unable to move, unable to leave… nothing has ever felt more real to Clarke. Nothing feels real anymore, except this.

So she's been coming here for the past four nights trying to commit the feeling to paper. Trying to capture the damn essence so she could maybe finally get some sleep. But she can't. Because she's haunted. As ghostly as these poles seem, just tall dark figures looming in these even darker nights, breaking apart the glistening reflection of the moon's light in the slowly moving black water, as ghostly as they seem, they're nothing compared to the ghosts of Wells and her dad and all the memories she shared with them. All the happy days that make up her nightmares now. That make her fight to stay up at night now. That make her wish she could never sleep and make her wish she could just finally fall asleep and never wake up now…that they're gone.

She can't believe they're gone. She can't believe that just when she thought she could live without Wells in her life, just when she thought she might actually survive this somehow, her dad died. She can't believe he's gone, she can't believe he's gone and that she'll never see him again. She can't believe her mom made her leave the house she grew up in; made her leave the house she grew up in with him. She can't believe she's here. She can't believe she's here when he's not. When they're not.

"Hey, that looks pretty good."

Startled, Clarke whirls around to see a dark figure tower over her, much like the poles tower over the tiny Clarke on her paper.

The figure seems to have appeared out of nowhere and Clarke's heart is racing so fast she thinks she might pass out.

Then the figure moves even closer and she realizes it's a boy.

For a painfully hopeful second, Clarke irrationally thinks it's Wells, but just as fast as that notion strikes through her, it's gone again.

And she feels as empty and hollow as before, pain echoing endlessly inside her.

"Is that supposed to be you? You know you got your proportions just a tad bit off there, right?" the boy jokes and now that the immediate shock is dissipating, Clarke's anger reclaims its spot inside her chest.

"Thanks." She snarls sarcastically, turning her back on him again and wishing he would just leave. Apparently the boy doesn't quite catch the vibe.

Instead of leaving he sits down beside her on the beach and Clarke barely holds back from yelling at him to leave her the fuck alone. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of having drawn a reaction of any sort from her though and even more importantly, she also doesn't want to shout here.

Somehow it seems like all of this - the broken pier, the quiet lapping of the waves, the soft sand under her feet - all of this realness might just disappear if she moves too much or talks too loudly and she can't risk it. She can't risk losing this, too. She just can't.

"So, do you come her often?" he asks and out of the corner of her eye Clarke can see he's wearing an easy sort of smile on his face. She frowns. This is a joke, right? This has got to be the universe's version of a joke. A really, really cruel joke. All she wants is her best friend and dad back or at least to be left the hell alone and what does she get? An annoying wannabe joker who apparently has never heard of the concept of respecting someone's privacy? Great. Thanks for nothing, universe.

Grinding her teeth, Clarke takes a deep breath. Maybe if she ignores him, he'll just get bored and leave.

Clarke takes another drag of her cigarette and looks back down on her paper, trying to concentrate.

The boy is quiet for a while, but his presence makes it impossible to even get close to the essence she's been trying to capture and it annoys her more and more with every passing moment.

Just when she is about ready to give up on trying to ignore him away and give the shouting a try after all, the boy speaks again.

"Are you always this talkative?"

"Are you always this annoying?" Clarke snaps back immediately, finally not able to hold her frustration in any longer and glaring at him full force.

It's the first time she's really looked at him and she's surprised at what she sees. Somehow she imagined the intruder to be big and broad-shouldered and wearing a pair of those tacky surfer shorts with the matching fuckboy haircut that screams 'my dad is rich, so I can do what I want and get away with it' to complete the look. But the boy in front of her is about her height, with an average stature and long baggy trousers and he's clearly never heard of any haircut at all. His dark hair is almost as long as Clarke's and it messily falls onto his shoulders in a soft wave.

At her small outburst he puts his hands up in front of him and leans slightly away from her. The smirk on his lips never wavers, however.

"Whoa, there Frida Kahlo, easy!"

"What?" she asks sharply, confused now and utterly disbelieving. Is this clown trying to insult her eyebrows all of a sudden? What is happening right now?!

"Isn't she like some famous artist or something?" he shrugs, his hands still at the height of his chest, but slowly lowering.

"Oh my god." Clarke growls, pressing her eyes closed.

Hair Boy just laughs, "Hey, I'm sorry, I don't know a lot about art, okay?"

He settles back into the position he was sitting in before he leaned away from Clarke, his legs parallel to Clarke's and his lower arms resting on his knees.

"That's pretty good though." He indicates her notebook and Clarke is tempted to slap it shut and smack him over the head with it. But she doesn't.

Yet.

Again he's quiet for a while and this time Clarke forces herself to keep drawing. She just won't let him bother her anymore.

She almost managed to get back into it, too, when the boy speaks up for a third time and Clarke knows she won't get any more drawing done until he's gone. Somewhere in the back of her head she thinks it's just as well. It's not turning out how she wants it to anyway. It never does anymore.

"I was just out." He starts and Clarke audibly sighs, but he ignores her. "Me and the guys were at this party. It was pretty cool, but then the cops showed up and that just kind of killed the mood for me somehow. I'm funny that way."

Clarke almost has to snort, but she rolls her eyes instead. She will not give this guy anything.

"It's not like I'm against cops or anything. They can be fun, don't get me wrong. Just the other day I played hide and seek with a couple of our city's finest."

"Yeah right."

"No, really! They're quite the playful rascals. Kind of sore losers though." He shrugs and this time Clarke can't hold back the short laugh.

"You're so full of it." She says with a scoff, fighting to regain her steely mask. She doesn't want to make this guy think she thinks he's funny. She doesn't want to feed his ego. His smirk is already annoying enough. And way too permanent. What, is this guy like on happy pills or something? Jeez.

"Maybe," Hair Boy directs his smile onto her and Clarke hates that she kind of thinks it makes him look charming in a way, "or maybe I'm just an outlaw and I came here looking to hide from the pigs, before escaping to Mexico." He whispers in a conspiratorial voice, wagging his eyebrows.

"Mhm," Clarke nods, playing along now. "Yeah, you may be an outlaw, but you sure ain't no genius, huh? Cause if you were you'd know that Canada is like a billion times closer than Mexico from here."

Even in the dark Clarke can see the boy's eyes gleaming as she buys into his little game of pretend. Leaning in closer to her, he whispers, "Or maybe that's exactly how the police would think and going the longer route is actually the safer bet." He winks.

As Clarke scrambles for a good comeback, he leans back onto his elbows, a victorious and cocky expression on his face.

Damn it!

"Yeah, well, maybe I'll just rat you out and save them the trouble of chasing after you at all." She finally brings out rather late and she isn't surprised at how unimpressed he seems by that.

"Ah, well, I guess I had a nice run there for a while, didn't I. Had to happen at some point. " He sighs and then suddenly he moves and grabs Clarke's right wrist with both of his hands, a desperate expression on his face. "You'll wait for me though, won't you? Promise you'll write me every day! Promise me, Frida!"

Pulling her arm out of his grip, Clarke can't help but laugh again.

"Fuck off!"

He laughs as well and lets go, resting back on his elbows again and looking out over the water.

She shakes her head at him and then, too, turns to face the dark waves once more.

Another few moments pass and Clarke doesn't even notice that she totally forgot to be angry at him, before Hair Boy suddenly moves. He heaves himself upright out of the blue and when he pats down his pants, shaking the sand from them, she almost wants to ask him where he's going.

She only just stops herself. Why would she care where he's going? If anything she should be glad he's about to finally leave her alone again. She should be.

"Well," he takes a short breath in and then holds it for a second, before letting it out with a small huff, "this was fun. We should do it again sometime."

"Yeah, let me just jot that right down in my calendar." She drawls sarcastically. "'Meet strange outlaw boy at beach at night. Don't tell police. Bring picnic basket for a midnight snack and Canadian bread to leave false trail.'" She reads off her imaginary check list in a funny, deep voice. "There. That good?" she smiles falsely, but also not falsely at all, standing up as well.

"Perfect!" He beams toothily and Clarke can't suppress a grin of her own. She rolls her eyes though. Just to make sure he doesn't mistake it for actual enjoyment of his lame skit.

"I knew you were special, Frida." He adds in a dramatic voice just then and despite what she thought at first, Clarke thinks the universe might not be joking after all.

And maybe, just maybe, he isn't either.

It's two weeks later when he invites her to a party.

They've curiously run into each other at that same beach three more times since that first night and even though she's not quite sure what she's even doing, Clarke agrees to go.

Hair Boy's name is Finn and Finn isn't actually an outlaw. He's in high school like Clarke and despite the fact that there's almost no second when he isn't joking or goofing around, he seems kind of sad somehow as well. Just like her.

He doesn't talk about it and neither does she. They just hang out and banter back and forth and Clarke finds that the ghostly poles aren't the only things seeming real to her anymore.

They go to that party and Clarke likes how Finn makes it a point to give her the feeling like they didn't just sneak Clarke out of her mother's house, but bust her out from prison, when really they both know Clarke's mom isn't even home.

It's more fun this way, though, Finn said. So, when he threw pebbles up to her window, she actually climbed down the side of the house, when she could have just walked out the front door, and it felt so satisfying that Clarke kind of wished her mom would have been home and had caught her just so she could start drama and make Abby's life miserable for a change.

She wasn't though, so pretending had to be good enough. And pretend they did. In fact, pretending is all they do and they both know it. But they don't care. Sometimes pretending is better than facing facts and sometimes, when you're really good at it, like they are, one could almost forget they're pretending at all.

The party is loud and rowdy and out of control and Clarke revels in the chaos of it all. When Finn hands her a drink, she drinks, and when he hands her a cigarette, she smokes, and when he leads her up to one of the rooms upstairs, she locks the door behind them and pushes him onto the bed.

There's laughter and music and loud but muffled voices all around them and Clarke has to laugh, because none of it is real at all; none of it is real except for the ghosts inside her head and the ghosts inside her heart and Finn.

Finn isn't laughing, but he is smiling. He's always smiling. And when Clarke smiles back they pretend it means something. And when they lie in each other's arms a little while later, they pretend they're asleep.

And when they finally get up and leave, making their way past passed out kids and empty beer cans, past dark houses and flickering street lamps, all the way back to Clarke's new home that isn't so new anymore, but feels like it always will be, when they finally say goodbye that night… they pretend they don't know they're pretending.

Finn gets weird after that.

They speak less and less for the rest of the summer.

And just before school starts back up he doesn't show up at the beach anymore at all.

The first day of her Junior Year of high school sucks, just like she thought it would.

Her mother drives her there and they get into a fight again and Clarke hates that she even feels bad for provoking it on purpose. She slams the door of the car shut and doesn't look back.

The day doesn't get better from there.

The people are all too happy and all too preppy and Clarke just wants them all to shut up and leave her alone and not stare at her as she gets paraded in front of every single damn class as the new kid even though it's the beginning of the year. Apparently this stupid-ass high school doesn't get new faces very often. Just great.

The only thing that makes the day bearable is that dark haired girl she meets in her biology class.

Clarke thinks her name is Octavia.

Octavia and her sit together in every biology class. Octavia is nice and talkative and really a little too happy for Clarke's mood, but it's almost infectious at times so it kind of works.

They get along so well that Clarke even tells her about Hair Boy and how he totally drew back after they slept together. Clarke tries to play it off like she doesn't even care, but Octavia hugs her anyway.

It's kind of nice to have a friend.

The next week Octavia invites Clarke to eat with her and her friends. They're on the way there, when Octavia points their table out to her and Clarke freezes.

Only two people are sitting there. A girl with brown hair tied up in a tight pony tail and…Hair Boy.

And by the way the girl with the pony tail is sitting on his lap and kissing him, Clarke thinks it's safe to say that Finn failed to mention one crucial detail when they hung out.

He has a girlfriend.

And that girlfriend is Octavia's best friend.

Clarke only just sees Finn's eyes fall on her, before she turns and walks away.

Finn finds her later that day. She's never seen him this rattled and she hates how much she's shaking when he begs her to not say anything and pretend. Again.

She also hates how much seeing him like that with another girl shocked her and she hates how cruel the universe is, after all, for throwing her together with the one guy that is going to ruin the one real friendship she's made here.

She doesn't promise to keep on pretending.

Instead she tells him he has to tell his girlfriend.

Again, she turns and leaves and somewhere in the back of her mind she notices the second time is already easier than the first and wonders if walking away from people might just be best in the long haul. She's obviously already getting good at it.

The next day Octavia is waiting for her in front of the classroom. She asks her what made her leave the day before.

When Clarke asks if her friend and her boyfriend are okay instead of answering, she looks at her like she's gone crazy, but slowly answers that they are fine.

Clarke makes a decision right then and there and tells Octavia that the guy she told her about was Finn.

When she asks her what she should do, Clarke isn't surprised when Octavia snarls that she's already done enough, but it hurts anyway.

Clarke turns around and leaves.

This time is the easiest.

At least she pretends it is.

She follows Raven all the way home from school that day. Thankfully it's walking distance, so Raven doesn't drive there.

When she knocks on the door and Raven answers, the girl doesn't seem to recognize her at first.

As soon as Clarke says her name, however, the expression on the girl's face darkens dangerously. She looks so angry, that Clarke is surprised not to get punched right in the face.

Instead Raven hears her out.

The moments after she's done talking are the third longest in Clarke's life.

Finally Raven speaks.

Clarke almost can't believe her own ears when she hears the words.

She expected Raven to say a lot of things. What she didn't expect her to say was 'Thank you'.

Clarke doesn't go to school the next day.

When your mom is a doctor you have ways of staying home 'sick'.

Like easy access to a doctor's note and the ability to fake the needed signature.

The day after that Octavia is waiting for her again, when she gets to class. This time Raven is with her.

Clarke's heart hurts from beating so fast.

When Raven asks if she wants to sit with them at lunch, Clarke knows she can't pretend anymore.

Octavia and Raven can, though.

They pretend they don't notice as Clarke wipes away the few tears that spill over and they pretend they don't see Finn watching them from a few tables to the left.

As they sit down, Clarke makes a silent promise.

Whatever may come, she'll never pretend with Octavia and Raven.

And if they'll let her stay, she'll never turn around and leave again.

Something tells her that despite what she's been pretending, nothing will be easier than that.

To this day Clarke still can't believe how lucky she got to have found the two most understanding, least judging and perfectly stubborn girls in the world just when she needed them the most.

"What's that supposed to mean? I never made you do my homework, you offered!" Octavia defends herself and Clarke is already nodding along when she adds, "Don't rewrite history, Griffin!"

"Don't you mean herstory?" Clarke teases Octavia's tendency to get herself riled up and rant about feminism and sexism at every opportunity.

"Oh, shut up." Octavia grimaces at Clarke, and Clarke has to laugh again.

While they brainstorm things they'll need for the party and discuss who to invite, Clarke starts clearing and cleaning the tables around the Pilot House.

Perfectly content.

---

Clarke: Sowhat did you do today?

Clarke: I mean I know you're at the gym but what exercises?

Lexa: I did my usual routine with Lincoln in the morning and then some individual boxing and strength exercises in the afternoon.

Clarke: Did you do that thing with the bar again?

Lexa: The Salmon Ladder? Yes, I did.

Clarke: Lol salmon ladder? That's a weird name. So did you fall off again?

Lexa: Well, since I wasn't distracted this time, I didn't, actually.

Clarke: Mhm suuure. How DO you get off that thing anyway?When you're not being distracted that is ;)

Lexa: You kind of just have to do it backwards again. Either all the way down or until you're low enough to drop. Oftentimes the floor beneath it is padded or the coach will push a mattress under you to soften the fall should you slip.

Lexa: But I think I prefer the way I did it when you were there.

Clarke: Oh, yeah? How come?

Lexa: Well, for one, it's faster.

Clarke: hahaha. You idiot.

Lexa: And also it makes pretty girls look all worried about you and want to check if you're okay.

Clarke: Omg smooth lmao. So you fall for a lot of girls then?

Lexa: No! Actually, the phrasing was misleading, I apologize. I meant to reference our meeting the other day. The plural was just to generalize the statement. It was supposed to be witty. Anya always tells me to stop being so serious.

Lexa: I do not fall for a lot of girls. Actually, I've never fallen off the Salmon Ladder before the other day. I usually have better concentration than that.

Clarke snorts. Lexa is such a dork; a very cute, very awkward dork. And Clarke absolutely adores this side of Lexa and feels rather special to get to know it for some reason.

"What is it? Who's got you all smiley like that?" Octavia's voice cuts through Clarke's thoughts and she looks up from her phone.

The Pilot House is empty now except for one girl that's furiously typing along on her laptop, probably trying to avoid missing a deadline on a paper, and two guys lounging in one of the more comfortable booths, having what seems to be a rather unenthusiastic discussion about the notes in their hands.

Past them, outside the window, it's already dark.

"No one." Clarke says reflexively, but then chides herself internally. Why is she keeping the fact that she's texting with Lexa a secret? That's silly. There's absolutely no reason to.

Well, except the fact that she still hasn't told Octavia about her and Lexa's little make-out session at the club and her revelation that she might not be as straight as originally assumed.

Clarke sighs. "Just Lexa." She adds, because she's kind of starting to feel a bit guilty now; towards Octavia and towards Lexa.

Even though she doesn't even know what she and Lexa are doing and even though she doubts Lexa would ever make her feel guilty about something like this, Clarke still feels like keeping her relationship, or whatever this is, with Lexa a secret is wrong somehow. It's as if she were ashamed of her and Lexa deserves better than that.

Plus, just because they're texting doesn't mean that Clarke has to tell Octavia about everything right away. It's not like O will deduct they made out just from that.

Clarke hopes.

And she seems to be in luck.

"Ah." Octavia just comments, before a huge yawn forces her mouth wide open and her eyes shut.

It's the third one in just a few minutes and Clarke presses her lips together in a sympathetic expression, when Octavia groans and buries her face in her arms on the counter top.

She mumbles something that sounds like 'Oh my god, I'm so tired' into the sleeves of her sweater and Clarke thinks she made that rather obvious.

"Why are you so tired?" she asks and Octavia lazily turns her head on her arms, but only far enough to free her mouth, before she answers.

"Raven kept me up all night again. She was just going on and on and on about all this random crap and I couldn't get her to shut up or just let me leave and go to bed. I swear it's like she doesn't need any sleep lately!" she frowns and shakes her head in bewilderment.

"I know, right?" Clarke agrees. Raven's recent nocturnal energy wasn't news to her either. "I had to tell her like three times to turn it down this week. Who plays loud Jazz music at 3 am?"

"Annoying ass roommates, that's who." Octavia grumbles, before yet another yawn makes her eyes water. Clarke doesn't understand a word of what Octavia says during it.

"Huh?"

"I said, it's easy to stay up all night, when you skip first class." Octavia repeats what she apparently tried to say. "But unlike her, I actually attended my 8 am lecture this morning." She adds.

"She skipped?" Clarke asks, surprised. Sure, during high school it happened every now and then that Raven didn't see the point of one class or another, but Clarke doesn't think she's ever known her to skip one of her uni courses. Raven loves most of her lectures and seminars and even the ones she doesn't enjoy as much, she usually goes to, unless she's actually sick.

"That's not like her." She muses aloud, but Octavia seems more hung up on the annoying part of it than the curious one. Grumpy expression still in place she merely shrugs her shoulders lazily and then lifts her chin from her wrist to look at her watch.

"Ugh, where is she anyway? We said 8 give or take five minutes, not an hour! It's almost 9!" Octavia frowns and Clarke checks her watch as well out of reflex.

"I'm gonna text her and see where she is." Clarke says and closes the conversation with Lexa. But not before having to smile again at the last message the fighter sent. Dork!

When Raven doesn't even seem to have received the message about five minutes later and their call doesn't ring through either, they start to get worried.

Why would Raven not tell them if she was running late? And why would she not have her phone with her?

"Should we just go home and see if she's there? Maybe she forgot I was picking you guys up?" Octavia suggests, no hint of the previous annoyance in her voice anymore.

Clarke can't imagine Raven would forget something like that. They just agreed on it yesterday; it's not like that could have slipped her mind overnight, right? But she can't think of a better plan either, so she agrees.

Quickly she gathers her things and tells Roan, who's hanging out in the kitchen, taking care of some business on his super old laptop, that she's going now. She's merely met with an 'I thought you'd already left to be honest' though and a minute later Octavia and Clarke are stepping out into the cold, dark November evening.

The drive back home is silent, except for the tapping of Octavia's nervous hands on the steering wheel.

---

When Clarke and Octavia arrive at the apartment they can hear loud music coming from inside, before they even open the door. They throw each other a confused look as Octavia turns the key.

The sight they're met with is slightly disturbing. But at least they've found Raven.

She's sitting in the middle of the living room on the floor, surrounded by what seems to be just about every electrical and mechanical device, piece and junk their home had to offer. Her back is to the apartment door and she seems totally immersed in whatever project she's cooked up.

It's not too shocking that Raven is tinkering with something, but this seems a little extreme. Usually she at least calls when she's late because she forgot the time while fixing something or other. This time, however, Raven seems yet to have to notice that the two people she completely stood up are even in the room.

"Raven!" Octavia says in that moment, practically having to yell over the loud music. As the door bangs shut behind them, Raven whips around. Her facial expression is a mix between complete surprise and great glee and Clarke thinks she looks a little crazy. Like a kid at Christmas hopped up on sugar, who's just been told they'll go to Disneyland instead of school for the next three weeks.

"Hi!" Raven beams and out of the corner of her eye Clarke can see Octavia wearing an expression that portrays just what she's thinking as well.

Seriously?

Octavia stomps over to the kitchen island where Raven put the iPod station and shuts off the music.

"What the hell, Raven?"

"What are you doing?" Clarke chimes in as well, dropping her backpack. Her eyes wander over their apartment again, this time taking everything in more closely.

There are screws and wires and tools and what looks like multiple hard drives. Barely a free space remains on the floor and Octavia and Clarke have to direct their feet carefully as they walk over to Raven so as not to step on something. In short, the place is a mess.

"I can't tell you yet." Raven smirks and her eyes sparkle with excitement.

Octavia frowns. "What is all this?" she gestures around them, but Raven has already returned her attention to the object of her main focus.

Clarke and Octavia share a look. Not having known Raven as long as Octavia has, Clarke was hoping to see an eye roll or a shoulder shrug from the other girl, indicating that this is so typical, but instead she sees the same concern on Octavia's face that she feels herself. And a little anger, too.

When Octavia raises her eyebrows, Clarke just shakes her head. She doesn't know what to say. Normally she'd call Raven out for making them wait, but she seems so engrossed in her project, Clarke isn't even sure she'd head her.

Octavia seems to think otherwise. With an exasperated huff, she crosses her arms over her chest. "Where the hell have you been?" she asks, frowning at the back of Raven's head. As Clarke suspected the other girl doesn't respond right away. Or at all, in fact. Not until she gets yelled at again.

"Raven!" Octavia snaps, walking around their roommate to be able to look her in the face. "Where were you? We waited for over an hour!"

"What?" Raven mumbles and then she suddenly whips around, searching the floor for something. A second later she seems to spot it.

"Ah!" she exclaims and scrambles a little to her right on her knees, before picking up a coil of pliable wire.

"Oh my fucking god, would you stop?!"

When Octavia rips the coil out of Raven's hand it seems to be the first time Raven really notices how pissed off she is. With a confused, but sheepish look she looks up at her.
"What?"

"We were supposed to meet at the Pilot House?" Octavia spells it out for her and finally something seems to click.

"Oh my god! Oh, shit!" Raven's hands fly to her forehead. "Oh, man, I totally forgot! Is it that late already?" she looks at her wrist, but there's no watch. She never wears one.

Clarke frowns. She's seriously scattered today. Maybe she does need some sleep after all.

"Oh my god…" Octavia shakes her head, scoffing as she turns away. Clarke thinks she might just turn away and give Raven the silent treatment for a bit, but instead she whirls back almost immediately. Never a good sign.

"You forgot? We waited for you! You can't at least text? I was worried, you asshole!"

"I'm sorry, I was just- I'm really close to a break-through here, O! It'll be amazing, you'll see! Oh my god, you have no idea, guys!"

Out of the blue Raven starts laughing, clapping her hands on her thighs as she sits back on her feet. "It'll blow your minds. It'll blow everyone's minds! You'll see, it'll change things! It'll- it'll just- you'll see! Man, if you knew! And it's so simple! I mean, it's not, because I've been working at this for days and it's super complicated stuff, but no, considering the impact this will have, it's unprecedented! If I could just- if I could just calibrate this last little…" as she suddenly trails off, she scoots back over to the weird-looking device. It's about as big as a motorcycle helmet and seems to be a random assortment of all the things surrounding them. Clarke really isn't sure what it's supposed to be, she can't even venture a good guess.

"You're unbelievable." Octavia shakes her head again, before just dropping the coil between her and Raven. This time she really does walk away and as she passes Clarke she growls that she's going to take a shower now.

Clarke stands there a minute longer, watching Raven tie up different cords that stick out of her creation, adding pliable wire here and there. When she finally moves, Raven rounds on her.

"Clarke! Clarke, come here. Come here." She waves her over, voice dropping to an excited whisper.

What now?

Careful not to crush any of Raven's… mess under her shoes, she walks over to her.

"What?" she asks and then lets out al little shriek when Raven pulls her down by her wrist. Almost tipping forward, Clarke balances on her feet, crouched down to Raven's level.

"Have you told her yet? You haven't, right? You said I'd be there! That was the deal. I mean I so want to see her face! But have you? It's okay if you did. Because, I mean, at least she knows! Wait, does she?"

Once again Raven's words fly out in rapid tempo and Clarke has to focus to keep up.

"I- I haven't told her." She answers, trying to ignore the slight billow of smoke that's now emanating from the device. Raven's eyes are fixated on her, however.

"Why not? Do you think she'll be mad? Oh, but it'll probably be worse if you wait longer. On the other hand she might just love it. You could work out together or something. Do couples yoga or training or –"

"Yeah." Clarke interrupts Raven. It's way too late for one of Raven's high energy rants right now and Clarke suddenly feels like she's exhausted, even though most of her day was pretty laid back. Worrying about your roommate only to come home to her being in full-on nerd-mode apparently does that to a person.

"I'll tell her. Soon." She promises and Raven squeals.

"Yay!" she beams at Clarke for another second, before her eyes focus on something to Clarke's left. "Hey, hand me that!" she points to a blue screwdriver and Clarke doesn't even ask.

She just turns around and pulls the tool out from under one of Raven's text books, but by the time she's facing Raven again, Raven already seems to have moved on. Silently wondering if she should just leave Raven be or force her to get some sleep, she sets the screw driver down in between them.

She's just about to get up, when Raven's eyes snap to her again.

"So, is she coming?"

"What?"

"Lexa! On Saturday?"

"Saturday? W-"

"To O's party!"

"Oh!" Clarke slides back down onto the floor. "I- I haven't asked her." She tells Raven, who's eyes widen.

"What? You haven't?"

"I- should I?" Clarke furrows her eyebrows. She's been thinking about inviting Lexa, but something is holding her back.

Maybe it's because the moment never seemed right to ask. They were always talking about one thing or another and the topic of the party quickly slipped away each time Clarke thought about it.

Maybe it's because despite all their text conversations and all the times they make Clarke smile and all the little… moments they've been having, Clarke still isn't sure what they mean or if they're even real or if she's just making them up.

Or maybe it's because how much she actually wants Lexa there is really kind of scary.

"Wh- of course! Clarke, of course you have to invite her! Why wouldn't you! She was here for Halloween and that was before you guys even were a thing, right?" Raven argues and Clarke sees her point.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right." She murmurs. She pulls her phone out from the back pocket of her jeans and looks down at it. Yeah, she should invite Lexa. She should just do it.

It's exhilarating and a little nerve-wrecking how much Clarke suddenly notices her own heartbeat thumping on inside her chest at the thought that instead of texting she could even call Lexa.

While Clarke contemplates that exciting possibility, Raven is already back to her 'mind-blowing' project.

They both seem to be very wrapped up in their respective puzzles – Raven tinkering and mumbling things Clarke doesn't understand under her breath and Clarke trying to decide if she should call instead of text and what to say in either scenario – because when Octavia suddenly appears in front of them, seemingly showered and ready for bed, they both jump as if snapped out of a trance.

"I'm going to sleep." She tells Clarke, not giving Raven as much as a glance on her way to get a bottle of water out of the fridge.

Raven and Clarke tell her goodnight at the same time and then Clarke finally gets up from the floor. Her legs are sore and her back cracks and when she looks at her dad's watch she's surprised to see it's only a little past ten.

That's not too late for a call, is it?

---

Lexa just about sprints to the side of the ring, when her phone suddenly rings and Indra shoots her a murderous stare.

"Sorry! Sorry!" She apologizes as she shuts it off, but not before having another small heart attack when she sees that it's Clarke calling.

Clarke has never called her before! Why would she call her? They've only been texting so far. Did something happen?

For a brief moment she considers asking Indra for a short break or otherwise coming up with an excuse to slip out and call Clarke back, but then she decides it's probably not an emergency. Because why would Clarke call her if it were? She surely has enough friends, who she actually knows longer than a couple of weeks, who she's more likely to turn to than Lexa.

Still a little rattled nonetheless Lexa returns to her position opposite Lincoln, who's wordlessly asking who it was. She doesn't answer, but understands his curiosity. It's unusual for her to carry her phone around with her this much. And she next to never gets calls or even has the sound on.

Not wanting to draw any more attention to the incident, however, Lexa ignores him and lifts her gloved hands in front of her face instead, determined to get back into the zone.

A few hours earlier, Indra told Lexa that she signed her up for another fight in January. It was rather exciting to Lexa, when Indra told her they specifically requested her, even though this fight wasn't even related to her win in Tacoma.

She's resolute to better herself as much as she can for this fight. She wants to shatter her limits and learn how to control her own movements and breathing even better. She can do it, she knows she can. And the prospect of getting to follow the precise and goal-oriented training plan Indra, Lincoln and she will create for her makes her excited.

While her focus is trained on Lincoln and the feeling of the vibrations of the rings floor underneath her bare feet, somewhere in the back of Lexa's mind an imaginary phone call is taking place.

And when her adrenaline spikes and she attacks Lincoln with fierce control and unwavering strength, she knows it's Clarke's voice that spurs her on.

She isn't self conscious about it. She lets it fuel her fighting spirit.

The rush is elating and Lincoln never has a chance.

---

After their sparring match is over, Indra waves Lexa to the side.

Breathing heavily and wiping her bandaged wrist over her forehead, Lexa walks over to the taller woman. Lexa has stopped trying to read Indra's expressions for the most part, but this time she thinks she can see pride in the way her coach's eyes rest on her until she reaches her. It makes Lexa want to smile.

"That was good." Indra starts and Lexa feels reaffirmed in her assumption. Trying to breathe as quietly as possible so as to not miss any of Indra's insight and pointers, Lexa listens carefully.

"The level of concentration I saw just now is exactly what I expect from you in any and every fight. Your leg work is swift as always, but I would limit my back bounces after your attacks. You give him too much time and room to retaliate. Lincoln is strong and he doesn't need much of either to maximize his punch impact."

Lexa nods, mentally taking note of everything Indra is saying and replaying the moments in the ring she's referring to before her inner eye.

"I'd rather see you step to the side than backwards. Make him have to follow your choice of direction. Control your opponent and your surroundings. If you've seen him favor his right fist, step to the left and force him to either use his weaker side or adjust his stance. It'll give you an advantage."

"Understood." Lexa nods again, closing her eyes and taking a tiny step to the left, while ducking a hypothetical left hook. "Yeah, got it."

"Good. Also, I want to see you work on your back and core these coming weeks. You're flexible, but there is room for improvement on your upper body dodges; especially on the Y axis." Indra indicates the length of Lexa's upper body from the top of her head to her lower abs with her hand as if to either bless her or split her in half.

"I will." Lexa promises. "I think Lincoln has some ideas for exercises pertaining that range of movement."

"Good. Incorporate them in your routines and update me on the effectiveness in three days."

"Yes, coach." Lexa nods once. Indra mirrors her and then they link their lower arms as they do. And with that their briefing is closed.

As Indra exits the room, after nodding to Lincoln as well, Lexa quickly retrieves her phone from next to her bottle.

Apart from the missed call from before, she also has two new text messages from Clarke.

When she opens them, after quickly ripping the fingerless gloves from her sweaty hands, she's very aware of how hyped up her body still is. Her hands are shaking slightly and both her breathing and heart rate are elevated and it just adds to the excitement conversing with Clarke always brings about anyway.

Clarke: So I'm assuming you're working out or something and that's why you cut my call off. Oops! Sorry! (Hope your scary coach doesn't know it's me who's interrupting again! Don't tell her!) I just wanted to ask if you want to come to Octavia's birthday party maybe? It's on Saturday and it's at our apartment again. It'll be fun! We'll drink, we'll dance and who knows maybe I'll even make out with you again if you play your cards right ;) Really it'll be a blast. And maybe this time I'll even get you to beer pong with me? Let me know :)

Clarke: Oh, also Octavia totally wants you to come, too. Just so you know and don't feel awkward about it. It's not like you'd be crashing or something. You're officially invited by both of us. So that's double the unsaid obligation right there and you really can't say no if you think about it.

Lexa's abs twitch when she lets out a silent laugh. She just can't get over how direct Clarke can be. Lexa knows if she tried to invite Clarke to something she'd never be able to be as smooth and straightforward, but Clarke makes it look easy. Like it's no big deal that she just basically invited Lexa over and said they might kiss. How does she do that? Lexa's ears feel warm just from reading that and she has to shake her head. Clarke is something else for sure.

"Everything alright?" Lincoln asks and Lexa almost startles. He's coming up behind her and Lexa quickly locks her screen. "Is that the caller from before?"

"Um, yeah." Lexa nods once, shoving her phone in her shorts pocket.

"Ah, okay." Lincoln nods. He doesn't say anything more, but Lexa can tell he's dying to know who it is. She decides there's really no harm in telling him Clarke invited her to Octavia's party. After all, they'd both be going and Lexa might need a ride, too.

"It was Clarke actually." She says and she's surprised at how normal it feels to say that. As if Clarke called her at the gym all the time and Lexa always told Lincoln about it. As if Clarke and she together were a normal thing. As if it had always been this way.

It feels really good and Lexa feels warm inside in a very soft sort of way. She smiles. "She invited me to Octavia's party."

At that Lincoln suddenly slaps his hand against his forehead and Lexa frowns in confusion.

"Oh, shit! Oh man! Octavia told me to invite you like a couple of days ago already! Damn, I totally forgot, I'm so sorry!" he apologizes, his face screwed up in a regretful expression.

Lexa almost has to laugh again. She just suddenly feels so light.

"It's okay, Lincoln!" she reassures her friend. And she really means it, too. If she's totally honest, she's actually happy he forgot to tell her. She loved getting invited by Clarke.

Suddenly something else occurs to her and her smile falters.

"Are you sure?" Lincoln asks, but she has more pressing matters to address.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Hey, so what are you getting Octavia?"

She just realized she'll have to get Octavia a present for her birthday, too, and she really doesn't know Octavia well enough to know what she would like.

"Oh!" Within the blink of an eye Lincoln seems to forget all about feeling bad and excitement takes over his face instead. "Okay, so I was thinking I'd plan a whole day for us! At first I'd obviously pick her up for breakfast and I know that there's this bagel place she really loves, so I was thinking that might be a good spot. After that we'd walk over to the gym where she always goes climbing and just spend a couple of hours there. She's so amazing, you know, she showed me this video of her climbing and it's so impressive! It looks so easy when she does it and she's so fast, too! Anyway, after that we'd grab a bite to eat at the coffee shop where we had our first date and after that I know a great place where they let you rent horses and go horseback riding through the woods before it gets dark. She's been saying how much she misses being on a horse, so I thought that might be cool, you know? So, yeah, what do you think?"

Lexa isn't one to coo, but she almost feels the urge to now. That is one of the sweetest things she's ever heard. Lincoln really has that whole boyfriend thing down. While she's totally fine with not actually being one to coo, Lexa kind of wishes she were one to find it easier to ask others for advice on her romantic endeavors all of a sudden.

"I think she'll absolutely love it." Lexa answers honestly and Lincoln beams at her, nodding slightly.

"Good. Good."

Watching Lincoln smile as he stuffs his water bottle into his duffle bag, Lexa totally forgets that she meant to ask him what she should get for Octavia.

When she remembers a little later, on her way home, she thinks maybe someone else could help her with that as well.

---

Clarke is already in bed, when she finally gets a reply from Lexa.

Ever since she sent those texts, inviting Lexa to come on Saturday, she's been a bit impatient. It's not that she's nervous about what she implied – she's pretty sure if she had said it in person, she would have gotten Lexa to blush – no, quite the opposite. She's excited to read Lexa's reply. She imagines it to be awkward and cute or painfully correct and completely avoiding the subject or maybe even slightly flirting and funny. Either way she's been dying to read what Lexa would say, so when her phone finally dings and the alert announcing a new text from Lexa flashes on the screen, Clarke almost drops her phone.

Quickly she quits out of the game she's been playing to pass the time and opens the message.

Lexa: Are you still awake?

Slightly disappointed not to get to read an actual reaction to her text – yet – Clarke hurries to reply.

Clarke: Yes :)

Biting her lip, Clarke watches the little speech bubble announcing that Lexa is typing. Finally it stops. A moment later another text appears and Clarke's heart skips a beat.

Lexa: Do you mind if I call you?

Her lips spread into a wide grin and she sits up a little straighter against the headboard. Instead of answering, she calls Lexa herself.

It takes Lexa two rings to pick up and Clarke imagines her eyes widening. It's highly entertaining and her grin turns into a delighted giggle.

Finally Lexa answers.

"Clarke! Hello!"

"Hey, Lexa." Clarke stifles another giggle. "What's up?"

"I'm calling you, because I was wondering, if you could help me with something." Lexa says and Clarke hears cars passing by in the background.

"Where are you?" Clarke asks, because it's almost eleven at night and even though she probably doesn't have to worry about Lexa the MMA fighting army chick the thought of her walking home alone at night still makes her frown.

"I'm just on my way home from the gym." Lexa answers and Clarke hums, unsure if she should mention being worried. She decides it wouldn't really be appropriate, so she dives back into the actual reason for the call. Or more precisely, finding out what exactly that is.

"So, what do you need my help with?"

"Since you know Octavia better than me, I thought you could maybe give me some advice on what to get her for her birthday."

Clarke, who's been smiling at the new experience of hearing the subtle differences between Lexa's actual voice and her voice through the phone, raises her eyebrows.

"Oh! Naw, that's so sweet." She grins, because, well, it is, and also because she's still feeling giddy talking to Lexa and her face kind of does what it wants. And apparently it wants to express happiness through smiling and grinning. Lots and lots of happiness. "So, you're coming?"

"Yes, I am. Thank you very much for the invitation, Clarke." Lexa's voice is almost swallowed by another passing car and Clarke presses the phone closer to her ear.

"Cool, I'm glad." Clarke smiles and then stills her other hand, when she notices it's been tracing the patterns of her duvet covers. "Couldn't say no to the double obligation, hm?"

When Lexa speaks next Clarke thinks she hears a smile in her voice. It makes her wish she could see it.

"I really couldn't; even if I wanted to."

They talk for a little while longer and by the end Clarke somehow ended up on her round chair next to the bed and tapping her feet against the wall. Slightly surprised, she sits up straighter and swivels around so she isn't facing the corner anymore.

"Okay, well, I'm glad you're home." Clarke tells Lexa, choosing to ignore her apparently restless feet by shoving them underneath herself.

"You really didn't have to stay on until I was, Clarke." Lexa says and the softness in her voice when she says Clarke's name makes Clarke's heart flutter inside her chest. Now that there's no more traffic or air distorting their call, Lexa's voice is a lot clearer, too. Clarke can almost pretend she's actually here.

"I know, but I wanted to." Clarke shrugs, even though Lexa can't even see her. "Plus, it was impossible to shut you up." She adds jokingly.

While Lexa certainly talked more than Clarke expected her to, Clarke was still responsible for most of the conversation. She doesn't mind, but she also isn't surprised to have found that she really enjoys listening to Lexa describe her favorite training exercises and tell her more about living with Anya.

At the Halloween party Lexa already told her a little bit about the other woman, but there's still so much Clarke doesn't know and she can't wait to find out more about Lexa's relationship with her. She's also especially hoping to find out more about what Lexa's childhood was like. After tonight, she's pretty confident that Lexa really might confide in her someday, too.

"Well, thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it."

"No problem. She'll love whatever you give her though. Especially when she's already drunk. Hard fact."

"Good to know."

Again a smile is palpable through Lexa's tone and Clarke really wishes she could see it this time. Swallowing a sigh she leans back against the pillows in her red armchair.

For a few moments neither of them speaks. The silence isn't uncomfortable, however. On the contrary, Clarke thinks she could just sit here with Lexa on the phone forever and she wouldn't get bored or feel awkward at all, even if they didn't say a single word the whole time.

It's Lexa who talks first and Clarke almost startles at how close she sounds. She must have moved her mouth closer to the device or something, because her next words, even though more softly spoken than Clarke has ever heard, are crystal clear and coursing through Clarke with every syllable.

"I really enjoyed our talk tonight."

Clarke smiles.

"Me, too."

After a short pause, Lexa adds, "Actually, I really enjoy all of our talks."

Clarke's smile broadens and she feels goose bumps erupt on the back of her neck.

"Me, too." She admits again in a lower voice.

The third pause of the evening feels heavy with something unsaid and Clarke's chest constricts in a fluttery way.

"Goodnight, Clarke." Lexa almost whispers and Clarke has to close her eyes.

"Goodnight, Lexa." Her own voice sounds rough, but she barely notices. All she knows is that she can't wait to see Lexa again on Saturday. And hopefully a lot of times after that.

They hang up and Clarke remains in the chair for a few moments longer, before she gets up with a sigh. She snuggles back under the covers and is just shutting off her lamp when a yawn forces her lips apart. It's big and makes her eyes water and suddenly she notices how tired she actually is.

Wiggling a little against her mattress to get comfortable, Clarke feels incredibly happy and content.

As she drifts off to sleep, Clarke just barely notices the loud music coming from Raven's room.

---

Clarke opens the drawer Octavia pointed at. No napkins.

"Nope, not in here either. Maybe you're out?"

"Ugh, really?" Octavia puts down the plastic cups and comes over to Clarke's side. "But mom said she put them in there." She reaches into the drawer herself and lifts the placemats like Clarke did just a second ago. Unsurprisingly the napkins they've been looking for haven't magically appeared out of nowhere in that time.

"Damn!" Octavia curses and looks around her childhood kitchen.

While Raven got assigned the task to go to the store and load up on party food and drinks and what else they might need, Octavia and Clarke took the bus to Octavia's mom's house to pick up some cups and napkins and to meet Bellamy who offered to bring them a keg in his car and help them carry it up to their apartment.

"I can just text Raven to pick some napkins up after all." Clarke suggests, pulling out her phone.

Frowning and still looking through various drawers and cabinet shelves, Octavia agrees half-heartedly. "Yeah, I guess."

Clarke sits down on the bench at the kitchen table and starts typing. Raven should already be at the store. Clarke just hopes she has her phone with her.

"I just thought I saw some the other day when we were cleaning out the shed." Octavia mumbles, apparently still not quite convinced she won't figure out where her mom might have put them. After a few more minutes of opening and closing seemingly random cupboard doors, Octavia finally stuffs the paper plates and cups she found inside the bag she brought and sits down next to Clarke.

"Whatever." She sighs and Clarke looks up from her phone.

Raven immediately texted back confirming that she got it. Unlike her, Lexa hasn't texted Clarke back in almost three hours and even though Clarke knows she's probably just busy at the gym like usual, she can't stop checking her phone.

Octavia pulls what's left of the sandwich they bought on the way over out of her backpack and starts eating it with relish, leaning back in the wooden chair. Clarke already finished hers and while Octavia is chewing with round cheeks, her mind suddenly goes into overdrive. She glances down to the phone in her hands again, where her conversation with Lexa is still open.

Clarke's been wanting to fill Octavia in about everything that's happened with Lexa, but somehow it never seems to be the right time. Or is that just an excuse? Clarke thinks that maybe the reason why she's been so hesitant to tell Octavia despite Raven already being in the know is that Octavia somehow seems closer to the whole situation. She's always hanging out at the gym these days and with Lincoln being friends with Lexa, too, it just feels like telling Octavia will make everything too…real.

Real in a sense that there really is something more than a crush going on and real in a sense that Clarke and Lexa's lives will be intertwined whether anything develops or not. It would make everything too real and real things can break. Real things can end and real things can hurt you and Clarke doesn't want that for Lexa and her. Clarke doesn't want it to end.

Clarke sighs internally.

But she does want things to be real. So much.

She wants these moments Lexa and she have been sharing to be real and she wants the times she catches Lexa off guard and Lexa stumbles over her own words to be real. She wants their laughs to be real and she wants the heavy silences that speak so loudly when they should be hanging up the phone but don't to be real. She wants it all to be real and most of all she wants Lexa.

And she wants everyone to know how amazing she is.

Octavia snorts and then a phone is being held in front of Clarke's face.

"Look, Lincoln's sweated himself a bra." She grins.

The picture on Octavia's phone shows Lincoln and indeed he's extremely sweaty. His face is glistening and he's letting his tongue loll out of his mouth, a sympathy-inducing look in his eyes.

His light teal colored training shirt is sweat stained and as she looks closer, Clarke gets what Octavia means. The dark patterns the sweat has made on Lincoln's shirt almost perfectly imitate the form of a bra. Admittedly a very broad and deformed one, but a bra nonetheless.

Clarke snorts as well.

"Suits him." She comments and Octavia nods amusedly.

"That's what I said, too. Told him he's surely the prettiest girl in the gym."

Clarke silently disagrees, but doesn't say out loud who she thinks actually is the prettiest girl. Anywhere.

Instead she takes the opportunity to direct the conversation where she has decided she needs it to go.

"He's training with Lexa again, right?"

"Yeah" Octavia nods, still grinning at her phone as she types something. "They'll be done in time for the party though. He promised."

"Good." Clarke nods, somewhat distractedly. Suddenly she's unsure if today is the best day to tell Octavia. She doesn't want her to make any stupid innuendos to Lexa when she's drunk later at the party. Then again, with Raven already knowing there's a very slim chance Clarke will be able to stop that from happening anyway. Actually, Raven is a bigger threat in that sense than Octavia now that she thinks about it. O has just a tiny bit more self-control usually. Although with alcohol in the mix there's really no guarantee.

Great. Now she's psyching herself out. Maybe she shouldn't have invited Lexa at all!

No…

No, she really wants her there.

She'll just have to hope and pray that both Octavia and Raven can keep it together and not do anything that will make Lexa uncomfortable; hope and pray and threaten them.

"Do you see her a lot?" Clarke starts, trying to figure out how to naturally lead the conversation to the topic of Lexa and her.

"Hm?"

"Lexa."

"Oh, yeah every now and then. She's usually off with a client or training when I'm there." Octavia tells Clarke and puts down her phone.

Clarke nods again. She almost wishes O were still concentrated on her phone and not her. Barely aware of it, she traces the circumference of her father's watch with her right index finger.

"I saw her train when I came with you to the gym," Clarke goes on.

"She's amazing, right? The other day she was sparring with Lincoln and I seriously couldn't keep my eyes off her even with him there." Octavia laughs. "She owned his ass." She grins and then quickly adds, "Don't tell him I told you that, though."

Clarke smiles and promises she won't, while silently wishing she could have been there to see the sparring, too. Maybe after Octavia is caught up she'll get her to tell her when Lincoln and Lexa will do it next and come watch.

When the conversation threatens to die, Clarke internally pulls herself together. Now or never, she thinks.

"Hey, so, I've actually been meaning to tell you something." She blurts out and Octavia raises her eyebrows.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Clarke lightly bites the inside of her cheek. "Yeah, okay, so Lexa and I, we've been kind of getting really close, right?"

"Right?" Octavia echoes slowly, face displaying careful suspicion.

"Right, yeah."

Come on, like a band aid.

"Like, we've been texting and talking on the phone and I really like her."

"Okay?" Octavia says in the same slow voice and tone as before.

Clarke wishes she could just project her thoughts into Octavia's head. She doesn't know why she's so nervous about this. She likes a girl, so what? Octavia doesn't care. Nobody cares. Raven literally had sex with a girl in their apartment on multiple occasions and not just in her bedroom either. Both Clarke and Octavia have had the misfortune of walking in on something they weren't expecting at least once each, not even to mention the things they've overheard.

So, really, this should be beyond easy. Why is this so goddamn nerve-wrecking? It makes no damn sense.

"Clarke?"

"We made out at the club." She finally just spills and for a moment it's dead silent in the warm kitchen. Until...

"Wait, for real? Wait, you…Oh my g- OH MY GOD!" Octavia almost jumps out of her chair, she leans forward so fast.

"Oh my god, what?" another voice suddenly comes from the doorway. It's Bellamy's.

Stuffing something into his jacket pocket, he comes strolling into the room and before anyone can say anything else, his dog Raina races past him. Tongue lolling happily and tail wagging excitedly she runs back and forth between the two girls. Her panting is super loud and Clarke doesn't know how she didn't hear her coming.

"Oh my god, what?" Bellamy echoes in his deep voice and Octavia turns to Clarke with an expression that makes it look like she's ready to burst. Clarke knows she's silently asking her for permission to tell her brother.

Ah, what the hell, might as well tell everyone.

Clarke sighs and nods as she pats Raina's neck.

"Clarke's banging a girl!" Octavia shouts out excitedly.

"Octavia!"

"What?!"

Bellamy looks about as shocked and confused as if someone just told him he's not wearing any pants.

"I'm not banging her, oh my god!" Clarke protests, while Raina licks her hand and wiggles her chin onto Clarke's thigh.

"We're just…you know…I don't know. She's just…ugh, she's just so…you know…Lexa!" Clarke scrambles, unable to explain exactly how Lexa makes her feel.

"Oh my gooood." O squeals. "You're so cute."

"Wh- Lexa who? Wait, Lexa the fighter chick? The one from Halloween?" Bellamy asks, voice still sounding beyond perplexed.

"Yeah," Clarke confirms, before Octavia cuts in.

"Oh god, okay so you made out at the club? At my trial night? When? How was it? Wait, are you guys like a couple now? Why didn-"

"O!" Clarke throws into Octavia's ramble.

"Sorry! Sorry! You go!" Octavia presses her lips together, putting both of her hands out towards Clarke, while Bellamy slowly seems to unfreeze in the doorway.

He leans against the light brown wooden sideboard across the kitchen from Clarke and crosses his arms over his chest, watching Clarke intently.

Clarke takes a breath. Somehow she's really glad Raina is there to give her something to do with her hands. It's taking some of the tension out of the situation for her. Especially with Bellamy's intense stare and Octavia's crazy energy both directed at her.

"Okay, well, it's really not that big of a deal. We just, you know, made out a little when we were dancing." Clarke tries to make it sound more casual than it felt. Those two need to chill, she's already nervous enough and patting a dog only helps so much.

"Okay, and?" Octavia prods, face still showing utter delight at the prospect of further details. She just knows Clarke way too well as to buy that that was really all there was to it.

Seeing that O is almost bouncing in her chair with excitement, Clarke rolls her eyes up, but can't help but laugh, somewhat nervously. "And…then we kissed again when I went in for my phone." She admits and Octavia squeals again.

"Oh my god."

"Wait, so she's gay?" Bellamy frowns and Octavia whirls around to him.

"Well, obviously! I doubt she confused Clarke Double D here with a dude." She scoffs, rolling her eyes at her brother, whose frown only deepens.

"What?"

"Yes. Yes, she's gay." Clarke sighs, addressing Bellamy, before she halts. "At least, I think she is. We haven't really talked about it, but there's been…"

"Yes?" Octavia encourages her to go on.

"Vibes…I guess. I don't know." Clarke shrugs, not really knowing how to explain why she's pretty sure Lexa is gay. With all the questions that have been plaguing her, that was never one of them for some reason.

"Vibes? What the hell does that even mean?" Bellamy echoes, but both Clarke and Octavia ignore him.

"So, you haven't talked about the kiss at all?" Octavia inquires instead and Clarke shakes her head, looking down at Raina as she scratches behind the dog's ears. Raina's chin is still resting on Clarke's thigh, but the black Belgian Shepherd has closed her eyes now and seems thoroughly relaxed.

"Do you want to? Do you like her?" Octavia asks on and Clarke doesn't know what to say. Does she like Lexa? Yes, that's easy to answer. But does she know how much and does she want to talk about the kiss with her? Those are a little tougher.

"I don't know. I mean, I do like her. A lot." She emphasizes and Octavia pouts adoringly at her, but wisely doesn't interrupt Clarke with another squeal. "But I don't know if she's someone that talks about stuff like that. She's pretty...awkward with things like that." Clarke says and a broad grin settles on her lips.

"Awkward?" Octavia echoes with a disbelieving tone of voice. "Lexa? Get out!" she laughs, before tilting her head and furrowing her eyebrows. "Although, on the other hand...yeah, I can actually totally see that."

Clarke laughs as well. "Yeah, it's really cute, too. The other day I teased her about something and she got all flustered."

Octavia shakes her head. "Wild."

Clarke nods, feeling the same happy and free feeling spread through her that she felt after first telling Raven. "Yeah"

"Wait, hold on, so are you like a lesbian now?" Bellamy holds up a hand, still frowning in confusion and Clarke wonders if those cautionary tales could actually be true and Bellamy wore his perplexed grimace for so long that now his face will just stay like that forever.

"No, I still like men." Clarke explains, having come to that conclusion the other night when she looked up various actors she used to fancy when she was younger and getting stuck on some of their pictures. Yes, she's definitely still into men. But also… "But I also like…Lexa."

"Mhm, mhm." Bellamy nods and Octavia shoots him a disapproving look to which he reacts by mouthing 'what!' at her.

Shaking her head, Octavia turns back around to Clarke.

"It doesn't matter, Clarke. You can like whoever you want and you don't have to have it all figured out yet." She extends her hands over the table, palms facing up. Clarke smiles gratefully and puts her own hands in them. When Octavia squeezes, Clarke feels her eyes tearing up a bit from one second to the next and Bellamy coos.

"Naw, of course you don't have to have it all figured out yet." He says and pushes off the sideboard. Smiling gently, he quickly walks over to Clarke and lays a hand over her shoulder, shaking it lightly. "You just make sure she's good enough for you. Or he, or whoever." He squeeze Clarke's shoulder as well and then bends down and kisses the top of her head.

Breathing out a laugh she leans her head against his stomach and smiles. "I will."

"I mean it!" he looks down at her. "It may be controversial, but I'll kick anyone's ass, who hurts you. Woman or no!" he swears in a solemn tone and both Clarke and Octavia burst out laughing at once.

"Hey!" he holds his hands out to his sides, while Raina opens her eyes at the commotion and her tail starts wagging like crazy again. "What's so funny?"

Neither of the girls can answer him right away, however, as their laughter prevents them from speaking.

"What's so funny?" Bellamy repeats with an offended expression, looking between Octavia and Clarke. "I totally would!"

"Oh, honey, you couldn't beat Lexa in a thumb war." Clarke finally gets out between laughs and Octavia immediately chimes in as well.

"She would knock you out, before you even got close to her! Flat on your ass! Bam!" Octavia mimics punching someone and then collapses back against her chair, letting laughter take over again.

"Hey! I could hold my own against her!" Bellamy defends and just the image of him trying to get anywhere near Lexa, makes Clarke howl with renewed laughter as well.

"I could! What the hell!" he shouts over them, but when they only keep on laughing and Octavia even wipes a tear from her eye he just throws his arms up in the air and grumbles something under his breath, turning away from them and walking back towards the sideboard.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod," Octavia finally wheezes, slowly getting herself under control again. She's holding her stomach and Raina, excited by all the noise and laughter, bores her snout underneath her hands, sniffing wildly. Her tail hits the foot of the bench with loud bangs and Clarke reaches out her hand to pat the dog's flank as she calms down as well.

"That was so good." Octavia sighs and Bellamy scoffs and grinds his jaw. Not wanting another Blake fall-out, Clarke decides it's time to change the subject.

"Alright, I think we should get going. We still need to set up and Raven probably needs some help getting all the groceries and party supplies inside." She points out, already standing up from the bench, careful not to tread on any paws.

"Yeah, you're right." Octavia agrees, but even then another round of giggles escapes her.

"Bell, do you have the keg?" Clarke asks, determined to pour oil on troubled waters, before they can even get really bad in the first place.

"Yeah," the boy mumbles, still looking a little dark. But then Raina pads over to him, eyeing him expectantly, waiting to see what they'll be doing next, and his face softens. "Yeah, of course I got it."

"Awesome!" Octavia claps her hands as she scoots back her chair, the excitement for the party seemingly having pushed everything else to the back of her mind for now.

The three of them follow Raina out to Bellamy's car. While Octavia claims her seat in the back between Raina and the strapped in keg, excitedly patting both, Clarke sits up front with Bellamy.

On the ride back to theirs he shoots her a few looks, but doesn't ask anything more. Instead he puts on the radio and thus ensues the endless debate between the two siblings over what stations are and aren't cool. While the two Blakes bicker, Bellamy slapping Octavia's hand away more than once as she tries to reach the knob and turn it, and yelling at her to sit back and put a seatbelt on for the love of God, Clarke leans her head back against the head rest and looks out of the window.

Her hands are in her lap and between them is her phone.

Lexa still hasn't replied.

---

When Octavia, Clarke and Bellamy get back to the apartment, Raven is already fully immersed in party preparations.

And by the looks of it she bought the entire store.

There are about twenty different paper garlands and fairy light chains, countless balloons and party hats and Clarke even spots at least three different kinds of plastic cups next to more napkins than she can count.

"Wh- Raven what the hell is all this stuff?" Clarke asks, feeling as shocked as Octavia looks. Octavia is staring at the mess around them with wide eyes as she holds the door open for Bellamy. Alone the older Blake doesn't seem to notice anything amiss and merely groans as he heaves the keg through the door after a fashion.

"Oh, hi!" Raven looks over her shoulder from across the room, where she's obviously trying to get one of the fairy light chains to stop rolling off the top of the shelf. As she turns around it slips over the edge and falls to the floor, but Raven doesn't seem to care anymore.

Instead, the brown-haired girl picks up a couple of thick candles and places them on the window sill closest to her.

"Hey, where do you want this?" Bellamy's strained question temporarily distracts Clarke from the scene in front of her.

"Oh, shit."

"God, here, come on."

Octavia and Clarke both lead him to the kitchen island and help him push the heavy keg onto it. Arching his back with a painful grimace on his face, Bellamy groans again and then scoots onto one of the bar stools. Only then does he seem to fully take in the state of their apartment for the first time.

"Holy shit, what happened here?" he exclaims, looking around at all the bags of chips and snacks that are covering most of the floor. "How many people are coming to his party? I thought it wasn't going to be that big!"

"It's not! I only invited like fifteen people!" Octavia tells him and her expression is utterly overwhelmed. "Raven, why did you get all this stuff? It's way too much!"

"No! No, no, no! We need all this!" Raven insists, indicating all that she bought with both of her arms extended. "Yeah, 'cause see, these are to make everything sparkle and shine," Raven explains, taking a tangled bundle of fairy lights into her hand, while picking up what looks like a brand new portable stereo box into the other, "and we need music, of course! And snacks and drinks and candles and they had these awesome books on cocktails and bar tending and party games at the store, so I got some of those, too!"

"Oh my god!"

"Why? We can google that stuff!"

"What the hell, Raven!"

The three of them protest in shock as Raven lists things Clarke hadn't even noticed yet.

"We can't afford all this stuff!" Octavia argues, seemingly getting really worked up judging by the way her voice has taken up a certain shrillness and urgency. "Raven, I just got out of the red, what are you doing?"

"No, it's fine! I got it! It's my birthday present to you or something!" Raven beams, speed walking over to them and picking up a bottle of something from the floor near the couch on the way. When she gets closer Clarke can see it's an oversized champagne bottle, one like they have in a display or in a special place high up on a shelf in bars because people only ever order it on special occasions.

"Look!" Raven practically squeaks, holding the bottle up to Octavia, and wearing an almost scarily excited expression. "Look, how big it is!"

For once Octavia seems lost for words and Clarke can't think of an appropriate response either. All either of them can manage is to continue staring at Raven as if she had gone insane. What is going on?

"Am I missing something? Did you win the lottery or something? Is someone getting married?" Bellamy tries to make sense of Raven's shopping spree, but Raven only laughs at him as if he made a very funny joke. Then she sees the keg.

"Oh my god! That is so awesome! Wow! What beer is in it? How do you do that plop thing again? Can I try it? Oh my god, can I funnel with my feet up? Can you hold me up? Not now, of course, later I mean. Oh my god, we could do a contest! I bet I could beat you, Bell!"

While Raven inspects the keg from all sides, Clarke and Octavia exchange a look. Something's up for sure. Even for Raven this is excessive. Clarke throws Octavia a questioning look. Did something happen? Should they talk to her about it? Octavia's worried looks makes way for an annoyed one however. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes up, mumbling "I can't deal with this today." under her breath.

Then she thanks Bellamy, interrupting him from explaining to Raven how to tap the keg, and tells Clarke that she'll go for a quick shower. After all it's almost 4 pm already and the first guests arrive at 8.

---

Lexa's never minded not having a mirror in her room, but when Anya makes the third comment of the evening about how whipped she is for Clarke as she examines yet another outfit in their mirror in the bathroom, she really wishes she did.

It's not her fault everything she owns makes her look bleak and boring. Clarke always looks so amazing without even trying. How does she do that?

"You know, if you stare just a little harder you might actually turn that button up into a little black dress. Like a gay Jesus, but with outfits instead of wine. Oh! Or a gay fairy godmother!" Anya starts laughing as she passes Lexa on her way to the kitchen.

Lexa merely shows her the finger, but Anya is already around the corner and doesn't even see it. What a shame.

After another look at her own reflection, Lexa comes to the inevitable conclusion that everything she owns is garbage. Groaning, she walks out of the bathroom and turns off the lights behind her.

"Naw, come on. What's wrong? Not ready for the ball, Pumpkin-Princess?" Anya grins, leaning against the dinner table.

"I have nothing to wear." Lexa deadpans, not wanting to give Anya the satisfaction or encouragement by reacting to her teasing.

"What's wrong with what you're wearing right now?" Anya drops the antics and gestures at Lexa.

Lexa looks down at herself. The upper button of her button up is undone and the hem of it is crumbled as she pulled it out of her black dress pants as she frustratingly decided against this outfit.

"It's boring!" she exclaims, throwing her hands up helplessly. "I always look the same! Why don't I have anything more…" she doesn't know what word should conclude that sentence. She has never really been unhappy with her wardrobe. In the army that was a non-issue anyway, but even before or since it's never been something Lexa worried over.

"…sexy?" Anya suggests and Lexa shrugs.

Yeah, maybe sexy is what she's looking for. Then again just the thought of wearing a low cut skintight dress makes her grimace. It's just not her. She thinks. She really doesn't even know anymore.

"Ugh, I don't know." She almost whines now and when she throws her head back, Anya seems to finally take her frustration seriously.

"Okay, you need to calm down, Lex." She says as she walks over to Lexa. You look fine! Seriously! I'm sure Blondie digs the stud look anyway. Plus, I highly doubt she'll even notice what you're wearing once you start making out."

"Anya!" Lexa whines, ears burning. "I'm being serious!"

"So am I!" Anya defends, but before Lexa can protest again, she just rolls her eyes up and grabs Lexa by the wrist. "Alright, alright, come on, I'll help you."

Instead of back to Lexa's room, Anya directs Lexa into her own and tells her to sit down on the bed while she picks her an outfit that will 'make Blondie so thirsty not even one of your stupid electrolyte-drinks will be able to save her'.

In the end Lexa managed to successfully veto three variations of a very leather-heavy outfit and convince Anya that she's not the type for miniskirts or a cleavage that almost reaches the navel either. Lexa almost wanted to give up and go with the good old button up after all, when Anya pulled something black out of her closet.

At first sight Lexa thought it was a floor-length dress, but Anya squashed her protest before Lexa could even verbalize it by showing her the separating pants legs.

Looking at herself in the mirror now Lexa can't quite get herself to feel comfortable in the long sleeved, skinny legged jumpsuit, but Anya seems sold.

"Stop fidgeting! You look fucking hot." She comments, slapping Lexa's hands away from her hips with both of hers. Lexa stops pulling on the material and, at Anya's gestured insistence, turns around trying to eye her own reflection over her shoulder.

The back is the real eye-catcher of the one-piece. Held together by a hand-sized circle at the center of her upper back, a cascade of black skeins hang in crescents on either side, loosely bridging over the span of her back to her sides, forming what almost looks like wings.

"Are you sure?" Lexa furrows her eyebrows. It looks very revealing to her. Not that she's self-conscious about her body, but it is only a house party after all and she wouldn't want to draw eyes due to being utterly overdressed.

"Lexa." Anya turns Lexa back around and puts her hands on Lexa's upper arms, making her look her in the eyes. "You look banging, honestly. Clarke will absolutely love it, stop over-thinking."

Nodding slightly, more to convince herself than anything else, Lexa glances at her reflection again. Right. Just stop over-thinking.

That can't be that hard, right?

Unfortunately, as she can't keep from fidgeting with the outfit for the whole ride to Clarke's, Lexa finds that it actually is really hard. Really, really hard.

And as well-meant as they might be, Anya's parting words of 'You got this, just stop being such a chickenshit!' don't really help either.

---

Before Lexa rings the door bell she texts Clarke that she's here.

She's not sure why. She just knows that Clarke triple texted her earlier, when she didn't reply for a while because she was training, and just a few moments ago she sent another text that reads:

Clarke: Where are you? You're missing all the fun! Raven just tied with Jasper at head over heels funneling and now they're starting a whole contest series! I need you to save me! Or join my team, either way is fine by me. Just get here already!

Having Clarke so unabashedly show her she wants her there and is getting impatient about it makes Lexa want to grin and fist pump, but most of all it makes her want to finally see Clarke again and experience her excitement firsthand. It makes her want to save Clarke or join her team or whatever she wants and it makes her want to be the reason Clarke laughs and smiles and does that cute blinking thing she does on the rare occasions that Lexa catches her off guard for a change.

It just makes her want to be with Clarke.

And Clarke to be the one who answers the door, just so she can have those few extra seconds to look at her and be alone with her, before the hubbub of the party sucks them both in.

To Lexa's surprise Clarke answers right away.

Clarke: Finally! Be right down! Don't move!

Not having expected Clarke to come all the way down to pick her up, instead of merely buzzing her in and opening the apartment door for her upstairs, Lexa suddenly feels all fidgety again. Fidgety, but excited.

Lexa can't be sure if Clarke just offered to get her from all the way downstairs to get some fresh air, but a little voice inside her still ecstatically insists that it is because she wants those extra seconds, too.

Before Lexa can spend anymore thoughts on the subject, however, the door in front of her is flung inwards and there is Clarke, breathing heavily and beaming brightly and looking indescribably stunning.

Her red-tinted cheeks are covered in some sort of faint body glitter and her hair looks incredibly soft as it cascades down to her shoulders in small, gentle curls. Like on Halloween, Clarke is wearing a white dress again, but this one may be even more breathtaking than the last. At least to Lexa it sure feels like the air has become thicker all of a sudden, as her eyes wander down the other woman's body. The knee-length dress hugs Clarke's middle perfectly, while billowing out from the waist down, giving it a certain Marilyn Monroe kind of look. The 50s Pin-Up icon's got nothing on Clarke's upper body, however, and Lexa quickly lifts her gaze so as to avoid staring at the so enticing cleavage. To her defense, it's hard not to look when the neck line is cut that low and a fine strand of white even frames Clarke's beautiful breasts as if they were a work of art.

When Lexa's eyes meet Clarke's instead she sees her awe mirrored back at her and just like that her heart is racing again.

"Hi!" Clarke's voice cracks at the greeting, but her bright smile is back and warming Lexa's cold face with its radiance in no time. Since Anya dropped her off right at the door, she didn't bring a jacket.

"H-hey." Lexa replies and when Clarke pulls her into a hug, tingles start dancing around in her belly.

"You look really hot." Clarke compliments easily as she leans back again and Lexa feels her cheeks heat up considerably.

"You!" is all Lexa manages to gulp in response, before she can pull herself together and form an actual sentence. "I mean, you look really hot, too. Beautiful, I mean. Really beautiful."

Clarke laughs and takes her hand to pull her inside. Even though she's still a little awestruck, Lexa keenly notices how much she loves the feeling of Clarke's hand in hers as she stumbles in after her.

"So, why didn't you just ring the door bell? Did you forget what apartment it was?" Clarke asks her, slowing them down as the heavy front door falls shut with an echo, until they're barely at walking speed as they make their way down the dimly lit hallway.

"No." Lexa replies simply and loves how Clarke seems to blush as well for a second.

"Oh." Clarke's grin is huge.

When they get to the elevator Clarke presses the button and then turns around and leans against the wall.

"Good." She says a little quieter and as they look into each other's eyes Lexa feels an almost palpable pull. Just like a magnet she gravitates towards Clarke until they're really, really close.

Lexa can feel Clarke's breath on her lips. It makes her own pick up.

When the elevator dings loudly, both of them twitch and then laugh a little.

They step inside and while Clarke pushes another button, Lexa can't help but smile.

They're still holding hands.

---

"It's totally not a thing!" Lincoln insists with half a laugh.

"Oh my god, are you kidding me? Yes, it is!" the Asian boy with the silky black version of the original Justin Bieber haircut counters heatedly. He introduced himself as Monty earlier, or rather Clarke introduced him to her, before he could get the hand outstretched, apologizing for her lack of manners.

"No way, there is no such thing as the official code of honor for game hackers! That's a load of BS!" Lincoln shakes his head, letting his opinion seep into his tone of voice as he puts sarcastic air quotes around the topic of their heated discussion.

Clarke and Lexa have been listening to Monty and Lincoln fight over this for at least fight minutes and Lexa can't even really remember how they got onto the topic. Something about how there's a new MMA fighter game out and how Monty said he could beat Lincoln's brand new high score within minutes by hacking it, but he won't, because of the honor code.

Okay, so maybe Lexa does remember, but she doesn't really know why it requires such a degree of intensity to a point where she's not sure if it's still a discussion or really turning into a fight. Either way, she doesn't really mind, however. Because every now and then Clarke chimes in, easily matching the guys' enthusiasm even though she seems to have limited knowledge on the subject at best, and Lexa thinks she's the most interesting, most beautiful thing in existence. Clarke's facial expressions are so entertaining and adorable and just fascinating for some reason Lexa can't quite put her finger on. It's like she's never seen a human interaction before, because every twitch of the eyebrow, every smirk and slight roll of the eye Clarke displays as she listens to the boys' argument captivates Lexa so entirely that she hasn't touched her drink in ages and for all she cares they could be talking in Chinese, all she wants to do is watch Clarke talk and react forever.

Clarke's face isn't the only thing Lexa is enamored with, however; Clarke's laugh, Lexa knows for certain now, is definitely one of her absolute favorite sounds in the world. Most of the time it's somewhere in between a laugh and a giggle and without fail it'll always be big enough to show all of her perfect teeth. Lexa loves that laugh, but every now and then something is really funny and that's when Lexa has to grin along so much that it hurts every time. Because then Clarke's laugh is loud and bursting out of her like nothing could possibly hold it back. You can't just hear it, or see the joy on her face; no, when Clarke laughs like that her entire body laughs with her. She'll jerk either forward or backward with her upper body and sometimes even her head. In those cases Clarke's eyes are usually forced closed by how big her grin is and those are the laughs that Lexa regrets not being able to see the most when they're on the phone with each other. Picturing them in her head will just never do them justice and Lexa's heart always aches in a beautiful, staggering way, wishing she could be there in person. She never thought she could miss something as simple as seeing someone's laugh as much as she's discovered she does with Clarke's.

But now she's here and she gets to see it firsthand and she thinks she's never experienced anything so sexy and comforting at the same time.

"What's up, ma Wieners and Vajayjays?" a happy voice says just then and Lexa watches as a tall, lanky boy throws his arms over Monty and Lincoln's shoulders. Lexa recognizes the young looking guy as Monty's roommate Jasper. The one, who, after a lot of arguing not dissimilar to the Code of Honor discussion, finally conceded the title of Beer Princess to Raven about an hour after Lexa showed up. Lexa was grateful and regretful at the same that she didn't get a chance to see the topsy-turvy funneling, but after Beer Pong, Flunky Ball and Two Truths and A Lie just between the two of them, Lexa thinks she got the gist of how the first task of the contest must have looked like; a lot of cheering from the crowd and even more terrible and obviously not thought-through trash talk from the very hyper contestants.

"Jasper! Alright, you're a gamer, you tell us who's right." Monty turns to Jasper as the boy pulls back his arms.

"No, no, no! He's your roommate, that's totally not an unbiased third opinion!" Lincoln protests immediately, in response to which Clarke smacks his arm with the back of her hand.

"Hey! What am I, a plant?" she flares up and Lexa can't help but smile.

"What, a woman's opinion doesn't count? Am I not good enough to have an opinion?" Clarke stacks on and when both Lincoln and Monty's faces fall slightly and a look of apologetic sheepishness settles on them, Lexa's smile widens to a grin. She knows Clarke well enough by now that she sees the little signs that tell her that, while she definitely means what she says, she added a little extra spice to it just to freak the boys out and to teach them a lesson. And Lexa absolutely loves it.

Most of all, however, she loves how Clarke lets her in on it by quickly winking at her, when the guys share a caught and slightly helpless look.

Even though Lexa has been quiet for most of the evening, Clarke has made her feel part of everything so far. By introducing her to every new person that talked to them and by simply standing close to her. But more than that, she's also made her feel special. Like they shared something that no one else understood or even saw and being around Clarke feels like they've known each other for forever and a lifetime, if it weren't for the excited tingles of new things stirring on the horizon.

The connection between them feels so real and so strong and ever since they stepped out of the elevator and their hands detached from one another, Lexa has noticed her entire self somehow still gravitating towards Clarke without fail. And Clarke has been gravitating, too.

During every conversation, every silence and every moment of loud cheering or excited shouting that has happened at this party so far, Lexa and Clarke have always found themselves sharing looks and brushing elbows and when Clarke handed Lexa her second drink, Lexa's fingers lingered over Clarke's and Clarke didn't pull them away. She would have gotten lost in Clarke's eyes right then and there, if it hadn't been for Raven starting a loud chant of 'CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE' at that very moment, snapping them both out of it.

Lexa realizes she hasn't been paying attention to the conversation at hand at all anymore, but she's quick to find back into it. Just in time as well, because not a second later Jasper suddenly turns his eyes on her.

"Hey, are you always this quiet?" he asks rather directly, although his demeanor and tone don't convey any offense.

When all heads turn to look at her as well, Lexa feels Clarke's eyes on her most of all.

Calmly regarding the shaggy haired boy for a second longer, Lexa lifts her chin just the slightest bit.

"No." she finally replies evenly and for a second everybody stays quiet.

Then the best thing happens.

Clarke bursts out into laughter; loud, body jerking, head tilting, eye squinting laughter and Lexa is flying so high, she feels like she could touch the stars. It only takes the three boys another second before they, too, start laughing at Lexa's answer, but Lexa wouldn't have cared if they had scowled.

She made Clarke laugh and that's all that matters to her.

Their lighthearted circle gets suddenly interrupted, when they hear somewhat aggravated voices quickly approaching on the right. Before they need to turn their heads the scene is already upon them in the form of Murphy and Bellamy, who seem to be in the middle of some sort of argument.

Murphy seems intoxicated again and by the looks of it that fact is precisely what the fight is about.

"I'm just trying to look out for you, man!" Bellamy growls, slightly pulling at Murphy's arm as his friend seemingly tries to get rid of him and duck away into the crowd. "Hey!"

"Back off, Bellamy! I said I'm fine!" Murphy almost yells and now other heads are turning as well.

"Okay, that's enough, let's go." Bellamy's voice is almost too low to make out, but he harshly grabs Murphy and turns him back around, before shoving him towards the girls' bedrooms with rough pushes to his back. Struggling, but obviously a little too slow and disoiriented to be very effective, Murphy doesn't succeed in shrugging Bellamy off and pushing him away.

As they pass into the warmly lit hallway – Clarke told Lexa earlier that Raven was the one who insisted on hanging up fairy lights along every ceiling-to-wall corner in their entire apartment – Lexa suddenly feels Clarke's hand on her lower arm.

"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?" she says in a low voice, her eyebrows furrow as her face displays her worry.

Lexa wants to ask if she should come with her, but knows that it's not her place, so she just nods.

"Yes, of course. Go take care of your people."

"Thanks." Clarke nods a little hurried and adds "I'll just be a minute, I promise." with a light squeeze of Lexa's arm, before she lets it go and speed-walks after the two boys and into her own room.

Lexa watches her go with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. It's not that she thinks Clarke can't handle herself, it's just that Clarke's sudden absence leaves her feeling restless and a little out of place all of a sudden.

Almost like that time Lester Higgins from down the block stole Mister Pingu and she couldn't sleep until Anya snuck over there in the middle of the night, broke into the kid's bedroom and got it back for her.

---

When Clarke slips into her room, quickly closing the door behind herself, Bellamy is right in the process of shoving Murphy onto her mattress so hard that he almost bounces all the way back upright again.

"Stay here!" the older Blake sibling growls, his voice no longer hushed now that there's no risk of them disturbing the other party guests anymore.

"Get your fucking hands off me!" Murphy almost shrieks. He seems dangerously angry and Clarke quickly steps in.

Quite literally.

Pressing her body between the two glaring friends, she pushes them apart with a hand on either of their chests.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop it guys! What the hell!" she glares at them herself. What is going on? The two of them hardly ever fight; in fact she doesn't think she's ever seen them at each other's throats like this. From stories she knows that back in high school they must have been a lot like this; hating on each other and acting like brainless assholes, before they dropped their idiotic antagonizing and actually got to know each other on their senior trip. They've been best friends ever since though and Clarke can count the times she's seen them honestly mad at each other on one hand.

"You're telling me to stop it?!" Murphy bursts out, grimacing at Clarke with a scandalized expression, "Tell him!"

"I'm telling the both of you!" Clarke shouts over both of the boys' voices as Bellamy start chiming in his defense as well.

"You both need to calm the hell down! That's Octavia's birthday party out there and you guys are acting like you're in tenth grade again!" she reprimands them sharply, but they both seem to be too riled up to see reason or care about anything other than whatever it is that's happening between them right now.

"Yeah, that's exactly it though, isn't it? Huh, Murphy? Wanna tell Princess here what fucking bullshit you're pulling right now, or shall I?" Bellamy spews and before Clarke can stop him, Murphy is already pushing her aside to get to him.

Apparently too angry for words, he flings himself at the taller boy and Bellamy can only just turn to his side to receive Murphy's sloppy punch.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Clarke shouts, heart beating a mile a minute, as she tries to hold Murphy back with all her might. Her shoulder and cheek are pressing against his chest and with an added shove from Bellamy, Murphy stumbles back and almost falls onto the bed as his knees hit the mattress. He catches himself at the last moment however and instead takes a few steps back until he's standing about two feet from Clarke amidst a pile of clothes Clarke carelessly cast aside and onto the floor after veto after veto from Raven earlier that night.

Chests heaving, both boys stare daggers at each other, but thankfully finally shut up.

After catching her own breath another second longer, Clarke gets over some of the shock of what just happened and suddenly she's all anger. How dare they behave like this at Octavia's party? What kind of Neanderthal shit is this?

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Unlike before, this time her voice is quiet. A mix of adrenaline, rage and alcohol make it shake however and she feels her lips quivering as well as she tries to contain some of the fury she suddenly feels.

"This is your sister's birthday party," she points a shaking finger at Bellamy, before rounding on Murphy, "your friend's! And you have the audacity to start shit like this? Are you really so royally narcissistic that you don't give two craps about that? Are you really that selfish?"

She's almost shouting now, but strains to bring her voice down again. If nothing else, the boys are wise enough not to interrupt.

"You are twenty-fucking-five years old and you can't handle whatever stupid argument you're having like adults? You gotta go all cavemen on each other? Really? Really?!"

Grinding his teeth, Bellamy exhales sharply through his nose and shakes his head. "Clarke," he starts, his voice calmer now, but just like Clarke's did just a second ago, dripping with anger. "you don't know what you're talking about, just…" he presses his lips together, closing his fist in mid-air as if to strangle an invisible ghost in front of him. "Just stay out of this."

"I'll stay out of it when you behave like fucking adults, not five year-olds." She counters, anger still chasing adrenaline through her veins.

"You both stay out of it!" Murphy snaps, before darting for the door.

"HEY, WE'RE NOT DONE!" Bellamy shouts, but Murphy only gets as far as the door, which swings open before he even gets a chance to turn the knob, almost hitting him in the face.

Standing in the doorway is Lexa, and Clarke's heart immediately twists painfully at her worried and surprised expression.

She doesn't want Lexa involved in this mess! Especially when the boys apparently can't reign in their tempers at the moment.

"Lexa!" she exclaims and Lexa's eyes find her instantly. There's a question in them, but before Clarke can say or even do anything more than stare, Bellamy is already pushing past her. As soon as he goes to grab Murphy's elbow again, Clarke sees it all going to hell like Raven Simone.

Fists flying.

Voices shouting.

Lexa yelling out in pain and falling to the floor.

"STOP!" she shouts desperately, diving forward and throwing herself between the boys again as best as she can from her angle to avoid the brawl she's sure is about to happen.

Something hits her hard in the chest and she yelps out in pain and stumbles back.

"Clarke!" Lexa's voice sounds panicked and before Clarke can even lift her eyes, she feels a soft hand gently cup her left hip. Then it's gone and Clarke watches as Lexa whirls around to face the boys. The two of them must have noticed what happened, because for once they're not in each other's faces. Instead their faces show worried expressions as their eyes shift from Clarke to Lexa.

Lexa is standing protectively in front of her, right arm still outstretched to make a barrier between the guys and Clarke and Clarke can't name the emotion she's feeling. She can't see Lexa's face, but when Lexa speaks her voice is a shaking snarl.

"Get. Out."

Glancing once again between her and Lexa, the boys both hesitate, but something in Lexa's expression must finally convince them.

"Come on." Bellamy says quietly. This time he doesn't reach out, though, and Murphy follows him without argument. The door falls softly shut behind them, cancelling out most of the party noises, and finally Lexa and Clarke are left alone.

When Lexa doesn't move right away, however, Clarke carefully touches the woman's rigid shoulder. Her muscle jumps underneath Clarke's fingers and then, at last, Lexa turns around.

No punch or elbow in the world could have knocked the wind out of her more than the look on Lexa's face and at the sight of Lexa's shining eyes and grim expression Clarke feels something inside her break.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asks and her voice is infinitesimally soft and gentle and it's so contradictory to what Clarke just saw in her eyes that she forgets to answer.

"I'm sorry."

It's barely a whisper and just then Clarke sees the mask fall away. Lexa's eyes are still shining, but this time with worry and sadness and her brows are drawn together in the most exquisitely tender expression of concern.

"Sorry for what?" Clarke whispers back, only her voice cracks halfway through and she has to swallow.

"I didn't mean to intrude. I know you said you'd be right back, but I heard shouts and I just- I just got really-"

Before Lexa can finish the sentence Clarke shuts her up with a kiss.

And it's deep and it's painful and then it's tender and a little trembling and Clarke thinks the ache in her chest might not come from the blow at all.

And what a beautiful ache it is.

---

It's half an hour later and Lexa and Clarke still haven't returned to the party. Instead they took their shoes off and are now sitting criss-cross applesauce across from each other on Clarke's bed.

Lexa's feet are tugged in under herself and hidden away by the dark material of her jumpsuit, her long brown hair is all falling down over her right shoulder, while the hair on the left side of her head is intricately interwoven into three perfect braids, her eyes haven't stopped smiling at Clarke since their lips parted and Clarke thinks she's never in her life seen anything as beautiful as Lexa right in this moment.

"Well, I think your animal should be a raccoon." Clarke insists stubbornly and when Lexa shakes her head, rolls her eyes up and takes in a deep breath through her nose, Clarke can't help but laugh.

"It doesn't make any sense, Clarke. I'm neither that small, nor that dismissive about hygienic sources of my food. I'd never eat out of a dumpster." Lexa repeats her objection, but the smile never leaves her lips. When she looks down, it even widens.

Sometime during their conversation about nothing and everything their hands found each other in the space between their crossed legs. Clarke's heart felt as if it had been treated to an electric shock and her pulse has been faster ever since, sending waves of tingles through her body and up her back and down her hands, where Lexa is softly playing with her fingers.

For a minute or so they seem to have gotten lost in thought, watching their fingers draw circles around each other and lightly trace up and down the others' sides, because when they finally look up at each other again Clarke sees the same realization on Lexa's face that they totally forgot what they had been talking about.

A soundless laugh escapes them both at the same time and Lexa even averts her gaze downwards. They're quiet for a while and as Clarke studies Lexa's still downcast profile she sees the expression on Lexa's face slowly change and morph into something else.

And when Lexa finally looks back up at her again, another shock courses through Clarke's body like lightning.

The look in Lexa's eyes speaks of desire and need and strenuously held-together control and Clarke's breath hitches as her eyes fall on Lexa's lips.

They're slightly parted and out of the corner of her eye Clarke can see Lexa's chest heaving up and down just as quickly as her own breath now escapes her lips.

They lean forward at the same time, their fingers no longer gently playful, but now fiercely intertwined, and when their foreheads touch Clarke has to close her eyes.

Lexa's breath falls onto her lips and it's shaking. It makes Clarke want to kiss Lexa senseless and press their bodies together as tightly as she possibly can, but she doesn't. She's frozen by an onslaught of feelings and tingles and goose bumps, all originating from the places of her body that are connected with Lexa, and as they wash over her in wave after wave it's almost like she can hear them. They sound like hundreds of thousands of pieces of broken glass rippling down a steep waterfall or like millions of wind chimes jingling inside and all around her and making her shudder.

And she wants to stay in this moment forever.

But she can't, because she can't stop herself. The pull is too strong and then she's kissing Lexa again and suddenly their hands aren't intertwined anymore. They're in each other's hair and on each other's arms and necks and sides and Clarke's heart is trying to hammer its way through her chest to meet Lexa's.

Clarke's moan comes out as a broken whine against Lexa's lips when the other girl scoots her body back for a second, but before the sudden cold air can settle between them, Lexa's pressed against her again and when she pushes her back, Clarke lets herself fall.

Her head lands only halfway on a pillow and Clarke wouldn't have cared, but when Lexa quickly yanks it away from underneath her, that is even better. Now her entire body is being pressed against the firm mattress by Lexa's weight and Clarke's hips buck up involuntarily when Lexa leaves a trail of sucking kisses down her jaw to her neck.

Just when another breathy moan forces its way past Clarke's lips and she tilts her head back to give Lexa better access, Lexa suddenly pulls back.

A disappointed whine follows and Clarke realizes it's her own when she opens up her eyes. Lexa is hovering above her, eyes wide and wild and hair cascading down one side, casting half a shadow over Lexa's beautiful face.

"What's wrong?" Clarke breathes, because that's all she can manage. Her ears and something else are pulsing with her own heartbeat and her lips and everywhere that Lexa kissed feels like it is on fire.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Lexa hushes out on two heavy breaths, before she inhales deeply and then sits back on her feet, leaving Clarke slightly panicked, a bit confused and very, very frustrated.

Quickly pushing herself into a sitting position as well, Clarke tries to understand.

"What just happened?"

"I don't know." Lexa shakes her head as if she couldn't quite make sense of it herself. "I'm sorry, I just- I couldn't help myself."

"What?" Clarke wipes a strand of hair out of her eyes as she frowns at Lexa.

"I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry. I didn't- I-"

Lexa looks so guilty and worried and finally Clarke catches on.

"Hey! No! Hey, you don't have to apologize for anything. You didn't do anything wrong!" she reaches out and gently cups Lexa's cheek, hopping a little closer to the other woman on the bed. Her left leg is still outstretched next to Lexa's now very rigid body, but Clarke draws her other leg close to herself to minimize the distance between them.

"Hey, listen," she shakes her head at the ongoing worry on Lexa's face. The brunette's eyebrows are furrowed deeply together and her lips are quivering a little. Whether from adrenaline or emotion, Clarke doesn't know, but it pains her to see Lexa this way.

"You didn't do anything wrong." She repeats a little quieter, staring intently into Lexa's eyes. "We just made out, it happens. I mean it's happened to us before, right?"

Lexa remains quiet and for a horrible second Clarke wonders if she didn't get this all wrong and Lexa has never even thought about being with a woman before.

Quickly brushing that thought aside, however, Clarke focuses all her attention on the girl in front of her.

Softly stroking her thumb over Lexa's cheek, Clarke tries for a small smile.

"Can you talk me through what happened just now? Cause I honestly have no idea."

Another few seconds pass, before Lexa speaks and when she does, her voice is barely a whisper and Clarke doesn't understand a word.

"What?"

Lexa clears her throat. "I shouldn't have pushed you onto the mattress like that without asking if it was okay with you. I'm sorry."

For a moment Clarke fights against a relieved laugh. Then she considers her next words. Finally she smiles.

"Thank you."

Lexa frowns.

Clarke's smile grows bigger.

"Thank you for…being so mindful and so careful and so caring. You didn't need to be, but it means the world to me that you are."

Finally the worried expression loosens and makes way for a timid smile.

The longer they look into each other's eyes, the bigger the smile gets and when Lexa's mirrors hers again, Clarke slowly ventures forward once more.

She pauses for a second, just before their lips touch, and when Lexa closes the gap, Clarke feels like a weight she didn't realize had appeared is falling from her chest.

Their kiss is gentle and tame, but it lasts a long, long time.

And by the time they part at last, their hands are woven together once again.

And Clarke couldn't be happier.

---

It's three hours past midnight or nine hours before noon or twenty-one hours before the next midnight, when Raven sees Clarke exiting her room. She's holding Lexa's hand, but when they step back out of the hallway, they let go.

They look happy and Raven's heart jumps and jumps and jumps and she thinks if she could jump as high as her heart is jumping right now she wouldn't have needed a ladder to hang up all the fairy lights. The fairy lights are beautiful. Shiny and sparkly and soft and warm but also hard because the actual light bulbs are hard and the wire connecting them is, too, but the light is warm and Raven has to giggle, because how weird is it that light can be warm and not just because of the sun or fire, but because of its color. Blue light isn't warm and bright white light isn't as warm as orange light for example. Oranges. She bought a lot of lemons for the drinks and for decoration because they have a funny shape and it's always good to have something funny in one's home. But she should buy oranges! Oranges are warm, at least they would be if they were light, and there can also never be enough warmth in one's home. Unless you live in an igloo, because that might melt. But they don't live in an igloo and so oranges go on her list.

Patting herself down, she realizes that she doesn't have her phone. There wouldn't be anywhere to put it. Her belly tee and miniskirt don't really allow for pockets.

Nevermind, she'll remember it. She doesn't need to make lists, it's fine. Lists would only slow her down.

She sees Clarke and Lexa join a conversation between Octavia and Echo, the girl from Lincoln's gym that Octavia kept saying is really cool. How ironic that Octavia keeps saying that, Raven thinks, when all she can think is that Echo is actually really hot.

Giggling at her own joke, Raven makes her way over to the group. Out of the corner of her eye she sees the bright flickering of the candles she just finished lighting everywhere. It's almost like they're winking at her.

She winks back.

She's got this.

Sauntering up to Echo, Raven feels all eyes in the room on her.

What a glorious feeling.

---

NOTES:

Hey guys!

I hope you are all getting through the pre-holiday days as stressfree and happily as possible!

Thank you all for your continued support and for all the comments. They really mean the world to me and keep me motivated to write more!

If you enjoyed this chapter (or even if you didn't, but please be nice about it) consider leaving me a comment maybe! I'll see them as my christmas presents and I'd really appreciate them!;)

Have lovely holidays, everybody!

Love to all of you!