Author's note: Usually I update this story once a week and this time it has been almost a month since my last chapter. I blame life and a bad case of the flu that turned into pneumonia. (For those of you that never had that, don't try it. It sucks. No joke.) Anyhow, I'm at least sitting up now and although this chapter might seem a little confusing, it's high time for an update and I really hope that you all don't hate me too much ;) Especially not for probably making this chapter a lot longer than needed. It was supposed to be two chapters but I didn't know where to cut it. Thank you's are at the end.
Title and lyrics for this chapter is from the song by the same name, preformed by OneRepublic. (Preferably the original, because lets face it; Timbaland is a genius, but for once, the original is better.)
CHAPTER 13 – Apologize
I'm holding on the rope, got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound…
Brooke knows that working hard always helps.
It helps clear her head and it keeps her mind off of her breaking heart, at least most of the time. She knows because it's worked before. It helped her get over the accident and both of the times she lost Lucas in the past. And it would probably help her get over other things too, if she hadn't buried them so far back in her brain.
This time it's the work with her store that keeps her busy and now it's slowly becoming presentable. The walls are painted, the furniture brought inside and all the shelves are hung. Her mind is concentrated on hangers and fabrics and figures instead of on the disappointment she's felt since Lucas came to see her two days ago and then left her standing in the middle of an empty room.
And what had started as a crazy idea just to have a reason to go back to Tree Hill, is now slowly starting to become something really important to her. Out of all the parts of her Clothes over Bros empire, this smalltown-store feels like the one that's the mostreal.
And today another piece of the puzzle would fall into place. Rachel is arriving, probably landing at New Brunswick airport at any moment, and she can't wait to see her. Rachel has after all been her safety blanket for a year and a half and life just feels harder without her.
Pulling up a green strapless dress out of a box and shaking it to rid of the creases, she wonders what Rachel will think when she sees this place. She's decorated it in line with the other stores and hopefully it'll be up to par with Rachel's perfectionist trait, but this is the first time in ages that she's opened a store on her own, without the redhead at her side.
She bends down to pick the next dress up but her line of thoughts are suddenly broken by the sound of the bell placed over the entrance. She stands up and looks over at the door, and silently she draws in a breath.
Lucas.
The one and only, Lucas Scott.
He saunters into the shop and stops a couple of steps in. Looks over at her and half-smiles before his face returns to his more serious demeanor.
Nothing for two days. Not a word. And now he walks in as if nothing had happened. As if it's any other Friday and he just walks in to say hi to a friend.
The sun seeps in through the big display windows, and with his blond messy hair, Lucas looks almost angelic. Like a frowning, broody angel boy. Or maybe she should really say 'man'. Lucas Scott is hardly a boy anymore.
He hadn't been a boy during their short lived 'thing' in New York either, but there is something so distinctively different about his features nowadays and however much she tries, she can't pinpoint it. Silently she puts down the garment she's holding and watches him. He looks so much more grown up. Maybe it's the slight three o'clock shadow on his jaw. Or maybe it's the way his eyes seem to have gotten darker.
His shoulders are broader too and his arms and chest more muscled. He's simply not the scrawny guy she had fallen in love with in high school, but just like she told Nathan the other day, she loves him all the same. And that's what's making their complicated present even more painful. She wants to have him so bad.
"It's starting to come together" the sunlit angel-man suddenly says, and she's brought out of her daydreaming.
"Yeah, I just have to unpack all the clothes and hang them. But Rachel's coming to town tonight so hopefully she'll help me."
Or maybe you could, she wants to say, but she doesn't. Her voice comes out a little shaky and she hopes he doesn't recognize it. She doesn't want her nervousness to scare him away and thankfully he seems unfazed.
"I bet you miss her…" he says.
And then there's that smile. That 'Lucas Scott'-smile that always has the ability to make her knees weak.
"Yeah, more than I thought I would actually… it's been a long time since I saw her."
Out of all things she wishes for, time is on top of her list. And even though they're casually talking about Rachel, her thoughts are solely about the guy in front of her. She wants more time to spend with him here in Tree Hill. Quality time, where they can slowly start over. Talk and maybe start to heal.
Before the incident at Tric, she had hoped for other things even though he had still been with Lindsey. But those hopes were crumbled when he told her that he had a new life where she didn't fit in. The forceful kiss had just made it more clear that he tried to wash out all the memories of her.
And then two days ago, he came to her hotel and ripped the carpet from under her feet. Made her lose that last shred of denial and face up to every single emotion that he evokes in her. Now all she needs is to look at him in order to be overthrown by the memory of his lips on her skin.
"So how've you been?" he asks softly as he walks around the almost finished store, touching the details and shelves, and she watches him, mesmerized.
"Good, I guess…" she mumbles. "I just… feel a little confused…"
"Why?"
"Maybe because you kind of left me hanging the other night…"
She tries desperately to sound light-hearted and she even ads her signature eyebrow-raise. He stops over by the window and smiles again and maybe it's the smile that does it. Either that or the way he softly answers;
"I never meant to leave you hanging, Brooke… I just kind of went with it…"
Whatever it is, it makes her feel stronger than she has in weeks, and suddenly she takes a chance.
"Uhm… then maybe… Well… do you wanna go with me tomorrow night?"
As the words slip out of her mouth she feels like a teenager. More exactly like she felt when they dated the first time in junior year and every question she had to ask him regarding them made her mouth dry and palms sweaty. She feels nervous, afraid to be turned down, inferior…
But he simply looks back at her, still smiling but with a confused expression on his face, so she tries to clarify.
"To the re-opening, I mean… you know, at Blue Post? I'm going to promote the store there and… uhm… not as a date of course. As friends."
She's rambling, and horrified she feels herself start to blush. "We could all just go together if you think it's too awkward… You, me, Nathan and Haley, Peyton… Rachel is coming too and Owen…"
He coughs a little uncomfortably and his smile falls. And she starts to really regret saying anything in the first place. His eyes avert from hers and he looks at a spot on the newly painted wall on their left. Shifts his weight from his left foot to his right.
"I can't… I have… uhm… this thing…"
She nods quickly and makes sure she looks unfazed.
"Oh, never mind… it doesn't matter. No need to explain. We're all busy, right?"
She adds a nonchalant shrug and she's damn proud of herself when she even manages to smile. But on the inside her heart aches. She wants him to leave. Now.
Why had she just done that?
She never should have asked him. She should have known he'd say no.
-l-
Friends.
Brooke wants them to go as friends.
At her words, his shoulders slump and he hears himself mumble; "Yeah, I guess we are busy…"
But she she's wrong when she says that it doesn't matter. Itdoes. It matters because he loves her and because he would love to be the guy that escorts her to this party. But he can't do the friend-thing with her. Can't hang out casually with her and pretend. He never really could.
He did a pretty good job at pretending in the second half of their junior year in high school, but it had all been fake. He had loved her at a distance then too, and it had been painful when she went for Felix instead. Even more horrible in senior year when the whole Chris Keller-debacle occurred. And then he tried pretending after their night in New York, and look where that took him…
The difference is that now he knows something he didn't know in the past. He knows how it feels to lose Brooke Davis all together. And he has to guard his heart a hell of a lot better this time, because looking at what that experience did to him, and at the reaction he just had when she simply mentioned Owens name, he can't do this all over again.
Not without losing himself totally.
"Maybe some other time?" he asks and does his best to sound casual but Brooke doesn't meet his eyes.
He knows why. The hotelroom-incident had been stupid. He had stolen those minutes with her totally without thinking and know she feels uncomfortable around him. He needs to think before acting, needs to be careful. Because Haley is right, he can't afford to fall back into the pitch black hole he got stuck in after New York and he shouldn't play around with Brooke either. If he tries faking friendship with her, things will be even more complicated.
She nods though, a small movement of that beautiful chocolate haired head, and mumbles;
"Sure…"
Then he watches as she picks up another dress from one of the boxes and hangs the creation on the rack. She seems to be going back to the task of unpacking and he needs to get out of here. Get air. Space.
"I should get going…" he says and pulls his hand through his hair. "But good luck with the promoting…"
She nods somewhat absentmindedly. Smiles and flashes gorgeous dimples that makes him want to erase the last four years completely.
"You too" she replies. "With your… uhm… thing."
"Yeah, thanks…"
He shoves his hands deep down in the pockets of his Khaki shorts, and then, before he heads to the door, he holds her gaze for a couple of seconds.
"I always knew you'd make it, Brooke" he says softly. "Be proud of yourself…"
In a way it feels like goodbye, and maybe it is.
She'll be leaving Tree Hill soon anyway.
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
Rachel has almost forgotten what a little hick-town Tree Hill really is and once she drives off the interstate and heads into the center of town, she actually laughs. Everything seems tiny. Tiny airport, tiny mall. Tiny houses and billboards and roads.
According to Brooke there's apparently a not so tiny hotel here somewhere, and that hotel is where she'll find a friend that's been AWOL for almost two months now. A friend that she is honestly very worried about.
Today will be the first time in two months that she sees Brooke and truthfully it had been with mixed emotions that she hung up the phone call with her two days ago. She spoke to the brunette for over thirty minutes and in one way she was happy that Brooke finally asked for her and needed her help. But on the other hand it broke her to hear the sadness in her friend's voice. Brooke had sounded so utterly broken and lost.
"He left, Rachel… He came here and held me and he… he left… I can't breathe, Rach. It just hurts so much…"
And for two days now, she has tried to figure out why Lucas had done that. Why he left Brooke standing in the middle of the room like that. And she's no wiser then she had been when Lucas dumped Brooke in the hospital 18 months ago and never returned.
From Brooke's recap of the last couple of weeks, Lucas actions seems weird in general, but she hopes that as with everything else there is probably another side to the story. One that Brooke doesn't have, and if she knows her friend as well as she thinks; one that Brooke is too scared to ask for.
She leaves the rental car to valley parking-attendant outside the hotel and heads towards the reception. There's no Brooke Davis residing in the hotel of course, but there is a Penelope Gattina and Rachel has to laugh at the lack of creativity that Brooke had this trip. Usually it's a lot more colourful aliases, like Jessica Rabbit or Mrs. Dave Grohl.
And after getting the front desk to handle her luggage she takes the elevator up to the top floor and knocks on the only door up there.
She can hear someone shouting something from inside and a male voice answers in a muffled voice. Then the door opens and she stands face to face with her best friend.
Brooke doesn't look that different. A little more tanned, with slightly longer hair and wearing a summer dress Rachel knows more than well. She also looks equally tired and maybe even more sad then when she left New York seven weeks ago.
But when Brooke sees her, the famous dimpled smile surfaces and she squeals.
"Rachel!"
She stumbles back a few steps when the brunette firecracker flings her arms around her neck and almost screams in her ear with joy, and she happily hugs her back.
She has missed Brooke. Even more than she thought had.
"I'm so mad at you, you crazy crack-whore" she muses with a big smile and detangles herself from her friends embrace. "Not only did you leave me with a workload bigger than a small planet and your stir-crazy mother. You also stole my Degát dress! I've been looking everywhere for this."
Brooke looks guilty for a second, but they know each other well enough for her to know that Brooke's guilty face has nothing to do with the dress. So she gives her another hug and offers a very seldom heard: "I've missed you, Brooke."
Brooke hugs her back, hard. And that's when she sees the guy sitting in the chair on the terrace.
"What the hell is Owen doing here?" she asks with a frown. And Brooke looks at her with unsure expression on her face.
"What? You don't want to see him? But I thought…"
The sentence trails off as Owen makes his way over to them and smiles. She lets go of Brooke's hand that she's still holding and she can't help but give him an annoyed glare. Hasn't he gotten the memo that she never wants to see him again? Apparently not.
He looks the same though. Tall, dark and handsome.
"Rachel…" he acknowledges softly. "Good to see you. You've grown…"
She huffs. Doesn't even know what to say because she hasn't expected to even care, but Brooke raises an eyebrow and smirks. Her friend sees right through her, just like she sees right through Brooke. So she turns away from Owen without even answering his greeting and looks at the brunette with a smirk of her own.
"Those black circles under your eyes tells me you're still a chicken… you didn't tell him, right?"
Brooke's devious smile falls instantly.
"Not when Owen is here, Rachel!" she breathes, looking nervous. And she just throws her jacket on a nearby chair and mimics Brooke's earlier eyebrow-raise.
"Then tell Owen to leave…"
"But I… He is supposed to go with us to dinner…"
Brooke looks confused and her eyes keep darting between them as if this is a development that her brunette friend has not seen coming. But instead of meeting Brooke's eyes, she keeps her facial expression cold and directed towards Owen, before calmly saying:
"I'm sure that Owen understands that you and I want some time alone, Brookie. Don't you think? And I'm sure you can have dinner with him some other night when I'm not here…"
Owen nods towards Brooke and assures her that it's fine, but beneath the surface he looks hurt, even she can see this. He does that face he used to do when they were younger and he felt as if she wasn't playing fair. And when he leaves the room, he softly places a hand on her arm. Strong hand that feels warm against her skin.
"I hope I'll see you later, Rach…" he says silently.
She shakes the hand off and simply answers
"I don't."
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It became a much longer night than Brooke had expected. Rachel ordered dinner from room-service and asked for the whole story regarding Lucas all over again. And she said she'd tell it if Rachel spilled the goods about her past with Owen. Rachel refused of course, but hours later when they had raided most of the bar in the hotel-room and had moved their drunken picnic out on the balcony, pieces of the puzzle came out.
And who would have thought that Rachel had had a high school sweetheart? Who would have thought that the cocky redhead that had been so vicious when arriving at Tree Hill high had been helplessly in love with the three year older football quarter-back named Owen McAllister?
Well, she hadn't.
If it weren't for the long looks that Rachel had thrown after Owen when he left last night, she would probably still not have thought that it was true.
Now, at ten in the morning, with one hell of a hangover still present, she watches as her redheaded friend makes it out of the bathroom and dries her hair on a towel. Stays silent as Rachel pulls out an old football jersey from her bag that Brooke recognizes instantly but never understood the value of, and almost laughs when the redhead puts it back and chooses another shirt.
It seems like they both had their closets full of old bones.
She smiles and stretches her body before letting out a tired: "Morning slut-face…"
Rachel laughs.
"Slut-face? God, you suck Brooke. Was that truly the best you could come up with?"
"Well, the country-side must have gotten to my wit… Plus, I've been hanging with Haley. You should be happy that I didn't say 'Oh what a beautiful morning, hun. I've ironed you're clothes and breakfast is on the table'…"
She rolls over and wraps the sheet around herself. "And talking about breakfast… Please tell me you ordered coffee when you woke up?"
Rachel nods and pulls the t-shirt over her head.
"It's on the table. Now get your fat ass out of bed. I wanna go see the store and I want you to talk to Lucas before we head back to New York. Today is as good of a day as any."
For the first time since Rachel walked in through the door last night, she feels irritated. Rachel had brought this subject up several times last night and every time she had gotten the same answer. No.
Apparently none of the times had been clear enough.
"No Rach, I told you last night that we're done talking. I even asked him to go to Blue Post with me, after he left me standing in here. And he said no. He's made it clear that he is finished with us. Now leave it."
Annoyingly enough Rachel still won't listen. She just keeps getting dressed and repeats her request to go down to the store. So finally she gives up. Says "You're too freaking stubborn Rach…" and heads into the shower. And however much she loves having her friend back, she can't help but feel as if bringing Rachel to Tree Hill might have been a stupid move.
Somewhere in the back of her head she loves the way Rachel has her back through everything. But she knows that her redheaded friend sometimes takes stuff into her own hands, kind of like she had when getting Nathan to help out with her rehabilitation.
And sometimes things like that work out great.
Sometimes they just don't.
All she knows is that the subject of 'Lucas Scott' and their relationship is not something to be played with. Rachel should know by now that people can get hurt.
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
So they spend most of the day bickering. Brooke keeps asking annoying questions about Owen and refuses to see reason when it comes to Luke. And after a quick lunch with Haley and the bitch formerly know as Peyton Saywer, Rachel realizes that Brooke hasn't even been honest with the girls. She understands why with Peyton, although she has at least expected that Brooke would tell the tutor.
But no. Nothing has been achieved during Brooke's two months away from the company.
Nothing.
None of them seem to understand that Brooke is supposed to be in Tree Hill to mend her train-wreck of a relationship with a certain blond boy. Instead Haley and Peyton keep jabbering about nonsense like tonight's party.
And who the hell needs a small-town event like that anyways? She doesn't. What she does need is a friend that seems to be at least on the road to start healing. That's why she keeps pushing, nagging and probing all throughout the day. That is until they return to the hotel and Brooke finally snaps.
"Seriously Rachel! Get off my fucking case! I asked you to come here to support me, not because I wanted you to drive me insane!"
Her brunette friend is fuming. Probably also because Brooke has finished both getting dressed and putting on her make-up and she herself still hasn't even started. She just wishes that Brooke could understand that the issues with Lucas are so much more important than some freaking happening at a sports bar.
Why? Because they need to go back to New York in just a couple of days, and this shit needs to be sorted once and for all.
"But Brooke" she sighs for the millionth time. "You can't keep living like this. You need to confront him. We're going back to New York and if you don't talk to him now..."
It's like talking to a stubborn child. The sad little girl from the phonecall three days earlier seems to be long gone, and frankly, so is the friend from last night that seemed so happy to see her. The brunette fashion designer in front of her is a complete pain in the ass.
"I'mnot gonna tell him, Rachel."
She sighs. Rolls her eyes and wants to yell with frustration.
"What? So I've been working double to cover for your ass so that you could accomplish absolutely nothing? No. Let me rephrase: Either you'll confront him, or I will."
Brooke's arms remains crossed over her chest and she's starting to look angry.
"Do whatever you want but I'm leaving now, Rach. The party starts in an hour and we were supposed to meet the others for drinks ten minutes ago. Are you coming? Owen and the car are here…"
"No."
Brooke huffs and this time she is the one rolling her eyes. Then she leaves, offering nothing more then a simple; "Fine" before walking out the door.
Rachel just shakes her head and braces herself for the sound of the door slamming shut. Once it does, she goes over to the mini-bar and grabs a soda before settling down for a bit to think. There must be something she can do to fix things, or at least to give Brooke and Lucas a little nudge in the right direction. Because if she left things to be handled by Brooke, then obviously nothing would happen, and another year like the last 18 months is not an option.
She loves her friend, but it's times like this that she actually wants to strangle Brooke Davis for being so damn scared of life. And of love.
"The things I do for you…" she mumbles and finally grabs her car keys. However she turned this in her head, she only had one option. Brooke was determined to keep playing it safe…
…That only left Lucas.
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
Lucas slumps down into his living room couch and turns on the TV. The local channel is already reporting down from the Blue Post and the red carpet is laid out. It's not even eight o'clock but lots of people have already gathered down there.
To Brooke this was probably nothing, he thinks, and switches the channel to ESPN. She was used to much bigger events than this. But to the people of Tree Hill, tonight was going to be as close to Hollywood as it would get.
He watches the last fifteen minutes of a college football game and then zaps through a cooking show, before absentmindedly turning back to channel 2. And that's when he sees Peyton. The curly blonde smiles towards the cameras, her arm linked with some guy from her tour-crew. And after her, Nathan and Haley board the red carpet, making the kids outside the railings go nuts and waving their autograph-notepads towards his brother.
Nathan waves to the camera that's closest, and he can't help but smile at his brother making a goofy face. Nathan looks good on the red carpet. But then again, that had always been one of their biggest differences. Nathan liked to be the centre of attention…
Just like Brooke.
He knows what's coming up next, yet he can't make himself change the channel. All the cameras are turned towards a black Hummer and then Owen steps out through the back door. He smiles towards the press before reaching into the car to give his company a helping hand, and Lucas squints.
"Why do you have to look like that?" he almost whimpers to the TV-screen. Becauseshe's getting out of the car now, and she looks so hot that it's not even funny.
It's one type of pain to see her in that sexy black dress, hardly long enough to cover her ass. But it's another, much worse type of pain, to watch her grab Owen's hand.
She smiles widely, dimples deep as moon-craters, and elegantly waves to the crowd.
They all seem to love her. The cameras, the press, the fans… But then again, so does he. And this is the problem. This is the reason to why he's sitting in his couch at nine o'clock on a Friday night, wearing his old sweatpants and a shaggy looking t-shirt.
If he can't be around Brooke without hurting or seeing her on TV without dying to touch her, then how is he going to be able to spend a whole night watching her and Owen? After what happened two weeks ago he can't risk it again. And it doesn't matter that she says she's forgiven him. Or that Haley swears that Brooke and Owen are just friends. Because they don't understand. They don't know that he is failing.
None of them know that however much he hates it, there is nothing he wants more than Brooke.
And that is why he can't go to the reopening of the Blue Post and Brooke's fashion-show. Even if the place is totally redecorated he can't do it. Not when she wants nothing more from him than beingfriends.
He's been trying to avoid it for over an hour but at nine he finally goes into the kitchen and grabs the bottle of rum still standing on the counter. He shouldn't drink. The alley was supposed to be the last time and he shouldn't even smell the content, because he knows that it can go either way. Either the liquor will make him miss Brooke even more, or it will help him forget her. The problem is that beforehand there's no telling which it will be.
He brings the bottle and a single shot-glass with him to the table, and he downs the first one before even sitting down. It should worry him that it doesn't even sting, but it doesn't.
The sound from the TV is faint but audible and when he closes his eyes he instantly sees her on the inside of his eyelids.
"Having fun yet?"
The sixteen year-old Brooke is vivid in his mind. The way she downed her beer that night at their first date, and licked her lips before looking at him in a way that was far to sexy for her age.
Drinking had been fun then, because he had been drinking with her, not because he so badly needs to forget her.
"What do you think of this tattoo?"
Oh god… the way her lips had tasted and felt the first time he kissed her up against that brick wall in the backroom of the pool-hall. And when she unbuttoned her jeans to show him the tiny Chinese symbol on her hip…
Damn it!
He squeezes his eyes shut. Downs another shot of the light brown liquid and breaths through his nose. But she won't leave him alone. More high school memories just keep invading his brain. Her creamy skin, her toned legs wrapped around him late at night, her raspy voice in his ear while she nibbled his earlobe as he had her pinned against her locker.
There's just no use of fighting it and he draws a deep breath as the memories becomes so real that he can almost feel her skin against his.
…almost hear her say the three words that he misses so much…
And that's when someone knocks on the door.
-b-
"I can't believe how different this place looks…" Brooke mumbles and scans the old pool-hall.
The shaggy bar is a nightclub now. Modern interior and flashing lights making the place look bigger and less 'dark'. The runway that's been set up earlier in the day now looks less like a construction-site and more like an environment she's used to, and a part of her almost wishes she could get up there and model her clothes herself, like she had in the beginning of her career. Then again, she'll get enough of that when she does the Victoria's Secret show in less than a week.
"It looks amazing."
Owen squeezes her hand and she smiles at him. She's calmed down since leaving Rachel at the hotel and instead of feeling angry she now feels empty. She wishes that Lucas had said yes to her invitation of escorting her, but she not surprised at his rejection. After that night when he came to her hotel room things had been weird. Not hostile, but tense, and she guesses that he laid out that bad excuse because he didn't want to give her false hope.
He could probably see right through her. See how bad she still had it in for him and maybe he even thought she was being pathetic. But something in his eyes, that night in her suite, had made her think that he felt something too. And that 'something' had been why she asked him to go with her tonight.
She wishes that he had said yes, but he hadn't, and there wasn't much more she could do.
Having Owen with her feels nice. He's become a close friend during the last couple of weeks, and he's a safe choice since the press had already tried connecting them. She has already decided that she's really going to try and stay in contact with him when she goes back, even though her New York life really doesn't allow for much social-time with friends.
However; New York, fashion and her business is after all her life, and it's time that she stops thinking differently. Lucas Scott is simply meant for someone else, and so is the loving family life that Nathan and Haley shares.
Maybe she just has too much baggage? Maybe she…
Owen must notice that she keeps zoning out because he wraps an arm around her shoulders and she silently looks down at her dress.
"Do I look alright?" she asks him a little nervously and he laughs as if saying 'are you kidding me?'
Then the reporters pull her away for some interviews and she realizes that a part of her actually misses her other life. The action and 'pulse'. Nathan joins her for some celebrity-photo-shoots and then they all head for the VIP-section for drinks before the show and band-performance starts.
Sitting in between Haley and Owen, sipping an Apple Martini Sour, she sends a text message:
Sorry for being a bitch. You know I love you and I'll try to talk to Lucas tomorrow. There's a cold Cosmo and a hot Owen waiting for you here in the bar.
XOXO. /B
Things would be okay. Eventually.
If Rachel just stopped moping and came down here soon, the evening could actually be fun.
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
Lucas is back at the kitchen table and he tries to wrap his mind around why Rachel is just downing a shot of rum across the table from him.
He hasn't seen the redhead since that night in the hospital and all of a sudden she's showing up at his house, inviting herself in and happily announcing that she was glad he had got the hard liquor out already, because 'Boy, did she need a drink…'
And he had gladly gotten a glass for her, knowing that she was probably the only one right now that he could drink with without being scolded, since Rachel had no clue about his 'problem'.
At first it had been nice to have company, to have a drinking buddy, ready to do a shot for every shot he did, but then Rachel started talking about Brooke and the mood in the room completely changed.
Now she watches him as if she's waiting for him to say something. The problem is that he has no clue what so ever what that 'something' would be.
Because according to the redhead, Brooke is not anyway near as composed and strong as she seems. Instead Rachel has just told him that all of the traits Brooke has shown since coming back are fake. The coldness, the business-talk, the perfect exterior and the way she's been avoiding him. It's all a façade to cover a really broken and lost girl.
And although he has trouble believing it, he knows that it might be true. Because Brooke has always turned towards coldness and anger when she's hurting.
"So even if you're right," he mumbles, "Why are you telling me this?"
Rachel laughs and leans in a bit over the table.
"Come on Lucas. You've always been kind of dense, but you were never stupid. Brooke has been in Tree Hill for almost two months. You must know why."
"No."
"Because she loves you, you fucking air-head."
He chokes on the drink and spits the liquid out over the table, earning a stifled laugh from the girl across from him. And Rachel doesn't stop there.
"Seriously Luke. I'm telling you all this because she needs you, and you have to stop being so scared and set things straight."
By now he's composed enough to talk and he shakes his head disbelievingly.
"Are you mentally instable, Rachel? It's obvious to everyone that she wants nothing to do with me. At least not in that way… I guess she came here to try and set things straight between us, so that we can be friends, but she doesn't love me Rachel. I don't think she ever did…"
Rachel looks at him blankly, muttering "You're such an idiot…" And for a couple of minutes she sits quiet as if she's thinking of something else and is lost in her own trail of thoughts. Then she takes a sip from the glass of 'Captain Morgan' he's given her and says;
"You know… I never really had a best friend when I was a kid. I was the fat girl all throughout elementary school and junior high. And in high school my family moved so often that I never had the chance to make friends…"
She looks out through the window and sighs.
"Before we came to Tree Hill my longest placement in a high school was four months… But then I started Tree Hill High and I met Brooke. And you know that I was a complete bitch to her. But she made me laugh and she looked out for me like no one else ever has… she challenged me, pushed me… she made me better…"
"Your point being?"
He knows he sounds harsh, and it's not to be mean, but all this talk about Brooke is making him uncomfortable. Guarded. Rachel is plotting something, because what she just said about Brooke still loving him is insane. Rachel however, seems unfazed.
"My point being that she's my best friend. She became my first real friend, the first person that I felt like I could depend on... And for almost eighteen months I've only seen glimpses of the girl she used to be… And I miss her like crazy. I need her back…"
He sighs and starts to rise from the table.
"I hear you Rach… but there's not much I can do, is there? As I said, we hardly don't even talk. I can't be around her without hurting and up until a couple of days ago she hated my guts and I pretended to hate hers… So I still don't get the point of you coming here? Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see you and all, but there is nothing I can do for her. Brooke and I should really be a closed chapter by now. I'm too tired to rip up all those feelings."
Surprisingly Rachel smiles.
"Sit your ass down."
"What?"
"I said; Sit your ass down."
Her eyes bore into his, sternly but not unfriendly. "You said 'should'. And that's the point Luke. You should be a closed chapter. But you're not. You know it, I know it… the whole freaking world knows it."
He looks back at her and he honestly doesn't know what to say. No one has had the guts to talk to him this way about him and Brooke in so long. Truthfully, no one probably ever had, except for this crazy redhead…
"OK, so, what is the deal with you and Brooke anyway?"He shrugged slightly, still leant against the pole to the basketball-hoop, and the redhead, who was his date for the night, eased herself down from her position on the picnic-table.
"She's just not ready to commit," he mumbled.Rachel smirked and walked a little closer to him. "Right, that's usually what I tell guys I'm not really into."He just laughed back humorlessly, thinking that the girl's comments were starting to annoy him. She didn't even know Brooke.
"And," he said to emphasize his better knowledge of the brunette. "…she wants to make sure I'm serious about her, you know? Plus…""Plus, what?"
The redhead had her eyebrow raised in a somewhat mocking fashion, but he answered without hesitation.
"She's the 'one'.""Why?""She just is. I feel it." He took a step back from her and unconsciously spun the basketball in his hands. "You know, Pascal says: 'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know'."
She had to see it now, he thought. Brooke was the one for him. But Rachel raised her eyebrow even higher.
"And what did Pascal say about Chris Keller?"
"Okay… so let's say you're right," he mumbles. "It's obvious that I still have feelings for her. I wouldn't be a drunk pathetic loser right now if I didn't. But does it even make a difference? She was the one that wanted nothing to do with me when we were in New York… She told me to leave and to stay away."
"She never told you to stay away."
"But…"
"No Luke. She didn't. Just like when she broke up with you senior year, she said that she 'couldn't do it'. And there's a big difference. She was weak, she had just had a miscarriage… and I mean, hell, who can blame her? With the stuff you said…"
She laughs dryly and takes a bigger sip of her drink.
"You have to pick one person, Lucas, and you have to fight to make it work. And I'll give it to you, for a while there you actually started to get the 'picking' part down. The problem with you is that you never had the guts to really fight."
He looks at her and she shrugs in that typical Rachel-way.
"Seriously, Lucas. You suck at the fighting-part, and you know it. Did you think you'd score by letting her over-hear that you still loved Peyton? That she'd get jealous, huh? I thought you knew her better than that."
"What the hell do you mean?"
He has no clue what Rachel talks about. Peyton? He hadn't been with Peyton or felt anything romantically for the blonde since before he met Brooke at his book release-party. They were just friends.
Rachel sighs. "She heard you talk. In the hospital, that night when she lost your baby. She heard all that stuff you said about how you didn't have any strength left to fight for her, and about how she was never 'the one'…"
He squints and tries to process what it is that she's rambling on about. Wishes that he hadn't downed that last glass of Jamaican Rum. He knows that there is something wrong with what she's saying, because he remembers the words she just repeated back to him, hell he had talked to Haley about it just weeks ago. But the words had been about Peyton, not Brooke.
But there is something else. Something that she said that…
"I mean seriously Luke. I'm not angry at you anymore but I could have killed you back then. Why would you even say those things? It was so obvious that…"
"Shh!"
His hushing sound silences her and he holds his hand up to keep her from starting up again. Shuts his eyes tight and tries to concentrate.
"What did you say before that, Rachel?"
"What? That you had to fight for her? That…"
"No, no… about the baby…"
It's on the tip of his tongue, almost within reach, and he looks up again urging her to repeat herself. Rachel looks back at him confused, and in frustration he runs his fingers through his already unruly hair.
And then he knows.
Before she even says anything, it hits him like a punch in the face.
"In the hospital, that night when she lost your baby…"
Rachel must realize her mistake at the exact same moment because her eyes grow big.
"Please tell me that was just a slip of your tongue Rach…" he pleads almost feverishly, but the complete and utter guilt on her face tells him the answer, and from there on its like free-falling into a hole of blackness.
Brooke had lied.
And as he stands up, he no longer wishes that he hadn't been drinking so much rum. He wishes he had drunk a lot more.
-b-
"How come Lucas isn't here?" Peyton asks and looks up at the band playing. "He was just sitting at home when I talked to him right before we came here."
Brooke snaps up to look at the blonde and without thinking she says: "What? No… Lucas was supposed to…"
Then she stops herself, suddenly feeling immensely stupid. Of course there wasn't any 'thing' that stood in the way of him coming here tonight. It had just been something he said to not have to come here with her. A lame excuse.
Haley watches her as if she's waiting for her to continue, but when she doesn't, the former tutor shrugs.
"Maybe he wasn't feeling good?"
Another lame excuse, quickly put together by Haley because it was obvious that she was hurt over the white lie. And she's so fucking tired of all these lies. Of all the covering up, pretending and holding stuff inside. So she mutters;
"He's not here because he doesn't want to be around me. Isn't that obvious?"
Then she reaches for the drink that she so far has hardly touched, and practically downs it in one go.
Haley and Peyton give each other confused looks over the table and Owen uncomfortably squirms in his chair.
Fuck Lucas, he obviously wants to stay away. But where the hell is Rachel when she needs her?
What's hurting the most, and what's making Lucas the most angry, is that for over a year he has felt as if he was crazy. He had grieved an unborn baby that wasn't even his and he had spent the bigger half of three months drunk off his ass because he felt so bad for leaving Brooke. He had driven himself mad with 'if's and 'but's, before finally coming to terms with the fact that she just didn't love him back.
And now everything proves to be the opposite.
It had been his baby. His child. And Brooke had shut him out of her life over a fucking misunderstanding?
Now and again he had read in books about the feeling of having the carpet ripped away from under your feet. And staring back at Rachel, who's still trying to explain, he guesses that this must be it. This must be how it felt.
Suddenly it's as if his brain isn't working. He can't hear or think or feel. He only knows that he has to find Brooke and he has to make her explain this.
"Where is she?" he says coldly, and the redhead sitting at his kitchen table keeps going on and on about how complicated all this is and about how he can't tell Brooke that he knows. So he yells.
"Rachel! Where the HELL is Brooke now?!"
She suddenly looks a little pale, maybe even a little scared.
"I don't know… I think she's at The Blue Post but I'm not sure…"
She looks at him begging, "Please Lucas, you can't be mad at her… She only did all this because she thought it was for the best. You didn't know if you still had feelings for Peyton and she…"
"NO!"
His voice echoes loudly in the silent kitchen. "Fuck! There were NEVER any doubts, okay! I was in love with BROOKE. I wanted a fucking LIFE with Brooke! Peyton had nothing to do with this! You knew that Rachel. Hell, YOU should have made her understand!"
Rachel's face drops and she keeps trying to explain, keeps trying to calm him down, but he doesn't want to hear it. And when he heads for the door and she gets up to cut him off, he just hisses between clenched teeth;
"You do not want to stand in my way right now, Rachel."
She moves away from the door and he's almost by his car when he hears her call his name.
"Lucas, come on… you've been drinking. At least take a cab…"
He grabs the car door, needs to get away from the redhead, but her next sentence makes him drop the handle again.
"How can you even think about driving drunk after what happened to Brooke? You could become him… that truck-driver… the baby would have been alive if…"
He freezes for a second and the old feeling of wanting to kill that bastard washes over him. Instead of answering Rachel, he just drops his car keys and starts walking, and before he has even gotten down the driveway, the walk has turned into a jog.
Rachel calls for him again but as soon as he gets down to the street corner he breaks into a run. It's too far to run the Blue Post from here, but if he crosses Mrs Murphy's garden he could catch a cab down on Main Street. And since he's sure that Rachel is going to go there too, he needs to run fast.
Because he needs to get to Brooke first, before Rachel has the chance to warn her.
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's getting late and Brooke is feeling a little tipsy. Haley is laughing at something she just said and she giggles back, not even sure what was so funny. The heavy drinking she has taken up during the last hour is paying off, and the sadness of having Lucas avoid her so obviously has slowly dissolved with the alcohol.
Screw him, she thinks. She'll just arrange to go back to New York tomorrow instead. That way she wouldn't have to see him until Jamie's birthday in two weeks. It's time to cut her losses and to face the fact that however much she loves Lucas Scott and however much she needs him, he doesn't want to give things another try. If he did, then he'd be here tonight.
Eventually they'd learn how to be friends but she needs to face the fact that 'lovers' are in the past and that Rachel is wrong. Talking to Lucas wont help. She's tried, but he bails every time.
Then all of a sudden Haley turns quiet and Haley and Nathan, both facing the entrance, suddenly look very strange.
She turns slowly, with a weird sense of foreshadowing inside her. And Lucas is right behind her, looking pale as a ghost.
Her first thought is actually the old expression 'when you think about someone, they're often standing right behind you…'
Her second is about how he had even gotten through the door. He's not dressed up, in fact he's wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, and he's unshaved and scruffy. But the paleness and the pain in his eyes make her worried.
And that's when he speaks.
"Was it mine?"
She blinks, still not really understanding at first although his dissolved state should make it obvious.
"What?"
Rachel appears behind him, looking like she's been crying and waving her hands as if trying to stop her from answering anything at all. She feels as if she's about to faint. Rachel has done the one thing she promised NEVER to do…
"Just tell me the fucking truth Brooke! Was the baby mine?"
She can't talk. Can't breathe.
Can't lie.
So she nods. Slowly as if all of this is just a bad dream and there's a slight hope that she'll soon wake up. But as she nods she sees him flinch as if he's been slapped in the face.
He deflates in front of her, drops his shoulders and his jaw falls. Then he closes his eyes and she feels as though time has stopped.
"I can't believe this…" he whispers, and she feels so guilty.
"Lucas…" she mumbles and takes a hesitant step towards him, but he flinches and walks backwards. "Luke… I'm… I just thought it was for the best…"
He looks at her with total disbelief, and to the left of her she sees the confusion on four other faces. Nathan, Haley, Peyton… even Owen. All of them kept in the dark about her life's biggest secret.
Rachel looks desperate, and she knows that the redhead is sorry, yet she can't help but hate her for bringing it all to this.
"How could you LIE to me?! You looked me in the eyes and told me that the baby wasn't mine!"
Tears are in his eyes now and she longs to reach out and dry them away, but at the same time she's feeling lonely, cornered and wrongfully accused. There had been a reason for her choices and he was to blame for that too.
"Wait… what? It was Lucas' baby? But how…" Nathan starts, but she doesn't even have a chance to answer him. Lucas just blocks his brother out by raising his hand and his voice.
"Talk to ME, Brooke! You fucking owe me an explanation to this!"
If she could explain, then she would. She would stand straight and tell him that she had wanted that baby more than anything and that she hadn't planned on lying. She had even hoped for a life with him and the baby, and for them to become a family. But he hadn't even had the guts to tell her to her face that he didn't want her, or that he was still in love with her friend.
Now, after almost eighteen months of complete silence from him, she can't explain, because doing that will break her.
How the hell could he be this cruel? He must have known back then how she felt and still he played along in the charade. Told her he loved her, kept pushing her to say it back, and all the time he had still wanted Peyton. He hadn't tried to get in touch with her once since then, so what did he really want from her?
"You have no right Lucas!" she gets out, so close to tears that it scares her. "You strung me along, just like you did with Lindsey. I guess she was just a second hand deal as well, since you broke up with her as soon as Peyton got back!"
"Peyton? Oh god, sometimes you're so DAMN stupid!!"
He's yelling now and in the corner of her eye she sees the expression on Peyton's face. The blonde looks totally crestfallen.
Damn it. The blonde had probably just figured out that the timeline of this meant that she and Lucas had had sex, merely days after Peyton broke up with him.
"I'm sorry Peyton…" she mumbles in the direction of her former best friend. "It's not how you think…"
It is as if her fragile house of cards is finally falling down over her head and she wants to just run. Run out of the club, out of Tree Hill, and never return.
"You're telling her that you're sorry?"
Lucas grabs her arm now, forces her to look at him.
"Yes I am…" she looks up at him defiantly. "Because I never want her to feel like I did! But I guess she was smarter then I was, because she turned you down."
She tries to get away from him. Tries to, but fails because she can't bare ripping her arm out of his grip. Not when he looks as if she's just torn his heart out of his chest.
The people around them are staring now, but thankfully the music is still on and none of the people from the press seemed to have noticed the ruckus from their secluded corner.
Rachel puts her hand on Lucas shoulder and she can see that the redhead is prepared to plead.
"Lucas… there's people here from both Entertainment Weekly and InTouch, even ABC. This is exactly the type of thing they're looking for… They're gonna rip Brooke to shreds if they hear this…"
But her blond ex just shakes off Rachel's hand.
"Brooke. Look at me."
His voice is stern. Icy. "You do NOT turn this on me, you hear me? I had a right to know!"
She pushes him in the chest to create more space between them, because being this close to him is suddenly hurting her physically. Just the faint scent of his cologne throws her back to the many nights that she had missed him so much that she had almost made herself sick from the pressure of tears inside her. She still remembers the pain from the first night when she realized that he wouldn't come back. And now she's feeling the same pain again.
He stumbles back a step, probably seeing her determination, maybe even her anger. But obviously not the fact that she's slowly but surely falling apart.
"Fine! I'm sorry!" she half pleads, half yells. "Okay? I'm really sorry… I though I was protecting the both of us! There was no reason for you to know… Not when you didn't…"
He interrupts her again and the ice turns to fire. Hot and consuming anger.
"It's too late Brooke!" he bellows. "It's been eighteen months! A damn year and a half! Don't you see that it's fucking too late to apologize?"
Suddenly she feels so tired of fighting with him and unable to stop her bottom lip from trembling, she mumbles "Can we do this somewhere else Lucas? Please?"
She wants him to understand, wants him to forgive her for lying. His beautiful blue eyes are weary and tired behind the mask of harsh words, as if he hasn't slept a whole night for weeks. And there's this profound sadness in them that makes it even more evident that he doesn't understand why she has done this. And when push comes to shove, when she once again steps closer to him and reaches out to hold on to the front of his sweater, her hurt expression and slight peace-offering seems to do nothing to extinguish his anger.
He just takes a deep breath and his face turns stone cold. He grabs her wrists and with a swift but controlled motion, he removes her hands from his shirt. And then she hears him hiss:
"You're clearly not the same, Brooke. And because of what you did, I'm not the same… You… this… it ruined us!"
Then he averts his eyes from her.
"Ican't look at you…" he mumbles.
Then he leaves.
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize,
it's too late…
"Lucas!"
He hears the voice calling him from a distance, but he doesn't care. It's as if he's in a dreamlike state. Or probably more in some kind of nightmare. He keeps running, keeps pushing his legs to go faster and the other person keeps following.
"Luke! What the fuck! Can you stop?"
The voice is persistent and he's not surprised. His brother is as stubborn as they come. Nathan will keep following him until the end of time if he has to, and there's really no use trying to outrun him either. But there's nothing to say. Nothing to explain or 'deal' with. He just wants to get back to the house and the safety of the bottle.
"Leave me alone Nate…" he yells back, but he's already slowing down, knowing that Nathan won't listen and that there's no use. "I don't want to talk."
"Well, tough luck big brother, I do!"
His dark haired brother has caught up to him now and they both stop. Hunched over a little, with hands rested against bended knees, they both spend a couple of seconds to catch their breaths. And he can't help but wonder if it pleases Nathan that he had been right all along. He had after all said that something big must have happened back in New York. Why would Brooke otherwise have been so broken?
How the hell could you lie to me, Brooke… Why didn't you tell me?
He turns and looks at Nathan. Waits for his brother to say what ever it is he's come to say. And Nathan watches him closely, forehead in creases and sad eyes.
"You've gotta come back…" he says pleadingly. "You and Brooke… you need to talk about this."
"No."
You were my world, Brooke. You and that baby were going to be my family…
"What do you mean 'no'?" Nathan's eyes are full of frustration. "She carried your baby, man! Your baby…"
"Yeah? And then she lied."
He laughs dryly and walks backwards. "She lied straight to my fucking face… All I wanted was to be there for her and she LIED and said the baby wasn't mine!"
All I wanted was to hold you and grieve our baby together with you…
He shakes his head and squints. His subconscious betrays him and keeps the internal dialogue with Brooke going even though the brunette is left behind in the club. And it hurts so damn much.
"There must be a reason for that Lucas. Brooke loves you. There must be a logical explanation for all this, and you need to find out what that is because you love her too, man… this has to stop Luke. You twohave to talk."
He shakes his head again.
"No we don't Nathan! Can't you understand that I have nothing left to say to her?"
He has nothing left to say to Brooke and yet his mind keeps playing their last conversation at the hospital.
"I never said that you were the father, right? And you aren't, Lucas. I told you to forget about me. I need to be on my own Lucas. It has nothing to do with you… I don't want to have a relationship with you. You or anyone."
"But Brooke…"
"No Lucas. I'm tired… just go."
"If I walk out this door Brooke, I won't come back."
"It's the way I want it. I can't do this… One day you'll understand."
Understand? What the hell was there to understand? He still doesn't, and it's been a year and a half now.
"She lied, Nate!" he keeps yelling like a broken record. "I have NOTHING to say to her!"
Nathan shakes his head sadly and watches as he keeps retreating backwards. Towards his house. Towards safety in forms of bottled numbness. And this time Nathan doesn't follow.
"You're going to regret this, Lucas… deep inside you know she didn't do this to hurt you…"
"I don't care."
Somewhere in the back of his head a single sentence from the past floats up to the surface.
It doesn't matter… in the end it all hurts just the same.
I said it's too late to apologize…
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground
Author's note:I know that this chapter was longer than what is even sane. And I know that it is also a lot more confusing than usual, but I blame that on the fact that a lot of pieces were written while I still had fever. If it's too weird, feel free to PM me any of your questions. LOL I just thought it was better to post before you all started sending me hate-mail.
Love you all.
Thank you's:
BIG thanks to Hilary (BrookeScott134) for trying to help me figure this mess out when I was sick. Love you, girl!
Emma (brucasnaleyjeyton): Hey kiddo! I love us too. You know I couldn't have done this without you, right? And I know I've already told you this but that review from last chapter was soo sweet. Since you're my little undercover brathan-lover I'll make sure to give you some more Brathan scenes ;) And I hope you're right and that I'm not losing my way with this. Love you baby!
Daniel (FloatingDownARiver): Baby! Have you been worried about me:D I'm gonna send you a long PM with an explanation to why I have been missing, but I wanted to say that I was thrilled to receive both your WONDERFUL review and you valentine's day PM. I think I need to make an award for you for having written the longest review ever in ff-history. What can I say? Other than that you always make my day Daniel. I hope you know that. There is always that little extra in your reviews, that little thing that makes me smile and feel better when I'm sad. And that is on top of all the amazing feedback you give me. Love you for that, so much. Xoxo (LOL, you should read my gossip girl-smut)
Cheyenne (jeytonbrucasnaley): Chey, my love. I don't want to kill you. I need you to stay alive so that you can keep helping me to stay grounded and finish this story. But I'm so glad you liked the chapter. This one is probably more in the lines of a 'long ramble' LOL
Jules (JULESM24): Aren't you little miss detective? Rachel did exactly what you foreshadowed, right? LOL. She came, saw and told it like it is. And when I'm telling you that you're a wonderful person, then I'm doing exactly the same: I'm just telling it like it is ;). I was really hoping that you would love the babysitting and I was right :D We really need some quality BL on the real show soon. Love you Jules!
Trish (OTHbrucas4ever): You know what Trish? I think that if any of all the wonderful writers we have in the BL fanbase would replace Mark, we'd be fine. :D I love your reviews hun, and I agree; Nathan is the bluntest person ever.
Bri (Tripnfallbri): Bri, you are spoiling me with these AMAZING, WONDERFUL and long reviews. You and Daniel are incredible. Every time I think that there is no way you can outdo yourself and yet you do! That review was no less than unbelievable. You pick up every little thing I toss out there and I'm so glad that you didn't find it corny when Brooke told Nathan that she's still in love with Lucas. I really hope you do know how much your reviews mean. Thank you immensely!
Whitney (whiters): I BET you love/hate them even more after this chapter. LOL I know I do. Brooke and Lucas drive me insane sometimes. It's like I don't decide over them, I just let them out of Marks world and now I have to go 'their' way to be able to finish this story. Thanks for your nice review.
Ebony (jc4127): LOL, well it's okay that you've been a slacker since I took three times as long as usual to update. And this chapter didn't have that much Peyton either, right? I'll see what I can do about that Peyton-less world, alright? ;)
Chelsea (brucaschopia4ever): Chels, I'm so sorry this took so long. I know you told me to update super soon. And I will, okay? Your reviews make me so happy, I hope you know that. Mega-hugs.
Britt: I'm glad to hear that you haven't abandoned my story but I really miss you. I haven't seen you on msn in ages either I really hope your computer will be fixed soon. Much love…
Brucas True Love: Was that 'talk' a good start or was it too much yelling? ;) thanks for the review.
lonesome dreamer: LOL thanks for trusting me to take the time I need. I promise that I'll do my best not to disappoint.
Sbf: thank you so much for that sweet review. I hope that I won't disappoint you with the 'reunion' LOL Shel (Truelovedoesntexist): The drinking is sad, but so is Luke and he needs an outlet. Even more so after this chapter, don't you think? Thank you for reviewing.
othfan326: I PM'd you about your question, didn't I? About Lucas knowing that Brooke is coming back since Nathan told him? Anyways, thanks for that amazing review. Its always such a creative 'feed' to know that people actual READ my story and pick up my little 'hints'. LOL Thank you.
brucas333: LOL, I'm not trying to do anything to your heart, but I'm trying to fix Lucas and Brooke… although after this chapter, I bet you think that I'm heading in the wrong direction. ;)
bella: I'm glad I could be of service to take your mind off the show. S5 is really disappointing. Thanks for your review. :D
flipflopgal: the inner struggles from last chapter turned to more explicit struggles in this one. I hope you still like it. Thank you for your review.
Shaz (awhero): It seems to me as if you liked 11 better than 12, and actually that seems to be the general opinion. This is weird to me since 12 had so much more BL… LOL
I love your reviews Shaz, you know that. Thank you so much.
Brucas2006: About Peyton… well, she's kind of been on a backburner for a while, and she really isn't that important right now. But she'll resurface. :D I'm so happy to hear that you like my story. Reviews like yours is exactly what I need to keep being inspired.
Greekcat92: And how sweet are you? Reviewing almost every chapter:D I hope that this chapter made up a good enough thank you for all that greatness. I'm so glad to hear that you like my story, and I agree, Lucas is stupid for leaving, but he's just so scared… I usally don't take so long between updates for this story and I really hope you'll stick with it. :D Thank you!
Redfeather1988: Welcome to the story. It's been a while ;) I love those reviews.
Loes (Loezzzje): LOL my pervy little Loes… they'll get it on again, don't you worry.
Natalie (Iluvmedou) thank you hun! Goosebumps huh? And I crave your reviews ;)
Treehilldreams: You were so right. I was refering to the baby she lost when she didn't want him kissing her belly. Guilt can be a very powerful thing… I loved your review and I'm happy to see that you still trust me to fix them. Thanks!
Isa (Zazou21): LOL I didn't mean to either make you go nuts or break your heart, but I'm soo glad that you liked the hotel-scene. And I'm so happy that you all seem to have picked up all the emotion I tried to put in there. Nathan and Brooke are both blunt with their way of expressing things, maybe that's why they work so well together? Thank you so much for that wonderful review.
Taylergirl: I'm sorry I've kept you waiting. I really hope this chapter was good enough. Thanks for your reviews and PM's.
Ella (ellabella18): I'm so glad you liked that part. And I hope that this chapter didn't disappoint. Your reviews feed me. :D
Jessica (Hermoinegirl03): two reviews? How awesome are you? LOL both of those reviews were amazing and I'm so glad that you liked the 'moment' between Brooke and Lucas at the hotel. As for the carriage-ride scene, I am a somewhat regular (used to be every day) visitor of Fanforum and their spoiler-thread ;) On there we make it our business to find out as much as we can about the new season and sometimes those spoilers make it into my story. PM me if you wanna know more. Thank you again hun.
Chebelle: As you said; They're madly in love, although sometimes love hurts so much, right? Lucas is hurting and the drinking is his outlet, but I'll adress that, I promise. Thanks for the review :D
Gracie (Brookebynature): Hun, haven't you been miss busy bee? Lol. I need to sit down and review all the oneshots that you've been pushing out lately. And I'm sorry this update took so long.
Coffee.With.Cinnamon: It makes me immensly proud to know that my story is the first one you took time to review. That is like the best compliment a writer can receive. That, alongside with the fact that I make you feel with my characters. I'm so proud that you like my stories and I really hope that you'll keep following them. It's clear to me that even though english might not be your native language, you write it better than well. I bet you'd write a great story. And I need you to know that what you call pointless rambling; I call a positively AMAZING review!
Kacie: Welcome to the story:D
BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE , LiZ457 , Othrox, PrincetongirlSuper thank you to all of you. I'm so happy that you're still reading my story.
Special shout out to Joe and HelenItsMe from last chapter: Joe, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes there just isn't time to review. Just know that I'm very grateful. HelenItsMe: Welcome to the story. And thank you.