canterlevi: Wow. Now I have him sounding like Voldemort in my head. Oh well. Having fun with it anyway. ;-) BTW, everyone: thanks for the feedback!

He had told her that he loved her.

Of course he was probably seeing rainbows and munchkins too.

But she hadn't returned the sentiment. Hadn't even acknowledged it. He had said it in a state of wrapping up loose ends kind of way. She wasn't going to have it so she'd refused.

What if though? What if he had some kind of internal queue that told him he didn't have long? Ridiculous. Or was it? People in his condition died all the time. It was very easy for them to suddenly take a turn for the worst without provocation.

Warm water washed over her but did little to dispel her tension. A nurse had taken pity on her and allowed access to an empty hospital room for a shower. She thought it would make her feel better but it didn't. The more she contemplated Cal's would be goodbye, the tighter the knot in her stomach curled and the stronger the compulsion to return to his side became. It pulled tighter and tighter until she could barely breath. Without another thought, she turned the shower off and dried off quickly. Pausing only to run a comb through her wet hair, she was dressed and heading back to ICU.

Talbot was leaving the room when she arrived. A little pucker of worry settled between his eyes before he looked up and saw Gillian.

"Is something wrong?" Her voice was sharper than she'd intended.

"Fever's a little higher than I'd like to see. Not uncommon though. Changing his antibiotics just to be cautious." He gave her a reassuring smile.

Gillian didn't feel reassured. "Infection?"

"No, but like I said, I'm just being cautious."

"I'm sorry." She softened, guilt nipping at her. The doctor wasn't responsible for this situation. "I didn't mean to sound so snappy."

"It's fine." His brown eyes were warm. "Been a rough couple of days."

You don't know the half of it. She just wanted this nightmare to be over. She wanted to be back in the congestion of D.C. (oddly enough). She wanted Cal to be whole, back to normal and driving her batshit. She wanted to get beyond this constant state of dread that had, unbeknownst to her, become like a second skin.

All she could do was nod.

Gillian stepped into room 7 to find that Cal was now laying on his other side, facing the window. She quietly moved her chair around so she could sit and see his face.

His eyes were open, blinking slowly at her. "Heyyy luuuvvvv. Youuu'rrewettt."

Self consciously, she ran a hand through her hair. It would fall into place when it was dry, the current cut being easy to maintain. "Was finally able to grab a shower."

His eyebrows quirked upwards ever so slightly. "AyyyeeeAyyyee."

The eye roll came automatically, as did the smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Borreddd."

"When do you have time to be bored? You're hardly ever awake."

"Borrrinngggdreeaamss," Cal gave a weak smirk. "Mayybee seeinnngg a wetttyouuu willllfixxxthattt."

Gaping at him, she gave a slight shake of the head. "Don't you think about anything else?"

"UhhUhh."

Well, at least he wasn't despairing at the moment. She'd rather have slightly perverted Cal than talking about last will and testament Cal.

"Annnyyynewwwss?"

"About what?"

"Annyyythin'."

"Dominic Cordova is in custody. Looks like the feds have a solid case."

"Wouuullddhopesooo."

"Ben also told me there are ties to some of the bodies they found outside of Albuquerque a few years back."

Gillian was quiet, her gut saying that they both probably would have joined the ranks out in the desert. The thought left her hollow.

With some effort, he reached out and touched her arm. "S'ovvverrr."

It wouldn't be over until Cal was out of the hospital and even then she worried that they'd be called upon to testify. Ben said it was a possibility. She hoped to hell it wouldn't be necessary though.

She took his hand and cradled it in her own. "I know. We just need to get you out of her already."

"Sorrryyybouttt earlllierr."

"What do you mean?"

"Diddnnn'tt meeeanto uppppsettttyouuu."

"I just don't expect that kind of talk from you. It's not your style to give up and that's exactly what it sounded like."

"Youuu'rrre riighttt."

"Excuse me? Did you just say I was right?" Her eyes began to tease.

He gave her hand a light squeeze and brushed his thumb against her skin. "I'llllldeny ittt."

"Naturally."

"Doooomeeeafavvvorrr?"

"Of course. If I can." She automatically added an addendum. "As long as it doesn't involve smuggling you in porn or something."

Cal gave her a half grin and she almost choked up to see it. "Meeaannwoommann…" He squeezed her hand again. "Actuuuaallly, I wannntttyouu togoooannnddd gettttsommme proppperrrest…"

Sitting up straight, she almost pulled her hand from his. "No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Nottttdoinnn' yourrrrselllfff annnygoood."

"Is this your not so subtle way of telling me I look like shit?"

He stared at her, his eyes intense as his brain fog momentarily lifted. "Immposssibbllle. Allllwaayss looookbeauuuutifulll. Jusssttworrrriiedd boutttyouuu."

"I'm not the one laying in a hospital bed."

"Wanntttoo keeepppitttthat wayyyy."

She knew he was right. She was beyond exhausted and her reality had entered a muddy dream-like state. But she just couldn't do it, feeling that the moment she left, he would crash and she wouldn't be there to catch him.

"Darrlinn, youuuhavvvetoooo thinnkk 'bouutt yourrrselllf."

Starting to shake her head, Gillian felt tears start to fall. "No, I need to stay here."

"Donnn'ttt maaakemeeehavvvve themmmkickkkyooouuoutt."

"What? You wouldn't do that…"

His eyes told her he was deadly serious and she wasn't sure how to respond to it. Confusion and pain gripped her insides as she slowly got to her feet, trembling. "You want me to go?"

Cal nodded slowly, eyes dipping again before shifting back to her face. He could see her hurt but even in his addled state, he could also see she was close to collapsing. "Commmebacckkk tooomeee tommorrrowww whennnyouuu've sllleppt."

Steeped in denial, she impatiently brushed at her tears before slowly turning away and taking a hesitant step toward the door.

"LovvveyouuGilliannn."

At that moment, she knew that he was being completely truthful with her. He desperately wanted her there with him but he loved her enough to put himself second. She could hear it in his voice. The drugs had stripped away any inclination to hide behind falsehoods. Her tears now fell unimpaired as she turned back to him. Without a word, she leaned down and brushed his lips with hers. "Good night Cal. I'll see you in the morning."

He gave a huge loopy grin that made his eyes sparkle beyond the narcotics. "Gooodnigghhttt luvvv."

Still fearful, she ran her fingers across his cheek, knowing that he would, without a doubt, follow through on his threat to have her ousted.

"AnndddGilll?"

"Hmmm?"

"Surrreyouuuwonnn'ttt reconnnsiderrr abbouutthe porrrrn?"