I don't own Twilight.

"You meant more to me than anyone that I've ever loved at all. But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you, this is what I have to do. Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you. All I know is that I should. And I don't know if I can stand another hand upon you. All I know is that I should. Cause she will love you more than I could, she who dares to stand where I stood." Where I Stood, Missy Higgins

"Oh, for the love of everything holy!" I yelled loudly. I threw my head back and groaned while Seth stood there and laughed at the fact that I had just dropped an entire container of tarter sauce all over my legs and shoes.

"Nice," Seth nodded in approval.

"Kiss my ass," I grumbled. I tossed the now empty container into the sink and shook my leg to try and get the clumps of sauce off of my jeans.

Of all days for this to happen, it would be today. I would drop an entire vat of disgusting and smelly sauce all over myself on the day that Edward was coming here. It was just my luck.

"Calm down, drama queen," Seth said, throwing me a towel. "Your shift ends in like twenty minutes."

I opened my mouth to explain to him that even if my shift did end in twenty minutes, I was going to be eating lunch here with Jasper and Edward. But I didn't need to give him any more ammunition that he already had, so I just nodded and continued wiping off my legs. He grabbed a pile of silverware and patted the top of my head before walking out of the kitchen.

Why did I even agree to this? Jasper had suggested meeting here, that way it wouldn't just be the two of us… but now I wasn't so sure this was the best plan. If we were at my parent's house it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me to have a nervous breakdown. If it happened here… then I was screwed.

"It's just… talking Bella," I told myself. My hands shook as I leaned against the wall and took deep calming breaths. "Just…talking…"

I pushed away from the wall and walked back into the front of the restaurant. Seth was behind the bar rolling silverware, and other than that, he place was empty.

"I'll be right back," I told him while digging my keys out of my pocket. "I have some flip flops in the back of my car."

I pushed opened the door and stopped. It shouldn't have surprised me when I saw Jasper's truck pulling into the parking lot. God had one jacked up sense of humor today.

"Breathe, Bella," I whispered quietly. I took a deep breath, fighting back the panicked feeling that was making my hands shake and my stomach bubble. You said you would try to be open to this, and to at least listen to what he had to say, I reminded myself. After another breath I gave some sort of spastic hand wave to them. Real nice, Bella.

Jasper got out first and smiled encouragingly, "Hey…"

"Hi," I muttered.

I wanted to look at Edward, to show him that I wasn't scared, but I couldn't make myself do it. Instead I stared at the pavement.

"Are you sure? About this?" Jasper asked quietly. He moved so that he was standing in front of me and I nodded. "Bella…"

You can do this. You are stronger than this. I reminded myself, again.

Looking up at Jasper, I nodded again and said, "I want to do this." My voice was shaky, but I meant it.

"Alright," he agreed. I watched as he turned around and waved for Edward to get out of the truck. I wanted to reach out and grab onto Jasper's hand. Instead, I took a deep breath and made myself look up at the person walking towards us.

Edward looked like he always did, maybe a little thinner, but mostly the same. He still walked with the same slow steps and his hands shoved into his pockets. His shoulders still hunched forward while he looked at the ground. I didn't see anything different, until he looked at me. Then, I had to stop myself from gasping.

His eyes were totally different than I had ever seen before. I had seen Edward at his absolute worst, and at his very best. And never, had I seen his eyes look like this. They weren't lifeless or defeated like I thought they would be. They weren't hard or cruel like they had been the last time I saw him. They were just… different.

"Bella," he said softly.

My heart felt like it was sitting at the base of my stomach, and the same defeated feeling started creeping over me. No! I mentally screamed at myself. You can not fall apart after he says one fucking word! But even as I mentally chastised myself, I couldn't stop the onslaught of memories that flooded over me. Just by him saying one word… my own fucking name… I was giving in. My eyes started burning, threatening to cry. I took another deep breath and pushed it all back.

I lifted my head higher and looked him in the eyes. "Edward," I said in the strongest voice I could manage.

We continued to stare at each other, neither one of us backing down. While I was trying to show him that I was stronger than what I had been before, he seemed to just be… taking me in. It was like he was studying every inch of my face. It made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

"Not to be a jackass, but what the hell is all over your pants?" Jasper asked. I jumped as his voice interrupted the uncomfortable silence that had surrounded us. The three of us all looked down at my legs, and then the two of them looked back at me.

"I dropped a container of tarter sauce…" I quietly admitted. "I was coming out here to grab some other shoes."

Edward smiled slightly.

"Same ole' Bella," Jasper laughed and nudged my shoulder.

Had it been under any other circumstances, I probably would have agreed. But the fact that Edward was standing here…that I was trying too fucking hard to prove to him and myself that I was past all of this… I just flipped.

"No," I said harshly. Both of them looked a little surprised. "I am not the same old Bella," I explained slowly.

A look of embarrassment and understanding washed over Edward's face. I nodded as Jasper apologized and walked past both of them. Moving as quickly as I could, I unlocked my car and dug the pair of flip flops out. Neither one of them said anything as I changed shoes.

"Lunch?" I asked. When neither one of them did anything but shake their heads, I walked past them and back inside.

"What the hell took you so long?" Seth asked. He smiled when saw Jasper walking in behind me. "Oh look. Bella's boyfriend is back." I stopped the second the words left his mouth, making Jasper run into the back of me. Edward cleared his throat nervously.

I realized Seth was talking about Jasper rather than Edward, and tried to cover my embarrassment by introducing people. "Seth this is…"

"No fucking way," Seth said quietly, interrupting me. He laughed loudly and shook his head. "You're Edward Cullen!"

I slowly turned to look back at Edward, who was still standing by the door. He nervously nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. "That would be me."

"Dude!" Seth yelled loudly and ran past me. Edward smiled while he shook his hand. "I saw you last year when you played in Houston! Fucking awesome show!"

"Thanks," Edward nodded. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

I had extreme second hand embarrassment for Seth as he kept making a huge ass of himself. I groaned when he started singing and playing an air guitar.

"So what the hell dude!" Seth yelled excitedly. "What's the deal with the new album?"

Edward nodded while giving me a nervous look. "Uh… yeah. I'm working on it actually."

"We aren't staying here," I muttered to Jasper. He laughed but nodded his head. "Alright Seth, we um… need to go."

"Wait!" He yelled and ran past me to get his cell phone and then tossed it to me. "Take a picture!"

After several pictures on his cell phone we finally left the restaurant. As I drove though town, I kept looking in the rearview mirror, watching as Jasper and Edward talked. It was actually more like Jasper talking while Edward just nodded his head.

The hard part was over, that's what I told my self. The original meeting and awkwardness was past us, and now we could focus on what we each had to say. I pulled into my parent's driveway, thankful that they weren't home yet. The last thing I needed was my mother fawning over how perfect Edward was. I got out of the car and waited as Jasper pulled in behind me. He rolled down the window and I frowned before walking over to him. Edward awkwardly got out and shut the door behind him.

"I'm going to go pick something up and then I'll be back," Jasper said quietly.

"You're leaving?" I asked quietly. My eyes darted back to Edward who was leaning against the back of my car. "Jasper…"

"You don't need me to be here for this." He looked at Edward and then back at me. "Bella he needs… he wants to apologize. The two of you need to talk about this, and it doesn't really have anything to do with me."

I wanted to argue with him, but I couldn't because he was right. I wanted Jasper to be there to act like a security blanket, to make me feel better and maybe lessen the awkwardness of the situation.

"Okay," I nodded. He gave me a reassuring smile and backed out of the driveway. After sighing, I looked back at Edward who was staring at his feet. "Do you um… want to go inside?"

"If you want," he said hesitantly.

What I wanted was to start this whole damn day over. I nodded and walked up to the front porch. I felt his eyes watching me while I unlocked the door and led him into the living room.

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked quietly. He shook his head. "Are you hungry? I could… well I can't cook but…"

Edward smiled and shook his head. "Can we just sit down and talk?"

Watching his smile made my chest ache but I nodded. I sat on the edge of my father's chair while Edward sank down onto the couch. The two of us were quiet, too quiet, and it was making me uncomfortable.

"Bella, there isn't an easy way to do this…" he said quietly. "The only way that I know how to do this is to just… tell you."

I nodded and looked at him. "What do you want to tell me?"

He sighed and moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the couch.

"There is a lot that I need and want to tell you, but I think the first thing is that this won't be easy. I know you will be mad, and you have every right to be. Just… please promise me that you will listen and tell me how you honestly feel." Edward spoke slowly, like he was trying to figure out the right words to use.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Say it… please," he asked quietly.

"I promise I will listen to you and that I will be honest," I vowed. Goosebumps covered my neck and arms as he looked at me. I wasn't sure what he could possibly say that could make any of this worse, and that thought wasn't comforting.

Edward opened and shut his mouth several times before pushing away from the couch. I watched as he paced back and forth in front of me, my nerves making me grip the arms of the chair I was sitting in.

"I just… Okay," he sighed and turned around to look at me. "I have lied to you, about… a lot of things."

Lied? I nodded, but wondered what the hell he was talking about. My mind immediately went to the worst possible scenario; he had slept with someone else before Katie. I took a deep breath and continued watching him.

"The um…" he muttered. "Fuck! This is so…"

He started pacing faster. I watched him until it got to the point that I was ready to scream.

"Edward please…" I finally reached out and grabbed his arm. He stopped and looked at me. "Please, just tell me. Whatever it is… I can't handle you pacing… I just… you're making me a nervous wreck."

"Bella…" he said slowly. I nodded for him to continue. "I… didn't sleep with Katie…"

I blinked slowly. "What?" I asked him. I let go of his arm and stood up. "I don't understand… You didn't sleep with Katie?"

He shook his head and looked at me. "I lied…I told you I slept with her so that you would leave New York."

I fell back into the chair I had been sitting in and shook my head. My chest hurt… I couldn't breathe. I didn't understand what he was telling me. It didn't make sense.

"Why…" I whispered quietly. I stared up at him and asked louder. "Why would you lie to me about that?"

Edward kneeled down on the floor in front of me. "I… knew that you loved me. I heard you tell me… when… in Orlando. You thought I was asleep…"

I couldn't think… I couldn't speak… I don't think I could even breathe.

"Bella, I didn't think that I deserved you. I thought that… you could do so much better than someone like me. I thought that even… even if I loved you back I would end up breaking your heart one day," he explained slowly. "I pushed you away from me because I didn't want to hurt you… I didn't want you to love me…"

My eyes closed and I shook my head. "You…"

"I made so many mistakes with you… and… I'm so incredibly sorry."

"No…" I whispered as tears fell down my cheeks. "You… told me that you didn't need me. You…"

"I know and it was a lie. I didn't… Bella, I needed you more than anyone else in my life. You were my best friend…" Edward explained quietly. "Please look at me, Bella."

Reluctantly my eyes found his.

"I shouldn't have used you or taken advantage of your friendship… your love. I should have seen… from the beginning… that you loved me." Edward spoke in soft whispers.

I looked away, not wanting to hear anymore of this. Edward's hand gently turned my face back towards his. "I shouldn't have ever told James or lied about Katie. I shouldn't have lied and told you that I didn't need you… because I…"

My eyes closed again as his thumb gently ran across my cheek.

"Bella I'm sorry…" he said quietly when I looked at him again. "I don't have an excuse… I just…"

I felt myself crumbling. I could feel the defenses that I had been building since I left Seattle falling to pieces. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall apart again just because he had shown up and told me he was sorry.

"No…" I said quietly.

"No?" Edward repeated me.

I made myself look at him, hating how my heart ached at the look on his face.

Edward Cullen was the man that I had loved for longer than I could remember. He was the epitome of everything that I thought I wanted and needed. Looking at him now… I could still remember why I loved him. I could still see that he was what I wanted… what I needed.

I loved Edward. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone else in my life. Ten months ago I would have been willing to give anything for him. I would have easily traded my own life, if it meant that he would be happy… safe.

"No," I said again. I was louder this time.

"You… don't accept my apology?" Edward asked me.

I stood up and took over the job of pacing. He sat in the chair and watched me.

"Edward…" I stopped and looked back at him. "You made a decision that… nearly killed me. You made the choice to lie to me about something that friends should never… ever… lie about."

He nodded in agreement but remained silent.

"You purposefully hurt me… because you thought that was what was best for me?"

"You deserved better, Bella."

"Why do you get to make that decision?" I asked angrily. "I thought you could do a whole lot better than Jane, but I let you make your own mistake…"

"And look at how that ended… look at what it caused!" He explained urgently. "You deserved better than that…"

"You aren't Jane!" I yelled at him. "God, Edward! Why couldn't you see that I didn't care! Do you think that I didn't know who you really were? I know you better than anyone else on this planet! I saw you at your absolute worst and instead of seeing what you had become I saw what you could be… would be!"

He looked down at the floor and took a deep breath. "I thought I was saving you from heartache."

I stopped pacing and looked down at him. "What?" I asked quietly.

He looked up at me and shook his head. "I thought that by pushing you away… I would save you from the heartache that I would cause you…"

I grabbed Edward's arm and pulled him behind me, ignoring his questions about where we I was going or what I was doing. I pulled him up the stairs and into my bedroom. He stopped in the doorway as I walked over to my desk and picked up the notebooks. I turned back to face him, my arms full of them.

"You thought you were saving me from heartache?" I asked while shaking my head. "That's what all of this is! I couldn't talk to anyone… I couldn't deal with anything…"

Edward watched as I shoved the notebooks in his arms. "What…"

I nodded to the books he was now holding. "That's my heartache Edward… and I'm giving it back to you."

He slowly walked toward the bed and laid all of them down. I watched as he picked one up and slowly read through the first few pages.

Maybe I should have felt a little exposed about what he was reading, but I didn't. Those words that covered all of those pages were about him. They were every memory, fear, hope, dream… everything that I had ever felt about him.

"Bella… I didn't…"

I shook my head because it didn't matter anymore.

"My heart was broken… is still broken," I admitted quietly. "Those books are what put it back together."

Edward nodded and I saw tears slowly sliding down his face.

"You wanted to save me from heartache… then take those with you when you leave. I don't want them… I don't want to be reminded of everything that I lost."

He stopped reading and turned around to look at me. "Bella, I'm so sorry that I did this…"

I shook my head. "I just want peace for both of us. I want to remember how great we were before any of this started. I forgive you, and I will always love you… but I can't keep holding on to this. I can't keep holding on to you…"

The two of us stood there looking at each other and crying. It was sad and depressing, but I kept reminding myself that both of us could walk away from this without hating each other. This was a chance for us to make this right.

"Bella…" Edward said after several minutes. He dropped the notebook on the bed and tentatively stepped towards me. "That night in Orlando... when you walked in to the hotel room and you saw me playing. Do you remember that?"

I nodded and looked up at him as he got closer to me.

"I didn't know it then… but that was when I knew that I loved you," he explained quietly. "When I saw you standing there… smiling and just being you… I fell in love with you."

My head fell against his chest as I cried. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, hugging me to him.

"I'm not telling you any of this to make you forgive me or to try and get you to come back with me," Edward whispered against the top of my head. "I just… I want you to know. I love you Bella, and I thank God every single day that he put you in my life."

My arms wrapped around him as we both stood there crying. I wanted to tell him to forget it, that I loved him and that we should be together. But as much as I wanted that, I knew it wasn't what we both needed. What we needed was forgiveness, the truth, and a chance to move past what had happened, and that was what we had just given each other.

"Edward I…" My voice broke as I cried against his shoulder. "I will always consider you my best friend. I will always be proud of you… and I will always love you."

He let go of me and I looked up at him as he gently wiped the tears off of my cheeks. "Then I will always consider myself a lucky man."

I held onto his hands as he leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against mine. Our foreheads leaned against each other's, and for a few minutes there was nothing but silence that surrounded us. Edward slowly pulled away from me and smiled a sad sort of smile. I watched as he pulled something out of his jacket pocket and handed it to me.

"I don't expect you to listen to this right now… in fact I hope you don't," he explained when I took the CD case from him. "But, I hope that if you ever doubt what we were or how I feel about you… then you will listen to it, and remember that even though it hurt… a lot… everything that happened to us, happened for a reason."

Nodding, I took the CD and held it against my chest and watched as Edward took the notebooks off of my bed. As he was walking towards the door, he stopped and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

"Thank you," he whispered against my skin. "Thank you for always believing in me."

"Edward, promise me that you'll be great," I whispered back.

He looked down at me and smiled. "I promise," he said quietly.

I watched as Edward walked out of my bedroom. I continued to stare at the empty space when I heard him shut the front door. It could have been several minutes or maybe even hours later, before I realized I was still standing there.

Did I just make a huge mistake? Had I just watched the man that I loved more than anything else in my life walk away, knowing that he loved me? I shook my head and sat on the edge of my bed.

"No," I answered myself quietly. If this whole situation had taught me anything, it was that I couldn't stop living my life just to make him happy. I had to go back to living my life, and Edward had to go back to living his.

I took the CD that he had given me and hid it in the back of one of my desk drawers. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Everything happens for a reason Bella," I said quietly.

The truth was that I did love Edward, I always would. But right now… I had to love myself more.

AN: There will be an EPOV to follow in The Groupie outtake story, Side B. I haven't finished it yet, but should have it up soon! Maggie... you rock!