SPOV

My eyes fluttered open and I released a small groan when the throbbing pain in the side of my head registered to my slow to catch up brain.

For a minute, I was confused. I had no idea where I was. It was like the small knock to my head had given me Alzheimer's disease. Then it all came rushing back. Clary, her brat, and the blonde asshole that was always around.

I slowly raised myself to my elbows and looked around Clary's shitty apartment.

I felt my lips sneering in disgust. God she was such a pig. There was toys, and clothes strewn all across the lounge room and a used cup and plate sat dirty on the coffee table.

The curtains hanging over the small window that were supposed to be a bright yellow colour were the colour of seeded mustard and was in need of a deep cleaning.

The blanket that was thrown carelessly over my waist and legs had a hole in one corner and all the edges of the blanket were fraying.

God, couldn't she afford to even get the most basic nice stuff instead of the second hand garbage that was all around the apartment. I knew that she even dressed our children in the cheap charity shop clothes rather than getting new ones from the shops.

She was such a poor excuse of a mother. A mother that should never have been given custody to her kids.

But I was going to rectify that.

I looked towards the kitchen and what I saw made my blood boil.

Jace was sitting on a kitchen chair, and Clary was standing in front of him, in between his parted thighs as he looked up at her lovingly.

I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Clary was talking and Jace was listening with such devoted attention while he rubbed his hands up and down her arms, not even aware of his actions. A light smile graced his lips as he brought his hand up to cup her cheek and his thumb rubbed lightly across the span of her cheek. That caused Clary to smile.

It made me made. The little bitch didn't deserve love or happiness after all the stress and crap that she put me through, and I was going to make sure she didn't get it. Though, I didn't want them to know I was awake just yet. I wanted to keep studying them.

Jace was now talking, replying to whatever Clary had said, and she began to slowly shake her head and opened her mouth to argue. I huffed in disbelief. After all this time Clary still didn't know when to keep silent. Clearly Jace was trying to tell her something and she didn't want to hear it.

Jace grabbed her hands lightly in his, and brought them to his chest, making Clary step even closer into his embrace. As he was talking, Clary's head was already shaking in disagreement.

Jace was now nodding his head, pulling Clary all the way into him so that she had no choice but to straddle his lap. Once Jace had finished talking Clary's eyes closed and she leaned her forehead against his as she nodded.

Their affection for each other made me sick. I didn't see what the blonde idiot could see in her and why he was still hanging around. Not to mention she had four kids to another guy that wasn't his.

As Clary opened her eyes, Jace took a hold of her face and brought her lips down to his. After a few seconds, Clary's hands wrapped around Jace's neck and she deepened the kiss. Once I saw Clary's hips twitch, I coughed. Finally making myself known that I was awake.

Clary stiffened, and turned in Jace's hold, dropping one arm from around his neck. Jace peering around Clary, his face hardening as his eyes latched onto me. Clary made a movement as if to move out of his hold but Jace kept his arms locked around her waist so that she remained sitting on his leg.

I smirked. So the bitch still had a bit of submission left in her.

"You're awake," Clary stated.

"No shit Sherlock," I fired back as I sat up fully on the couch and tossed the god forsaken blanket off me.

Jace growled as his eyes narrowed on me. "Careful what you say jackass. The only reason you are still here and are taking up Clary's hospitality and couch is because Clary didn't want me to throw you out while you were unconscious. So have a bit more respect."

Inside I was grinning, happy to get such a strong reaction out of him, but I kept silent and looked down at my lap as if ashamed for my actions. If I wanted my plan to work I needed to act as if I was frightened and submissive.

"I don't know why you came here tonight Sebastian, but let me make one thing clear. You are not welcome here, and you are not welcome near my children. The next time I see you I will be issuing a restraining order and be letting the police in on our past and what you are like." Clary said boldly.

My eyebrows rose. Her children! As if she created them herself and I didn't have a say over them.

But I had to go along with the plan. "Ok," I muttered looking down at the dirty floor boards.

I stood up, leaving the discarded blanket and pillow on the couch as I slipped on my shoes and made my way over to the door to leave.

"Oh and Sebastian?"

I turned at the sound of her voice to see her looking at me with such a fierce expression. One I had never seen before.

"If you ever touch my children again, I personally will make you pay for it."

Facing away from her so she couldn't see my smirk I smiled. As if that little bitch frightened me!

I didn't even bother replying as I opened the door and slammed it closed behind me.

I winced as a group of screaming kids ran past Jace and I towards a big castle.

We were at inflatable wonderland for Skye's birthday party that Phoebe was invited to and my head was already pounding an hour in. Thank god it only went for another hour and then we could all go home where I could then take some aspirin.

I put a hand to my head, lightly rubbing it as I watched Skye's mother call everyone over to do the birthday cake and presents.

I never had liked the woman. She was a chauvinistic bitch that only cared about looks and how popular they were. Catarina had always looked down her long pointed nose at me as if I was nothing better than a piece of gum stuck on her shoe.

Phoebe came running over to me slightly puffed. "Have you got Skye's present mum?"

I reached down beside my chair into my handbag that had spare nappies and clothes for Jake and grabbed the small little wrapped box with a pink ribbon wrapped around it and handed it to her.

She beamed up at me which made a smile of my own appear. "Thanks mum!"

Before I could say anything else she ran back over to the table and squeezed in between two girls so that she was standing next to Lexi and Will. Skye was kind enough to let the other kids come along to her party with Phoebe so that they could join in too. Skye was in the centre at the table with the girl Lily closely standing on her right. She was the girl that bullied Phoebe in school and tried her hardest to make Skye hate her. But Skye was such a kind spirited girl very unlike her mother that she made her own friends and didn't listen to the other kids around her which was rare for kids their age.

They started singing happy birthday and Skye was smiling from ear to ear. You could just see how genuinely happy she was today to be surrounded by her friends in a fun environment.

Skye blew out the candles and the gifts started to be given. Phoebe was waiting back patiently for her turn to get to Skye.

"What's wrong with your head?"

I turned to look at Jace who was sitting back beside me with his arm around my shoulders.

"Huh?" I asked dropping my hand from my head.

"What's wrong with your head? You've been rubbing it for the last couple of minutes."

"Oh," I looked back towards the kids to see that Phoebe was now giving her present to Skye. "I just have a headache, that's all."

I winced when Skye squealed and looked over to see her throw her arms around Phoebe. She was profusely thanking Phoebe for her gift and was saying that it was her favourite present that she had got and that she refuses to take it off.

Over on Skye's other side, Lily was shooting Phoebe some nasty looks that made me narrow my eyes at the young girl. Kids could be so cruel sometimes.

"Then stop stressing," Jace said moving his hand up so that he was now massaging my neck.

I tilted my head forward and suppressed a moan of delight. God it felt so good. I could feel some of the tension leaving, lessening the severity of my headache.

"I'm not stressing," I replied.

Jace snorted. "Please, you only get headaches when you are stressed about something so what is it?"

I bit my lip, debating about telling him the truth. Knowing full well that he wasn't going to like it. "Well. It's about Sebastian."

Jace glared, but I knew his anger wasn't directed at me.

"Why are you worrying about him? You told him to leave, and he actually did. He listened to you. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him, but I think he might have finally got the message that you aren't willing to mess around with him anymore, and that you are a strong and independent woman now."

I looked away from him, my fingers nervously fiddling with the frayed denim on my jeans. "I know, but you don't know him like I do. It was so odd, the way he just agreed so easily and left without an argument. I don't trust him, and he is always up to something. So it just makes me wonder what he is up to this time."

I took a breath and looked back at Jace to see him looking at me with a troubled expression. "I mean, his come around heaps of times in the past few weeks. Getting physical on more than one occasion."

Jace winced.

"So why is he suddenly backing off now?" I asked.

Jace was silent for a few minutes before he took my hands in his and lightly kissed my knuckles. "I don't know my love, but I can promise you, I won't let him hurt you or the kids again. He'd be brave to even show his face again while I'm around."

I smiled and leaned into his embrace. "I know, but his a conniving son of a bitch. I don't trust him, or his words and actions."

Jace squeezed me gently. "I'm not asking you too. I'm just asking you to trust me, and my words and actions."

I pulled back just enough to smile up at him. "I know, and I do."

Back at home it was a quiet evening. All the kids were too exhausted from their day out to be rowdy and cause trouble, they were already in bed fast asleep after having a simple dinner so that left Jace and I to have the night to ourselves.

We were currently curled up on the couch under the blanket watching 'Love Rosie'. It was one of my favourite movies of all time.

"Phoebe had fun today," Jace said making me look up at him from where I was resting on his chest.

I nodded. "All the kids did. I was so grateful to Skye for letting the other three kids come along, and Phoebe was so excited that Skye wanted to be her new best friend."

Jace chuckled. "Yeah I don't think I'll ever forget the look of happiness on Phoebe's face when they said their goodbyes at the party."

"But that Lily kid is a downer," I said, "I know she's jealous because it was like she was competing with Phoebe to earn Skye's friendship."

"At least Skye has good taste," Jace muttered causing me to giggle.

"But I really don't think Skye is like that. She is genuinely a nice girl, and she just want to be friends with everyone. She doesn't pick favourites from what I've seen."

Jace rubbed my nose with his causing me to giggle again. "I pick favourites," he grinned causing me to laugh again, as he slipped his arms around me bringing me closer to his chest. "And you my love are my favourite."

Laughing I pretended to try and get out of his hold of me. "You're just biased because you haven't met any other girls with curly red hair."

Jace started peppering my face with small butterfly kisses. "But I know that if I met them you would still be my favourite."

I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off with Jace pressing his lips firmly against mine. I immediately opened up to him, letting my eyes fall shut as my lips parted from his probing tongue. My hands fell from his shoulders, sliding slowly down his bare and gloriously naked chest. My fingers finding and feeling all the slightly raised places where scars were from his fighting in teenage years, and the many bad foster homes that he had suffered through.

Jace moved suddenly so that he was holding himself over me. One hand resting on my hip as the other slowly slid up my side under my pyjama shirt, bringing it with him. He paused when he got to just under where my breasts were and he raised his head to look down at me.

"Clary, if at any moment this isn't ok –"

I cut him off with a finger to his lips which he pressed a kiss against. "I'll tell you I promise, but this is fine, I want this, I want you." I said making sure to look in his eyes as I spoke.

Jace's eyes widened slightly as he took in my words and the true meaning behind then. Without further hesitation he lowered himself to me while keeping his weight off me. His lips reclaimed mine as our eyes drifted shut and Jace lifted my shift over my head.

He broke the kiss long enough to look down at me and my now naked chest so that we were pressed skin to skin. I never wore a bra to bed.

"You're so beautiful Clary," he said sincerely, emotion clogging his throat.

I smiled lovingly up at him as I pulled him back down to me. After kissing for a bit, Jace's lips started to venture south, taking his time over my breasts to take one of my nipples in his mouth.

"Jace!" I cried out with ecstasy.

Jace just gave me a wolfish grin as he continued his path until he ended up at my legs, removing my pants until we both were left in our underwear. His a pair of black boxer briefs and mine a pair of plain white hipsters. Totally not sexy, but with the look that Jace was giving me, I didn't feel self-conscious about it.

Jace left them in place for now as he brought himself up to me again and started kissing my lips with a sudden urgency. His teeth crashing against mine as his very obvious arousal pressed into my lower stomach.

As all of his weight pressed me down into the mattress and his hands became desperate to touch every inch of me, I could feel a sudden change in my body.

I was going from feeling aroused and excited by his ministrations to nervous and uncomfortable as memories that I tried hard to supress came up to the surface.

Sebastian had both of my wrists pinned to the mattress about my head in one of his large beefy hands.

His lips trailing my neck as he bit me, causing a rush of pain to course through me making me cry out.

His weight holding me in place as he tore through my shirt and pants.

"Sebastian, please, not like this," I pleaded, yanking at my wrists but it was no use. He was too strong.

His hand cracked across my face. "Don't tell me what to do woman! I am your husband! I will do as I please, and I will show you what happens when you disobey me, and tell me what I can and cannot do!"

His alcoholic breath fanning across my face making my nose wrinkle.

"Sebastian please, stop! I'm sorry! It won't happen again!"

His other hand broke through the clasp on my bra and he brought his hand up to circle my slender throat, squeezing.

"You're damn right it won't! You belong to me! Only me!" he yelled spit flying as his grip on my throat tightened and he proceeded to claim me without my consent.

Fire burned through my body, as I screamed.

I slowly come back to the present to find Jace now sitting beside me, one hand cupping my cheek as the other caressed my arm. "Clary? Deep breaths. . . just focus on my voice," he said, but I was still to keyed up. My body shaking and shivering from a panic attack.

"I-I'm s-sorry, I can't, I'm so sorry, please just stop, don't hurt me," I pleaded, a tear falling down my cheek.

"I'm not going to hurt you Clary," Jace said as I squeezed my eyes shut and he removed his hands off me, giving me space. "Just listen to my voice, when I get to ten, I want you to open your eyes and look at something that comforts you."

I nodded, listening as he counted, at ten I opened my eyes and they were immediately drawn to his golden eyes. Eyes that I have imagined drawing serveral times.

Some of the tension drained out of Jace. "That's good, keep breathing, everything is fine. You are safe." He kept repeating over and over.

Slowly I calmed, my hands were still shaking and I was quivering slightly, but it was back in my mind. The TV still playing 'Love Rosie' behind Jace's shoulder. The lamp on the end table beside the couch casting a soft glow over the lounge room.

Carefully so he didn't startle me, Jace passed me my shirt and helped me slid it over my head. Taking care to not touch my skin as he did so.

When I was able to look Jace in the eyes clearly he finally spoke.

"Are you ok?"

I nodded, trying to clear my sudden dry throat. Jace got up, slow as to not scare me with his movements and went to the kitchen, coming back with a glass of water. He held it out in front of him, waiting for me to move forward to take it.

Taking a large gulp I watched him as he sat back down, his throat and jaw working as he looked to the TV.

"I'm sorry," I said, placing the glass on the end table.

That made Jace look at me. "There's nothing to apologise for Clary, but just tell me one thing."

I remained silent and he took that as permission to continue.

"Did I hurt you?"

The anguish in his eyes when they met mine was almost more than I could bare.

"No, not at all. I'm sorry, I just started to have a flashback. I liked what you were doing, and I was even ready for it . . . It's just suddenly my mind took me back to . . . back to him and I couldn't stop it."

Jace waited a moment to see if I would say more before he nodded. He was so still. Not moving as he sat opposite me.

My fingers started to twitch. I wish he would say something. Maybe now he was finally realising just how damaged I was and didn't want any part of it.

"Jace I'm sorry, I –"

"Would you please stop apologising?" he said harshly making me immediately fall silent. I was falling back into old habits.

I looked to the ground avoiding his eyes as I became silent and submissive.

"Shit," Jace swore. "Clary, I –" he reached out to tilt my head back causing me to flinch.

Jace's hand stilled.

"Clary . . . I'm not going to hurt you," he promised as he slowly touched my chin and gently lifted my head until my eyes met his.

Tears were gathering in my eyes, causing them to burn. Blinking I tried to force them back, but one traitorous tear fell.

Jace caught it, wiping it away as he continued. "I've said it before, I'll never hurt you, it just makes me so angry when I'm with you, and I see how much that bastard has hurt you and done to you. It makes me furious that years later you're still affected by the abuse he caused you, and watching you struggle with things that people normally wouldn't struggle with pains me." He confessed.

Sighing he clasped my cheeks between both his palms, gently pressing his lips against my forehead. "I just want to take it all away, so that it doesn't hurt you anymore. But more than anything, when I see just how much he broke you, it makes me want to kill him. Hurting him just as much as he hurt you, even more so."

My lips trembled with the effort of trying to hold in my cry. "I'm sorry, I want to be someone that you deserve to be with."

Jace pulled back and met my eyes. Making sure I was listening when he spoke. "God Clary, I love you, more than anything, but I feel like I don't deserve you. Nobody does deserve you, but I am going to try my hardest to prove myself to you every damn day I'm with you."

Finally giving into my emotions I began to cry. "I love you too Jace," I sobbed clutching onto his chest.

Making a sound deep in his throat he pulled me into his arms and laid us back down. Shushing me and soothing me until my tears dried, and I fell into a deep and exhausted sleep.

So I'm so sorry it's been so long. Things and life have just got in the way, but I just want you all to know that I will always update. I plan to sit and write out the rest of the story as I am getting further into my pregnancy, and so that it is all written by the time I have my baby so that way I can just update regularly for you guys after I've had my baby.

To make it up to you guys, I tried to make this one a bit longer with a bit of drama.

Poor Clary, I know exactly how she feels and it was emotional for me to write the panic attack scene as I have had many myself.

Please read and review, as I love hearing all your kind words and what you think. Even if I don't get around to all of your reviews, but they do make my day.

Until next time,

Sarah xoxo