A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.

New Way To Bleed - Evanescence

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EPOV

I didn't sit with them at lunch time. I couldn't. I couldn't face her. I had so many questions, questions that I had no right to ask. It was none of my business. If she was with Jake, then that was that. There was nothing I could do about it.
I sat outside in my car during lunch. It was the safest place to be. I had contemplated ditching today, but my father would go crazy and I didn't have the energy to have it out with him. I stared at the dashboard. It was Bella's birthday tomorrow. Would Jake be there? This party would be awkward if he does show. I was dreading it. The last thing I wanted to see was Bella all over him.
That's not her style.
I closed my eyes, leaning my head back. Who knew what her style was anymore. I would never have penned her as the girl who fucked a drug dealer. Did she even know he was a drug dealer? How did they meet anyway?
I cracked my knuckles and sighed, "Façade." I whispered to myself. It was time to put on the façade. Pretend like I didn't know, pretend I didn't care.
I made my way into Biology, settled in my seat and turned toward the window.
Mr. Banner sauntered in, smiling at us all, "Did everyone finish their Genetics homework?" He asked.
I sighed deeply and pulled my work out of my bag, sliding it to the top of the desk. It was all so tedious.
"Thank you, Mr Cullen." He smirked, collecting my paper before he made his way along the class collecting everyone else's.
Bella and Alice opened the door, quickly making their way to their seats. "Sorry." Bella mumbled to Mr. Banner.
I clenched my fists at my sides and closed my eyes.
Breathe, Cullen.
Breathe? Fucking breathe? I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to calm down. Fuck knows how or why I got so angry, but I did.
Just hearing her voice infuriated me to my very soul.
She fucked him.
No. I didn't know that for sure. Maybe she turned the light off cause they were watching a movie. Maybe.
Mr. Banner returned to his desk, "Turn your textbooks to page fifty." He instructed.
I did as I was told and scanned the page quickly. Epigenetic's.
I rolled my eyes, more genetic shit to learn.
Mr. Banner cleared his throat and began a lecture on Morphogenesis and Cellular Differentiation, whatever the fuck that was.
I used to adore Biology, but now, it was just another class and I just had to endure it.

"What would Bella drink?" Emmett asked, sitting cross legged in front of our father's liquor cabinet.
"How the fuck should I know?" I replied, watching him pull out bottles of Bourbon and Tequila.
Emmett frowned, examining the bottles, "She looks like a Tequila girl."
I scoffed at my brother and sat down next to him, "Does it even matter? I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna get to that stage of drunk, they'll drink anything."
"Even Bella?" He asked, raising a brow, "She doesn't seem like that kinda girl."
I shrugged, "She's full of surprises." I commented sourly.
Emmett sighed and lifted out a bottle of Jack Daniels, "Now we're talking."
I grabbed the Tequila and Bourbon and stood up, "We need to get ready." I stated, leaving the room. I went up to my room, sitting the bottles on my couch and moved to my wardrobe.
What does one wear to a house party? I stared at my clothes and sighed. I was worse than a girl. I had to look good for her.
I pulled out a fresh pair of jeans and a black shirt. That would just have to do.
A loud knock on my door caused me to jump, "What?" I hissed.
Emmett barged through the door, holding up his shirt, "This used to be white! It's blue!"
I suppressed a chuckle and feigned concern, "What? Are you sure?"
Emmett glared at his shirt and cursed, "This is ridiculous, Edward."
I shook my head and took the shirt off him, "It doesn't look…too bad."
Emmett snorted, "Are you kidding me? Look at it!" He shook his head angrily, "It's not even properly blue. It's half blue and white. I am not wearing that."
"Why are you telling me?" I throw the shirt back at him.
"Because you did this."
I shrugged, "Easy mistake. Now get the fuck out so I can get ready."
Emmett huffed loudly, "Fine." He opened my bedroom door and stepped out. I shook my head at his outburst and made my way to the bathroom.
The warm feel of the shower was welcome on my skin. It relaxed me and allowed me to think clearer. If I could get Bella alone tonight, I could make things right. Really right. I leaned my forehead against the wall, the water from the shower beating down on my back.
Good plan, asshole.
It was the best I got.

I grabbed my car keys from the glass bowl and leaned against the wall, waiting on my tardy brother.
We were already half an hour late.
"Emmett!" I growled.
He bounded down the stairs, huffing and puffing, "I'm here, I'm here!" He huffed, putting on his jacket.
"You're not planning on driving there, are you?" He asked, eyeing my keys.
"Yeah. I'm not planning on having a lot to drink." I responded, grabbing the bag of alcohol.
Emmett shook his head and opened the front door, "Dad is gonna kill you."
What dad doesn't know won't hurt him.
The drive to Alice's took five minutes, since she didn't live that far from us. I pulled up outside and took a deep breath.
I could hear the music from outside, the laughter of the everyone from inside.
Emmett threw open the door, and bounced inside. This was it.
I shut the car door and slowly made my way to the front door.
Alice spotted me and weaved her way through the dancing bodies, "Hey! How come you're so late?" She shouted over the music.
I shrugged and leaned down to talk in her ear, "Where's the birthday girl?"
Alice pointed toward the kitchen before setting off to find Jasper.
Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I leaned against the kitchen door.
So much for leaving her alone.
I growled inwardly. She needed to know the truth, and so did I.
The kitchen units were overflowing with keg cups and bottles of beer and vodka. The two back doors were open for air and people littered the back garden, smoking and drinking. I scanned the kitchen, searching for Bella.
She stood, staring at a pizza box, chewing on her bottom lip.
I smirked and walked over to her, "You know, you're supposed to eat that, right?"
Bella sighed deeply and looked up at me, "What?"
"The pizza?" I pointed to the box and smiled, "You're supposed to eat it. Not glare at it."
Bella rolled her eyes and reached for a bottle of Bourbon that was sitting nearby.
"Bourbon girl." I whispered to myself.
"Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?" Bella asked, sitting up on the kitchen unit. She was buzzed.
"Happy birthday." I chuckled, filling up a cup with Diet Coke.
She raised a brow, "You're not drinking?"
I shook my head, "Nah. Not in the mood." I admitted, taking a sip.
Bella snorted and took a swig off her Bourbon, "Boring."
Where did this attitude come from?
Emmett bounced into the kitchen then, enveloping Bella in a bear hug, "Happy birthday, Swan girl!"
Bella laughed and pushed him away, "Thanks."
Emmett grinned widely, "I've brought Tequila."
Bella scrunched her nose up, "I'm a-"
"Bourbon girl." I finished, motioning toward the bottle in her hands.
"Shoulda known." He huffed, grabbing himself a cup, "Well, there's Bourbon too." He kissed the top of Bella's head, "Enjoy your party." He said before wandering off to join the dancing.
I raised a brow, smirking while I watched Bella drink and drink and drink.
She jumped down off the unit and stumbled. I was quick to catch her, "You good?" I whispered. She nodded and pushed me away, "I'm good."
She's good.
She grabbed a balloon from the kitchen table and grinned, "Happy birthday to me." She giggled, stumbling her way back to the party.
A few senior guys grabbed Bella by the waist, lifting her in the air as they sang happy birthday to her.
I clenched my fists. This was getting out of hand.
Bella's enjoying it.
Screw that. The way they're touching her was making my skin crawl.
I watched as Bella danced with them, their bodies far too close for my liking.
Are you jealous?
Yes, okay? I was fucking jealous. I shouldn't be, but I was.
Bella finished her bottle and delicately placed it on a nearby table, "Why so glum, Cullen?" She mumbled, searching for another bottle of Bourbon.
"No reason." I replied, taking a bottle from the bag Emmett and I brought. I handed it to her and smirked, "Looking for this?"
Her eyes widened as she took the bottle from me. She unscrewed the top and took a long gulp before her eyes settled back to mine, "Is this my birthday present?" She asked sarcastically.
I chuckled and shook my head, "No."
"Good." She nodded in approval and continued to drink. Fucking hell. She drank like a fish. It was true. What happened to the sweet Bella from summer? Did I do this to her?
Bella raised a brow, "What?"
"What, what?"
"You're staring at me." She swayed back and forth.
"I was thinking."
"About what?" She moved closer to me so she could hear me over the music.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. She smelled divine. Strawberries. "About nothing." I lied.
Bella looked up at me, her eyes searching mine, "Okay." She whispered.
"Okay." I whispered in return. Being this close to her was surreal. Our eyes stayed locked on each other's as we stood, silent. Just staring.
Alice ran into the kitchen then, and I stepped away from Bella, keeping a safe distance between us. Bella shot me a confused, pained look before turning her attention to Alice.
"Bella! You need to dance with me!" Alice sang, grabbing Bella's hands and pulling her toward the music. Bella smiled in return and disappeared with her, leaving me feeling like an idiot.

I stood outside, smoking and watching the Sophomores, Alice had invited, dance to some Hollywood Undead song. It was comical.
"Hey you."
My whole body tensed when I heard her voice and I swear my balls jumped up inside my body. What was she doing here? Who invited her?
"Jane." I slowly turned around to see her, standing hands on hips and a smug smile on her face, "What are you doing here?"
"It's Swan's birthday, dumbass. Alice invited me." She answered.
"If you're here just to cause trouble, Jane, I swear-"
"Relax." She sighed, cutting me off, "I'm here to drink and get laid. I'm not gonna start shit with your precious Bella."
I sighed deeply, "She's not mine."
Jane raised a brow, "You sure about that?" She asked, before turning on her heel and walking over to her group of sluts.
Yeah, Cullen. Are you sure about that?
Yes I was sure. She wasn't mine. She wasn't mine for a long time. I fucked it.
Time to unfuck it.
Okay. If I was gonna do this, I needed liquid confidence.
I went back inside, scanning for Bella.
"She went upstairs." Jasper shouted to me over the music.
I raised a brow, silently questioning him. He smirked in return, raising his cup at me.
Rosalie and Emmett were making out on the couch and Alice was skipping around high as a kite. I stepped over a few of the lightweight's unconscious bodies and into the kitchen.
Jack Daniels and Coke will do nicely.
I gulped it down and cracked my neck before climbing the stairs. There was a line for the bathroom, Sophomores grinding against Seniors in the hallway and white powder on the floor. I cocked a brow and smirked. It didn't take a genius to figure out what that was.
I opened one of the bedroom doors and peered inside, no Bella. I moved onto the next one and was met with a shriek of horror and someone falling to the floor.
No, not someone. Rosalie.
"Jesus fucking Christ!" I hissed, covering my eyes, "Emmett!"
"Bro, get the fuck out of here!" Emmett growled.
"I'm going!" I slammed the door shut and shuddered. I was definitely going to have nightmares about what I just witnessed. Didn't I just see them on the couch? Damn, they move fast.
I made my way down the hallway and knocked on the last closed door. God knows, I didn't want to walk in on someone else doing the deed.
"What?"
I smirked and opened the door, "Hey."
"What do you want?" Bella slurred. She was drunk. Really drunk.
"I just walked in on Emmett and Rosalie." I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
Bella covered her mouth with her hand as she gaped, "No." She gasped.
"Yes." I nodded and sat down on one of the chairs by the window, "You enjoying your birthday?" I mused, watching her.
She leaned against the wall and smiled lazily, "I'm high and drunk, of cour-course."
"Get your weed from Jake?" I asked, raising a brow.
She frowned, "Who?"
I rolled my eyes and stood up, "C'mon Bella. Don't lie to me."
"What's it to you anyway, Cullen?" She spat, straightening herself up, "I can do what I want." She crossed her arms over her chest and nodded matter-of-factly.
"You can. But with Jacob Black of all people? Come on, Bella."
Bella narrowed her eyes, "You don't, you don't get to tell me who I can or can't hang out with."
"I'm not. I'm telling you who you can and can't fuck." My words came out harsher than intended and Bella flew towards me, punching me in the chest.
"Fuck you, Edward!" She growled.
I grabbed her wrists, pushing her away from me, "Listen to me, Bella!"
She pulled her wrists free and turned away from me, sitting herself down on the bed, "Why are you doing this?" She whispered, "It's none of your concern who I sleep with. It's none of your-of your concern what I do. I'm nothing to you. How did you know anyway?"
I wanted to rip my hair out in frustration. Why couldn't she just listen to me? Why couldn't she accept that I cared for her? There was no way in hell I was going to answer her question. She didn't need to know I camped outside her house in my car almost every night. She'd slap a restraining order on my ass.
"I know I fucked this up, Bella." I whispered, leaning against the wall, facing her, "I know I fucked it majorly."
Bella sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "I need another drink." She mumbled, standing up. She swayed as she stood and ended up back on her ass on the bed.
I chuckled as I watched her. She was adorable.
"This isn't funny." She spat as she stood again.
"I know." I whispered, "But-"
"But what?" She hissed, moving closer to me. She glared up at me, "But what?" She repeated.
"I just don't want you to get involved with Jake."
She sighed deeply and hid her face in her hands, "It's none of your business."
I gently tugged at her wrists so I could see her face. Her hands dropped to her sides as she stared up at me.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, "For everything I've done to you since you've got here. I didn't treat you the way I should have." I brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled softly, "I know you don't believe me-"
Her kiss silenced me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body against mine.
No. She's drunk.
I couldn't help but kiss her back. I had been waiting for this for too long. Drunk or not, I didn't care.
You will when you take advantage of her.
I pushed my thoughts to the back of my mind and hugged her closer. She tasted like cigarettes, Bourbon and bubble gum.
Her hands trailed down my chest as she began unbuttoning my shirt.
Stop this, Cullen.
I couldn't. I let her drop my shirt to the floor and feel her way along my chest. I shivered against her touch and moved my kisses to her neck. Her fingers threaded into my hair as I guided her to the bed. She squirmed underneath me and moaned quietly as her mouth found mine again. She kissed me, hard. Our tongues dancing against each other.
I wanted this. I needed this. I fucking missed this.
She dragged her nails down my chest, causing me to hiss through my teeth. Fuck me.
Stop this, Cullen.
If she didn't want this, then she wouldn't have kissed me. If she didn't feel the same way I do, she wouldn't have kissed me. Plain and simple.
My gut was telling me to stop, that it wasn't real on her part. But my head was telling me to savour it, bask in her drunken lust. I pulled her tank top off and smiled against her over heated skin. She was so soft.
She froze underneath me, and pulled away. "Stop." She whispered, pushing against my chest.
I leaned back and stared at her, confused. "What's wrong?"
She sat up and shook her head, patting the bed for her top.
"Bella?" I grabbed her wrist, "Seriously, what's wrong?"
She pulled her wrist back and put her top back on, mumbled something about a mistake and stumbled her way out of the room.
You should've stopped it before it started.
I exhaled loudly, flopping back down on the bed. Did that seriously just happen? I grabbed my shirt and throw it back on, buttoning it quickly and followed her down the stairs.

I stepped over more unconscious bodies and sighed deeply when I spotted her with Jane.
Façade, Cullen.
"Your phone is ringing, Swan." Jane mumbled, swirling her drink around her cup.
Bella sighed deeply when she spotted me and reached for her phone.
I peered over her shoulder and frowned, "Why the fuck is my dad calling you?"
Bella ignored me and answered the call, "Hello?"
Jane rolled her eyes and left the kitchen, leaving me and Bella alone.
"What?" She whispered. All the blood drained from her face as her phone fell through her fingers, landing on the kitchen tiles.
"What's wrong?" I asked, watching her carefully.
She stared blankly ahead, not seeing anything, "My…my dad. Something's wrong. I have to...I have to..."
I lifted her chin and turned her head so I could see her, "What about him?"
She blinked a few times and pushed me away, "Fuck off, Cullen." She hissed. She grabbed her jacket from one of the chairs at the kitchen table and pushed past me.
Jasper, who was sitting on the couch, still drinking, cocked a brow as he watched us.
I ran a hand through my hair and followed her outside, "Where are you going?" I shouted after her.
She didn't respond. She just kept walking.
"Bella!" I ran down Alice's driveway, trying to catch up with her.
"What's happening?" I heard someone ask. I turned back to see almost everyone standing outside watching.
"Seriously, Bella, stop!" I reached her then, turning her round to face me.
She narrowed her eyes, "I'm going to the hospital, okay?"
"Let me drive you." I offered, patting my pockets for my keys.
"I don't want anything from you." She responded coldly.
I tilted my head to the side, "Don't be like this."
We just made out for Christ's sake, and now she's acting like a cold bitch. And for what? Was she embarrassed?
"Leave me alone." She turned and began walking down the street toward the hospital.
I watched her retreating figure and silently cursed myself.
"What's going on?" Alice asked as she ran down to me.
I pulled my keys out from my pocket and shook my head, "Fuck this." I muttered, climbing into my car.
She was going to get in this car if it was the last thing she fucking did. She was too drunk to be wandering the streets alone.

I rolled down the window and leaned outside, "Get in the car, Bella." I sighed.
She continued walking, ignoring me completely.
"Bella, get in the fucking car!" I hissed, slamming on the breaks.
She turned toward the car, "No. I'd rather walk!"
"Oh fuck this." I killed the engine and got out, marching over to her.
"What the fuck are you doing?" She hissed.
I grabbed her by the waist, throwing her over my shoulder. "Put me down." She punched at my back, kicking her legs around like a child. I ignored her and placed her in the passenger seat, "Put on your seatbelt." I instructed, closing the door before going to the driver's side.
She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her tongue out at me, "There was no need for that."
"There was no need for a lot of things tonight." I chuckled, concentrating on the road.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked quietly.
"I'm guessing you didn't mean to kiss me." I stated, stealing a glance in her direction.
She leaned her head against the window and chewed on her lip, "I didn't mean to do a lot of things tonight."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, echoing her words.
"I'm guessing you didn't want to come tonight?"
I smirked, "Not really, no." I confessed. There was no point in lying to her.
She nodded and stared out of the window, "That's cool."
"So…why does my dad have your number?" I asked, pulling into the hospital parking lot.
Bella sighed and took off her seatbelt, "He's my dad's doctor."

I followed her into the hospital and to the second floor. I wanted her to know I was here for her. No matter what was happening with her dad. The elevator opened and we stepped out, looking for my dad.
Bella took a deep breath and made her way to the nurse's station, "Where's Dr Cullen?" She asked politely. It seemed her buzz from earlier had wore off. She was sobering up.
"Miss Swan?" Bella and I both turned to find my father standing behind us.
He eyed me curiously, "Edward?"
I placed my hand on the small of Bella's back and stared at my dad, waiting on an explanation.
He shook his head, "Go home, Edward."
"But I-"
"Now!" He snapped, his eyes fiery with rage.
I glanced at Bella. She gave me a small smile and nodded, telling me it was okay.
"Thanks for the ride." She whispered.
I smiled and backed away from her, "Anytime." I nodded at my dad and went back to the elevator.

It wasn't until the doors were closing that I heard Bella's heart-breaking sob and I saw her fall to the floor.