A/N: If anyone wants to write a Leni x Carol story for me I have three prompt requests. I'll do fan artarts for you in return.
Leni was dreaming of black when she finally fell asleep just an hour before she would have to wake up for school. As far as the eyes could was an eternity of just the color black completely surrounding her. It was soft and warm though there was no depth or volume perceivable in this dimension After a mere ten seconds Leni's vision cleared and she was back in the muggy garage, morning light filling the room.
"Leni hurry up, we gotta go!" Luna said from behind the entry door.
Leni looked at the clock beside her bed, her heart clenching when she saw that there were only two minutes left before the time they usually departed for school. Part of Leni thought about skipping today, but the other, more dominant half wanted to go to school just to see Carol before the party tonight.
Lucky for Leni she fell asleep in the tee-shirt and jeans she wore the previous day, so all she did was comb her hair for a few seconds and grab her book bag on the way out the door. She walked over to the van and got in the passenger seat. She didn't dare look at Lori for fear of the older criticising her with a maliced stare.
"Oh wait, I need my axe dudes!" Luna flew out of the van without closing the door and bolted back towards the house, leaving Leni alone with Lori.
The two hadn't been close for a while, but Leni still felt bad things were going they way the were in between them. She opened her mouth to try and some something- anything that would lead to a nice conversation between the two, but fell short of any ideas that wouldn't make the situation worse.
Leni shivered when a gust of icy air blew in through the open door. In her rush to get out to the van on time Leni denied any thoughts to getting a jacket, or a sweater for that matter. Her shirt was white with outlines of hearts on it, and terribly thin as it offered no protection from the cold February weather of the north.
Leni stared out the window on her side of the van, staring at the ground as she hugged herself to stay warm. A sudden impact of cloth to the face shocked Leni.
"Put it on, you're cold." Lori said. Leni lifted tho cloth that she found to be Lori's jacket. Leni tried to hand it back but Lori pushed it back. "Literally, you're shivering and beside, you have that bandage on your arm whole arm. People will ask questions."
Leni wondered if this was a trick; for three weeks Lori didn't say anything or look at Leni - Leni had a low opinion for Lori, she didn't want more justification for it.
"Why are you being nice to me now. Don't you like, hate me?" Leni whispered.
"Of course not." Lori chuckled. "I just wasn't sure Carol was a good match for you and all; considering why her and I broke our friendship off."
"Why's that huh, because you were mean to her?" Leni asked. She was starting to get impatient. Luna needed to hurry up.
"No, Leni I told you this in back when it happened." Lori sighed. "Carol had a crush on me, and when I didn't return the feelings, she tried to act better than me."
That hit Leni right in guts not because she thought it was just lie, but because as soon as her older sister brought it up it triggered a memory in Leni's brain of that day Lori came home fuming about Carol. When her subconscious brought it up the previous day it was sending her a message; like that did anything to help Leni's brittle mood.
"At first I thought Carol was using you to get back at me, but Carol called me last night, and said some things that convinced me she's alright for you." Lori said. Leni's head snapped up.
"What did she say?"
"That's between me and her. I still don't like her much but we used to be best friends so I'm happy you're both happy. Carol might not have gotten me but at least she got someone close enough." Lori said, oblivious to the fact her words were killing Leni's faith in herself.
'Oh god,' Leni thought, her anxiety growing to the point of hyperventilation. 'I'm just a replacement.'
"I think I'm going to be sick!" Leni put a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from throwing up, it wasn't working. She rushed out of the van and to the restroom in her garage and purged her stomach of It's contents - that is to say she vomited only naturally produced bile as Leni had not consumed any food for several days now.
"Are you alright Leni?" Lori said when she arrived on the scene. Leni furiously shook her head.
"I'm not feeling to well. I-I just need some time alone." Leni breathed, tightly gripping the side of the sink with shaky hands for support. "You and Luna are going to be late for school."
"You shouldn't be left alone."
"Like, it's fine Lori. It's just the flu or something." Leni said. Lori shook her head.
"We had our flu-shots. It's your anxiety isn't it?" Lori asked.
"What's anxiety?" Leni tried acting like the dumb-blond they thought she was but her sister wasn't having any of it. Lori put her hand on Leni's back.
"You know what I mean. I heard what Lola said to you yesterday so I scolded her, then a bit after Luna told me what Lynn told her about you. A few hours later I get a call from Carol that she was afraid you might hurt yourself because according to her you have major anxiety attacks. That bandage on your arm is from a self inflicted wound. You are not fine." Lori spoke softly. So Carol snitched and that's why Lori was pitying her.
"You ignored me for three weeks, let's keep it that way. There's nothing wrong." Leni got up and walked over by her bed.
"Yeah? Then what were the pills Luna found? Are addicted? What about why you're so skinny? Are you eating enough? I don't know who to believe. It's Carol, Luna and Lynn against you, but I've known you the longest and haven't noticed anything until now. You can tell me anything at anytime." Lori finished it off with a hug. Leni pushed Lori away after a moment.
"Do you want to hear the truth?" Leni said, knowing that her next words were going to hurt Lori. Lori nodded enthusiastically.
"I hate you."
…
Leni hated being an asshole even to Lori, but she sure did get Lori to leave her alone. While Luna and Lori went to school Leni spent seven hours attemlting to rationalize her relationship with Carol as genuine. Her 'girlfriend' spent so many hours convincing Leni what they had was real. And there was also the case of Carol's journal. The girl's rich parents claimed Carol was crushing on Leni for years, was that made up too? Whatever the case, Leni's head was in a whirl.
If only stupid Lori kept her mouth shut about her past with Carol then Leni would have not remembered and could spend her days happy. She couldn't stop thinking Carol had betrayed her too. Luna figured something out first, then Lynn, then Lori - Leni's act was falling to pieces.
At about the time school ended and Carol texted she was on her way over Leni had decided that no matter whether Carol wanted Leni or Lori, she meant too much - and plus years had passed since the destructive end of Lori and Carol's friendship, maybe the older girl got over Lori. This solution was good enough for Leni to calm her frayed nerves for now, the addition to her self hatred would be permanent, however. Tonight was going to be a good night for Carol and an anxiety-induced Leni would ruin it.
Leni pulled Carol's dress from the closet, and held it up. This was the finished version of the dress Leni messed up the previous day. It was just an inch shorter than it's previous version and colored a deep, vibrant purple. Leni admittedly tried the dress on and even though it was made to tightly fit Carol's form, it was loose on Leni even though Carol was already slim.
Leni gently laid the dress on her bed and changed her apparel from the shirt to a dark long sleeved shirt, keeping on the same pants. Leni paced around her room. In less than half an hour Carol would make an appearance and Leni was unsure whether or not she should confront the young woman about how she felt. Bringing up the part about Carol's old crush would probably make her angry and bringing up the fact she betrayed some secrets to Lori would cause Carol to turn the situation back on Leni. Her outcomes were becoming limited and none of the remaining choices were looking good.
She was being cornered.
Leni put her hands on her head and took a deep breath but the creeping anxiety didn't want to back down. Her fingers curled, digging into her scalp. Her episode from the previous day seemed to be leaking over to today.
'It will be alright, It will be alright.' Leni repeated those to herself as if the mantra could save her. She needed something, anything to take her mind away from these thoughts. Cutting wasn't an option anymore, and she only induced vomiting if she had eaten something. The only thing possible was to just wait it out and hope Carol arrived there quickly. She did not.
By time Carol got there three hours later it was five in the evening. Carol said her party was to start at six and end at nine or ten, dashing Leni's hopes they were going to be at Carol's at least two hours early so she could spend alone time with the girl.
"I thought you were going to be here earlier? You messaged me right after school…" Leni asked. Carol kicked off her shoes and began taking off her shirt and pants.
"Lori actually approached me and talked to me for the first time in a while. We're finally making up like you asked. I mean, we still hate each other but it's a start." Carol smiled as she put on the dress. Leni chuckled.
"That's funny because Lori told me you talked last night about my anxiety." Leni said pointedly. Carol let out a nervous breath.
"Well I was worried about you, you were acting weird yesterday and I thought you were going to do something bad." Carol said.
"Just don't betray me or lie again ok?" Leni requested.
"I'm sorry. How does this dress look?" Carol posed for Leni, and Leni found herself admiring the girl more than the tight dress.
"It's totes amazing. By the way, what did you and Lori talk about earlier?"
"You said you hated her. She wanted me to talk to you. I know you don't like her that much but did you really have to say you hate her?" Carol asked.
"She thinks because accepts us and she knows something about me that I'll like her." Leni said. "She's just a bully like everyone else."
"Hmmm. I don't like her but I don't think she's that bad." Carol said.
"Why are you defending her, isn't she your enemy?" Leni asked. Every time Carol said Lori's name Leni's discomfort grew.
"Leni you said you wanted us to make up. Now that me and Lori just talked for a few minutes you seem like you want me to hate her. You gotta decide what you really want." Carol walked to the mirror in bathroom to start applying makeup.
"Well, what do you want?" Leni asked. She was so close to just asking Carol if she still had feelings for Lori.
"What do you mean?"
"Like… I don't know. Are you happy being with me?" Leni asked.
"Of course I am. Even if you said you hated Lori, you are the sweetest girl I've ever known." Carol answered.
"But you don't want to come out because the kids at school. What if you liked Lori instead and were dating her, would you still be scared of them?" Leni studied Carol, catching her pause for a moment once she mentioned liking Lori.
"Yeah I would." Carol said.
"I don't think so. Lori's so confident and bold and smart and beautiful like you. Imagine it you were with her instead. In her strong, responsible arms. Instead of you taking care of me she could be taking care of you." Leni said with passion. She glanced at Carol to see the older girl glaring at her through the mirror. "Instead you got me, I'm pathetic and disgusting. How can you be happy with a-"
"Leni, and I'm saying this as your girlfriend, shut the fuck up. Sure Lori is those things but I'll never like Lori like that in the past present or future. I don't want somebody that can take care of me. I love you." Carol stated, but those last three words weren't as endearing as before - Leni's self loathing was blinding. Leni just nodded.
"What did Lori tell you that made you say you hate her?" Carol asked. She put a hand on Leni's shoulder.
"Nothing. It was something that made me feel bad but I'm better now. We're going to be late. People might try to arrive early." Leni said. Carol checked the time on her phone and her eyes widened.
"Shit, let's go." Carol pulled Leni out the door and to her car.
"There's not going to be any 'bad stuff' at your part is there?" Leni asked. Carol pondered for a moment.
"No." Carol said. The twitch of the older girl's lips told Leni she was going to be in for a long night.
...
Leni was absolutely right. Not long after they got to Carol's house several people showed up that Leni didn't even know - they were Carol's friends after all. An hour into the party Bryan showed up, and with him he brought his friends and alcoholic beverages. Leni expressed her discomfort with it to Carol, but her girlfriend convinced her it would be fine. 'Every teen does it, here.' she had said while handing Leni a drink.
Leni took a sip of the disgustingly bitter drink, yet felt compelled to continue trying it seeing as Carol seemed to enjoy her drink from a red cup. After another two gulps Leni excused herself to use the restroom and poured the drink down to sink.
There were too many people here, all too loud and rowdy for Leni's tastes. The music had been fine when it had been Carol's playlist playing, but the mistake was made of letting one guy choose a song, then the rest of the partiers had decided they wanted to play a song too. At one point Leni was caught up in the dancing crowd and made her way to the edge of the room. Some random dude who had too much to drink approached her and tried touch her, but Leni pushed him off and walked away. Leni was not having a good time at all.
She walked around the expansive house looking for Carol, just about ready to go home. Carol was found sitting on Bryan's lap at the dining table with some of her other close friends nearby. Leni really wished Carol had not drank so much. Her face was flushed and her perfect speech slurred or hesitated often. When Leni came near Carol's vicinity, her girlfriend cheered.
"Aye, Leni!" Carol cheered, and the rest of her friends cheered right along with her at various intervals. "What brings you here?"
"I like, need to talk to you in private." Leni requested. Carol's head lolled to the side as she chuckled.
"Hear that guys? She wants to 'talk' to me… in private." Carol laughed and the others followed right were various remarks biting at Leni, especially one that said 'She looks like a dyke, better not trust her'. The rest of Carol's friends at the table laughed.
"It's fine guys, she's cool. I will b… be right back. 'scuse me." Carol got up despite Bryan's objections and took Leni's hand and guided her to her room. Leni was glad at least the doors to Carol's room and her parents' room were locked, because these kids were starting to get heated. She wondered what Carol's parents would say if they were in town.
Once in Carol's room, Carol locked the door again and immediately kissed Leni sloppily.
"I've been wait… waiting all night for that'' Carol said. "You wanted to talk?"
"Well like, I thought we were going to do other stuff that was just us but it's already ten. The party was supposed to be over like, an hour ago." Leni stated.
"You're n-not enjoying my party are you?" Carol inquired.
"No." Leni admitted. "Your kinda drunk and so are a lot of the other people here. Some guy tried to grope me and stuff."
"Who was it. I'll… I'll kill him." Carol decided. She rolled up imaginary sleeves, ready to go and hurt someone - - and Leni had no doubt in her mind she would. Leni shook her head. "Fine… I-I won't, but I'm going to make you enjoy my party."
Carol hugged Leni and tumbled on the her comfy bed, smothering Leni in kisses along the way. Carol's body pressed Leni deep into the bed.
"Hold on Leni." Carol got up a pulled off her panties from under her dress and made quick work of stripping Leni of her pants. Once their bottoms were bare Carol was right back on top of her girlfriend.
"Carol." Leni said between kisses. "We shouldn't… do this… like… twenty other people… in the house."
"N-New game… fuck at inappropriate times and places." Carol aligned their hips and ground them together.
She pulled Leni's shirt up just over the breasts and put her mouth over one and a hand over the other. Leni bit her hand to keep from moaning to loud. Carol on the other hand was too out of her mind to think about staying quiet and was gradually getting louder, moaning against Leni's breast. Leni put a hand on the back of Carol's head and pressed the young woman's head harder against her breast in an attempt to silence her.
Leni moved her hand from her mouth to Carol's ass.
"Come on Carol harder, show me I'm not your replacement for Lori." Leni whispered . Carol lifted her head and snuggled it in between Leni's head as they rubbed against each other.
"A what now? I never liked Lori this much. I didn't have sex with her did I?" Carol asked. Once the night was over Carol was banned from drinking ever again, Leni would make sure of it. "I remember liking her. I liked her a lot."
"Shush, for once let me just be Leni, not Lori's shadow…" Leni said. Carol's words were hurtful, her drunkenness loosening her lips and letting the real truth out. Leni was slowly losing herself, the line between what was the truth and were lies was blurring, exacerbating Leni's psychosis. "It's fine if you love Lori. Just love me for one last time tonight. Please?"
Leni ended the sentence with a kiss. Somehow, knowing that she was Carol's second pick didn't cause Leni to fly off the handle and life to shatter to pieces. It was as if the enigma that was her life was being undone - the edges just slowly falling away to expose her dimly burning core; eventually that too would fade slowly as the rest of the world goes on living instead without soaring her a second glance. She would leave the world as she lived - unhelpful, unnoticed, unloved, as if she were a dream.
Leni felt heat pooling down in her waist. "Like, I think it's happening!"
"Me t-too Le-"
An unexpected pouding came at the door, causing Carol to fall off Leni and onto the floor. She stumbled to her feet, fixed dress, and grabbed Leni's hand.
"Keep yourself close,I'll only take a second ok?" Carol the hand between Leni's legs and walked over to the door. From Leni's position she could not been seen from the door. Carol cracked it open to find some random stranger standing there.
"I've been waiting forever, Get out I need to use the restroom!" The young man said gruffly. Even Carol who was under the influence knew how absurd this guy was being.
"This isn't a bathroom. It's a 'room' room… three doors down, on the left is the bathroom." Carol explained.
"Oh," The guy said. He sauntered back down the stairs, and in a completely different direction than the way Carol stated.
"Jesus Christ… Now what we're were we going to do?" Carol's speech was more nonsensical now than it was before. She spotted Leni rubbing her clitoris in small circles, and smiled like she wasn't the one who had told Leni to do so. "Oh, you naughty girl."
Carol put her face in between Leni's legs. Leni wrapped her legs around Carol and stroked the blond's hair. Leni purred under the sensation. She hated sex until she and Carol had fooled around a couple of times. The older girl showed her that not all sexual acts were as bad as being raped by one of your sister's good friends.
Leni was reaching climax again, and so was Carol with her own hand between her legs.
"Let's hurry Carol. People might start to get suspicious." Leni gasped.
"Don't worry babe. I just need one mome-"
Once more Carol was interrupted by a pounding on the door. She growled as she got off Leni and went to the door. She opened it to reveal the same guy as before.
"Is this the restroom?" He asked. Carol didn't know if her were trying to play a joke or what, but now she was getting annoyed.
"No, it's not. The bathroom is down the fucking hall. Don't come back here asshole." Carol sneered. The boy was taken aback by her harsh demeanor.
"I'm just trying to enjoy the party miss. Now where's the restroom?"
"I don't even know you. Seriously, who the fuck are you?" Carol asked incredulously.
"Who are you blondie?" The boy asked. Leni would've laughed if it weren't got the murderous look on Carol's face.
"Stay her Leni." Carol snarled she grabbed the young man by his shirt. "Come on dude, party's over."
Once they reached the bottom of the stairs Carol pushed him away.
"Get out of my house! Everybody, get the fuck out of my goddamn house." Carol shouted. She went over and ripped the power cord of the speakers out the wall. "Pick up your fucking trash on the way out!"
Leni came back downstairs with her pants on instead of waiting for Carol to return, much to the eighteen year-old's dismay.
Most of the crowd began walking out, picking up only a few pieces of trash along the way. One lanky figure separated from the group and approached Carol.
"Babe, what's got you upset?" Bryan asked. He tried to embrace his 'girlfriend' but Carol blocked his gesture.
"That asshole over there, who… who invited him?" Carol asked, pointing over to the boy sitting in stupor on the ground.
"It's James, he's a good friend of mine. If he's not being cool he can go."
"If you brought him here you can take him when you fucking leave. Everybody's leaving!" Carol said.
"Carol you're drunk, you shouldn't be left alone. I should stay with you shouldn't I?" Bryan pleaded. Leni might not have been sure of her relationship with Carol but she sure didn't want Bryan to have end up with Carol.
"Leni hasn't not... drunken. She's staying. If you think we're were going to have sex tonight y-ou were wrong." Carol hissed. She grabbed the James boy by the shirt, managing to hoist him up and pushed him into Bryan. "Get out."
Bryan supported his friend out the door, cursing the drunk boy under his breath for 'ruining his chances'.
"A-alright Leni. We can finish now." Carol said once the final teens staggered out. Leni put her hand on Carol's shoulders and sat her down.
"I think we should actually talk. I know you're kinda drunk right now and won't remember anything but…" Leni said.
"I'm not drunk, and I'll finish getting you off later." Carol whispered.
"Yeah, you are like, totes drunk. But that means you'll tell the truth, and makes me more comfortable opening up. Lori said you used to like her. When did you get over her, if ever?" Leni asked as Carol curled up in her arms.
"I did, but I got over her fast. She was… was like a short crushed. I liked you and her at the same times but um, I knew a lot about her so like, I thought I had a better chance with her." Carol rested her head in the nook of Leni's neck. "But in high school I still had a crush on you even though I was scared of rumors of about me. You were, um… nice to everyone. I thought you wouldn't be mean if I asked you out, but I think I was still nervous. I really do love Leni more."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Leni wondered aloud.
"Aren't you the person who gets constantly compared to Lori?" Carol inquired. Leni nodded. "I didn't want to tell Leni because then she would think she's my like… like a uh second Lori chance. I love Leni but she doesn't believe me."
Carol sniffled a little, causing Leni to tighten her hold on the older girl.
"It's not your fault. I hate myself so fucking much even if I am happy with you. Totes sorry for that bad word by the way. How can you like me when I'm so disgusting and repulsive." Leni asked. "Look at me!"
Leni lifted the hem of her long-sleeved shirt to reveal her protruding ribcage. "I like, can't eat without getting sick. I know it's not healthy but I can't help but keep making myself throw up. Lori always gets complimented how good she looks, what about me? I tried getting skinnier but it didn't work. Now I can't stop myself."
"That reminds that I'm hungry, I'm going to make you eat." Carol stated she shot up from Leni's arms. She pull the Loud up with her. "Hold on, let me get my panties on."
Leni felt better when Carol admitted genuinely loving her and not her sister. Leni felt better confiding in a drunk Carol knowing she wouldn't remember it in the morning. Leni especially felt better that Carol sent Bryan away and let her stay (that one was petty and she knew it). But something felt permanently different in Leni, not in a good way.
"Comes on now Len. We've have gotta go before it gets too late."
"Wait, what?" Leni asked as Carol pulled her outside. As soon as she saw Carol going towards her car Leni tried to pulled back. "I won't let you drive like this."
"I'm not driving sweetie." Carol opened the door to the driver side and sat Leni down. "You are."
Carol climbed into the backseat and laid down.
"Carol, I can't do this. What if we crash and die?"
"I thought you weren't scaredy pants of dying?" Carol teased.
"I don't want you to die. And like, I can stick around as long as you want to keep me around."
"Good. Cause I need you to take care of me. I trust in you Leni! Take me to food!"
Leni's hand were shaking on the steering wheel. She put the keys in the ignition and turned them, causing the car to hum to life.
"What if I hit a trash can or something?" Leni stammered.
"Dad is a billionaire or something. Pocket change." Carol answered.
It took a moment, but eventually Leni found the found the courage to put the car in drive and head down the driveway.
"Wooo, you're doing it Leni!" Carol cheered as she propped her head up to watch out the windshield. Leni was almost to the end when- "Wait, you're gonna hit that tree!"
Leni sharply turned, narrowly missing the tree, but just barely scraping the brick mailbox next to it, the grinding sound was clear. Her eyes widened and she looked at Carol, whose eyes were equally wide. Leni pulled out her phone and started texting something. A couple of seconds afterwards Carol's phone dinged.
'Carol, when you wake up in the morning and don't know why your car as a large scratch on it, know you let me drive and I hit the mailbox.'
"I'm not drunk. P-probably will remember. Keep driving, you won't do it again." Carol mumbled, no hints of agitation in her voice. Leni hoped she was right, because now she was driving on the actual road.
They rode in silence while Leni tried to remember where the nearest Burpin' Burger was. Carol was recumbent in the backseat, her arm over her eyes. Leni was nervous about driving on the road with other cars but since it was do late at night other drivers were seldom.
"Why do you hate Lori more than I do?" Carol asked out of the blue. Leni drummed her fingers on the wheel, paying close attention to the road while she tried to think of an answer.
"She was like my best friend when we were in elementary and middle school, I never really had many other friends. We kinda grew apart over over the years once she got in high school. She had her friends and I had myself. Then everyone wanted me to be the next Lori." Leni said. She looked back at Carol, who was looking off into space. "It was 'Lori has such good grades' or 'Lori looks so good, you should try her style'. I started to hate myself, and so did everyone else. By time I started high school I was the laughingstock of the school."
"Why didn't you ever tell anyone?" Carol inquired.
"At first I thought it made them feel good about themselves. I took it at my own expense. I wanted to tell my family but we were already growing apart, and the threat of being sent to the asylum. I just hid it to not being them down. Lori kinda knew something was going on but… she would comfort me but in tenth grade she started telling me to get over it. Then I just cried and cut myself when no one noticed." Leni felt her eyes tearing up. She blinked several times as she rounded a corner. She could see a bright sign farther down the road advertising Burpin' Burger.
"I was alone. Then one day Lori convinced me to do something. Something totes horrible happened because of it. I didn't blame Lori one bit, but I tried to talk to her about it and she totally ignored me, then I thought it was my fault. A few weeks later I tried to kill myself. I called Lori three times when I was on that bridge hoping she'd talk me down, remember the bond we used to have, but the first two time she ignored the call. The third time she only answered long enough the scold me for interrupting her call with Bobby. That's how I knew killing myself was the right answer. If she just took the time talk to me then I could've been saved. Then you found me."
Leni stopped talking until she managed to pull in the Burpin' Burger drive-through. "It feels so good to tell you all this."
'Welcome to Burpin' Burger how may I help you?'
"Uh, just a minute please?"
'Not a problem.'
Leni turned around in her seat towards Carol.
"What do you want Carebear?"
"Uhhh… just a the thing with bacon and the mushrooms. And a coke to drink."
"Alright." She turned back to the intercom. "Can I get the Burpin' Bacon Burger. With fries and a coke please." Leni ordered. "And can I get like, a salad too? That's all."
'That will be ten-eighty. Your order will be ready in a moment. Pay at the second window and we'll get your food right to you.'
Leni pulled up to the second window and waited for whoever was supposed to take their payment. She pulled a twenty out of her back pocket. When the window opened, Leni wished she had picked somewhere else to grab a bite.
"Leni, you got your licence? Who's car is that." Bobby asked.
"No. Carol's. Don't tell Lori?" Leni asked.
"I thought she knew you were with Carol. By the way, where is she?" Bobby asked.
"Kinda wasted in the back." Leni stuck a thumb over her shoulder and Carol leaned forward.
"I'm not d-drunk. I'm acting… I'm like a girl Tom Cruise or something." Carol interjected. Leni put her hand on Carol's chest and pushed her back down.
"Just give the the money. I promise not to tell Lori about this." Bobby decided. Leni handed him the money, and a minute later he handed them their purchase. Leni sat it in the passenger seat, willing to wait until Carol finally passed out to skip on eating - even if it was just a salad.
Leni carefully drove back on the road, this time to her house. It was closer, and even if her parents took Lori's side they'd still be pissed if Leni stayed out too late on a school night (even if as she drove the clock was quickly approaching midnight). Carol reached into the bag to grab her meal and began munching away at it.
"Do you think you'll uh, ever be hap..ppy again Leni? That I'm helping?"
"I know you're helping Carol but I'll think I'll never be cured. Only in short bursts." Leni answered. Her eyelids were threatening to close from sleep deprivation, but Leni willed the feeling away.
"Why's that?"
"I was just thinking. It's just like the side from that book you like. No matter how much the priest guy tried to help him, he never really got better. I like, determine my mood in terms of black, white, and the greys in between. Black was suicidal depression, white was happiness. Grey is obvious. When we were talking on your couch earlier, I realized the white's gone. There's only a shade or two of light grey, the rest is like dark grey and black." Leni said.
"What are you now?"
"A bit less than middle grey. I feel like I won't get any better than this. I'm stuck, and I'll only get worse. It's scary when it gets dark, but when you get to the black it's like, a moment of clarity. Like you're back in the white just a short moment before you end it all. It feels good. Totes euphoric." Leni explained. Saying it out loud made Leni believe she truly belonged in Total Woods Asylum.
Carol's munching sound stopped for a moment. "Leni do you think you'll try and kill yourself again?"
"I honestly think like, it's a matter of when, not if. Everyone betrays me eventually. I really really like you Carol - I have dreams about marrying you, but I have a long history of people betraying me and eventually you will too. That's why I'm telling you this while you're drunk. You'll forget all this and how broken I am, and hopefully it'll keep you with me longer. But I know you'll find better than me. When that time comes you'll leave, I'll be forgotten by everyone by then, and I'll leave forever. The only hope I'll have is that at least one person will be at my funeral but I think that's too hopeful." Leni's voice cracked as she answered, wiping away the tears forming. Carol's stopped eating.
"Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick..." Carol yelped. She doubled over with her back against the car door, putting one hand around her stomach and the other over her mouth, drawing her legs in close. Leni stopped the car in the middle road; they were on an empty Franklin avenue, close to her house.
"Is it the alcohol?" Leni asked. Carol shook her head as a couple of tears fell.
"No. Just keep driving." Carol said. She took a deep sniff to keep her nose from running, and several deep breaths to reel herself in. "We're going to get right no. On I mean right on fixed on up, god I can't talk. You should dye your hair, get extra piercings. Work for something exciting. You need a change of pace."
"Dye my hair? I thought about. Like… I'll surprise you when I do it." Leni said. She silenced herself for moment while she pulled into the driveway, extra careful not to scratch Carol's car against Vanzilla. "You're going to be hungover so you won't even remember that, it will be totes surprising then. I'll tell you it was my own original idea."
Carol tried her best to laugh but fell short. They got out the car and stumbled into Leni's room. Carol suggested they shower, and Leni obliged. The shower in Leni's room was hardly big enough for Leni alone so with both of them in there it was a right squeeze.
Carol held Leni's naked, beautiful from behind. She ran her hand down along the young girl's undernourished ribcage, reminding Carol she had yet to tell Leni that she ate her salad in the car instead of the burger (Carol never planned to eat such a burger, but got it so she could force feed it to Leni).
Carol moved her hands further south, running over Leni's scarred thighs.
"You're so beautiful Leni…" Carol whispered in her ear. She brought her hand up along Leni's inner thigh, and further up to Leni's folds. She pressed her fingers in, rubbing Leni's insides gracefully. She needed Leni to know she was loved unconditionally. "I said I'd finish this. I need you to know there is no one other than you for me…"
Leni leaned forward against the wall as Carol pressed into her from behind, furiously working her fingers for Leni's pleasure.
"Never leave me…" Carol sucked on Leni's neck, leaving marks trailing up. Leni gently rocked against Carol's hand, tightening her walls against it. Carol slowed down as Leni came on her hand. Carol put herself deep within Leni's waist several more time. When Leni's legs staggered Carol pressed closer, supporting Leni between her body and the wall. "Promise me Leni…"
Carol rammed her fingers in Leni again, eliciting another intense orgasm. "Say it. Say you really love me like I love you."
Carol had apparently found Leni's sweet spot, for when she grazed it Leni's entired body shuddered.
"I promise I totes love you Carol. I love you more than a... really good smoothie."
Carol smiled at Leni's quirky comparison and applied an intense pressure on the younger girl, forcing a loud moan to pierce the midnight air. Leni's legs gave out from under her entirely, and she would've fell if Carol wasn't so strong (or if Leni wasn't so light-weight).
"If anything you're too precious for me Leni. I'm just like how those other kids are to you, but to other people." Carol whispered, turning off the water. "What if someone I was mean to in the past killed themselves? Would you hate me?"
"No," Leni breathed heavily. Carol grabbed their towels and they dried off, Leni still leaning against the wall. "You really are a good, soft-hearted carebear. I don't hate anyone but me really. Not even the kids at school. Not even Lori. And never you, even if you like, beat me up or released that nude photo you took. Even if you forget everything else tonight, promise me that you won't forget how much you mean to me."
"I promise you I won't… forget anything. But you better never doubt my love again. Let's get to bed. School tomorrow, or would that be today? Whatever it is." Carol said.
"You can't go to school with a hangover Carol. That means we get to stay in bed and cuddle all day."
"You've gotten too comfortable skipping school Leni, but you know what? I think rebuilding yourself is the real key to getting better. Try new things. We'll skip tomorrow but think about completely changing your lifestyle." Carol said, she strutted out of the shower, but a pained yelp from Leni stopped her. She looked back to see Leni with her hand between her thighs. "What's wrong?"
"It hurts to walk. I think you were too rough…" Leni winced. Carol chuckled, swiftly sweeping Leni off her feet and carried her bridal style.
"I'm sorry babe. You know, It's going to be amazing when your name becomes Leni Pingrey." Carol said, smirking at how flushed Leni became in an instant.
"I- You… uh… w-, " Leni sputtered, . "You're still drunk. You don't know what you are saying."
Carol laid Leni gently down on the bed and laid down next to her. Their naked bodies pressed close as they cuddled.
"I'll like, have some aspirin on standby for the morning. Goodnight Care." Leni murmured. Carol let out a long, tired sigh.
"Night babe."
There was no use in continually telling Leni she really wasn't drunk. She just filled her cup up with iced tea. At first Carol acted drunk as a joke, but when Leni started opening up to her Carol kept up the act. Carol was ashamed that Leni found out that once she had a crush on Lori too (she was young and reckless at that time in her life), but Carol felt guilty about not telling her beforehand. But it had led to Carol finding out so many things about Leni that weren't in the dairy.
She got Leni confident enough to drive. She learned why Leni hated herself and Lori. She learned that Leni strongly believed she was going to kill herself and that she believed Carol too would turn her back. When her girlfriend told her that Carol nearly got sick just thinking about Leni still wanting to kill herself.
Carol looked over in the dark and saw the formless shape of the Burpin' Burger bag. Leni hadn't even thought about eating the salad Carol had taken from her. Carol thought that could trick Leni to eat something with more calories, but now she knew Leni never planned on eating in the first place. There was no fixing Leni to the same girl Carol was crushing on in the eighth grade, but Carol could replicate it and fill in the patches with pieces of new Leni. So far Carol's endeavors had been unsuccessful, and Carol did not fail, ever. The new answer Carol thought of was giving Leni a change of pace and a new outlook. Only time would tell if it would work, but Carol felt like time was running out.
She fell into an uneasy sleep next to Leni. Leni's words of suicide would haunt Carol's dreams for weeks to come.