All I own is my imagination and hopefully enough skill to put words together in an entertaining way. Anything you recognize belongs to the BBC. (That would be the Doctor and the TARDIS.) Everything else is my own creation.
Thanks to those of you who've reviewed, and especially those who've put me into their favorites. Special shout-outs to Sarah and Emma, who always brighten my day. And thanks to those on the Doctor Who Concrit community on LJ, who helped me cheer up a bit. Yes, I'll be posting this series over there too. Yes, I know I should have had them read it first. Just doing things backwards!
Tracking Torchwood
Arc Three
by
Lariel Romeniel
Chapter 13 – Treasure Hunt
They ran through the TARDIS door and pushed it shut. They spent a few moments leaning against the door, staring at each other, panting for breath. Then Kit finally gasped out, "You never said the religion was voodoo!"
"Kit, I swear to you, the last time I was on Moyambe, they practiced traditional Haitian voodoo," he protested. "And traditional Haitian voodoo is nothing like that!"
She pushed herself off the door and walked up the ramp. "Oh, that's comforting! I was nearly a human sacrifice! And you!" She reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small, soft doll about six inches tall, with a scrap of brown pinstriped fabric and a lock of brown hair stitched onto it. She looked from the voodoo doll to the Doctor. "Nice likeness. They could have tortured you with this!"
"Nah," he said, taking the doll from her. "They'd already done their worst by tearing my suit and pulling out some of my hair. That still hurts, by the way," he continued, rubbing the injured area.
"Poor baby," she replied sarcastically, clearly still upset over the whole thing. The priestesses had taken her clothes and put her in a white dress that was very tight and very revealing. Then they'd strung her up on a post. The giant snake draped around her neck had apparently been the last straw, and it looked as though her deep well of sympathy was dry for the moment. "Suck it up."
That made him laugh. "And I thought I was rude! But Kit, they couldn't have tortured me with this thing. Voodoo dolls don't really do anything at all, unless you're weak-minded. Which I most definitely am not."
Kit gave him a slightly disgruntled look. "I may test that theory sometime," she said. Then her mouth quirked in a lopsided smile. "And dammit. We forgot the coffee."
The Doctor shook his head in amusement. "You need to get your priorities straight! We did get this." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a violet crystal. "I haven't seen a data crystal like this in a long, long time. Very clever of Romana to use these. Interesting how the Moyambans used it to try to invoke Papa Legba. The change in their religious practices may be connected to the arrival of this crystal." He started walking around the console. "Now, if my guess is correct…and my guesses usually are…this needs to go with the compression drive."
He reached the spot where the drive was connected. He studied the carved niches for a moment, and then inserted the crystal into one of them. It began to glow. He nodded in satisfaction. "Just as I thought. We'll give the TARDIS some time to sort it all, and we should have coordinates for our next stop. Easy. And while she's at it, she could synthesize some coffee for you."
Kit looked a bit uncomfortable, and not because of the dress. "Uh, she's been trying to do just that. Some things should never be synthesized. Not that I don't appreciate the effort!" she said, giving the console a friendly pat. "Let's just let her work on the next coordinates. I'm gonna go change. Think we can avoid the Temple of Doom next time around, Doctor Jones?"
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," he answered with a smile. She rolled her eyes.
"Guess you'll be lying to me a lot, then," she said as she headed off. "I'll see if there's a bullwhip in the wardrobe room."
They did manage to avoid other Temples of Doom. Not that there weren't other challenges along the way…
Lopsang, where a cylinder was embedded in an ice wall a thousand feet up. The Doctor found climbing boots, crampons and an ice axe in the TARDIS wardrobe, and Kit watched with her heart in her mouth as he climbed the wall and fixed a rope at his destination. He melted the ice with the sonic screwdriver, grabbed the cylinder and slid down the fixed rope, shouting like a kid on a roller coaster all the way down. His grin when he reached the ground was wiped away instantly by a loud crack above them. They looked up to where a fracture was spreading rapidly from the point where he'd melted the ice. They scrambled back to the TARDIS to get out of the path of a crashing serac…..
Hanauma, where the signal came from deep water. This time the cylinder had landed in the midst of a coral reef that served as home to a family of giant eels. Eels with very sharp teeth, a nasty disposition and an even nastier toxin secreted through their skin. They retrieved the cylinder and returned to the TARDIS, but Kit spent the next few hours being very, very sick…
Aguanga, where a gambler had acquired the cylinder and the crystal inside. The Doctor had to play a tough game of five-card stud for it, with Kit as his ante. The game won and the crystal secured, he mollified her by telling her there was no way he could have lost. Not with his poker face, his ability to count cards…and his knowledge of all that is and all that ever could be. Of course he'd cheated! Unless she really wanted to spend the rest of her days as a casino cocktail waitress….
Disney World, not the park in Florida, but a whole amusement planet. They hid the TARDIS in one of the many tunnels that ran under the park grounds and waited until closing, and then snuck quietly into the spot where the next crystal was waiting. Inside the treasure cave of The Pirates of the Caribbean, of course. As they returned to the TARDIS, Kit treated him to a few choruses of "A Pirate's Life For Me." Sung very off-key.
The drive's niches were now filled. Crystals of violet, amber, emerald, scarlet and blue winked in the light of the console room. "One crystal for each Time Lord chapter," the Doctor murmured.
"So now what?" Kit asked. He looked over at the TARDIS monitor.
"Well, the drive and the TARDIS are talking to each other again. It looks like our treasure hunt isn't quite over," he said, pushing a few buttons. "There's an awful lot of data flowing through here. It could take a whole day before we get our next coordinates."
"So does that mean we can do some of the rides?"
He looked up at her. She was practically bouncing in excitement. "Kit, you used to live right next to Disney World. Aren't you tired of all that?"
"That was Disney World. This is Disney WORLD!" she exclaimed. He looked at her eager face, and relented.
"Get some rest. I'll wake you when the park opens again. Just two things," he said, holding up two fingers. "One: no 'Small World.' And two: No singing with the pirates, hmm?"
"Deal!" she beamed, then trotted off to bed.
By the time they returned to the TARDIS late the next afternoon, he'd decided that while it had been fun overall, he should have insisted on more conditions. No spinning teacups, for starters. Especially not right after lunch.
No visits to the Mad Hatter's shop. He took off the piece of ridiculous piece of red-feathered green felt she'd insisted was perfect for him. Peter Pan, indeed. No respect for the dignity of a Time Lord.
Oh, perhaps the teacups had made his mood as sour as his stomach. After all, he'd dueled in pyjamas and worn a paper crown at Christmas once. So much for Time Lord dignity. But still..
Never, never again would he let anyone get him near the Enchanted Tiki Room. Ever. The song was still echoing through his head. And it didn't help that Kit was still singing it.
Off-key.
He winced as he approached the console monitor. "Kit, quiet, please." He looked at the readout and started shaking his head. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
She moved next to him and looked at the screen. "What's wrong? Did she get the next destination."
His shoulders slumped. "Yes, she did. Cardiff."
Again.
He was beginning to think a return to the Tiki Room wouldn't be so bad after all.
A/N: Okay! So I figured out what to do with the voodoo!
The number and colors of the crystals are based partly on information about Time Lord society in Wikipedia; five different chapters are named in that entry so I decided to stick with that number. Any other canon issues are covered by these simple rules: 1. There are no inconsistencies in science fiction. 2. If you find inconsistencies, see Rule 1.
And yes, the Enchanted Tiki Room song is one that wil NEVER get out of your head. Unless you drive it out. With a sledgehammer. :-)