Like a robot, she walks into her apartment. No emotion lightens her eyes, no thoughts to entertain her mind. She makes her way to the bathroom to take a shower, only to cross the mirror. It stops her in her tracks. She turns toward it, forgetting about her shower. She takes in her swollen cheek that begins to bruise. Her tear streaked face. Her puffy eyes that are rimmed with red. Worst of all, her hair. Her most prized possession about her physical appearance. Her self confidence to the outside world is ruined, "I hate you," She glares into her reflection, now knowing what it felt like to everyone she had ever called stupid, worthless or a waste of space, "I hate you so much," She takes a step closer, the glare only deepening as she feels more loathing than she had ever felt in her entire life, "You should just die!" With out a second thought, or self restraint, she slams her fist against the mirror, effectively braking it into hundreds of pieces, most falling into the sink, the rest falling to the floor around her feet. Some embedding themselves into her right hand.
Pulling her hand back, she looks at it with a blank expression, feeling nothing, thinking nothing as her blood drips gently to the floor, making the sound her eyes can not.
Finally, like a thick fog lifting, she blinks, realizing that her hand hurt, that what she is doing is stupid, What am I doing? Doing this isn't going to change anything. Who knew, She steps into the shower and turns it on, letting the freezing cold water wash over her, hopping to get some sense back into herself as it slowly heats up, I'd be a self loathing type to go off the deep end. After washing her body and getting the glass from her hand, she steps out, and gets ready for work. I'm already two hours late. Hopefully they'll understand. He told me I wouldn't loose my job, can I trust him? Can I trust any one? She bandages her hand and heads out the door quickly while adjusting her uniform.
Approaching Kim's office door, her heart races with fear. You're fired. You're fired! She could just hear it as she knocks on the door.
"Come in," Jade slowly opens the door and walks in, head down, hands clasped together.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, I promise it will never happen again," She bows her head deeper and closes her eyes tightly.
She hears the small roll away desk chair move back. You're fired. You're fired!
"Jade!" She feels hands come down gently on her shoulders, "Jade, how are you doing? Are you alright?" Kim asks desperately.
Jade is taken by surprise, this being the last greeting she had in mind. After the initial shock, she takes a deep breath and forces the biggest smile to her face, looking more like a grimace of pain than a smile, "I'm as good as I can be given the circumstances," She responds, being honest.
"Is there anything I can get you?" Kim asks taking her hands off Jade's shoulders, getting down to business.
"Yes, can I have a hat to hide this?" She points to her hair making Kim gasp in horror.
"Why on earth did you do that, dear?"
"I didn't."
"What?" Kim's face falls completely and turns slightly white in the face, "Then who did?" Fear laced in the question.
"I guess some man named Joker," She looses all emotion once again, forcing herself not to remember.
"THE Joker?" Kim takes two steps back away from Jade, fear creeping into her entire being.
"I guess," She shrugs her shoulders, not understanding what makes him THE joker.
"What else did he do?" Curiosity mixes in, making an odd feeling tingle through her body as her heart rate excolates.
Jade's heart on the other hand feels like it's going to stop as it drops to her feet, her face going pail as she puts a hand up to her neck, again feeling the icey chill of the scissors he held up to her, "I don't want to talk about it," She swallows loudly, trying her hardest to keep her mind in the present, "Can I just get my hat and do what I'm paid for?"
"Oh," Kim flusters slightly, "Sure, dear," She spins around and grabs her a black hat off a tall shelf, "Sorry," She puts the hat on Jade's head, "It must have been very traumatic for you," Kim puts a cool hand to Jade's swollen cheek lightly, "If you ever need to talk or just some one to cry on, don't be afraid to come to me," She smiles, trying to encourage Jade to do the same, only to be greeted with the same dead eyed look as before.
"Yah, thanks, I'll keep that in mind," With that being said, she turns and heads back down stairs, just wanting to get the day over with so she can go home and get some much needed sleep and food.
"Welcome back, Jade!" Jessica announces in her normal overly cheery way, a large smile lighting up the room.
"Hi, Jessica," She forces another grimace to her face slowly.
"Where in the world were you yesterday?"
"I don't want to talk about it," She says, quickly batting the question away harshly.
"Oh, that's alright,"Unfazed by the harshness of Jade's retort, "It's good to have you back," Jessica simply goes back to packaging.
The day drags on as if she were in quick sand, wearing led shoes. No matter what she did, she just couldn't get a handle on things as her mind is hiding in darkness, not wanting to come out for fear of feeling.
Each minute felt like eight hours, as if even time mocks her.
"Jade," Jessica's voice sounds softly through the darkness, "Jade!"
"Huh?" She looks to the left to see her face so close, "Sorry, what is it?"
"Jade, the oven's going off," Jessica points to the large, turning contraption as she see's Jade's face not change at all.
"Oh, thanks," She slowly walks to it, opens the door and picks up a pan, only to drop it immidatly, "Son of a..." She stops herself, knowing there are customers that can hear her outside the bakery.
"Jade! Are you alright?" Jessica comes rushing up to her, takes her hand and looks at the large bubble forming quickly on her whole hand, "Jade, you need to ware a mit if your going to pick up a tray that is six hundred degree's," She leads her over to the sink and turns cold water on and puts Jade's injury under the running water while she takes care of the cookies.
What the hell is wrong with me today? She puts her other hand up to her head fixing her hat slightly, Am I stupid? Who tires to pick up a hot tray from the oven? She takes a deep breath turning her hand to get another place on her hand that still hurt, Pull it together, Jade, you need this job. You can't afford to lose it. GET IT TOGETHER! She yells at herself internally, while her face stays blank.
"Jade, are you alright?" Jessica comes back, pulls her hand out from the stream of water, "I think you should go up to Kim, she has the first aid kit up there,"
"No, I'll be fine,"
"No, Jade, this is not negotiable,"
With having no other argument to defend herself, she pulls her hand away roughly and makes her way up stairs, cradling her hand.
After knocking on the door three times, "Come in," Jade opens the door, and like a disciplined child, walks in slowly with her head down, "Oh, hello, Jade. How are you holding up?" Not saying a word she holds her hand out to Kim who gasps, quickly gets up and grabs the burn kit, "Oh my goodness, what in the world happened?"
"I wasn't paying attention," She admits softly.
"Well, we are all guilty of that from now and then, and in your case, I can't exactly blame you at all," Softly Kim opens a packet and spreads Aloe gel on her hand, "This should help with pain," Kim softly smears the gel over her hand with a Q-tip, then turns it over lightly to make sure nothing is on the top, "Jade, I think you should take a few days off," Kim puts a hand on Jade's shoulder and looks into her once bright green eyes, "I can only imagine what you are going through, and I think you should be at home, not only recovering physically, but mentally as well. I can tell you're not you today, and I don't blame you." She walks around her desk and pulls Jade into a tight hug, "If you need to talk, you just let me know, and I will listen without judgment," Suddenly, Jade can't hold it in any longer and breaks down, sobs heaving through her body like that morning. Softy, Kim sooths her back, trying to comfort the fragile girl braking apart in her arms.
"I didn't mean to do it!" She sobs into Kim's shoulder, "I didn't want to do it!"
"Do what dear?"
"I.." She hiccups harshly, "I killed people,"
Kim is taken a back, not hearing the whole story from the man on the phone the other day, just telling her Jade had been through a very traumatic experience and that was why she wasn't here yesterday, "Tell me what happened," Jade tells her all that she remembered about the Joker experience as Kim's heart races at her bone chilling tale.
"Jade, you can take off as much time as you need. Think of this as a medical leave, so the company will pay you while you're away," Jade begins to sob harder,this time in a strange mixture of pain, greife and relief.
"Thank you,"