Title: Words Get In The Way
Author: Fatebegins (http:/ fatebegins .livejournal .com/)
Rating: NC-17 / M
Pairing: Puck/Kurt (Purt/Puckurt).
Summary: Kurt's insecurities lead to disastrous consequences.
Disclaimer: No Glee don't belong to me or to fatebegins, this history is not mine! But I have permission to post it here! (The original post: http:/ community .livejournal .com/puckurt/449823 .html)
Warning: Futurfic, MPREG, This is crazy AU. Like honestly, the only things that remain the same are that Kurt was a gleek.
Review? Please? *puppy eyes*
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"Ashley"
'What the fuck, NO, that's a chick's name" Noah sounded outraged. They were laying in bed, Kurt's head in Noah's lap, flipping through baby naming books. They weren't having much luck.
"It is Not! It's the name of a male character in Gone with the Wind. That's a critically acclaimed film!"
"Gone in sixty seconds? The one with Nicolas Cage?"
"Prick!" Kurt hit him with a pillow, " You're being mean on purpose."
"I'm pulling rank, no Ashley!"
"Rank?"
"I'm older than you, therefore wiser. Ashley is vetoed. Next!"
"Wiser?" Kurt scoffed, " You were watching SpongeBob Square Pants this morning!"
"Axel." Noah responded, ignoring Kurt's comment completely. If he wanted to watch SpongeBob to mellow him out in the morning, which by the way was high brow humor, it in no way reflected on his intelligence negatively.
"Axel? What is this, a German porn? No."
"You would know, you dirty boy." Noah teased, pinching Kurt's side
"Rhett?"
"I swear to God, get off of that Gone with the Wind shit because there is no way in hell I'm letting you name my baby some foofy name out of that boring ass movie."
"You suck." Kurt pouted
"I do and you love it." Noah jeered "I also swallow."
"Cameron?" Kurt briskly continued, choosing to ignore Noah's remark
"Don't like it."
"Alexander?"
"Isn't that the name of the dude from that Brad Pitt movie you jack off to? Oh fuck no."
"Actually , it was meant to honor the designer Alexander, not Alexander the Great." Noah gave him a blank look, staring pensively at the baby name book in his hand then back down at Kurt, " The fashion designer, Alexander McQueen?" Kurt supplied.
"Vetoed."
"You're an asshole."
Ever since they had found out at the five month scan that they were expecting a boy. Noah had gone overboard with excitement, buying more little football jerseys and mini bikes- Kurt didn't even have the heart to tell him that it would be years before the baby was even interested, let alone able, to ride all the toys Noah kept accumulating. Also his son in football jersey's… yeah right, not unless they came from the Burberry NFL collection which to his knowledge, did not exist.
Noah tweaked his nose, "Let's watch Gone in Sixty Seconds."
"Right, so I can watch you drool over that hot bitch Angelina , no thanks." Kurt shifted, turning his face towards Noah's stomach. "Baby Names, we figure them out tonight, you promised! We only have seven weeks until he gets here. What if we have no name by then? What are we gonna call him, Peanut!"
"Now there's a thought." Noah rubbed his chin, pretending to consider it. " Peanut Puckerman…has the alliteration thing going for it."
"No. Way!" Kurt wailed, then realized Noah was holding in laughter, "You're kidding?" He punched Noah's stomach, satisfied at the surprised whoosh of air he let out, "You fucking jerk, don't scare me like that!"
"Marcus?"
Kurt shook his head, shifting on the bed trying to get comfortable, "That means 'war'. I don't want our kid to grow up and be featured on America's Most Wanted or something because we cursed him with a violent name, and therefore unintentionally gave him a violent nature where he feels compelled to kill people and then have sex with their dead, rotting corpses in order to cope!"
"Wha?" Noah shook his head. If Kurt had been a bit of a drama queen before he was pregnant, he was now a full on raging lunatic. That mini speech right there, was why, after two and a half months, they had been unable to settle on name.
Kurt struggled to sit up, his equilibrium a bit off with his stomach the size of a basket ball now, "I wanna name him Noah" he whined, looking at Noah beseechingly, they had been through this before.
Noah sighed, " I want my kid to have their own identity Kurt, he needs his own name."
"Nobody even fucking calls you Noah!" Kurt wailed, "They call you Puck!" Then promptly burst into tears. That had been happening a lot lately. The first time Noah had panicked, unsure of what to do, now he just gathered Kurt against his arm, rubbing his back in soothing motions. Plenty of practice before the baby gets here. He mused silently.
Kurt fought his arms, slapping them away "Just put your stupid movie on the stupid tv and watch stupid Angelina Jolie!" Kurt cried, " I don't care! You don't care that my back aches and that I can't even sleep at night! You don't care about me , all you care about is stupid Nicolas Cage!"
"You know that's not true, " Noah murmured tiredly, " I love you and I'm sorry your uncomfortable." His hand moved to the small of Kurt's back, massaging lightly through the thin cotton of his sleep shirt. "That feel better?"
Kurt nodded reluctantly, feeling Noah's strong hands working out the knot of tension in his lower back, "I hate that I'm miserable to you. Don't leave me for Nicolas Cage. I'm sorry ." He whispered, replaying his many crazy speeches of the night back in his head, mortified, " I know that you care about me and the baby but…"
"Being pregnant sucks?" Noah interrupted
Kurt nodded, " I know it's supposed to be magical sunny unicorns and all that but everything hurts. Being pregnant stopped being fun like two months ago. Now I feel huge and exhausted. And silk looks terrible on me. And that's my favorite fabric!"
"Babe you gained eighteen pounds, you're not huge."
"Well when the eighteen pounds is all focused here," He put his hands on top of his stomach, " I feel like I'm gonna tip over."
"I like you with some meat on your bones."
"Perve."
"Nikolas"
"Yea , yea put on your movie but you have to be my pillow and let me lay on you. I can't find a comfortable position with the body pillow. It has to be you."
"No, as in the name Nikolas"
"You want to name our child after Nicolas Cage?" Kurt looked at him, incredulous, amusement warring with irritation, amusement won. " what are you his biggest fan boy?" His tone turned teasing as he sang, " ooohhh You think he's pretty, You want to kiss him! You want to date him!"
"No genius." Noah waved the baby book under Kurt's nose, " Nikolas came up in here. It means victory. More specifically people of victory…but I kinda like it, I want our son to be victorious in his life.
"Hm." Kurt responded and then rolled against Noah's side, turning to throw one leg over the taller man, his stomach coming to rest on the side of Noah's. The baby was up and kicking, hard. He yawned sleepily, closing his eyes.
"Just Hm? Is that a yes or a no?" Noah asked, his hand automatically moving to its favored position on top of their child. Noah could feel their son moving and struggled to control his insane happiness. The first time he had been able to feel their baby kick , they had been in a supermarket. Completely unprepared when Kurt had grabbed his hand to press it against his tummy, he had literally shouted, first shocked, and then elated when he felt the strong, sure kick. Shoppers had whipped their heads around , wanting to see what could possibly be so exciting, Kurt had been mortified to say the least when the assistant manager had ushered Puck out of the store not so discretely.
He liked the name Nikolas. He could see their son running around already. Kurt would definitely call him Nicky, that boy was looking for a way to gayify any name that came across his path. He said as much out loud but wasn't too surprised when he didn't get an answer.
Kurt was asleep.
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Noah looked over at Kurt, the younger man was staring out the car window, one hand resting on his bump. He looked like he had something on his mind. He had been quiet since they'd left their new doctor's office; subdued.
"Kurt?"
"Yea?" His head snapped up, turning to look at Noah as he navigated through the busy New York streets.
"What's the matter? You didn't like Dr. Cohen?"
Kurt shrugged. Honestly, there was nothing wrong with the new doctor. He just missed Dr. Ravi's teasing smile and Dr. Robert's strong, assuring presence. "He was fine."
"Nik beating up on you?"
Kurt shook his head, the baby had been asleep all morning, which wasn't unusual his most active hours were at night. " I'm fine Noah, really, I'm just thinking" And he was. For some reason he couldn't stop thinking about Milo lately. He couldn't shake the feeling that Milo wanted his baby, the words of the dark headed man replaying over and over in his mind. It had gotten so bad that he'd actually thought he'd seen the man several times, which was ridiculous since he was still in Lima.
He sighed once more, maybe it was just guilt? He'd never told Noah about his run in with Milo at the mall. Whenever he even mentioned Milo , Noah tensed up and Kurt really didn't have the energy to fight right now.
"You want to tell me what you've been thinking about that's got you like this?"
Kurt bit his lip, " You won't like it"
Noah smiled, squeezing his hand reassuringly, "Try me."
Kurt settled for a half truth instead, " It's probably just nerves but I can't shake this feeling that we're too happy. You know? Like everything's too perfect." He paused brushing his hand over his belly, " I'm scared that something will happen to Nicky..."
"Hey," Noah tugged his hand until he saw Kurt look up at him, when their eyes met he spoke, "Nothing bad is going to happen , to any of us, okay? Especially not to Nik." He brought their joined hands to his mouth, placing a kiss on Kurt's fingers, above his engagement ring, "I promise"
The atmosphere was tense and Noah sought to break the pressure, " So , you excited to get a vagina?" It worked and Kurt laughed, pinching his arm.
"Asshole, it's a birthing canal! And it'll only be there for about two days. Right before the baby's born, then it'll disappear within 24 hours of delivering, so don't get any creepy ideas"
"Yes, I know, I was there when the doctor was speaking but you must be thrilled."
"Why?" Kurt raised one eyebrow, regarding Noah suspiciously
"Hasn't it always been a lifelong dream of yours to have a pussy?"
"ASSHOLE." Kurt smacked him but was smiling now, his grin went mischievous, " That must be what Dr. Cohen meant."
"Meant? Why… did he say anything?"
"Nothing much," Kurt said coyly, " Just when you left the room he wanted to now what a beautiful guy like me was doing with you."
"I'll kill him! I knew he was looking at you a little too long, Is that why he wanted me to leave the room to sign the forms..?" Noah was turning red and Kurt giggled, it was too easy to get him riled , but the jig was up when Noah made an abrupt u-turn heading back to the office, " That fucker is going to eat my fist."
"Noah, noah!" Kurt was crying, he was laughing so hard, " Take it easy, I was just kidding."
"You were?"
Kurt nodded, wiping away tears, "You said I wanted a vagina! I had to get you back!"
"That was clever and funny…this, this was cruel"
Kurt just laughed , sitting back, "Whatever you say."
"Asshole."
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Milo watched the couple get into the black charger. It was the end of an era, he told himself, singing along to Kings of Leon as he focused in on Kurt. Sweet, gentle Kurt who had grown even bigger as the days went by, dressing his bump in stylish Marc Jacob shifts and Balenciaga tailored pants. It made Milo excited and sick at the same time. Kurt was saying something to Noah as they headed to the car, the bastard laughed, helping Kurt into his seat, kissing Kurt lingeringly until the smaller man pushed him off with a giggle, before closing the car door. Milo crumbled the cigarette between his fist, barely feeling the burn as the ash fell over his hands,
He wasn't quite sure how it had come to this but he had been watching them, watching Kurt for weeks. At first it had just been to see the other man. Milo had thought he'd be satisfied with watching from a distance but soon he wanted more. He had found himself creeping closer and closer until it had almost collapsed on him. The other day, Kurt had been in Bergdorf's, Milo had followed him there from Saks , when suddenly the smaller man had looked up . Blue eyes wide and frightened, scanning the crowd as if he had felt himself being watched. Milo had slipped quietly behind a rack of women's purses, watching from his hiding spot as Kurt dropped the sweaters he was holding and scampered away.
It wasn't like he was crazy or anything. Milo assured himself, no, he was a smart man ,an analytical man. That's why he was doing this. Didn't psychologists study their patients? Well, what he was doing was no different. You see, he had learned a few things from watching Kurt and Noah, and he'd drawn some truths. From the way that bastard always groped Kurt's protruding stomach it was obvious the only thing he was interested in was that fucking brat of his. If Milo could get the kid out of the way, then Noah would definitely leave Kurt. Milo would swoop in, like he had always been meant to, and pick up the pieces.
He was willing to forgive Kurt. Poor guy was blinded by his high school adolescent fantasies. Hadn't he told Milo about how much he had longed for the jock in those formative years? Yea, Kurt wasn't in love with that fucker or anything, he was just living out a fantasy. Milo had come to this conclusion as he had watched them throughout Christmas, that had been particularly difficult for him. Alone, in his car with a pair of binoculars while Burt, Noah and his Kurt had been in that house having the time of their lives, in front of the window too! It was almost as if they knew he was watching , wanted to taunt him.
Milo sobered. Kurt was pretty far gone, past seven months, it wouldn't be easy for him. He would suffer. But there would be other children, Milo resolved tamping down on the feeling of guilt that rose in him. He fingered the bottle of pills nervously. He had paid a lot of money for a specialist to replicate their appearance to that of men's pre natal vitamins.
He watched as the car finally pulled away, "I've been roaming around ,I was looking down at all I see" he sang softly, letting himself out of the car, walking the half a block to the house. Once there he let himself in quickly, it had been almost painfully easy to get into the house. Once Kurt had moved in, they had installed an alarm system. Milo chuckled, his little worry wart, he thought affectionately. He punched in the code effortlessly, Kurt really shouldn't have used the same one he had when they lived together and strode past the foyer and up the steps. All it would take to make it all go away, was right in his grasp. Milo paused, a door was open next to Puckerman's bedroom, on impulse he stepped inside.
The nursery. Done up in soft yellows and oranges, the carpet a thick, soft peach, it had a clean whimsical note that touched him. He ran a finger along the mahogany crib, spun the mobile idly listening to the soft lullaby, then turned to open the matching dresser . Inside he was confronted with stacks of neatly folded baby clothes, crisp little outfits hung neatly on padded hangers, sorted by color. A Burberry romper, Milo rubbed the fine fabric between his thumb and forefinger and smiled noticing the tiny shoes lined up on the shelf below. Kurt's touch was obvious, his presence strong in the room. Everything was set up meticulously, from the stack of newborn swaddlers on the shelf above the changing table to the carefully arranged teddy bears in the crib. "Nikolas" was painted in Kurt's beautiful, bold scrawl above the crib. Don't do this. Don't do this,He shouldn't do this, a part of Milo raged, it was obvious how much Kurt wanted this baby. Milo hesitated his eyes coming to rest above the window, a photo catching his eye. He picked it up, feeling anger rise to stifle his conscience, it was Puckerman and Kurt, the picture Milo had seen in Kurt's shoebox in New York. He gritted his teeth. There would be no more procrastinating. Sparing the room one last glance, there would be no baby coming, Milo headed into the master bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet he found the prescription he was looking for and with fingers that only shook slightly, replaced the remaining pills with his own.
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Kurt woke up suddenly, not knowing why. He blinked over at the digital clock, it was four thirty six am. He never woke up this early, Kurt was confused, coming up to rest on his elbows he looked down at Noah who of course was still asleep. He nudged him, "Noah?" another poke, " Noah?" but the other man didn't stir.
Kurt envied Noah, it'd been awhile since he'd had a full nights rest. Nicky seemed intent on making him suffer.
Climbing quietly out of the bed, Kurt tip toed across their bedroom to the door. His mouth was dry, he would go down to the kitchen and get water, maybe drink some warm milk to get him back to sleep.
All of a sudden Kurt realized two things, the first being the reason why he woke up. Pain rocked through his lower body, bringing him down to his knees in anguish before it diminished. He gripped the railing of the stairs, acute agony making his head spin even as Kurt fought to hang on. Losing his balance now meant falling down twenty three non carpeted steps. Breathing through his nose, trying not to panic Kurt thought back to the pain management classes he and Noah had begun attending. What had the instructor said, Always remain in control, stay grounded, don't panic. But it was too early! He was only seven and half months, it was too early. He doubled over in pain. Trying to call out for Noah but his voice was coming out in pants and rasps, he bit through his lip as the pain raged on, tasting blood. He felt like he was being split open.
The second thing Kurt realized was that something was horribly wrong. Feeling a sticky heat between his legs, he brought his hand down, trembling, to slip inside his briefs, it came away dark and wet, with blood. Oh God No. The first pain waned and Kurt slid to the ground in relief barely able to catch his breath before another stab jolted up his spine.
Gathering every last ounce of strength he screamed out, "Noah!" Gripping the rails tight and fighting the urge to push down, It was all happening too fast. His stomach tightened with a contraction. Too soon. Even worse he could feel Nicky moving in him, thrashing almost as if he was locked in a struggle. Kurt was terrified.
He heard awkward thumps as Noah shuffled his way sleepily through the bedroom. Kurt heard his name being called but couldn't answer, panting as he struggled not to push against the agony.
"Holy shit! Baby!" Noah flipped the light switch on, flooding the room, and illuminating Kurt trembling figure, crouched about halfway down the staircase. Had he fallen down the stairs? Noah swore, coming up beside him "What the hell happened? Are you okay…" His words dried up, seeing streaks of blood against Kurt's thighs, drops littering the step below him.
"Noah please…you promised… don't let my baby ..don't let him die…It's too early" Kurt eyes were wild with agony. His face pale, mouth a thin compressed white line. "you promised.."
The world came to a screeching halt before his eyes. "I'm going to call 911 okay? It's going to be okay. It's gonna be okay" Noah assured him then ran down the hall, tripping in his haste and slamming his hip painfully into the end table before he managed to pick up the phone with shaking hands and dialed.
"911 emergency?"
"My fiancé, he's -he's losing our baby." Noah closed his eyes, he had to be strong for Kurt, "Please, you've got to…just please help us."
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The ride in the ambulance passed in a blur for Noah. He had gripped Kurt's hand the entire time trying to calm him even as the paramedics did preliminary examinations. Kurt had cried the entire time, his skin clammy and cold, sweat beading on his brow. The paramedic kept repeating how important it was, how essential to both Nicky and Kurt's well being, that Kurt not push no matter how much the pressure built.
Upon arriving outside the hospital Kurt was immediately wheeled away, their clasped hands jerked free of one another as Kurt was taken into emergency surgery. Noah watched as if he were in a trance, hearing Kurt crying out for him yet unable to answer, restrained from following by the orderlies. Noah was told to wait outside. He was shaking, flecks of blood on his hands, Kurt's blood.
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