Chapter 13

The Voices Part 1

Merlin felt like he was floating. Floating on black waters and staring up at a black sky. He couldn't tell if this was real or a dream. Everywhere he looked there was the same darkness. He felt if pulled himself up on his feet he would find light again, but if he let the black waters swallow him up he would never see Camelot again.

The only thing was, he couldn't move. Merlin was paralysed, he couldn't escape the constant darkness, he couldn't pull himself back onto his feet so he could find his way home. It was like he had been turned to stone, and he was trapped.

Merlin wasn't sure how long he had been floating on these black waters, staring up at the black sky. He didn't know how much longer he would. Maybe he was stuck in this way forever, constantly floating between one world and the next, alone, unmoving. But Merlin hated the darkness already, he wanted to get away, he wanted to escape, he wanted to cry out for help, he wanted to get away from these waters and find a light in the sky, but he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. Only his eyes could move, and wherever they looked it was just darkness, not even any land, just black waters meeting the black sky.

Merlin could feel himself starting to panic, but he tried to keep himself calm. Panic would do him as little good as trying to struggle. He tried to take his mind back and remember what had happened that left him alone in this darkness with no way of escape.

His memories were a blur, everything was shrouded in a thick fog. But some things stood out to him. There were a few faces through the fog that he recognised, it took him a while to recognise them, but then he realised, it was Arthur and Morgana. They had been with him before he fell into this darkness. He could also see, quite clearly, a dagger, a dagger dripping with blood. He wasn't sure how the dagger linked into Arthur or Morgana, or why it stood out in his memory, but it confirmed in his mind what he feared: he was in trouble, serious trouble. He might never wake up and see Arthur or Morgana again.

These thoughts threatened to let panic overtake Merlin's mind again, he wanted to cry out for help, to anyone who might be out there who could hear him, he wanted to find a way out of this darkness. But he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. The only company he had was darkness. No one could help him, he couldn't escape.

"Merlin?"

Just as Merlin was about to be completely consumed by panic, he heard a voice.

Someone was out there in the darkness, someone could see him! Merlin wanted to cry out for help once more, but still he couldn't speak. Did the voice know he was in trouble?

"Merlin?" The voice said again, Merlin suddenly realised he recognised the voice. It was Gaius.

Suddenly reality hit Merlin, and it all made sense. He was lost on these black waters in his head, but somewhere out there in the living world he was back in his old chamber, and Gaius was there, talking to him, taking care of him. Only something was stopping Merlin returning to that world, he still couldn't see anything, he couldn't do anything, but now he couldhear voices.

"Merlin can you hear me?" Gaius' voice echoed through his head.

Yes, yes I can! Merlin wanted to cry out, relieved that he was no longer alone. But he couldn't. A snide part of him mind pointed out it was a pointless question to ask someone if they were unable to reply, he couldn't even nod his head. But he was so glad Gaius was with him.

He heard Gaius sigh, somewhere above him in the black sky. "You're in serious trouble Merlin. You had been attacked a few nights ago, stabbed by Morgause." The voice explained.

Of course, that made sense! Merlin remembered now, vaguely, but he knew he had been trying to protect Arthur from a dagger. But in doing so he had been hurt instead, and that was when he had fallen into this dark world and was left floating, alone.

"It was a deep wound," Gaius continued, "but I managed to get the dagger out of your stomach. I'm doing all I can, but there's little else there is to help you and there's been no improvement since I removed the dagger. It's down to you Merlin, all I want you to do is wake up, you're strong enough to fight through this, but you need to wake up."

Merlin could hear Gaius' voice crack as he spoke, and it broke his heart to think he had left Gaius in such a state. He wanted to wake up and tell him everything would be all right, he could fight, but the darkness refused to set him free. Was he strong enough for this?

He was relieved when Gaius spoke again. "You were lucky though Merlin. Morgana didn't know much about magical healing but she knew enough to stop the bleeding, if it wasn't for her it would have been too late by the time they brought me to you."

Yes, Merlin remembered more now, Morgana had been there too. He had been chasing her because she had killed the King, but then she had saved his life. But Gaius also sounded terribly worried, Merlin tried to put his mind back to times where similar knife injuries had been seen in Gaius' chamber, how many of them had walked out alive again? He couldn't remember, but perhaps he didn't want to.

"I feel you should know," Gaius added, "that Morgana's disappeared. She stopped the bleeding and then helped Arthur carry you into my chambers, but then she ran. I haven't seen her since, no one's seen her, I think she's left Camelot. Morgause has disappeared too, I didn't see her, but I was told she fled from the castle not long after you were stabbed. The Druid boy you told me about too, he's gone."

So they all abandoned me? Merlin thought sadly, though what really mattered to him was where Morgana could have gone. He understood why she had to leave, she had committed a serious crime, she had killed the King. Would she ever be able to step back into Camelot again? She had stayed long enough to save his life, but then she disappeared. Merlin couldn't blame her, but still...it filled him with sadness that she was now gone.

Gaius sighed suddenly, "I still don't know if you can hear me Merlin, but I want you to wake up, I need you to wake up. You're the closest thing I've ever had to a son, you broke my heart when you ran away with Morgana, and I don't want to lose you again. I remember what it was like, to be young and in love, so I don't blame you. It was when I saw her with you when you were carried into my chamber, that I realised how much she loved you. But I don't want to lose you again. I'm so proud of you and what you have achieved, despite whatever I may have said to make you think otherwise. But you can't leave us yet. A father is never supposed to outlive his son, because that's what you've become to me, and I don't want you to go. Please Merlin, stay with us."

Merlin wished he could open his eyes and see Gaius, he wished he could hug him and stop him from crying. He wished he could tell Gaius that he had become the father he never had a chance to have, and he was sorry for abandoning him when he left with Morgana. This time however, he had no intention of leaving, because he had never got round to thanking Gaius for everything he had done for him over the years.

However Merlin could not get away from the darkness or the black waters. He couldn't wake up, he felt like every muscle in his body was straining to try and wake him up, make him stand once more, but he couldn't move. He was still trapped, and even Gaius' voice was starting to fade away into darkness. He had no idea if Gaius was still there, and he didn't know how he was going to escape the darkness.

Silence took over once more, and suddenly, Merlin felt completely alone.

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