Aizawa

It felt like I spent most of my time pacing these days. I circled around and around the living room in Light's apartment while the others watched me, and my thumb was starting to hurt from biting at it so much. Between pacing and clue-hunting, we were losing the battle.

When Ide called to tell me he lost Matsuda, my first instinct was to say "fuck Matsuda, come back me up," but if I was just going to let Matsuda go off and get killed, I may as well have handed him over to the Reaper a long time ago and hoped it would satisfy him, and that had never been an option, so looking the other way while he wandered around by himself wasn't either. Looking out for our own was the crux of this case.

Besides, Matsuda could make it even harder for us to collect evidence.

So I had to put off the interview I was on my way to conduct, delay going home—again—and call everyone back to Light's apartment for yet another emergency meeting, but even there, I just wasn't sure what I should do in light of the new crisis.

I stopped pacing suddenly and looked at Ide, who was making a point to stare right at me, as if to say, "be mad at me if you want."

"He must have overheard us," I decided suddenly.

"I was careful, Shuichi," he argued, and that tone too told me that he wasn't planning to take any heat for this mistake.

Still, I was sure, mostly because of something Matsuda said to me yesterday when we were here alone together.

From the moment I'd walked through the door, tension had been thick in the air, no matter what I said, all I'd gotten in reply were inarticulate answers, so I'd sat at the desk, reviewing notes and trying to stay awake, while he lounged on the couch, playing with his phone and looking at magazines with the TV going. Even when the silence had gotten to be too much and I'd told him I understood his frustration but I was just trying to help him, he'd simply sunk deeper into the couch and ignored me.

Keeping him off the investigation made me angry also. After the talk Mogi and I had had just the night before, I didn't want to waste Matsuda's skills, but at least I could understand that protecting him was more important than any of that, and he didn't seem to get that everything I'd been through lately would be a complete waste of time if something happened to him.

The interrogation, for example, would have been three times easier to endure if Matsuda hadn't shot Light, and, without a doubt, the hardest part had been going home after twelve or more hours of questioning, only to toss and turn, unable to sleep, going over and over what I'd said in that room, worrying something had slipped out that might implicate him, knowing full-well that if that information fell into the wrong hands, he'd suffer the consequences.

Anyway, I wished Matsuda could at least try to see it my way.

Eventually, Okoshi had radioed in to report yet another failure in the case, and then, finally, in a somewhat loud, forcibly casual tone, Matsuda had asked, "Not getting too far on the case, huh?"

It had annoyed the hell out of me, but in a way, it was a game, and whoever snapped at the other first would lose. I'd refused to so much as look up from my paperwork, allowing, calmly, "Not very quickly at least."

"I've been thinking, Aizawa," he'd went on in that nonchalant voice. "I got a lot further on my own than you're getting with a whole team of investigators behind you."

"You were also in a car bombing, a fist fight, and a drive-by-shooting," I'd returned stonily.

"Oh, yeah, I know. I'm not asking you to let me help." Barely concealing his own agitation, he'd flashed me a fake smile. "I'm just saying, maybe you're doing this case all wrong."

"Yeah, what can I say? We can't all wander around like aimless idiots, breaking and entering and dropping our identification."

Matsuda had laughed, but with a sarcastic flavor to it I wasn't used to. "No. But you can't deny that people aren't taking cops too seriously right now. Maybe—"

"Don't even go there. It's a complicated case, and it's gonna take some time to put all the pieces together, but we are making progress, and leaving our badges at home and walking around like tourists from a fishing village won't speed up the process."

Finally, Matsuda had sat up, his mouth set in that way that let me know he was really thinking hard. "Yeah, maybe I just don't get it. But Aizawa, the longer this case takes, the more people will die."

It was just like Matsuda to blurt out what everyone else was thinking with no regard to propriety, and I knew the idea of innocent people dying bothered him more than anything else. Today, as far as I knew, a random citizen had killed two cops, and that must have been the last straw for him.

Taking his phone out of my pocket, I turned it over a couple times in my hand. Sentimental, maybe, but the stupid thing suddenly felt like an extension of himself he'd left behind on purpose, just so I'd have to walk into this room, see it sitting there, and know he was out of reach. Swiping my thumb across the screen revealed the picture he'd taken with Sayu the other day, and I stared at it a long time, unable to get over how broken they both looked, even past the smiles.

If something happens to you, I don't know how I'll be able to forgive myself.

I should have known he would do this. There had always been that unexpected streak of self-sacrifice in him, and I'd seen him do things that I might even call heroic, if they weren't just so damn stupid, things like offering his name to Mello as the new L so Soichiro didn't have to choose between his children or volunteering to make the eye deal with Ryuuk. I should have known he couldn't just sit here and hide out while the rest of us scrambled to solve the case, pushing ourselves to the breaking point. No. I had known. He'd been way too easygoing about the fact that we'd more or less arrested him, not bothering to argue with me directly, acting almost cheerful when the others were around. Now I realized he'd just been biding his time.

"I think finding him should be our top priority," Mogi said, drawing me out of my thoughts.

Slowly, I slipped his phone into my pocket again, feeling like it was the only piece of him I had left.

"Letting him wander around like Sherlock Holmes is out of the question," I agreed. "We'll have to break into teams. Some of us will work on the case while the others look for Matsuda, and we'll rotate."

As for me, I wasn't sure where I should be. I wanted to find Matsuda and bust him over the head for being so stupid, but I belonged on the investigation.

"Captain, I'm sorry," Yoko challenged suddenly, "but with a cop killer on the loose, I hardly think our priority should be to waste time looking for a rookie."

I had to try very, very hard not to lose my temper with her, and while I was catching my breath, Mogi looked sternly at her and said, "Corporal Matsuda's no rookie."

"He's no expert either," Ide agreed. "But he's not just some stupid kid. He is a capable officer."

"Use your head, Sergeant," I added, seething. "There's a cop killer on the loose, and I want to waste time finding an officer who's gone missing."

"All I mean is," she sniffed, "he's obviously annoyed you wouldn't let him investigate. Let him look around a while—he might find something."

Angrier than ever to hear her insinuate this was my fault, I snapped, "This murderer specifically wants to kill Matsuda. At the moment, we have no idea what he's doing or if he's okay—he'll be a missing person in a few hours. As much as I'd rather not waste manpower looking for some dumb rookie, it is our priority to find him before he gets himself killed, and if anyone has a problem with that, they don't have to help."

Yoko's normally serene face reddened slightly, and then she apologized under her breath. "But," she added, "if the three of you really think he's such a capable officer, you're really not giving him much credit, keeping him off the investigation completely."

Furtively, Ide and Mogi exchanged a glance, and then looked at me.

She went on, "You didn't want him on the streets—we all understand that—but you could have given him a job to do that didn't require being in harm's way, and then we wouldn't have to…exert any effort on finding him when we're already working around the clock to solve this case."

I frowned at her. "Are you telling me how to run this investigation, Sergeant?"

She paused. "No, Captain. I'm just suggesting that when we find Matsuda, maybe instead of locking him up and treating him like a liability, he'd be useful in some other capacity."

"That's my decision," I reminded her, sharply. "Not anyone else's."

"Of course, Captain," she agreed, quietly, and sat back in her chair, gaze cast to the floor.

In turn, I looked around at the rest of them. "Anybody else have a reason we shouldn't look for Matsuda?"

Shaking their heads, everyone muttered a no, and then I reassigned them to new duties and dismissed them, but on the way down to the cruiser, I couldn't shake what Yoko had said.

Right behind me, Ide laughed under his breath.

"What's so funny?" I glared back at him.

"Oh, it's just that you're normally the one who treats Matsuda like a dumb rookie anyway."

The words stung, and I thought of what Mogi had said. "It's one thing to give your little brother a hard time," I mumbled finally, "you don't let just anybody do it."

"Sure, but Matsuda isn't your brother."

"I'm just saying the same principles apply."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed, and the smile fell off his face, revealing genuine worry. "Strange, isn't it? I barely knew Matsuda before the Kira case started."

Those days were so fuzzy, they seemed hardly to be real, but I remembered Matsuda's reputation as a ditz, the rumors that he'd only graduated the academy because he had some special connection to Chief Yagami, and the sneers about his being destined for failure. I remembered seeing him around from time to time, though he'd spent a lot of those early years working graveyard shifts at the station, mostly filing paperwork and keeping fresh coffee in the pot for all the serious detectives. Distinctly, I recalled that, for all the trash talk and low expectations, he'd always been cheerful, and he'd always greeted me, when we did happen to pass one another, with a big smile.

"I didn't really either…" I murmured, thinking there were levels to him I'd never expected to stumble upon, and how far he had come, seemingly without my noticing, from the blithe rookie to the man who'd shot Kira. I couldn't help wondering if that was a sacrifice he'd regret making.

Ide and I stood beside the cruiser a moment, worrying about Matsuda, and he lit a cigarette. It was a strangely comfortable feeling being there together in the midst of a crisis, and after all this time, he was still my anchor.

"The Kira investigation wasn't his first case, was it?" he asked after taking a few drags.

"Matsuda? No. He had a couple before that." Again, I pictured the gangly kid who'd come up to us, wearing his badge on the wrong side, grinning like a dope, and I winced to think of him disappearing forever.

Nodding, Ide looked up into the evening sky. "What makes someone like Matsuda want to be a detective in the first place?"

A bit surprised, I turned to him. "I thought you knew."

Ide arched his brow. "Why would I know?"

It made me pause, hesitant to point out that I'd overheard Matsuda confide a lot of personal things in Ide over the years, probably because he was a little easier to talk to than me and would actually reply, unlike Mogi. Any time I'd mentioned how the two of them seemed to be buddies, though, Hideki had to be obnoxious about it, sometimes sneering, "don't tell me you're jealous," sometimes muttering, "he's an idiot, we're not friends," and sometimes simply grumbling, "mind your own business, Shuichi," depending on his mood.

Carefully, I admitted, "I just assumed he told you at some point."

"No, of course not." he snorted, but then added, softer, with a note of regret, "I never asked…"

Neither had I. Just a few years ago, I couldn't have cared less why Matsuda did anything just so long as he always obeyed, and now I'd give anything to know the answer. I'd give nearly anything to be able to call him up and chat with him all about his farfetched hopes and childish dreams, and I reached into my pocket to touch his phone, just to remind myself how impossible that had become.

Sighing, I looked up and down the street, half hoping I'd see some sign of him, that he'd come to his senses without doing anything too stupid. "I should give him more credit."

Ide shrugged. "It's not your job to give him credit—this isn't a family."

"No, but maybe Yoko and Mogi are right. I mismanaged him, and that's why he's doing this."

"Hey." He put a hand on my shoulder, giving me a grave look. "Matsuda sucks at deskwork. He wasn't going to be satisfied until he was out on the streets with the rest of us."

"If I'd known he was gonna do this, I would have kept him with you and me, and he'd be in the back of this cruiser right now."

"He's hard to predict," Ide said dismissively. "Lately it's worse than ever, so it's not your fault you couldn't guess what he was going to do. If we have to blame someone, it might as well be me—I was careless."

"No. He could have done this when any one of us was with him. It just happened to be you."

Unconvinced, Ide snorted, "I guess we'll know better next time."

Again, I thought back to the first time I'd met the kid.

He sat down next to me, still fixing his badge, grinning from ear to ear. "Isn't this exciting? We get to work with L!"

"Exciting," I'd huffed. "Right. Don't get too excited—people are dying."

The smile had dropped from his face. "Oh. Right… Sorry, it's just my first big… Well, I mean, I'm just proud to be a part of it. We're gonna catch this guy!" He'd given me a dopey thumbs up.

"Some of us are," Ide had sneered under his breath.

To be honest, I had expected Matsuda to leave the Kira investigation when other officers started bailing, but he hadn't. I'd been sure he would, though, when L made it clear he didn't trust the police. When we'd gone to meet L for the first time, I'd been surprised to see him with us, and I'd even wondered what his angle could be. I'd assumed he'd change his mind before long, but he'd hung in there, even when it meant he had to resign as an officer.

You always surprise me, Matsuda. I wonder if I'll ever start to figure you out.

Now I might not even get the chance.

Ide had told me what Matsuda said about how I never would have suspended the other two because they might be in danger. Even though Mogi had helped me to understand that Matsuda truly wanted to impress me, I hadn't realized he believed I thought that poorly of him, but it also showed me he must not completely understand my concerns. Aside from the fact that someone was out to get him right now, I hadn't forgotten how off he'd been lately, and when all was said and done, I was still worried about his emotional condition.

Whatever his motives were, whatever he thought he could achieve by playing vigilante, he obviously wasn't considering the danger he was in.

I could only hope he wasn't doing all of this to prove something to me.

When I find you, I'll explain it to you. I won't yell at you or anything. I just want you to know I don't think poorly of you.

I looked at Ide again, feeling a painful ripping inside me as I said, "We could be identifying him at the morgue in a few days…"

He returned the look with an even more somber expression. "You are a pessimist, aren't you?"

"It's just reality, Ide."

"Eh." He squinted up at the sky again, blowing a stream of smoke from his nose. "It's possible, of course, but I doubt it. Even if he can't crack the case, I think he at least knows how to stay alive, so, if anything, he'll wander around a day or two, realize he's being stupid, and come back with a dumb apology."

"I hope so," I muttered.

He opened the car door for me. "Matsuda's gonna be fine, Shuichi. We just have to find him. And, really, how hard can that be?"

Matsuda

During my stay at Light's apartment, I hadn't slept very well, constantly dreaming about Light, waking up and staring at the door, deliriously thinking he'd come in at any second, or else imagining he was already standing over me, but at least there I'd had the comfort of knowing one of the others was nearby. The motel felt cold and unsafe in comparison. Every time I heard a car outside or a noise in the room next door it woke me up. Sometimes I even got out of bed and snuck to the window to peek out, but I never saw anyone who looked particularly dangerous, and I always went and lay down again, telling myself I just needed to relax.

My nervous thoughts wouldn't let me, though, and I tossed and turned all night, worrying about my meeting the next day and rehearsing, over and over, what I should say to Atashi Rei.

Around seven am, I gave up on sleep, took a shower, and checked out of the motel.

Morning was bright, but I wasn't used to wearing sunglasses, so I kept lifting them to look around at my surroundings. So far, everything seemed peaceful, and with any luck my day would stay that way, but even so, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was heading into danger.

Rei and I weren't supposed to meet until noon, so I got some breakfast at the first restaurant I came across before heading toward the station. For all I knew being early could give me an edge.

Time passed slowly. I spent most of the morning wandering through Chiyoda, trying to look natural by window shopping or browsing through shops, but also avoiding places I thought I would be noticed. I felt like the whole city was out to get me.

When it got close to eleven, I headed to the station and stood a little ways away from the ticket gate, nervously watching the sparse crowd for anyone suspicious. Just at noon, my phone rang, and Rei's voice growled, "Where are you?"

We agreed to meet outside the gallery, and then I slipped my sunglasses over my eyes again. By this time, my friends shouldn't have any idea where to look for me, but that didn't mean they wouldn't comb through the station, and if I knew anything about Aizawa, he'd devote just as much time and energy to finding me as he would to solving the case.

My best hope was that by the time he caught up with me—because he would—I'd have something worthwhile to give him.

Staring intently at passersby, Rei stood exactly where he said he would be. He wore a tailored suit and carried an expensive-looking briefcase, but he kept mopping sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief.

I hung back to turn my phone off, checked for danger one last time, and then walked up to him.

Incredulously, he stared at me as I bent at my waist in a curt bow, and then returned the gesture, likely out of pure confusion.

"You're different than I imagined," he said, when we'd gotten through the pleasantries.

"Really?" I lifted my sunglasses to get a better look at his face, but he was just an average-looking, unusually fat, middle-aged man. "How?"

"Younger. I recognize you though—you were in Yama's that night talking to… Anyway, you're not as smart as you look either. You came alone, just like you said you would."

Searching for any sign that someone was watching us, I glanced around, but people simply milled in and out of the gallery, not paying any attention to us. "It looks like you're alone too, Rei-san."

"Hn. I must be as stupid as you are. I thought this place would be crawling with cops, but you don't even look like a cop." He flicked a disapproving look at my jeans. "In any case, what choice did I have? You found out about my little hobby, and since you survived the party I arranged for you last Thursday you're more dangerous than ever."

No one had ever called me dangerous before, and I couldn't help stammering, "Oh. Yeah… But it's not like I'm here to hurt you." Realizing he'd confessed to setting up the drive-by, I did another thorough scan of the station.

Rei glared at me. "You have information that could put me away for years, assuming you spoke with Sayu Yagami. Do you understand now why I think you're stupid to come here alone?" He wiped his forehead again, wheezing a bit. "All the same, I'd be glad to get out of this with my life."

"That's good news," I agreed absently, still looking around.

"You seem nervous."

"You tried to have me killed," I reminded him.

He laughed suddenly, startling me. "Ah…that wasn't exactly my idea… Regardless, here we both are: a couple of idiots meeting on a fine Monday afternoon."

Maybe he was right. Maybe we were both stupid enough to come here alone. Might as well make the most of it.

"Let's get down to business," he suggested, lighting a cigarette, and I turned all my attention back to him. We were standing right under a no smoking sign, and I hoped no security guards would come along and interrupt our meeting. "Your offer is tempting, but I can't help but wonder what the catch is. It's not every day a cop calls me up and offers to protect me from being arrested."

"All I need is some info from you about one of your clients."

His face shadowed over and he puffed his cigarette, smoke rolling from his mouth. "I see."

"I know it's kinda a weird way to handle things, but if I could get anything useful from you, it would be enough to pardon you. Right now forgery isn't a very big deal."

"And what about the fact that I tried to have you killed?"

A bit surprised, I said, "But…you said that wasn't your idea."

"Hn, no, it wasn't. It's like I warned Captain Aizawa—I know some dangerous people, and by investigating me, you're getting close to them."

"What kind of people? Who are they?"

He studied me with his fish-like eyes and took a drag off his cigarette. "I have your word you're not going to arrest me?"

"As far as I'm concerned, if you help me, you can just walk away, and I'll pretend I never even talked to you."

Rei's already leathery brow furrowed. "You're a strange cop. Alright. Tell me what you need to know."

"Awesome!" I couldn't help smiling as I dug into my pocket to retrieve the fake Taro Matsui ID. Getting a hold of it had been even harder than getting my hands on Ide's gun, and I was glad I actually got to use it. "I believe you made five fake NPA IDs for someone recently." I handed it to him. "Look familiar?"

Rei took it and turned it over once. He grinned a little wanly. "Oh… Then you are the Taro Matsui."

I frowned. "What's that mean?"

"Nothing. Yes, I made this a few weeks ago." He pulled at his collar, glancing over his shoulder, and I followed his gaze, but I didn't see anyone suspicious, just a non-descript young guy reading a map nearby. "To be honest, I have no idea who the IDs were for."

"But they hired you—how can you not know?" This could not be a dead end. I'd staked my life on this lead.

"Now, now," he cleared his throat and waved his hand. "Don't get upset. I never met the client in person, and he wouldn't tell me very much about what he needed the IDs for, so we used a middle man. Apparently the client knew someone who knows someone who had heard of me, so they hired me using a go-between."

"'Kay… Can you at least tell me his name?"

He glanced over his shoulder again, and then checked his watch. "I don't know it. The only thing I do know is he's the bartender at Yama's. At least, he was. I haven't seen him in a while now—there's some new oaf working there. Gap-toothed guy."

Not Momo then, but the guy who worked there before him maybe—the guy who was working the night the ex NPA officers were shot outside. Could Miyami have been the client? I had a hard time imagining Miyami wearing that freaky mask and torturing Chiba to death.

That memory made me shudder.

"Is that all?" Rei looked at his watch again and took another drag from his cigarette. "I have somewhere to be."

"Sorry, just one more thing. You told me the drive-by wasn't your idea, so whose was it?"

Rei blew another cloud of smoke up into the air and suddenly threw his cigarette down. His expression darkened some, and so did his voice, "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Matsuda-san… I'm not sure it would be safe to tell you that. For me, or for you."

My heart throbbed with fear, but I had to stay tough, like Ide would. "Sorry, but if the only information you can give me is that you made these IDs for a man you never met, I don't think I can keep you from being arrested. If anything, it just means you'll have to be brought in for questioning. And if you can't tell me who organized the drive-by, you'll probably have to take the fall for that too."

He sighed. "I knew you'd be difficult. Just like your superior, no doubt."

"My superior?" I blinked at him. "Which one?"

Rei laughed suddenly. "Oh my, you are dense. Which one? Do you mean you're not very highly ranked? What's someone like you thinking, meeting a man who tried to kill you without any back up?"

My face felt somewhat warm as I answered, "You don't know anything about my rank. And if you're talking about Aizawa—"

"Ah, so you are working under Captain Aizawa. I thought you might be. He's clearly the one trying to arrest me."

I was quiet a while, afraid to blurt out anything else he didn't need to know.

"Yes, Shuichi Aizawa was difficult when I talked with him. Impossible to do business with. I had hoped you'd be more accommodating."

I clenched my fist, wishing I could reach into my jacket if only to feel the reassuring steel of my gun.

"Well, I'll tell you this much, and hopefully it'll keep you from going back on your word not to arrest me. My client contacted me a few hours before I met with Sayu Yagami. He was the one who recommended we meet at the Shinjuku Prince in the first place, so I assume he was watching me closely, and that he must have men working at the hotel."

That could explain, I realized, how the shooter had gotten away without a trace. After climbing to the roof, an associate could have let him back in and helped him blend into the staff, but that was the kind of thing that would take either very careful planning, power, or a lot of money.

"In any case," Rei wheezed, "he also warned me that Sayu Yagami is involved with a cop named Touta Matsuda, and that you might be using her to get to me so you could find a way to my client. He really scared the shit out of me, you know." He panted a bit, and his face paled, as if remembering a bad memory. "He said I could go to jail for the rest of my life if you found out I did work for him. Of course, not long before that, I had found your wallet in my yard and was able to have my man tail you."

My breath hitched. Someone had been following me since Aizawa and I went to Rei's house, and I didn't even know it. They could have killed me at any time, or any of my teammates.

Rei wiped his forehead and checked his watch. "As for Sayu, she told me she had never met you, and I wanted to believe she genuinely needed my help. I always liked her father—he wasn't like the typical, scum bag cops. He was a good man."

"So…you're not planning to hurt her…right?"

"No. Look, kid, I don't know what's going on exactly, but when I found your wallet it had two IDs in it. Normal for a cop to have an alias…I guess, but Corporal Taro Matsui… That's the only name I was specifically asked to put on one of the fake IDs, and in that case, I assume you're the man this whacko on the television is looking for." His voice dipped low, barely uttering, "The man who shot Kira."

I held my breath, waiting for him to betray me. It seemed like just about anyone would.

"Looking at you, I find that a bit hard to believe, but regardless, I don't want any part of any of that madness," he explained, eyes clearing up with what seemed to be sincerity. "Believe me. Maybe I'm already involved against my will, but I honestly never met my client, and I had no idea he was going to kill NPA officers. I'd rather go to jail than get pulled deeper into this insanity." Huffing and mopping his forehead, he added, "This so-called Reaper is a monster; what he did to that NPA detective was unforgiveable."

My heart softened at those words. They seemed genuine. "Well, you're cooperating, so that's a good thing. If you hide a while longer, and then come forward with a testimony later, it could help us put this guy away, and I bet you'd be pardoned. It doesn't hurt that I'm close to the guy running the investigation."

"Aizawa, right? When you see him, tell him I'm sorry about that trick with the gun. I'm not a killing man—I was just desperate—and that drive-by wasn't my idea."

"I'm sure I can convince Aizawa it was a mistake," I told him with a smile, and I was starting to feel a little excited. If Rei testified what he knew, we could actually start building a case. "It's just a matter of cooperation!" I gave him a thumbs up.

Weakly, Rei smiled back. He stayed quiet a moment and then looked at his watch again, speaking slowly. "You seem like a nice guy."

I laughed. I'd gone from dangerous to nice in just ten minutes. That was progress in my book.

Suddenly, he snagged my arm and yanked me in close, whispering, "I've got something to tell you now."

"O-okay…" He smelled heavily of smoke and bourbon. I tried to pull away from him, but he held on tight.

"I've been lying to you, Matsuda-san."

"Lying? About what?"

"After you called me last night, I contacted our middle man and told him about our meeting. He agreed to come along today—"

Eyes threatening to burst from their sockets, I scanned wildly through the crowd, trying to really look at people, the way Mogi did. I tried not to seem scared, like Ide could, but my heart was already racing. "But…"

"I was supposed to talk to you for ten minutes, see what you had to say, and then give the signal."

"S-signal?" My lungs felt tight and small, and sweat beaded on my forehead. This was it. He'd say "this signal," wave his hand or something, and I'd be killed.

He hissed, "I don't want to do that, Matsuda-san; I believe what you said about keeping me out of jail, and I desperately want out of this mess. I'm only in it thanks to my own greed, I guess…but I'm willing to help you, as long as you promise I won't go to jail."

"I…I promise…" My voice was small. I wasn't like Aizawa. I couldn't be firm and stay in control, not when I was this afraid. "What should I do?"

His eyes narrowed. "You really came alone?"

"Y-yeah…I…"

"There's not much time left. I'm supposed to give the signal. Now, I want you to wrench away from me like you've figured out something is wrong, and then run for your damn life. Get on that train and go as far as you can."

My tongue felt dry as I asked, "Will you be okay? I mean…they won't do anything to you, right?"

"No, no, I'll be fine. I'll tell them you got away, and they'll have to believe me. They'll want to know what you said."

"But won't they want you dead because of the information you gave me?"

"Kid," he growled. "You wanna die? Just do what I tell you."

"Right…" I was shaking now, wondering what Aizawa would do. "Right… Wrench away…"

"On three." He seemed to think a second, and then said quieter than ever. "There is one more thing though; the first middle man we had was actually a go-between for a go-between. Get it?"

I could hardly think about the case right now, but I nodded. "I-I think so…"

"Any time I wanted to speak with the client, I had to tell the bartender, and then he told someone else, and that person told the client."

"Okay…" I stared around at the crowds.

Rei jerked my arm, hissing, emphatically, "Listen. One of those men disappeared, and there's only one left connecting me to my client. His name is Hiro—"

A single ear-splitting shot rang through the station. People around us screamed and dove to the ground, shielding their heads. Blood spattered my face, and for a second I was sure I'd been shot. I stared at Rei, mouth falling open. A chunk of his skull had been blown away, along with his left eye. The other stared vacantly. His body tumbled forward, crimson gushing down what was left of his face.

Screaming, I struggled to catch him, but he was too heavy, and he smashed against the pavement, blood pooling around his head.

More shots echoed around me, followed by more cries of terror. People started running and ducking for cover. I felt a bullet zing past me and hit the wall.

Blindly, I sprinted up the stairs, slugs buzzing by my head, barely missing. I ran serpentine formation, like I'd been taught, and hopped over the turnstile, dashing crazily for the sunlight, shoes slipping on the slick floor of the station.

A bullet nicked my ear.

Gasping, I clasped my hand over it, but I didn't dare slow down.

"No, no, you idiot! The boss wants him alive!"

Outside, I heard sirens screaming into the cold air, already pulling into the parking lot.

Boots pounded on the pavement behind me. I knew if I just had the guts to look over my shoulder, I'd see whoever was trying to kill me.

With a deep breath, I glanced back. There were just two, both wearing black ski masks. One of them fired a pop shot at me.

The other shouted, "The cops are here! We have to run."

From the sound of things, they stayed right behind me, still firing.

I felt like I was about to choke up my own stomach lining.

"C'mon! Reaper'll be pissed if we're caught!"

Then, one final shot rang out and the gunfire ceased.

Leaping over the last two stairs, I jagged through the exit and crashed out into the sunlight just as a pair of cruisers screamed onto the sidewalk, lights flashing. One stopped right in front of me, and I banged against it, leaned there a moment, and out of instinct, glanced up at the driver.

Aizawa gaped back at me.

Immediately, I sprang away, running as fast as my feet would carry me up the street.

Maybe he didn't recognize me…

The car door slammed. "Matsuda! Stop!"

Too much to hope for.

I rounded the corner so fast I nearly fell and had to steady myself against the wall of the station. I heard him behind me, still yelling for me to stop where I was. I raced up the sidewalk and into a crowd of people, shoving my way past them. I tripped once but righted myself immediately, ducked into an alley, and streamed past a man begging for change.

"Matsuda!" Aizawa shouted somewhere behind me, but he sounded far away. "Matsuda!"

I took a few turns at random until I was good and lost in the maze of back roads, and then darted across the next major street I came to, barely escaped getting creamed by oncoming traffic, and sprang onto the sidewalk again. Only then, did I stop, shaking and panting, to scan the area.

The guys with the guns were long gone, and I didn't see Aizawa. I'd managed to lose them all.

Rei, though… Rei was…

Don't think about that.

Jogging to the nearest bus stop, I boarded the first bus to show up and took a seat at the very back, where I sat with my knees hugged to my chest and my forehead pressed against them, just trying to calm myself down.

I'm okay, I kept telling myself. I'm okay. I'm okay.

Some of the other passengers stared at me weird, and one or two of them even moved away from me. I realized I was still splashed with blood, and I did my best to scrub it off and hide my face.

I kept seeing Rei fall to the floor, dead, half of his head blown apart like a watermelon. Did they kill him because he was about to give me the middle man's name? They must have figured out that he was going to let me go. He did manage to blurt out the name Hiro before being shot. Hiro Miyami? The guy chasing me had said Reaper would be angry, so I thought that more or less confirmed the idea that the Reaper had been Rei's client.

Had Rei known he was in danger of being killed? He must have if he was looking for a way out.

Now he was dead.

And Miyami might be involved. He could be the middle man between Rei and the Reaper, just like Light had used Takada to talk with Mikami.

That's just a coincidence. It's a smart thing to do.

At least it was a good lead. I tried to tell myself I'd done a good job, but I didn't know if it was worth Rei's life.

I have to make sure I use it to wrap up this case.

Right now, there was only one person who might be able to tell me the truth about Miyami, Reaper, Rei, and the middle man who had disappeared, but that meant going back to Yama's.

Just as soon as I don't feel like throwing up anymore…

For a long, long time, I sat on the bus, watching the scenery but not paying any attention to where I was, and I tried not to think about anything, especially not the horrible look on Rei's face when he was shot.

Sayu

From my bedroom window, I watched the police cruiser, wondering what it meant for it to be there at all and what Matsuda had told Aizawa about my involvement.

Just now, I didn't recognize any of the officers outside, but occasionally I saw Kanzo Mogi or Hideki Ide posted there, and I knew they must have a serious reason to want to keep an eye on us. So far, I didn't think Mom had noticed.

Inevitably, I stared down at my cell phone. It had only been a day since I heard from Matsuda, but with all the terrible things happening right now, I couldn't stop worrying about him and the others.

Prior to my father's death, I'd rarely spoken to any of them, and after my kidnapping, I'd hardly recognized them, despite the fact that all were present at Dad's funeral, paying their respects to me and my mother and brother in voices I could hardly make sense of. It had all meant very little to me at a time when even my dad dying had seemed too unreal to have much impact, and I thought now that some unconscious part of me had even chosen to stay that way if only because I'd known, on some level of my intellect, that waking up would mean having to face everything and cope.

But when Matsuda had come to my mother and I at Light's funeral, with the saddest look imaginable on his face, eyes full of tears, and apologized with such sincerity you'd think he was personally responsible for my brother's death, it had stirred me out of my trauma-induced shock, and I'd looked at him in a new light.

Investigating with him had only strengthened that feeling.

Even if we could never be together, I felt a powerful desire to be near him and to hear his voice. My days seemed to revolve around whether or not I could go out with him, and the longer the investigation went on, the more I understood that those feelings had less to do with the case than they did with just being around him. Since he'd walked me home from Light and Misa's apartment, I felt intoxicated by him, thrilled in his presence, lonely at his absence.

Barely hearing from him in the last five days had been an unexpected agony. Without the promise of being able to hit the street with him, waiting for him to call me up and tell me how he was doing seemed like the only thing I had to look forward to.

After studying my phone a few minutes, I picked it up and called him for the third time in two hours, but he hadn't even recorded a personal greeting for his voicemail yet, and I still didn't understand what he'd told me about getting a new phone, especially since he'd seemed so happy with the Nexus he'd purchased only last week.

All of it seemed very suspicious.

"Dammit." I all but dropped my phone back on the desk. "Where are you?"

"Sayu." I heard Mom knocking on my door, and then she peeked through, looking more even worried than usual. "You have some visitors."

"Visitors?" My heart leapt with hope as I turned to her.

"That's right. Come downstairs, please, they'd like to talk with you."

From the grave tone in her voice, I assumed it must be the police—maybe they'd come to explain why they'd been staked out at our house all week—but did I dare hope it might be Matsuda?

Stuffing my phone into my pocket, I hurried downstairs, where I heard manly voices murmuring back and forth in the living room. It could be him…it must be.

Convinced it had to be, I skipped over the last step, already smiling, and dashed into the living room, only to find my mother serving tea to Aizawa and Mogi.

My heart sank again with disappointment, and I even looked once around the room to make sure he really wasn't there with them.

"Here she is now." Mom smiled. "Sayu, say hello to the detectives."

Struggling to hide my dissatisfaction, I bowed. "Good afternoon, Aizawa-san. Mogi-san. It's nice to see you again."

They both mumbled their own formalities in return, and I noticed how tired they looked, baggy-eyed, ties missing, and it looked like Aizawa had even misaligned the buttons on his shirt, a far cry from the collected, professional appearance they usually wore.

Mom said, "They'd like to ask you some questions, Sayu. Is that okay?" She was using that soothing voice she'd adopted after my kidnapping.

"All right," I agreed, crossing the room to sit down in Dad's old arm chair, but I felt nervous. They must have come because they found out I'd been withholding information from them.

For a moment, no one spoke. Mogi sipped his tea, and Mom watched me expectantly, like I might give her some clue as to what was going on.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Aizawa looked up at her. "Thank you, Mrs. Yagami. Please excuse us."

Mom frowned, and I knew she'd rather not, but he hadn't left any room for argument, so she took her teapot and went into the other room.

At once, the detectives turned scrutinizing gazes on me. Mogi looked like he could see right through me; Aizawa just looked cranky. My heart beat picked up a tick, and I wondered if there was any way for me to talk my way out of this.

"Is something wrong, Detective?" I asked, meeting Aizawa's bleary gaze.

"No. We just want to ask a few questions." He produced a notepad and pen.

"I'll do my best to help."

"Thanks." He tapped the pen against the notepad a few times, seeming to think, taking his time to speak. "Look, Sayu, you've been spending a lot of time with Corporal Matsuda lately, haven't you?"

Here it came. They were going to try and get a confession out of me about helping him investigate, and then they'd probably arrest us both. "Yes, that's true."

"Has he been confiding in you at all?"

"I don't think Matsuda-san would ever leak information about the investigation."

He shook his head. "No, I meant has he been confiding anything personal in you?"

So far, this interview wasn't going the way I'd anticipated; I hesitated to glance at Mogi, but it didn't look like he'd even blinked since he sat down, and he was impossible to read. I tugged on my necklace. "Occasionally."

Still tapping his pen, Aizawa nodded, and I thought he looked immensely stressed out. "Well, when was the last time you spoke with him?"

"Yesterday."

"I'd appreciate it if you could be more specific, Sayu-kun."

Like on the day I'd brought lunch to him and Matsuda, his manners were borderline rude, and his questions didn't seem to have anything to do with withholding information. More like he was asking me about someone who'd gone missing or died. "Did something happen to Matsuda-san?" I asked quietly, barely managing the cold grip of fear that idea let into my heart.

Mogi shook his head. "As far as we know, he's fine."

"As far as you know?" I echoed.

Aizawa's answer wasn't nearly as soothing. "That's what we're trying to find out, so we need you to be as honest and accurate as possible."

My chest felt tight again. "I…I think it was fifteen til six… He called to tell me he got a new phone. I thought that was weird, since he just got one a few days ago."

Aizawa gave an unhappy sigh. "Yeah. Did he say where he was going?"

"No, nothing like that. He acted like he couldn't talk long. I asked him to call me back later, but he never did." I lingered there, watching the way it affected them. Aizawa lowered his head almost imperceptibly, as if admitting defeat, and scribbled a short note. Mogi finally turned away from me and set his yunomi down, frowning like there was something wrong with the tea. "I assumed he was busy with work."

"He didn't just call to tell you he got a new phone, did he?" Mogi asked, as if Matsuda calling just to brag about his new phone would be perfectly normal, and again I thought of the day I'd taken them lunch, how, even though the distress was evident all over his face, he'd excitedly shown me the Nexus he'd bought, and how Aizawa had eventually scolded him for taking pictures.

"No," I agreed, "he called to give me his new number. I can give it to you, if you want." I scrolled through my own phone; obviously they didn't have his number or know where he was, but I asked, "Where is he?"

"We're not sure," Aizawa mumbled reluctantly.

Worriedly, I looked up at him again. "So he's missing? After that drive-by it's obvious someone's trying to kill him. Do you think he's—"

"No, no," Aizawa said hastily. "As far as we know, he's okay. I suspended him from the investigation and had him in protective custody."

Matsuda must have hated that, particularly after what he'd said about wanting to prove himself.

"Because of the drive-by?"

"Exactly. We didn't think it was safe for him to be on the streets."

As scary as the drive-by had been, I doubted that alone would be enough for Aizawa to decide to suspend Matsuda from the case completely, let alone put him in protective custody. In fact, based on what little I understood, I wasn't completely sure Aizawa had the authority to do something like that without facing kidnapping charges.

"Yesterday he disappeared on us, and no one's heard from him since."

That was strange too. As far as I knew, being in protective custody was a little like being in jail, and I didn't see how he could have gotten away from them.

"I don't think there's any cause to be alarmed," Aizawa went on. "We just wanted to check with you and see if you'd heard from him recently."

"The number helps," Mogi added, clearing his throat.

Faintly, I recited the number, and Aizawa jotted it down.

"Thanks," he said. "Make sure you let us know if he calls you again." He handed me a business card with his name and rank on it, and I tucked it away.

"I wonder," Mogi spoke up again. "Did he mention anything about a train station?"

"No," I murmured. "Not that I remember. Why?"

Aizawa sighed. "I thought I saw him in Chiyoda station this morning while I was there on a call."

"Matsuda didn't mention anything about going over there."

"Right, of course not." He grumbled, "Little bastard's smart when he wants to be." With that, he got up again, followed by Mogi. "We appreciate your help, Sayu. Sorry to bother you."

"Wait, Aizawa." I jumped up before they could move for the door. "I mean…Aizawa-san… Did you…figure out who tried to kill him on Thursday night?"

The detectives exchanged glances. "No. Not as of yet."

I swallowed hard, feeling my mind start to spin. "I-I think…maybe, it might have been Atashi Rei. See, on Thursday, Matsuda and I were going to meet him at that café. I have this tape—"

"I know, Sayu," Aizawa interrupted gently. "Matsuda told me what you guys were doing, but I didn't see any point in mentioning it, seeing how Atashi Rei is dead."

"Dead?" My body lurched from the shock. "What do you mean?"

"He died this morning at Chiyoda station," Mogi explained.

I felt ready to faint. There was no way Matsuda would do something that extreme. Still, it seemed like an outrageous coincidence. It couldn't be a coincidence.

The detectives studied me, and then exchanged concerned glances. Mogi even moved in like he thought I might fall down.

As I pictured Rei, with his ugly shark face and his flabby body, remembering the lunch we'd had together, I didn't like to think of him being dead, and I liked even less to think of Matsuda as being responsible for it.

You couldn't… Sweet Touta Matsuda was barely tough enough to be a police officer, let alone to kill someone.

Heart racing all the faster, I looked back on the fight he'd gotten into outside Yama's bar; he'd surprised me with how quick and powerful he was—much faster and much stronger than he actually appeared—but that terrible look on his face still stood out in my mind, those hard, flashing eyes, the vicious curl of his lips as he swung, and how determined each blow had been, and I realized, like experiencing a harsh cold snap, that Matsuda was capable of more violence than I'd ever expected.

You could have…

Mogi touched my shoulder lightly.

My throat felt dry and my stomach was heavy like it had sand sitting in it, but I took a stammering breath and croaked, "There…there's something I need to tell you…"

Aizawa looked at me with concern. "About Corporal Matsuda?"

I nodded slowly, as Mogi helped me back into the chair and handed me my tea.

"Matsuda did call me yesterday," I explained when I'd taken a sip. "He didn't tell me where he was headed, but he did say you were hunting for Atashi Rei, and he wanted his number. I-I have it… Rei's number."

They looked at me with wide eyes, and I briefly explained how I'd come to have Rei's phone number.

"That's so Matsuda," Aizawa muttered, "calling to get a phone number he could have found online."

"I think…" I whispered, "maybe he wanted Rei's number so he could try and go after him. I think…I think Matsuda might have killed Rei."

Aizawa's eyes darkened. "That's a big leap, Sayu."

"No, you're right. But Atashi Rei asked me about Matsuda when I met with him… It's on the tape."

He winced, "Yeah, I remember."

"Then isn't it possible that Matsuda having Rei's phone number could have given him a way to confront him? I mean, even if Rei was in hiding, would he have ignored a phone call from a man he was looking for or even wanted dead?"

"It's possible," Aizawa agreed reluctantly. "I still don't see why Matsuda would want Rei dead. It isn't like him."

Of course not. I wanted to believe that. And obviously, they'd know better than I did what Matsuda was capable of.

"That's true," I said, and thought a moment. Matsuda was in trouble, possibly in danger, and that was more important than whether or not I'd be arrested. "I have a confession to make."

"Great." Aizawa looked toward the hall, where Mom had disappeared into the study. "Let's hear it."

"There's no way to sugar coat it." I clenched my hands together in my lap. "I didn't want you to know about my connection to Atashi Rei."

"It was stupid of the corporal to get you involved."

"I got him involved," I corrected quickly. "This whole thing was my idea. When he told me you guys were having trouble arresting Rei I met with him and recorded our conversation, and then I told Matsuda about it."

Aizawa's face shadowed with confusion, but Mogi cut in. "Why would he be telling you about the case?"

I winced. "Yeah…that… The confession is…" I took a deep breath, and then whispered so Mom wouldn't overhear. "I've been helping Matsuda investigate ever since those five men were killed at the hotel."

Aizawa's mouth fell open. "You what?"

Before he could say more, I went on to tell them the whole story of how I'd learned about the shotgun, and how I'd chosen the officer most likely to work with me. I took them through each event in as much detail as I could remember, editing a few personal aspects, and then I reiterated the story about Atashi Rei, the tape, and the events of Thursday.

Both of them stared quietly at me as I talked, and I wished I could go on and on forever so they'd never have an opportunity to be angry or place me under arrest, but soon enough I was out of things to say, with nothing to do except wait for the consequences of what I'd done.

Aizawa jumped up without warning, shouting, "What was that idiot thinking?"

"Aizawa," Mogi hissed, but it was no good.

"No wonder he was asking about the penalty for withholding information—I wonder how many stupid things he's done in the last week because he was trying to protect you!"

Mogi whispered again, "Captain, please—"

"You're no better," Aizawa pointed at me, barely lowering his voice, and I suddenly felt like my father was in the room, scolding me, in an uncharacteristically bad temper, for being stupid. "Don't you realize the trouble you could get in?"

"I wanted to help," I murmured, feeling foolish. "After Kira destroyed my family and ruined my life…I felt like—"

"That's no excuse to hide things from the NPA—you could go to jail! Matsuda too!"

Mom emerged from the hall, wringing her hands. "Sayu? Is everything all right?"

Ferociously, I bit my lip, nodding, even though I felt positive Aizawa would tell her right then and there what I'd done, just before he slapped the handcuffs on me.

Instead, he suddenly sat down on the couch, rubbing his face, and Mogi smiled at her. "Everything's fine, Mrs. Yagami. Please excuse my captain."

Mom looked at him, and then stared at Aizawa, and finally back to me.

"Everything's okay," I told her, just as strongly as I could manage.

"Forgive my manners," Aizawa grated out. "We're almost finished here, Mrs. Yagami."

At last, Mom nodded, but she kept her eyes fixed sternly on me as she turned away, and I knew it was impossible for her to have not overheard at least some of what Aizawa had said.

When she was gone, he leaned forward again to hiss, "No matter what the reason was, you shouldn't have done that."

"Technically," I ventured, in a quiet voice, "I did tell a police detective."

"She has a point," Mogi told him. "Corporal Matsuda should have filed a report."

Aizawa exclaimed, "He knew she could get in trouble! That's obviously why he didn't."

"Even so, he did tell us a lot of this information already."

I shot Mogi a grateful look.

Aizawa got up and started pacing, going around and around until I thought he'd wear a path in the carpet.

I waited a moment or two before asking smally, "Are you going to take me to jail?"

He stopped and gazed out the window a long moment. "Did you tell me absolutely everything now? You didn't leave anything out?"

"Yes, that's everything. If I have to go to jail, at least—"

He turned on me, snapping, "You're not going to jail. You should be charged, obviously; interfering with police business is no joke."

Grimly, I nodded. "I understand, sir."

"Aizawa," Mogi said disapprovingly. "Don't you think—?"

"However," Aizawa went on. "You're the only thing your mother has left in the world. I would have to be one cold bastard to arrest you. So I won't."

It was an announcement that called for professions of gratitude and promises to never do it again, but I nodded all the more gravely. "Thank you, sir."

And yet, Aizawa's expression turned all the sterner. "You have to promise me you're going to stay out of it from now on. Don't go out playing detective anymore, and for God's sake, if that idiot calls you back and tells you anything else, call me."

"Yes, sir. I will."

Still, he didn't seem satisfied. "What you did was stupid and reckless; you've been through a lot, I'm not belittling that, but you need to think about your actions in the future, and the way they affect other people."

"I will," I agreed quickly. "I'm sorry."

"You had no business getting involved in this—your responsibility right now is to your mother and yourself."

"Yes. You're right."

He nodded, expression severe, and I figured his kids didn't get away with much when he was around. "There must be a better way for you to spend your time and energy. I recommend you find it."

"Aizawa," Mogi said suddenly. "You do have to admit the things Matsuda and Sayu found helped us get where we are today."

A painfully long pause followed, and I could tell Aizawa didn't appreciate being undermined, but he relented. "I'm not denying that." He looked at me again, still unflinchingly stern. "Poking around is one thing, Sayu, but lying to the police hinders the case. I hope that, as the daughter of Soichiro Yagami, you understand the difference."

"I do," I said eagerly, hoping this signified the end of the lecture. "Believe me, I do. In fact, I wanted to tell you everything on Thursday, Aizawa-san, but Matsuda wouldn't let me."

"Sounds like him." He scowled all the deeper, and I knew the words didn't change his feelings in the least.

"I just hope what I told you helps you find him."

He sighed. "Me too."

Getting the truth out made me feel better, and I even managed to smile as I showed them to the door. Later, I might have to explain things to Mom, but for now it seemed like everything had turned out okay.

Aizawa paused on the step to speak to me again, and I was half afraid he'd pick the lecture up where he left off.

Instead, he looked at me with obvious concern. "Sayu… The two of you weren't ever really dating then, were you?"

A bit surprised, I shook my head. "No. Not yet… But…I wasn't trying to lead him on. I do like him."

He cocked his head, barely looking at me from the corner of his eye, and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "So…you would?"

Why was he being so weird about it? Did he think that was some kind of problem? "Sure. I care about him."

"I see." His voice seemed strangely dark and even a bit sad. He nodded. "Well, I'll try to find him for you."And then, without explaining where any of that despair had come from, he left me there to worry.