Disclaimer: I'm in grad school, I know all about citing my sources, Steph owns'em all, I'm just playing
A/N: To those who send me reviews, I am truly grateful, whether they are just a smiley face or a comment on the characters, or even a question. I love them all. Thank you!
Self Esteem Ch. 13: Unbelievable
Edward:
I decide to allow myself the weekend to grieve. I will stop the pity party Monday morning. I refuse to give in to my desire to call Bella or go over there and shake some fucking sense into her, or to beg her to come over, or to tell her we can be whatever she wants to be if we can just be together. I have to start treating myself better. I also think a lot about what my dad said… about being so closed off and I decided I need to make some changes. There is still over a year and a half of school left, plenty of time to make meaningful friendships, maybe even have a healthy relationship… even if it's not with Bella. I wince at that thought
Saturday is a blur of homework, guitar, and self-pity. Emmet and Alice spend Sunday trying to distract me with movies and board games. Although it's really nice of them, it doesn't work that well… I still spend much too much time wallowing. By 8:00pm, I excuse myself to my room. I read a little, fiddle a little more with my guitar, and hit the bed by 9:30pm, allowing the storm to lull me to a fitful sleep.
I wake up to the sound of knocking on the glass door. A quick look at the clock reveals it's midnight. There is only one person who comes to the balcony door, especially this late… Bella. I move into a sitting position, smiling automatically when I see her… and then I remember and put a staunch scowl on my face.
"It's me, Edward. Please let me in." I hear her through the glass. I can't move, if I get up, I'll let her in, if I let her in, I'll kiss her, if I kiss her, I'll give in to anything she asks. "Please, Edward. Please. I need to talk to you."
I let out the deep breath I've been holding and walk slowly to the door. She'll have to say whatever it is through the glass. I lock my hands at my sides so they don't betray me by flinging open the door and pulling her close. "What do you want, Bella?" I force out.
"I want to talk to you. Won't you please let me in? It's raining cats and dogs out here, and it's hard to hear."
I can't bear to look at her knowing she's out there in the pouring rain, so I look at my feet, "I can't, Bella. I just can't. It's over, it has to be over" but I put my head against the cool glass, my body automatically moving to be closer to her.
She leans her head on the other side of the door and pleads, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please I… I…" I know she's sorry. She didn't have to come all the way over here in the rain to tell me that, and it doesn't change anything. I can't let it change anything. I feel her eyes on me as she says, "I love you, Edward. I love you." My head snaps up to meet her eyes; she looks scared, vulnerable.
My emotions flip from anger: She… what? She loves me? What the fuck! Who does that shit to someone they love… to elation: I don't know how long I've waited to hear those words from her mouth. Those might just be the best words I've ever heard… to disbelief: She's only doing this now because I'm walking away. She's manipulating me… back to anger:
"You love me? You fucking love me? I don't think you love me you don't even love yourself." My heart lurches, we both stand there frozen, looking at each other. When a bolt of lightning flashes across the sky, I can see her chest rising and falling and tears falling down her cheeks mixing with the raindrops. I want to open the door, pull her close, kiss away her tears and tell her everything is going to be OK, but I don't know if everything is going to be OK.
"Edward, please…" I can barely hear her through the glass now, "I know I fucked up… I fucked everything up… I know I haven't been fair to you… or even nice to you most of the time, but I do love you. I do." She puts her hand on the glass and rests her head on her extended arm wiping away the rain and tears.
"You know I… I care about you, too" care… a bold face lie, love, I love her, "but I just can't. I can't. Please go home, Bella." I plead making sure not to look up at her for fear I'll crumble.
She flattens both hands on the glass, "OK, I'll leave, but I am not going to give up so easily. I'll prove I love you, I'll prove I deserve to be loved by you… I don't care what I have to do, or how long it takes." She sounds so determined, but I refuse to get my hopes up. She really, really hurt me, as much as I want her in my life, I will not put myself in that situation with her again. "I'll see you at school tomorrow. Have a good night." She says and then disappears over the railing and into the darkness.
I stand there stunned. I know she won't do anything to disturb her status quo. She's made that painfully clear this past week. When given the choice, she will always choose the easy way... how many times has she said she needs Bella the Bitch. Even if she does change, that won't change anything… will it? I start back to bed when I hear knocking on my bedroom door. Jesus! What now? It's probably Alice or Emmet… I wonder if they'll go away if I don't answer, but the door swings open slowly revealing my mother.
"Mom? What are you doing up here so late?"
"I don't think you know this, but I still walk around and check on all three of you when there is a bad storm… it's ingrained in me from all the years storms meant nightmares and hiding under the covers."
"I'm OK. Just got up to use the bathroom, I'm heading back to bed now." I say hoping that's the end of it.
"I heard you talking to someone. I didn't hear much, a random word here and there, but I could tell who it was by the tone of your voice. Are you sure you're OK?"
"Actually, no, I'm not sure. I don't know how to do this. I know I have to, I can't let anyone treat me like dirt, even Bella Swan, but it just hurts so much not to be with her. To think that I may never talk to her or touch her again."
"You'll be alright, baby." She walks over and gives me a 'mom' hug. I immediately put my head on her shoulder and wrap my arms around her to soak up as much comfort as possible. We haven't hugged like this in a long time, but man, do I need it now. I know I sound like a pussy, but sometimes it's just nice to get a hug from mom. "You really love her?"
"Yeah, I do. It sucks."
"I know you're hurting, honey, but give it time. You may eventually realize that you don't really love her, at least not the way you think you do now," I grimace and shake my head unbelievingly at those words, so she continues, "Sometimes people grow up and realize what's truly important in life. Or maybe Bella will change, she may become someone you can put your trust into… in time. Or maybe you will find someone more deserving of you,"
"She crushed me, mom. I feel like she literally ripped me open with her bare hands. I don't know if I can ever let her in again even if she does seem to change. I want to seal myself off and never take another chance to have my heart broken. But I know my emotions aren't real, that my love for her is real.
"Do whatever you feel you need to do. I am always on your side. I will always be here for you. I want you to be happy, no matter what that means. But I will say this, time heals and what is meant to be will happen… as long as you don't close yourself off to any possibilities down the road." She smiles knowingly at me and backs away squeezing my hand.
"OK, mom, I'll try to keep an open mind."
"Good. Now get some sleep, it's late and you have school in the morning." She steps out of the room shutting the door behind her.
I fall back into bed, wishing for sleep to take me right away, but like Emmet always says wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up first. I spend the night tossing and turning while my thoughts race through my head at light speed. By the time I drift off, it's after 3:00am, but I've made some decisions that I feel good about.
First, I am going to stop clinging to the walls during school. I am going to walk down the hallways like I belong there. Second, I'm going to start keeping my head up, meeting people's eyes instead of staring at my feet. I'm also going to smile at people rather than scowl or look away. Third, I am going to start talking to my peers, in class, in the hallways, before and after school and during lunch, which leads me to number four. I'm going to eat in the cafeteria like a normal high school student. Finally, I'm going to move on from Bella, find someone who wants me as much as I want her, someone not embarrassed to be seen in public with me. That last thought makes my already aching heart hurt a little more, but I have to. I can do this, I know I can.
Monday morning, I wake up a little earlier than usual to shower and shave, so I can head down to consult with Alice about my attire. I hear Rhianna singing about a Rude Boy as I approach her room. I knock loudly and after a couple of seconds she opens the door in her fuzzy pink robe and Oscar the Grouch slippers.
She looks at me curiously, "Edward? What's up? You don't usually stop by before school. Are you OK?"
"Um, yeah, I'm alright…" I say as I run my hand through my hair nervously. "I was hoping you would help me pick out something to wear for school?" It comes out as a question.
She just stands there with her hands on her hips, her mouth slightly ajar, staring at me as if I've grown a third eye. "Not that I'm not thrilled that you've finally come to your senses and asked me for fashion tips, but why?"
I sigh and lean against her doorframe, "I had a long talk with Dad on Friday night and that mixed with everything that happened with… made it abundantly clear I need to make some changes. I want to seem more approachable, friendlier."
When she's done clapping her hands and jumping up and down, she takes my hand and practically drags me back to my room. "You have all the necessary tools, Edward, you just don't know how to use them. She marches into my closet with me in tow and surveys what she has to work with. She pulls a couple of things from the hangers and heads back into the room. "OK, if you want people to actually notice you, you have to wear some color." I grimace when she says this, but she ignores me pulling out a plaid button down and pairing it with a tight blue short sleeved t-shirt and a pair of Diesel blue jeans I've never worn. She lays them out on the bed for my perusal; it's not my usual black jeans and grey t-shirt, but it's not outrageous either. I'm actually kind of relieved, Alice can come up with some weird combinations sometimes… they always look good, but I'm not ready for outrageous yet.
"Ok?" She asks looking for my approval.
"Yeah, not too bad. I can handle this."
"Good. Wear the ankle boots I gave you for your birthday. They'll complete the new look nicely." She smiles and heads for the door.
"Hey, Alice?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm thinking about heading to the cafeteria for lunch today, do you think I can sit at your table?" I ask feeling very vulnerable.
"Of course, silly! You're always welcome to eat with us. Do you want to meet me outside the caf so you don't have to walk in by yourself?"
She knows me so well. It's obvious she can see how hard this is for me and she wants to support this new found interest in the human race as much as possible. I nod in affirmation.
"OK, see you then…" leaves the room, but pokes her head back in, "I'm really happy you decided to do this. I know it'll be hard for you, but we'll all be there for you. We love you." And then she disappears from sight. I hear her humming a random tune as she floats down the stairs.
I pull into school 10 minutes earlier than usual to give myself time to psych myself up. Just because I've ignored almost everyone for years, doesn't mean it has to stay that way. "I CAN do this. I can." I say to myself out loud while gripping the steering wheel so hard my hands hurt. I take a couple of deep breaths to steady myself, grab my bag off the passenger seat and head into school.
Usually, I would walk straight to my locker, grab my stuff and head directly to 1st period ignoring everyone along the way, but today, I walk in and look around. I notice things I've never noticed – or at least never registered- before, like the fact that the walls above the chipping blue lockers are full of painted murals signed by past students, some old and fading and some newer and bright. Some of the ceiling tiles have signs of water damage and are sagging in the middle. People are looking at me as if I'm some kind of alien, but just before I start to panic, I feel Alice grab my hand. She whispers, "It's OK, just be yourself" and I feel better. I take another steadying breath as she leads me further down the hallway. Surprisingly, Emmet, Jasper, and Rosalie are standing around my locker as if this is where they usually hang out in the morning. I know what they are doing and while it sickens me that they feel the need to do this, I am extraordinarily grateful.
Once I'm sure I have everything I need for my first few classes, I close and lock my locker and turn toward my family, "So, I take it Alice told you guys?" I say turning my eyes toward the floor in embarrassment. I feel like an idiot. What 17-year-old boy needs to be surrounded by his family in order to act normal at school? "You guys don't have to do this."
Emmet steps forward and puts his hand on my shoulder. "We know you can do fine on your own, Bro. We're just trying to show you how happy we are you decided to come back to the land of the living." I look up to meet his eyes, searching for pity, but I see nothing but genuine happiness, so I nod my head slightly in acknowledgement. They all smile and return to the conversation they were having before my arrival.
"Rosie, I want to go away alone over winter break. I don't want my little sister and your little brother hanging around. I want you to be able to scream my name in ecstasy a hundred times at the top of your lungs, and not worry about Alice and Jasper hearing."
Rose rolls her eyes and smacks the back of his head, "Emmet can't we keep our love-life to ourselves once in a while? Jeesh! You'd think all we do is fuck like rabbits!"
"Yes, PLEASE keep those comments to yourself!" Alice interjects in a disgusted tone.
"Oh, no, baby, I'm no bunny rabbit. I'm more like a walrus." Emmet smiles proudly at his comment while Jasper, Rose and I stare at him in utter confusion.
Alice must understand what he means because shakes her head, covers her ears, grabs Jazz's hand and walks away saying, "Oh, no, no, no, TMI motherfucker! TMI!"
"What the fuck are you talking about Emmet?" Rose finally asks when it becomes apparent Em isn't going to enlighten us any time soon.
"You know, walruses have the biggest shlongs of like… everyone." He beams looking back and forth between Rose and me. "Alice and I watched 50 First Dates over the weekend… you know Adam Sandler's character tells Drew Berrymore that walruses have the biggest cocks in the world." The look on his face is so childlike and earnest while casually comparing the size of his penis to a sea mammal, that I forget myself momentarily and laugh, loudly.
Rose shakes her head at him in exasperation, but can't hide her own smile. "I love you, you big dumb, walrus! But sometimes I wonder about what goes through your head." She laces her hand through his, stands up on her toes, and says, "Come on, babe, let's go check… I'm sure a walrus has nothing on you." And my laugh dies quickly in my throat. Um, gross.
The bell rings, so I head to first period. For once, I'm not the first person in class. I catch Angela's eyes as I walk through the door and greet her with a nod and a smile. Starting with someone I'm already sort of friendly with seems like a good idea. She returns the gesture, but looks uncertain. We've been in this class together for weeks now, and this is the first time I've acknowledged her presence. I lean over the empty desk that is currently in between us and say, "Hi, Ang. How was your weekend?"
"Oh, it was good. How about yours?"
I should have thought that one through, of course she would ask me about mine, not wanting to dump stuff on her, but not wanting to lie either I say, "Enlightening. How's Ben?"
She smiles brightly, "He's so good. We're very happy."
I nod, "I'm glad. You two deserve it. Looks like class is about to start, I'll talk to you later." She nods in agreement and pulls out her notebook. Just as the tardy bell rings, Maggie Delaney rushes in and takes her usual seat between Angela and me with a huff. She begins muttering under her breath while shaking her head, making me chuckle.
She stops what she's doing and looks over at me seemingly startled. I don't blame her, we have had at least one class together every semester since 7th grade and I don't think she's ever heard my voice. After a few seconds, she smiles with a shrug and whispers, "I'm having a hell of a morning!"
I nod in understanding and add with a smile of my own "me, too." She continues to smile at me on and off throughout class.
By the time lunch rolls around, I have actually had four separate conversations with four separate people - including Angela and Maggie during 1st period. I'm pretty proud of myself. It has been very stressful and I really had to work at it, but as the morning went on and people responded to my friendliness, I found it easier to keep my head up and smile. I am more tired than usual, for some reason being friendly has taken a lot out of me.
I dump my books in my locker, grab my stuff for Biology – Fuck! Biology… I don't even want to think about it now- and head to meet Alice in front of the cafeteria. Her smile lights up her whole face as she sees me coming.
"Hey there, Bro. How was your morning?"
"Good. It's been stressful, but good." I go to push the doors open, but she stops me.
"You ready for this? It's a lot of people. People you haven't talked to in years." She looks worriedly at me.
I take a deep breath, let it out slowly and run my fingers through my hair, "I'm good. Let's go" I push the doors open and walk in. I can feel several pairs of eyes on me as we make our way to the lunch line, but for the most part the chatter doesn't wane and people do not stop what they're doing just to stare at me. This is going better than I thought. Alice and I both grab a slice of cheese pizza and an apple juice and take it back to their usual table. I take the seat that is closest to the wall facing the door. I look around as I slowly eat my lunch. I tell myself I'm just taking in my surroundings, but I know I'm really looking for Bella.
About 10 minutes into the period, I'm laughing with Alice at my brother's expense. "What? You don't think mom and dad will let me? I'm 18, an adult. They don't have a choice!" Emmet whines, which just makes us laugh even harder.
Alice says through her giggle, "Go ahead, try telling that to mom. She'll love it! There is no way in hell mom is letting you take Rose up to the cabin by yourself, over Christmas!"
"She might…" Em tries under his breath. Alice and I look at each other and start the laughing fit all over again.
As I'm wiping the tears from under my eyes, I see her. She walks in with her groupies following her. They are talking animatedly, but she is quiet. She looks paler than usual, with dark circles under her eyes and the sparkle that usually graces her large chocolate doe eyes is missing. I wonder if she slept at all last night. I want so badly to walk across the room, take her in my arms and tell her everything is going to be OK, but I can't. Our eyes meet briefly, she looks surprised, then happy, then sad all within a matter of seconds. I try to make my eyes hard as steel. I need her to stay away.
I feel Alice's hand squeeze mine reassuringly, evidently having seen her walk in as well, but she keeps up with the current conversation at the table. I try to listen. I try to participate, but it's not really working. Bella is now sitting in her usual seat at her usual table, which faces away from me. I find myself getting really pissed off! What happened to 'I'll do anything to show you I love you.' She said she would prove it to me… well she is not off to a very good start. I knew I couldn't get my hopes up. It was just another manipulation. Goddamn it! While I am trying to bore a hole in the back of her head with my eyes she laughs, and I feel myself soften. I love her laugh.
And then all hell breaks loose. Lauren catches me staring and holds my eyes as a nasty, cold, smile creeps across her face. Shit! She leans over the table and says something to Bella nodding in my direction. I quickly look away before Bella can look over and catch me herself, so I miss what happens next, but I hear chairs scraping the floor and then raised female voices… one in particular, Bella. I look back to her table to find her leaning across the table, inches from Lauren's face. The screaming match continues and then, Bella pulls her arm back and hits her… right in the nose… again. She moves, but instead of walking toward the exit, she walks over to our table. As she approaches, I can see that she is flushed pink on every inch of exposed skin. I find myself extremely turned on. Damn it, not now! She greets me with a tentative smile and bites her lower lip.
"Um, Edward, can I talk to you in private? Please?" she asks quietly. My tongue is tied. I want nothing more to say, yes, but I know I should say, no, so I just don't say anything. The entire table is looking at her. Alice smiles and her eyes sparkle – What the fuck, I'll have to talk to her about that later- Rose looks utterly confused, mouth slightly agape, Jasper's eyes bug out of his head as mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, and Emmet glares at her with ice in his usually calm blue eyes. Finally, she pleads again, "Edward, please… I just want to talk." I still can't seem to find my voice.
Emmet stands up to his full height and says down to her, "I don't think so. You had months to 'talk to him in private' and now you're done. I'm not going to let you hurt him again. Go away, Bella."
Bella looks like he slapped her and she starts to cry. She begins backing away; perhaps just noticing now that everyone in the entire cafeteria is watching this encounter. Even Lauren, who is holding blood soaked napkins over her nose, is looking this way. You can hear a pin drop it is so quit in the usually loud cafeteria. The door opens and the nurse rushes over to Lauren while the Dean makes eye contact with Bella. She's going to get suspended, for sure.
Suddenly, she stands up as tall as she can and she turns around, wiping the tears from her cheeks and stalks over to me. "If we can't talk in private, then we'll just have to talk here. I love you, Edward." She leans over and kisses me, hard and passionate, then looks at me. I have never seen her so determined, "I told you I wouldn't give up, that I would do whatever it takes to get you back, to prove myself to you. I'm done with them and Bella the Bitch" her voice rings out through the room loud and clear. Then a little quieter she says, "I hope one day you can forgive me for being so horrible to you, for hurting you, and taking advantage of you. I really hope so, because you are it for me. I've loved you since we were little, I loved you when I was gone and couldn't talk to you, I love you now, more than ever, and I will always love you- always. I'll wait until you're ready—if you ever are —please just think about it." She leans over and kisses me one last time before turning on her heel and walking right to Dean Randall who is still standing at the door looking a little dumbfounded. She follows him out of the room without looking back.
I don't know what the hell to think let alone feel. This is what I've wanted since the beginning, I wish it wasn't quite so public, but this is what I always wished she would do. Hell, if this had happened last Monday I'd be outside kissing her, pushing her body up against the rough brick wall, but today, I can't allow myself to go there. I spent all weekend convincing myself to let her go. I actually made good on my promise to be more open to people, despite the fact that my heart feels like it's been through a meat grinder. Right now, I kind of feel numb… which is good, because I still have to get through the rest of the day. I look around to find everyone staring at me. There is a quiet muttering throughout the room—or maybe they are talking at a regular volume and I'm just stunned half-deaf. Lauren finally allows the nurse to take her back to her office and the rest of the groupies are staring at me in astonishment.
"Do you want to leave, Edward?" I hear my brother's deep voice laced with concern. I know he's really worried because he actually used my whole given name. I look up at him still dazed and shake my head no. He does a slow 360-degree turn staring everyone down; daring anyone to say a word or make a move. As he sits back down, the chatter in the room starts to get louder and louder until the atmosphere seems back to normal. I would believe it was a dream, but Tori, Bree, and Jessica are alternating between whispering amongst themselves and sneaking glances at me.
When the bell rings, I walk straight to Biology trying to ignore the looks and whispers around me. At least the Bio issue is solved, temporarily, I'm sure she won't be here today… probably for the rest of the week, maybe not next week either. I take my seat and pull out the textbook hoping that if I look busy, people will just ignore me. It seems to work until Jessica walks straight over to me and puts her hands down on the desk with a slap!
"What was that?" she asks. I look up at her briefly, and then go back to my book. "Come on, Edward. What was that?"
I pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger to buy a second, and then run both hands through my already ragged hair before responding, "I think you should talk to your friend. I'm still not exactly sure what happened myself."
She takes her hands off my table and rests them on her hips, "You're not going to tell me anything, are you?"
I shake my head, "Nope" I say popping the 'P' at the end. She huffs and stomps off to sit next to Newton.
The rest of the day is quiet… literally quiet. Every time I walk into a room, everyone stops talking. My good mood from this morning and the strides I made at connecting with people are both forgotten. When the last bell sounds, I practically sprint to the sanctity of my car without even stopping at my locker. It seems for the first time in my academic career, I will not be completing all my homework assignments. I briefly consider waiting until the building clears out a little and going back, but decide against it. As I pull out, I see the Chief's cruiser parked in the lot next to Bella's beat up old truck.
I make it home in record time, which is really saying something with my driving habits, and run right up to my room without stopping to talk to mom. I just need some time by myself. Once I'm in my room I feel the blessed numbness give way to a multitude of emotions. Anger at the situation, at Lauren for pulling Bella into her evil web, at the boys who took advantage of Bella's naiveté and need to be liked, at the stupid middle school principal for suspending me longer than her, even at her mother for taking her away in the first place, but most of all I'm angry with her for allowing all of this to happen, for not standing up for herself and for standing up for me too late, and with myself for still wanting her. Sadness, for the situation, for poor Bella Note who thought she had to become someone else to fit in, and for me for still loving her. Happiness because she loves me… she really loves me! She wants me like I want her. I can have her… we can be together. Then finally, hopelessness, because I cannot allow myself to get involved with her again, I would look like an idiot, a fool. She could change her mind; this could have been a fluke wave of confidence and she could go right back to Bella the Bitch. I just can't let it happen… no matter how badly I want it to.
I hear knocking on the door and discover it has gotten darker out. I must have fallen asleep. "Come in."
"Hey, mom asked me to come get you for dinner." Alice says with a small smile. Remembering her look at lunch, I raise my eyebrow in question. "What?" she asks.
"What? What was that at lunch?" She smiles again and I want to slap it right of her face, "Alice, I'm in no fucking mood. What the fuck was that?" I bite out.
"I'm glad she finally came to her senses, that's what. It took her long enough, but she finally did it… very publicly, I might add." She says, smile still intact, I don't think I've ever been so pissed off at my sister.
"Again, what the fuck, Alice? Last week you wanted to beat the shit out of her because of the way she treated me and now you're all smiles?"
"Oh, I still want to kick her ass for how she treated you, but I know this will work itself out… as long as she keeps being honest with herself – and you." I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration and shake my head at her in disbelief. "I told you before, I had a feeling you guys are meant to be… you know one of my special feelings, the one I got with Rose and Emmet and Jasper and me?"
"It's still high school. Sure, you guys all look happy and may be together forever, but you don't know definitively."
Alice waves her hand dismissively before saying, "I know, OK? If you want more proof, how about the time I made Emmet cancel that big party when mom and dad went out of town, because I knew something would happen, and what happened, they came home early and we all would have gotten busted… or the time I told you not to take main street and you didn't listen to me and you got a ticket… or the time I"
I put my hands up in defeat, "OK, OK, I get it, I get it, but think it's too late. I just can't. I can't risk having my heart ripped out again."
She shakes her head, "You've been in love with each other practically your whole lives… even if I did start doubting myself last week. She's ready to change, I know it."
"Whose side are you on? I mean, Jesus, she spends the last four months treating me like a damn disease, and makes one declaration of love and all of a sudden your all 'you belong together'' you love each other' so forgive her and move on, as easy as that" I snap my fingers in her face, "That's bullshit!"
"Whoa, I didn't say just forgive her and move on. I think that it will take a lot of work for her to earn your trust back, for you to work past your insecurities and allow her back in, for you guys to actually make it work for the long haul. I'm just saying it will all work out and that it will be worth it in the end. So, don't completely give up, keep an open mind. See if she really is trying to change."
I sigh deeply and hunch my shoulders before giving in and squeaking out, "You really think that? You really had a feeling about Bella and me?"
"Ever since you got into that fight over her in 8th grade… I used to say it all the time…"
"Used to? See, even you thought it was time to give up."
"Yeah, used to… until last week. Bella had me doubting my special feelings for the first time in my life after she pulled that shit at school and whatever she did to you at the party Friday night," I flinch when she says that. I had hoped that Emmet was the only one who knew, "but after lunch today, I realized my feelings are NEVER wrong. I know how happy you two could be together… once all this shit gets cleared up." Finally, a small ray of hope in the abyss that is my life right now.
"I'll think about it, OK? For now, can we just not talk about it anymore?"
"Whatever you want, BaBa, now let's go eat. I'm starving and mom made homemade enchiladas." She says with a wide smile and a quick hug before taking off down the stairs. I walk down after her feeling a little lighter than I have in over a week.
A/N: Hope you liked it… they're working their way back to each other, it's just gonna take time. Ch 14 is started and basically written in my head, I just need to put it on paper, but the next couple of weeks are going to be pretty intense for me, so I'll try to post within the next couple of weeks, but I can't make any promises. Please don't hate me! As always thank you for reading and leave me a note!