I've missed this story- only a couple chapters left. Sorry for the long time in between updates.
He signed it love. Not sincerely. Love.
Love is a very strong word and when Rukia told Toshiro she loved him, she meant it. But she wondered, did he sign that as a formality, or maybe out of a guilty conscious because of her admission? Or was it genuine feeling? She didn't give her brain the time to doubt, she allowed herself to enjoy the possibility that he felt about her the way she did him. For the first time in over twenty-four hours she did something that just a few hours ago, she thought would be impossible.
She smiled.
But what about the rest of his note? He said he had not forgiven her, did that mean he was mad? Rukia sighed, she figured he had the right to be upset with her. She was just happy he was willing to speak with her.
Rukia then notices a subtle knock on the door, and calls out a quiet, "come in." A woman with short dark hair comes through the threshold and closes the door behind her. Rukia immediately recognizes her as the woman who helped her outside the apartment building.
"I saw you were awake Mrs. Kuchiki, and I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Soi Fon, and I will be your bodyguard from now on." Although Rukia was not shocked to see her there she was a little startled by her cold tone. Rukia nodded, "I will do everything in my power to keep you safe." Now that she was going to be in the spotlight from now on, it was no surprise that she was going to be assigned a bodyguard. Even Byakuya has one-of course, Byakuya refused to be accompanied by him besides at Kuchiki events.
"Thank you for, well, back then," the older women seemed to know what she meant, and nodded. "Please call me Rukia. So, if you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" Rukia asks a little skeptically.
Soi Fon seemed slightly hesitant to respond, "your father assigned me to you, and I've been with your family for a while." Rukia looked away from her at hearing this. Desperate to keep the conversation going Rukia continued to ask questions to the quiet woman.
"Did you know I existed?"
"Not until a few months ago, I was your fathers personal bodyguard and I was with him when you were here." Soi Fon was going along with Rukia's curiosity. "He assigned me to you." Rukia's eyebrows rose at that, but she didn't comment. She didn't know how to feel, was she suppose to be happy? It was hard to shake his words from a few short nights ago.
"How old are you?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" Soi Fon asks softly, the hard look had not left her eyes.
"Nothing I guess, it's just nice to talk to someone." Rukia responds just as softly, a light feeling flowing through her, Tohsiro's note put her in a positive mood.
"They said you were detached and would ignore me, I was not expecting twenty questions." Soi Fon responds with a slight quirk to her lips that almost resembled a smile. Rukia thought she seemed amused by her behavior.
"They say you shouldn't believe everything you hear." Rukia flashed Soi Fon an award winning smile at that. She couldn't explain her good mood, but she was feeling as though nothing could bring her down.
"Ah, I have heard that."
Their conversation was ceased by a quick knock, then entrance of Byakuya. Rukia immediately looked away from him, and without a word but a nod of the head, Soi Fon slipped out the door and closed it behind her.
There was tense silence for a few moments until, "Rukia, please do not act like I'm not here."
Rukia turned to look at him but did not speak. Byakuya remained standing by the doorway, and he kept his eyes trained on her. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine." Came her automatic response, she was on edge with him in the room. A moment ago Rukia was feeling great and was even smiling, now the weight of the situation caught up with her. She cut her wrists, her brother found her, she told him she would kill herself and now she was embarrassed. Extremely embarrassed and ashamed. Rukia realized that she regretted more what she said than what she did.
Rukia didn't know how to apologize to him. Where would she even start? No one should have to live what she does besides herself. "You were smiling when I came in here," he points out.
"I like Soi Fon, she is nice." Byakuya raised his eyebrows slightly at that but does not respond.
For a long time they sit in silence, Byakuya sits and stares blankly at the wall, knowing that she is trying at gather her courage to talk about what happened. He waits even longer and it's okay because he is patient. He can see her thinking to herself.
And then finally, "Byakuya… I'm sorry you had to see that." Rukia whispers, without looking at him.
"Not as sorry as I am." Byakuya says tensely, "God, Rukia, what were you thinking?"
"I… I don't know."
"You don't know? When I walked into that bathroom, I thought you were dead!" Byakuya all but yells, "If I wouldn't have shown up when I did, you would be dead!"
Rukia fires back, "That's not true! I would have been fine!"
"Rukia you needed stitches, what makes you so sure?"
Rukia remains quiet at hearing this. "Don't ever scare me like that again Rukia." Byakuya says harshly, "I mean it."
Rukia released a single tear when he said this, "I'll try not to." She knew she couldn't promise him anything; she was prone to making mistakes. "I am sorry."
"I know you are, you always are." It seemed as if Byakuya was done yelling.
Another few moments go by in silence, Byakuya took a seat finally and Rukia sat staring at the wall.
"Where's Hisana?" Rukia asks eventually.
"She is in class, you'll see her later." Rukia noticed that Byakuya continuously checked his watch, as if he was expecting something. He sighed impatiently until suddenly a short knock was heard at the door.
Without waiting for an answer, Isshin Kurosaki entered the room, and like everyone before, closed the door behind him. Rukia was surprised to see him there, as she was expecting he had gone home. However, he looked extremely exhausted with deep bags under his eyes. "Rukia, I'm glad to see you're awake. Has your nurse come by with your medications?"
Rukia let out a deep sigh, "Not yet, I really don't want to take any more tranquilizers, I think I've slept enough."
Isshin tried to choke back a chuckle, "You've always been so smart Rukia. You're in luck, I think your done with the tranquilizers for now. She should just be giving you your normal medications."
"How long have I been here anyway?" Rukia projects the question to both older men in the room.
"You've been here two days." Byakuya responds first.
The happy quirk in his eyes disappeared, as he hunched forward in a much more serious position. "Rukia, there is something your brother and I need to tell you."
Rukia's breath hitched, as it dawned on her what her therapist was doing there. Her heart started beating uncontrollably as she waited for news that could possibly destroy her.
"Calm down, your working yourself up Rukia. It's not as bad as it could have been, actually I would be thankful if I were you."
Rukia sat in silence as she waited for the inevitable. She noticed Byakuya and Isshin sharing a look, before her psychiatrist spoke, "your doctors think it would be best to have you watched for the next seventy-two hours. They want to make sure that this was a one time thing, and not something that has been going on since your release months ago. They also would like to make sure this is not ongoing." A heavy silence filled the room at that.
Rukia remained quiet and looked away from both of the men. She did not cry, but looked frustrated. "I tried everything I could, they wanted you back in Karakura for two weeks, I would say three days is much better, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, I understand, I'm just not happy." Rukia says while looking at the floor.
Byakuya speaks for the first time in minutes, "you have nothing to worry about, just do what they ask and you'll be back home in three days." Rukia nodded, Byakuya was a bit surprised at her rather tame reaction. He was expecting tears. This was very unlike her, Rukia seemed to have a few distinct moods, and this was not something either man was used to seeing.
However, all that was running through Byakuya's mind was how he couldn't seem to forget her words three nights ago, "If they send me back to Karakura, I promise I'll kill myself. I swear it." Her words echoed through his head, and he couldn't stop the worry that he felt.
Just then a nurse entered the room, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but you must leave visiting hours for Mrs. Kuchiki are over." The woman says apologetically.
"Of course, Rukia, we'll see you tomorrow morning before transport." Isshin exits the room without another word. Byakuya comes closer to the bed, and the nurse respectfully gives them a minute of privacy.
Byakuya is quiet for a few moments, "Rukia, three days will go by faster then you know it." Byakuya wondered if he was trying to convince himself or her.
"I know," is all she says as she gives him a fake smile, she was doing a poor job of showing she would be okay.
Byakuya lets out a long sigh, "please don't do anything that would keep you there longer." With that, the older Kuchiki sibling walks out of the room, past the nurse.
Once the nurse was in the room again, she closed the door and approached Rukia. "Alright, sorry sweetie but you remember how strict visiting hours are for people like you?" Rukia's eyebrow twitched at that, 'people like her'?
"Yes, I remember," She says blandly.
"Okay, now lets take those bandages off." The woman began unwrapping the white gauze around her left arm, once she was finished she moved to the right. Once she was finished, she came back with a cup of a few pills. "Just take these and I'll be back in a while with some lunch," and with that the woman was gone as quickly as she came.
Rukia sighed and slowly turned her arms over to look at them. Red jagged lines stared back at her, with a few stitches each. Her old scars were shadowed by her new cuts. She knew that these would scar worse than the others, besides one outlining deep scar on her left arm. It was the lone reminder of when she was fourteen.
Rukia began absentmindedly tracing her new scars with her finger. It stung slightly but she almost welcomed the pain, it was soothing. She suddenly stopped when she realized she could be being watched. That certainly wouldn't have looked good for her.
She didn't know what to think about going back to Karakura Hospital. She was upset, but not in the way she thought she would. A sick feeling wormed into the pit of her stomach; she was going back to the place where she had no control. A place that she hated more than anything on the entire planet.
It's only three days, she kept reminding herself in her head. Three days is not too long, she could manage.
Once again looking at her scars, she realized she would have a hard time hiding them, before she was lucky; her scars blended into her pale skin besides the one on her left arm. Now, she has scars that will be almost impossible to conceal. Rukia wondered what it was going to be like going back home. Would people stare? Would there be reporters following her everywhere? Would they see her cuts?
Rukia quickly began feeling overwhelmed.
XXX
Toshiro was feeling overwhelmed. He was working at the library on campus like he usually does on a weekday, but today it just seemed to drag by, minutes felt like hours. Mainly because people wouldn't leave him alone. If one more person came up to him and asked him if he knew "The Kuchiki girl," then he might just scream. Even if they weren't talking to him, they were staring.
Even the soccer team was giving him a hard time, it was a little ridiculous. They were not as judgmental as the random students on campus, but they still didn't understand. They didn't understand how he could have been dating Rukia for months and basically didn't know a thing about her. He was a little offended, he rationalized that he knew plenty about Rukia.
There was still no success visiting Rukia. Her bodyguard was not letting anyone in that was unnecessary, she said she was only following orders, but Toshiro was understandably frustrated, it was hard standing outside her door, and not being able to go in. He was planning on going back tomorrow morning before class. He was hoping one day he would get lucky and her ever-persistent bodyguard wouldn't be standing outside the door.
It was times like these that he really missed Rukia. It had only been a couple days but it felt like an eternity. She had a way of making him forget about everything and set his focus on her. She did it unintentionally, but he loved it. He loved how he was able to forget his frustration and just live in the moment with Rukia. She was a perfect distraction for him.
"Toshiro?" He heard from behind him as he was stacking books. He turned around prepared to glare at another random person, but was a little surprised to see Hinamori.
"Momo? What are you doing here, shouldn't you be in class?" He asks uncaringly, more as a formality.
"Yeah, but I didn't feel like going today." She says softly, "I saw the news."
Toshiro scoffs slightly, "you and everyone else." He went back to stacking the books with his back to her. He heard her shift her feet and sigh deeply.
"I know. What do you think of all of this?" Hinamori asks curiously. Toshiro almost wanted to tell her to go away, but that really wasn't the type of person he was so he decided to humor her.
"I don't know what to think. I don't know how we're going to handle it when she gets out of the hospital."
"You mean, you want to be with her still?!" Hinamori fires at him loudly, turning a few heads, and getting Toshiro to turn back around. He was a little shocked at her reaction.
"Shh. Of course I am. I'm not going to break up with her just because she has had a hard life." Toshiro says obviously.
"Hard life? Toshiro, she has not had a hard life! She is part of one of the richest families in the world! She's crazy! She-She has mental problems, and she cuts her wrists!" She says frantically, not understanding why Toshiro could possibly want to be with her.
Toshiro clenched his knuckles tight, and flared his nostrils in an attempt to calm his anger. This had been boiling within him all day just waiting for something to tip him over the edge. "Hinamori, I think you should leave."
"No, I wont! I think you're being very pigheaded. Don't you see what you're getting involved with? How embarrassing it must be, to be dating a girl who almost killed herself twice!" Hinamori didn't know when to stop.
If Hinamori was a man, Toshiro resolved he would punch her. Because Hinamori was in fact a girl, he would never do such a thing. No matter how idiotic she was being. "It's because of people like you, that insecure people like Rukia feel the need to harm themselves."
Hinamori looked wounded by him saying that, she didn't even respond, just turned and walked few steps then turned to face him again. "Me and Rukia were friends once. Then I saw the real Rukia. You will too Toshiro." With tears in her eyes, she finally walked out of the building.
Toshiro was still steaming about her comments. He felt no remorse for what he said, she needed to hear it. He didn't like the idea of people walking all over Rukia. She was vulnerable enough and didn't need people to bring her down in that way.
He was a little surprised at himself for how fast he went from shock and anger at Rukia to becoming understanding and accepting. Rukia was a good person and didn't deserve judgment from people who didn't even know her.
XXX
It was early the next day and Rukia was exhausted. She didn't sleep at all; all she could think about was how today was going to go. Maybe around four in the morning did she close her eyes, but was quickly awaken by a nightmare. In her nightmare, she was stuck in Karakura for the rest of her life. Then her sleep deprived mind got to thinking, what if they were telling her three days just to keep her calm? What if that wasn't the plan at all?
She shook her head to rid the thoughts from her mind. She couldn't think like that. She had to have trust. Trust in her brother, and trust in her therapist.
It was seven in morning when Soi Fon walked in with a clothing bag in her hand. Just like the last time Rukia saw her, she was dressed in all black. She gave a nod to Rukia, and Rukia returned it with a fake smile. "Hisana prepared this outfit for you." Soi Fon seemed to notice her questioning glance, "you don't want to go out in front of those cameras looking anything but your best. They're ruthless; they would eat you up if they saw the way you looked right now. You need a shower."
Rukia gave her an award-winning smile, "thanks."
"For what?" Soi Fon was good at hiding emotion, but Rukia could detect the curiosity in her voice. It seemed Soi Fon wasn't used to the strange behavior of Rukia quite yet.
"For being honest." Rukia liked her. She really appreciated that she didn't pity her, that she treated her like she would anyone else.
Soi Fon left corner of her mouth lifted a little. Almost a smile. She checked her watch to hide her show of emotion. "You need to shower, we're running behind."
Rukia nodded and stood making her way to the bathroom. She sighed when she realized the conditions in which she would have to shower. In the mental ward of the hospital she was in, they didn't have doors on the bathrooms, just curtains.
She was unhappy with it, but tried to make the most of the situation. She quickly showered and was out and dressed all in a matter of minutes. Soi Fon had her dressed in a button down shirt pared with high waisted shorts that toned down the formalness of the outfit. "Why so fancy?" Rukia asks while squeezing into her ballerina flats.
"You should be prepared to answer questions from the reporters."
"What? No, I'm not doing that, I-I don't know what to say," Rukia says frantically. Soi Fon noticed she was getting very panicky, the bodyguard didn't really know what to do in this situation. Her usual clients were high up Kuchiki executives and her father, both of which tended to ignore her.
"Calm down, you don't have to do anything you don't want." Soi Fon does her best to ease her mind. In telling Rukia this, she was blatantly ignoring what her father told her to do. Rukia's father wanted her to speak to the reporters, wanted her to talk up the Kuchiki name and dispel any rumors of bad blood between the family. Soi Fon was usually one to follow orders to the letter, but it was obvious to her that Rukia was not ready, and trying to force something like that on her was cruel. Soi Fon decided she liked Rukia better, and would do what was in her best interest; despite he is the one who gives her a rather large paycheck.
Rukia doesn't speak just reaches for her make-up bag that Soi Fon provided. She started by putting on powder and blush with shaky hands. She moved to begin applying eyeliner, but decided her pencil needed sharpened. She became confused when she couldn't find her sharpener; actually she usually carried two with her.
"Anything sharp was confiscated." Soi Fon says as if picking up on Rukia's confusion.
"Right," Rukia says exasperated, of course she had been through this all before, she just simply had to make due with her nub of an eyeliner pencil.
After finishing her makeup and styling her hair, Rukia was ready to go. Soi Fon nodded in approval, commenting that she looked very put together. Rukia knew she was just saying it to be supportive, which she appreciated.
"I suggest you wear sunglasses." She says while pulling a designer pair out of her bag.
"Why?"
"Because you look like you're going to cry." Soi Fon says, "I've found that everything works out better if you appear emotionless."
Rukia smiled and took her offered sunglasses, "thanks."
"Are you ready?" Soi Fon asks.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
Soi Fon nods and they make their way to the door. Once out of the room, the nurse from before approaches them. "See you next time Rukia." She says in a way that seems friendly, but her face told another story.
"Hopefully not," Rukia says under her breath, and Soi Fon urges her away from the woman with a hand to her shoulder, they make their way down the hall to the elevator.
"Your brother and Isshin Kurosaki are waiting downstairs for you." Soi Fon says as they wait on the slow elevator. Rukia nods to show she heard her but didn't vocalize her feelings towards that.
The light above the elevator dinged, signaling that it was quickly approaching. Butterflies exploded in her stomach, and she closed her eyes to try and rid her nervousness away. The doors began to open and Rukia couldn't believe her eyes. She gasped and blinked multiple times, thinking she was in the middle of a hallucination.
Because there was no way that Toshiro Hitsugaya was on the other side of the elevator.
"Rukia!" They were both shocked, neither had moved and the elevator doors started closing again, Toshiro quickly moves and steps to the other side of the door.
Before they had a chance to say anything to the other Soi Fon injected, "Rukia, I was given strict orders not to let you see anyone, and we're running behind." Soi Fon was silenced by the look Rukia was giving her. It was pleading and upset, the bodyguard sighed, showing her sensitive side she reluctantly agreed, "two minutes." Rukia gave her a large smile, and stepped away with Toshiro. Soi Fon gave them some privacy but was still close enough to see everything Rukia was doing.
Seeing that Rukia wasn't going to say anything first, Toshiro started the conversation. "You look good," he says. He was standing a few feet away, but took a few steps closer.
"So do you," she noticed he was dressed in a button down shirt like her, and shorts. He looked amazing as ever. "I'm sorry, for well… everything." She says quietly and looks away from his probing eyes. Toshiro had a way of being able to see right through her.
Toshiro gets right to the point, knowing that their time was limited. "We have a lot to talk about, but I don't want to give up on us." Rukia looks up into his eyes immediately, shocked.
"You don't?" She whispers in surprise, Rukia couldn't explain the feelings that were rushing through her, if she had to put a name to it, she would call it happiness.
"Of course not! Didn't you read my message?" Rukia nodded with a smile on her face. Out of the corner of his eye, Toshiro noticed Soi Fon checking her watch and realized he was running out of time. "What'll happen now?"
Rukia didn't want to tell him, but knew she had to, "I'm going to the hospital for a few days just for… evaluation." Rukia looked away as she said this, and felt her face warm from embarrassment. This was a strange situation for her, she wasn't used to these sorts of feelings.
Knowing she didn't want to elaborate, he avoided the main questions on his mind, and went with something a little tamer, "will I be able to see you?"
"I doubt it. They don't like me having visitors, now more than ever I would say." Rukia didn't know if she would like having Toshiro seeing her there anyway. It would be uncomfortable; he would see her in the all white outfit, in the all white room. It would probably reinforce the stereotype he most likely already believes.
"A few days? I guess I can wait a few more days." He says quietly knowing their time was up and Rukia's bodyguard was standing behind them. He steps in closer and wraps his arms around her, "Rukia please, please don't do anything stupid. I'll see you as soon as you're out."
Rukia was disappointed when he pulled back from their hug; she unwrapped her arms from him, and placed one on his bicep. "I promise I won't."
Toshiro couldn't help but look down at her arm, where her sleeves were rolled up. She noticed his sudden grim facial expression, and followed his line of sight. She quickly pulled her arm back. "Rukia…"
She cut him off, not wanting to hear what he had to say, "I'm fine."
Soi Fon seemed to notice the situation, and cut in. "Alright it's time to leave. You're brother is waiting." The bodyguard directs Rukia away from Toshiro with a hand to the shoulder, and pushes her into the waiting elevator. Not allowing Toshiro to enter with them.
Rukia notices Tohsiro's facial expression, and her nerves are settled. He isn't disgusted by her cuts, just worried. The doors close, and the last thing Rukia sees from him is a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
She offered a smile in return, and the elevator is then on it's way down.
"Thanks," Rukia says to her newly acquired bodyguard.
"I figured that was a good time to cut in." She says almost awkwardly, "He seems… nice. Boyfriend?"
"No. I'm not sure what he is," Rukia says slowly, "but he is something, and I guess that's all that really matters."
For the first time, Rukia notices a real smile on Soi Fon's face, even though it only lasted for half a second, it was there. A few moments go by in silence, before Soi Fon turns to Rukia, "we need to fix this." She points towards Rukia's rolled up sleeves, which exposed her cuts. "It may be uncomfortable, but trust me, if you don't it will be plastered on every station at prime time tonight."
Rukia doesn't comment, but simply allows the older women to reach down and unroll the sleeves. She does it gently which surprises Rukia because she doesn't seem like the type to ever be gentle. She is grateful that Soi Fon doesn't comment on the cuts, or even stare at them.
"What are they going to ask me?" Rukia realizes the situation and butterflies return to her stomach.
"It's hard to be certain, but what I would assume is that they will want to know about your family relationship." Soi Fon turns and looks at Rukia head on with eye contact, "you need to lie."
Rukia face contorts with surprise, "Lie?"
"Yes, I've been with your family for a few years now, and I know it's anything but functional, if it were we wouldn't be in this situation. But to save yourself, trust me, it's in your best interest to play it off. Tell the media what they want to hear, if you don't they will stop at nothing to get a story; they're ruthless if you couldn't tell already. The faster this story becomes 'boring' the sooner it will be out of the spot light."
Her bodyguard's words made sense. She almost didn't want to lie, no matter the consequences. What she was going to do was a favor to her father; even she was smart enough to realize that. Why not make him look like the ass that he was? The simple answer was that she couldn't do it. She knew the man he used to be. The one that loved her.
Rukia squeezed her eyes shut to try and force away the tears, and it worked. The next second she opened them and Soi Fon was guiding her out of the elevator. True to her word, Byakuya and Isshin were waiting for her in the lobby. Surprisingly, so was Hisana. But Rukia wasn't focused on them, no her eyes were attracted to the crowds of people waiting outside the glass doors, all with cameras and microphones. They were chatting amongst themselves and thankfully couldn't see inside far enough to see Rukia yet.
Suddenly Rukia is engulfed in a hug from Hisana, "Rukia I've missed you." It wasn't a long lived hug, but it made Rukia feel a little warmer inside knowing Hisana was still not upset with her.
"Rukia, these people are going to ask you questions, it's entirely up to you if you want to respond." Byakuya says with a tight face, seemingly uncomfortable with what they're about to experience.
"I think I can do it."
"Good! That's the spirit. Okay we should be going, they're expecting you at Karakura soon, don't want to be late!" Isshin says with a smile. Rukia knew that he was here because she needed to be 'supervised.'
They began walking towards the door, and they spot her coming out. Byakuya is on one side of her with Soi Fon on the other. Taking her advice, Rukia slips on the sunglasses thankful that it was a sunny day.
"Rukia!"
"What's it like to be in the spotlight after years of being unknown?"
"Where are you headed?"
Rukia knew to ignore these questions, and was making her way to the car with the others, of course Soi Fon was by her side still, and she noticed they were asking Byakuya similar questions. He seemed to know exactly what to say, and was very poised in his answers.
Finally someone asked the right question, "Mrs. Kuchiki! What's it like growing up in a family that's embarrassed about you?"
Rukia paused for a moment; not knowing if she could actually go through with this, but felt Soi Fon put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Anyone else looking would say that it was there to urge her along, but she knew better. With that, she felt some of her nerves leave. How hard was lying anyway?
"I don't know what you're talking about. My family loves me. Of course, it was hard growing up with out a mother for most of my life, but my father and brother have been amazing and very supportive. It was my decision to remain a secret, I really wanted to focus on getting better." It was almost traitorous hearing the words come out of her mouth, but she knew what she was doing was for the better.
"You say your family has been supportive, but what about the incident with your brother when you were younger?" Rukia was blindsided, she had no idea what to say, and she wasn't prepared for this.
She tried to be vague, "it was an misunderstanding, and we've moved past it." Rukia didn't know if that was the right thing to say or not, but she was happy when he moved subjects.
"Was it also a misunderstanding when you've tried to kill yourself twice now?"
The air was forced out of her lungs at his question, as soon as he asked this Soi Fon jumped in and urged her along, "no more questions." There was the hard steely voice that Rukia had heard her use on a few occasions.
Still Rukia felt like she was in shock. They thought she tried to kill herself? But she didn't! …Did she? They stepped into the back seat of the limo, all looked on at Rukia who was panicking.
Everyone thought she was trying to kill herself again. I wasn't! I don't think I was, I just wanted the pain to stop, I've done it so many times, I just didn't think about it like that. I mean I guess I could've died but… there wasn't anything else to add.
"Rukia? Rukia?" She was forced out of her subconscious with the feeling of someone talking very loudly.
She looked up into the eyes of her therapist who was sitting right in front of her, "just calm down, you're fine, everything's okay." Isshin grasped her hand and modeled deep breathing, which prompted Rukia to do the same. "Okay?"
"Okay," Rukia said, she continued her deep breathes, which did, in fact, have a nice calming effect. She looked over to her brother and Hisana who were both looking at her, and Rukia felt her cheeks warm once again. She again embarrassed herself. She turned her head in Soi Fon's direction and noticed the women wasn't watching, but instead her attention was focused on a tablet or PDA like device in her lap.
"Did I say anything wrong?" Isshin moved from his position in front of her to next to her on the seat when she directed the question to her bodyguard.
Soi Fon looked up from her device, "no, you did well." She left it at that, and the rest of the car ride was in silence.
Not but 10 minutes later they arrived outside the tall building that Rukia had come to hate so much. The driver parked right outside the front, and luckily the reporters didn't seem to have followed them.
Rukia didn't know what to think about being back, of course she was unhappy but she hadn't yet allowed herself to truly process what being back was going to be like. No privacy. Nobody to talk to. Absolute control.
Rukia took a deep breath. Now was not the time to think these things. She would have 72 hours to dwell on the current situation.
Byakuya held the glass door open for her as she crossed the threshold. She paused in the lobby waiting for the others to catch up. She looked around the lobby and it was the same as she remembered from a few months back. Nothing special about it. Rukia took a few deep breaths once more and suddenly wished Toshiro was there. If he was there she knew that she wouldn't be so nervous.
"Are you alright?" Byakuya asks softly next to her, and Rukia notices out of the corner of her eye that Dr. Kurosaki was checking her in at the front desk.
"For now," she replies cryptically. He doesn't respond to that, knowing that she doesn't want him to. Besides, Dr. Kurosaki was on his way over to the two of them.
"Alright they're ready for you," says Isshin, "are you ready?"
"No, but I don't really have a choice do I?" With that, Rukia, Byakuya, and Isshin entered through the large security door. The others would have to wait in the lobby.
It was in that moment, of nervousness and dread, that Rukia Kuchiki promised herself that she would never again be admitted to this hospital. She was going to get better.
Thanks for reading, like always I do appreciate it. I wanted to thank all of you for reviewing, it really makes me happy. I also wanted to ask you to keep reviewing!