Warhammer 40K

Soloman the Blood God

By typicalteenager.

Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own 40K, the characters etc.

Important: 1) This is only my second ever fanfic, so it may not be that good.

2) Thoughts are in Italic.

3) Book entries, letters etc. are in Bold Italic.

Well, here we go!

Chapter 13: Two daemonettes, one Blood God

It took about a minute for Slaanesh to stop squealing from the shock, and to get her breath back. When she finally did, she muttered, clutching at her nose "Well sweetheart, I'm glad to see you're beginning to fit into your role." Her face clearly showed that she was still in shock.

Soloman was still surprised himself. Then he realised he was still standing with his axe a millimetre from her face. Tossing it aside, he reached down, wrapped his arms around Slaanesh's waist, and picked her up onto her feet, all the time wittering "I'm am so sorry, so sorry, very, very, very, sorry...." Eventually, when he put her on her feet, he asked "Can I do anything about your nose?"

"Well, if you want to help heal it...." she replied, an unusual look on what part of her face she didn't have covered by one hand, "You can give me a kiss."

"What!?!? Seriously?"

"Seriously. And not a pathetic one on the cheek sweetheart: a proper one on the lips."

Her face had become set in a serious expression, so with a groan Soloman leaned forwards and gave her a kiss.

Since he hadn't kissed her on her lips or received a kiss from her on his lips, he was unprepared for what happened next. It felt as if all his aches and pains, anger, worries: all of it simply melted away, to be replaced by a massive wave of pleasure. At the same time, his head was filled with dozens of visions- all of them involving him and Slaanesh together for all eternity, happy, at peace, without a care in the world. He could easily stay here forever.......

Except....

If I'm a Chaos God, and I have a number of powers shared by all Chaos Gods, shouldn't Slaanesh be able to heal her nose?

Soloman forced himself to pull away his lips from Slaanesh's, who was now clearly with a fully formed undamaged nose and a smug look on her face, confirming what Soloman had just come to suspect.

"You totally made up that request just so that you could get a kiss off me didn't you?"

The smug look further increased. "What do you think, sweetheart?"

Soloman rolled his eyes, exasperated.

It was at this point that a weak moan from by the doors reminded them of the currently unconscious assassin. The two of them went over to where the daemon lay, knelt down beside it, and removed the coat.

The daemon was in fact a daemonette. Her physique was very similar to Slaanesh's: beautifully sculpted features, an hourglass figure, long hair that flowed like water down her neck and back, and a pair of rounded bosoms- along with the two purple horns curving out from her forehead that had always been visible. Her clothing, now that the trench-coat had been removed, was a white polo shirt, a blue mini-skirt so short you could make out the very edge of her black knickers, and red high heels. Her hair, lips and skin were all purple in colour, her eyes were jade green, and her face, while smooth and healthy, naturally looked older, matured, yet still beautiful.

Slaanesh gave a gasp of shock. "By Nurgle's bile! It's Zeena!"

This of course meant nothing to Soloman. "Who?"

"Zeena: Tzeentch's wife!"

"Oh" was Soloman's response, unsure what else to say. Then a thought occurred to him. "Um, Slaanesh-"

"Zeena.... why is she here?"

"Slaanesh-"

"What would bring Zeena out of her husband's city?"

"Hey Slaanesh, can we focus here: this woman, or daemonette, or whatever, tried to kill me about 5 minutes before you showed up out of nowhere."

Slaanesh was clearly astonished "What? Why would Zeena want to kill you?"

"How should I know: that's the question I was about to ask you."

Before either of them could give an answer, another moan and now some movement showed that Zeena was regaining consciousness. The Blood God and Goddess of Pleasure watched cautiously, ready to make their move if Zeena decided to have another go at killing Soloman.

Sitting up, Zeena rubbed her head, and glanced about. "What's going on? Where am I?" Then she spotted Slaanesh. "Slaanesh? What's happening?"

Slaanesh looked slightly confused. "Don't you remember?"

Zeena closed her eyes, then after a moment, answered "The last thing I remember.... was heading out of the palace: I.... I think my husband sent me to..... to kill someone."

"Well, yeah, you did... sort of," Slaanesh responded looking slightly tentative, as if expecting Zeena to renew that assassination at any moment. "You tried to kill Soloman here, only since he's a Chaos God he has the near-invulnerability we all possess, despite his human origins."

At this, Zeena turned at looked at Soloman for the first time. She looked him up, then down, then back up, then down again for a few seconds, and he face slowly turned into a smile that instantly set off alarm bells in Soloman's head.

"Oh, contraire Slaanesh: I could never kill this young man," Zeena said, her smile growing broader, and placing one hand on Soloman's chest as if to check that the muscles were real. "He's too handsome."

Soloman's response to this was to moan with despair "Oh God-Emperor, not another flirter." First Slaanesh, now Tzeentch's wife. He clutched his temples and let out a sigh.

Slaanesh's response was rather different. "Handsome, Zeena?" she asked gingerly. "Well, I suppose you could call him that...."

"What do you mean 'could'?" said Zeena, her voice low and sensuous, now running her hand over his arm. "He's a gorgeous hunk".

At this, Slaanesh reached out and pulled Zeena's hand away. "Well, that's enough of that Zeena" she said rather curtly.

Zeena glanced at Slaanesh in confusion for a moment, and then an amused look spread across her face as she put two and two together. "Whatever is the matter Slaanesh? Worried I might get this young stallion of a man while you don't?"

Slaanesh snorted, and rose back to her full height. "Zeena, please: I'm younger, healthier, and not married. I think I'll win over you every time."

Zeena's face rapidly went from amused to thunderous. She clambered to her feet as well. "Young lady, you might be younger and healthier, but I'm still young and healthy myself. Anyway, he might want someone more.... experienced."

Slaanesh barked a laugh. "More experienced? Zeena, you're the wife of Tzeentch: what experience?"

But this was evidently a step too far, for Zeena's face went red, and screeched "HOW DARE YOU!!!" as she slapped Slaanesh very hard, not unlike how Slaanesh herself had slapped Nurgle for a similar insult earlier.

Soloman stood up at this point too. "Um, ladies, may I-"

But Slaanesh interrupted by returning the slap to Zeena. "DON'T YOU DARE RAISE YOUR HAND TO ME, YOU OLD CRONE!!!"

Zeena's response was to deliver a smack across the back of Slaanesh's head, howling "OH, INSULTS: THAT'S REALLY MATURE, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE GIRL!!! YOU THINK YOU CAN HURT ME!!! YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT MEN LIKE ME MORE THAN YOU!!!"

"OH, SO NOW IT'S ONTO MEN, IS IT GRANDMA!!!"

Soloman was groaning with despair. He was beginning to firmly believe that there was a Chaos God of torment and mischief hidden somewhere, deliberately screwing with him to make his new immortal life as horrible as possible. In addition to all the crap earlier today, he now had a second daemonette flirting with him, and now both of those daemonettes were about to start ripping each other apart. After all, the saying 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' existed for a reason.

"Ladies..... Ladies....." he cried desperately to no avail. "Ladies please, there's no need-"

But they were clearly not paying attention: they'd forgotten he was there.

Now getting desperately, Soloman began to call out into thin air "Help! Someone help me! I'd really appreciate it right about now!"

And as if in response, there was a flash of purple light, and the room was suddenly drowned in the scent of Lily of the Valley perfume, as a human-looking daemon appeared on the spot.

"Hello? Who keeps shouting? I'm trying to get my beauty slee- oh it's you beef-cake."

Never before had Soloman been happy to see a man covered in fluorescent pink.

"Mortraz! God-Emperor be praised! I could almost hug you right now- except that I won't, but you know what I'm trying to say- but anyway, I need you to help me right now, before this fight starts!"

"What fight?" queried the daemon, and then he spotted Zeena and Slaanesh still on the verge of battle, both apparently oblivious to Mortraz's arrival.

Mortraz burst out into a soft, rolling laugh.

"Mortraz? Mortraz! Laughing isn't going to help-" Soloman began, but was interrupted by being enveloped in a puff of smoke, and found himself seated in a plush armchair with a pot of popcorn in his lap, with Mortraz in a second armchair, also with popcorn, a dirty great grin plastered over his face.

"Mortraz, what on Terra are you doing?"

Mortraz turned his head to Soloman, his mouth full of popcorn. "Beef-cake, I'm going to sit back and watch, and I recommend you do the same. You're about to witness something most daemons consider the greatest thing that could possibly happen to a daemon........."

"...........Two beautiful daemonettes fighting over you."

Typicalteenager: Oh snap! Potential chick-fight alert: The young and healthy Slaanesh vs. The mature and experienced Zeena! Place your bets people!

Anyway, that's all for now: see you all for Chapter 14!