AN: And here ladies and gentlemen is Chapter 12. A lot of people have been looking forward to Puckerman's return and so here he is. It's kept me up for nights so I hope you enjoy it. Oh and Micky3y92 I had every intention of killing Kurt but you waxed poetic and changed my mind. I hope you don't get mad about what happens to him though.
Chapter 12
*Puck*
Planning how to kill the DA is one thing. You've been thinking about how you would do that for a long time, but when you have to factor in that her sister is a Judge and you have to find a way to kill her too, it makes it a whole different ballgame. Especially since you have to make it look like it's an accident. Which is your specialty but still, you need this to be perfect. Dispose of them together or separately? That's your biggest question and you're a little short on the answer at the moment. When it comes to these things, you can't help but get a little sentimental. People who love each other shouldn't die apart right? The constant distractions don't help either. Schue hasn't said anything about it and you're thankful for that because you don't work well with deadlines, plus a car crash has to be carefully thought out and executed. You're thinking about how you're going to pull this off without your usual team when the phone starts ringing. Who the hell is calling you at 9AM on a Sunday? It takes you a second to find it but when you do, you feel a lot better about the interruption,
"Well, well, well ... It's been a long time Kitty." You say in greeting
"That it has Puck," comes her monotone reply, "I trust that stupid Mohawk on your head made it through the night yet again."
"That's funny. I don't recall you thinking that it was so stupid when you used to spend the night with it." you reply with a smug grin.
"Can we not discuss my mistakes at 9AM?" she says trying her best to sound annoyed, but you can always hear the hint of a smile in her voice.
"It's whatever you want Kit, you know that." Is all you can say.
And it really is. You miss her. You miss what you used to have until of course you had to go and screw it up. Now she's marrying that damn Abrams guy and you can't do anything about it because if he ends up dead she'll know it was you.
"I miss you too Noah," she says barely audibly and you both stay silent for a minute and reminisce before she continues,
"But I didn't call to talk about us. I called because I have some news that I thought you might want to hear."
That gets you to sit up straight.
"Ok, spill. What is it?"
"Your favourite DA and her Judge sister both have personal assistants now."
You give the phone a confused look but then you remember that she can't see you, so you verbalise,
"What do you mean personal assistants? I didn't hear about that."
"That's because nobody really knows. I mean they're around but they're not around."
"So how did you find out?"
"You keep forgetting that I'm Kitty Wilde," she says through a laugh, "I find out everything."
True.
"Are these personal assistants military? Or are they really personal assistants?"
"I'm not too sure on that one yet. They've showed no signs of being military so far, Quinn's own even talked back to me."
"Really? I'm shocked," you sarcastically respond, "And the other one?"
"She didn't say a word. She just stood next to Brittany and smiled the entire time. It was kind of weird."
"Hmmmm"
"What are you thinking?" she asks after you've been quiet for awhile.
"I'm thinking that I need to know just how personal these personal assistants are."
"You mean like if they're lovers or something?"
"Yeah, exactly."
"But why would it matter if they're sleeping together or not?"
"Because love interests make it all the more sweet."
"So what are you gonna do about it?"
"I'm not sure yet, but I'll definitely have to hold off on killing them both till I figure it out."
"Ugh! I want them dead Puckerman!"
"And they will be. Calm down. You're starting to sound like Schue."
"How is my darling Uncle anyway?" she asks in a tone that lets you know that she doesn't really care.
"Like you care." You respond.
"True I don't, so let's switch tactics," you hear her say something to Artie before she continues, "What about Karofsky?"
"What about him?"
"Are you still going to kill Kurt?"
"I was but I need Karofsky to still feel like he has something to lose and if I kill his sweetheart he may not want to be too cooperative anymore."
"So you're not going to do anything?"
"Well I didn't say that."
"Why are you are so infuriating! Just tell me already."
"Ok, ok. Calm down. Me, Jake and Sam are going to be paying our respects to their house at our little visit later on."
"You're carrying your little brother with you?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Because he's still in high school Noah."
"Look he wanted into this business so he needs to properly learn how to beat the crap out of somebody."
"And whose ass exactly are you going to kick? Karofsky's or Kurt's?
"I may slap Karofsky around a little bit but we're after Kurt. That should provide David with the right amount of motivation needed to stop being a dick head lawyer don't you think?"
"So I do," she says before taking a breath, "I really do miss the days when we would plot revenge on your couch with nothing but a bowl of popcorn between us and a case of Bud Light."
You can't stop the smile from forming on your face.
"Those were good times huh?"
"The best of times actually."... "Anyway, I should probably go. I know you like to hit the gym before you hit people so, have fun. Be sure to give David my love."
"Can I call you later to tell you what he says?"
"It's whatever you want Noah, you know that."
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
"Bye Kit." You say smile evident.
"Bye."
And with that she's gone. You never believed in the whole 'one that got away' thing but that's exactly what it feels like every time you say goodbye to her. Love interests really do make it sweeter, but they also make it a lot more painful.
It is now 6 o'clock on a Sunday evening and you would rather be at home watching the Raiders kick the Cowboys ass but instead you're in Karofsky's house with blood that is not yours all over your hand. You can't even remember when you shifted from directing your expert right hooks at Karofsky's face and started on Kurt's but as your fist connects with his face yet again, David starts begging you to,
"STOP! Please! For God's sake stop hitting him!"
You're pretty sure that there are now tears in his eyes but whatever, this is what you do. You went all the way to the gym to get pumped up for this, so with a smirk in Karofsky's direction, you give Kurt one last punch and then a solid kick to his stomach for good measure. The noise that he makes when he hits the ground should make you cringe but you've been doing this a long time. It's been years since you last cared about other people's pain.
"I think I just broke some of his ribs." You say walking over to the couch and sitting right next to a tied up Karofsky.
"You're a fucking monster!" He spits with enough venom to make you just a little bit glad that his hands aren't free.
"I am a fucking monster, but I didn't come here to talk about my sex life with you Karofsky. We don't have that in common."
"I'm going to kill you for what you've done to Kurt."
"Kill me? Oh no David, that's not how this works." You say wiping the blood from off of your hand onto his shirt.
"Here's your gun." Sam says walking over and handing you a 9mm.
"Thank you Sam," you say taking it and flipping the safety catch off. You're definitely in the mood to 'accidentally' fire it at someone.
"You see Karofsky I'm the one with the gun and I'm the one who kills people for a living. I'm also the one that's gonna put a bullet through your boyfriends head and then your own if you don't do exactly what the fuck I want."
"Fuck you Noah."
You smack him across the face with the butt of the gun before you respond,
"I'd watch my mouth if I were you David, unless of course you wanna eat bullets for dinner. I'll be more than happy to feed you my gun."
"You won't kill me, you need me."
"See that's where you've got it all wrong. I don't need you, I want you. Needs and wants are very different my friend. You see needs are assets and wants are liabilities. You're a liability."
"Then why don't you just kill me and get it over with?"
"Because Kurt over there isn't ready I'm sure to become a widow, although it looks like you might."
"You leave him out of this!"
"Or else what?" you ask placing the gun to his forehead, "I thought we already established that the Jew doesn't die in this movie."
"What do you want?"
"Good boy Karofsky. Very good boy," You say with a smirk before getting off the couch,
"I don't want you to, I need you to find a way to get Blaine and Sebastian out on bail. You see Blaine's my wingman because he's fucking crazy and he likes to shoot everything that moves, and Sebastian is my marksman because even in the dark he can put a bullet straight through your head. I need them in order to properly kill the DA and the Judge. You do that and I'm thinking that I won't kill you until next year."
"How do you expect me to do that? He's been denied bail twice already! You think that miraculously the next time's going to be different?"
"That's why I came here to give you some motivation buddy," you say as you point the gun in Kurt's direction, "Make sure that the third time's a charm, because if not the next time I visit it'll be to pull the trigger and I'm not a one bullet kind of guy."
"I'll figure it out ok, I'll figure out. Just please, untie me and let me take him to the hospital. Please."
There was a time when you would've been moved by that plea but that time has passed. You're about to tell David that before Jake touches your arm lightly and Sam goes over to untie him. You watch as he scrambles across to Kurt and lifts him with a gentle strength that only comes from needing to help someone you love. He's on his way to the door when you suddenly remember,
"Oh and David, Judge Wilde sends her love."
"Tell her to go fuck herself." Is his response before he's out the door with Kurt curled up in his arms.
"Will do."
Jake and Sam start telling you that they thought you were too harsh but all you can honestly hear is blah, blah, blah. David really needs to get Blaine and Sebastian out of jail. Because these two pussies are annoying.
It's 8 o'clock when you get back home. After a shower and a quick phone call to Schue, you decide to call Kitty. It's not that late and it's not like she has to go to work tomorrow anyway. It rings twice before she picks up,
"I've been waiting." She says in greeting
"I've been busy." You reply back.
"You're always busy."
"Is that why you didn't want to wait anymore?"
You hear her audibly sigh before she responds,
"I waited for you as long as I could."
"Did you really? Because two months later you were all 'I love Artie Abrams on Facebook." you say with a hard edge to your voice. It's been a long day.
"Yes I did really. God Noah, don't act like I'm the one that left you." She bites out.
"I left you for your own good."
"That's bullshit and you know it."
"How is that bullshit Kitty?"
"If you really left me for my own good, then why can't you leave me alone? Why do you keep calling me and reminding that you exist? Is it because you want me to leave him for you?"
"I don't know."
"You do know. You're just doing what you always do."
"And what's that?"
"Run."
"It shouldn't matter to you anymore what I do if you're getting married."
"Why are you doing this Noah? I thought we got past all of this. I thought we were friends."
"Look I just called you to let you know what Karofsky said."
You hear her sigh again.
"And what's that?" she asks
"He said that you could go fuck yourself.
"Why does it sound like you're hoping the same thing?" she asks and you can hear the pain in her voice.
This is not at all how you expected this conversation to go.
"I would never hope that for you."
"Then what do you hope for me Noah? Tell me."
"I can't talk about this right now Kit. I gotta go."
"Of course you do, you always do. But before you go, here's a word of advice. Loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things Noah. I just thought you should know that."
That's the last thing she says before she hangs up and leaves you with nothing but her voice in your head. It's hits you as ironic that it's the same exact thing that your ex-girlfiend when you broke up with her. She loved you something fierce and you've never admitted it but you loved her too, hell you still do. You've always been convinced that Kitty's the one that got away but now you're not so sure. Sometimes you wonder if she did come back what would happen to your feelings for Kitty. Would they still be as strong as they are now? She may not be yours anymore but your feelings have always remained the same. You don't think that it'll ever change. David better get Sebastian and Blaine out on bail, and quickly because you have the overwhelming urge to kill something, or someone. When did everything become so complicated?
*Karofsky*
Noah Puckerman must die. You've been sitting in the emergency room for hours just waiting to make sure that Kurt's ok. When the doctor came out to tell you about his injuries you couldn't help but fall apart right there on the floor. Most importantly were the broken ribs that tore some stuff and caused severe internal bleeding. They rushed him into surgery but with his added concussion, broken wrist and fractured jaw they couldn't say when he would be out or when he would wake up. The nurse had questioned you about how all of this had happened when she was stitching up your eyebrow and lip but you couldn't risk telling her the truth. You know that Schue has friends on the police force and that Puck wouldn't hesitate to send you back home to Florida in a body bag.
"David Karofsky?" a nurse walks into the waiting room and calls with a thick southern accent.
"Over here," you say standing up and making quick of the several steps to get to her, "Is Kurt ok?"
"It was touch and go for awhile, but he's gonna be fine." She says rubbing your hands lightly.
"Oh thank God. Is he awake? Can I see him?"
"Not yet sweetheart, he's in the Intensive Care Unit. The doctors want to observe him for a while longer before you're allowed to go on in."
"And when will that be?"
"Probably sometime tomorrow."
"Will you call me? Please. I just really need to be there when he wakes up."
"I will as soon as that little angel opens his eyes. You should go home and rest. You sure look like you could use some yourself."
And with that she's off back through the doors and you're left alone with your thoughts for a long moment. You can't go home, not right now. There's just no way. You know what you have to do but you're going to need a little liquid courage first. On second thought, make that a lot of liquid courage. Now where's the closest bar?
*Santana*
It's Sunday, it's 11 o'clock and everyone is wide awake in La Case de Pierces. You all slept in till pretty late this morning thanks to last nights karaoke field trip. Of course Rachel got too drunk to keep her promise and ended up singing Don't Rain On My Parade. As if you both doing Beautiful Liar wasn't bad enough. Quinn floored you with her rendition of Taylor Swift's State of Grace but it was Brittany singing Young & Beautiful by Lana Del Rey that took your breath away. You don't even think your rendition of 1+1 by Beyonce could match up to that. Well, maybe it could. After lazing around for the entire day getting over your respective hangovers, you all went to dinner at a little Italian restaurant and then for ice cream at your favourite spot. This time you and Rachel got Quinn and Brittany to try the flavours that you suggested. It is an absolute crime that not everyone loves sorbets. Especially lemon sorbets. What's not to love about lemon sorbets? You'll never understand it. Now you're sitting on the floor, back against the couch with Brittany sitting in between your legs and leaning into you while you watch the Rizzoli and Isles marathon. Quinn and Rachel were watching it too until Rachel got bored and decided that she would rather watch Quinn. That led to them making out excessively and now you're pretty sure that Rachel's hand is somewhere inside Quinn's shirt. You're about to tell them to take it up to Quinn's bedroom when there's a ring of the doorbell, followed by a knock of the door. You feel the temperature in the living room change as both Quinn and Brittany go rigid. The only light on in the entire house is coming from the television but it's enough to see their faces, and they do not look at all calm.
"Is anyone expecting anyone?" Rachel asks but you're not surprised when neither of them answers.
You give Rachel a look before turning your attention to the blonde wrapped in your arms and holding on for dear life.
"Brittany, baby look at me."
There's another ring of the doorbell followed by a more forceful knock. She shuts her eyes tightly and you can see that Quinn is doing pretty much the same thing with Rachel, who gives you the same look before she turns her attention to the blonde wrapped in her arms,
"Quinn, honey Santana and I are going to go see who's at the door ok?" Rachel says again to no response, "Why don't you and Brittany go upstairs and lock the door."
What is it about knocks on the door that freaks them out so much? You give Brittany a kiss on the forehead before standing up and following Rachel into the foyer.
"Who the hell could that be?" you ask
"I have not a clue so I'm going in with my gun out." She says flicking the safety catch off of her Desert Eagle.
"When did you get a Desert Eagle?" you whisper as you get closer to the door.
"I didn't," she whispers through a smile, "It's yours."
You're about to give her the third degree when you hear the voice on the other side of the door speak.
"Judge Fabray open up please. I know you and the DA are in there."
What the fuck is Karofsky doing here? At 11:30 freaking PM?
"What the fuck is he doing here?" Rachel asks clearly confused.
"I'm wondering the same thing Rach."
"You think we should open it?"
"Only if I get to kick his ass."
"If he deserves it, I won't stand in your way."
"You got my back Berry?"
"Always Lopez."
*Rachel*
"It's been a minute Santana. Why isn't he awake yet?"
"Oh I don't know Rachel, maybe because I drop kicked him and he hit his head and blacked out."
"Well maybe you shouldn't have drop kicked him then."
"Well maybe you should have shot him then when he came at me."
"He wasn't coming at you, he was taking a step forward."
"Oh I'm sorry for mistaking his hand almost hitting me in the face for a hug."
"Clearly he's drunk if the stench of him is anything to go by. He didn't know what he was doing."
"I'll keep that in mind next time to do nothing when a drunk guy who looks like he belongs in the NFL takes a swing at me."
"You're overreacting."
"You remember it how you want and I'll remember it how it happened."
You roll your eyes at her before you watch as she bends down and smacks Karofsky hard across the face. It's enough to get him to stir into consciousness. Thank God. Although to be fair, who wouldn't wake up after a slap like that? Clearly Santana wasn't kidding when she said she wanted to kick his ass. He slowly sits upright on the foyer floor, blinking a few times to let his eyes adjust to the lights and rubs his cheek gingerly before asking,
"Where am I?"
"In Charlie's Chocolate Factory. Where else would you be?" comes Santana's sarcastic reply.
"Could you not right now?" you say to her in an effort to get her to calm down.
You know that it's going to take a lot more than that but she doesn't say anything. She just gestures to you that he's all yours before folding her arms and staring at him.
"You're in the house of the DA and Judge Fabray," you tell him, "Why are you here David?"
"Who are you?" he asks gesturing at you and Santana.
"We are their personal assistants. They're in Colorado right now so we're house sitting." You lie.
"I have to warn them about something." He says
"Warn them about what?" Santana asks him
"I don't think I should tell you." He says standing up.
You don't even have a chance to respond before Santana has him down on his knees in a chokehold gasping for air as she says,
"Listen you son of a bitch, you're 20 seconds away from blacking out due to a lack of oxygen and 10 seconds away from me crushing your fucking voice box. My suggestion would be that you started using it."
"Ok! Ok!" he chokes out, "I'll talk."
She releases her hold on him before backing up and gesturing to you once again. You give her your 'I think you're annoying sometimes' look before returning your attention to the gasping human in front of you,
"What do they need to be warned about David?"
"I know who's trying to kill them."
Suddenly you don't care so much that he showed up drunk at 11:30 and interrupted your little play date with Quinn.
"Who's trying to kill them?" Santana asks with a death glare that would make even the devil tell her the truth.
"A guy named Schue. He's one of the biggest drug dealers in New York. Blaine and Sebastian worked for him right up until they got caught. He's got his second in command, a guy named Puck working on how to kill them but he insists he can't do it without them."
"Is there anyone else who wants them dead besides Schue and his gang?" you ask him
"No that's it," he says running a hand through his hair, "Oh and uh Judge Wilde. Yeah, she's in on it too I almost forgot."
"I knew it!" Santana practically screams, "I'm going to enjoy killing that bitch."
"Killing? I thought you were personal assistants?" he asks slightly perplexed.
"It's a figure of speech, just roll with it." She responds
While Santana is off doing her victory dance, something clicks in your head. Something's still not right.
"David," you begin, "It's not that we're not grateful for this information but why exactly are you telling us this?"
"Because I need Judge Fabray and the DA to let Blaine and Sebastian go."
"Are you fucking crazy? Or did I hit you too hard?" Santana says coming to stand next to you, where you stand in front of him before she continues,
"Why the hell would we tell them to let the people who are going to help kill them go?"
"Because if they don't they're going to kill my boyfriend."
"They threatened to kill you?" you ask
"You have a boyfriend?" is Santana's question
"Not that we're judging or anything." You say giving her a look
"Yes they did, yes I do and his name is Kurt. Right now he's in the ICU after Puck paid us a little visit this afternoon."
"I'm sorry." You tell him
"Kurt is my world," he says looking between you and Santana, "I know that it's a lot to ask but I would do whatever they wanted me to do if it meant keeping him alive."
"So you'd be willing to gather Intel for us?" Santana asks
"I'd help gather Intel for Russia if it meant saving his life."
"We'll talk to them. I can't make you any promises but we'll definitely talk to them ok?" you tell him.
"I guess that's fair." He responds.
You walk him to the door and your brain is still reeling from the information before Santana's question catches your attention,
"Wait a second," she says grabbing his arm, "The guy who's been hired to kill them, you said his name was Puck."
"Yeah, yeah it is. Why?"
"Is Puck short for Noah Puckerman?" she asks as her follow up
"Yeah, it's Noah Puckerman. Why? Do you know him?"
"No. I just heard the name somewhere before. Thanks Karofsky."
"You're welcome."
The air becomes tense and the mood becomes angry between you and Santana as you both stand on the porch and watch him drive away. As soon as his car swerves left and out of the driveway, she doesn't hesitate to ask,
"What are you going to do about Puck?"
"What can I do about Puck? This is a pretty delicate situation don't you think?"
"Don't come at me with that ok. Did you have any idea?"
"No I didn't know that he was killing people. And even if I did I don't think that we would have discussed who he's killing next on our phone calls."
"I wouldn't be a sarcastic bitch to me right now if I were you."
"Otherwise what? You're gonna go all Lima Heights?"
"Dammit Rachel. This is serious. Can't you like tell him to back off?"
"I would if I could Santana but I can't."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because the rules have now changed."
"All you got to do is call him up and say, 'hey could you maybe not kill my girlfriend or Santana's for that matter. We're kinda in love with them and we haven't told them yet.' "
"Spare me please. You know as well as I do that it's not going to work."
"Rachel, he's your fucking cousin. How is that not going to work?"
"And you're his ex-girlfriend. He used to love you and maybe he still does. Do you think asking him not to kill your current girlfriend would be such a smart idea?"
"Again, please dim your sarcastic bitch and focus. How do we handle this?"
"The same way we always do. We recon. We plan. We execute."
"Except we're doing recon, plan, execute on your fucking cousin who just so happens to be my ex-boyfriend!"
"Can you keep your voice down."
"No. Fuck you Rachel. Call him and call him off."
"Even if I asked him, he wouldn't listen to me. You heard Karofsky, he works for Schue and Schue wants them dead."
"So you're not going to do anything at all? You're not even going to try? You're not even going to tell Quinn?"
"Tell her what exactly? That my cousin is trying to kill her and I'm confused about what to do? No I am not going to do that and you're not going to tell Brittany either."
"You can't ask me to lie to her Rachel because I won't."
"I'm sorry you must have me confused. Did you hit your head too?" you say turning to directly face her, "See I'm not asking you Santana, I'm fucking telling you that you cannot tell Brittany. Do I make myself clear?"
You watch her jaw tense and her eyes narrow before she responds with,
"Crystal Colonel."
"Good."
"I just hope for your sake that when the time comes you'll be able to put a bullet through his head, before he puts one through your hearts. And I promise you Rachel that if you not doing anything about this causes anything to happen to either Brittany or Quinn, I will not hesitate to kill you."
You let her walk away because you have no response to that. You don't want anything to happen to Quinn or Brittany either but he's your cousin. What the fuck are you supposed to do? Shit just got so much more complicated than you ever thought possible. Your favourite cousin in the entire world has been hired to kill the love of your life. How do you choose between that? How do you choose between the one you grew up with and the one you want to grow old with? How do you pick which one to save? Better yet, how do you pick which one dies? You can't call Noah, you just can't. For as much as Santana is your sister, Noah is your brother. You would do anything for them both. You just never thought that you would ever have to choose between them both. You may not have the strength to kill Noah if push ever came to shove, but you're 100% sure that Santana does. Question is, for the sake of Quinn and Brittany, would you let her?