It's really been a while since I last updated. Again, I apologize, but sometimes I just get writer's block you know...and a big load of homework :P Anyways, this is finally the update. Bye. And Hurricane Sandy is FREAKING ME OUT! See ya later!

Chapter Thirteen: Finnick: Deceitful Actions

Could it be possible to love someone so much you would go mad?

Believe it or not, I'm not asking that on my case, but it did seem Annie's condition was quite severe.

After I awoke from my strange dreams of sailing through rough seas, the waves crashing while the wind whispered queer words into my ear, something felt wrong.

I felt the ground, eyes narrowing at its sudden cold surface, where Annie's warmth had been.

She was gone.

I'd searched everywhere I thought she might be, growing more anxious by the minute when she was nowhere to be found.

I remember almost sighing in relief, and choking with shock at the same time when I found her, lying peacefully, still, on the snow.

I thought she was dead.

Then I remember picking her up, slowly, her snow tangled hair, stiff in ice against my chest, as I trudged, tears frozen in my eyes from the cold. For the moment, suddenly I didn't care that I was unfamiliar on who this girl was. I felt like I knew her, but she seemed far away at the same time. All I knew was that I had to get us back into the cave before the storm grew worse, telling myself over and over again she could still be alive.

When I found her, her heartbeat was faint, but still existent. As I headed towards the cave, half blind, either the winds shrieked too furiously for me to hear, or I truly felt a moment where Annie's heart stopped.

I'd laid her down on the rough ground, quickly striking rocks together to make sparks, to create a fire. I knew the traditional method was to rid the person of clothes and hug them tight with your own heat but I was afraid to touch her in that way, scared it might make her worse.

So there I sat, knelt close to the fire, silent tears rolling down my cheeks, as I'd finally given up hope that she would ever awaken again.

Several hours past. My eyes got a gray, distant look as I stared dimly into the flames of the fire, pleading that its warmth would be enough to revive her. I knew deep in my heart it couldn't, but if I could just get a grip and think of one thing that might give me hope, I might be able to survive the night. I recast my glance to the large gaping hole in the roof of the cave, gazing at the stars, knowing that Annie would soon be there early next morning.

Maybe I was going mad from anxiety but I felt an abrupt brush of skin.

I turned, and blinked, thinking it was a mirage. Annie had moved slightly, towards me, and I felt that I could see her lips parting faintly, trying to breathe in air.

Tears fell from my eyes and I thought I could see her eyelids lift, fluttering like a bird's wings. Her fingers slowly curled inwards, then straightened themselves out as she slowly got up.

In a sudden mixture of pent up emotion, I drawled a long phrase of worry that she didn't appear to understand.

I kept on repeating how much I missed her, until I felt I'd convince her I loved her.

I wasn't a liar, I did not fancy deceiving people, but in the rush of events I think I really exaggerated how I felt towards her. I can't love someone I don't even remember. Is that possible?

I felt that if I convinced her than I could convince myself. But who am I trying to convince, really?

Maybe it was just because I was afraid she would try to attempt to die, again, unless she knew I had feelings for her. I was truly unsure for her sanity, so it felt like the only thing I could do was falsely claim I had undying love for her.

But the worst thing is, now I really think she believes me.

And if she ever found out otherwise, she might never love again.

"Oh, look, Fin! I think I see birds flying above us! Their songs are so lovely! I've missed them so much. My mother used to sing too, she had the most beautiful voice in the world,"

She looked longingly into my eyes, expecting me to reply, to comment about it.

"I'm sure I would have loved to hear her sing!" I said quickly, afraid that if I paused too long I might betray my innocence.

Her eyes roamed across my face, searching for something, something hidden. Sweat beaded at my forehead, my palms growing cold with unease. Then I let out a sigh of relief when she turned away from me, dancing along the wet, melting snow, like a child at a carnival, seeing the ride for the first time.

Suddenly I felt like a father, trying to control her wild spirit, keeping her from causing any trouble. It was a strange feeling.

As she laughed in the distance, eyes constantly gazing at the sky, I looked up as well, sighing again, not in relief, but regret.

How could I deceive an innocent young woman, so easily, without feeling any heaviness in my heart? Was I human for behaving like this? What have I become?

Oh, Lord, if you do exist, please do help me… I thought, praying that he would keep my deceit a secret from Annie. She doesn't need to know that I didn't truly love her. It's a pity for someone to die so young, not to mention, by taking her own life.

My mother, being a Christian, had told me one of the first things that she learned after believing in God was that suicidal people never went to Heaven. They would join the Satan, she told me, her eyes dark. I didn't believe her then and I certainly don't believe her now, but it would be too much of a risk to chance that. Annie didn't deserve to go somewhere so dark and evil.

Then again, she didn't deserve to be around someone as horridly deceitful as I was either. I once thought I was a lad who could tell no lies. I guess I was wrong.

Annie was running back to me when she saw my sorry expression and quickly wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me not too tightly but firmly, with love and warmth. Love and warmth that I didn't deserve.

"What's wrong, Fin? Oh, you must be cold to the tip of your nose! I'm so sorry to have gotten you shivering from my prancing about. We should head back,"

"No, it's alright. It's good for me to feel the cold out here, otherwise I may grow weak, being used to the warmth of fires in caves and luxuries like that,"

She looked at me, unconvinced, shaking her head. I tensed.

"Silly Fin! Being warm is not a luxury, it's a must! If you're too cold you will die, I've heard of it happening before!"

She took my hand and whirled me around, pulling me back to our cave.

Annie isn't a bad person. Maybe I could learn to love her, even if I don't quite remember who she is.

But a small part of me was still rather unsure.