For a couple of moments, I just stared, shocked, at the piece of paper with the number and the note that Stacey had pressed into my hand, and then then I came to my senses and remembered where I was. I felt like crying. I couldn´t tell Olivia and her mother about what had happened- well, I could, but Olivia and I had only been friends for a few weeks, so I still didn´t feel comfortable baring my soul to her. Even though I was young, I knew that what Stacey had done was inappropriate and I knew that if I told Violet what had happened, she would most likely tell the manager and Stacey would get into trouble. And weird as this sounds, I didn´t want Stacey to get in trouble. I knew I should feel some sort of anger towards her and her family because of what her father had done to our family, but I didn´t. There was something desperate about her which made me feel sort of sad for her. And judging by my brothers´ reactions, I figured I should feel livid with her father- Gary Sykes, but again, I didn´t. I just felt curious about him.

I shoved the note into one of the back pockets in my jeans, thinking that I would think about it properly when I got home and went back out to the restaurant to finish lunch. When Stacey came with the check, I couldn´t meet her eye. The note felt like it was burning a hole in my back pocket. As we were walking to the car, Olivia ran up ahead to open the car up and Violet and I tailed behind her slightly. Violet caught hold of my arm.

"You ok, Heidi?" she said to me, looking concerned. "You´ve been quiet since you came back from the bathroom. Are you feeling ill?"

I hadn´t realized I was being so obvious but I´ve never been so good at hiding my feelings. Still, I didn´t want to ruin the day, so I smiled up at her. "I´m fine, Violet. Thank you for lunch."

Violet drove us to the mall and we walked around the shops together for a while, window shopping. I found I really enjoyed window shopping and looking at all the different clothes and colors. It´s something Hannah and I enjoy doing together these days, but at that time, it was something in which I was wholly inexperienced.

It was midway through the afternoon when Violet led us into the department store which offered an ear-piercing service. Olivia had been talking about it all through lunch and early afternoon, chattering about which starter earrings she was going to get and asking her mother and me if we thought she should get gold balls or stars or even triangles. Over the course of the day, it had become clear to me that Violet and Olivia were under the impression that I was also getting them done, and I had given them no reason to dissuade them of this notion. I think it was because I wanted them done so badly that I just couldn´t bring myself to tell them that my brothers wouldn´t let me because it just felt too disappointing. At that moment, I wasn´t really thinking about the consequences: it´s kind of been an issue with me throughout my life- lack of consequential thinking although I think I´m getting better as I get older.

It was really only after Olivia had gotten hers done- she had decided on gold stars as her starter earrings- that I had to make my decision. In the back of my head, I knew what I was doing was wrong because it was directly disobeying what both Adam and Brian had told me quite a few times, and therefore there was no excuse for my actions, but you know when you want something so badly that it´s like you´ll do anything to get it? It was like that.

"Heidi, honey, do you want to choose a pair of starter studs?" Violet asked me.

I hesitated, my heart beating wildly and thoughts rushing through my brain, but it was like I was propelled forward by adrenaline. Before I really knew what I was doing, I had chosen a pair of sturdy gold balls and was sitting in the piercing chair, being surveyed by Violet and an excited Olivia while the technician rubbed my ears with an antiseptic solution before holding the piercing gun to one ear and then the other. When it happened, it didn´t hurt as much as I had thought it would- it was just like a really hard pinch in both ears. Afterwards, both Olivia and I admired our new look in the full-length mirror. I fancied that it made me look older, more sophisticated in a way. After, the technician showed us how to clean our ears with an antiseptic solution and instructed us to do it morning and evening for six weeks, warning that it was really important to avoid infection. While Violet was paying, we looked at the cases of earrings on display, prattling about which ones we wanted to wear once the six-week period was over and we could replace them.

It was only in the car ride home that dread really started to set in when Violet said innocently to me, "Heidi, do you think either of your big brothers will be around when we get home? I´d like to just have a word with them about the cleaning regime for your ears- make sure they know what to do, how important it is."

My ears had started to throb; it was almost like I could hear my own heartbeat in the lobes of my ears. There were butterflies- no- more like monsters in the pit of my stomach as it really dawned on me what I had done and the consequences I was likely to face at home. Up until that moment, I wasn´t prone to directly disobeying so much really- that was mostly Daniel and Evan´s department. A flush of cold fear washed over me when I thought about how Adam and Brian were likely to react. Mad would be the understatement of the century. And Violet! She would think I was a huge liar, which let´s face it- I was at that moment, and she might not want Olivia to hang out with me anymore.

"Uh, I don´t think so, Violet," I said, hoping that I didn´t sound too nervous and praying fervently that neither one of them were around at the house when we got to the ranch.

"I can wait a while," Violet offered then.

I thought quickly. "No, don´t worry Violet. I completely understood what I´m meant to do and the guys normally use Saturday afternoon to go further up on our land and get work done up there," I said, trusting that Violet knew nothing about ranching and would take my excuse at face value.

It worked. Violet said something about having my brothers call her if there was a problem and she could explain things to them.

It seemed that someone up above was on my side that afternoon, because there was no one around as Violet pulled up at the house. I thanked her for lunch again and for the afternoon and then quickly tumbled out of the car, hoping that she would drive away as quickly as possible.

Once inside the house, which was quiet and empty, I went straight up to the bathroom and shut the door. I looked in the mirror again to inspect my ears. My earlobes had turned an angry red color and when I reached up to finger the gold studs, my ears were hot to the touch. I knew then and there in the cold light of day, away from the excitement of being in the department store and with Olivia, that I had to take them out. I really didn´t want a spanking, and I knew that if my brothers saw me sauntering round the house with earrings after they had specifically forbidden me from getting them, I would be dealt with swiftly and firmly. But as I tugged and pulled at the back of the studs, they just wouldn´t come out. My earlobes were so swollen that even when I pushed the earring forward, I couldn´t really see the bar and the safety catch wouldn´t budge at the back. After half an hour of pulling and tugging, the catch was still implacably stuck.

I thought quickly though my options. Crane was away so he was out, and Ford and Guthrie would be sympathetic but useless in a situation like this. Evan was a possibility if I could find him, and he would help me, I knew. But he would also laugh at me probably and tease me and I had never been less in the mood for being the butt of Evan´s jokes. That only left Daniel, who in days gone by was my go to person anyway, but I knew that he was feeling sensitive, especially since Crane had left again. Still, I knew that Daniel would help me if he could, and he would be nice about it too.

I took off my hairband which was holding my hair back, away from my eyes and let my hair fall loose over my shoulders so that it covered my ears and went in search of Daniel. He wasn´t in his room, or in the barn though predictably, that´s where I found Evan working with Diablo. He was obsessed with that horse from the moment he had got him.

"Ev, where´s Daniel," I said quickly, without greeting him properly.

Evan barely looked at me from where he was grooming Diablo with a dandy brush. "Out."

My heart started hammering at the horror of Evan´s words. "Out where?!" I demanded.

Evan turned around to look at me. "I dunno. He´s out with friends, I think. Ask Adam or Brian," he said.

"Do you know when he´ll be back," I asked.

"I think before supper. He´s still on strict curfew after coming back sloshed."

My face must have betrayed my panic because he stopped what he was doing completely then and looked at me properly. "Hey, you ok?" he asked me, looking concerned.

I looked at him, panic stricken and paralyzed for a moment and then I burst out, "No! Oh Ev, I really need your help; I´ve done something really dumb and Adam and Brian will kill me if they find out."

Evan put down the dandy brush so give me his full attention. "How dumb? Dumb like that time you tried to keep those chicks in a box in your bedroom?"

"Way worse," I said and pulled my hair back dramatically to show him my ears. "I got my ears pierced this afternoon with Olivia after the guys told me I couldn´t get them done, and I´ve tried to take them out, but they´re stuck!" I was almost shrieking at this point.

Evan pushed my hair back further to get a proper look and then, predictably, he laughed and shook his head. "You´re right, little sister. You´re dead. Well, your butt is anyway."

"It´s not funny, Ev!" I said, wishing at that moment that it was Daniel in front of me instead. "I need your help!"

Evan looked at me like I was crazy. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Help me get them out!"

"But if you´ve tried already, what makes you think I can get them out?"

"You´re stronger than I am," I pointed out.

Evan stepped closer to me and gently reached out to touch my left ear.

"Sure is red," he said. I huffed impatiently.

Evan held the front of the earring between his index finger and thumb and then twisted the back pulling hard. It really hurt but I bit back complaints because he was helping me and I just really wanted them out now as soon as possible. It still wouldn´t budge.

"Damn thing is jammed on tight," he said to me before trying the same thing with the other ear. His fingers kept slipping though, and he couldn´t get a good hold on it.

"My fingers are too chunky," he complained. Even at 13, Evan had a somewhat muscular build.

"Keep trying," I said, desperately.

Evan continued to pull and tug and by that point I was ready to scream, both with the pain and with impatience and fear of impending doom. My ears felt like they were on fire.

"It´s no good," Evan said, throwing up his hands in defeat. You´ll just have to tell the guys and take what´s coming to you."

"I don´t want a spanking," I moaned at him.

He shrugged. "Well I don´t know what to tell ya. They won´t come out."

I sighed, thinking of my next move. "You won´t tell, will you?" I asked him.

Evan picked up the dandy brush and went back to grooming Diablo. "I won´t tell. But you better think of something quick, coz whoever sees you to bed tonight is gonna notice your ears are brighter than a fire truck.

/

I spent the rest of the afternoon in a frenzied state of anxiety, trying many times to loosen the earrings and pull them out but to no avail. I was still wearing my hair down over my ears which I hoped no one would comment on as I hated my hair to be in face and I normally wore a hairband to keep it back. But no one seemed to notice. When they came back into the house, both Adam and Brian asked me if I had enjoyed myself and what we had done that afternoon. I tried to be as vague as possible without raising suspicion. As Evan came inside to wash up for supper, he raised his eyebrows at me as if to ask me if I had been successful and I gave him a slight shake of my head. He gave me a sympathetic smile.

Daniel arrived home just as we were all sitting down to supper. He rushed through the back door and slipped into his seat. Adam purposefully looked at his watch.

"You made it by the skin of your teeth," Adam said, though he didn´t sound mad.

Daniel shrugged and smiled impishly. It was a flash of the old Daniel and it made me happy momentarily before the weight of my predicament came flooding back to me.

After supper, it was my turn to wash the dishes with Adam. Normally, I loved having time alone with Adam, even if it meant washing dishes because his attention was on me fully, but this time I dreaded it in case he caught a flash of the gold studs burning a hole in my ear. We cleared the table and then Adam washed and I dried. The kitchen had emptied. I was quiet as I dried, not wanting to draw any attention to myself except that this was unusual behavior for me as commonly when I washed dishes with Adam, I talked his ear off.

"You were very quiet at supper and you didn´t eat much. You okay?" Adam said to me as he handed me a plate.

"Uh huh," I said as I focused on drying the plate with the dishtowel.

"Did somethin´ happen this afternoon while you were out with Olivia?"

I shook my head. "No, Adam. It was fun."

"Huh," he said.

There was a brief moment of silence and then Adam said, "You know you can talk to me if somethin´s worryin´ you."

My tummy dropped a bit. Adam was being so nice to me because he thought that something was really bothering me. Little did he know that the thing that was weighing me down was the thing he had expressly told me not to do.

"I know, Adam," I said softly. "I´m fine though."

Adam dried his hands off on a dish towel and then reached out to run his hand over my hair which is his primary way of showing affection, but because I didn´t want him to mess up my hair and perhaps get a glimpse of my ears, I pulled back and then slipped round him, grabbing some cutlery to put it away in a drawer. When I turned back around, Adam was looking at me, puzzled, but he didn´t say anything, and we went back to washing the dishes.

/

Usually on a Saturday night, Guthrie and I got to stay up an hour later rather than being packed off to bed fairly early. That evening, I was mightily grateful for the extra time before bedtime because it gave me more time to try to deal with the jam I was in. Daniel was choosing to spend more and more time in his room, away from the rest of the family and so after washing dishes, I escaped upstairs while the rest of the family milled around in the living room and kitchen. I knocked softly on Daniel´s door and then slipped in.

Daniel was laying on his bed, with his headphones on, listening to his walkman. When he saw me, he sat up and slipped his headphones off his ears.

"What´s up, Heidi? What do you want?" he asked me, although his tone wasn´t unkind or impatient.

"I need your help, Danny," I said softly and then I filled him in on my afternoon escapades finishing with, "And it´s only a couple of hours until bedtime and I´ll be in so much trouble if they find out."

Daniel looked at me sympathetically and then patted the spot next to him on the bed and said, "Come over here so I can see properly."

I went to sit next to him on the bed. He gently examined my ears, twirling the studs gently and turning my earlobes over to examine the backs.

"Your ears are pretty swollen, but just grit your teeth. I think I can get them out," he said. He gripped hold of the front of one of the studs and then gently twisted it clockwise while turning the back anti clockwise. It hurt, but nowhere near as badly as when I had tried myself, or when Evan had tried. It didn´t take long before Daniel had unscrewed the back of one and gently removed it from my left ear before he did the right one.

I breathed a sigh of relief once they were both out. Daniel held both the studs in the palm of his hand out to me. I took them from him and slipped them into one of my pockets.

"You better make sure you use some antiseptic cream on your ears the next few days: they look pretty brutal," he said to me.

"Thank you, Daniel. You saved me," I said, throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him. He hugged me back and said in my ear, "Any time little sister."

"I´ll leave you alone now," I said, getting up from the bed.

Daniel caught my arm. "No, don´t. Stay a while. Tell me about your day."

I looked at him in surprise- it had been a while since Daniel had wanted to talk or hang out with me and it filled me with pleasure. I told Daniel about what had happened with Stacey at lunchtime, and then I showed him the note she had given me. He took it from me and seemed to study it intently.

"Shall I give it to Adam?" I asked him.

"No," Daniel said quickly. I looked at him quizzically. "I mean, I just don´t think it´s worth stirring anything up. I´ll throw it away for you."

"Okay."

There was a lull in our conversation then I said, "What do you think he looks like?"

"Who?" Daniel asked.

"Gary Sykes."

"I dunno, Heidi. Why´d you ask?"

I shrugged. "Just curious I guess."