Contrary to popular belief, Hiei actually had quite silky hair. No, really. I always thought that it was styled to stick up the way that it did, but I'm fairly certain that it actually acted that way naturally. Well, leave it to Hiei to have hair with a mind of its own. I mean, you could write off that white stripe as demon blood, but the defiance of gravity? I don't know about that.
The really interesting thing was that it was so well-taken-care-of. I expected his hair to be knotted and at least have dandruff or something, but nope. There wasn't any sign of that sort of thing. It was clean and brushed and treated quite nicely. For the last twenty minutes I had spent my time pondering over whether it would be better to braid Hiei's hair or put it in pigtails. Suddenly the answer came to me!
I could put it in a bunch of braided ponytails. All over his head, the little ones. Then I found a road-block. What would I tie them all with? Magic, of course! I started plotting what to do when I was suddenly, and unceremoniously, dumped onto the ground. My back smacked against the hard earth and I felt all of the breath rush out of me in one painful huff.
I coughed and struggled to breath before finally looking up with an enraged glare.
"What the hell, Hiei?! You could have warned me!" I gasped, choking on air for another few seconds. Finally the spasm in my diaphragm passed and I stood up, rubbing my back. It didn't really hurt that much, but when Hiei was the one being mean you had to make a big deal out of it. The guy hated the attention that it caused and it was my purpose in life to irritate the hell out of him.
"Hn." He grunted. That was not a word. Didn't he know that? Perhaps I should tell him that a monosyllabic grunt was not a word. Remind him and all, maybe he didn't know.
"What he means to say is that we're here." Kurama inserted, putting a restraining hand on my shoulder when I motioned to leap onto Hiei's back. Oh, now that I thought about it, he probably hurt himself dropping me like that.
Ha, it serves him right. Maybe he'll remember to treat ladies nicely the next time he gives someone a ride on his shoulders. Wait, what am I saying? Why in the world would he do that? He's stuck with me and only me!
I tried to imagine him being in a relationship with a girl and all I could picture was a tall woman that looked weirdly like Kurama. That worried me. Perhaps Hiei wasn't asexual, maybe he was gay! I stared at him, horrified and then glanced at the other person in question. Kurama blinked at the blank stare I was giving him and I couldn't help but note that he really was quite the looker.
I mean, he could pass as a girl if he wanted to. Heck, if I wasn't so observant I might have thought that he was a woman.
Oh, right, he mentioned something about us arriving and I looked up. A moment later I took a step backwards, the pleasant smile still on my face. I got some funny looks, but you would have done it too. When I looked up, instead of being distracted and living inside my thoughts, I found a looming, dark cave mouth threatening to swallow me up.
Shoot me for being quite startled.
"That… that is a cave." I stated, unable to really construct my thoughts into words. Did I ever tell you guys that I used to be scared of the dark? Well, freaky cave that looks like a giant mouth about to eat me and is totally unlit? Yes, most of my fear was gone. Not all of it. I shivered and couldn't seem to make myself move.
"Yup. Pleasant place, huh?" Yuusuke said, grinning. I turned to look at him mechanically and chuckled, not amused in the slightest. Kuwabara locked him in a choke-hold and started arguing with him about respecting other people and being nice and basically babbling on.
"Very observant, captain obvious." Hiei snapped over the din, crossing his arms.
"Shut up, lieutenant sarcasm!" I snapped right back. He closed his eyes with a 'hmph' and I wanted to throttle his stupid throat. Maybe then I could shut him up!
The atmosphere calmed me down though and I took a deep breath, facing the cave. I could do this, right?
Guys?
—
We had been walking in this cave for hours and the original fear had dulled down to a manageable roar. Now I was just bored of walking and I could have sworn that we had walked past that funky rock at least five times at this point. I trusted Kurama not to get us lost though. He probably knew exactly where we were. Though one question was on my mind.
Why didn't they all just construct a portal to get us into Demon World? Wouldn't that have been faster? So, I asked Kurama. This was his answer.
"Well, you see, we would have had to go through five inconsecutive portals and quite a few dangerous areas to correctly traverse the continuum to the safest and closest area. This portal is a secure route." Okay, that made- What?
"He's saying that it's faster and more direct this way." Hiei muttered, rolling his eyes. I stuck my tongue out at him, but was thankful for the explanation. The original had too many big words.
I looked forward again and just in time for us to emerge into a huge cavern with an underground lake. Mist hung over it, but witch-lights hung at regular intervals and a huge, glowing portal was set up on the other side. Wow, this was just.
"Wow." I said. So that was what a professionally made portal looked like. Mine just looked like indistinct rips in the air. This would take… some serious power. "Is this open all the time?" I asked, still looking around the cave in awe.
"Well, technically, yes." Yuusuke said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It was a beast to design though, let me tell you." He laughed and I couldn't help thinking that he probably didn't design it himself. At Kurama's light smirk my suspicions were confirmed, but I just smiled and nodded. How interesting.
"Hey, I helped too, Urameshi!" Kuwabara scowled and I still found myself amazed at his carrot hair. How did he get it to look like that?
We all walked to the bridge that went over the water and headed on over it. On the way, I found myself lagging toward the back of the group. Not because I was tired, but because I was thinking. It had never been so apparent to me how weak I was, but now that I had been around all of this power and strength and cunning I couldn't help looking at my own meager study and feeling a little bit… Lame.
That's not the best word, but at the same time it fit. The word lame was lame. I felt like that word. A word that was just… Awful. Awful to say, awful to be, just awful in general. That was how I felt. I knew that there was always someone stronger then you, but this was a lot of those people and looking at this intense show of power and ingenuity I felt, well, lame.
"Are you trying to slow us down?" Hiei snipped. I winced, that had not been the best moment for that comment. Any other time and I probably would have brushed it off as a Hiei comment, but I was a bit vulnerable to it at the time and the line stung. I didn't make it obvious that it hurt or anything. When I was actually in pain I didn't often show it, it wasn't my style, but for once I really wished that Hiei could control his mouth.
Most of the time I rocked at taking verbal beatings, but not so much at that moment. I kind of wanted to melt to the ground right there and be by myself, but I couldn't do that anymore. I was never truly alone at all and my lack of privacy would continue to get worse until I didn't have any at all.
See? This is why I didn't try and spend my time thinking. I just got depressed about things that didn't really matter in the long run.
"No." I murmured and sped up, catching up to Kurama and chatting with him. It was far easier to avoid Hiei if I was talking to someone. He was much less likely to try and bother me. One more pointed comment like that and I wasn't sure what I would do. Something horrible, probably. I would stab him, or worse, I would start thinking about doing so to myself.
Such stressful times. I really had to figure out how to handle my new life more calmly and accordingly. I couldn't afford to freak out like this during important times, it would end badly. But what could I do?
Something told me that if I wasn't careful then these mounting small problems with Hiei that we weren't handling very well were going to blow up in my face. It was going to happen at some point, I just had to pray that it wasn't at a really bad moment. Right then, though, I didn't want to deal with these problems. I definitely didn't want the extra headache and I most certainly didn't want to deal with Hiei.
"It's not going to end well when shit hits the fan." I muttered, mostly to myself. Kurama glanced over, but didn't comment. I think that he realized how frustrated I was and besides, he probably didn't care. He only put up with me because I was always with Hiei, that's just how it worked.
The stupid guy was detrimental to saving Eva and if I was left behind so was he, so he was putting up with me. Sometimes I wondered what he actually thought of people behind that mask he always had up. Kurama himself was a nice enough guy, but he had more then a few skeletons in his closet. I could feel it.
It made me curious as to whether Eva knew much about him. Based on his personality and what I'd seen of hers… Probably not. She was extremely shy and he had a wall ten feet thick. Made out of stainless steel and ice. Yeah, I was guessing on a no there.
Finally we reached the end of the bridge and I had to literally crane my neck to see the top of this huge contraption. I was betting that it was only that big because it had to have a mother-load of power, though. It would also need to be very well-controlled and stable. How else would you keep demons interested in terrorizing humans out of human world? The only real way to do it was to control the portals passing between the two dimensions. Another reason why finding Eva was crucial.
The portal she created was unauthorized and therefore very illegal. If we didn't find her before the council did then she could get into some serious trouble. She might get off with probation if she was lucky, like me, but not everyone got off so easily. It was hard to say what decision the council would come to in her case. Really, it wouldn't be necessary if we found her first and then got to explain. Kurama held a high place on the council, as I had mentioned before, and would definitely put in a good word for her.
So, really, the only thing that was left in the balance was time. Something that no one seemed to have enough of.
"State your name and show me your I.D." A uniformed man ordered, walking up to Yuusuke. The tall man flashed the guard a smile and showed him something which immediately sent the guard scurrying away apologizing to the next person. Hiei snorted and got through, Kurama close behind. Kuwabara also went through without a hitch and then the guard reached me. I blinked and felt lost.
"Name and I.D." He said sternly. The man had brown hair, was of medium height and was generally normal looking. Except for his purple eyes and long ears. Must be a faerie. Good idea to use faeries as guards, actually. They couldn't lie so it would be extremely difficult to screw with the system or do anything underhanded.
Although you could never underestimate them. They had their ways around most security measures and were extremely cunning. Another good reason for them to be the security measures.
"Um…" I trailed off and Kurama walked over, patting my head. Did he have to do that?
"Sorry, she's with us. She hasn't been registered yet because she's a new recruit, sorry." He said. The guard seemed to hesitate but nodded at Kurama's chilly stare and went back to his post. Moments later a door opened into the portal and I took a deep breath.
"What? New recruit? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, very confused and quite suspicious. Kurama just shook his head, implying that then was not the time or it wasn't important, I wasn't certain which. Probably both. One by one everyone slipped through the portal and me and Hiei were last.
"How is this supposed to work?" I asked. If he went in ahead of me I would start convulsing on the spot and find myself paralyzed, but I didn't know if going together was the best idea either. It could take a while to get all the way through the inbetween and I wasn't sure I wanted his company during that time.
"Hn. Obviously we go at the same time. Use your brain." Hiei snapped, glaring at the guard. The guard seemed quite nervous, but that couldn't compare to me. I was nervous enough about using this portal. I couldn't really remember my last few portals. The first time I had fallen into an area filled with noxious gas and nearly died of laughter (literally) and the second time I had been unconscious and under arrest.
My track record wasn't looking so hot. So, I was nervous, albeit for good reasons, but still quite nervous about going through this portal and Hiei, in all of his brilliance, was not helping matters.
"Well, I guess." I said slowly, feeling very small and insignificant in front of this hulking piece of magically charged machinery. Why couldn't I have ended up with a guy that actually cared about how I felt? Hiei didn't know, and didn't care to know, any of my fears. They were stupid and had no purpose in his eyes. How was I supposed to depend on someone like that?
And that's why a relationship between the two of us would never work out.
Suddenly I was lifted from behind and set on top of a pair of broad shoulders. I felt small and childish and yelped like one too, but I was comforted by the simple action. I knew that Hiei hated having me on his shoulders and yet he did it of his own volition. He might be an insensitive jerk but, I smiled softly and hooked my arms gently around his neck, he had his moments.
"You ready yet? My baggage is heavy." He said dryly. I narrowed my eyes at him and pursed by lips. My moment of happiness almost disappeared, but I just so happened to note the dusting of pink on his cheeks and sat back, satisfied.
"Yes, my steed. Ride." I nearly laughed as his eyes twitched spastically, but left it at that.
"I will throw you off." He grumbled, stomping toward the fluctuating rip in space-time.
"Yes, I know." I answered, trying to hype myself up. At least I wasn't going to have to walk through of my own volition, we might have been standing there all day. He suddenly sped up and I cringed, my voice squeaking. "Hiei, maybe this is a bad ide- ahhh!" I screeched as a wave of mist enveloped the both of us, an intense tingle rushing over my skin, then there was a thump and I opened my, eyes peeking up from where I had hidden in Hiei's hair, to find that it was over.
"Oh." I said. My steed grunted and shoved me off of his shoulders, but this time I saw it coming and landed gracefully on my feet, pulling up to my full height after dusting myself off. "So polite." I scoffed, looking around. The others were standing, waiting for us impatiently in a nice, safe, valley surrounded by flowering trees. It was a beautiful place.
There was no way it wasn't sinister in some way, shape, or form. I mean, we were in Demon World for pete's sake, everything was sinister in some way, shape, or form. As the dangerous air burned in my lungs that excitement from before came back and I found myself bouncing, ready to go. My sword was still humming on my hip and I headed over to the group.
There was a headcount and then we were off to find a place to hole up until Hiei could locate Eva, but of course I was right, everything was sinister here. Within in a few minutes we had been attacked by various goblins, a ghoul and even some of the plants. The plants!
Pfft, and that thing thought that it could strangle me and I would die in peace. Well, something died. In pieces. In what world does the plant life attack you? That was just horrible. I am horrified. Oh, wait, I've had that happen before. What am I saying? The plant life is just the start, some demons actually use it as their main weapon, like Kurama (which is weird), but here's the interesting part. There aren't any 'animals' only many different species of demon.
So what is the top one? Food for thought, there.
We did eventually find a place to stop though. A huge, hollowed out tree. Nifty. We walked in and Hiei went up to the top of the tree to sit on its branches. I watched and then finally got bored of seeing him sit there and looked toward Kurama.
"What's he doing?" I asked. The red-head turned from his book and smirked.
"He's finding Eva." Was the answer. I looked back up and then gave him a doubtful look. How was he looking for Eva, he was just sitting there. "Go up and ask." He said, giving me a daring look that challenged me to actually go up and bother him. I shrugged and walked outside, looking for the best way up.
Well, if I wanted to know then I'd go ask. Kurama looked quite surprised as I took off up the tree. Tree-climbing was a specialty of mine and I quite enjoyed doing it. I arrived at the top of the tree in a jiffy and nearly materialized next to Hiei. That was when I found myself with a rather unpleasant surprise waiting for me.
"Woman, you're distracting. Go away." He muttered, but he sounded more guarded then usual, as if trying to hide something. His voice sounded less irritated and more hurried. I continued forward, ignoring him. His next line was harsh and more then annoyed. He was mad. "Can you go. You're distracting me!" He growled. I jumped.
"Good God, are you glowing?!" I gasped, seeing an odd purple glow emanating from his forehead. He was turned away from me though, so it was hard to tell.
"No! Now leave before I cut you in half." He snarled, his voice growing more hostile by the second. I was confused, what was the big deal? I bothered him all the time, why the sudden hostility? What was he hiding from me?
"No." I said and sat down, his threat was empty anyway, he couldn't hurt me if he wanted to. Well, I suppose that he was physically capable of it, but he wouldn't. He would only hurt himself.
The next thing wasn't said at all, he just snapped around and hit me. My hands slid up to my face in horror and even as I slipped from my spot on the tree I could only think one thing.
He hurt me. Why would he do that?
I don't really remember falling very well. It's sort of disjointed and dark and I think that someone caught me before I hit the ground. It would have hurt, for sure, perhaps I would have even been seriously injured, but I was too upset. It felt like the world was folding in around me. I never thought that it would hurt so badly to have Hiei angry at me. Annoyed and irritated was normal, he walked around with a permanent scowl on his face, but he was more then irritated, he was pissed.
I stared blankly at my feet hanging off of the edge of my little bunk in the tree, like I had been for the last twenty minutes, wishing that someone would come save me. I got to live my dream of meeting the people that were my idols and it turned out to be a nightmare. Being soul-bonded to Hiei Jaganshi? That should have been amazing.
It wasn't. He did even like me, he never smiled, he was never nice, he never wanted to be around me, I wasn't important. I had never thought that I would end up with someone who hated me so much. I glanced over at my arm and closed my eyes. Right, I put myself in this place. Every bad thing that happened to me was my fault. I walked myself into this situation, not on purpose, but I knew that I was going in the wrong direction.
I shivered. It was a lonely world when you were alone. I was standing in the middle of a crowd and yet had no one.[That's how Hiei feels.] I couldn't help but think about the injustice of it all. Why is it that some people in the world suffered and others got everything handed to them on a silver platter? If there was a God, how could He let that happen to people? I had decided it long before, but God wasn't fair.
I slid out of my bed and walked out into the dark night. The irony was overwhelming. I was in Demon World at night surrounded by people who had done more then a few things they wouldn't want to talk about and I was stained as much if not worse then them and as all of this went on I tilted my head back and looked up at the foreign stars.
"God, if you're listening, if you even exist, I know I'm not the… Best person, heck I've screwed up so much I wouldn't be shocked if you ignored me, but… I just wanted to say, um, thanks. I know this sounds weird, but You, um, You've let me go through a lot of stuff and I've learned a lot from my mistakes and… Stuff. I also wanted to ask, uh, if its possible, could you help me make this work?" My brain was spinning, but the words were coming out. Albeit, in a bit of a stuttering fashion. They weren't what I thought they were going to be, but I was doing my best.
"I mean, with, you know, Hiei. He's a frustrating a- git, but there must be some way- somehow this should be able to work. I don't know… I don't hate him anymore- actually, sometimes I even like him- and I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. Just, help me. Help me to not be afraid and do the right thing. Please? Um, amen." I finished and glanced around before scurrying back inside and getting into bed.
—
When I awoke, I awoke with a vengeance. Most of the time I had a really hard time getting out of bed and wandered around like a zombie for a solid hour before my brain finally realized that I was awake. Not in Demon World apparently. I heard someone move and my eyes snapped open instantly. I was alert and ready and there was already something that I wanted to do (other then eat breakfast).
I needed to find Hiei and figure out his damn problem and I needed to do it before we left. I was going to get to the bottom of this whole problem even if I had to strangle him to do it. No distractions, no avoiding the question, we weren't looking for Eva until he could treat me like a human being. End of story.
I walked out of our hollowed tree after getting everything back inside of the small pack that I brought with me. It was enchanted to be able to hold a lot and had clothes, food, supplies, and some other things in it. It was better to have too much stuff then to go unprepared. Although I'll admit that I did forget a few choice things, like a toothbrush.
My mouth was going to taste disgusting by the time we got back.
That was besides the point though. I had spent the better part of the night thinking about what had happened between Hiei and I. You would think that I would be less distracted by this, but it was becoming more and more obvious to me that I was going to be miserable if I couldn't learn to like him. Sometimes I did. Hiei had his moments where he could be sweet or devilishly handsome or adorable (don't tell him that I said that), but he was a jerk most of the time.
I really was gaining a first-hand understanding of how abusive relationships worked. I felt animosity and fear of, well, Hiei growing in my heart. I kept thinking of how cold he sounded. I really meant nothing to him. That hurt a little bit. I wanted to mean something, I wanted to matter to him. Was that a crime? I knew that somewhere inside he wasn't so bad and was perfectly capable of being nice, but every time I got too close he backpedaled and shoved me away.
What was he so afraid of? Was he afraid that if he showed his true colors then I was going to hate him? I'd already gone that route and from what I'd seen of his true colors I liked. I liked it a lot more then I liked his violence. I had a serious issue with bloodlust and often went totally insane when fighting, that was something I had to come to terms with about myself, so what was he hiding?
I searched through the leaves of the tree and finally found his black coat high up in the branches. I tensed to jump up then found my stomach clenching in fear. I blinked, shocked. Had that pain really affected me so much. I looked up and swallowed, then looked back to my hand and feet.
"Oh, Angela, this is stupid. Just go!" I urged, but my legs were still frozen. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to go up there, but I felt like I should. It was just this urge that said 'you should do that' and I couldn't ignore it. I wanted to turn around and walk right back inside, but the need to go up was so strong I couldn't do it. "You can do this." I whispered to myself and slowly climbed up, trying to stay quiet and un-intrusive.
I really didn't want to make him angry again… At least, I thought that I didn't, but the closer I got the more annoyed I became. I saw his hair and only thought 'stupid' and began insulting him thoroughly in my head, then I would back off and be horrified at myself, but then it would start again. I couldn't seem to decide whether I hated Hiei or respected him.
Well, okay, I didn't really respect him anymore. I used to. Once upon a time, I respected him for him strength and speed and finesse. He was someone I looked up to and wanted to be like, but now, after that stunt, my respect for him failed. Even when I had hated him, I still liked that power, wanted it. Now the thought of it made me feel sick. It made my face start to ache.
There wasn't a mark, no obvious one, because I had healed it, but it still ached. My cheek and my heart. I had started to foster this idea that perhaps he might, you know, have started to feel something for me. I had something, though I wasn't quite certain how to put it, for him. Relationships had never ended very well for me and this wasn't helping any. My last one had been, well, to put it lightly, quite shitty.
I didn't think that I could handle another one. I was indecisive and now hopeless. Alright, where had all my strength gone? I was Angela Marie Portman, quit being a wimp and walk you're stupid ass up to him. God.
"Hiei." I said. The name sounded foreign in my mouth, as if it was filled with cotton and hard to say, hard to shape. "You're an asshole. I thought I should tell you that." I muttered, as if rehearsing it to myself.
The words were not quite as easy to say as I had hoped, but the moment they were out of my mouth I suddenly knew that that wasn't what I wanted to say. It's hard to explain, but I just suddenly knew what I needed to tell him. They were words that I wouldn't have expected and I wasn't sure I understood all of it, but that was okay. I needed to say them, I just had to pray that he was willing to listen.
I came up onto the branch and kept my distance, clenching my hands to hold my ground. He didn't move as I landed, but it didn't matter to me.
"Hiei." I had to pause and take a deep breath because I was shaking like a leaf and only my clenched hands were keeping me from sprinting in the other direction. After all, better to not try then try and fail, right? What if he just didn't care? It didn't matter, though. I shoved all of those doubts about myself and my worth into the back of my head. I made my own worth, that was all there was to it, but that didn't mean that I couldn't enjoy someone else's company, right? I had to get him to understand.
"I'm not angry at you." I began, this time I thought I saw him twitch and it gave me the courage to continue. "And I don't hate you. Sometimes you frustrate me and sometimes I don't always think that I can handle being stuck with you, but at the same time you can be nice and funny; and after all this time I've found that the idea of being stuck with you for the remainder of my life isn't so bad." I paused and took a deep breath.
"And Hiei, I don't blame you." At this there was a definite movement. "Losing my arm was my fault and I'm sorry that I blamed you. I'm sorry that I caused a lot of drama. I'm sorry that I irritate you. I'm sorry that you're stuck with me and I'm sorry that perhaps I'm not as strong as I should be. But… I just wanted you to know that I'm not sorry that I'm stuck with you." This was lengthy. Where was all of this coming from?
All I could hope was that I was getting through to him, because I meant every word of it, even if it had taken me a while to see it.
"I really respected you, you know, before I met you personally. I know that I can be pretty clueless and I'm pretty screwed up, but I hope that we can at least get along." I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, one side was slightly heavier then the other, but I ignored it. "And I think its an honor to be changing into a demon." I said.
That was it. I was done. Now it was all up to him. I stilled and shut my mouth. I would stay silent until he either answered or left all by himself. It was humiliating to wait and be put under such extreme observation and finally the man himself turned.
I opened my ocean blue eyes to find his crimson ones staring calmly at me. He didn't look angry, he seemed contemplative, looking at me as if trying to find something. I was startled to see that the glow from before was an eye on his forehead. That should have scared me, but I knew what it was. It was a legendary Jagan Eye. Jaganshi. That was why he was named that.
He must have named himself. It should have scared me, but I wasn't scared, I was curious, I was amazed. The pain you had to go through to get one made them rare and dangerous indeed. Was this what he had been hiding from me? Was he afraid that it would scare me? I would have laughed, but it didn't seem like the best time. Still, it would take more then a glowing third eye to freak me out.
He was testing me. He had gotten angry because he had let me in too close. He had hurt me for some reason that only he understood and I wasn't going to try to truly understand him because I couldn't. I hadn't gone through everything he had in the same way that he hadn't gone through everything that I had. We were two very different people.
What was I waiting for? I wasn't sure. Something, I guess. My eyes traced his form, the unruly hair, the slight crease between his eyes, the bandage spinning down his arm. He looked back at me, but the contemplative look faded and I watched his expression transform into one of deep thought. He was searching for something and must have found what he was looking for. I remembered the last time he did this and I had been so certain that all he would find was hatred.
I wasn't so sure what he would find this time.
I wasn't meant to know, I guess. An unearthly screech broke that stare and a huge shadow fell over me. I looked up, panic, then something hit me in the back. My vision turned hazy and I shook my head, trying to clear it, but I was dizzy and dropped to my knees. My brain felt like mush and my head lolled, hands trying to wake me up.
My eyes closed.
Hiei, why do you look so scared?
~ To Be Continued ~
(A/N): Alright, the next part is the last part. I really hope that you all like it! I know that the story has been a bit whimsical, but it ties up alright. Thank you for all of the great support that you have all given me! I really appreciate it!
~ Nami 3