Carlisle sat with his back cradled in the corner of the sofa while a book laid splayed open upside down over his knee as the news displayed on the flat screen droned on providing background noise for his wandering mind. He had regretted using the belt on his son from the very first stroke. Jasper had done his best to tough it out, but that unfeeling strap of leather broke the boy's will as if that was its main purpose for existing.

"My Lord, help my son and I through this. Was I too hard on the boy? Did I cross that line again where rationality fades and anger is all that fuels my action?" Carlisle cringed as his mind recreated the heart wrenching sounds of the belt snapping savagely against Jasper's flesh causing the boy to cry out against the pain. "I know that disciplining my son is my duty, but was this too much for him to bear? I ask for his respect; now I worry that it is his fear which I have earned."

Jasper's recent meal still circulating through his system had caused a slight blush to form after each stroke. While it dissipated within seconds, the pink coloration had caused Carlisle's anxiety to peak at a much higher level. Memories surfaced of dark red stripes that morphed into the black purple of deep heavy bruising; war wounds to be carefully hidden from prying eyes least his misdeeds become public knowledge to further his humiliation. In his mind's eye Carlisle had seen himself in Jasper's place fighting to stoically take his punishment like a man, only to fail time and time again proving his father right; he was weak, soft and useless. Knowing that God was strength, the Vicar could only deduce that his son was possessed by some demon that facilitated this weakness.

Vigorous application of both birch and strap had failed to drive the demon out, but his father refused to give up on his sinful son. Carlisle would find himself stripped and bound while a whip cut into the flesh of his back, buttocks and legs until his blood soaked the ground, leaving him too weak to move. The Vicar continued to strive to toughen his son up physically and spiritually so he could castoff the Devil residing within. The man spent hours every day grooming the boy by the use of physical pain and lectures on scripture in the plan to have the boy eventually take his place as an instrument of God; rooting out evil and banishing it through exposure to the cleansing righteous light of day.

His father's lessons had eventually taken hold and the young Cullen took up the task of hunting down the evil that lived amongst men. Witch hunts made him squeamish due to having watched his father convict so many that his son believed to be innocent of the crimes described, but Carlisle excelled in the hunt of unnatural beasts. Shortly after his twenty third birthday, on one such hunt his life had ended, transforming him and finally revealing his demon that his father had tried so desperately to beat into submission.

Carlisle suddenly placed his hand against the left side of his neck near his collarbone covering the faint scar that marred his pale skin.

And now I am a far fouler beast than any that roam the nightmare fields of the human mind. Not only am I that unnatural evil that lurks in the dark, I also appear to be slowly de-evolving into one of the worst of human monsters. I have allowed my anger to harm my son. Carlisle closed his eyes as he leaned his head back against the soft cushion. There is no evil in my boy to be driven out, yet I follow my father's lead and progressed to a more severe implement of punishment. The moment I held his belt in my hand I sealed my wretched fate, but the most depraved part is knowing that given the ability to go back and correct what I've done, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

The sounds of Jasper's distress echoed in his head mixed with the visions of the punishment inflicted and forgiveness given. It was such a small gesture but it was one that he could not deny that made him different from his father. Where his father would turn away from tears in disgust, Carlisle held Jasper in his arms and offered words of reassurance and love. He would never permit any of his children to suffer through the feelings of abandonment that he had learned to accept in his youth.

In the beginning, Carlisle's southern son had been embarrassed by his emotional display, but his father had taken the time to explain that tears were not the weakness Jasper's upbringing had taught him to believe them to be. Carlisle saw them as a physical release of the guilt that weighted so heavily on the boy's soul when he knew that he had done wrong. The catharsis of that release was desirable as it opened pathways to allow healing to begin.

That had been a hard thing for Jasper to grasp, but eventually Carlisle's logic won him over. He still fought hard against his tears; however he no longer berated himself or apologized for them when they finally came. Jasper also now not only tolerated his father's comforting, but came to appreciate and expect it. In the past, the boy would stiffen whenever Carlisle tried to hug him. Now he appeared to melt into his father's arms which gave Carlisle back as much comfort as he provided to his emotionally ravaged son. This evening, after delivering such a harsh punishment, he found himself grateful to be able to hold his son until his tears ceased to fall and then just a little bit longer.

Carlisle sighed inwardly as his mind continued to churn up visions of brutal abuse, caring discipline, callous abandonment and loving support. Could such opposing dichotomies really exist in one being? Regardless of what he wanted to believe, he knew that he was his father's understudy and the violent abuser would always lurk just beneath the surface but with diligence he hoped to keep the beast caged safely away from his family.

Footfalls on the walk leading towards the front door drew Carlisle's attention. Closing his book and placing it on the coffee table, he sat up a little straighter as he attempted to silence the voices in his head. Happiness surged through him as his wife and daughter stepped into the house, but the worried expression on Alice's face dulled his joy.

"He will be just fine angel, but I'm sure that he will welcome your attention more than just about anything else right now. Go on up and take care of Jasper."

Alice crossed over to her father and kissed him on the cheek. "Are you okay, daddy?"

Carlisle smiled and gave a slight nod. "I've been better, princess. It will take a little time, but I think we will all be alright."

Esme placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders and whispered in her ear, "Go on. I have this one. Go take care of yours."

With a nod, Alice turned and disappeared up the stairs leaving her father in her mother's care.

Esme crossed her arms as she silently assessed her husband's rather pitiful state. "Carlisle, what have you done…"

"I whipped my boy."

"No, my love. What have you done to yourself? You look awful." She sank down next to him on the sofa and, wrapping her arms around him, hugged him close. Carlisle's arms slipped around her as he buried his face against her breasts and deeply inhaled her comforting scent.

"Same answer applies." He felt the tears that he had managed to hold at bay spring up to sting his eyes. "I hope I did the right thing, but at the moment it just feels so wrong. I should have waited. I shouldn't have trusted myself with him so soon. I needed to give myself more time and distance."

Esme hushed her mate as she rocked him gently and raked her fingers through his hair. She sighed quietly while she wondered if she had enough strength to carry them through the night. She still felt the need to talk to Rosalie and Edward, but her husband needed her so badly that she couldn't imagine leaving him alone.

"Honey, did you lie to Alice when you told her that Jasper would be fine?"

A shake of his head was the only response her question received.

"Then why are you questioning yourself? Jazz needed to atone for his own peace of mind. I am certain that is what you did for him; not to him, Carlisle, for him. There is not a question in my mind that you would never hurt that boy."

Carlisle pulled up to look into Esme's dark honey gold eyes. "I nearly killed him. That is a serious case for hurt in my book. Severely beating him might not be quite as bad as killing him, but it's clearly still not acceptable behavior for anyone, especially for a man who claims to love his son."

"Carlisle Cullen, you would not have killed Jasper and you do much more than just claim to love him." Esme's stern glare and firm chiding tone caused her husband to drop his gaze. His chagrin caused his wife to alter the timbre of her voice as she continued softly. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean for that to come out as a reprimand, but I had thought this was settled earlier. I feel confident in saying that Jazz is on the mend from his guilt; now it's time to let go of yours. Trust yourself, Carlisle; just as we trust you."

"Trust is something that is earned, Esme. I don't have a clue of how I can regain that in myself. It's easier to have faith in others since their actions are what build trust. How do I find a way to do that internally?"

His eyes were closed as his head hung low and his voice dripped with dejection. Esme sighed as she reached out to stroke his hair then ran the back of her hand down his jaw until she cupped his chin to gently lift his head. "Open your eyes, Carlisle," she whispered. He acquiesced halfheartedly and soon she saw the deep sorrow that floated in his tear filled eyes. "You rebuild trust in yourself the same way. Through the words that you tell yourself and the actions that you take with others. Do you trust me?"

He swallowed back the choking venom and nodded.

"Trust our children?"

"Yes, Esme," His voice came in a hoarse whisper.

"Then let us be the foundation for you to build on. Let the faith that we have in you support your efforts to trust yourself. I will call Jasper down here right now if hearing from his lips that you didn't treat him abusively will help you let this go."

Carlisle shook his head. "He needs to rest and be given time to heal. He really does need Alice right now. I won't disturb them."

"Carlisle, if he can help you, he would want to know that. That boy loves you and would be upset to find out that he could have eased your suffering, but was denied the opportunity."

Inhaling deeply, he shook his head once again as a tear rolled down his cheek. "Jasper has already helped me. He gave me the most precious thing in the world; the love of a son for a father. He called me…" Carlisle choked a bit as he became overwhelmed by the mixture of emotions before forcing his voice to continue. "He called me his father."

Esme's confused expression caused Carlisle to sigh. "Why wouldn't he acknowledge that you are his father? He is clearly your son."

"All this time there has been a division in our relationship that I don't feel with the other children. Jasper has always seen me as his coven leader, but tonight when he started to use that title for me he stopped and corrected himself. I could feel the change in the energy between us. I felt so… blessed, but that was before I whipped him. What if I have ruined this new dynamic before it ever even really had a chance to start?"

"Oh, Carlisle." She sighed heavily as she patted his cheek. "What am I to do with you?"

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her palm gently before holding that delicate hand between his. "I don't mean to worry you, love. I meant it when I told Alice that we would all be alright. It will take time, but I know that you are right about drawing on the support of my family to help pick myself back up. A man could not ask for any more than what I have been blessed with in a beautiful loving wife and five extraordinary individuals that I can call my children."

Carlisle released her hand to free his allowing him to run his fingers through the hair at her temples while he leaned in and kissed her passionately. Breaking their kiss, he spoke softly while staring lovingly into her eyes. "I don't deserve you, Esme, but as long as you are willing to put up with me I know that I can weather any storm. I am deeply sorry that I have forced this burden upon you, love. You really should not have had to deal with the events of today, but I thank your graciousness."

"Carlisle, you haven't burdened me with a thing." Her hand rested lightly at the back of his neck while her fingers played with the hair that curled at his nape. "You and the children are my world. I know that this will come as a shock to you, but taking care of my family is my job. I never want you to regret allowing me to fulfill that task." She kissed him then whispered in his ear, "I love you Carlisle Cullen. Don't ever doubt that and let me decide what you do and don't deserve when it comes to me."

Effortlessly she threw her leg over his to straddle his lap while she held his eyes. A smoldering look and her delightfully wicked smile caused Carlisle to shudder with anticipated pleasure. Her lips trailed up his neck from the faded scar to his jaw which she nipped at playfully. Her tongue slid between his teeth as her mouth claimed his, drawing a deep moan from her lover.

Esme's free hand snaked its way between their bodies to slip beneath the waist band of his slacks causing Carlisle's body to quiver as it responded eagerly to her touch. Her fingers tightened in his hair allowing her to pull his head back to break their kiss. Carlisle's half closed eyes held no sorrow now and a light smile brightened his face. Esme grinned then quietly whispered, "Isn't this better than that self-doubt, lover?" Carlisle nodded while he blissfully groaned then let out a little gasp at her exploratory touch.

"Mom and Dad, could you… just… oh God, would you, please…. We are still in the house, you know? That is just… REALLY? GOD, that's disgusting. Dad, would you at least try to control your thoughts?"

Esme collapsed on top of Carlisle as they both broke down into laughter.

"Oh, speaking of things that I still need to deal with tonight. I do owe Rosalie and Edward some attention." Esme kissed Carlisle then patted his thigh before getting up to go see to her wayward children. She trailed her fingers across his crotch and down his inner thigh as she left him and headed up the stairs.

"Nice going, Edward! Couldn't you have suffered in silence like the rest of us instead of being a jackass? Now we're back to being in trouble. Smooth move," Rose snapped at her brother in disgust.

"Rosalie, language. Edward, if you would stay out of my head you wouldn't be disturbed by my thoughts. We have been over this countless times before," Carlisle reprimanded his children lightly then added, "And son, I will get even with you for this. Count on it."

AN: I had planned to start this off with Alice comforting Jazz but this just seemed more logical. Tried to help fill in the the missing "after care" by showing a little of it through Carlisle's memory.

Thanks one and all for keeping me motivated as I work my way through this tangled little tale. Of course, special thanks to Splinter for her beta services. I did do better with this one. Probably because I spent a couple days just skipping around in Carlisle's head...which was oddly relaxing. LOL