Sherlock lay on the couch,hands folded under his chin as John got ready for his date. Sherlock couldn't remember who it was this time. He never did [useless data]. But something about this date was different and Sherlock, unnervingly, couldn't put his finger on it. It was obviously a date: new jumper, brown shoes, hair gel, taking extra care when he clattered around the bathroom humming loudly and being,well,happy.
Irratating.
Sherlock flopped around so his face was pressed into the was glad-no,erase that, not-glad...irratated...annoyed...yes,annoyed [why was he annoyed?} that John was going on the obviously made him happy, in ways that spending time with Sherlock and chasing after criminals did not.
Sherlock frowned. Why? Wasn't the cases enough? Sherlock thought they were. At least, the tremors in his hands subsided when they were racing through the alleys and back streets of London. So if this was true, why date? Sherlock had never been on a 'date' but he heard of them and how awkward they were, the 'small talk' and then the sex. Sherlock didn't have anything against sex. Sherlock was,as Mycroft implied, a virgin, but not because he didn't have the chance. He just didn't have any interest in letting himself lose control in that way.
John whistled as he walked through with his keys. "I'll be late." and he was had gone out with Jake ten times in the past three weeks. They didn't go anywhere overly extravagant, just out for pizza, museums, art walks,etc but it was wonderful. They didn't snog or even hold hands which was wonderful as well. John was very cautious going into a new relationship -especially with a man- and it mean a lot to him that Jake would consider his feelings as was a nice change from his madman of a flatmate. Last night he hung a lung from the ceiling fan and turned it on "just to see what would happen." John had to paint over the walls, the blood stains were so bad.
So these dates, his 'bit of normalcy' as he came to think of them, were very/nice.

Jake never interrupted him and even let John prattle on. And best of all,Sherlock /never/ showed up. Sure,Sherlock tried his usual tricks of texting " your assistance at once.-SH" but John knew better and turned off his cellphone as soon as he was out of 221B.

XOXO

Sherlock slid off the couch and watched from the window until John disappeared around the could have followed him and never be detected- he was quite skillful at disguising himself- but he knew that John would be disappointed in him if he did. Sherlock scowled and sank back into the sofa into his 'concentrating' position: eyes closed, hands folded under his chin as if he was praying to the ceiling. Why was this date so different? And since when did he,Sherlock, care if John was disappointed in him? Sherlock closed his eyes and entered his Mind Palace.
XOXO

John rolled his eyes as he reached for his popcorn. "It's a public know, doctor, stiff upper lip and all of that."
Jake frowned "I don't read the tales and lies. Besides who cares what others think, y'know?"
"God I could kiss you." John went red. "Oh God I didn't mean it like that..I mean.."
"What's stopping you?"
John couldn't remember the ride could remember was Jake's mouth on his...God it felt so good...John sank onto the sofa with a loud sigh. Sherlock didn't even look up from the microscope.
"Good date? What was her name again? Mary? Maria?"
John thought about telling him but then that would just give Sherlock more reason to be more smug and annoying than he already was."Nancy."
"Right. I see you finally kissed her .No-she kissed you. But something is different this time." Sherlock stared at him now, tapping his chin with a delicate forefinger.
John smirked "I'm off to bed. Early day tomorrow." and went to his room,shutting the door firmly behind him. John toed out of his shoes and flopped onto his was asleep in minutes and dreamed of Jake all night.

XOXO
John and Jake texted quite a bit over the next month. John was busy at the clinic and only got to see Jake at the occasional lunch and the weekends but they stayed in constant touch.
Fancy trying the new Lebanese place tomorrow?-JOL
Sure! 6 o'clock? Why don't you sign your name as just JL? -JW
Sounds good -JOL
And it's because my last name is O'Donald. -JOL
Oh do you have a farm? -JW
Shut up or I will revoke all snogging privlages-JOL
Touchy touchy -JW
Keen are we?-JOL
Bugger off -JW
:x xoxo -JOL
I keep thinking it says LOL ...or Jolly.-JW
You can call me what ever you'd like ;) -JOLLY
How about mad? -JW
Only about you. Which reminds me,have you told your Madman Flatmate about us?-JOLLY
No. JW
About that .What are we exactly?-JW
Well, what would you like to be?-JOLLY
Happy-JW
That's settled then. We are happy.-JOLLY
;) -JW

xoxo-JOLLY

XOXOX

Sherlock shoved the files aside with a sigh,This case was proving to be very... irritating. Sherlock crossed over to the desk and picked up John's phone and began to flip through the [Sent] box. Sherlock had John send a text out for him at the same time the last vic was being gutted but Sherlock couldn't remember the exact time. Very not-good. Sherlock considered going in for an MRI [stroke? possible brain tumor...]as he flicked through the texts but was torn away from these thoughts as he noticed the high volume of messages between John and 'JOLLY'. He never heard of John mention a Jolly. A pet name, maybe?

Curiosity got the better of him and,making sure John was still in the shower, he read through them. There were well over 300 texts, mostly talking about crap telly and food. Sherlock quickly read through the latest sent/ received messages:

Sounds good -JOL
And it's because my last name is O'Donald. -JOL
Oh do you have a farm? -JW
Shut up or I will revoke all snogging privlages-JOL
Touchy touchy -JW
Keen are we?-JOL
Bugger off -JW
:x xoxo -JOL
I keep thinking it says LOL ...or Jolly.-JW
You can call me what ever you'd like ;) -JOLLY
How about mad? -JW
Only about you. Which reminds me,have you told your Madman Flatmate about us?-JOLLY
No. JW
About that .What are we exactly?-JW
Well, what would you like to be?-JOLLY
Happy-JW
That's settled then. We are happy.-JOLLY
;) -JW
xoxo-JOLLY

Sherlock frowned. John always tells him about his girlfriends. What made this one so different that John hid her existence from him? He had to find out.

XOXO

Sherlock asked John over breakfast 3 days later. "So how's your girlfriend then?"
John tried not to drop the butter knife.
"She's fine." John said carefully.
"Why don't you have her round?"
"So you can deduce her and make her cry? No, not going to happen. I am not going to expose some poor girl to your mad ramblings and expect her to stay sane, let alone still want to be with me. End of discussion." That was the last thing John said the rest of the morning.

XOXO
He asked about you this morning. Well, actually he asked about my latest girlfriend-JW
So I'm the girl am I ? Well, I did make the best soufflee you've ever had-JOLLY
True true -JW
So what did you say?-JOLLY
I told him I am not going to expose some poor girl to your mad ramblings and expect her to stay sane, let alone still want to be with me. Knowing Sherlock,though, he'll keep pesterting me til I give in.-JW
Stay Strong ;) JOLLY
As always -JW

John would have to be more careful. And start deleting his message history.

XOXOX

Mycroft.-SH
Yes ?-MH
I need to do me a favor-SH
I'm not going to shoot someone just because they don't deliver-MH
that's not it. I need all prior and on-going messager sent to and from the number [REDACTED] as soon as possible.-SH
That's John's number, is it not?-MH
Not important. Send them all to my private email.-SH
My,my, what would John think, browsing through his texts like a jealous girlfriend?-MH
Shut up.-SH

The messages?-SH

Yes-MH
...I owe you one-SH
At the very least-MH