A/N- Hello my lovlies, thank-you for all the reviews and just warning you now, the story is both going to get lighter and darker.
It was past midnight when Caitlin Todd finally lay down to sleep.
But not in the David family home.
After she'd been taken upstairs, she had showered, brushed her teeth and drunk whatever the butler had handed her, but every time she'd closed her eyes she'd imagined the horrible death that had robbed her of the man she loved.
Behind her eyelids lived a world of heinous imagery and she'd been terrified even to blink.
Then the shock had settled in, she'd found herself brimming with energy, unable to sit down even for a minute. She'd run down to the backyard and jumped into the pool, still fully dressed and done three laps before Amit Hadar, a friend of Eli's had pulled her out and slapped her. She'd laughed and started babbling at him, trying to explain the feelings within her. When he'd taken her inside, still dripping wet, he'd told Adina that they should hospitalise her.
She'd returned the slap then, twice as hard and stormed out of the house.
Of course with the Mossad security team still in action, she'd only made it as far as the front gate before she'd been 'escorted' back.
Eventually Adina had suggested that she go home to Ari's apartment.
She'd been packed into a car, given a kiss on the forehead and driven the short distance to the apartment building she'd spent the last three years making her home.
Walking through the front door, the first thing she did was peel the wet clothes from her body and head straight to the bathroom to throw up again.
The entire apartment smelt of him.
She took a longer shower this time- Israeli drought be damned- washed every inch of her body and wondered if she'd be able to keep any food down...the weird thing was she had felt so hungry thi...
"Oh no" Kate told herself as she turned off the water and looked down at her flat stomach, finally putting the clues together,
"Ohh no, no, no, no, no,"
She clambered out of the shower and rushed to the cupboard under the sink, pushing aside her numerous beauty products to find the small bag of goods that Eli had given her last month.
Pulling it open she rummaged past the pre-natal vitamins until she felt the square box under her fingers and fished the pregnancy kit out.
Sighing with relief she set it on the counter, thanking her lucky stars her would-have-been father-in-law had the subtlety of a flying brick.
'I want grandchildren' had been the explanation handed to Ari and Kate when the bag had been dropped in her lap, 'Preferably two or three'
That night, after Eli had left, Ari had gone into the bedroom and checked his condoms for sabotage, and if Kate remembered correctly; they'd had to throw an entire packet out.
Ari was a doctor and Kate refused to have a child outside of wedlock, so not only did he use protection but she was on the pill, they used contraception every time...
Except for the times they hadn't.
She remembered that night a few weeks back when they'd staggered out of a nightclub at three in the morning and couldn't find a cab, she'd started kissing him and they'd ended up having sex in an alleyway. Then there was the time after that they'd been at the beach house in Haifa and made love in the ocean...and then on the way home they'd stopped at a secluded park for a picnic and gone a bit too far...
Now that she thought about it, she should have taken this test a lot sooner- possibly when the father of her maybe-child was still alive.
Cursing, she reached out to pick up the box only to find that her hands were shaking, she fumbled and the test fell from her hand and onto the floor. Shivering now, she decided to leave it there for the moment and come back when she felt better, when she felt more capable of discovering whether or not she carried the only remnant of the man she loved inside of her.
Stepping into the bedroom, Kate looked outside and the part of her still able to comprehend the world around her was stunned to see that night had fallen, that the longest, worst day of her life had ended. Climbing onto the bed, automatically heading to her side, she registered the sweat on her body and lay atop the blankets, stretching out and closing her eyes- exhaustion caught up with her and she immediately fell asleep.
She woke to the feeling of a warm, calloused palm running across her stomach. Still half-asleep, she enjoyed the warmth and sighed, lifting her body towards the caress. The hand ran up to her left breast and squeezed, teasing her nipple until it hardened. She gasped and opened her eyes, seeing a figure cast in shadow sitting on the edge of the bed. Her exhausted, grief stricken brain slowly acknowledged that she must be dreaming and she reached out, hoping that her imaginary seducer would take Ari's form. Her hands fell short of the figure, but he realised her intent and covered one of her hands with his own, guiding it over her body as her breathing quickened. He slid it down to her thighs and up to stroke her pubic hair before releasing it to slip his fingers into her, moaning she arched her body again as her dream lover brought her to the edge of an orgasm and over before pulling her panting form down the bed and into his arms.
She kissed him and felt stubble against her cheek, she was surprised that her mind was processing senses in her dream but knew that the imagination could be powerful enough to confuse it with reality.
Besides, the sooner this ended, the sooner she woke up and remembered she was alone.
Eager now, she tugged at the shirt her dream lover was wearing, frowning with disgust when her hands touched some drying mess on the fabric, pulling it away she realised she smelt blood.
"You're bleeding" she murmured to her imaginary seducer and he sighed,
"It is not mine precious" he whispered, "In fact I don't even know whose it is"
Kate nodded and allowed this to settle within her for a few heartbeats before the shock she had been suffering once again gave way to adrenaline.
"Oh my God!" she screeched, pulling back and sliding up the bed so fast her head span, quick as she could she hit the bedside lamp and bathed the room in a bright glow.
"It's you!" she continued staring in stunned disbelief at the man before her.
Ari only looked at her with a cocktail of confusion, concern and fatigue, "Caitlin, you are on our bed in our apartment, who did you think was making love to you?"
Kate didn't answer; instead she scrambled off the bed and rushed to the living room, grabbing the kitchen bench for support as she reached for the phone, her fingers felt thick and heavy, she hit several wrong buttons and had to keep starting again. She flinched as the lights turned on and dropped the phone to the floor; cursing she bent to pick her up but Ari beat her to it. Turning her shaking form around, he stared deep into her eyes,
"Caitlin" he whispered her name cautiously, like he would an ER patient, "Who are you trying to ring?"
Kate could only stare at him for a few seconds while she tried to process her thoughts, and comprehend that her dead lover was standing in front of her,
"Um, Ziva...no wait she's sedated...um Adina, she's answering the phones at the moment"
She was babbling again and trembling violently she stepped forward and pressed herself against her boyfriend's body, turning her head til she could hear his faint heartbeat through his clothing and smell him past the odour of blood and death.
With an arm wrapped about her to support her naked frame, Ari dialled the number and held the phone to his ear; she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck when she heard the call connect, and Adina's weary voice on the other end,
"Shalom?"
"Adina, it's me...something is wrong with Caitlin, she wants to speak to you"
There was a brief pause and Ari reached down to press the phone to her ear but she shook her head and he sighed, bringing it back up to his ear,
"Alright she doesn't want to speak to y-...what? Of course it's me Adina who else...clearly I am alive because I'm speaking to you- you thought I was dead?...No...by sheer miracle I am alive"
He laughs then and Kate is chilled by the bitterness that escapes him, he hangs up and puts the phone back in the cradle, releasing her and stalking over to the couch, nervously and perhaps still stunned by his sudden reappearance in her life, she continues standing there until he laughs again and looks up at her, his eyes dark and wild.
"According to Adina apparently Rubenstein did all this to harm me" he exclaimed, breaking the momentary silence, "By Allah he is an idiot Caitlin...an estimated ten thousand dead and I'm not even one of them, who else in the history of mankind has ever murdered ten thousand men, women and children and still managed to miss their target?"
He laughs again but quite suddenly doubles over and buries his face in his hands, moaning as the grief ripped through him like something physical,
"Men, women, children, my clinic, my home, my mosque, my favourite tea house, the orphanage, the school...gone, all gone!"
He wanted to sob and Kate was so sure of this reaction that she hurried across the floor to take him in her arms, and rain kisses on his face, "It's okay, it's okay"
Even as she speaks she knows the words are ridiculous, but if there is a guide out there that teaches the proper etiquette for interacting with someone who has just lost their entire world Kate sure as hell hasn't seen it in the bookstores.
Heck, she shouldn't even be here, Caitlin Todd is an American, death isn't in her blood, what she knows of suffering and loss doesn't even begin to compare to the knowledge attained by the Israeli people from birth. She is struck with a sudden longing for Washington, to be safe and warm in a city where decisions to commit mass murder aren't based on a personal dislike of one human being, where the deaths of thousands of people is an atrocity that is committed in far off places, not villages that she could reach in a few hours.
She is positioned awkwardly on Ari's lap, trying to cover his tall frame with her small body, so he has to look up to meet her eyes, but when he does the emptiness in them chills her to the bone.
He kisses her, tasting her lips and delving his tongue into her mouth, his hands running up and cupping her breasts as she slides off his lap onto the couch, spreading her legs as he climbs atop her.
When he enters her he's still wearing his clothes. His dried shirt flicking specks of blood and dirt onto Kate's stomach and his pants only lowered enough for access. It isn't the first time they haven't both been completely undressed during sex, but before it had been because of mutual urgency or because they had been in semi-public areas. Now their lovemaking seems distant, impersonal, both of them are distracted by the ten thousand corpses between them, both questioning their participation in the crime.
When he collapses upon her, spent, she kisses his temple absently and runs her fingers through his hair,
"Come with me to Washington" she whispers in his ear and he turns his head to the side and shrugs,
"Why not?"
His harsh laughter is cut off seconds later when they hear the familiar sound of Ziva's boots as she jumps up the stairs calling his name.
Three days later, Kate slung her purse over her shoulder as her chauffeured car pulled into place, taking a breath before she opened the door; she stepped out and was immediately swamped by the press, armed with photos and questions. She did her best to ignore them and set her eyes on the building before her, pushing her way through the crowd. Thankfully the Franciscan priests had noticed her arrival and opened the church doors, allowing her to quickly slip inside the iron-wrought gates and into the sanctuary of the St Peter's church. She quietly exhaled in relief and made her way to the altar where Father Mattei was deep in conversation with two of the congregation,
"Father" she whispered respectfully as she approached, breaking up the party of three,
"Caitlin my child" he murmured, pulling her close in a gentle hug, "I was so glad to hear God had protected you"
'If only He had chosen to save the rest as well' she mused sadly, but instead she offered a small smile, "Thank-you for agreeing to do this" she responded, gesturing at the gathering around her.
Two days ago Father Mattei had rung her and Ari's apartment, frantic over the rumours in the media that they had both been killed in Khan Yunis. When she had assured him they were both fine he had tentatively suggested a Mass, to mourn the passing of the civilians. A foreigner, like herself, he didn't harbour the prejudice many Israeli's felt towards the Palestinians and considered any act of violence a tragedy. She took him up on the offer in an instant and the two of them had spent the rest of the day contacting the congregation to alert them to the impromptu Mass.
Meanwhile Ari had already visited the Great Mosque of Jaffa, on the same day that Eli and several of his close work colleagues had made an appearance at the Western Wall, Ziva had organised prayers at the Great Synagogue in Allenby Street and Adina had led their extended family and friends in multiple times. As a united front they were making a statement to the world- a statement the media were quickly supporting by hailing Khan Yunis as a cruel, senseless massacre.
The Israeli Army had released a statement to the papers the morning after the attack, stating that they had been acting on information handed to them claiming several Hamas operatives had been training followers in the village. When asked to provide proof, the spokesperson had seen the way public opinion was shifting and told the press to ask Mossad for details.
Sensing the opportunity of a lifetime, Eli had released a statement announcing that he had in no way shape or form known about the supposed threat or attack and as Director of the Kidon he naturally would have been informed if Mossad had such intel. Especially considering his own son had been born in Khan Yunis and was well known for his constant traversing between the village and Israel.
Several high ranking members of Mossad recognised the comment for the warning that it was and had also emerged claiming to have had no idea that such a missile launch had been planned; certainly they would never have condoned it knowing the risk of a Mossad operative being in the region at the time.
Director Adir and Schmuel Rubenstein had taken refuge in their palatial mansion, refusing to give comments or issue any official reports.
Eli, Ziva and Kate spent hours discussing this, trying to figure out what their next move would be, whether Adir would resign or if they should call for his resignation. The Israeli government would never charge one of their own with a war crime, not without running the risk of destabilising their party, but people the world over were crying out in horror and fury- they would have to take some action lest they be considered the instigators.
In the interim, the David's made sure to spread themselves across Israel, ensuring their outrage over the massacre was known and gathering support from the Israeli Palestinians and Christian Palestinians alike, many of whom followed their lead in attending services to mourn the dead.
Many like Kate were dressed in black as she knelt in the pew, bringing her hands together in prayer and squeezing them so tightly her knuckles turned white.
She wasn't thinking of the death in Khan Yunis however, the death she was mourning was even closer to home.
In the commotion caused by Ari returning home and his family coming to celebrate and confirm his life with their own two hands, the pregnancy test had flown Kate's mind until her lover had discovered it the next morning. When she had taken it after breakfast it had read positive, when she'd gone to the bathroom after lunch she'd found spotting in her underwear and before the afternoon was out she was bleeding.
Technically she had been due for her period and technically it was possible that the test had given them a false positive. But despite this Kate believed that she had been carrying Ari's child and that the horror of Khan Yunis and her temporary belief that he had been dead had caused her to miscarry.
Somehow this had shattered them both in a way nothing else had.
Ari had consented to one public appearance at the Western Wall, but after that he had withdrawn from the world and even his own family. He spent his days on his mother's old prayer mat in the living room, sometimes sitting there for hours on end, joined by Tony whom Eli had brought in the hopes of giving his son some comfort. Kate's dog would curl up on a cushion beside the mat and watch her owner with sad eyes, sensing his silent grief.
Since the night they had last made love Kate had said nothing more to him about returning to Washington but she instinctively knew that where she went Ari would follow.
After all, he believed that she was all he had left.
A/N- See darker- Ari's grief is going to be exceptionally evident in following chapters