The night settled in and Cullen never showed up for dinner. Azzura was worried for him. Evelyn's words had an impact on the Commander, that she could see; what she couldn't understand was why he stood locked in his tower.
She tried to give him space and to not bother him often; if he needed time she was more than happy to wait. She saw him that evening and still she was missing him so much already.
Placing some food on a tray, Azzura decided that it was time to talk to Cullen; she wouldn't be able to sleep not knowing that he was all right.
Arriving at his office's door, the guard standing nearby blocked her path.
"My Lady, the Commander said that he doesn't want to be disturbed. Please, can you come back tomorrow morning?"
She bit her lips thinking if maybe she could knock the guard unconscious. The man did only his job, following his Commander's orders, he didn't deserve that fate.
"I want to see if he needs dinner. Can I at least have five minutes with him?"
The man looked around unsure. "My Lady, Ser Cullen was saying nobody meaning messengers and officers … he didn't tell anything about you." – Then the guard gave her a double meaning look. She smiled at the guardsman. "I promise that you won't get in trouble. I will talk to him."
The pain won't go away; the back of his head felt like someone hit him with a maul, his temples pulsated with thousands of needles and his eyes throbbed. He kept them closed, the poor light coming from a candle making him whimper in pain.
His hands shook so bad that he gave up in keeping them on the table. His breath was heavy and every gulp of air he took was not enough to help him ventilate the fever building inside. Cullen tried to stand but his legs betrayed him, making him fall with a great thud. He couldn't tell where the real world ended and the eerie surroundings began. He looked at the ceiling without actually seeing it, he tried to call the guard outside but nothing escaped from his lips except of a low, rasping growl. Finally the pain took pity on him and Cullen lost his senses.
When Azzura opened the door she was surprised by the pitch black dark reigning inside. She wanted so bad to summon a mage light, but wasn't possible. Carefully she went to the table and placed the tray of food on it; her foot hit something soft and she backed off, startled.
Squinting, trying to adjust the eyes to the dim light in the room, Azzura found a half used candle on a shelf nearby and lit it.
When she turned to check the place with the soft thing lying on the floor, Azzura froze in shock. Cullen stood still, unconscious and his face was bathed in sweat.
She ran to him and dropped on her knees near to his body.
"Cullen! Wake up, talk to me! Please! Mythal's mercy, what is going on with you? Cullen, please!" – She started to cry and kiss his eyes, keeping his head in her lap. "Cullen, love, wake up!" – Her tears washed his cheeks, but Cullen gave no sign to regain his consciousness. Azzura looked helpless around the room trying to figure out what to do. She wanted to call the guard standing outside but Cullen gave the order to be left alone; maybe it wasn't a good idea to let the soldier see him that way. She closed her eyes and started to call the only being that could help her in that moment.
"Flemeth, please let me help him. I need my powers! I beg you!"
The Witch of the Wilds never spoke to her but Azzura felt the surge of magic flowing through her veins, so powerful that she feared that every Templar around would start running to Cullen's office.
Outside the office, the Seeker felt the immense shift in the Veil, coming from Cullen's tower. Stopping the alarmed men, she ran to the door and forced it open, with the sword drawn. Taking in the scene unfolding in front of her, Cassandra closed the door behind her.
The Warden cradled Cullen's body in her arms and glowed a blue aura, blue tendrils advancing on Cullen's chest and head.
"What are you doing?" – When she saw Azzura's eyes, filled of tears and sadness, the Seeker knew that the Hero didn't mean any harm to him; the pain she could read on the other woman's face was too big and sincere. Slowly, she kneeled next to the Commander's body. "You can't heal him; not from lyrium withdrawal pains."
"What? Cullen's doesn't take lyrium anymore?" – Cassandra hated herself for letting that secret slip, but she was a soft heart for romance and what she saw between Cullen and Azzura couldn't be mistaken; it was love.
"No, he doesn't take it anymore. He stopped when he joined the Inquisition." – Cassandra worked to Cullen's chest plate, trying to take it off. "We can't let him on the floor and we can't put him on his bed. No one knows of his burden, I can't call for help. The Herald is outside Skyhold, hunting with Iron Bull."
Cleaning the tears from her face, Azzura searched the room for the only thing she needed for her spell to work. When she couldn't find it she turned to Cassandra with an embarrassed smile.
"Can you find me a plant? Growing in a vase, possibly."
The Seeker gave her the are you nuts look. "I need it for my spell. I can't grow plants from the stones, even if people think that being a mage I can do anything."
The other woman went to find a plant, still wondering if Azzura was sane and Amell started to work on Cullen's armor. He was still unconscious, trying to move him it was like trying to move a crate filled with silverite ore.
Cassandra was back, holding a flower in a pot. "I stole it from Josie's room; I just hope she won't have questions later." – When she saw Azzura fighting with Cullen's armor, for the first time since the Seeker met her, she smiled to the Warden.
"I am familiar with the Templar armor, but this thing he wears now is above my comprehension. "
Several minutes later, Cullen was stripped down to his breeches and shirt. Amell checked his pulse one more time and brushed his hair away from his eyes. Watching the soft curls forming around his forehead due to the sweat still pouring out, Azzura couldn't stop kissing them, unaware of the Seeker who was looking at her with open mouthed awe.
"How much I missed these curls, my sweet Cullen." – Then placing the plant next to her she made intricate patterns in the air with her fingers, speaking in elven. Small vines sprouted from the plant and grew stronger with every word she spoke; then they advanced on Cullen's unmoving body and wrapped him slowly. Azzura rose to her feet and made a move with her hand; the vines lifted the man and soon they climbed the ladder to his room. Cassandra, still gawking at what she witnessed didn't dare to speak, afraid to break the mage's concentration.
Soon they had Cullen on his bed and Azzura blinked when she saw the hole in his roof.
"What the … "
"I suppose he will fix it … someday" – The Seeker assured her. "Is that a hedge witch spell you just did?"
"If you will start giving me the Chantry propaganda talk, can we have it later?" – Summoning cold water in a glass, Azzura tried to help Cullen drink; he was half conscious now.
"I was merely interested at the spell, really. That's why you need the plant?"
"Yes. To convince a plant to do your will you have to infuse it with enough magic from the Fade. "– She turned to Cullen who was trying to articulate some words, still wriggling in pain. "Don't move, I will try to ease some of the pain in our head first."
Then she turned her eyes to the Seeker. "This crisis, how long it lasts?"
"Last time he was ill for two days; but I never seen one this bad before. I can't tell how much he will need to recover."
"We … leave … afterto …morrow. Can't let my men…" – He tried to rise but Azzura pushed him back.
"So, I was right. You keep this a secret. Cullen, I don't think you can come with me in your condition; not until you won't get better. I can delay the departure."
"No. We won't. "And he stirred, grasping the sheets with both hands and breathing trough greeted teeth. The tremors intensified again and he fought with what strength he had, to remain conscious.
Cassandra never witnessed the Commander's attacks of pain and seeing him like this grew her respect for him even more and in the same time made her heart break at his struggles. "He is a brave man, Amell. Don't take his dignity changing his plans. The troops will ask why and he won't be there to give them answers."
Clearing the tears away again and pushing back the lump in her chest, Azzura thought for a second, playing with the Shadowhunter's pendant.
"Can you help him bear the pain, Endurance?"
"Yes, but his muscles are already stiff; he wouldn't feel the pain but he won't be able to walk properly either."
"What if I help him by taking away the pain, would he be able to walk?"
"He would look like he took a fall from his horse and nothing more."
'Good."
"Wait! You can't do that! You saw how much he suffers; are you sure?"
"I would do anything if that means to give him a respite. Put your shield up for me please, we can do it."
"Are you all right?" – Cassandra touched Amell's shoulder, worried for her silence.
"Yes." – She took a deep breath and pulled Cullen to her chest – "I will do something that it's not easy for a healer. It's an old art, long forgotten…" – The Seeker rolled her eyes – "If I don't know by now that you are a fanatic of long lost magical arts … You and Solas could be best friends for life."
Despite her dislike for the Seekers Order, Azzura found herself begin to like the woman."
"Well, knowledge is power. Used wisely can be beneficial to everyone. I might need your help after this; for you to carry me to my rooms."
"What?"
"Seeker, the more we talk, more time Cullen will need to recover. If he wants to leave as planned, I need to take his pain; all at once."
"If I wasn't entirely convinced that everyone here is crazy, now I am. This army takes every kind of strange people, you just ad a number. You know what they say; if they are not crazy, we don't want them. Welcome to the Inquisition."
Azzura closed her eyes and concentrated to open her mind. The pain sipped through her bones, at first like a bee sting then thousands of needles pinched her skin. Her bones felt like were about to crack under the pressure and the chest got overwhelmed with the need for air.
"Maker! It's this what he has to suffer? I can't take it anymore."
"Keep it a little more. When all the pain is in your body, I will shield you. Some of the conditions might linger, though."
"I can handle it. Thank you Witty." – Azzura trembled with the increasing pain.
"I can't let this gorgeous being suffer. You know I am a weak spirit when we talk about handsome Templars. Shield ready for you."
Cassandra assisted for the first time to a scene she never thought possible, or at least that was what the Chantry said. The mage pulled her mana in the center of her body then it pushed it towards Cullen's chest. Now, both were enveloped into a white- blue aura, pulsing green at the edges. After a time that seemed like hours, that aura retreated into Azzura's trembling form.
The women saw Cullen relaxing immediately and opening his eyes. Azzura reacted quickly and sent him to sleep with a spell.
"That should take care of his desire to get back to work. He will sleep until I will come to wake him up."
Diligently, she pulled his shirt over his head, and then unlaced his trousers.
"Help me take these off." – Cassandra's cheeks flamed red and she looked away. "I – I can't do that! It's the Commander!" – Her voice shrieked with outrage.
Amell breathed heavy under the pain but she still found the power to tease the Seeker. "Oh! Come on! Don't tell me that you never asked yourself how the Commander looks, under all this armor."
Cassandra made a sign to deny what the Warden insinuated but she still peeked from under her lashes at Cullen's body. Pulling the breeches off, she made a disgusted noise. "We should not abuse of him this way. He is unconscious and better he never finds out that I was here, taking off his pants."
Azzura shrugged, a coy smile on her lips. "Well, I will abuse him when he wakes up then."
After she covered Cullen's body- now stripped to his smalls- in a blanket, Azzura helped by Cassandra made their exit out of his tower. Without a second thought, she placed a repulsion glyph right at the entrance.
"I understand the wards of silence and Fade repulsion, but what is the need of this?"
"It's against those who will try to disturb him … and against Jim."
"I … see. The Commander needs rest; I agree. I just hope no one will be hurt by hitting that glyph."
"Seeker, you never worked with mages that long, I suppose; well except when you hunted and interrogated them, right?" – Azzura realized that she was a bit too harsh when she saw Cassandra's face hardening. – "I'm sorry, really. It's just that your order is not one of my favorites."
"Every order has its flaws, mistrust built over the centuries; it's not your fault. Although, I don't understand your hate for the Seekers; did you run into them before?"
They arrived in Azzura's chambers and Cassandra wanted to leave when the other woman showed her a chair. "Take a seat, please." Then she let herself fall on the bed.
"You asked me why I hate the Seekers. That's a good question. The only time when I heard about what the Seekers can do, it was the day when I swore that I will kill those who made my Templar suffer."
"Your Templar." – Cassandra began to understand who that Templar might be after the display of deep affection she witnessed earlier. "It was Cullen?"
Amell rolled her eyes. "Well, this is a rumor around the keep anyway, not that we are hiding or something. Yes, Cullen was my Templar assigned to guard over me … and my lover, before the Blight."
The Seeker's eyes were glinting and she bent towards Azzura. "Really? And they never discovered you?"
"It's complicated. Eventually, both of us were betrayed by one of our friends. I had to leave in a hurry. The First Enchanter had a Grey Warden friend; Irving sent him a quick message and Duncan arrived and recruited me into the Grey Wardens. I left the same night, without saying goodbye to anyone; Cullen thought I left him too. We had to make him believe that. Then the Seekers came; they interrogated him about his relationship with a mage and … they tortured him."
Cassandra denied with an incredulous stare. "It's not possible! The regulations always were clear about that. If a Templar had an affair with a mage, either they were transferred in different Circles or …" – Azzura interrupted her. " Or what? The mage had to be made Tranquil in front of the poor Templar? Let the poor man watch every day, as long both of them lived, the husk who became his former love? Strip every emotion from one and make the other suffer forever?"
The Seeker was quiet; for her entire life she was blinded by her duty; she never gave a thought to those regulations. The Chantry said it was a mercy and a punishment in the same time but how many people suffered because of that? How many mages and Templars had their hearts ripped from their chests because they dared to defy the clergy and find the only emotion worth living, loving each other?
"Tell me, Seeker. Do you know what love is?" – Cassandra tried to answer but Amell stopped her. "No, of course not. Why would you? So didn't, the two Seekers who came to take my love from me. They set the lyrium in his blood on fire. They made him scream in pain and they laughed at him because he dared to love a mage. What they did after? They erased his memories about his torture! I bet if you ask him right now, he will tell you that they had a nice talk and the Seekers patted him on the back, feeling sorry for his broken heart. Understand this; Cullen never needs to know about what he went through; never!"
"How do you know that? You weren't there." – Cassandra 's voice was barely a whisper. She was shocked to discover how much Cullen had to endure along his entire life.
"I know because the Knight – Commander and the First Enchanter told me! They gave me news about him, always. Two days after the Seekers left, Uldred decided to take on the Tower. Cullen was tortured, again! When I found him …" – Azzura's voice cracked – "… when I found him, he was dehydrated, starving and in lyrium withdrawal. At first I thought that he lost his mind but he didn't. He resisted torture and he survived all the time until I got there. Leliana was with me when we found him; she knows. And that's why I give you a warning, in advance. When I find these two Seekers, I will kill them."
Cassandra wanted to laugh at Amell's presumption of being able to kill a Seeker.
"Do you know that the Seekers can subdue mages, right? Their power is greater than a Templar's."
If Cassandra didn't dare to laugh, Azzura did it, loud even. "Ah, the merriment. See? That's why sometimes people are so predictable; set them on a certain path and they won't go astray. Do you really think I would face a Seeker as a mage? I trained in close combat with a shield and sword, a greatsword even. I don't need to be a mage to pick up on someone."
"That's why you wear heavy armor! I thought you were just goofing around, no offense intended." – Cassandra gave her an appreciative look. "I would like to test what you know. Practice with a Seeker might help you."
Azzura fell from the bed, literally. She was trying to put a pillow under her back when Cassandra surprised her. The Right Hand jumped to pick up the other Right Hand from the floor. "Are you all right?"
Amell was still gapping at her. "I- yes, yes! I'm fine." She stood on her bed and squinted at the Seeker. "Let me get this straight. I tell you that I want to kill someone from your own Order and you offer to train me? Why?"
Cassandra turned her back to the Warden and sighed. "Because what you told me it never supposed to happen in my Order. I joined the Seekers wishing to defend the weak, to fight corruption, to defend the Chantry; I did not joined to abuse my power; I did not joined to torture people. After the explosion at the Conclave, I discovered truths that are not what I wanted to hear. I witnessed someone from my own Order hit a Revered Mother, I have heard that my own ex- commanding officer allowed an envy demon to take his appearance and lead the Templars to their fall. I can't allow this, not anymore. Lord Seeker Lucius lost his way … "
"Lucius? You mean he is the leader of the Seekers?'
"Yes. Why?"
"He was one of the Seekers who tortured Cullen!"
Cassandra felt sick. "Are you sure? Maybe it was someone else? With the same name?"
"No. I have made some research about him, long time ago. Lord Seeker Lucius Corin wasn't the man you thought he was. He hid very well his true nature."
"I don't know where he is; the entire Order disappeared. I am worried, you know? Leliana told me that she's looking into it.' – Cassandra sounded so helpless, Azzura felt pity on her. Seeing everything you stood for crumbling around you it wasn't an easy task for no one.
"It's not your fault; you believed in your duty. Maybe this is what you get when you put everything behind; when you give up everything you want, to do your duty? How does it feel?"
Cassandra closed her hands into fists and turned to face Azzura. "You are a hypocrite, you know that? You tell me that I did my duty blindly; but what about you? You did your duty towards your Circle at the cost of your lover's body and soul. You choose to put Alistair Theirin on Ferelden's throne by any means; just to give to your country the King it deserved, at what cost? Even now, you work for Tevinter splitting your loyalty between them, your Wardens and the Inquisition. What will you choose if it comes to a conflicting interest? Don't tell me that I don't know what love is! You are not better than me in that field." – Azzura opens her mouth to reply but she closed it back. The Seeker had a point, she could read her better than Amell could realize by her own.
"Do you think you are the only one to break the rules by loving someone you were forbidden? Don't pretend to know me, only because I am a Seeker that I don't have a heart. I loved a mage once; his name was Regalyan and he died at the Conclave. You think you are the only one asking over and over again what if?"
Azzura received in silence the dressing-down from Cassandra. And for the first time she understood that she deserved it.
"I … am sorry. I have made the same mistake everyone does; judging people without knowing them. Everyone told me about you being a wonderful person and I didn't listen to them. Maybe it's time to fix that. Does the training session offer still stand?"
A flicker of amusement showed up on Cassandra's lips. "You are ready to train for real? Because what you did with the Commander it wasn't training, at all."
Azzura groaned. "Everyone still remembers that day?"
"That's how the rumors about you two started."
They were deep in the night when Casandra said her farewell, making sure that Azzura will check on Cullen in the morning.
The sun rose in the sky and Azzura rolled on the other side, burying her face in the pillow. The pain in her body subsided in a dull ache but she felt better than the previous night. She was not able sleep that much, the pain making her toss in her bed and also the conversation had with Cassandra kept her awake.
When she gathered the will to get up and dress it was about mid-day.
"Maker's balls! Cullen!" – She really forgot that she put him under the sleep spell and he won't awake by his own. A couple of minutes later she stormed in the kitchen and replenished a plate with food; the cook just stared at her with a pot in her hands.
She ran all the way back to Cullen's tower and took the steps two at once, saluting the soldiers passing by. When she stopped at his door she saw that the ward was disrupted. The same guard from the previous evening greeted her with bloodshot eyes.
"Lady Amell! Knight Captain Lawrence said that the next time you put a repulsion ward on the floor you should add a warning sign."
"He stepped on it then?"
"Yes. Before I had time to tell him not to. He left saying something about Trevelyans and locked mages."
She shot a rejuvenation spell at the man who felt slightly better after that and he smiled, grateful.
"I took the night turn too My Lady. I didn't want someone else to be here. Is … the Commander all right?"
"Yes. He is. Go get some rest and don't worry, I will be with him. Thank you for staying last night."
She left the plate on the table and climbed the ladder to the loft. Walking as softly as possible she approached the bed where the Commander still slept. She drowned her eyes in his naked body. Cullen slept outstretched on his back, with a hand touching the floor and the other hugging a pillow. His hair fell over his eyes in loose curls. She admired his broad chest and arms with fine sculpted muscles from years of combat. She dared to look at his mid- section where his small clothes drifted away in his sleep. The same curly blond hair jumping out from his smalls made her take a deep breath.
Good Maker! He's sick and I am imagining taking his smalls off!
She stood on the bed near him and with a smooth touch she pushed his hair back from his eyes.
"My sweet sleeping Knight. It's time to wake up." – Then she deposited a soft kiss on his forehead. Cullen mumbled something then turned on his belly and hugged the pillow. "Go away, Jim."
Azzura had to bite her lips and added a hand to cover them; stifling a laugh she had to admit that the Commander was well after all, if he was imagining Jim disturbing him from his sleep. She brushed her fingers over his bare skin, up and down on his back. To her dismay, instead of waking up, Cullen purred and arched his body under her fingers.
"Are we enjoying that, now. If I remember something from our days, there is another thing you liked way better."
Miracle of miracles, she still had access to her magic; she cooled her hands with a soft winter spell and placed them both on his neck and shoulders. Continuing towards his hair, she tugged at his golden locks a little.
"Oh, my Commander! You take your time waking up. That's wonderful."
Cullen hummed and stretched like a cat under her ministrations, the coolness of her hands and the healing spell combined, made him stir lazily. He turned to face the origin of that calming presence and opened his eyes to stare at Azzura's wicked grin.
"Hello there, sleeping beauty."
He yelped and looked at his state of undress; faster than he thought possible he grabbed the pillow and covered his half naked middle.
"H-hello?" – Azzura began to laugh seeing him reddening with embarrassment.
"Really, now?" – She contemplated his body with an appreciative look. "I must say that I loved your body when we were younger, but the Maker favored you lately. You look like a God!"
He spluttered and tried to hold onto the pillow which Azzura lifted without shame.
"I am … naked! Why I am naked? Did we? How? When?"
She pretended to think a little. "So many questions; one would say that you are a blushing girl, Commander." – She yanked the pillow and threw it on a barrel, away from Cullen's grasp. "Stop it. You have nothing I haven't seen before." – He cupped his hands over his crotch.
"Uhm … first explain why you are here?" – Suddenly, he changed his mind and grabbed her waist pulling her over him, and then he rolled and pinned her on the bed.
She giggled at him. "Two can play this game, mage. So, what you are up to?" – His lips were so close of hers; Azzura prayed for strength, she won't kiss him right now. Instead she placed her hands on his shoulders and began to trace small circles around them.
"Last night I came to bring you dinner but I found you unwell. Cullen, why didn't you tell me that you stopped taking lyrium?"
He rolled away from her and looked at the roof. Azzura played with his hair, soothing magic passing through her fingers, making him close his eyes.
"I stopped when I joined the Inquisition. I don't want to be tied again. Sometimes the symptoms are easier, just headaches and muscles pains." – He looked in her eyes, worried. "Last night it was bad? I can't remember how I got here."
"A bit worse for wear but nothing a good sleep can't fix." – She decided to avoid telling him about how she took his pain; making him feel grateful wasn't her intention. "How do you feel right now? Any pain?"
He smiled warmly at her, and then kissed the knuckles of one of her hands. "No. I feel just fine; I don't know what you did, but it worked. Thank you." He inhaled deeply and shifted uncomfortable in bed. Azzura frowned, thinking that he lied to her regarding his pain, and then her gaze fell on his smalls, which now seemed very uncomfortable to her Commander. Another appreciative look down there made him blush every shade of red possible.
"I see that you do have some pain, after all. Want me to take care of that?" – If she couldn't be more straightforward than that, who else could?
She pouted when he rose from the bed and wrapped his bedsheet around his waist. Cullen saw that and his grin grew wider than before, every trace of shame now way behind him. He amazed at himself how easy he fell into the old habit being comfortable with her shameless flirting. She wanted him, badly, if he could tell by the wolfish look she gave to his middle and the wide eyes filled with anticipation.
"Well, my dear; after all the pain you made me go through all these years, don't think that you can win so easily."
He smirked and went to wash his face. "I will take up on your offer … when I will like, mage. You will have to work hard for it."
Azzura's mouth fell open. "What?"
He continued to wash, letting her drink on the sight of his broad chest. "We have a lot to discuss, I have a lot to think and you will have a lot … to wait."
"Are you telling me that you want to act like a blushing virgin? You want me to chase you?"
"Deal with it. It's in my right to set the terms of our reconciliation."
She groaned and spread her hands in helplessness. "Maker's mercy!"
"I would like to think you wanted to say; Cullen's mercy!"
Her frustration got to the limit and she got up. "Fine. I can't wait for the day when you will beg … "– He never gave her time to finish because he grabbed her and kissed her fiercely. She tried to convince him to let her tongue to taste his but with a chuckle he pushed her back. "Not going to happen soon. Now, I think we have work to do and since you kept me busy almost all day, I have some reports to sort out; you should get to work, they won't write by themselves."
Azzura narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head in disbelief but Cullen just showed her the ladder and invited her to go down to his office.
"To work, Amell."
She disappeared down on the ladder and he smiled, pleased with himself at how he handled things. His smalls still reminded him that it was a big mistake to send her away, when his needs were not satisfied, but Cullen was a man of great willpower and he will overcome this inconvenience like anything else.
He still felt unsure a little but he had no power left to fight her. He wanted her back in his life and maybe they finally had a chance to be happy. The King's shadow reared in his mind. "Curse you, Theirin. She will be mine whatever you like it, or not."
When they were in the Circle, Cullen liked to be ordered around by her, he tried to please her in every little request she had. Now it was the time to change the cards on the table, and from the look on her face he took a liking in his newfound bossy attitude with her. Smiling, he descended from his room into the office, only to find it already cramped with different runners and messengers and Azzura writing diligently on his reports.