Chapter 13: The Second Barrier to Entry
Sheldon stares at the empty seats around him in anxious confusion wondering where Leonard went to so fast, but as soon as he faces forward again the poor guy is startled by the new gate keeper.
Summer Glau from Firefly, Dollhouse and the Terminator Chronicles is suddenly sitting right beside him on the train. She grins at Sheldon as she taps him on the shoulder.
Summer: "What up, Moon Pie!"
Sheldon gasps in shock then turns his body to face hers and stares at her.
Sheldon: "Summer Glau? But, I don't understand this. I just want to see Amy…please."
Summer: "Then tell me Sheldon why do you love this woman?"
Sheldon: "Summer, all though I've admired your work in motion pictures and television I must say I don't think that we have established the proper amount of social familiarity with one another for me to be discussing my personal life with you. Also, FYI only my meemaw is allowed to call me Moon Pie."
Summer: "Sheldon, I'm not the real Summer Glau! I'm only a figment of your imagination so come on spill it!"
Sheldon: "I don't care. This is silly. I know Tiny Spock said that I should express my emotions about Amy, but you see I don't like maudlin displays of emotion. Part of the reason Amy is so appealing to me is that she is the same way."
Summer pulls out a checklist and a pen. She doesn't allow Sheldon to see anything on her list, but she nods her head at Sheldon expecting him to continue speaking.
Sheldon: "I admitted my feelings once isn't that enough? Fine! If you most know more I guess I could tell you that Amy Farrah Fowler is an intelligent, accomplished neurobiologist. She loves science, cleanliness, technology, flags, koalas and cats just as much as I do. She makes me laugh because she is very comical, but not in an insipid way like most of my friends. She laughs at my jokes and engages my considerable intellect. Amy doesn't wear too much perfume like a lot of girls yet still smells nice due to her intoxicating dandruff shampoo. She doesn't wear provocative clothing on a regular basis which I like, but Amy has finally started wearing science fiction costumes which I love. She once performed surgery on her own feet and her understanding of the human brain is fascinating to me. I guess I could even venture to say that she sort of…..well I don't know!"
Sheldon frowns in frustration afraid to say anything more.
Summer: "Uh huh. Good, good that's all good, but Sheldon you're still just beating around the bush here. Tell me really why do you love this woman? Is there any chance that this Amy Farrah Fowler is your soul mate?"
Sheldon rolls his eyes annoyed with her questions.
Sheldon: "Dear Lord! Summer, now you're starting to sound like my mother. I don't see what having a soul has to do with any of this?"
Summer: "It has to do with getting past the surface level and onto something deeper and more real. I know you do not like being physically intimate with most people, but would you ever consider becoming physically intimate with Amy. There is nothing wrong with having an intellectually, mutually exclusive relationship, built on honesty and trust, but does she get you going?"
Sheldon: "What? Going where?"
Summer sighs and decides to be incredibly blunt with him.
Summer: "Sheldon, what I'm saying is would you ever even consider inflaming her loins like a wildebeest! I mean if it came right down to it and you had to choose which would it be a life without Amy in it at all or a life with her allowing yourself to express everything you both feel about one another emotionally and physically which would you choose then?"
Sheldon's mouth gaps open in confusion and shock. He is very uncomfortable with this question. His palms become sweaty and he starts to feel incredibly nauseated.
Sheldon stands up and moves out into the aisle away from her. He turns away from Summer Glau to think long and hard about this question. He desperately stares at the gate leading to the third train car wishing he could come up with his own way to open it without having to answer Summer Glau at all, but all he can think of is Amy's dandruff. He sighs in disturbed defeat.
Sheldon: "Are you saying that if I don't answer this question you won't let me through the gate."
Summer nods at him expecting an answer. Sheldon pouts and stomps his foot.
Sheldon: "This isn't fair! I don't come into your head and demand you be super honest with me!"
Summer: "Sheldon, if you're not ready for this commitment than just admit it. Amy deserves a guy who loves her mind and her body. For all you know she may never wake up again so why not just answer the question? You need to be totally honest and stop lying to yourself about how you really feel. You can't keep stringing her along forever just because you claim to care about her. You've seen how much it hurts Leonard that Penny's done that all these years. She won't admit her true feelings and neither will you. You blame her for what happened, but the truth is Amy was at the store to buy something for you too not just for Penny. Amy would do anything you asked her too if it meant she could be with you forever. If it meant that one day you would be willing to express your love for her. But, if you aren't willing to give her what she needs then you don't deserve her anymore than you deserved those Red Vines. You should just give up on her now. Go back to your old life of solitude and science because you Dr. Sheldon Cooper are not ready for love. "
Summer stands up ready to disappear and leave Sheldon alone with his thought to think about this all some more.
Sheldon feels himself getting hot under the collar. He abruptly swirls around to face her again and glares in defiance.
Sheldon: "Who are you to tell me what I'm ready for? You're just a pretty Hollywood actress with a reputation for being on canceled shows that shouldn't have been canceled in the first place; well all except for the Cape which lets face it was just awful."
Summer's mouth gaps open surprised by his insult and the sudden passion in his voice.
Sheldon: "I am completely capable of making love to a woman if I want to. I have aesthetically pleasing genitals and I know how to use them if needed! I had never met anyone that made me even consider wanting to have sexual intercourse until I met Amy. She's sexy and I know it! So you are wrong Summer Glau! I am not stringing her along at all. It's called playing hard to get, I read all about it in a book Leonard and Penny gave me! Most of what is in there is absolutely disgusting, but that doesn't change the fact that if Amy was here right now I'd coitus her brains out on this tiny train if it meant we could be together again."
Summer stares at Sheldon in amazement then she actually starts clapping her hands in delight.
Summer: "Finally! Congratulations Sheldon, you just passed the second barrier!"
She quickly walks over to him, reaches into his pants pocket and to Sheldon's surprise pulls out the key to open the second gate. She points at his pants and smirks at him.
Summer: "See, I knew you had in here all along!"
She takes the key and opens the gate for Sheldon. He grins happy with himself that he made it through this extremely awkward encounter with one of his favorite actresses. Sheldon walks through to the next train car, but then he stops to ask her one final question. He turns back around.
Sheldon: "Wait. Summer, may I have your autograph?"
Summer is gone already instead all that is left is her checklist which he sees lying on the floor. He looks down at it and to his delight the only thing written on it is her signature with a message that reads "Go get her, Moon Pie!"