It had been twelve weeks. Ino scowled at the slight baby bump, to the common eye it wasn't noticeable. It helped that she wore looser clothes to help conceal her growing belly. Her secret only had a little longer to live. She scrutinized every angle of her body in her full length mirror. She had to know if any particular stance would give her away, to her delight she was okay.
"Quit obsessing over the little things, or you'll drive yourself crazy." Her mother scolded. Ino offered a slight smile to her mother before dropping her gaze away from the mirror. She met her mom's eyes with a defeated sigh. There was only so much she could do now. She was in too deep to give up, for her sake and Shikamaru's. Elastic band pants were nearing her future and the judgmental looks were inevitable. Shikamaru was lucky, he didn't have to show the proof of their mistake. That's all it was, a mistake. Yes it brought them together, but what other good did it bring? Ino didn't believe there was. She bet Shikamaru thought it was a blessing. He was sentimental like that surprisingly. Maybe it was that he didn't have a father figure or that he babysits Mirai as a surrogate father. His bored expression always brightened when he felt her slowly growing belly. Ino had a suspicion he bought parenting books, he was always giving her tips that she didn't know existed. He even questioned her on baby names once, an idea she immediately shot down. She wasn't going to give their baby a name because that meant attachment. Ino knew giving up their baby was going to be one of the hardest things they would ever have to do. Why make it any harder? He was so focused on keeping it and she was so focused on adoption. She definitely questioned her choices, especailly now. Maybe they could make it as parents. Their parents could help out. Still adoption was the simpler option, it helped their baby and gave joy to its adoptive family.
"Have you decided on what to do about the baby?" Her mother asked. Ino shook her head with her signature pout. "He wants to keep it. I...don't know what I want." She shrugged. Her face marred with doubt and misery. She felt exhausted all day everyday. Her eyes were sunken and circled with darkness. Waves of nausea came over her constantly. The edges of her lips felt like thirty kind weights tugged them down into a permanent frown. She faked her usual cheerful demeanor around everyone else except herself and her mother. She even had Shikamaru fooled, a fact she was very proud of. She didn't want to worry him more than he usually does about her. Knowing she was was miserable would make him feel guilty, and Ino knew how much he let guilt overtake him. Guilt felt like a mountain on his shoulders. It didn't help that her blue eyes filled with concern over him, which only made him feel worse. Ino learned this from the sixteen years they knew each other.
"Well you still have time to decide, but you should choose soon. If you do choose the adoption route, waiting too long with the baby will only make it harder for you to lose it. And if you choose to keep it than that's more time for us to prepare for its arrival. But be one hundred and ten percent sure on your decision. Regrets are terrible things to hold onto." Her mother advised and stroked her daughter's platinum hair. Her face taking in Ino's somber appearance. She hated this side of her teenager. Naturally she got annoyed at her loud and overly perky nature, but it was so much better than the alternative.
"You look awful, you know that right?" Ms. Yamanaka scolded in her light tone. She meant it to be a joke, but it wasn't false. She knew her daughter was miserable. Ino gave a hollow laugh before moving onto her bed and curling up in the fetal position. Her knees were hugged to her chest and her face focused on her purple wall. It was the color of a violet, he father raised her to represent it. She was reminded of him constantly just by walking into her room. There was an air of morbidly in her room when she was alone. Like a ghost was always haunting it.
"Can I be alone right now?" Ino asked her mother, it was hardly a question, but more of a demand. Her mother obliged and quietly left the room, shutting the door behind her. Ino reached over and grabbed the picture on her bedside table, it was of her dad and her. She was seven and was showing him the first bouquet she ever made. The wild flowers were bended and sticking out between her fingertips, but there was so much joyful pride in her father's eyes. It was one of the only pictures of just the two of them, something Ino regretted. She always stuck her tongue out at him whenever he wanted to take a picture with her.
"I don't know if I want to cry, laugh, scream, punch something, be happy, or feel nothing at all. I don't know what's wrong with me." Ino's usually loud voice cracked just above a whisper at the picture. She feared with she raised her voice she'd break down. She waited for his assuring words, thinking he'd come out of the picture frame and hold her. The room was eerily silent except for the constant tick of the clock. Ino brought the floral bedspread over herself, a shield for her. Her face buried deep within the pastel colors. The picture inches from her face, she could just make it out with the edges of her vision.
He was always so proud of her when he was still living. Ino was sure she disappointed him now by being pregnant. That was something she couldn't bear to think about. Her dad was her personal cheerleader; he came to every art fair, every concert, every softball game, every graduation ceremony and made sure she could hear him from way up in the bleachers, there was nothing he was absent for. When she got ill he took off work to stay by her side and take care of her, even if it was just a little cold. He always carried bandages with him to heal the scrapes she received from her clumsiness. Her hand was always locked in his when they were out during festivals or other large gatherings. He could put her hair into a ponytail better and quicker than her mother. He kissed her goodnight even when she was already asleep. When she got scared he made sure to make her feel as safe and secure as possible and then some. He spoiled her rotten with every toy on the market.
"I'm sorry daddy." She croaked, her voice cracking at every word. She could still feel the soft pressure of his lips on her temple and the calluses on his hardworking hands. There was no doubt he was still watching over her. She could only imagine the pride draining out of his eyes. She figured he would've been at least a little relived that Shikamaru was the father. He trusted him above everyone, except himself, with Ino's well being. Shikamaru was the son of one of his best friends so he had that going for him. Inoichi admired the maturity and sense of responsibility Shikamaru held at his age. He knew Shikaku would pass on everything Shikamatu needed to be a success in life. Inoichi didn't like the idea of Ino spending hours a day with the boy, but it wasn't as terrible as he would've thought. He didn't have to worry about Shikamaru hurting her. He trusted he could keep her happy when he was away and he was never disappointed. He would have definitely preferred Ino to date Shikamaru over Sai, but he kept silent to maintain her happiness. He would do anything to keep his baby girl smiling without a care in the world. She was his little sunshine and the only rain cloud he let near her was Shikamaru.
"You know it wasn't planned or anything like that. I don't know what got into me, or him for that matter. I wish I could say it was unfair, but it's really not. We should have expected the worst consequence for our actions." She continued, her voice steadier than before. Her composure was returning thankfully. She had never tried to speak to her late dad, it was too traumatic. Now it was therapeutic to her, like wiping chalk off a chalk board. She could say what she was feeling to him and know he wouldn't judge her.
"If you were still alive would you forgive me? Do you forgive me?" She questioned hoarsely, hoping her mother wasn't eavesdropping. It wouldn't have done any harm either way.
"I'm sure he does." Her mother's voice answered from the door way. Ino rolled her eyes at her mother's annoying habit. She should've expected it all along. The weights on her lips eased, maybe only fifteen pounds instead of thirty. She felt an odd air of peace.
"How long have you been listening?" Ino asked.
"Just that last part." She assured. Her face in a sympathetic smile. It killed her to see her daughter crumbling. Her long platinum hair was loose around her face. She was only lying to herself by lying to everyone. She wished she could be obliviously naive about their situation like Shikamaru appeared to be. He didn't know how much strain the baby put upon her. There was no way he knew what to do when it came to being a father. All he did was try to persuade her into keeping their child nowadays. He always had a plan, but Ino doubted his plan was correct now. He was being selfish, only caring about his own feelings on the matter. He denied these accusations and called her the selfish one for depriving him of his baby. She wanted to yell at him that his mind was so clouded up with fantasies about parenthood that reality was completely different.
"I don't want any of it. I want to be a normal teenager again, is that so bad? Why does he want to be a parent anyway, isn't it too troublesome?" She muttered bitterly. Her voice was like cracked glass. Sharp and clear. She loved the guy, but he was so frustrating! Of course she would never admit she loved him to anyone but herself, there was no need to confuse things any further. She didn't know if he loved her back and was in no rush to find out.
"Why don't you ask him yourself, I already called him over. Figured you two need a quality talk." Her mother answered, her voice invoking pressure on her. Ino's eyes widened at the words. She thrust the blankets away from herself and rushed to her vanity. Her hands shuffled through the assorted makeup.
"You could've warned me first! He can't see me like this." She shrieked as she picked up her compact mirror.
"I think this is exactly what he needs to see." He mother shot back and plucked the mirror away. She decided Shikamaru needed to see what she was going through. It was the only way for him to understand her side. Ino narrowed her baby blue eyes at her mother.
"He's already here, I may have told him you got a raging fever to move those lazy legs of his." Ms Yamanaka added with a smirk. She was fully aware of his protectiveness when it came to Ino's health. Ino shot another glare at her mother before trudging down the stairs to meet her lazy boyfriend. She stopped on the steps to smooth out her tangled hair.
She immediately saw his signature spiky ponytail above the couch. His back was to her. "That was a dirty trick your mom pulled, I see where your evilness came from." He yawned with a light chuckle. She forced a smile on her lips as she sat beside him. His arm slid around her waist and she kept her face turned away from his view. His eyebrows scrunched at her gloomy state.
"What's the matter?" He questioned. He hated seeing her upset, something that he kept hidden even though people like Choji and Ino realized it. He acted aloof about the matter to anyone else.
She turned to face him, the sight shocked him. This was Ino Yamanaka, the girl that strived to look and be perfect. The girl he was looking at was not Ino, but a ghost of her. She radiated cheerfulness and optimism with every step she took. Her face always beamed, even if she was frowning. Her usually twinkling eyes were dull and surrounded by dark circles. She looked like the idea of sleep was a foreign topic. Her face was pale like always, but instead of being luminous it was sickly. He wanted to wrap a blanket around her and have her fall asleep on his shoulder. Anything to bring life back into her face.
"This baby is killing me. I'm exhausted but I can't fall asleep, that's insomnia right? I feel like I'm going to throw up all the time. The idea of losing everything is coming closer and I'm falling apart." Ino confessed with a gaze that chilled him. It felt like a mountain was lifted off her shoulders, but she still felt the weight off stress.
"But it's our baby, doesn't that make you feel happy?" Shikamaru replied, rubbing her arm in an effort to comfort her. His smirk melting into a slight smile. Ino hated how he was ignoring her.
"Aren't you listening to me? I don't want to keep it. I never have and I tried so hard to want to for you, but I can't. I can't love it like a mother because I'm not meant to be a mother yet. I'm sixteen and so are you, we are supposed to be be students stressing over exams and drama. We are not parents!" Ino burst, her eyes stinging with hot tears. Ino made up her mind and she couldn't be swayed. She didn't have the maternal instinct, she didn't want to throw away the rest of her youth to become a mother. She wasn't going to be a bad mother to her baby either, something she feared.
"If you knew you didn't want to keep it then why did you string me along and act like there was still a chance?" He asked darkly. He removed his arm from around her and kept it clenched at his side. His face was a mixture of hurt, anger, and betrayal. She had deceived him yet again.
Before she could respond he was already speaking, "But that's what you do right? You toy with my emotions. You lead me on and then rip everything away. You made me feel like the biggest scumbag when you isolated me after we had sex like I did something wrong. You went on and on about Uchiha and Sai, not caring that I hated every word of it. When we were kids you kissed me and then said it meant nothing. And now you couldn't even tell me the truth about what you wanted. Did I want to hear you wanted to give out baby up, no. But it would've been better than you hiding it and letting me grow to love it." He shouted at her. He only raised is voice once, maybe twice a year at most. That's how he showed it was important. Ino was the yeller in their relationship.
He made his way to way door without another sound. His knuckles were turned pearly white as they were clenched into fists. He heard her quiet sniffling, almost a sob but not quite. He knew Ino wasn't going to cry in front of him after what he just said. She has too much pride. His hand was on the doorknob when the sound stopped. He turned around and had just the right amount of time to catch the collapsed girl.