It was a nasty realisation, horrifying and terrible. So awful it kept him laid up in his flat for days without even a thought to the outside world excepting Holly. She was all he could think about.
Potter.
When would that change?
What would she become?
Smith.
Jones.
Weasley.
Holly Evans Blank.
Holly Evans Blac-
"No," he hissed the word fiercely, sitting up rigidly on the sofa.
Malfoy.
Snape.
"Bloody Merlin," a miserable mumble.
That thought was genuinely terrifying and completely impossible. He was losing his grip on reality, mind wandering down into the depths of insanity. She would never.
But what if she did?
Holly liked potions; same as her mother, she was a near prodigy. She didn't hate Snape and he didn't loathe her like he did Harry, the git. He let her loose at Christmas.
She wouldn't.
She couldn't.
He was old.
She claimed to like an older man.
"For fuck's sake," he put his head in his hands. This was hopeless. The awful idea was real enough and the longer he dwelt on it the more it seemed almost plausible. She could like Snape. She could. He could see it happening. Lily'd confessed long ago to harbouring near romantic feelings for her childhood friend and they all knew how Snape felt about her. What if his feelings shifted? What if hers did?
"Lily wouldn't let it happen," he spoke the affirmation aloud. "James wouldn't."
But they were both at least semi-okay with Holly's current declaration; what if she changed her mind? They wouldn't stop her if she meant it, couldn't more like.
And he couldn't count on them to keep her single.
He knew it wasn't just Snape he was vehemently opposed to, it was anyone. No one was good enough for Holly. No one would love her enough, they could never know her so well as to love everything about her. Not the way he did. The way he always would.
"...forever seems like a long time to you. Like it would get boring."
There was nothing boring about Holly Evans Potter and no, he would never tire of her and yes, he hated the thought of her leaving him for someone else and no, that didn't mean that he... That he...
"Bloody hell."
What if it did mean that he...?
But it couldn't. Surely he would know. It wouldn't be so perplexing, so clouded. It was supposed to be shining. Incandescent. Unmistakable.
"...forever seems like a long time..."
No, it bloody well did not! Forever was nothing. It was the blink of an eye!
Everything she did was over so quickly. She grew up so fast. Forever wasn't long enough.
"What is it you think he'll do?"
"Suddenly realize that forever doesn't sound long enough."