It felt like time slowed. I could hear the leaves fall, one by one from the trees. I could see the rays of sun shining down through the late afternoon clouds. And I could smell the gunpowder, wafting over from the glen.
I had felt this tightening in my chest once before - this feeling of utter helplessness and pure terror. It's a horrible feeling when someone you love is hurt and there is nothing you can do, when they are in danger and you are powerless to stop it. I heard that terror in Devil Anse's voice as he shouted for his brother, the best of the Hatfields.
"Stay here," Cap ordered, but I ignored him, taking some steps forward. "Emma," he said, grabbing a hold of my arm and forcing me to look at him. "Please, just wait." He looked at me with an intensity I hadn't seen in a long time - he was begging me to stay, because he was afraid too.
I fought the urge to kiss him. This certainly wasn't the time, but suddenly I had forgiven every single thing he had done or would do. I didn't and after a brief pause, he ran off to the clearing and I stood there a moment, collecting myself. I was scared, scared of losing Ellison, of losing Cap, of seeing what was in store just yards away. But then I saw Tolbert, Pharmer and Bud McCoy running off into the woods and a cold fury bloomed inside of me.
I went to the clearing.
"They're gettin' away!" Uncle Lias shouted, and Tom, French Ellis and a few others sprinted after the retreating McCoy boys.
Devil Anse was kneeling on the ground, his brother Ellison lying in his arms, the metallic smell of blood filling the air. Many in crowd had fled, not wanting to get caught up in the feud. Levicy was holding Ellison's head and Wall was looking on, horrified.
A doctor appeared suddenly at Ellison's side, pulling open the man's shirt. My stomach churned as blood oozed from the wounds, and I turned away and setting my sights on anything, anyone else. My gaze rested on Johnse's wagon, where Elliot and Cotton Top looked on in confusion.
Cotton.
I immediately ran to him, unsure of what I was going to say, but knowing he couldn't be alone right now.
"What – what's happened, Emma?" He asked, wide eyed and bewildered.
"It's okay, Cotton," I said, pulling him into a hug.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Uncle Wall standing over Ellison, motioning for me to bring the boy over.
"Cotton, we're gonna go see your Daddy, okay?" I said quickly, trying to keep my voice steady and not scare him any more than needed.
"But, he told me to watch the horses…"
"It's okay, Cotton, Elliot and Robert E here are going to watch them for us." I led him on unsteady legs to where his father lay. "Now don't be afraid, Cotton, it will be okay."
"Cotton, Cotton," Anse said, looking up as we approached and pulling the boy down beside him. "Come here."
"Daddy?" he questioned in a meek voice. I stepped back, my throat tight and tears threatening. This couldn't be happening.
"Cotton, you come here now and comfort your daddy," Anse said kindly, his voice cracking with emotion.
I felt my legs go weak beneath me, but a strong arm wrapped around my waist. Cap was there beside me, his face hardened, mouth pressed into a thin line. When he looked at me, though, I could see the fear and sadness in his eye. All of the anger between us disappeared in an instant.
"Levicy," Anse said, standing up shakily, "let's get him to a bed at the house. Emma," he turned, and it took me a moment to realize he was addressing. me. I had never been anything other than 'Miss Anderson'. "You ride ahead and get things ready."
"Yes, sir," I said shakily, taking one last look at Ellison before running off to Orion. Cap followed me.
"You alright? You know the way?" Cap asked in a whisper. I nodded. "We'll meet you there."
"Be safe, Cap. Please." He nodded at me and over his should I saw Anse rub a hand down his face in anguish.
It was the only motivation I needed, and I mounted and rode hard for the homestead.
The ride home was long – so long, I wondered if it would ever end. Orion seemed to sense the urgency, the need to carry me like the wind across the winding trails, but it still didn't feel like I could get there fast enough. When we finally arrived, I worked on auto-pilot.
I knew nothing of what I really needed, but I did what made sense. I went straight for Devil Anse and Levicy's room - they had the largest bed, the most space and their own private washbasin - stripping off the family quilt, moving heirlooms into drawers for safe-keeping and gathering as many strips of clean cloth as I could find. I fetched pails of water from the well, collected the bottles of moonshine hidden in the cabinet to clean any instruments that might be needed, and opened the windows to let out the stuffiness of the room.
Then, I didn't know what else to do and I stood awkwardly in the silent house, hands shaking. This couldn't be happening.
I had thought that the situation with Roseanna would be the worst of it, the most tragic situation I would have to deal with in these times - a symptom of the antiquated notions of honor and a woman's place in this world. But this…this was far worse than I had imagined. I wasn't so naive as to think that people survived gun shot wounds to the stomach in this day and age.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and went about preparing bread and cheese for the others who would inevitably be arriving with Ellison. The Hatfield clan was about to close ranks.
Just after nightfall, I heard the horses, the whistles and calls of the gathered party. I went to the porch to meet them, lighting the outside lantern as I went.
Anse road up first, pipe in his mouth and hard look on his face. Cap and Jim Vance were beside him, a slow moving wagon bringing up the rear. Lias drove, with Cotton and the doctor in the back, tending to Ellison. As I looked beyond them, I saw figures moving in the dark near the barn.
Anse dismounted and handed his reins to Cap, before walking up the steps and coming to a stop before me.
"Levicy took the children to stay at Wall's in town," he said, his voice shaking slightly. "They'll be along."
I nodded, nervous for a number of reasons. "I prepared your room for Ellison," I replied softly. I wondered, then, if that was the right thing to do, for Anse always had me second guessing myself. But he nodded.
"Good. That's good." He turned and we both watched as Lias, Cap, and Jim removed Ellison's limp body from the wagon and carried him into the house. I forced myself to look, knowing it might be the last time I'd see him alive.
Levicy and Wall arrived just after midnight. Levicy, with calmer hands than mine, immediately began helping me with the stew I was preparing. The dark shapes I had seen at the barn were other members of the Hatfield clan - French, Alex, Johnse, Tom, Lark and others - along with the three McCoy boys, held prisoner in the loft. I tried not to think about what was going to happen to them.
No one slept that night - the moans from Ellison, though soft and low seemed to permeate the house and Cotton's whimpers were too heartbreaking to ignore. We took turns paying out respects and at about dawn I found myself shuffling awkward into the sick room, trying not to be sick at the sight of all the blood.
"Cotton," I said, holding out a hand and placing it gently on his shoulder. "How are you holding up?"
Ellison's eyes were shut and his breathing was raspy. Cotton was holding his hand, staring down at his father with wide, confused eyes.
"I'm alright," he said softly. "Daddy is just sleeping. He'll wake up soon."
The doctor had done all he could, I knew. It was only a matter of time - for Ellison to wake up, it would take a miracle. I sat down next to Cotton.
"Will you sing him a song, Emma? He always liked it when you sang. Said you had the voice of angels."
I choked back a sob. Ellison was the best of the Hatfield men - even Cap had his dark side, but Ellison was the one from the very beginning who accepted me with genuine friendship. It was the least I could do to sing to him one last time.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dream of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dream of
Dreams really do come true
Someday, I wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
When I left the room, I felt like my legs might give out from under me. I was so exhausted, physically and emotionally. But as I looked around at the gathered group, I knew I wasn't the only one. I had only known Ellison for a few months - his family and friends would never be the same.
Johnse came over to me. "You alright, Ems?"
"I'm…I'm not great, if I'm honest."
Johnse gave me a sympathetic squeeze on the shoulder. "Cap's down at the barn," he replied softly. I nodded, forcing my legs to take me out of the house and down the lawn.
I ignored the looks of the others, purposeful in my movements - days like this made you realize what matters. I strode right up to Cap, where he was leaning tiredly against the barn door, and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. He hesitated in surprise, but then I felt him pull me agains him tightly. All was forgiven.
He didn't say anything as he reached me, only sat down beside me, pressing a gentle kiss to my temple. I let my head fall to his shoulder and we sat there in silence.
After another moment, he pulled away and looked at me. "Let's go for a walk."
And we walked. And walked and walked. We didn't talk about Ellison or the McCoys, about his family or mine. We just talked about random things. Cap told me stories of how he used to go fishing with Johnse. I told him about how I loved the beach and the ocean, which he had never seen. He told me his favorite books, and I taught him a new song. It was amazing, just being with him.
As we started to turn home, he took my hand, entwining our fingers together. With that touch, I felt an overwhelming need to tell him everything. So I did.
"Cap, I have to tell you something." I stopped walking and he turned to look back at me, brows furrowed in concern.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said quickly, suddenly terrified I was making a mistake. But after all of this, I couldn't lie to him anymore. I couldn't not tell him the most important thing about me.
So I shared my story: the real way my parents died, my visit to Aunt Flo in Matewan, the thunderstorm. I told him about UNC and Jeremy and Ronnie and my apartment in Brooklyn. I just kept talking as I panicked more - he had no reaction except stunned silence which made me just keep babbling.
Finally I stopped, hoping that he might say something, but he just looked at me like I had lost my mind.
"Cap," I said, "Your mother knows all of this."
At this bit of news, he took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair.
"Why you tellin' me this, Emma?" he asked eventually, not in annoyance, but with genuine curiosity. "You know I ain't as clever as you, as good as tellin' stories. Is this real?"
"Yes. It's real. All of it, down to the ground. And so are my feelings for you. Which is why you have to know because I don't know how this all works. I could wake up tomorrow and be back in my own time. You might never have known me, like none of this ever happened, but if you do," I took a deep breath, trying to control my fear. "If you do remember me, if I'm gone tomorrow, I need you to know that I love you."
His gaze met mine.
"I need you to know that the only reason I've survived this long here is because of you. And that no matter what happens, you have changed my life immeasurably, and in so many wonderful ways."
A tear rolled down my cheek.
He took two steps forward and closed the gap between us, taking my face in his hands.
"I don't care where you're from Miss Emma Anderson. I've always known you're too good for me wherever that may be," he grinned. "I don't wanna say I understand it cause I don't, not really. But I trust you and I love you, too."
He kissed me deeply and I felt, in that moment, that everything might actually be okay. As long as he was with me, at least.
"You know," he said, pulling away and tucking some flyaway hairs behind my ear. "When all of this is over, I'm gonna have some more questions for you. I didn't understand half them words in 'Wagon Wheel' and now it's startin' to make sense.
I almost laughed, but I was too relieved and too scared. Relieved that Cap was back on my side, scared of what may have happened in our walk away from the homestead.
"We should get back," I said quietly, and Cap kissed me one more time.
"Come on, then."
We made our way back to the barn, our hands separating only at the last moment as we came out of the woods. I looked at the barn, eyes drifting up to the hay loft where I knew the McCoy boys were being held.
"What's going to happen to them?"
Cap followed my gaze. "If Uncle Ellison dies…they'll have justice done to 'em."
"And what does that mean?" I asked, already knowing – but not liking – the answer.
"Things are different here, Emma," Cap tried to explain. "Between the Hatfields and the McCoys…Between West Virginia and Kentucky. Those boys in there - "
"They'll be killed," I filled in, my stomach sinking.
"Blood touches blood," Cap said with resignation.
There was some whistling coming from the bottom of the road, as Cap and I passed the barn. He squinted underneath his hat, his expression hardening within an instant. "Get on up to the house, I'll be there in a minute."
And with that he set off down the hill to meet the others, rifle in hand. I did as he asked, watching as a lone horse and rider appeared at the end of the road, surrounded by Hatfields. The figure moved slowly towards me and the house, and as he came into my vision I realized with surprise it was Randall McCoy.
I hadn't seen him up close before, but the McCoy leader looked just as Cap and Johnse had described him – round, weather beaten face, dark brown hair, and dirty farm clothes. I found a spot on the porch where I was out of the way, but still able to observe the encounter, standing near Wall, one of the few I knew wouldn't shoo me away.
Jim Vance, Johnse, Elias and others were all on the front porch, as if they had been waiting, all armed. McCoy dismounted and tied his horse, never taking his eyes off of the Hatfields. As he moved to the front step, Devil Anse appeared from the darkness of the house, Levicy behind him. Cap joined his family on the higher position, all of the Hatfields staring down at the lonely man.
Despite his sadness and exhaustion, Anse looked well put together, hands in his pockets and ever present pipe in his mouth. In comparison, McCoy looked dirty and unkempt, looking up at his rival as a subject would a lord.
"I come unarmed," he said, holding his arms out on display, "to ask you for my boys. You got my word I'll turn them over to the law in Pikeville."
Anse shifted on his feet. "Your boys stabbed my brother." His voice was calm, but he took out his pipe and pointed it accusingly at McCoy. "They stabbed him over and over again. And then they shot him."
McCoy had the decency to look guilty. "The penalty for that's the same in Kentucky as it is in West Virginia," he replied heavily. "How is Ellison?" Anse looked away, clearly upset thinking about his brother, something McCoy noticed as well. "I pray he recovers."
"You still believe in prayin'?" Anse asked, sounding disgusted.
"I do."
"Well, then we'll leave it to the Almighty. My brother survives, you can have your boys and we'll let Kentucky law take its course. But if he dies…if my brother dies your boys will stay here and it won't be long before justice is done, I swear."
McCoy stood frozen before him, with the eyes of a father pleading for the lives of his sons. "Is there anything I can say or give that will move you from that?"
"No."
It was heartbreaking, watching the two men stare each other down, each wanting their loved ones to live. McCoy let out a breath. "I'd like to see my sons," he appealed.
For a moment, Anse looked like he might agree, but then he looked to his feet. "I don't think so."
"Then let their mother see 'em?"
Anse frowned. He looked back at his wife, who nodded her head without a moment's hesitation. Clearly, Levicy sympathized with Mrs. McCoy, as a mother herself.
"We'll send for her," Anse agreed. Without another word, McCoy went back to his horse and Anse moved to go inside. I looked at Cap, who stood near the door, surprised to see the look of pure hatred he gave McCoy.
"Devil Anse Hatfield," McCoy said from his horse, his voice stronger and angrier. "I rue the day I saved your life. May God damn your eternal soul."
Anse took his pipe out of his mouth, ignoring the calming hand of Levicy as he returned to the porch, furious.
"That might be Ran'll. But I don't recall God saving your ass that day. We saved each other, cause that's what men do in war. And this all here, this all sits the way it sits 'cause of us and nobody else. You feel the need to bring up God one more time and which side he sits on," Anse said, taking another step forward and taking the rifle from Cap's son looked at him in surprise, but did nothing as his father cocked and aimed the gun at McCoy. "You won't be makin' the ride home."
The two men gazed at each other, but McCoy eventually gave in, kicking his horse around. I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding as Anse lowered the gun. Jim Vance, the bastard, felt the need to twist the knife even more into McCoy as he left.
"Hey," he said, walking alongside of the horse. "I hope you and all your kin and friends and babies all try to come and rescue 'em so we kill you all at once and not drag it out."
"Jim," Wall reprimanded from beside me, and his uncle stopped walking. "Shut up."
McCoy kept his eyes straight ahead as he rode away. Soon, we heard shouting from the barn as the McCoy boys called out for their father. I couldn't watch anymore and so went inside. I needed to keep myself busy, if I was going to stay sane.
That afternoon, Ellison was barely hanging on.
Cap was out near the woodshed, and I took him some water. It was an oddly warm day and I could see the sweat trickling down the back of his neck as I approached.
"Hey, what are you - " I cut myself off as I saw just what it was he was sawing. A coffin.
"Has to be done," he said, matter of factly as he saw my face. Whenever something difficult was happening, Cap turned into some sort of emotionless drone. I wondered what it was life to be able to compartmentalize your feelings like that, and if it was healthy to do so. It was like he could just a turn apart of himself off, like a switch.
I fought the urge to hug him. I knew, that despite his steely exterior, he was hurting as much as anyone. I set his water down and went to sit in the shade so I could see him properly, watching silently as he went about his work. Shortly there after, Devil Anse appeared at the door.
"What are you doin'?" he asked, approaching. Cap stopped sawing and looked up at his father.
"Cuttin' the boards," he replied.
"What for?" Anse looked furious when he reached his son.
"It's just a possibility. It's a possibility Uncle Ellison dies…just thinkin' we should build the coffin - "
Anse grabbed the saw from Cap and held it up to his face threateningly. I rose from my seat in alarm and Cap shrank back from his father, looking suddenly like a child.
"Don't you cut them boards," Anse hissed, backing Cap against the shed. The son looked startled, afraid and my heart went out to him. All Cap seemed to want to do was please and impress his father. I had hated that about him a month earlier, with the whole Roseanna incident, but seeing it in these circumstances, I pitied him. Anse always found a way to make him feel like a child again.
Anse threw the saw down before grabbing the half-complete coffin and hurling it to the ground. Cap jumped a bit, looking sheepishly at his feet. "I'll tell you when you can cut any boards," his father said angrily, with Cap unable to meet his eyes.
"Yes sir," he whispered with a short, guilty nod. I opened my mouth to say something, but a pained wail took our attention.
Cotton Top ran from the back of the house, hands over his face, crying out in sorrow. He collapsed to the ground in tears, and my heart dropped. Devil Anse looked to his feet and then back up to Cotton, his anger gone and replace with sadness. He looked up at Cap again, lips in a tight line, and nodded, before walking back over towards his nephew.
Wiping his nose on his sleeve, Cap picked up the coffin from the ground. While he didn't look at me, I could still see the tear rolling down his cheek.
Ellison was gone.