All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain.

Moonshadow

In which Bella learns the old adage 'the course of true love never did run smooth'…

13. Confusion

Charlie and I had met up with Jacob at Dot's Diner for breakfast. Jacob and I had plans to spend the rest of the day at his house. Alone. Billy was in Hoquiam for the annual Inter-tribal Council. Rachel and Paul had recently moved into a tiny duplex on the far end of the village.

Our meal finished, I stepped over to another table to exchange some words with a few of my former classmates. This was merely for the sake of courtesy, for other than Angela, Ben and Mike, I really had no one from Forks High School that I cared about.

I caught up with Charlie at the cash register. "Gotta run, Bells. Six-dozen of those miniature boxes of laundry soap were stolen from the vending machine at the Fresh-as-Pine Laundromat! It'll be vigilante justice if I don't go sort it out!" He chuckled.

Charlie made fun of small town crime, but I knew he was glad of mildness of this particular call. Tiny though Forks was, my dad did see his share of actual crime and violence, which I did my best not to consider.

"Anarchy at our very doorstep!" I exclaimed. "Where's Jake?"

"He stepped out to the car." We approached the door. Through the glass, I could see my wolf boy near the Rabbit, in conversation with – oh, crap! – her. Callie. His old - girlfriend? We hadn't spoken about her; I only knew from some things that the pack had let slip here and there, that Jake had been seeing her up until last winter, when I had arrived at his house with the bikes. I remembered her from Harry Clearwater's funeral, but had barely seen her since. She evidently ran with a different crowd than the pack.

She was so pretty and vivid with her cinnamon-colored skin and shiny black hair. I felt pallid and almost invisible by comparison. Great figure, too, wouldn't you know it? Her jeans might have been airbrushed on and her cropped pink t-shirt showed a gold navel ring that glowed against the warm color of her skin. I could just imagine how pathetic such thing would look on me, with my pale flesh; my Florida tan had faded rapidly.

They made a great looking couple.

"Looks like you better go defend your property, Bella." Charlie said with a smirk as he headed to the cruiser. I stood in the door for a moment, uncertain what to do. Break into the conversation? Ignore them? Walk home? Jake looked uncomfortable: his body stiff, arms crossed, face closed. That decided me: like hell I was going to let this girl move in on what was mine! I flipped my hair back and strode toward the car, head high, as if I had more confidence than I actually possessed.

As I approached the car I heard him saying, dismissively, "Nice talking to you, Cal. See you." He almost scrambled into the car as I went to the passenger side, giving the other girl a meaningful sidelong look. Callie tossed her beautiful head and stalked away haughtily.

As I got in the car and buckled in, I asked as mildly as I could, "What was that about?" I couldn't dismiss the notion that Callie hoped to get back with Jake, in spite of me.

"Beats me." He replied, grudgingly, as he negotiated the parking lot. "A girl thing. She just needs to move on, whatever we had going is over." He shrugged.

We pulled out into traffic, turning onto the heavily forested road that led to La Push.

"What did you have going?" The words popped out of my mouth involuntarily. Why did I say that? It wasn't my concern, what Jacob had done before we got together.

"Nothing much." Jake replied with tight lips. "We just had some…fun times. Strictly casual." His voice was flat, plainly trying to discourage this line of talk.

"What kind of fun?" I couldn't help asking. I really didn't want to know, really, but it was sort of like having a toothache and not being able to help poking at the sore place with my tongue.

"Is it important?" He said, dryly. "I haven't exactly hidden that I've had other girlfriends, Bella, before you. Should I start grilling you about Newton?" He was obviously trying to lighten the conversation.

"I thought he was going to herniate his face for a while there, he couldn't decide between making googoo eyes at you and glaring at me." He gave a rather forced snicker at the memory of Mike's antics.

"Or how about that time at the beach in Jacksonville? I left you alone for about two and a half minutes to get a Coke, by the time I came back you'd attracted half the guys on the beach."

"Oh," I scoffed, "There were only two or three of them. They didn't mean anything. Just friendly guys, you know." I felt a bit smug: he remembered!

"Yeah, so friendly that one guy was offering to rub sunscreen on your fair skin. Purely out of friendship, no doubt. A real humanitarian, protecting pretty girls from skin cancer. " He raised an ironic eyebrow.

"It was a good bit different," I muttered, " I didn't have anything 'going' with any of them."

"What's up with this? For crying out loud, Bells!" He exclaimed resentfully. "I swear, I always told her it was casual between us, that I wasn't looking for anything serious."

"So, are you saying you were just using her?" The words just slipped out of me. Why, why was I testing him this way? It was so ugly, but I couldn't seem to stop.

"She said it was the same for her, too. Girls have been known to use guys from time to time, too, you know." The look he shot me made me all too aware of how I had taken advantage of him, and his affection for me, during the time I was broken. But that was before….

Stung by that truth, I blurted out, "I-is that what's going to happen to us? You'll find someone else to have fun times with? Here I've been worried you'd imprint on some other girl and really it was a matter of someone to have fun with!" I could feel my face flush with anger – and with shame at my stupid behavior; but the feeling of shame just drove my anger onward.

"What do you want from me, Bella? Am I supposed to apologize for not seeing into the future and knowing that some day I'd get my chance with you? For all I knew, you were going to ride off into the sunset with Cullen, or off to the family crypt, or whatever the hell their kind do!" He was really furious now; I had rarely seen him like this.

"Y-you didn't know about that back then!" I stammered out, as if that made any difference.

"Good thing I didn't! I really would have gone crazy. Bad enough as it was!" He snarled. His hands were trembling violently on the steering wheel.

"Nothing like that ever happened between us!" I protested vehemently.

"But that wasn't your doing, was it? It was all him – you'd have been all over him if you'd had your way! You think I don't know that? Why do you think some of the pack were so against us being a couple? Because you were… close to that filthy, unspeakable -." He choked in his fury, unable to continue.

"So you think I'm - tainted, some how?" I gasped, horrified not only at his words, but also at the unstoppable force of what I had started.

"What fucking difference does it make, you obviously think I am, for just living my life! How do you think I feel? Knowing I'm second choice? Second best, for you?"

He slammed on the brakes, the little car juddering to a halt at the roadside. He thrust open the car door with such force that it rebounded on him with a thud as he jumped out.

"I don't know what's with you, Bella, but it's pretty fucked up. I don't want any part of it! Get your head straight and I'll be back. MAYBE!" He shouted at me, and then he turned and ran into the forest.

I sat frozen in the car for several minutes with my hand clamped over my mouth, my eyes wide with shock at what had just happened. It was entirely my fault; I had goaded easy-going Jacob into walking out on me. And for what?

Seeing him talking with that girl from his past had brought up all the old feelings of insecurity, and fears of rejection, that I had thought I had gotten beyond.

So why was I doing my best to push away the person I loved most in the world?

Was it because I thought it might hurt less if I forced him away, than if he left me?

I got out of the Rabbit and looked around. No telling where Jake had gone. I stepped tentatively between the trees at where I guessed he had entered. A few paces and I was in another world.

The vast Olympic forest was eerie and forbidding: I had always been reminded of Mirkwood from The Hobbit. With Jacob beside me I could appreciate its monumental beauty. Alone, I was all too aware of the thick silence, of shadows that were a palpable presence. The very smell of the rich humus that covered the forest floor seemed to be the emanation of something that did not want me here. I had to stop; it would be so easy to get lost here.

Aghast at the scene just past, too enraged at myself even to cry, I sank on to a moss-covered fallen tree. Not caring that dampness was seeping through my jeans, I buried my face in my hands, giving a whimper, "Oh, Jake!"

The day, which had started hazy but bright, was darkening rapidly. It seemed only fitting that it began to sprinkle lightly, as if the day were crying in sympathy, while my eyes remained dry in spite of my anguish. Too wretched to get up and try to find the car, I pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around them and rested my head, moaning.

No telling how long I sat there, aching with remorse, berating myself for my stupidity, wondering if I'd get the chance to set things right. Certain things had become very clear to me. Why did moments of introspection and clarity always have to come at the price of harsh scenes and hasty words?

In the cathedral-like hush of the woods the only sounds were the soft drips of water, falling with a mushy thud to cushioned forest floor, and an occasional rustle in the dense underbrush.

The silence of the forest took on a different quality and I looked up, startled. I could see Jacob standing several feet away, his eyes wide and wary. I stood up slowly, all the words I had been wanting to say to him stilled on my tongue. I took a step forward, reaching out my hand.

Fast as lightning, he covered the distance between us, pulling me into one of his mammoth hugs. "Bells, let's not fight, please. I feel horrible, I-." He fell silent.

He held me for a long moment. I finally broke the embrace, saying, "We need to talk, I've been – thinking."

"Okay, let's get out of the wet, though. The wind is changing to the west, we'll get more rain soon." Jake led me back to the car, I was surprised at how far I had wandered and gave a little shiver at the thought.

The brief drive to the house was mostly silent, broken only when I asked, "How did you know where to find me?"

"I always know where you are." He answered quietly.

Jake parked in front and started to head for the house when I steered him toward the garage. "Do you mind?"

I looked around the familiar space, with its organized clutter, breathing in the petroleum smells. "It all started here." I murmured.

"For you. It started a lot sooner for me." Jake said, very low.

I better get started; I had to make him understand.

"I – we – oh." I stammered out. "Y-you said something in the car, about being second best for me. It got me thinking, about how we are together. I saw how unfair I've been to you. I am so sorry, Jacob, I -." My voice trailed off; there was a thickness in my throat making it hard to talk.

"Don't break up with me, Bella. Please, don't." He stood back, holding himself stiffly. His eyes were huge and his normally rich skin color was ashen.

"Oh, Jake, no! That's not it at all!" I hurled myself at him, throwing my arms around his waist. "When you said second best, I just felt sick inside. " I leaned back, craning my head, to look up at him. I realized that I was half crying at the thought of Jacob's uncertainty.

He huffed out a breath, saying shakily, "Jeez, Bells, you really had me going there. When you said 'it all started here', I thought for sure you were going to end it here, too." He held me tightly, pressing kisses to my hair. "

"Let me finish…."

Jacob had scrounged up a few battered PVC lawn chairs to sit in, now that the Rabbit no longer took up so much of the space. He pulled two of these so that we could sit facing each other. With his knees on either side of mine, taking my hands in both of his, he sat and waited for me to begin.

"Jacob, I owe you a whole raft of apologies, I -."

He burst in. "I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that! I should never have run away, I -."

"Stop! My turn, then I'll listen to anything you have to say."

He pretended to lock his lips and then threw the invisible key over his shoulder.

I took a deep breath. "I thought I was mad about your old girl friend. And I was - really - jealous. You have no idea."

"Oh, I bet I do." He muttered darkly. I reached over and made the locking motion over his mouth. He rolled his eyes sheepishly.

"But mainly, it was something else." I found that I was twisting my fingers together. "I've been… expecting all along that you would leave me. All this has seemed to good to be true, like I should have known it couldn't last." His eyes widened in horrified amazement; he remained quiet, but shook his head NO, vigorously.

"When I saw you two together…. Then later, when I thought you had walked out on me -." I had to stop again for a moment. Jacob raised his hand to speak; I nodded permission.

"I won't leave you, Bella." He said it like a solemn promise. "Trust me. Please"

"I think I really knew that all along. I just wouldn't let myself see it, because of something that happened so long ago, it's like it happened to another person. Or like something I read in a book. Just now, I realized that if - if you didn't come back, that I would only have myself to blame. Because I hadn't let you know…."

I leaned forward and took his face, his dear, beautiful face, in my hands. "I. Choose. You. Jacob Black." I said emphatically. "You're part of me and there's no changing that. I wouldn't change it even if I could."

Jake blinked. And waited.

"Do you forgive me?" I asked in a small voice.

He nodded with a little smile playing around his lips.

"Oh, I get it!" I gave a slightly overwrought laugh and mimed unlocking his mouth.

"Thank you, Bella." He took my hand from where it touched his face and pressed a kiss to the palm. "I never really had a choice where you were concerned," He gave crooked grin, "But it would still be you, if I did."

He leaned in and touched his lips to mine, ever so lightly. A butterfly's kiss.

"Your turn, now." I reminded him.

He looked down at the ground, discomfort plain on his face. Taking a deep breath, he began.

"Wow, now it's hard to start. Oh, well. What Callie wanted with me, uh, she called me on the fact that I never really broke it off with her like I should have."

That sat me up straight; it was not at all what I had expected.

"Y'see, Bells, when you started coming around, it was like the answer to a prayer. I was so happy to have you there, it was just – too easy to pretend every thing was cool, like being together was the way things had always been."

I was struck by how different, yet how similar, our perceptions of that time had been. So many things had been going on in our heads that we had been concealing from each other.

"The thing is, she was right, of course. It was really chicken shit of me. And it's not the way I want to be. I felt really…embarrassed and low. When you started questioning me… oh, man!"

He ducked his head and looked up at me from under his eyebrows, unhappy and ashamed. "I let myself get angry at you instead of owning up. I said a lot really crappy things that I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry, Bella."

"S-she wasn't trying to get back with you?" I blurted.

"Is that what you were thinking?" He seemed truly surprised. "Hardly! She's got somebody. She was just reminding me of my manners."

"So, do you forgive me?" Jake asked hesitantly. "For being such a butt?"

I looked at his anxious face. "I know you're a wolf, but there must be some cocker spaniel in there, too, with those eyes! How could I not forgive you? So many stupid misunderstandings, on both sides."

I gave a slightly hysterical giggle; I was feeling shaky with relief after the roller coaster of emotions. Then he was kissing me and I was kissing him and I had other reasons to feel shaky. Between kisses, our whispered apologies turned to murmurs and sighs.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked archly.

"Well, there's a Jesse James program on…." He said thoughtfully, but with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"Think again." I retorted, taking his hand and leading him out the door to the house.

………

My own hunger, and wantonness, where Jacob was concerned, both enthralled and frightened me. This was a side of myself that I had not suspected. I found myself preoccupied by sensations of him; when I held him it was as though I had finally learned what arms were really for. Every aspect, each new mood, fascinated me. Lingering and intense, tender and sweet, swift and urgent, light-hearted and playful; it only seemed to get stronger as we went along.

As we stepped into the house, Jake pressed me back against the closed door, his hands on either side of me. Leaning in, he kissed me slowly and deliberately, gently sucking in my lower lip, then releasing it. His tongue slipped across my upper lip, then explored my mouth, taking exquisite time about.

As always when we kissed, I could feel the tiny flame that seemed to reside in me these days flicker and grow stronger in response to the fire that was my wolf-boy. His arm went around my waist, pulling me against him tightly. I could feel his arousal pressed against my stomach.

Still holding me, and brushing my lips with his, he turned me around and began to walk me backwards toward his bedroom. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I gave a little jump and he shifted his grip to my behind, lifting me. My thighs clamped on either side of his waist as I pressed myself ardently to his chest. He dropped backwards to the bed with me on top of him.

I rubbed my face into his neck and hair, absorbing his scent and gently lipping his ear. I sat up, straddling him, my fork pressing down on him. I ground into his rigidness, feeling his heat through the layers of denim that separated us.

"Too many clothes!" Jake grumbled, pulling my peasant top and bra up over my head. Laughing, I backed myself off of him and reached down to unfasten his cut-offs, easing them over his erection which almost jumped free of its own accord. I stood back to admire him, his strong body and the look of desire in his eyes. As always, the sheer maleness of him caught at my heart, and the knowledge that he wanted me was dizzying.

Sitting up, Jacob pulled my jeans and cotton boy shorts down and I stepped out of them. He pressed his face against my belly, lightly rubbing his cheek over the soft flesh just below my navel. He drew a fiery line with the tip of his tongue from hip to hip, molding his hand over my mound. The coil of heat inside me tightened and strengthened perceptibly.

I pushed him back onto the bed and began my assault on him at his knee. I moved slowly up the inside of his thigh to his groin, kissing, nibbling, drawing out the sensations.

Reaching his hub, I cradled his member in both my hands, then closed my eyes and explored his length with my tongue and my lips, from tip to the nest of wiry black hair at the base. No thoughts of technique or what should happen next, I simply lost myself in the textures and taste of him. Jake's body was familiar to me now, but still utterly entrancing. Hearing the changes in his breathing, the half-formed words he murmured, the way his legs twitched when I lightly grazed him with my teeth; his responses fed a hunger inside me, while increasing it at the same time.

I continued my upward progress, sliding sinuously up his torso, keeping full contact. Pausing, I pressed my split firmly against his hard heat and rolled back and forth, side to side, rejoicing in the way his body arched to meet mine.

Jacob pulled me up to kiss me deeply, his hands roaming my back and my ass and my thighs, Then he drew me up farther so that my breasts were fully in his face, my hair hanging down around us like a veil. A tiny whine sounded in the back of my throat as he pressed forward and seized a nipple in his mouth, swirling with his tongue and making a soft sucking sound that caused me to shudder as a spear of electricity shot from his burning lips to my very center.

As soft as a whisper, I could feel his fingernails lightly raking the tender flesh of my inner thighs. His hand reached into my source, his fingers stroking, gliding, probing. He would drive me mad, as I sank into his touch, swaying with the rhythm he set, only to have him change that rhythm or withhold it. Giving little high-pitched growls of the sweetest frustration, I firmly took his hand and directed his fingers how I wanted them to go. I could feel the walls of my sex quivering helplessly under our combined touch, quivers that coalesced into rhythmic waves that carried me away with them.

Almost sobbing as the tremors lessened, I rested my forehead against his. "I need to feel all of you!" I panted. I crept my way backwards till I could feel his erection brushing my thigh. Grasping the amazing heat of his shaft, I manipulated it between my folds, anointing him with my wet silkiness. Fitting him to my opening, I began working my way down his length, moaning with each incursion, till he was fully within me.

Firmly clasping my hips, Jake pulled us both backwards till his back rested against the headboard. The movement and pressure inside me at this motion forced a hiss. His eyes flickered and he began to rock his pelvis. I picked up his pace and added my own. I began to taunt him, as he had me, by sliding myself up, just barely keeping his tip inside me for a few strokes, and then impaling myself on his length once more. He gave a breathy laugh, well aware of my 'revenge'.

"Aah. Aah. Aah. Aah." The sound of hoarse breathing, from us both, filled the room.

His grip on my hips changed and his hand slid to my cleft. With his thumb he drew lazy circles on my outer lips, spiraling closer to my center. Dipping in, he began to roll my clit like a bead in oil, now gently, now firmly. I arched my back, and dug my fingers into his waist, pulling him to me, as my motions became more frantic to feel him still deeper within me. The dual onslaught of his hard heat churning inside me, and the pressure of his thumb on my knot, pushed me completely out of myself on a shaft of flame.

Jacob cupped my ass firmly in his large, strong hands, effectively immobilizing me, as his thrusts came still faster and slightly erratic, he was getting very close.

I had read a lot about rapturous simultaneous climaxes, which I agreed certainly had a lot going for them, but I found that I liked, loved, being fully present for Jake's release. Watching his face crumple, seeing the flush rising, hearing his husky groans and grunts, touched something in me that had been deeply hidden, until now. A rush of purely feminine power that left me gasping with its intensity and that gave me an entirely different kind of satisfaction.

With his chest heaving, he pulled me to him, burying his face in my hair, rasping out my name. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. It felt as though I could never get close enough to him. I inhaled deeply, savoring the musk-ocean-pollen smell of lovemaking. I ran my tongue along his collarbone, tasting the salt on his skin; his temperature was so hot that perspiration dried almost immediately.

After a few long moments, we began to stir and reluctantly disentangled ourselves. Lying on his side, with his head propped up by his hand, Jacob curled his legs under mine and stroked my face tenderly.

I laced my fingers through his and smiled up at him. Say it first for once, Bella! I told myself firmly.

"I love you, Jake, really." I said a little bashfully: I wanted there to be no more misunderstandings on that score.

"Not to start anything, Bella, but what could possibly make you think that I would go take up with someone else?" He laughed softly, but his eyes were questioning. "Don't you believe me when I tell you I love you?"

"Ye-es." I said slowly.

"Yes, but – what?"

"Well, it seemed only reasonable that she'd want to get back with you…. I mean, what girl wouldn't?" I concentrated on examining the ends of my hair as I spoke.

"Well, you do have a point there, I can see that." He said quite solemnly and then gave me a cross-eyed look of exasperation. We both snickered. "But why would you think I'd be so ready to get back with her? Honest, honey, I don't get it."

"She's so gorgeous." I said in a small, forlorn voice.

"Sure, sure." Jake gave a massive snort of disgust. "Y'know, we guys really get screwed over on this business of girls and your looks!'

"Huh?" Was my eloquent reply.

"Look at it this way, Bells. If I tell you that your looks don't matter to me, because that's not why I'm in love with you, which is true, you take that to mean that I don't think you're pretty."

"Then if I tell you that you're pretty -," I started to interrupt, but he pressed a finger to my mouth "-you don't believe me - because you don't look like someone else?" Here he picked up my hand.

"Either that or you think I'm a liar," – placing a kiss on my palm - "or blind," – kissing my wrist – " or have awful taste," – kissing the crook of my elbow – "I can't tell. But any way, I can't win!"

He shook his head in mock dismay, but his eyes shone at me as he ducked his head, drawing his nose along my upper arm, and lightly mouthing the delicate curve between underarm and breast.

I could feel his heat stirring against the back of my leg and my heart began to pound although I had thought myself completely spent for the moment. A gust of wind blew a spatter of raindrops against the window as I turned to press myself against him, sliding a thigh between his and tilting my face up for more of his kisses.

………

Western wind, when wilt thou blow,

The small rain down can rain?

Christ, that my love were in my arms,

And I in my bed again.

Anonymous

………

A/N: The call Charlie responds to in paragraph three was an actual 'Crime of the Week' – for about a month – in the small town where I live!

Leave me a review of what you think of this lovers' quarrel!

Chapter 14. Dots

"Couple of hours ago, we were on patrol. We –", he choked, "We picked up a trail. Vampire. Around town, past this house, out to the Cullen place. We followed all the way to the Sound. Then he must have taken to the water."

"He?"