Even though there was always a pang of sadness, the holidays was usually a time of relaxation for Amber. Her classes basically consisted of study sessions for finals. Her tutoring sessions were over. Her father mellowed out around the holidays. Charlie was on vacation for much of the time before Christmas, so he brought Danny into the city more often. Mary was Mary but she always showed up to visit their mother's grave. It was one of very few things Amber and Mary did together.

That year Amber was anxious before Christmas. Two things had to happen. First, Amber needed to end things with Elliott. She was certain things would never work out with him. They cared about different things and Amber was starting to feel like he was shallow. Next she had to have a long and serious talk with Derrick before he left. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, but she knew she would regret for the rest of her life if she didn't at least try to apologize for what she had done all those years ago.

Amber avoided Elliott after Thanksgiving. She knew when she saw him alone the conversation was going to be unpleasant. She wasn't too worried about hurting his feelings. He didn't seem too deeply committed to their relationship but getting dumped was never fun. She ate lunch with other teachers and left as soon as the last bell rang. When he called, she didn't answer, and when he messaged, her responses were vague. She planned to tell him at brunch on Sunday.

Dealing with Derrick was going to be much less cut and dry. She had to find out from Charlie exactly when Derrick was leaving. Charlie wasn't sure but he knew Derrick was going to be in Chicago New Year's Eve because he invited the Mitchells to a party. She had to get his phone number because wanted a set time and place to meet and talk where they wouldn't get interrupted. She asked Julia for this information. Julia was happy to give it after bombarding Amber with questions she wasn't prepared for. Amber eventually lied and said she was looking for people with interesting jobs to talk to her students.

Finally, she needed to muster up the courage to actually see him. Thinking about it made her nervous. She had his number written on a napkin for a week before she even stored in her phone. She just wasn't ready to hear what he had to say. In her mind all he would do was launch insults at her. There was still a chance, however small, that he could forgive her. His behavior at Thanksgiving showed that.

Amber and Helen's monthly dinner was hosted by Helen in her apartment. It had snowed quite a bit that day and neither one of them wanted to eat out. Plus if it continued to snow they could have a sleepover, one of Amber's favorite things since childhood.

They talked about work and laughed about family while devouring pizza on Helen's living room floor. Amber almost forgot about all the things that she had been worrying her until Helen brought the strange goings on between her and Derrick at Thanksgiving dinner.

"You two were acting weird," Helen said between bites of pizza, "Did something happen?"

Amber shook her head. "I've barely spoken to him."

"It didn't seem like it. Mary even mentioned it after you left."

"Mary?"

"She asked me if anything was going between you too."

Amber laughed. "My Mary? That was observant of her." Mary was maturing right before her eyes. She looked down at the half-eaten slice of pizza in her hand. "I love him."

Helen stopped chewing and froze in place. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Geez, Amber, you've never said that before."

Amber nodded. "I've been hiding from it for so long." She sighed. "Are you ready for a very long, very detailed history of my love life?"

"I've been waiting for this moment since we met."

Amber told Helen everything that happened from the first time they met to the present day. She explained how much she'd loved Derrick when they were in high school. Derrick was the reason she rarely dated at all. She never talked about it because they broke up before college and Amber was trying her best to forget about him.

"Why didn't I know about this when you were together?"

Amber shrugged. "Nobody knew. I liked it that way. It wasn't a secret or anything. It was just, I don't know, it was our world. I wanted to preserve it as long as I could."

"But you broke up with him," Helen said shaking her head, "You blew up the world."

"Maybe I could've done it differently, but it was the right thing to do," Amber said lying back with her hands under her head.

Helen sighed. "Why do you have to be so Amber-y all the time? Why couldn't you just talk to him after or college? Or even now that he's been here for months?"

"I will talk to him," Amber replied as her stomach churned at the thought of it.

"Lame," Helen said. "You should find out where he lives and show up unannounced in a big romantic gesture."

"I don't want to scare him and I'm not trying to get him back. I just want to clear the air."

"So something was going on at Thanksgiving."

Amber shrugged. "I don't think so. I mean I just realized he wasn't with Julia, which was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders."

"Julia would never have even looked at Derrick if you would have just been honest."

"I wasn't even ready to be honest with myself."

"Lame."

"Stop saying that."

Helen closed the pizza box and stretched. "You wasted so much time trying to do the right thing and protecting your own feelings and for what? Just to end up lonely and unhappy?"

"I am neither lonely nor unhappy. Our families keep me very busy," Amber said. "And what about you? I don't see any men anywhere."

"Hey, I try," Helen replied. "I haven't met the love of my life. You have and you two are in the same city."

"Not for long."

Helen was thoroughly annoyed. "You don't know that. You are probably the reason he's been here this long."

"Okay, we're done with this conversation."

Helen had Amber tell her story over again from the beginning and explain all the details. She couldn't understand why after so many years Amber was being so immature. Even if she was facing rejection, telling Derrick how she felt about him would've helped her move on. She had spent the last ten years turning herself into an emotionless drone for no reason. Amber deserved better and Helen wished her friend could see that.

Amber woke up Saturday morning on Helen's couch. She snuck out before Helen woke up and went straight to the grocery store. She hadn't had food in her fridge since the beginning of the month and she was all out of Thanksgiving leftovers.

After the grocery store she went home and cleaned her apartment. It was another chore she hadn't done in a few weeks. Then she took a shower and watched TV for the rest of the day.

She was doing her very best to forget about what she had to do in the morning. She already planned every detail. She would show up to the restaurant early. Elliott would show up and order coffee right away and then ask how she was doing. Amber would say she was fine, but she needed to tell him something. He would ask what it was and then probably comment on the menu. After he was done deciding what he wanted to eat he would put the menu down. Then Amber would go into a long story about how she didn't think they were compatible and that he would be happy with someone else, but that she still wanted to be friends. She'd offer to stay for breakfast and he would smile and say sure and he would start talking about what he did over the weekend.

No crying, no hurt feelings.

Amber was right about only part of prediction. There was no crying.

Elliott never showed up. Amber refused to have her plans deterred, so she ordered some food to go and headed to his apartment. On the way over she envisioned a new version of the break up where Elliott would open his door shirtless rubbing his eyes because he'd just woken up. She would hand him his breakfast after he asks her to come in and tell him she probably shouldn't. She would tell him that she just wanted to be friends. He would ask why. She would say she feels it's for the best. Then she would wave and walk away.

Only one part of that prediction was right. He did open the door shirtless, but he was not the first thing Amber noticed. Through the door way she saw Whitney sitting on his couch in her underwear. Elliott tried to close the door so only he could be visible but it was too late. Amber pushed her way in.

"It's not what it looks like," Elliott said standing in between Amber and Whitney.

"Amber," Whitney said standing, "I know what you're thinking but this was just a drunken mistake."

"Right," Elliott said, "I hadn't heard from you all week and…"

"Save it," Amber said. "I came over here to break up with you so this is fine. But you…" Amber pointed at Whitney, "I should kill you, right now." Amber pulled at phone and took a quick picture of Whitney standing next to Elliott. They weren't wearing clothes, Whitney's make up was smudged, and their hair was messy. There was no way her dad could argue with that picture.

"Amber, please," Whitney said trying to take the phone away.

"Nope," Amber said slipping the phone into her coat pocket. She started laughing.

"You were going break up with me?" Elliott asked scratching his head. "Why?"

Amber's eyes narrowed. "Does that really matter now?"

Elliott looked confused as Amber turned for the door. "I don't ever see wanna see you near my family again," she said to Whitney. "And Elliott I was gonna say we could be friends, but I think that would be awkward, don't you?."

She took one last look at them and kept laughing. Amber was almost giddy as she skipped merrily down the hall to her apartment.